Answers for questions vol. 91



Howdy everyone. This week I got a mish mash of really weird questions. Questions that I feel were not fully realized. That said, I’m very appreciative of the creativity people are trying to come with. Keep it up…just get your focus right and don’t ask a question just cause I asked you to. That said, Ask me more questions! Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Let’s start off with a seriously bizarre one…

You are in a room. The walls are lined with glory holes. Jigsaw or maybe The Joker explains to you that there is a girl behind each hole, and putting your dick through guarantees you a beej (no one biting it off or anything). Except behind one of the holes is a blood relative. Like your mom or your sister, who will still give you the beej and you will never know it was her. What is the minimum number of holes where you’d be cool with this? Two is obviously too few, and a billion is probably ok. But realistically, would you be ok with 200 glory holes? 1000? And no bullshit like “well I just wouldn’t put it through any holes.” Dick goes through hole and Jigsaw or The Joker cures cancer and AIDS and herpes. Otherwise, nuclear bombs go off and everybody dies and shit.

Pick a number.

I gotta say, I like where you’re going with this one but there are just too many holes (no pun intended) in the idea. So, I would have to put my dick in one of the holes and get anonymous head to save the earth and there’s a chance that ONE of those holes is a blood relative…but even if it is, I’d never know? And I can choose how many holes are in the room? Jigsaw is getting lazy, yo. So I’d pick like 100000000 million holes.
But you said would you be okay with 200…to save the world? Sure. I’d do that. The thing is, as horrifying as the idea of doing anything sexual with a blood relative is, I’d literally never know. So there really wouldn’t be any repercussions to unless the pulled the wall away to reveal all the women of my family at a glory hole related family picnic event. Assuming that doesn’t happen, this challenge wouldn’t be that hard. The hardest part would be the actual fucking of the hole in the wall.

What are your thoughts on leaving music on while leaving the house. You know you’re getting ready and shit and got the perfect groove going on and then you have to go over to the computer/stereo and shut it off, rather than just let it play out? What’s your move there? Do you worry that if the music keeps playing unsupervised some bad shit will go down, your house will burn or your computer crash, or just peace out and sound good doing it?

A girl is asking this, right? I hope so cause the idea of a dude just having to hear his song while he puts a t shirt on for 11 seconds is too much for my brain to process.
I’m not really a “Put on music while I get dressed” kinda guy. I just put my clothes on quickly and get out. I’m struggling to see the crazy circumstances that leaving music on (which I don’t do regardless) could possibly have that would lead to any bad shit going down. I play most of my music on my laptop. I’m pretty sure those things are built to not burst into flames due to heavy usage.

Have you ever done any psychedelics like LSD or DMT? If so, was it the life-altering experience that a lot of people allege it to be? If you haven’t, what are your views/thoughts on the drugs and, more specifically, the people whose wardrobe’s are 90% tie-dye, only take pictures while chuckin’ up the peace sign, and jump at any chance to tell the tales of their “higher” consciousness experiences like an indian spiritual?

I wrote in depth about this a long while back:
https://phatfriend.com/2010/01/11/drugs/
But I’ve never done LSD or DMT. I always avoided those types of synthetic drugs. I dunno why…they scare me. I’ve done shrooms enough to understand why people on these psychedelic drugs act the way they do and talk about their higher consciousness…but I still think people who do that (the ones talk endlessly about their drugs experiences, not people who simply do drugs) are kinda losers.

so what do you thing of Goran Dragic? Can he be a legit starting point guard in the NBA? I have been a fan of the rockets since the hakeem days and I would really like for him to stay with them.

I think he’s really good. All he’s ever needed was a chance to log serious minutes and he’s proven that he can keep up with the best of them. It’s a funny thing with NBA point guards, I feel like MOST of them, if given a chance, can do decently. That’s how lowry got his job. Look at Jeremy Lin or even ramon sessions.
That’s why it’s so funny to me when a point guard just sucks. Like a dude like darren collison who just can’t seem to figure it out.
So, yeah, I think dragic is gonna be a starter next year. It may not be for the Rockets, but it’ll be somewhere.

My cousin is kinda of a douche and I forgot to mow his grass while he was gone out of town and now he is treating me like a peice of shit hired worker whom he has no respect for. What is up with people taking so much pride in grass?
and do you think this just a old white dude problem?

