Answers for questions vol. 90

What up peoplezzz. The extra Z’s mean i mean it.
Anyway, here’s another installment of me answering your deepest and darkest questions, concerning me, you and everything in between. I got some pretty creative questions in the chamber for the upcoming weeks so thanks to all of you going deeper than asking me what I think of Moombathon and who my greatest influences are. If you have fun or interesting questions you’d like me to answer, send them to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. I’ve got enough of a queue of questions now that I can reserve the right to ignore lame questions so , you know, keep that in mind.
Anyway, here we go…

Have you ever had to tell a rapper/musician that you’re close with that you really don’t like some shit they made? Like obviously slandering shitty shit on your blog is all in good fun but say Aes sent you some new shit he was working on and you thought it was shit or you didn’t like the new El-P album or whatever, would you tell them? Has that ever happened where someone you are used to working with made some shitty shit and you had to be like “bro this is shit”? Or would you just let them do their thing mostly? Would this change if its your beats they’re rapping over and you don’t want them to kind of sully up your catalog with their bad bars or whatever?

I’ve been fortunate to never feel that way about a song that I cared about. The only times I’ve ever been iffy about some shit is when I’ve sold beats to people I don’t really know…part of the reason I don’t make a practice of doing that anymore.
I mean, listen, I’m not gonna like everything people I know make all the time. It’s impossible. And the idea of a few bars sullying my catalog is laughable. That simply isn’t possible. At this point, I feel like I could do a song with Pitbull and, as long as the beat was dope, my name is still intact. The bottom line is that my work is my work, and their work is their work. One shouldn’t dictate the other. As long as the quality is kept up on my end, only a fair-weather dickhead would hold anything against me for it.

President Obama, who also happens to be President of the Blockhead Fan Club, comes up to you for some advice. He is bored of the dead, old white dudes all over our money. To help boost his ratings before the up-coming election, he asks you, Blockhead, to re-vamp our american currency. No rules. You can put anything or anyone on the bills or coins (Example: Charlie Sheen $5 bill with a Big Mac on back). Add a denomination (example: $69 bill). Get rid of denominations (ex: Fuck Pennys!) Change shapes or sizes. Obama loves you so much, he doesn’t care what you do to our money! He doesn’t care what it costs! He’s so tired of trying to fix the economy, he says, “Fuck it!” and just wants to make things fun again. And you are just the man for the job!! So, what would you do to make our Money more bad-ass?

Hmm…I mean, I was trying to come up with some wacky answer here but , to be honest, I don’t think changing how currency looks would help the economy. I mean, sure, I could tell him to put Tim Dog’s face on a million dollar bill and make pennies edible but I doubt that is helping anything.
However, and I dunno if this would be out of my jurisdiction , I would try to make all prices rounded up or down. No “$7.99”. Just “$8”. And all change on bills would be rounded up or down depending on the tax. That just seems like it would simplify things. Eliminating change, while it would be a blow the homeless man’s economy, would be kinda nice. No reason really beyond really never wanting to wait behind a person in a long line who feels the need to pay via their change purse. Fuck those people.

Can we get the details of the screams in the woods story. What state where u in? Were u on tour? Was it just u in the home?? Did u think of deliverance? ? Just want to know more of the story and what was going through ur mind

To the readers who are not aware of what this is referring to, I mentioned being as scared as I’ve ever been one night in the woods. I didn’t give any details, so this a follow-up to that.
Okay, I was about 11 years old. I was in Cape Cod in a summer home. It was me, my brother (who was 13), my nephew Tom (who was like 4) and my niece Jasmine (who was around 6). All out parents were out for the evening so we had a baby sitter there too. The house we were in was a two-floor summer home type of spot with one catch…the walls were all glass. Meaning, aside from beams holding up the ceiling, the living room was just floor to ceiling glass windows. This was cool and all during the day but at night they worked like mirrors so you could never really see what was going on outside. Did I mention this house was in the middle of the woods? Yeah…it was desolate. We had neighbors but they weren’t really even visible through the woods. So, we’re all sitting in the main room watching TV. All of a sudden we hear an extremely loud scream. It sounded like a woman and it also sounded like she was being murdered. It was a straight up blood curdling scream. I’ll never forget it cause , to this day, it’ the craziest sound I’ve ever heard a human make. There was no doubt this scream was either related to extreme fear or pain. Because we were in the woods and nothing in the house was sound proof, you could hear everything outside. If a fox walked by, you could hear it. So, this scream vibrated the walls. Moments after that, we could hear multiple feet stomping through the forest. Now, keep in mind, we couldn’t see anything out those windows. So, crazy scream…multiple people stomping, then we heard dudes talking. I have no idea how close they were but it sounded as if they were like 10 feet from us. We were all pretty scared so we all went upstairs to my parents bedroom and locked the door (the only door with a lock in the entire house). I’m freaking out, Jasmine is crying. My brother is kinda out of it and my nephew Tom started vomiting in fear. Fear barfing is so real. The Babysitter was tying to keep her cool but it was clear she was pretty shaken up too. Then we hear the motorcycles. They start revving, almost taunting us. There must have been 5 or 6 of them. Added to that was the sounds of grown men howling. We could still hear people walking around but now it was accompanied by the sound of motorcycles and drunken screaming. We were all pretty much shitting our pants and waiting for the door to be kicked down. The baby sitter had the number to where our parents were and called them but no one picked up…makes sense cause everyone was probably drunk as shit at whatever cocktail party they were at and not trying to pick up a phone call.
Anyway, they eventually got home (quite buzzed) and we were locked in their room petrified. They calmed us down and assured us no one was outside and put us all to bed. Later i learned that there was a notorious group of bikers who had a place down the road. So that makes sense…but I still never found out what that blood curdling scream was about. I still have never heard anything quite like it.

What’s with the current state of hip hop. I’m not talking about established artists, I’m talking about the influx of absolute garbage that floods the internet right now. As I had mentioned, everyone is an MC these days. Every kid with a laptop and a microphone who can string together some words that sort of rhyme is a “major artist” with a “smash single,” a “hot up and comer in the rap scene,” and a “true lyricist” bringing back “real hip hop.”
I could give examples, but you’ve probably seen it, too.
How do you think we got here, and is it going to just get worse?

