Song of the day 6/29/12


Cobra Commander By Open Mike Eagle Feat. Danny Brown
http://limelinx.com/dmfkv

Open Mike Eagle has a new album out called “4NML HSPTL” and you should go buy it right now.
Mike has been one of the more prolific artists over the last few years dropping albums, ep’s and random tracks all over the place, all while maintaining a very high level of quality. The new album is no different. Good shit all around.
So , peep this song he did with Danny Brown. Also, Keep an eye out for music he and I will be making in the future. The wheels are rolling. I’m psyched. Yeah.

Demo Reviews Vol. 3


Round three!
This is where I take demo’s you guys have sent me and give you my brutal, honest opinion on your music. I gotta admit, I’m surprised how popular this has been. Who knew people actually wanted to hear people’s demos and then read about why they do or do not suck?
Just to clarify a few things:
1)I’m not taking submissions , so don’t send me any music until I ask for it.
2) These are just my opinions. If you’re an artist who I reviewed and you aren’t happy with what I said, don’t take it personally. Also, you were warned so if it really bothers you, you probably shouldn’t have sent me music in the first place.
3)Shout out to all the artists who took last volumes reviews in stride. I know reading other peoples opinions on your art is never easy. welcome to my world.
As for these submissions, is was an interesting week. I’d say, overall, it was the highest quality round I’ve gotten thus far…with the exception of one next level bad song that also happens to be the most “well made” song I’ve ever gotten. Go figure.
Anyway, I grade the songs on these three specific categories.
Originality: Obviously rating how much this differs from other music out there in a positive way. I’ll be shocked if anyone gets above a 5 out of 10 as this is a pretty tough category.
Listenability: Rating how hard/easy it was to sit through. This could go a few ways as I often find humor in music that’s extra bad so, it’s not always a compliment.
Production technique: Rating how well crafted the song was. Was it “professional”. How was it recorded and mixed.
But, beyond that, my real thoughts about them are in the write ups. So, as always, take it all with a grain of salt.

Artist: Shag
Song: Still here

http://limelinx.com/bi4xj

I can’t front, this was pretty dope. As much as I don’t really have a taste for instrumental stuff, this was an undeniable smooth ride. It’s a little longer than it needed to be and I would have done something different with the drum patterns (the sounded almost off beat when they first came in until i realized this was not your typical boom-bap 4/4 time signature).
But, other than that, definitely a breath of fresh air amongst the typical submissions I’ve gotten thus far.

Originality: 6.5 out of 10 (mostly for using an interesting time signature within the scope of instrumental hip hop type shit)
Listenability:7 out of 10
Production technique:7 out of 10

Artist: Cryptid
Song: Rookies

http://limelinx.com/eevr

This could almost be a companion piece for the first song above. Very smooth and well put together. I actually like it more as a basic beat except that nothing really goes on beyond the main part and tiny details. That said, this would be a great beat for a rapper to use. I just don’t know if it stands alone as an instrumental track. It’s not really breaking new ground but whoever made it is definitely good at what they do.

Originality: 5 out of 10
Listenability:7.5 out of 10
Production technique: 6.5 out of 10

Artist: DeLaZoo
Song:Art School

http://limelinx.com/btuqf

This is a cute song, if not painfully white. Sounds like a weird mix of Earl, Eyedea and paul Barman. I think the guy can actually rap pretty well it’s just that voice and subject matter are not my cup of tea. I appreciate the honesty of the lyrics and it’s definitely a subject I’m sure many (WHITE) people can relate to. I feel as if it might be about 8 too late for stuff like this to really have any home though. But, all in all, it’s not bad. Oh, and I’m cool with the beat. It definitely takes a backseat to the rapping (mostly due to the kids voice and the mix) but it serves it’s purpose.

Originality: 4 out of 10
Listenability: 5 out of 10
Production Technique:4 out of 10

Artist JMD Audio
Song: Quackery

http://soundcloud.com/jmd-audio/quackery

This one is all over the place. It meanders from part to part with no fluidity and some parts don’t really match in key with the other parts. From the sound of it, it’s someone who’s playing a bunch of instruments and mixing in some sampling. I dunno…it just seems kinda aimless to me. It’s not terrible or anything. If i were to guess , this is the work of someone who plays in bands trying to test their skills in electronic music. More often than not, when that happens ,the result is a song that has it’s heart in the right place but lacks the refined ear for making that genre of music that comes with years of perfecting it.

