Let me ask you a question. Do you consider yourself a pussy? I don’t mean that in an “Are you willing to get violent if need be” kinda way. I mean that in the emotional, thin skinned way. Do you find yourself consistently offended by words? Are you often in situations where people are joking around and you’re secretly uncomfortable? Do you consider the context and intent of how a word it used to be secondary to the word merely being used? Hell, did the fact I used the word “pussy” , at all, offend you? If so, I hate to break it to you, but you are a big old pussy. A gaping, floppy , whimpering pussy.

Now, this doesn’t make you a bad person. In fact, you’re probably a really good person. Fueled by empathy and sympathy for things outside your world, but there has to be a line drawn in the sand where sensitivity is concerned.

I mentioned in a recent blog entry I did about the show “Girls” that we’re in the middle of a deep pussification in america. Everyone is offended and outraged by everything. It’s inescapable. At some point, everyone became an over protective mother on a crusade against all things even remotely politically incorrect.. About 3 times a week, a story will pop up about some religious person or advocate group or single mother who is “outraged” by something someone they don’t know said about something they have no attachment to. Sure, there are real outrageous things that get said all the time but I feel like , by paying any attention to the lesser stories, it’s diluting the importance of the stories that actually do resonate.
Is this something we really want to water down? For every real racial epithet thrown, there’s a white dude in sandals correcting another white dude in sandals for saying “black” instead of “African American”. And that’s the problem…
Sensitivity police. I think the worst thing about it is, it’s usually some asshole so far removed from the cause that it’s almost offensive. An Outrage ,even! Not to mention, it’s also typically preaching to the choir. Like a left wing liberal person, condemning another left wing liberal person over semantics. Deep down, I gotta think the person doing the policing knows that this person means no ill will, but they still feel the need to let them know they’ve crossed some imaginary line.

While real fucked up things are going down, you got people writing 3 page letters to magazines for not calling Midgets “little people”. No disrespect to little people (or midgets) but it’s shit like that that’s part of the problem. People have been calling them midgets forever…and , as far as I know, it wasn’t an issue until someone decided to make it an issue. All of a sudden, it’s a bad word. And it’s not like the words “Faggot” or “nigger” cause no one was using midget as a derogatory word. It was just what they were called. The same way i’m a “white” guy. Man, you can’t even call an person who is literally retarded, “retarded” anymore. Sure, i can see how using it negatively can be hurtful but using the word for what it means (and has always meant) should not be an issue. I know this is a blanket and generalized statement with many holes in it, but these are just words. Not actions.

A month or so ago, there was an article about how PETA was outraged about how a real Squirrel was killed in the movie Winter’s Bone
A fucking squirrel.

I read this and laughed at how much time on their hands the people at PETA must have set aside for daily bouts of rage over things that don’t fucking matter at all.
Upon reading this, I rattled off a bunch of tweets under the “If PETA were a person” hash tag. The whole point was just to point out that PETA is ridiculous in how they publicly carry themselves. Basically comparing them to a terrible , uptight hippie type who would lecture you about the ins and outs of recycling diapers for 2 hours. Some of those tweets were:

If PETA were a person, I bet it would SUCK to get stuck in a conversation with them at a party.

If PETA were your girlfriend, she’d tell you to have fun with your friends but be a total bitch about it when you got home.

If PETA was a girl, if DEFINITELY would not give head.

If PETA were a person, he/she would get livid at someone using the word “Bitch”. Regardless of context.

If PETA were a dude, he could not take a punch very well.