Oh, this question.
I get a variation of it once every few weeks. So, let’s just clear this up.
Honestly, I don’t care. If you’re still worrying about preserving hip hop and what’s real or not than you’re either mad young or stuck in a time warp.
There is good new hip hop. There is bad new hip hop. There are dipshits who are gonna have all sorts of dumb angles and try to sell themselves cause that’s the world we live in. It got to this point both naturally and because of the internet. It will only get worse , as far as the straight up amount of bad music that will be made, but that doesn’t mean it’s over.
The lesson here is: Be selective. Learn what you like and what you dislike. Acquire a keen ear so , when shuffling through new music you can tell quickly what you will and will not want to pursue.
I used to get mad at bad music all the time (I still get annoyed occasionally but, honestly, I play that anger up for the blog for humorous purposes). Now I just get indifferent towards the artists and disappointed by the people who support it. Other than that, what can you really do? It’s music. It’s been both great and terrible for as long as we’ve been alive. That will never change.

Yo Block! If you had pussy and dick at the same time, would you “masturbate” more often than now?

That’s hard to say. I think I’d be pretty bummed out in general so I might end up resenting my dual genitals. Also, I don’t think most people with both have function in both. Like either the dick works or the pussy works. i’m guessing the dick usually works better…Who knows?
But, in a hypothetical sense, it would be interesting to have three different type of orgasms to choose from. Male, female penetration and female clitoral. Maybe I’d have a day where I just feel like flicking the bean all day…maybe another I’d be more in a “blow a load” kinda mood. Who knows? Maybe I could do two things at once and really get the party started. Regardless I’d really hope no one would ever catch me doing it.

Nerd question, If you lived in Westeros(Game of Thrones) which side would you fight for and why?

That’s tough…The honorable pick is obviously the Stark Family as it seems like Winterfell is the least psychotic and most humane place to live…but I don’t think they will hold onto power so it would be a guaranteed death sentence. Honestly, I’d go live in Qarth and just eat good fruit with all those rich dock workers. No one seems to wanna fuck them up and, although they’re into some devious magic, the quality of living there is much higher than anywhere else.

I’m sure others have asked you this but how do deal with hitting “the wall”? Have you ever just hit a road block midway through an album or EP and just thought “I have no good ideas left, I’m screwed”? I know with making this type of music there’s no shortage of samples and sounds to choose from, but it gets overwhelming at certain points, wouldn’t you agree? I’ve been stuck in a rut. It’s hard to describe. I’ve only been at this for a few years now, really finding what sounds I like and don’t like, but it’s always been fairly easy for me. However in the past week or two, everything just sounds “meh”. Nothing is really wowing me at the moment, and I’m not sure if it’s my ears or where I get my samples from. I’m not claiming to be an expert beatmaker by any means. I genuinely enjoy making music for myself and my friends, and this “wall” has been frustrating the shit out of me. Any suggestions?

Sometimes you just gotta take a break. Walk away from making music for a little while. I’ve never been an obsessive worker, in the sense that I don’t feel compelled to make music all the time. I got in spurts. Two weeks of working then I chill. I don’t even do it consciously, it just sorta works like that.
I’ve hit many creative walls. In fact, I didn’t make a track for like 6 months once. But then I slowly got back into it and rediscovered why I like doing it so much. You can’t force creativity. You can fake it but , deep down, you know what you’re doing is bullshit.
So, basically, my advice is to just roll with the punches. If you’re in a rut, drop it for a while. It’s not like you got record labels hounding you for your next project. There is no time-table for this shit. Just work on your own clock.

Song of the day 6/15/12


The Wreckoning by Latyrx
http://www.hulkshare.com/embed_mp3.php?fn=m4oule0lhbrp&bg=000000&fg=71C90C

Latyrx was one of those groups that that had a profound effect on me as a younger hip hop head. They arrived at a perfect time when I was seeking out more experimental styles of rapping, partially cause I was trying to figure out my own angle. I have a distinct memory of getting high out of my brain with with my boy Stinke and listening to the debut Laytrx album in my crib. I had heard half of it already due to singles and leaks but it all felt brand new. I mean, I was pretty high so you honestly coulda played me marching band music and I’d be into it…but that’s not the point. I always marveled at this duo’s ability to constantly raise the creative bar. It was as if they were literally saying “Okay, no one’s ever done this before…let’s try it”. In a time where rap was pretty much cemented in it old school values, this was a breath of fresh air.
Sometime between then and now , the stylistically complex rappers that I worshipped (Latyrx, freestyle fellowship, Project blowed type stuff) stopped resonating with me how they had in the past. I didn’t find myself going back to much of their classic work that had pretty much been some of my favorite shit in the mid to late 90’s. I still loved the music and respected the hell out of the artists but , for some reason, the older I got, the less I craved complex styles. Perhaps, as you get older, you just want to simplify everything. Who knows?
With this in mind, there is a song that has long popped into my head consistently over the years. It’s Lateef’s masterpiece “The Wreckoning”. I have a terrible memory for lyrics but I’m pretty sure I could, to this day, rattle off this first verse with ease. On a weekly basis the words “Look bitch, you know I’m coming tight…” pop in my head and I seriously have no idea why. It’s been like 15 plus years. The funny thing is that the real treasure of this song to me is the second verse. It’s a creepy and weird “battle” verse describing what happens to your body when you die. I believe I recall reading that Lateef worked in Science lab or something cause that would make perfect sense.
Anyway, this is a case of a literal song of the day, in the sense that this was the first song that popped into my head when I woke up this morning. Enjoy.

Some video’s I’m enjoying

I don’t have much to write about this week so it would seem like now is the perfect time to just throw up some clips I’ve been watching over the last few weeks. Who doesn’t like videos? An asshole…that’s who.