Man…it’s like the week of questions I can’t relate to. I don’t know shit about lawns or lawn pride. I get how people want the front of their houses to not look like a war hit it but I’d imagine some people get a little OCD about the upkeep. I’m pretty sure, if I were to ever have a lawn, it would be covered in dog shit and trash. None of which would have been put there by me…I’m just saying, I’d probably not really give a shit about my lawn.

Let’s say you are in a position to be “executive director” of a 6-track EP. It can be any of your favorite artists, BUT each track has to be a pairing that hasn’t been done before commercially (freestyles don’t count). It’s harder than it sounds because there’s so much collaboration. Who have you got?

Shit…Lemme see.
1)Breezely bruin and Despot
2)Tim Dog and lauryn hill
3)Suga Free and willie D
4)Mystikal , Twista and Mikah 9 (it would be risky but if it worked, the payoff would be tremedous)
5)Earl , Jay Electronica and Godfather Don
6)Danny Brown and Young Zee

I have a question for you. What do you think of this: When I was in high school I started to shower everytime right after I would take a shit, for hygienic reasons obviously. Nothing wrong with it, it actually has great advantages, first your underpants never ever ever get dirty at the back, which would happen sometimes before if I wouldn’t wipe my ass good enough (sometimes it is quite a hard job to do it really clean, won’t you agree?). Next, you feel so fresh and clean (word to OutKast, lol) all the time and it never gets itchy down there. so, until now only good things came out of this, but here are some negatives also: first, you become addicted to it, like, I can’t take a quick shit while doing something and just go straight back, I ALWAYS have to shower my ass, which obviously takes a little more time and I eat a lot plus I have fast metabolism, which means I shit at least two times per day. I also must shit before I play ball or lift weights, becouse performance wise it is worse if I’m full of shit as opposed to being totally empty. After the time factor there is another thing. I avoid using public toilets. Of course nobody wants to take a dump at a smelly and not so clean public/school/college/gym/whereever the fuck you are toilet with piss all over it, but if you gotta go, you gotta go. not me though, I always hold my shit in, until i get home, where I can shower right after. If I have to fart all day because of it, so be it, this is collateral damage, I can do nothing about it. Some time ago me and my boyz were at the music festival for a couple of days and we were sleeping in a tent. the camp had chemical toilets and no one really used theme, becouse of all of the drunken people who fucked them up completely, so we just went to mcdonalds or some bar everytime. Becouse I had no shower at my disposal i always took some of the toilet paper and poured water over it and wiped my ass with it. it served well, but i had to do it in the room with the sing and anyone could be walking in on me any minute. This little story was told just to illustrate the level of my addiction to having a clean ass. Sorry to be so long, so to finish this off- am I fucking crazy? I see nothing wrong with having the place, where fecies come out, clean most of the time, but i can agree, that i sometimes go out of my way to do it. Should i teach my future children to do it? U usually pass knowledge of this kind of experience learned in life to your heirs but i really don’t want to pass down something that is wrong or just really weird and shit. Thank you for your answer! And to all the readers, how many of you do it also? Most of the people I talk to just don’t do it, but none of theme says im weird.

Jesus dude.
Like you said, there are pro’s and cons. The pro’s being , hygienically, it’s a good look. The cons being EVERYTHING ELSE. I don’t think this is a particularly harmful habit…it’s just extremely limiting for something that you’re not always going to have control over. I hate shitting in public restroom as much as the next guy but to absolutely need to shower after ever dump is pretty crazy. It’s OCD behavior. DO NOT teach your kids that’s how it’s done. Teach them hygiene. Teach them how to properly wipe their asses…but throwing your psychosis at them can only have negative effects on them down the line.
To be clear, i don’t think this is a huge deal. It’s odd but it’s really your own issue. It doesn’t hurt anyone else. It’s just crazy, to me, to limit yourself concerning something that is a constant, necessary thing. Shitting happens…sometimes when you’d rather it didn’t. Ideally, we’d all like to be in our bathroom, taking luxurious dumps in the most comfortable and leisurely way possible. But it simply doesn’t work like that sometimes.
But , aside from salvaging underwear, what are you scared of? IS your asshole being inspected regularly? Is your partner an obsessive butt eater? I get that we want to be clean but people have been shitting and wiping their asses since we were smearing that shit on cave walls. If the cleanliness is an issue, just wipe with baby wipes. You can even bring packs around with you. I hear those are great for people with OCD ass cleanliness issues. All I’m saying is, it sounds like shitting is running your life. Don’t let it do that. You run shit, not the other way around.