The immediate reaction was what I expected. Some people got the jokes and others were livid and immediately assumed I was against animals being treated humanely. This is a prime example of people just wanting to be outraged. hell, one dude from Cali basically told me he’d punch me in the face. Do you know how crazy that sounds? Save the animals! Punch a human! The thing is, I’m all for the ethical treatment of animals, and I don’t even particularly like animals. At no point did I come out saying “Man, fuck these animals! They’re food and coats and nothing else!” Like I’m fucking Ted Nugent. But people just want to find a reason to be “outraged”. It’s like thye see a certain word , notice that the sentence it’s within is not in a positive tone, and stop all reasoning there. There comes a time when you got to pick your battles. Mike Vick kills and tortures dogs? By all means, get mad. A squirrel dies on the set of a movie? Maybe let that one slide. What are you gonna do next? Get mad at highways for creating a place where roadkill happens?

In my eyes, a lot of this comes down to context and intent. HOW a person uses a word is much different from IF a person uses a word. Case in point, in my own comment section from the piece I wrote about “Girls” someone posted this, as a way to point out that the writers for “Girls” are ,in fact ,racist:
“‘Nigger’ is a great word. It just packs so much punch. The two g’s next to each other are like literal two G’s, broin’ out, tough as nails, them against the world. It gives me chills that a word can hold so much power, it really makes me feel like I chose the right profession.” – one of the white chicks that writes for the show.

This is someone missing the point. Nowhere does that statement made support using the word as a way to put down another person. It’s literally about the sound of the word. The paragraph is about the word, not it’s meaning. The fact this person couldn’t separate something being subversive with being racist speaks volumes.

If I’m with my friends and playfully call one of them a “bitch”, it’s wildly different than if I go up to some girl I don’t know and call her a bitch. Yes, there is power in a word, but simply saying it does not give it power. It’s how you say it and to whom. I’m sure what I just wrote above will get responses like “what about words like ‘nigger’ and ‘faggot’!”, and I stand my ground on those words being no different. Are they offensive? Sure. They both have deeply negative connotations. But , the fact is that I bet someone out there is offended simply just reading those words I just wrote down simply cause they are those words, completely ignoring the context of how I used them.

Everyone is so quick to commit to being bothered by something when, many times, they don’t even take the time to fully appreciate when a point is being made.
There are people who will read this and all they will get out of it is “Blockhead iz a racisttttt n’ a homofobik” and that’s fine. It’s expected on internet anytime you use these words, regardless of how.

The world we live in isn’t some hippie dippy fantasy land where everyone loves one another. There are terrible people out there. Life , by all accounts, is not easy for anyone. I think my point is, in all of this, is that people should use their time and energy towards things that matter. For all the injustice in the world, you sensitivity police types are like a teacher at the worst high school in america harping over chewing gum in class. Think of the big picture and leave the details alone. Just think of all the time you’ll save not badgering people. Hell, you might even enjoy yourself once in a while

Trending Topics vol.83

This week Alaska and I mostly discuss the regular bunch of horse shit…except for the passing of MCA.
Just to add on to what I wrote in trending topics, Yauch was a sweet and humble dude. I didn’t spend much time with him (I really only knew him via a weekly basketball game I play in) but he was always friendly and just an overall good person. RIP to him and my deepest condolences to all his close friends and family.

Answers for questions vol. 84

Whattup everyone. Hope you are well and shit. Oh me? I’m fine.
Anyway, send me some questions…normal ones or ask dr. Tony ones. Leave them in the comments below or email me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com.
This weeks crop of questions is nice. It’s a little of everything. Some good questions, some funny ones, some unbelievably stupid ones. The full spectrum. enjoy…

You are walking home wasted one night, and go in an alley to take a piss. Before you realize it, you wake up an old gipsey woman with a golden shower. She is furious, and decides to put 3 curses on you. Each curse will last 3 years, then the next one will begin.

Curse 1: For 3 years, you cannot leave your home unless you are wearing a mask. You must choose the mask of Batman, MF Doom, or Hannibal Lecter. Which one do you choose, and why?

Curse 2: For 3 years, everything you eat or drink will taste like one kind of cereal. Which cereal do you choose, and why?

Curse 2: For 3 years, you will be stuck reliving the same day over and over, like that movie Groundhog day. You must choose to live each day at a Star Trek convention, a Rodeo, or a Renaissance Festival. You can do anything you want without consequence, except for leave. Which one do you choose, and why?