Let’s start it off with two parts of a hilarious exchange between Danny Drown and ASAP Rocky.
These two need a podcast or something

Moving right along…Do you like watching fat middle aged men cut shit in half with swords? Of course you do. Stick around for the end cause him cutting a pig in half is pretty awesome.

Trust me, all you up and comers need this

Here’s a clip of one man band Gull from Wreckroom records. This dude is pretty fucking amazing.

Lastly, I give you Black Jesus. Aaron Macgruder (Creator of the BoonDocks)has something to do with this but I’m not sure what. Funny shit, regardless

Demo Reviews vol. 2


Hello everyone. After the popularity of my first Demo’s review, you know I was gonna come back for more. In case you’re not aware, I asked my readers to send in their music for me to judge. This was partially cause I need content but also cause people send me shit all the time and I never listen to it. I figured I’d open the flood gates for a bit and it worked. Just to be clear I’M NOT ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS RIGHT NOW. If you send me music, I’ll erase the email before I even open it. Trust me, my dance card is full with all the submissions I got when I was accepting them.
The reviews work as so: I write a little bit about what i think and then give the demo’s a 1-10 rating based on these three categories:
Originality: Obviously rating how much this differs from other music out there in a positive way. I’ll be shocked if anyone gets above a 5 out of 10 as this is a pretty tough category.
Listenability: Rating how hard/easy it was to sit through. This could go a few ways as I often find humor in music that’s extra bad so, it’s not always a compliment.
Production technique: Rating how well crafted the song was. Was it “professional”. How was it recorded and mixed.

If you sent in music and are mad cause you got a bunch of three’s, just realize, I’m judging this how I would music by professional artists. In fact, getting a 5 out of 10 in this situation is pretty spectacular considering the low bar that that has been set. So, you know, take it with a grain of salt.

Artist: Anders Niemand
Song: Monica Bellucci

http://www.hulkshare.com/embed_mp3.php?fn=880q4wnhvepc&bg=000000&fg=71C90C

This was kinda ll over the place. I get where he was going with it but it was out of key at times (a huge peeve of mine) and didn’t really go anywhere. I do think it improves as it goes but still, the out of tune shit is kinda unacceptable when dealing with instrumental hip hop type music. I mean, it’s pretty much the only rule: Keep things in key. The drums, while thumping , sounded to much like factory sounds.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability: 3 out of 10
Production technique: 4 out of 10

Artist:Nicklebag Beats
Song: Sunshine
http://soundcloud.com/nickelbagbeats/sunshine-instrumental-1

This sounds like some “I just started making beats” kinda deal. The guitar riff (the main part) is okay but , much like the track before it, the songs out of key with it itself. The “sunshine” sample (which is crucial, as that’s the title of the song) is flat.So is the little reversed sound. The drums are very amateur and remind me of my drums in like 97. So, that’s good cause you can only go up from there. From what I gather, it’s a beat for a rapper which is good cause this is nowhere near ready to be a stand alone track.

Originality:2 out of 10
Listenability: 2.5 out of 10
Production technique: 2 out of 10

Artist: Collectable humans
Song: To eat a human

http://collectiblehumans.bandcamp.com/track/to-eat-a-human

This kinda reminds me of this but serious. Verbose , angry white guys rappin’.This is something that has been done to death pretty much since the early 2000’s. There’s a strange hint of gravediggaz/jedi mind tricks in there with a dash of Aesop. While the rapping is technically sound, it’s also not exactly fun to listen to. Between the voices and the tinny tones of the beat, it’s a bit of overkill. The lyrics are interesting at times but also they come off as trying to be smart and way more complex than the ideas themselves. Musically, I actually like some of the things going on in the beat but the main guitar sample and the drums seems way to treble-y for me. It’s grating.
I see what you’re going for but I’d just say: be yourself ,guys. Rappers like this don’t sound like real people to me. Not that that’s a requirement for rapping it just there’s not much about this type of rap that makes people wanna check it again. There was once a small market for this kind of thing but those fans are now either into rock music or became juggalos.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability: 3 out of 10
Production technique: 3.5 out of 10

Artist: Nick Abitia AKA Nvbeats
Song: Normal

http://soundcloud.com/missnewbeats/normal-nvb

This was pretty smooth. I’d say my biggest complaint would be using that way too famous break beat but he fucked with it a decent amount which lessens that blow. Other then that, it’s got a nice mood to it and moves along nicely. A rapper would sound good on this. This isn’t breaking any new ground but it’s certainly in the pocket so I can’t fault anyone for that.

Originality:5 out of 10
Listenability:6.5 out of 10
Production technique: 5.5 out of 10

Artist: Gravel
Song:Drank’ Sypin’

http://soundcloud.com/unholygravel/dr-nk-ypin

This is one of those beats where the artist masturbates to the idea naming what genre it is. Just looking at the page and seeing how the artist tagged it was kinda infuriating. Is it witch house? is it grimehop? Chillwave? If you’re an artist that that is your chief concern, stop it. Make the music you make and let other people name it. It’s for the better cause , trust me, a lot of the side genre’s won’t be around in a year. Between that and how the song name and artist name are written on the soundcloud page, it’s clear this person is “Going” for something. But I’m not judging this dudes marketing campaign so that’s all neither here nor there…I just felt it needed to be said.
Beyond that, it’s okay. It’s not my cup of tea but this “cloud hop” shit is all the rage now and he doesn’t do a bad job. Some nice layered melodies going on and it’s certainly captures a mood. It’s a but muddy though so a cleaner mix would improve it greatly. But, beyond just mixing the basstones too loud, it’s actually pretty well made.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Production technique:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Dropouts Inc.
Song: Staircase

http://dropoutsinc.bandcamp.com/track/staircase

This is like the more emo version of the “Collectable Humans” track. It’s a pretty well crafted song but it wears it’s influences on it’s sleeve. Anticon, Def Jux. Rhymesayers. Nothing wrong with that but it’s a little too obvious for my taste.
The rapper is capable (flow wise and lyrically) but I really can’t get past the voice. Whining white guy. I know I keep coming back to this but it’s a never ending thing. Lemme just lay it out: A lot of white dudes don’t have voices cut out for rapping (myself included). Because of this, you either gotta not rap or just learn to use your voice in the best possible way. Personally, the “urgent plea” style of rapping does not bode well for the guy with your average white voice. It’s a bummer cause there are plenty of rappers out there who I’m sure are great writers but it’s all for naught when the voice saying those words isn’t enjoyable on the ears.
I appreciate the effort of this song , but it’s not for me.

