Answers for questions vol. 92



What up everyone? I’m up bright and early due to the never ending construction going on outside my window. Feels good, man.
Anyway, if you got questions you’d like to ask (that aren’t boring or “What’s your top five….” type) then please send them my way: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. This weeks batch is pretty interesting as I think some people are getting the hang of the whole off-center question idea. Let’s go.

Check it, I play in a weekly pickup basketball game and today a lot of the usual players were absent. The guy who organizes everything called some replacements and one of them brought a friend of his. He looked like a regular dude but he had a little attitude. I didn’t notice it at first, becouse he came to me and introduced himself politely. When we started playing we were covering each other and at first he was killing me because of my poor conditioning and low energy and motivation on this particular day and he had a great jumpshot (he nailed a couple threes straight into my face). But then the game slowed down a little, it became more half court oriented and I returned the favor with my legs back under me. So on one particular play he was defending me and I went through pick to get the ball while he was trying to stay with me. I felt a slight bump on my shoulder, but nothing to write home about. Actually on second thought, I felt nothing at all, but when I looked back this dude was holding his mouth and when he released his hand, there were little pieces of a tooth in it. I felt quite bad about it (even though it wasn’t my fault as he bumpet into me) and I asked him what’s up. He said “what u think it is?? you broke my fucking tooth!” and he stormed out of the gym while picking his sport bag. I followed him and once again told him I’m sorry and asked him to open his mouth and let me see how bad it is but he was real bitchy about it and just left. At first I felt real bad about the whole situation, but then I thought to myself that it isn’t my fuckin fault. It is a contact sport and shit happens sometimes. People twist their ankles all the time. And it wasn’t like he was driving to the hoop and i knocked the shit out of him like we in some 1994,1995 new york knicks playoff series, it was just a regular play and we just collided somehow. I understand that you are mad at the fact that it happened, it sucks that he now has to deal with dentists. It will probably take him some time to fix it (because fucking dentists take their time before they are ready to see you) and not to mention, it will cost him some money of course. But he shouldn’t be such a bitch about it, am I right? If you’re a pussy, than go play some volleyball or something. And I still think this could have been avoided if he were playing with more concentration, he just stopped caring when my team went up by like 15 or something and was half assing it around the court. The last time I twisted my ankle I was half assing it, so it has to be some kind of correlation here.
Do I feel sorry about him? yes. Was he a total pussy douche bag about it? you tell me.

First off, that was quite the novella you wrote.
As for the question,I’d say he was just salty and doesn’t know where to direct his anger. Obviously he knows you didn’t do it on purpose (unless he’s one of THOSE types who thinks the world is out to get him) but it seems like there are two types of people in those kind of situations: People who accept it and people who panic and feel the need to place the blame. Whatever the case, fuck that guy. You apologized. It was no one’s fault. Like you said it sucks but it happens.
I was playing pick up ball once when I was like 22 and I came down from a rebound on the corner of someones shoes and decimated my ankle. I mean…it was a wrap. I eventually learned I tore three ligaments and was out of commission for about 8 months (not to mention, I didn’t do physical therapy cause I didn’t have health insurance so it never really healed right and I lost about 10 inches on my vertical leap). Anyway, as I collapsed to the ground in a heap, this dickhead I was playing with just looked at me and said ” That what you get for wearing low tops”. I’ve pretty much wished death on that dude since those words came out of mouth.
So, yeah, unless you acted like that fucking guy, ol’ toothless asshole really has no right to throw a hissy fit at you.

So, if yr a vegan, can you eat zombie flesh? I mean, the’re undead….

Hmm…As a non-vegan, it’s hard to answer that cause , while i know the basic rules, i don’t know the fine print of what they can and cannot eat. That said, if they’re not drinking milk cause it comes from an animal, I highly doubt they’re feasting on the bodies of the undead. To be honest, i doubt your most adventurous carnivore would even consider that. From what I understand (aka have seen in movies) those things probably fucking stink and full of tar like blood. Not even Andrew Zimmern’s fat ass would try that.

