Answers for questions vol. 89


Whattup. Back again for the first time but really for the 88th time. The questions keep coming…so I keep answering. If you got more, send them my way. The weirder the better.
Leave them in the comments below or email me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com
Okay? okay.

how the hell are you supposed to stay cool in NYC in the summer? if
you don’t have a car you can’t just simply blast the A.C. and keep it
moving. when you’re out and about you can duck into stores or whatever
and cool off for a minute. but after waiting on the subway platform
for more than 3 minutes its officially game over for not stinking and
having a dry shirt.

It gets pretty brutal here. As a person who sweats a fair amount, I can tell you that july and august in NYC is not the place to be. Many cold showers get taken and not because I’m horny. What I do to avoid the heat is stay inside and blast the air conditioning. Unfortunately, so does everyone else which often leads to blackouts in the city.
Other than that, wear shorts , go to places that have AC. Basically, just do the same thing you would anywhere else it’s hot.

Referencing “bad bitches” is so tired, so ubiquitous, I flinch when I hear otherwise great lyricists say it. What’re the hackiest phrases in hip hop right now?

“Swag” has got to be the most overused phrase right now. When I hear an adult use it (someone who’s my age, not a 22 year old adult) it sends douche chills down my spine. You know “swag” has gotten bad cause pretty soon it’s gonna start popping up in movies and a scene(s) will happen where an elderly person accidentally gets high or something and says “That’s shit is swag!”. Puffy’s old ass saying it without irony was one nail in the coffin. That movie situation will be the final nail (much like it was with Snoop dogg’s “for shizzle dizzle” talk)
I think what I like least about “swag” is that it’s lazy and can apply to anything. I’ve literally seen homeless men refer to their own swag. It’s attitude, it’s a walk, it’s clothing, it’s everything and yet it’s nothing. Fuck that dumb ass word.

your thumb gets ripped off in some terrible accident – it’s gone or so mangled it’s unusable.
but you have the option of replacing it with your big toe, or just leaving it be.
toe thumb or no thumb?

I feel like replacing it with my big toe would only lead to me having no big toe and barely functional thumb. I think I’d just leave it be. As important as a thumb is, being able to walk is more important.
One plus about losing my thumbs is that I could say i did it in protest of Mac Miller’s “Thumbs up” initiative.

I’m an MC (but who isn’t these days?) and I’ve been driven to wanting to produce my own beats. There’s too much garbage, too much drama, and too many people too unbelievably full of themselves to really build up any sort of relationship with at this point. Coming to mind is the local guy – a total unknown – who demanded $1000 to delete a pre-recorded hook in a beat he put out on a mixtape for people to rap over. “Yeah, I still have the files in Reason, but I’m gonna need you to fill out the paperwork and buy exclusive rights to the track before I do anything to it.” That kind of behavior sort of drove me back to the belief of “if you want something done right, do it yourself.”
That said, I have no idea where to start. I’m a pretty competent musician – I can play piano, bass, and guitar proficiently – and I’m not a bad songwriter in most rock genres. I’m also generally surrounded by talented musicians… but… I just have no idea how so much of this crap works. I guess the second part of that is live performance – what’s supposed to happen if you’ve already got your backing tracks and you’re doing a show? Hire some dude with a laptop to stand behind you and play them?
I wish I could just go and see that kind of thing in action, but the hip hop scene in Atlanta is garbage unless you’re some fat dude who screams “swag” over cut-rate dubstep at a club full of greasy teenagers.

Kinda confused as to what your question it, bro. Should you make your own beats? Uh…sure. Why not? I’d say you’re jumping ahead though already thinking about the performance aspect. Make some songs people actually like first. What you do on stage doesn’t matter if there is no one watching you do it. I will say this though, at your level, paying people to do things seems pointless. You shouldn’t have to pay anyone for beats yet. Those people trying to charge are most likely hacks and grifters. Paying for music happens when you can actually make a profit off music and that’s not happening anytime soon. Just find likeminded folks who are down to play some shit. You say you know musicians, I’m sure some are down to jam or whatever. Just make your music first and then worry about the business side of things when it’s applicable

Related to the cute / hot semantics: do you see a difference between a bro, a douchebag,and a hipster. If so, please describe.