Originality:3.5 out of 10
Listenability: 4 out of 10
Production technique:6 out of 10

Artist: Mane Rok & DeeJay Tense (Ft. Benjamin Butters
Song: Addicted

http://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/v=2/track=1023477153/size=venti/bgcol=FFFFFF/linkcol=4285BB/

First and foremost, This is a well made song. It’s mixed well and you can tell the person who put it together has a clear idea of how to arrange a song. That said, I’m almost never a fan of songs about girls like this. It’s just me but I kinda wish they had sent me a different type of song cause , judging from how well put together this song is, I would have liked it more. but , hey, that’s inconsequential at this point. The rapping is very average but the production keeps it from falling of the tracks. I’m not crazy about the singing but the fact that I couldn’t 100% say if it was a sample or an actual person is a good thing.

Originality: 4 out 0f 10
Listenability: 5.5 out of 10
Production Technique: 7 out of 10

Artist: All that is
Song:Road

http://soundcloud.com/allthatis/road

In defense of this dude, he did write this with his email:
I am an amateur producer, but what I lack in professionalism- I try to make up for in originality & creativity.

I am looking for nothing else here but some constructive criticism.
I am only looking to grow, and keep growing.

Fair enough. This is obviously amateur. It’s also nothing I would ever listen to, genre wise.
All I’ll say is you need new sounds. Drums, synths…everything. The little samples are cool but everything , when combined comes across as “too clean”. Even though this isn’t my steeze, there is actually an audience for a refined version of this though. I wouldn’t have ever knew it existed but playing electronic festivals has taught me otherwise.

Originality: 4 out 0f 10
Listenability:3.5 out of 10
Production technique:2 out of 10

Artist: Colin Thieme
Song: Coming back

http://www.hulkshare.com/embed_mp3.php?fn=tiejwgnavna3&bg=000000&fg=71C90C

This is half good. I like some of the ideas but it gets pitchy (in particular that first guitar that comes in round 00:32) at times and the transitions are all over the place. You can’t just jump around from one thing to the other without rhyme or reason. Some of the individual parts are better than others but when blended how they are, it just kinda brings the overall song down. Also, get some different break beats. Those have been used to death since the early 90’s.

Originality: 4 out of 10
Listenability:3.5 out of 10
Production technique:4 out of 10

Artist:Farout
Song: Spot Recognition (Pictures of my arm)

http://www.hulkshare.com/embed_mp3.php?fn=avs8rvpvg8a8&bg=000000&fg=71C90C
Man, I’d kill for someone to send me rap that doesn’t feel like it was recorded in dark candle filled room by a sad white person. This is a lighter fair than the prior two rap submissions. There’s nothing wrong with this…but there’s also nothing interesting about it either. This one had a more musical feel to it, which was nice but this seems like another case of people sending me a song they assume I’ll be into cause I make some sad beats. Readers out there: trust, I’m not at all into shit like this. That doesn’t mean it’s without merit, but for me, personally, I wouldn’t make it past the first song of an album if it sounded like this sort of rap.
I dunno why but I get the feeling the rapper was once (or still is) a hippie type. Can’t put my finger on why that popped into my head but it did
Anyway, The beat and overall production isn’t too bad though the vocals are mixed pretty poorly. The rapper is…fine…I mean…there’s really no one thing he does badly yet I just didn’t feel drawn in at any point.

Originality: 3 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Production technique: 4.5 out of 10 (woulda been higher if not for the bad vocal mixing)

Here’s where you tell me who the best was. Well? Who was it?

Trending topics vol. 88


This week Alaska and I discuss a few different sports, some politics and how that scummy broad from Jersey shore got arrested. Since I usually post a picture of the most attractive girl in the trending top ten in the header, and Deena from Jersey Shore is my only choice and she’s repulsive, I’ve chosen to just post a picture of her essence.
http://www.syffal.com/mad-men-finale-nba-finals

Answers for questions vol. 89

Whattup. Back again for the first time but really for the 88th time. The questions keep coming…so I keep answering. If you got more, send them my way. The weirder the better.
Leave them in the comments below or email me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com
Okay? okay.

how the hell are you supposed to stay cool in NYC in the summer? if
you don’t have a car you can’t just simply blast the A.C. and keep it
moving. when you’re out and about you can duck into stores or whatever
and cool off for a minute. but after waiting on the subway platform
for more than 3 minutes its officially game over for not stinking and
having a dry shirt.

It gets pretty brutal here. As a person who sweats a fair amount, I can tell you that july and august in NYC is not the place to be. Many cold showers get taken and not because I’m horny. What I do to avoid the heat is stay inside and blast the air conditioning. Unfortunately, so does everyone else which often leads to blackouts in the city.
Other than that, wear shorts , go to places that have AC. Basically, just do the same thing you would anywhere else it’s hot.

Referencing “bad bitches” is so tired, so ubiquitous, I flinch when I hear otherwise great lyricists say it. What’re the hackiest phrases in hip hop right now?

“Swag” has got to be the most overused phrase right now. When I hear an adult use it (someone who’s my age, not a 22 year old adult) it sends douche chills down my spine. You know “swag” has gotten bad cause pretty soon it’s gonna start popping up in movies and a scene(s) will happen where an elderly person accidentally gets high or something and says “That’s shit is swag!”. Puffy’s old ass saying it without irony was one nail in the coffin. That movie situation will be the final nail (much like it was with Snoop dogg’s “for shizzle dizzle” talk)
I think what I like least about “swag” is that it’s lazy and can apply to anything. I’ve literally seen homeless men refer to their own swag. It’s attitude, it’s a walk, it’s clothing, it’s everything and yet it’s nothing. Fuck that dumb ass word.

your thumb gets ripped off in some terrible accident – it’s gone or so mangled it’s unusable.
but you have the option of replacing it with your big toe, or just leaving it be.
toe thumb or no thumb?