is (was) the NBA lottery rigged? I believe it is, Cle won last year after Lebron went to Miami Cheat and NO won it this year after losing CP3 and after struggling to sell the team and it was basically still NBA-owned. Sounds like a conflict of interest (like the vetoed trade in December, but don’t get me started on that embarrasment) and like the #1 pick was a part of the deal to sell the team. Plus they don’t show the drawing, they just tell you who won, that’s some bullshit. I hope Stern gets hit by a car.
Peace

I’m not a conspiracy theorist. I just watch the game. Is it possible? Sure. But, when it comes down to it, I don’t really give a shit.
I do agree that stern is a dickface though.

12 thoughts on “Answers for questions vol. 91

  1. Something for the guy asking about poops & shower, even if I think he was just trolling:

    In a lot of european countries everybody uses the bidet. I don’t know why it wasn’t imported in the rest of the world. It could be very helpful for that guy’s problem….

    Here’s a video with the bidet:

  2. Do you also shave after every shower after every shit? Now that would be WIERD! I want to tell you that you are not alone. . . but i don’t know anyone with that particular form of OCD. I do, however, know a guy who will not blow his nose unless he has just taken a shower. . . if that makes you feel any better. His logic behind it; it’s easiest to clean your nose right after a shower. The logic he ignores: His nose gets DIRTY AS FUCK in between showers and a simply kleenex tissue can solve 98.3% of that problem.
    I’m sure that you are not alone. I don’t even think that’s a really wierd habit, just time-consuming and troublesome in certain situations. If i were you, i would listen to Block & try the wet wipes/ baby wipes at least after one shit and see how it treats you. I think they are quite enjoyable!
    P.S. Confucious say, “Shaving one’s ass allows for smoother and cleaner wipes after messy shit”

  3. Sup guys. First of all, I’m not trolling, that shit I wrote was 4 real, why would I lie about something like that? To get my question published? There were three of my questions in this version of Q/A so that clearly isn’t the case.
    About bidets, well, they are probably great but usually aren’t available at public bathrooms and even if they would be, I wouldn’t want to use them, because of a lot of ass mileage on them. Shaving my ass also isn’t an option, I tried it once and it really isn’t easy and the shit grows back real quick, so it would not only be annoying to do but also time consuming.
    The wet wipes are probably the best solution..anyway, thanks for answer, I’m glad my Q sparked some replies:)
    Peace

    • Here in Finland every toilet come with a shower head. I’m not kidding. We have them in our homes and in public places. It’s called “pillu suihku” = “pussy shower”. The shower head is located next to the toilet bowl, and is connected to the wash basin. It’s ready to use when you turn on the faucet and press the button on the shower head.
      As far as I know the bidet is very uncommon nowadays. I’ve lived in France and only encountered it there in a few hotels. Pillu suihku is the shit.

      Time to pack your bags and take a long trip up north?

      • oh damn, great shit to have:) my sister lived in norway for a couple of years and when i went to visit her i loved everything there and now this…you guys are amazing! too bad your weather is so shitty that i would probably never move there

      • Well, I think your last comment shows that you have poor knowledge of the weather here. It’s actually pretty livable 2 moths of the year.

      • lol, thats what i said:) 2 monts aint enough and even when i was there in the summer it was raining every day. but everything else is great, including the cute girls:)

  4. I’m european, Finnish. The bidet is just some middle european thing, I don’t even think they use it much there eather. I’ve lived in France and I did not have an encounter with the bidet overthere in other places than maybe hotells. And we deffinitively don’t have it here. And not in the other nodric countries either.
    However… We do have… “Pillu suihku” = “pussy shower”. It is a showerhead that is installed besides the toilet and that is connected to the wash basin. This “pillu suihku” is also found in public places. I don’t know though if they have them in the men’s rooms, or if it is specific for us women…
    Anyway, this dude would not have a problem here. Every toilet comes with a shower. Toilet-culture is amazing.


    Here you get a glimps of it on the wall between the basin and the toilet.

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