Points for creativity here…
Curse #1: This would be tough cause I feel like I’d become a shut in regardless of the mask. Because of this, I’d angle for the most comfortable mask. I feel like in the case of both the Lecter mask and the batman mask, they’re pretty restrictive. At least the Doom mask would be more like a halloween mask. Also, I could make money on the side performing as Doom. Someone’s else is making money doing that for years now so I might as well benefit from this curse.

Curse #2: I wouldn’t wanna go with anything too sweet cause that would get old quick. I have more of a savory palette too so I think I’d choose something like Corn Flakes or special K. In both cases, I could just eat them as is and it won’t be too sweet, but If I feel like kicking it up a notch I could just add honey or sugar to whatever it is I was eating and make it a more sweet meal. The gross part about this, though, would be eating something with the consistency of , say, a steak and it tasting like corn cereal. That would be pretty fucking hard to get used to. But, on the bright side, getting drunk off of something that tastes like cereal milk would be kinda nice.

Curse #3: Hmm…that’s tough. All I can base this off of is where I’d have the best chance to get some ass. Beyond that, these are all miserable existences. I say that cause the food and people at all the above events would be pretty terrible. On paper, the Renn Fair would be the obvious choice, but those motherfuckers take that shit mad seriously. I don’t think I could handle that world for that long. Having to talk in olde english all day would get tiring. I’ll leave that one for my man Sir Jarlsberg.
In the case of the rodeo, it’s a sporting event but it’s full of dumb crackers and I have no interest in anything like that. The Star Trek convention , however, would be my pick. First off, i don’t give a FUCK about Star Trek. But I’d choose it cause I’d be the coolest person there by far and , at those types of conventions, they always have some hot models dressed like slutty characters from the movie/show for the nerds to fawn over. My whole angle, for 3 years, would be boning all of them. I figure that would keep me occupied pretty nicely.

Hey block, how did your dad influence you? I’m putting that as general as I can. Really I mean, since he was an artist and all, did that help with the music? I get it if its none of my business though.

Just to clarify to those reading, my dad was a sculpture and painter.
I think my dad’s greatest influence was that you CAN be an artist. I never once questioned that growing up. The fact he was able to make his living by creating art was something that, back then, I just assumed was not that hard. Now that I’m older, I realize how crazy a mind set it was. I’ve been lucky enough to be a little successful in music but I doubt I would ever raise my kid to think that they can just blindly be successful as an artist. I’d be supportive of that but there would definitely be a plan B.
It’s funny cause, of all my siblings (I’m the youngest of 7), 5 of us are all working in creative fields. Some more successful than others but it just goes to show what kind of influence something like that can have.

So, I love the Dynospectrum album and so do my friends, we only chill/hangout on Friday nights to get blunted and faded. As we do that, we go into late hours of the night and get into our dark NY hip hop mode and bump raw shit like the dyno and wutang and a shitload of other shit thats dope. I guess this is the way we show our love for hip hop, you know. But my question is, whats your take on the Dynospectrum album?

I only posted this question cause of the extreme randomness of “Dynospectrum”. I mean, I remember them. They had that one album in the early 2000’s and slug was on it, right? It was cool, if memory serves. But this would be like asking me “My friends and I love movies. Every friday we hang out and show love for film by sitting back and watching the movie “The frighteners”.”

I love porn, I love that shit and one of my MANY favorite pornstars(Lisa Ann) recently got a Fleshlight made for the masses to consume. Im 20, and SHIT!!!! I want it!! BUT.. I think that would be going a bit too far. what do you think about the Fleshlight? lol, you’re probably gonna shit on me but hey, fuck it! I wanna know your opinion.