I feel like replacing it with my big toe would only lead to me having no big toe and barely functional thumb. I think I’d just leave it be. As important as a thumb is, being able to walk is more important.
One plus about losing my thumbs is that I could say i did it in protest of Mac Miller’s “Thumbs up” initiative.

I’m an MC (but who isn’t these days?) and I’ve been driven to wanting to produce my own beats. There’s too much garbage, too much drama, and too many people too unbelievably full of themselves to really build up any sort of relationship with at this point. Coming to mind is the local guy – a total unknown – who demanded $1000 to delete a pre-recorded hook in a beat he put out on a mixtape for people to rap over. “Yeah, I still have the files in Reason, but I’m gonna need you to fill out the paperwork and buy exclusive rights to the track before I do anything to it.” That kind of behavior sort of drove me back to the belief of “if you want something done right, do it yourself.”
That said, I have no idea where to start. I’m a pretty competent musician – I can play piano, bass, and guitar proficiently – and I’m not a bad songwriter in most rock genres. I’m also generally surrounded by talented musicians… but… I just have no idea how so much of this crap works. I guess the second part of that is live performance – what’s supposed to happen if you’ve already got your backing tracks and you’re doing a show? Hire some dude with a laptop to stand behind you and play them?
I wish I could just go and see that kind of thing in action, but the hip hop scene in Atlanta is garbage unless you’re some fat dude who screams “swag” over cut-rate dubstep at a club full of greasy teenagers.

Kinda confused as to what your question it, bro. Should you make your own beats? Uh…sure. Why not? I’d say you’re jumping ahead though already thinking about the performance aspect. Make some songs people actually like first. What you do on stage doesn’t matter if there is no one watching you do it. I will say this though, at your level, paying people to do things seems pointless. You shouldn’t have to pay anyone for beats yet. Those people trying to charge are most likely hacks and grifters. Paying for music happens when you can actually make a profit off music and that’s not happening anytime soon. Just find likeminded folks who are down to play some shit. You say you know musicians, I’m sure some are down to jam or whatever. Just make your music first and then worry about the business side of things when it’s applicable

Related to the cute / hot semantics: do you see a difference between a bro, a douchebag,and a hipster. If so, please describe.

Okay…let’s see. I suppose the best way to go about this is to just list them and describe them.
A Bro: This is your typical frat guy, vertical striped shirt at the bar, dressed like all his boys kinda dude who watches tons of college basketball. He’s not a bad guy. He’s friendly. He’s not a smart guy but he will say something funny by accident every now and then over Jager shots. He works out and manages to be kinda fat at the same time. When he plays sports, his face turns mad red. He’s got a life plan that was laid out by his parents and their parents. He gets married, has kids and dies. He’s harmless and useless at the same time. He knows the lyrics to Drake songs and has been to a dave matthews concert. He has drunkenly made out with many girls he met at bars that night but he’s also been charged with date rape.

A douche bag: Unlike a “bro”, a douche bag isn’t so much a genre of person. You can’t just walk down the street and be like “Oh, he’s just a douche bag…” well, you can but my point is there all tons of different types of douche bags. There are bro douche bags, there are hipster douche bags. Every personality type has a douche bag version. Because of this, it’s hard to really pinpoint what makes a person a douche bag. They just kinda are and you know it when you see it. That hipster explaining to you why Michael Bay movies are actually the pinnacle of all cinema while citing black and white french films? A douche bag. That Bro bumping shoulders with strangers at the bar with hopes of starting a fight? A Douche bag. That Hip hop dude who scoffs at the thought of a dj using Serato cause it’s not “real hip hop”? Huge douche bag.
Basically, it’s a know it all asshole who doesn’t realize what a shithead he is. So, I’d say the best way to describe a douche bag is someone who is completely unaware of themselves yet, at the same time, manages to be smug.

A Hipster: This word has spun out of control. And it’s definition depends on who you ask. I’ve been called a hipster. I’m 35 and wear jeans, t-shirts and hats everywhere….but to someone, I’m a hipster. Then, I go out and see 22 year olds dressed like israeli break dancers and think “look at those hipsters”. I suppose Hipsters are in the eye of the beholder. Personally, I view it as anyone who’s uber-aware of current trends and following those trends. For better or for worse cause, as we know, most trend are fucking laughable…but that doesn’t stop some kid from wearing a bowler hat, a sleeveless black vest, some daisy duke shorts (this is a man I’m talking about here) long black wool socks and some rare nike kicks that costs 400 bucks.

Just wondering, did you ever get any douchebags wanting to friend you acting like you guys were good friends after you got well known in the music scene in social media sites like facebook or twitter that you knew in high school/college but hated?

Not at all. First off, I’m not nearly famous enough for that to happen. Secondly, all those people are my age, which means they’d be like 35 trying to get down with me on some weird groupie shit. What 35 year old does that?
The only instance of this I can think of is when I meet someone, they have no idea who I am and then they find out. There have certainly been cases of that and even then, it’s more a situation of that person who was somewhat dismissive of me is all of a sudden really friendly. It doesn’t really mean shit to me though cause , for the most part, I’ve been hanging with the same group of friends for like 15-20 years. I’m not really in the market to make “new friends” that often so it’s not exactly an option for people.

Do you and the basketball fans you know in Manhattan give a shit that Brooklyn is getting a NBA team? Could a rivalry be brewing between these boroughs or could you careless what happens in Kings County? Just wondering what the local vibe is there and in Kings County about the issue.

I haven’t noticed an overwhelming feel either way. I think, as a person living in NYC, most people are kind of excited to have another option for a team to go watch play live. I don’t think Knick fans will be rooting for the nets though. What I do see happening is all the Brooklyn transplants embracing the Nets and it becoming some sort of hipster thing. I’ve already seen their shirts all around town. To be honest, the simple design and colors (black and white) are kinda dope.
Regardless, unless they get good very soon (which is unlikely) , the Nets will always be the second NY team. Like the Mets.

what’s your workflow like?
best part? shitty part?