Originality: 4 out 0f 10
Listenability: 3.5 out of 10
Production technique: 3.5 out of 10

Artist: Caveman Wise
Song:The void

http://soundcloud.com/cavemanthewise/the-void

This kinda reminds me of an old beat I might have made back in the day. Before i fully understood how to use my equipment but still had an idea of what I was going for musically. I think I get where the artist was going with this one. It’s kind of a mellow wall of sound using the horn sample as it’s foundation. Unfortunately, I don’t smoke weed and music like this just becomes a mish mash of sounds after a while to my sober ear. Aside from the horn, nothing else really pops out at you. the drums are half good and half really cheap sounds…but they definitely show promise.

Originality: 4 out of 10
Listenability: 5 out of 10
Production technique: 3 out of 10

Artist: Strangers
Song: Lounted in the basement

http://strangers312.bandcamp.com/track/lounted-in-the-basement-prod-jota-ese

This seems HUGELY influenced Madlib/stones throw type shit…Like I almost thought it was a Quasimoto Song.
I like the beat a lot. It’s simple (just a few loops and drums) but effective. I could do without the 24 bar horn solo but that’s just me. The rappers are likable. I like the second guy More than the first guy but they both do their thing. I’d say ,even though it’s wearing it influence on it’s sleeve, this is definitely one of the better rap submissions I’ve gotten thus far.

Originality: 4 out of 10
Listenability:8 out of 10
Production technique: 5 out of 10

Artist: Mosart212
Song: Punks of crust

http://soundcloud.com/passive_aggressive/punks-of-crust

This is one of those inoffensive type tracks that, while it’s totally listenable, it just doesn’t do much for me. It’s fine…I like the string sample but the rest of the song doesn’t really go anywhere. The drums are pretty amateur and the overall sound just feels like a computer made it. Not that that is always a bad thing but in this case I mean that the whole things sounds overly synthetic. Still, it’s mellow enough that I could see people sitting in a smokey room , playing this while looking at crystals or something.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability: 4.5 out of 10
Production technique: 3 out of 10

Artist: New Car smell
Song:Champagne Life

http://soundcloud.com/officialnewcarsmell/champagne-life

Holy shit. WOW. How one earth did this get sent to me? you guys have heard my music, right?
Few things rub more the wrong way more than a song that’s entire existence is based in pandering to the lowest common denominator. This song is like if Drake butt fucked LMFAO while the black eyed peas watched. So, yeah, it’s really terrible. On a positive note, it’s VERY well made. The mixing and sequencing is professional for sure. That’s one good thing about terrible pop music…it’s usually very well made.
In defense of these guys, they did write this with their email:

This is our first single from our mixtape, which isn’t as commercial as this song. I know you only want one song, so I sent you this… But if you find that MAYBE you’d want to hear more, I also sent the link to the whole tape.

Word. I think you shoulda sent me a different song ,dudes.

Originality: 1 out of 10
Listenability: 2 out of 10
Production technique: 8 out of 10

Artist: I.L.I.C.I.T w/ Sabtheartist and Beasly
Song: Anybody can rap

http://limelinx.com/o4on

This is solid. The rappers are all decent. I’d say the second dude was my favorite. It’s a pretty typical underground “What’s a matter with rap!?!?!” type song but all the mc’s are engaging enough to not make it hard to sit through. My biggest issue with it is the beat. It’s not terrible at all, it’s just nothing special. Kinda second rate Dr. Dre shit…Other than that, this was pretty good though.

Originality: 4.5 out of 10
Listenability: 6 out of 10
Production technique: 5.5 out of 10

Artist: Evolutionarie
Song: Follow

http://soundcloud.com/evolutionarie/follow-1

Rappity rap rap!
Before i get into the song itself, might I recommend you change your name? It’s none of my business but it’s not 2001 anymore.
as for the song, this is highly flawed and typical “underground” rap. This literally sounds like something that was made a decade ago that wouldn’t have made it onto the walls of fat beats. There are like 7 dudes on this song and maybe two of them should ever rap again. It’s just awkward. I don’t doubt that the dudes in the group who can somewhat rap are painfully aware of those in the group who cannot. Not trying to stir shit up, I’m just saying.
The beat is okay. Kinda like a second rate Jedi Mind tricks kinda thing.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability: 3.5 out of 10
Production technique:4.5 out of 10

Things that are wrong with the world part 26


This article popped up in the news last week
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2161294/Wesley-Warren-Jr-Man-100-pound-scrotum-REJECTS-free-1m-corrective-surgery.html?ICO=most_read_module