Okay…let’s see. I suppose the best way to go about this is to just list them and describe them.
A Bro: This is your typical frat guy, vertical striped shirt at the bar, dressed like all his boys kinda dude who watches tons of college basketball. He’s not a bad guy. He’s friendly. He’s not a smart guy but he will say something funny by accident every now and then over Jager shots. He works out and manages to be kinda fat at the same time. When he plays sports, his face turns mad red. He’s got a life plan that was laid out by his parents and their parents. He gets married, has kids and dies. He’s harmless and useless at the same time. He knows the lyrics to Drake songs and has been to a dave matthews concert. He has drunkenly made out with many girls he met at bars that night but he’s also been charged with date rape.

A douche bag: Unlike a “bro”, a douche bag isn’t so much a genre of person. You can’t just walk down the street and be like “Oh, he’s just a douche bag…” well, you can but my point is there all tons of different types of douche bags. There are bro douche bags, there are hipster douche bags. Every personality type has a douche bag version. Because of this, it’s hard to really pinpoint what makes a person a douche bag. They just kinda are and you know it when you see it. That hipster explaining to you why Michael Bay movies are actually the pinnacle of all cinema while citing black and white french films? A douche bag. That Bro bumping shoulders with strangers at the bar with hopes of starting a fight? A Douche bag. That Hip hop dude who scoffs at the thought of a dj using Serato cause it’s not “real hip hop”? Huge douche bag.
Basically, it’s a know it all asshole who doesn’t realize what a shithead he is. So, I’d say the best way to describe a douche bag is someone who is completely unaware of themselves yet, at the same time, manages to be smug.

A Hipster: This word has spun out of control. And it’s definition depends on who you ask. I’ve been called a hipster. I’m 35 and wear jeans, t-shirts and hats everywhere….but to someone, I’m a hipster. Then, I go out and see 22 year olds dressed like israeli break dancers and think “look at those hipsters”. I suppose Hipsters are in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I view it as anyone who’s uber-aware of current trends and following those trends. For better or for worse cause, as we know, most trend are fucking laughable…but that doesn’t stop some kid from wearing a bowler hat, a sleeveless black vest, some daisy duke shorts (this is a man I’m talking about here) long black wool socks and some rare nike kicks that costs 400 bucks.

Just wondering, did you ever get any douchebags wanting to friend you acting like you guys were good friends after you got well known in the music scene in social media sites like facebook or twitter that you knew in high school/college but hated?

Not at all. First off, I’m not nearly famous enough for that to happen. Secondly, all those people are my age, which means they’d be like 35 trying to get down with me on some weird groupie shit. What 35 year old does that?
The only instance of this I can think of is when I meet someone, they have no idea who I am and then they find out. There have certainly been cases of that and even then, it’s more a situation of that person who was somewhat dismissive of me is all of a sudden really friendly. It doesn’t really mean shit to me though cause , for the most part, I’ve been hanging with the same group of friends for like 15-20 years. I’m not really in the market to make “new friends” that often so it’s not exactly an option for people.

Do you and the basketball fans you know in Manhattan give a shit that Brooklyn is getting a NBA team? Could a rivalry be brewing between these boroughs or could you careless what happens in Kings County? Just wondering what the local vibe is there and in Kings County about the issue.

I haven’t noticed an overwhelming feel either way. I think, as a person living in NYC, most people are kind of excited to have another option for a team to go watch play live. I don’t think Knick fans will be rooting for the nets though. What I do see happening is all the Brooklyn transplants embracing the Nets and it becoming some sort of hipster thing. I’ve already seen their shirts all around town. To be honest, the simple design and colors (black and white) are kinda dope.
Regardless, unless they get good very soon (which is unlikely) , the Nets will always be the second NY team. Like the Mets.

what’s your workflow like?
best part? shitty part?

Erratic. I pretty much work when i feel like it. Unless I’m focusing on something that’s time sensitive, then I’m fairly proactive. I tend to work in chunks. Like I’ll pound out a bunch of beats in a week and then not do anything for a week. It depends how I feel. I don’t really look at anything as a “best” or “worst” part. i mean, I definitely don’t like the preliminary stages of starting a new album cause it’s literally me just mapping out shit and it’s more math than it is musical. That shit is beyond tedious. But, other than that, it’s all good. I’m a pretty quick worker and just obsessive enough that I pretty much finish everything I start.

have you ever taught production lessons? what would you focus on? it’s something i’m thinking of doing.