I think dudes who buy a pocket vagina are weird. Especially one that’s designed to be based on a real porn stars vagina. I mean, it’s not like it’s attached to anything. It’s just something that looks like a weird rubber serial killer tool that you stick you dick in. Do you not have hands? How do you even clean those things? The mere thought of how one of those things must smell after a few weeks of usage is enough to make me vomit.
I mean, let’s be honest, you’re fucking this:
That’s as close to a real vagina as it is a pink version of the plant from “Little Shop of Horrors”.
I think the purpose of sex toys are to fulfill a service you cannot do on your own.That’s why they’re aimed at women more. No man is a vibrator. But a piece of rubber kinda/sorta shaped like a pussy that you put your dick in? What’s the point? Also, you’re 20…if you’re already reaching for the disembodied vagina now, it’s a pretty safe bet that you’ll be doing some horrific shit sexually in the near future. Slow down bro. Use your hand…or a girl. As long as she’s willing of course. Just remember, real girls aren’t hand held and no means no.

Hey Blockhead,

What is your opinion on “changing your style up” or the notion that your genre defines you as an artist? Have you ever found yourself really wanting to make an R&B song or do a dance-y song?

I don’t have a problem with it as long as it’s natural. Too many artists have ruined their careers trying to change styles to adhere to what’s popular. If this thought ever goes through your head, you’re a piece of shit: “this genre is hot right now, so I will do that”.

But, if you’re a hip hop guy and you genuinely get into something else and start making that kind of music, that’s fine. I’ve certainly played around with genres when I’ve been making beats. It’s sometimes fun to try and do something out of your comfort zone. That said, when people switch their shit up 180 degrees, it is pretty corny and, worse of all, generally pretty bad music.

U ever think of doing stand-up comedy?

Not really. When I was younger, I used to watch any and all stand up comedy I could. I was obsessed with it (To be clear,I still love it now but I’m not as obsessive about it). When I hear comedians on podcasts talking about how they fell into it, it does sound similar to me. The only difference being I never tried doing it. The same obsession was there though.
Personally, I’ve always been a much funnier person off the cuff than I am if I sit down and write something. On top of that, I have lots of trouble with memorization. It’s part of the reason I stopped rapping. I can’t remember things like that. Beyond that though,I have too much respect for what comedians do. That is some ballsy shit right there. I feel like my fear of rejection would be too much to handle. The bottom line is, doing stand up is not easy. Just being funny isn’t all you need. I’m a student of it ,in a sense that I’ve been watching it religiously since i was a kid. Because of that, I know it’s not something I’m really cut out for. Not to mention, most comedians are pretty miserable underneath it all and I’m , in general, pretty content. That just wouldn’t translate well on stage.

Hey man I figure you are an intelligent gangster and can answer this question with the biting wit and incisive commentary we have come to expect from your blog.. Ok. What do u think of this Iggy Azalea bitch? She is basically a nobody that grew up on Tupac and now she is living her dream as the next big femcee. Well, she is basically a total actress. She speaks in a thick Australian accent, but then she raps in this southern pimp drawl. She is an Aussie girl. It annoys me that this stupid bitch feels the need to completely front on where she came from? In all honesty I don’t really give a shit, but what are your opinions on this sellout white trash hooker? I think she should stop rapping and focus on inter-racial porn, myself. Word

I dunno bro, you seem like you do really give a shit.
To me, she’s a non-factor. She’s hot. So there’s that. Can she rap? I guess. But , like you said, the fake accent when she raps is pretty embarrassing. To me, she’s got a gimmick and is gonna run with it. But she’s no better or worse than hundreds of other rappers. The only difference is that she’s a hot, blonde , white girl from australia so hipsters and blogs are gonna be more willing to give her shine. I can’t really blame her for riding the wave.
I can say that I question anyone who actually likes her music. I mean, I’ll watch her videos all day but the thought of this coming on in a car or my Ipod and actually listening to it? That’s hilarious to me. I say this often but, in terms of mediocre music, I don’t get it. It’s not like there is a shortage of good music out there so we’re forced to listen to middle of the road crap. And it’s not like some guilty pleasure shit either. This is just some girl rapping fast about nothing over non-descript electro beats. Surely we could all find something a little better to pass our time with.