It tells the story of a Las Vegas man who suffers from a rare condition that made his scrotum grow to 100 pounds. While stories like this are common (not this exact subject matter but some tale of freakish woe) and always a downer, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. He was offered a free ride on the corrective surgery (that costs a million dollars) but 2 different doctors. 6 months prior, he had been emotional , stating all he wanted to do was pee like a normal person and , maybe, one day have sex.
Well, flash forward to the present and this stupid asshole is turning down the surgery. Why? Cause his huge nutsack is his claim to fame. He’s been on Howard Stern, Tosh.0 and a few TLC shows. He feels that if he were to fix that horrific, lifestyle ruining condition that he would lose his fame. Well, he’s right…I’m pretty sure once the guy with 100 pound nuts gets whittled down to a guy with normal nuts, his 15 minutes is up. It makes sense. Unless he were to keep the removed scrotum part and maybe make clothing out of it or something. He could make a fucking circus tent I’m sure.


This is just another example of the fame obsessed world we live in but with a sadder twist. While reality stars with no talent get rich and famous for being outrageously moronic, guys like this ol’ balls n’ my word ass dude over here can’t differentiate between fame and notoriety. Yes, he’s getting cool opportunities. He gets to go on Howard Stern and he probably gets recognized on the street. Something I’m sure is no different than people just staring at the anonymous man with the voluminous sack walking down the street. But he’s no more famous than a girl who falls down a well or the guy who got his face eaten by that dude on bath salts. He’s famous despite himself. To think he’s chosen to ride this 100 pound ballsack thing out , as opposed to getting the medical attetnion he needs and so desperately wanted only half a year ago, is sickening.
I understand he’s making money of this right now. I bet he’s enjoying the travel. But at what point does it end? Soon, no one is going to care about the fat slob with the yoga ball nuts. How interesting could he really be , beyond “Holy shit! Look at that freaks nutsack!”?
Maybe he wants to ride this out as far as he can and then get the surgery once his fame has waned. But who knows if those offers will still be on the table? After all, as kind a gesture as it is from those doctors, there is definitely an opportunistic air to their testicular philanthropy. Once this guy loses his heat, I’m pretty sure those doctors would stop caring and offering their services free of charge.

Now, understandably, part of his reason for declining the surgery is cause he’s afraid he might lose his penis. The article above says
There’s also a chance, and not a small one, that complications could force the surgeons to cut off his penis and testicles if his scrotum won’t stop bleeding.
That’s pretty scary, but it’s not life threatening. And at this point, his dick is pretty much worthless anyway. It would basically be a trade off for comfort and lifestyle. If complication happened and he lost his dick (something I’d say is every man’s greatest fear) it would basically leave him in the same situation he’s in now, minus the 100 pound anchor. Obviously, I’m not him and it’s different for the person involved but, it seems, like that’s a worthwhile trade off.

I feel bad for this dude. Honestly. I can’t imagine how awful it must be to live like that. I have fat deposits in my arms that look like I have an M&M under my skin and I think about getting it removed all the time. To think, this dude is turning down an operation that would change his life for the better, in exchange for fleeting notoriety is pretty depressing. But , I’m afraid that’s the world we live in. People would rather feel that glimmer of the spotlight , as brief as it may be, than be healthy members of society. So, fuck this dude and his life choices. I hope he enjoys pissing on his balls for the rest of his life.

Answers for questions vol. 91


Howdy everyone. This week I got a mish mash of really weird questions. Questions that I feel were not fully realized. That said, I’m very appreciative of the creativity people are trying to come with. Keep it up…just get your focus right and don’t ask a question just cause I asked you to. That said, Ask me more questions! Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Let’s start off with a seriously bizarre one…

You are in a room. The walls are lined with glory holes. Jigsaw or maybe The Joker explains to you that there is a girl behind each hole, and putting your dick through guarantees you a beej (no one biting it off or anything). Except behind one of the holes is a blood relative. Like your mom or your sister, who will still give you the beej and you will never know it was her. What is the minimum number of holes where you’d be cool with this? Two is obviously too few, and a billion is probably ok. But realistically, would you be ok with 200 glory holes? 1000? And no bullshit like “well I just wouldn’t put it through any holes.” Dick goes through hole and Jigsaw or The Joker cures cancer and AIDS and herpes. Otherwise, nuclear bombs go off and everybody dies and shit.

Pick a number.

I gotta say, I like where you’re going with this one but there are just too many holes (no pun intended) in the idea. So, I would have to put my dick in one of the holes and get anonymous head to save the earth and there’s a chance that ONE of those holes is a blood relative…but even if it is, I’d never know? And I can choose how many holes are in the room? Jigsaw is getting lazy, yo. So I’d pick like 100000000 million holes.
But you said would you be okay with 200…to save the world? Sure. I’d do that. The thing is, as horrifying as the idea of doing anything sexual with a blood relative is, I’d literally never know. So there really wouldn’t be any repercussions to unless the pulled the wall away to reveal all the women of my family at a glory hole related family picnic event. Assuming that doesn’t happen, this challenge wouldn’t be that hard. The hardest part would be the actual fucking of the hole in the wall.