Erratic. I pretty much work when i feel like it. Unless I’m focusing on something that’s time sensitive, then I’m fairly proactive. I tend to work in chunks. Like I’ll pound out a bunch of beats in a week and then not do anything for a week. It depends how I feel. I don’t really look at anything as a “best” or “worst” part. i mean, I definitely don’t like the preliminary stages of starting a new album cause it’s literally me just mapping out shit and it’s more math than it is musical. That shit is beyond tedious. But, other than that, it’s all good. I’m a pretty quick worker and just obsessive enough that I pretty much finish everything I start.

have you ever taught production lessons? what would you focus on? it’s something i’m thinking of doing.

God no. I’d be a terrible teacher. Aside from my basic impatience , I’m a short cut taking , lazy, learn my own way kinda person. My way is NEVER the correct way to do things. It’s organic, but most of the time it’s totally wrong. I can barely remember what plug goes where to even set my own studio up, let alone teach someone anything.

Song(s) of the day 6/8/12


Selected works of Freddie Foxxx
http://www.mediafire.com/?uftwau72742ll4o

Freddie Foxxx is a rapper who never really got his due props from people who weren’t his peers. In Fact, I feel like people overlook him as some sort of tough guy gimmick and miss that he’s actually a pretty awesome rapper. Here we have a guy who’s been rapping since the 80’s who is possibly the most intimidating rapper of all time. He’s a guy who everyone of your favorite rappers had guest on their songs , in which he would steal the spotlight every time.
Unfortunately, his solo career never fully came together. His first album “Freddie Foxxx is here” missed with too many songs about girls and weak beats. His second album “Crazy like a foxxx” got shelved at a time when he was at his most popular. The album “Industry Shakedown” would definitely be his finest complete work , in my opinion, but it came out during the early 2000’s nerd rap boom and I feel a lot of people weren’t trying to hear that kinda shit at that point. It’s unfortunate cause it’s full of bangers. Whatever the case, it seems as if the stars never aligned for him the way they should have.

I recall seeing him perform live at the Wetlands (RIP) sometime in the 90’s. I’m not typically a crowd participation kinda guy but Foxxx was so intense and…well…scary that he had the full attention of everyone in there. After the show I gave him a pound and my hands (which are actually pretty big) felt like a chestnut inside his. It’s one of those rare cases of the hype (of how ill he is) living up to the reality. There are so many tough guy rappers out there but how many are actually tough? How many will shoot the fair one? How many are nicknamed “Bumpy Knuckles” for obvious reasons? Only one.
So, here’s a little EP of sorts of my favorite Freddie Foxxx Moments. Kinda similar to a super old Willie D appreciation post I made back in the early stages of this blog (That link still works, btw)
Anyway, enjoy the finest work of the hardest rapper ever. Trust, you will feel much tougher after listening to this…but don’t forget, you’re still a pussy. So am I. It’s okay.

1)24 hours
2)Money in the Bank (Kool G rap and polo)
3)Cook a niggaz ass (Feat. Kool G rap)
4)Ruff Ruff (Boogie Down Productions)
5)Rough Enough
6)The Master
7)Stock in the game
8)The Mastas
9)The Militia (Gangstarr)

Fuck/Marry/Kill Vol 13


Back again! Your favorite thing ever! Fuck marry kill!
The game where I decide on the fate of three women/things who would , most likely, not spit on me if I asked them to. It’s funny how that works.
A very interesting variety this week. If you have original ideas for F/M/K send them my way. No promise I’ll use them but I could always use more ideas. Leave them in the comments below or email me them at phatfriendblog@gmail.com

F/M/K:Rachel from Caribbean Rhythms, Big Les from Rap City, or Free from 103 and Park

Kill: Big Les

It’s sad cause she was a big part of my growing up on Rap City…Unfortunately, she’s looks like Al Harrington with a wig. No bueno. Also, she was always pretty corny but , in her defense, so is every person who’s ever hosted a show on BET. So, yeah, her name is “big Lez”. I’m pretty sure she’s not trying to fuck or marry me either.

Fuck: Rachel

I won’t lie, I never watched that show. I kinda hate new reggae/dancehall so it was never even on my radar. So, upon googling her, she’s certainly fuckable…so there you have it. But I’ll be damned if I marry some girl who wants to bogle all night to Ninja man B-sides. Fuck that shit.
Also, upon further googling, she kinda has a man jaw. That might not bother some but it’s a personal peeve of mine.

Marry: Free

Free is adorable. I always wanted to bone her and now is my hypothetical chance to take a serious crack at everlasting love with her. Sure, she’s beyond corny. I mean…next level cornball status. Like a girl who wears kangols and rave dances in the front seat of a car level corny. But, whatever, she’s mad cute , has a dope body and seems nice enough. And besides her competition is a huge lesbian and a women I’ve never seen before. Easy choice.

F/M/K: Movie critics, Music critics, Sports pundits

Marry: Movie Critics

This was tough cause, ideally, I’d like to kill all three of these types of people. In all three types, the majority of the people doing them are some of the worst people alive. However, that wouldn’t be fair to the game so the movie people live. Why? Well, as many good reviews as I’ve seen written by music critics, the best reviews I’ve ever read have been by movie critics. Sure, for every great film critic, there’s some dipshit on the local news somewhere in virginia giving a great movie thumbs down for it’s excessive language but, still, good film reviewers do exist.

Fuck:Music Critics

Obviously, this would be a hate fuck. My goal , in fucking music critics , would be to make them walk funny. Maybe I’d even try and fuck their ear holes. Do the whole world a favor.
As you might have guessed, this one is personal. It’s funny cause I haven’t really gotten reviewed that poorly over my career but this isn’t personal in that way. I mean that the majority of music reviews I read seem to miss the point. They often are just a way to highlight the agenda of the person writing it and , worst of all, the reviewer doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Also, who’s more pompous than a music critic? These dudes act like they make music but they don’t (and if they do, they do it badly). So fuck them….literally.