Song of the day 5/4/12

5ree thinkers By Open Mike Eagle

My homeboy Open Mike Eagle is one productive motherfucker. in the last few years, he’s released 2 full length albums , and few free ep’s all while touring pretty consistently. He’s also got a little something brewing with your truly that I’m very excited about. But that’s not happening yet, so for now, enjoy this new song off his “Rent Party extension” EP. This, right here is my joint. If you like it, go download the whole ep from here:

Throwaway files vol 5. 2.0: The final installment

Well, this is it. I’ve now done about 20 volumes of these free, old, lost beats and I’ve officially run out of them. This will be the final installment for the foreseeable future.
In case you have no clue what I’m talking about, these are old beats I never used that , for some reason or another, never made it to the show. The minor leagues , if you will. If you’ve enjoyed these, do a search on my blog for more of them and they will overtake your entire I-tunes library.

Here you go:

Also, since I’ve been doing these, I get tons of emails of people asking me if they may use these. Well, yes and no. If you have no plans of ever selling the music you make (be it a demo tape or a mixtape you hand out to friends) then feel free to use them for whatever you like. Otherwise, it’s a no go. Also, just cause you use them doesn’t mean I really wanna hear the outcome. No offense or anything but I get sent links of all sorts to peoples music all the time and I’ve simply vowed to not listen to any of it. Just to be fair. But , also, cause 98% of it is god awful and I don’t have the patience. This is not a swipe at anyone who’s sent me stuff in the last year or so , as I’ve been not listening to demo’s since the early 2000’s. I’m not an A&R or a record label. I cannot help anyone.
Annnnnyway, I hope you enjoy these. Also…you may know I have a new album out. So, after all these free mediocre beats, why don’t you go buy some full fledged good ones!


Ask Dr. Tony vol. 14

There comes a time in all of our lives when we need answers. If those answers are pertaining to matters of the heart, you could ask a friend and close family member or even a professional…but what do they really know? No, in these situations, the best person to ask for straight forward advice is obviously a niche hip hop producer with a blog. Why? Cause I don’t know you. I’m not gonna sugar coat it and tell you everything is going to be okay. So, if you have any questions of the heart, send them my way
( phatfriendblog@gmail.com )
, and I will be happy to answer them for you. It’s all anonymous and no one gets hurt.
So, with that, let’s go fix some lives…

Dr. Tony, was reading your blog & decided what the hell, I need some advise. I was really interested in this one girl from my school. She loves hip hop (listens to DITC, EPMD, Wu, etc., hates pop music), DJs, artistic, athletic & down to earth. We’re both around the same age as well. Out of all the girls I dealt with, she was the coolest. It was like looking at a female version of me, shit, we even cussed the same. Met her at a friend’s house jam while she was playing Sean Price, so it was a given. Friends who were there, saw the interaction & said that there was a definite chemistry between us (verbal & physical interactions & all).

After that, we gradually talked like every other day, chilled from time to time, shared music, etc. I know she was feeling me, but wasn’t sure to what extent. Personality-wise, she’s very defensive (i.e. would call guys that would try to hit on her “bitches”) but she would open up to me about her family, background, etc (we’re both from different ethnicities). It got to a point where I wanted to tell her what was up but never found the chance to say it, but I had a feeling she knew. For the record, I didn’t do any “nice guy” shit, I always kept it flirtatious & interesting from time to time, also came to a point where I palmed her ass at a formal & she playfully cussed me off (tangent – gotdamn that ass was fine).