What are your thoughts on leaving music on while leaving the house. You know you’re getting ready and shit and got the perfect groove going on and then you have to go over to the computer/stereo and shut it off, rather than just let it play out? What’s your move there? Do you worry that if the music keeps playing unsupervised some bad shit will go down, your house will burn or your computer crash, or just peace out and sound good doing it?

A girl is asking this, right? I hope so cause the idea of a dude just having to hear his song while he puts a t shirt on for 11 seconds is too much for my brain to process.
I’m not really a “Put on music while I get dressed” kinda guy. I just put my clothes on quickly and get out. I’m struggling to see the crazy circumstances that leaving music on (which I don’t do regardless) could possibly have that would lead to any bad shit going down. I play most of my music on my laptop. I’m pretty sure those things are built to not burst into flames due to heavy usage.

Have you ever done any psychedelics like LSD or DMT? If so, was it the life-altering experience that a lot of people allege it to be? If you haven’t, what are your views/thoughts on the drugs and, more specifically, the people whose wardrobe’s are 90% tie-dye, only take pictures while chuckin’ up the peace sign, and jump at any chance to tell the tales of their “higher” consciousness experiences like an indian spiritual?

I wrote in depth about this a long while back:
https://phatfriend.com/2010/01/11/drugs/
But I’ve never done LSD or DMT. I always avoided those types of synthetic drugs. I dunno why…they scare me. I’ve done shrooms enough to understand why people on these psychedelic drugs act the way they do and talk about their higher consciousness…but I still think people who do that (the ones talk endlessly about their drugs experiences, not people who simply do drugs) are kinda losers.

so what do you thing of Goran Dragic? Can he be a legit starting point guard in the NBA? I have been a fan of the rockets since the hakeem days and I would really like for him to stay with them.

I think he’s really good. All he’s ever needed was a chance to log serious minutes and he’s proven that he can keep up with the best of them. It’s a funny thing with NBA point guards, I feel like MOST of them, if given a chance, can do decently. That’s how lowry got his job. Look at Jeremy Lin or even ramon sessions.
That’s why it’s so funny to me when a point guard just sucks. Like a dude like darren collison who just can’t seem to figure it out.
So, yeah, I think dragic is gonna be a starter next year. It may not be for the Rockets, but it’ll be somewhere.

My cousin is kinda of a douche and I forgot to mow his grass while he was gone out of town and now he is treating me like a peice of shit hired worker whom he has no respect for. What is up with people taking so much pride in grass?
and do you think this just a old white dude problem?

Man…it’s like the week of questions I can’t relate to. I don’t know shit about lawns or lawn pride. I get how people want the front of their houses to not look like a war hit it but I’d imagine some people get a little OCD about the upkeep. I’m pretty sure, if I were to ever have a lawn, it would be covered in dog shit and trash. None of which would have been put there by me…I’m just saying, I’d probably not really give a shit about my lawn.

Let’s say you are in a position to be “executive director” of a 6-track EP. It can be any of your favorite artists, BUT each track has to be a pairing that hasn’t been done before commercially (freestyles don’t count). It’s harder than it sounds because there’s so much collaboration. Who have you got?

Shit…Lemme see.
1)Breezely bruin and Despot
2)Tim Dog and lauryn hill
3)Suga Free and willie D
4)Mystikal , Twista and Mikah 9 (it would be risky but if it worked, the payoff would be tremedous)
5)Earl , Jay Electronica and Godfather Don
6)Danny Brown and Young Zee