Kill: Sports pundits

These pieces of shit gotta die. I think what sets them apart from the above two is that they are talking about something no one can truly predict. At least in film and music there is something palpable about what you’re seeing. To watch two dickheads like Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith ARGUE endlessly over who MIGHT win an upcoming game is infuriating. Simply becuase their is no definite answer. It’s like arguing over next weeks weather. I know it’s their job but they’re basically people who get payed to troll. Die slow, cocksuckers.

F/M/K: Kat Dennings/Ellen Page/Random Hipster Chick

Fuck: Kat Dennings

I’d say she might be the quintessential “Fuck”. She’s attractive but flawed, yet really sexy and she has huge boobs. Like, if I met her in real life, I’d probably thirst to fuck her but, looking at her as a movie star, she doesn’t exactly pop up as a girl I give two shits about. Also, she’s got slut eyes. I’ve spoken about them before and they are a boner goldmine.

Kill: Ellen Page

Ellen page is adorable. She’s like 5 foot nothing and has a very pretty face. Problem is, she’s got the body of an asian boy and the sex appeal of Pee wee Herman. From what I gather, she’s not into dudes…which is fine. I would just feel really gross having sex with her and marriage would be a lie. So, instead, I’d just put her down gently. Maybe via a pill or something.

Marry: Random hipster chick

Whoever submitted this one got lazy but, at least it left it open to my imagination. In my mind, this hipster chick is hot enough to marry. Seeing I don’t wanna marry either of the above two, this girl is perfect for me. The funny thing about labeling hipsters “hipster” is that that title can apply to most young people who are up on trends. That’s pretty much most people I know who don’t work in finance. So, by that logic, I’mma marry a hipster girl regardless.

F/M/K:Your clone, your sister, a hot girl with full blown AIDs

Kill: My clone

I seriously debated marrying myself. That would be amazing. It would be a sexless marriage but, holy shit, we’d have fun. But putting my sister as an option was cold blooded.
There’s no way I’m fucking myself so death it is. It’s cool though cause there is already one of me. No one will miss “me part 2”.

Marry: Sister

I’ve got 4 sisters and I don’t want marry them. But if it’s either fuck them, kill them or marry them, you leave me no choice. Simply to keep them alive, I’d have to marry them. The biggest bummer in all this would be I’d have to move to kentucky or some shit where that’s legal.

Fuck: Hot girl with full blown AIDS

I’m not gonna lie , the “full blown” part kinda grosses me out. Cause that tends to mean they’re showing physical signs of the virus. Gaunt faces, lesions ect…however, you said “hot girl” so I can only assume she still looks decent. Obviously, I’d be taking a huge risk with this one but it’s better than fucking or killing my sister. Not to mention, AIDS is basically cured at this point so , even if I got it, I’d be able to live my life in some fashion. But, seriously, whoever came up with these three choices is a jerk.

F/M/K: Ga Ga , Madonna (in prime), Debbie Harry ( again, prime)

Kill: Lady GaGa

These three are well tread territory but the “in prime” addition kinda interested me.
This was tougher than I thought it would be. The thing is, as terrible as her face is, GaGa’s ass is wonderful. So wonderful, in fact, that she’s actually kinda fuckable. However, in this match up, her gonzo beak of a nose will be her down fall. Sorry girl…You dead.

Fuck: Madonna

I
I loathe madonna. Deeply. However, young madonna was sexy and undoubtedly an amazing lay. Her tits are the things dreams are made of and this was before she thought she was a british person and before her arms looked like veiny cocks. She was still soft in the right places. Really, this is a case of timing and the inner teenager in me watching the video for “Cherish” with my dick in my hand.

Marry: Debbie Harry

Pretty obvious…OR WAS IT?!?!?!
Debbie harry was a hot model in her prime..but she was also a disastrous coke fiend. If there’s one thing I can’t handle, it’s a coked out bitch. However, she’s so much cooler than either of these other two it’s not even close. Also, she seems to have gotten over the powder so I can assume everything would even out with her. But, let it be known, I wrestled with the idea of Killing her coked out ass, fucking GaGa and marrying Madonna…but then I remembered I hate both those two pieces of shit and went with my heart. Yay!

Too good for TV ass dudes.


I recently tweeted this
“If you’re watching the mtv movie awards instead of the game of thrones finale, i’m judging you, bro.”

Cause I was both excited to watch the season finale of that awesome show , as well as point out how terrible the MTV movie awards are. In typical internet fashion when discussing ANYTHING TV related, I was met with agreement (which is nice), “Game of Thrones” hate (which is fine) and people who took time to respond so they could alert me (and whoever else is reading) that they are above watching tv. That last one has been a regular occurrence on my twitter feed as I often reference Tv characters and shows in general. Because of its regularity, I followed that tweet with this:
“That smug “Oh, I don’t even own a tv” attitude is the worst. i don’t wanna hear it. Trust me, Tv is way cooler than you are.”

Obviously, the response to that was pretty black and white. I mean, it was kinda baiting people to begin with. For as many people who “liked” and retweeted it, there were many people disagreeing. They came in all forms. From people who misunderstood my point completely (“I only watch TV shows on the internet!”) to people who got into some sort of “Let the corporations control your mind dewddddd” conspiracy bullshit. To be clear, my entire point was: hey, it’s 100% fine if you have no interest in television. But the second you think you’re smarter or above people who do watch TV you’re a smug prick.

I’ve actually harped on this topic before but I figured I’d get a little more in-depth about it as it seems all the reasoning I could muster in facebook comments won’t help. Lemme rattle off some bullet points with hopes of maybe explaining my position better.

