Behold my childhood art Part 1

I recently unearthed a box of old cartoons I drew when I must have been between the ages of 7-11. Back then, all I did was collect Garbage pail kids and read “The Far Side”. Because of this, my cartoons were basically mind numbingly terrible rip offs of both those things but with a twist of crazy. Apparently, I was a pretty weird fucking kid. I figured it would be fun to share some of these with you guys cause, really, I’ve been cracking up looking at them the last few days.
I find this all especially funny cause I come from an artistic family. My dad was an artist, a few of my siblings are artists and there are a few more scattered around the family tree. However, I seemingly did not inherit this skill. I could not (and still can’t) draw a circle. Seriously, I was and currently am fucking TERRIBLE at all things drawing related. So, here are some of my fake Garbage Pail Kids characters. I’ll throw the rest up at a later date. BEHOLD!

Woody Allen
Because I was such a shitty artist, I had a habit of telling the reader what they were looking at in case it wasn’t clear. Thus the arrows pointing and the words “Axes” and “bird”. This is something I still do to this very day when playing “Draw Something”. Some might call it cheating, I call it evening the playing field.
I’m still trying to figure out the “Forget your local tree” Sign to his right. Perhaps this was my 9 year old self being all environmentally conscious and shit. Who knows.

Dehydrate Kate AKA Dihigrate Kate

Yes, I’ve always been a bad speller.
A common theme you may see in a few of these is that I loved barf jokes. If there was room for me to throw vomit anywhere near a cartoon, I was all in. To be honest, I’m kinda shocked my 9 year old self even knew that people might throw up when they were insanely dehydrated. Especially when standing in front of a prick-less cactus. Oh, and if you can’t tell, those are her eyes bursting out of her skull, no doubt from the force in which she is vomiting.

Nauseous Ned AKA Nawshise Ned

Again with the vomiting. I’m not gonna lie, I still have look up the spelling of “Nauseous” to this day, so I don’t even feel bad about how comically off my spelling was. This one is what it is. Simple. effective.

Jumping Jack

This one could have been extra awesome had I incorporated flashing into it and made “Jumping Jack Flash” but I doubt my art skills were up to the task of portraying that. Here we have jack jumping off one of the World trade center towers. Yes, this was a pre-9/11 world we lived in where little boys were free to draw cartoons of suicidal men plunging to their demise. AMERICAAAAAAA!!!!

Flashing Phil AKA Fashing Phil

Ah..perhaps I skipped the “Jumping Jack Flash” idea cause I had already come up with this banger. I must say, I went about it pretty tastefully. Sure, I could of drawn all sorts of cock and balls up in this but I took the high road. Also, Phil seems to be wearing a hooded rain jacket or something. Regardless, you don’t wanna see what the other side of that drawing would have looked like.

Jack Lemon
I dunno but this one feels like it could be some abstract street art. I could see this tagged all around town and people eventually wearing “Jack Lemon” shirts. Any one out there wanna make that happen, go for it.
I’m honestly shocked i even knew who Jack Lemmon was back then but one things for sure, the kid (Me) loved himself a good pun.

Booger Bob AKA Bugger Bob

This dude got the moves like Jagger.
It’s no secret, adolescent boys love a good bodily fluid joke. Boogers, barf, farts, pee, poop…the cornerstone of all young humor. Suffice to say, that never changes.
My misspelling here was interesting. “Bugger Bob” could have been a whole different thing but I was too young and not british enough to realize it.

Cocaine Dwayne AKA Cocain Dwyane

This one is pretty much my favorite. For sooooooo many reasons. But first and foremost, cause I happened to write somewhat of stat sheet on the back, explaining a little extra about our friend Dwyane

It reads like a Clipse verse. His rock band “Drugged dudes” must have been pretty awesome.
This one is especially crazy cause HOW THE FUCK DID I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT COCAINE AT THAT AGE?!?!?! I was way too aware at that age I guess…or maybe I had a coke head baby sitter and I just don’t remember it. Whatever the case, it’s clear that your boy Cocain Dwyane likes to party…to the point where, much like “Dehydrate Kate”, his eyes pop out of his head. It’s 25 years later now and i’ve seen all sorts of real life coked out people…and I’m pretty sure Dwyane puts them all to shame. If you can snort coke till your eyes pop out WHILE SMILING, come holler at your boy Dwyane. He got that pure snow.

28 thoughts on “Behold my childhood art Part 1

  1. Dude, hilarious! I teach 5th grade, so I get to see some pretty…. inventive… drawings myself. Seems as though you were influenced by Garbage Pail Kids.

  2. These are GOLD!!! If P.F.A.C. 2 is ever in your future plans, Cocain Dwayne should make a cameo!!! I always loved finding my old school notebooks, filled with insights into the disturbing mind of a youthful boy, not yet fully corrupted by the power of the poon-tang, but definately tainted just enough to shock the fuck outta any adult who was lucky enough to witness this portal into our “innocent” little minds! GARBEGE PAL KIDS were the SHIZZZNIT!!

  3. Hahahaha. Equal parts, what the fuck and god damn. This is now one of my favorite posts from you block!!

  4. I don’t know if I read this right, but does Dwayne eat LSD? Also that’s a genius quote, you must have been an awesome kid.

      • I had been holding out on looking up SMH for a while now. How is that any different from “…” ?

      • Don’t feel so bad, I ate acid for the first time when I was 12. Now that’s a shake-my-head statement.

  5. I’ve always said that I learned a lot about drugs from the anti-drug programs they made us attend as a kid. I figure I’m about 2 years or so younger from you – you have any memory of those? the 80s/early 90s were huge “Just Say No” days.

  6. that was Truly amazing. one of my fav things is a self portrait i drew at age 3.5 in a book called I Hate My Brother Harry and my pic has some fucked up teeth and pierced ears lol

  7. Well…As your mother, I would say it was the company you kept. That naughty little ____ and his friend_________. That you turned out to be such a nice dude is a miracle! Mom

  8. Haha! This is such a funny thread! Great idea block! Dihigrate Kate will be in my nightmares for the next few days for sure. They’re a bit like Daniel Johnston cartoons, I might have to print one of these out to go next to a “Hi, How Are You” frog.

  9. Cocaine Dwayne and Jack Lemon are just fucking amazing. I have no drawing or art skills and am not into graffiti but I want to tag/stencil/sticker Jack Lemon EVERYWHERE

  10. I have an extensive Garbage Pail Kid collection – almost every one made, mint condition, full series sets, posters, uncut sheets of cards, etc. You know, nostalgia and all that. They actually started making them again around 03.

  11. Your artwork is weirdly awesome. I foresee Jack Lemon fan art appearing in random places in the world. Also, your music has influenced me quite a bit, so don’t be too shocked if your drawings did the same…

    And try not to sue me, please. 🙂

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