Fast forward to one fateful event, she gave me a blue balled night after telling me to come with her to an EPMD concert (wasn’t the biggest fan too). I thought it’d be a night of alone time with her but…she brought her boys with her & to make matters worst, EPMD’s flight was cancelled. I ended up drinking with some of my boys in a bar while she drove away with her entourage. I was upset & indirectly showed it when she tried talking to me thru text to apologize for the night. She eventually made things up by asking me to go to the BCC concert with her later on…she only brought her sister (also a cool girl). But I know I had to get things over with. We went out for coffee some time after that & I finally let her know I liked her. Long story short, she never gave a direct answer to moving things forward with me or moving me to the friend zone. She said something like “I’m not the type of person to tell someone to make them feel falsely good or falsely bad”.

We still talk, but on a neutral basis & pretty much, I moved on. Hope you read my story but I just wanted to give you the details for this situation. Was I f-zoned like Vast Aire? Should I have moved faster? What would you have done?

Oh, you were friend zoned alright. Friend zoned like a motherfucker. I can relate to this so much it makes my stomach hurt. You basically described my entire senior year of high school (minus the “going to hip hop shows with girls”, which is a total nightmare. Also, do you live in 1993? Where are all these old hip hop shows happening?). Now, your question is if you should have acted sooner? Obviously. You did the honorable thing in getting to know her better but there’s a good chance that your window of attractiveness to her closed fairly early. Like, you had a moment where it could of happened, it didn’t and she was like “Oh well, fuck it…NOW WE’RE JUST FRIENDS.”
Also, judging from you description of her, she sounds like a pretty hard nut to crack. OR she’s insecure and goes out of her way to come off a non-girlish as possible. I’ve known tons of girls like this and they always have tons of male friends, most of whom wanna hit it. So, instead of just picking one she likes from that group of male friends, she keeps them all at arms length and ends up hooking up with random types of guys who are nothing like her immediate friend circle. I don’t blame that way of thinking though cause , as we all know, you shouldn’t shit where you eat.
I think this is one of those situation that you just chalk up to bad timing on your part. It’s not your fault. You did the good guy thing, she just wasn’t a good guy type of girl. I mean, it would seem she looks at any respectful and sensitive male act as bitchassedness. Who knows, she may have a change of heart down the line after she makes a few mistakes. But, one thing I’d advise against is acting like a salty bitch about it. Don’t pressure her. Don’t get frustrated and say some dumb shit. Just let it be. She doesn’t sound like the type of girl that is trying to hear that sensitive, passive aggressive type of shit from a man, so ease back and just see what happens. In the meantime, fuck bitches and get money.

Yo Block im in a tough situation im in love with this girl she calls me her ‘bff’ anyways im in love with her and cannot stop thinking about her but i know she doesnt feel the same way cause she tells me who shes fucking, dating, etc. Shes the only girl i like cause all the ones i know are straight grimey and i dont want to waste time on meeting a new girl. I’ve known this girl for about 4 years and i think she’s the one for me but i am friend zoned!!!! What do i do? Sometimes i just wanna stop talking to her completely cause its very frustrating being friend zoned. I try and move on and talk to other girls but i just cant cause they are grime but i would appreciate your insight on this horrible and unfortunate event.

This is an extension of the first question concerning being “Friend zoned”. I’m afraid there is no definitive way out of the friend zone. Dudes get friend zoned for multiple reasons: Being too nice. Not being attractive to the girl. To seeming sexual to them. Being “brotherly”.
Whatever the reason, it’s beyond your power to change it. THE ONLY thing I’ve seen work is when the dude in the friend zone simply stops giving a fuck. When the dude just loses interest in the girl, stops calling and moves on, he somehow becomes more attractive to the girl. Keep in mind, this is not the norm and, in many cases, the girl will not give a shit either way. But, if there was ever a chance for a spark, that indifference somehow seems to ignite it. Like i said in the above question, the worst thing a dude can do, when friend zoned, is to get pissy about it. Acting childish isn’t helping anyone and it just makes you look pathetic. So don’t do that. You could either just ride it out and hope she has a change of heart at some point in her life (which she probably won’t), you can totally cut her off like a scorned little bitch-ass (which I honestly don’t see that big a problem with in the long run) or you could just move her down on your priority list.
The last one is most devious in the sense that, assuming you guys are actually friends, you’re toying with that whole relationship. But if you’re a “by any mean necessary” kinda dude, then being aloof might be the answer. Worst case scenario, she doesn’t give a fuck and you move on regardless. WINNERS!