God no. I’d be a terrible teacher. Aside from my basic impatience , I’m a short cut taking , lazy, learn my own way kinda person. My way is NEVER the correct way to do things. It’s organic, but most of the time it’s totally wrong. I can barely remember what plug goes where to even set my own studio up, let alone teach someone anything.

7 thoughts on “Answers for questions vol. 89

  1. I Have a third nipple. I have been wondering if i should talk it up or just let it drift into obscurity. I live in a very sunny hot place so i don’t go about without a shirt or i burn quite badly. Because of this most of my friends don’t know that i have one, but i think its a funny thing to have. I am trying to decide if i should just leave it not talked about, or flaunt it. What would you do?

  2. I was wondering… I’m a rapper who is coming up, and what do you think of these 5 hip-hop acts… nah, fuck that. These questions lately have been really boring, so I’m in here to actually give you want you really want: some weird ass questions. I’m the same guy who made all those food questions (Dave K.).

    1) Aliens come to this Earth and catch you at a moment where you’re alone and can have a conversation with them without anyone else on Earth knowing. They want to use you in a study. For the purposes of this question, let’s just say that it’s related to human interaction… whatever it is, not really important to the question. Here’s the deal: They will take you to their home planet, where you will be put into a simulator that mimics our world completely, down to your interpersonal relationships with everyone you’ve known/ever known, you have the same living situation, etc. Essentially, you’d go to sleep, wake up in your own bed and be in the new alien world, but for all intents and purposes, it would be exactly like Earth. Here’s the deal: as payment for them studying you – your life, outside of minor inconveniences and real-life, important, galvanizing events (parents dying, etc. to keep things feeling real and not TOO good) – will be the most rewarding and fruitful life possible, beyond your wildest dreams. You will love and be loved more than you thought possible, you will find success and realize all your goals, and you will eventually die in the simulator (as your real human body dies) feeling as if you have lived and loved in amazing and fulfilling ways. You believe the aliens and trust that they won’t fuck you over once you’re in the simulator (and they won’t). The catch: in the back of your mind, you know that everything that is going on is all a lie, and all your real friends are back on Earth, wondering where you are and missing you. Would you take the aliens up on their offer?

    2) Some strange businessman comes to your house. He is prepared to give you $10 million in untaxed money (which is legit – he actually has the money and is ready to pony up). One catch: you have to be put in a casket and buried alive for 48 hours. You have an air supply so you won’t suffocate, but you will be subjected to 48 straight hours of extreme claustrophobia and no food, not to mention no bathroom and nothing entertaining to do. Just you and your mind. There is a small water tube to keep you hydrated enough to keep you alive. He has a small camera in the casket to record your misery because he’s a sick fuck and it excites him. After the 48 hours, your are dug up, given the money, and the guy goes away forever. Would you do it?

    3) You wake up and your girl has been kidnapped by some crazed lunatic who has left a note that says: “Come to the bronx zoo.” You go to the zoo and eventually find the guy with your girl. He’s got her suspended over a pit full of hungry lions. In order to get her down, you have to fuck either: a) a Nile Crocodile (they’re fucking huge and mean), b) A male elephant in must (super-angry mating time), or c) a Green Anaconda. Would you let your girl die or fuck one of the ferocious beasts? If you choose beast, please explain tactics to seal the deal.

    4) One day you (and many others) wake up and have contracted some sort of disease where you can’t eat the meat of any animal ever again, aside from human meat. You don’t have the bloodlust to kill humans to get the meat, but there is a new butcher shop for people with your disease where you can go purchase human meat from people who have recently died. The meat is from healthy, non-sick people and is perfectly fine to eat. Many other people have this disease, so you will not be publicly shunned by the general public. The general non-diseased population is very understanding. You going vegetarian for life or eating peeps, bruh?

    You’re welcome.

  3. How do you feel about becoming a minor league FB star overnight? It will give a lot more attention to your internet persona.

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