This may have been asked in a previous edition, but do you think rappers, and musicians in general, have an obligation to society?

Perhaps this might change when/if i have kids but , at the moment, I say “Fuck no”. I don’t think artists are obligated to anyone but themselves (in terms of the content they create). The funny thing to me is the ignorant rappers are way less an issue for society than the ones who promote their gaudy lifestyle and “sweet sixteen” mentality. Like a rapper talking about shooting someone and fucking bitches , in my eyes, is far less dangerous to our youth than a rapper bragging about his cars and over the top lifestyle. I say this cause, while the killer rappers promote that lifestyle, the reality of the situation is people aren’t really cut out to be killers. The average person can front , but they don’t have that mind set no matter how many thugged out albums they listen to. Not to mention, I think we (humans) are naturally keen to the idea that most of that is make believe. Where as a rapper talking about his car or his necklace is palpable. Kids see that and it’s actually real and they they aspire to have that as well. It just sets up a poor moral code that, unfortunately, is easy to mimic regardless of how broke you are.
That said, these rappers can say whatever they want. Anyone old enough to own music should be able to differentiate between what’s real and what’s entertainment.

I Have a third nipple. I have been wondering if i should talk it up or just let it drift into obscurity. I live in a very sunny hot place so i don’t go about without a shirt or i burn quite badly. Because of this most of my friends don’t know that i have one, but i think its a funny thing to have. I am trying to decide if i should just leave it not talked about, or flaunt it. What would you do?

Every third nipple I’ve ever seen is tiny. Almost like a mole underneath a persons breast. If yours is like that, I don’t see the big deal. It’s almost unnoticeable and, even if it is noticed, it’s a fun talking point. Human defects that aren’t inherently gross make for great conversation. It also has that “i’m different!” thing working for it that people seem to be drawn to. However, if you got like a full sized pepperoni nipple chilling under your chest, then that’s a little different. Then it crosses into the slightly abnormal/no longer cute territory.
A good way to gauge how it will be received is by how girls took it the first time they saw it. Did they care? If not, then it’s all good.
But really, if you don’t give a shit (and you seem to have a good disposition about it) then just rock it with pride. Tell people it’s your inner minds 3rd eye or something.

You have mentioned you drink Vodka/soda as the go to for getting drunk. Yet you mention whiskey farts. What kind of Whiskey do you like?

Jameson would be my first choice but I’m cool with most non-well drink whiskeys. I don’t like scotch though.
I’m not a brand guy when it comes to booze. It’s either cheap or it’s not. I avoid the cheap shit but I also don’t splurge on booze. I drink it specifically to get drunk so the taste is really never that big a selling point to me. To be honest, I think all booze tastes kinda shitty (in the relative sense when comparing it to non-alcoholic beverages) and if it didn’t get me drunk, I’d never drink it. So, when drinking, I’m just looking for the cleanest drink that will give me the smallest hangover possible.

Aliens come to this Earth and catch you at a moment where you’re alone and can have a conversation with them without anyone else on Earth knowing. They want to use you in a study. For the purposes of this question, let’s just say that it’s related to human interaction… whatever it is, not really important to the question. Here’s the deal: They will take you to their home planet, where you will be put into a simulator that mimics our world completely, down to your interpersonal relationships with everyone you’ve known/ever known, you have the same living situation, etc. Essentially, you’d go to sleep, wake up in your own bed and be in the new alien world, but for all intents and purposes, it would be exactly like Earth. Here’s the deal: as payment for them studying you – your life, outside of minor inconveniences and real-life, important, galvanizing events (parents dying, etc. to keep things feeling real and not TOO good) – will be the most rewarding and fruitful life possible, beyond your wildest dreams. You will love and be loved more than you thought possible, you will find success and realize all your goals, and you will eventually die in the simulator (as your real human body dies) feeling as if you have lived and loved in amazing and fulfilling ways. You believe the aliens and trust that they won’t fuck you over once you’re in the simulator (and they won’t). The catch: in the back of your mind, you know that everything that is going on is all a lie, and all your real friends are back on Earth, wondering where you are and missing you. Would you take the aliens up on their offer?