1)Generalizing gone wrong
Much like every other form of entertainment, TV is 90% terrible. Same goes for music, books, movies, painting, sculpture ect…there are hacks in all walks of life and no more so than in the vast world of “art” and its many mediums. As there is no definitive “right or wrong” in art, it opens the door for pretty much anyone who can squeeze through. The sad truth of this is that the general public will usually eat what is served to them. Thus, we have highly popular things that are, in fact, completely worthless to anyone with a hair of self-worth and intelligence. I think this is where the initial confusion of the person who hates all things TV related. They assume ALL TV is as bad as what’s on display. If they don’t have cable, they’re subjected to the worst of it. With the exception of maybe three or four shows over the last decade, I find most non-cable TV unwatchable. However, these people are overlooking that cable exists. Say what you will, but HBO has made some undeniable shows. AMC has too. Even Showtime has some decent ones. And what about comedy central? Or the Travel Channel? That’s the thing..we’ve all got different tastes and interests but cable is so vast, there’s something for everyone. To look at TV , as a whole, and claim it’s beneath you cause it’s all crap is like listening to the radio and saying all Music is crap. you’re simply not looking in the right places. It’s there. If this means you only use netflix to watch certain shows? IT’S STILL A TV SHOW YOU’RE WATCHING. So , unless you’re happier sitting in a candlelit room reading 24 hours a day or you’re climbing mountains 6 days a week, shut the fuck up. You’re not “above” TV. You’re simply not interested in what it has to offer. If that’s the case, go watch a theater troop in the park or something. Bring wine and crackers. Go nuts.

2)Movies=TV
The only difference is the commercials. And, yes, commercials are annoying. Thank god for on demand, tivo and DVR. With those you can just skip over the shit you don’t wanna watch and enjoy the show.
I mentioned this in a response to my second tweet and someone wrote this:
“Films, have creative integrity a real script. Narrative, cinema is a highly important element that is crucial to the survival of the collective that is the arts. Don’t compare that legacy to dumbass tv advertising and propaganda messaging, brain washing society’s over and over to push agendas. Far from it. ”

First off, this dude is acting like “earnest goes to camp” and “Battlefield earth” never existed. I don’t know what bubble one would have to live in to miss the similarities between bad film and bad TV but it’s a thick one.
Now, obviously, this dude has never seen any of the great shows of our generation. I’d pretty much bet my life on it cause this opinion is so fucking extreme you’d think TV killed his parents. But had he actually seen these greats shows (The wire, breaking bad, Sopranos, Mad men, louie, south park, Deadwood ect…) he’d probably realize they’re no different from movies. You know why? Cause they’re the same exact thing, in different formats. The same way a GOOD film is conceived, written, produced, filmed and executed is not that different from a GOOD tv show. Sure, there is no equivalent in film to your typical 3 camera sitcom. But there are movies just as bad as those with no redeeming artistic value whatsoever. The only difference is that the movie wraps up a story in 2 hours while a tv show can linger a little and tell something far more sprawling. I’ve been just as captivated by certain TV shows as I have any movie. And I love movies. I watch movies all the time. Speaking of movies, you know where they show a lot of those? ON YOUR TV. It’s crazy dewdz! THis new thing called “cable” has like 80 channels that only show films. Weird, right? But , yeah, fuck TV. It’s the devil…Totally.
But beyond that, my movies=TV point is really just saying it’s a form of entertainment that we watch. I’m sure there are people out there who only watch black and white foreign films and secretly jack off in the mirror to how deep they are ,but some of us actually are entertained by a wide range of things. If the “brain washing” and “propaganda” is effecting you, you’re probably too dumb to realize it anyway so it’s really neither here nor there. And , people in that lane are probably long gone anyway. It’s really shouldn’t be a concern for anyone even in this conversation.

3)Different strokes
I like all sorts of TV. From high-end heady shit to low brow moronic shit. The thing is, everyone watches things differently. If you hear me speaking highly of some shit like “The real world”, it’s because it’s ridiculous. Not cause it’s high art. And not everything HAS to be deep. Perhaps I get a kick out of watching dumb people act stupidly, either from a strictly sociological perspective or in a mindless “look at the clowns dance” type of way. I’m fascinated by people and how they act. Especially people who are seemingly from another planet as I am. I could not be less like a Jersey Shore guy…but to see them go about their daily lives is entertaining to me (albeit fairly depressing at times). Sometimes, reality TV is a window into a world I’d otherwise never knew existed and would, in most cases, never want to be near first hand.
I mean, to be fair, even I draw a line. I can’t watch any real housewives shit cause it makes me angry and I start hating women too much. I understand everyone has those boundaries. I’m sure plenty of you draw the line at any reality TV in general. That’s fine. Just understand that some people who watch that kinda stuff aren’t always doing it mindlessly. And if they are? What’s the problem? Maybe they had a rough week at work and just want to vegetate over some other people’s problems.
My point is , Mr. “I don’t even own a tv cause I’m too busy with life” , you’re really in no place to judge anyone. As much as you hate TV and everything it stands for, I may feel the same way about your crystal collection. Or your religion. It doesn’t make one better or worse…I’m a fairly judgmental guy who loves a nice generalization but even I know better than to categorically claim an entire medium is terrible. It’s different if it’s a genre within that medium but a WHOLE medium? That’s crazy talk.

4)You’re not special
I think the thing that rubs me the wrong way the most about this entire thing is the smugness. That “looking down your nose” attitude that the people who are to good for TV seem to have. The funny thing is, in my experience, you put them in front of a TV, they will zone out. It’s kinda the best cause they’ll end up watching like 8 episodes of “Bad girls club” on your couch and then a week later be preaching that same old “Tv is the devil” shit. Probably cause they watched “bad girls club” for 8 hours. They also tend to harp on things like having better things to do with their time…but I’m pretty sure most people have some downtime. If you wanna read books during that time, good for you. If you wanna surf the internet, go for it. If you wanna have meaningful discussions over bottles of wine with friends, by all means, do it (just don’t invite me). But If a person wants to watch one of their shows, there’s nothing wrong with that. They’re not dumber because of it. They’re not under the spell of some huge corporate propaganda machine. They’re simply just watching some tv.

So, yeah, get off your high horse. You’re fighting a battle that you have no insight on.If you really wanna sharpen your debate sword on this topic, try watching some TV. Start with some of those shows I listed above. Then come holler at me about how terrible they were. Though, if you do, I’ll just know your issue isn’t that you dislike TV as much as you just have shitty taste.