I have a question for you. What do you think of this: When I was in high school I started to shower everytime right after I would take a shit, for hygienic reasons obviously. Nothing wrong with it, it actually has great advantages, first your underpants never ever ever get dirty at the back, which would happen sometimes before if I wouldn’t wipe my ass good enough (sometimes it is quite a hard job to do it really clean, won’t you agree?). Next, you feel so fresh and clean (word to OutKast, lol) all the time and it never gets itchy down there. so, until now only good things came out of this, but here are some negatives also: first, you become addicted to it, like, I can’t take a quick shit while doing something and just go straight back, I ALWAYS have to shower my ass, which obviously takes a little more time and I eat a lot plus I have fast metabolism, which means I shit at least two times per day. I also must shit before I play ball or lift weights, becouse performance wise it is worse if I’m full of shit as opposed to being totally empty. After the time factor there is another thing. I avoid using public toilets. Of course nobody wants to take a dump at a smelly and not so clean public/school/college/gym/whereever the fuck you are toilet with piss all over it, but if you gotta go, you gotta go. not me though, I always hold my shit in, until i get home, where I can shower right after. If I have to fart all day because of it, so be it, this is collateral damage, I can do nothing about it. Some time ago me and my boyz were at the music festival for a couple of days and we were sleeping in a tent. the camp had chemical toilets and no one really used theme, becouse of all of the drunken people who fucked them up completely, so we just went to mcdonalds or some bar everytime. Becouse I had no shower at my disposal i always took some of the toilet paper and poured water over it and wiped my ass with it. it served well, but i had to do it in the room with the sing and anyone could be walking in on me any minute. This little story was told just to illustrate the level of my addiction to having a clean ass. Sorry to be so long, so to finish this off- am I fucking crazy? I see nothing wrong with having the place, where fecies come out, clean most of the time, but i can agree, that i sometimes go out of my way to do it. Should i teach my future children to do it? U usually pass knowledge of this kind of experience learned in life to your heirs but i really don’t want to pass down something that is wrong or just really weird and shit. Thank you for your answer! And to all the readers, how many of you do it also? Most of the people I talk to just don’t do it, but none of theme says im weird.

Jesus dude.
Like you said, there are pro’s and cons. The pro’s being , hygienically, it’s a good look. The cons being EVERYTHING ELSE. I don’t think this is a particularly harmful habit…it’s just extremely limiting for something that you’re not always going to have control over. I hate shitting in public restroom as much as the next guy but to absolutely need to shower after ever dump is pretty crazy. It’s OCD behavior. DO NOT teach your kids that’s how it’s done. Teach them hygiene. Teach them how to properly wipe their asses…but throwing your psychosis at them can only have negative effects on them down the line.
To be clear, i don’t think this is a huge deal. It’s odd but it’s really your own issue. It doesn’t hurt anyone else. It’s just crazy, to me, to limit yourself concerning something that is a constant, necessary thing. Shitting happens…sometimes when you’d rather it didn’t. Ideally, we’d all like to be in our bathroom, taking luxurious dumps in the most comfortable and leisurely way possible. But it simply doesn’t work like that sometimes.
But , aside from salvaging underwear, what are you scared of? IS your asshole being inspected regularly? Is your partner an obsessive butt eater? I get that we want to be clean but people have been shitting and wiping their asses since we were smearing that shit on cave walls. If the cleanliness is an issue, just wipe with baby wipes. You can even bring packs around with you. I hear those are great for people with OCD ass cleanliness issues. All I’m saying is, it sounds like shitting is running your life. Don’t let it do that. You run shit, not the other way around.

is (was) the NBA lottery rigged? I believe it is, Cle won last year after Lebron went to Miami Cheat and NO won it this year after losing CP3 and after struggling to sell the team and it was basically still NBA-owned. Sounds like a conflict of interest (like the vetoed trade in December, but don’t get me started on that embarrasment) and like the #1 pick was a part of the deal to sell the team. Plus they don’t show the drawing, they just tell you who won, that’s some bullshit. I hope Stern gets hit by a car.
Peace

I’m not a conspiracy theorist. I just watch the game. Is it possible? Sure. But, when it comes down to it, I don’t really give a shit.
I do agree that stern is a dickface though.

Song of the day 6/22/12


Help the Poor By B.B. King
http://limelinx.com/files/b34f3fcae466fe55b7fdb3d9647a513f

It’s been a while since I posted a nice , depressing type soul/blues song on here. To be honest, i’ve been somewhat lazy in my seeking out good old soul lately so it’s been mostly a rap kinda year for me. If anyone has a good blog to recommend where they post stuff like this (or rare soul from the 60’s and 70’s) up regularly, lemme know. I need some good shit to sink my teeth into.
Anyway, B.B. King is a legend. You know that. Nothing much else to add to that.

Peep this remix I did: Billy Woods “DMCA”


As you may or may not know, I’m working on a album with Billy Woods. If you’ve read this blog with any regularity over the past few months, you know that I’m a huge fan of Woods and I’m extremely excited to get to work with the guy. He recently asked me to do a remix of one of the songs of his amazing album “History Will Absolve me” and I jumped on the opportunity. The song I chose ,”DMCA” ,is one I feel that most artists making music now can relate to. Basically, we’re fucked and it’s not getting better anytime soon. Yup. Awesome.
Anyway, check it out and download that shit.
http://www.divshare.com/download/18460718-d73

This is the first taste of much more to come in the future…