Damn son…That’s deep. I was fully on board with a resounding “yes” until you reminded me that my family and friends would be wondering what the fuck happened to me. As good as that alien bio-dome life would seem, I don’t think I could do that to the people around me. Not to mention, it would be a huge blow to my twitter feed.

Some strange businessman comes to your house. He is prepared to give you $10 million in untaxed money (which is legit – he actually has the money and is ready to pony up). One catch: you have to be put in a casket and buried alive for 48 hours. You have an air supply so you won’t suffocate, but you will be subjected to 48 straight hours of extreme claustrophobia and no food, not to mention no bathroom and nothing entertaining to do. Just you and your mind. There is a small water tube to keep you hydrated enough to keep you alive. He has a small camera in the casket to record your misery because he’s a sick fuck and it excites him. After the 48 hours, your are dug up, given the money, and the guy goes away forever. Would you do it?

FYI, This is the same dude who asked the question above…and he’s evil.

On paper, I’d say yes cause 48 hours doesn’t seem like much in exchange for 10 million dollars. However, I’m pretty claustrophobic and I’d probably have a complete nervous breakdown in that coffin. Even more than that, I’m a hungry motherfucker. I need food…always. The idea of just sipping water through a gerbils cage straw for two days as my only nourishment is pretty horrifying. I get cranky if I don’t eat lunch by 2 let alone being trapped in a coffin with only water for two days. So, it would be me pretty much shitting my pants in fear, having a panic attack, while hungrier than I’ve ever been for 2 days.So, I’ll pass on this one. I’m not broke enough where that 10 million dollars will tempt me to do that. sure, I’d love the money but I’m chilling for now. Ask me again when I got some debt and my answer my change.
If I could bring food and a laptop with wireless internet in there, I might change my tune though.

Quick question – thoughts on the whole Canibus notepad fiasco? (fiasco’s a good word without lupe in front of it)


Man…that was sad. The thing is, i never liked canibus. i always thought he was annoying and just not someone I wanted to listen to. I even thought LL held his own in that battle…I’m THAT biased. I watched the above battle (well…most of it) and it just seemed like Canibus was out of his league. That said, I think those battles , while often entertaining are kinda bullshit. Maybe I’m old but a rhythmless acapella battle with pre-writtens is a little corny to me. Those dudes are definitely hilarious but it’s kinda like rapping’s version of wrestling. Billy woods put it best when he said “Don’t make sense like two niggas crackin’ jokes with no beat and wanna call it a battle” on the song “The foreigner”

15 thoughts on “Answers for questions vol. 92

  1. Krispy Kreme: He’s the baddest amirite? I mean, nobody but complete fucktards thought he was serious…but he pulled that shit off and stayed in character long enough to make it awesome in my opinion. What are your thoughts on dudes parodying the genre of hip-hop, whether they are good or bad, how do you feel about it?

  2. This isn’t a serious question, but am i the only one that thinks canibus looks like ray charles with those glasses on? and can we get jamie foxx to do a biographical movie about him?

  3. I gotta Que…I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months. He’s a little more invested than I am and he’s starting to get pretty relationship-y. I like him a lot, but I want to keep it casual for now. He has a kid and I’m not quite sure yet if I’m down with that. I’ve been completely upfront with him on how I feel though. Anyways, we’ve started having deep convos about our past relationships and that. I find myself wanting to know more and ask questions. For example; he’s a super attractive/charismatic guy and I’m really curious to know how many notches he has on his bed post. What’s the etiquette on questions like this? And if I just want to keep this relationship casual, is it any of my business? He has no problem asking me these types of questions, and for the most part I’ve been answering them. But if I start asking them am I sending out the wrong message?

  4. Here’s a couple quick questions:

    1. When you hear a song you’ve never heard that you really like, do you play that shit more than once in a row and does it bother you if someone wants to listen to a single song over and over while you’re ears are in listening range? It may depend on the quality of the song but for the sake of argument, call it something that you don’t hate but don’t love either.