My girlfriend’s breath started stinking recently. We’ve been going out for a while so it’s not like i’m going to break up with her because of it. How do I go about telling her to change up the game without making it seem obvious that her breath is stank?

Listen, there are nice and mean ways to say things. If your girl’s mouth smells like a homeless persons underwear, you gotta just approach the subject carefully. Phrasing is key. Don’t attack her like she’s purposely doing something wrong. Just calmly approach the subject like an adult. I gotta think she’s aware on some level. If you wanna be coy about it, simply just offer her gum constantly. Does she smoke cigarettes? Is she bulimic? Does she only eat garlic based foods? Perhaps she has acid reflux? Whatever the source of this funk, try and figure it out and nip it in the bud. Not being able to kiss your significant other cause they’re breath might melt your teeth is a deal breaker…so if you wanna fix the situation, just approach it tenderly.

Yo, if you see a friend’s gf in a porno you should definitely just keep your mouth shut right?

Damn…I mean…I dunno if i could keep something like that to myself. Assuming you know for sure your friend is in the dark, this is one of those tread lightly situations. It also would be good if you can find out when the porn was made. It would certainly lessen the blow if it were before him.
If you feel like you should tell him but don’t want to be the fall guy you could always anonymously mail him the dvd or make a fake email address and email him the clip. Sure, it’ll be brutal for him but I feel like that’s something you might wanna know if you’re gonna get serious with a girl.
For all you know he’s aware of it and jerks off to it all the time.

The other option would be to just stay the fuck out of it and quietly judge her every time you see her. That’s always a fun way to go about anything.

my ex and i went thru a dramatic breakup in late Jan and he ended up leaving me for another girl. he asked me to stay his best friend and i told him to fuck off.
zero contact since then, but a lil over a week ago he randomly msg’d me saying that he missed me and that i should text him. i told him that i didn’t think that was such a good idea.
i dunno anything about his life right now so idk why he would have done that. i kinda feel like texting him but that would prolly just bring all of my feelings back and idk if he is still with that other girl.
why would he have randomly msg’d me like that? should i just stay away?

Stay away. Stay faaaaaaaar away. I don’t know what his angle is but it can’t be anything good. Here’s the facts:
He left you for another girl.
He tried to keep you in his back pocket with that “let’s stay friends” bullshit.

Now he’s back on some “I miss you shit” and this can mean a few things.
1)Him and the girl he left you for is not panning out like he thought it would so he went back to what he knows.
2) Things with the other girl are okay but he wants to keep you roped in just in case , so he reached out to you just to make sure his barbs are still attached. This kinda thing can go on forever cause dudes are very territorial when it comes to ex girlfriend. In our minds, we like to think, if it came down to it, we could always get back our ex’s and , if not that, at least we wanna know they still pine for us on some level. It’s some ego-maniacal shit but lots of dudes think like that.
3) Things are great with the new girl and he’s just one of those cheating types and knows you’re an easy mark cause of the strong feelings you had for him.
4)Things are totally over with the new girl and he’s lonely.

There are no other reasons. He’s not reaching out cause he’s a good guy or cause he cares about how you’re doing. The fact that he misses you (which could be both true or bullshit) is just his way back in. DO NOT do it. He left you once, you think he won’t do it again? A wise man once said ” A man is only as loyal as his options”. Now, that quote is not totally true (as there are some good guys on the planet) but in the case of the guys who dumps you for another girl , tells you to stay friends and then pops back up mysteriously, that shit is the truth.

Stay away. He’ll just pick up and leave again when something new comes around and you’ll be fucked over twice.