    2. On a scale of 1 to “stop before I murder your bitch ass” where does the sound of nails on a chalkboard fall with you and is there any other sound that really gets under your skin?

  5. wow these were some good ones! That coffin one is crazy. It all seems good until you actually picture doing it. Trying to stretch or reach out and not being able to. Although if you’ve ever been in ICU or hospitalized, you know the feeling of being stuck in one spot for an extended amount of time. The only difference is they give you drugs so you don’t care.

    • In fact it reminds me of that Stephen King short story “The Jaunt” about teleportation in the future, but you have to be unconscious for it. This one kid stays awake and endures a near eternity of time inside his mind and goes crazy. That’s what the coffin would be like.

  6. Oh yeah, I’m glad the sports injury thing was brought up! A few years ago I was playing ice hockey, and although it’s technically “no-checking” for pickup play… it’s fucking ice hockey. Sometimes the play gets rough and that’s why you wear pads. However this game, we were in the corner 3 of us going for the puck on the wall in a cluster when all of a sudden my right skate comes out from under me. Dude straight hooked my skate and tripped me and I went down right on my thumb and broke it. I turned around pissed as fuck but there were two players behind me, both of them claiming not to know what happened. Even though it was foul play and fucked up I brushed it off and even tried to play the last few minutes (I didn’t know my thumb was actually broken).
    For the longest time afterward however, I held this resentment towards the unknown asshole that did it in a game of fucking pick-up where we don’t even keep score.
    It’s just good to read a story from the other perspective and know that at least I didn’t go home crying like the dude in the story. I would liked to have gotten a, “my bad, bro” at least, even in the highly unlikely circumstance that it was an accident.

  7. If you could pick one object to have an committed romantic relationship with, (like that guy who gets down with his car or that lady in love with the Berlin wall) what would it be?

    I picked a yard sprinkler. Don’t ask.

  8. You know what I found funny? Remember when Camron went on the O’Reilly Factor to talk about his music and the influence it had on kids? Well, I don’t know if that’s specifically what he went on the show to talk about, but Bill O’Reilly, keeping in line with his stern, tough-talking Irish Catholic guy schtick, immediately steered the conversation in that direction – accusing Camron of influencing these little black kids. Anyway, there was an abortion doctor out in Iowa, or Kansas, some bible thumping state named George Tiller; and O’Reilly used to do segments on this guy constantly referring to him as “Tiller the baby Killer.” 28 segments in total before a lady approached Tiller in his car outisde the doctor’s office one day and pumped five bullets into him, killing him. I wonder if at any point in his interview with Camron, O’Reilly thought about that and the fact that he might have been the catalyst for that guy’s murder. The hypocrisy was just funny to me. O’Reilly could very well have directly caused a person’s death. Can you say the same about Camron?

    Anyway, I agree with you in a way, but I think you’re looking at it from the middle class white kid point of view. For example: “I think we (humans) are naturally keen to the idea that most of that is make believe” – that quote. Yes, that would be true for the kid who is not constantly exposed to the kind of shit that those artists rap about in real life., but for the little ghetto kids all of that shit is a tangible reality. For them, slinging coke and busting caps and all that bullshit is right outside their front door. His argument is that he’s just a reflecting reality, not projecting it.

    Here’s the interview:

    • Eh, stupid people are stupid people. If you’re gonna be influenced by tv or music to the point where you kill someone, you’re a fucking idiot.
      People should be responsible for themselves and their people. Whenever someone makes a point to blame someone they don’t know for something dumb they did, it’s 100% bullshit.

      • I agree. Just saying that if you’re gonna concede that rappers pushing a materialistic lifestyle are influential on kids, for the ghetto kids, the ones pushing all the thug shit are just as influential. And that behavior is much easier to imitate. Doesn’t cost any money to be a thug.

  9. Oh, and that’s what happened to Canibus? He’s been reduced to obscure rap battles with no names. Oh, what a fall from Grace! I remember he had a little feud with Eminem back in the day, he still name drops him in his battles to remind everyone.

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