Poll: Men and shorts, what’s a bro to do?

I think it’s safe to say that , when it comes to fashion, men have it pretty easy. Sure, there are those guys out there who go to great lengths to gussy themselves up and look like masculine porcelain dolls but, for most of us, jeans, t-shirts and sneakers do the trick. Ladies, on the other hand, put themselves through hell to look nice. High heels, tight fitting clothing and all sorts of illuminati-based secret under garments that are worn to make everything look how it’s supposed to. However, there is one (sort of) equalizer: Hot weather. During the summer (or if you live in a warm area, year round) men are faced with the unfortunate choice of what to wear as pants. When the temperature starts hitting in the 80’s (or low 60’s if you’re one of “those” white dudes) it becomes shorts weather. That’s fine and dandy but , bro’s, did you know that women hate your shorts? Cause they do.

In general, most men choose comfort over style and it’s totally okay. But this isn’t one of those times. While most girls might get moist for a dude in a nice suit, those same girls aren’t gonna turn down a guy in decent jeans with nice sneakers. However, shorts are vagina dryers. It’s the one time our quest for comfort and simplicity does not work well with the ladies (well, I’m excluding wearing flip flops but if you’re a man wearing flip flops off of a beach, just stop it…seriously…fucking stop it). For instance, it’s hot as fuck in NYC right now. I know that if I go out , at night, wearing shorts to a bar, I’m pretty much giving up on the idea of being attractive to any girl over the age of 16. This is fine as I’m spoken for but it’s more a state of mind of “well…fuck it”. Meanwhile, girls thrive in comfort during the summer. Shorts, chucks, tiny shirts that aren’t tight but barely cover anything. All that shit. The good thing is, we men love that. Walking around the city during the summer, a dude might as well wear blinders on his dick just so he can get anywhere without being constantly side tracked by hot, dressed down and partially naked women. but us dudes? No one is clocking the guy in shorts. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it dad-ifies all men? are out calves really that gross? I honestly don’t know. Personally, I think it makes all men look like children. Keep in mind, I wear shorts all summer, but I recognize this is not the move for any dude trying to maintain any level of attractiveness towards the opposite sex.
So, in a quest to understand both the guys and girls side of this, I decided to do two polls about. Perhaps, these polls will steer men in the right direction to where we can find a happy meeting spot. A type of shorts that men can feel proud to wear and that women can tolerate enough to let us have sex with them.
So, here are two polls. One for the bro’s and one for the hoes. For the sake of honesty, please refrain from answering the poll that’s not aimed at you. I’m doing my public service here.
Now, before we get into this, let me just clarify exactly what kind of shorts I’m talking about with the help of pictures. Here are all the types of shorts I can think of. I’m sure I’m missing some but, hey, I’m only human. consider this your glossary.
Cargo shorts:

Army shorts:

Dockers shorts:

Dickies/Carhardt shorts:

Basketball shorts:

Swimming trunks:


Long pants/shorts:


Jean shorts:

Cut off jean shorts:

First off FOR MEN ONLY:


The truth shall set us free…

65 thoughts on “Poll: Men and shorts, what’s a bro to do?

  1. Lol at including umbros. I wear basketball shorts most but if I’m trying to look decent I’ll wear dickies style shorts

  2. I don’t really care too much about men’s fashion (however, cut-offs are always a no-no), but I do enjoy it when my man wears basketball shorts. Mainly because he has an amazing ass and package, and the shorts hug the right spots lol.

  3. Finally someone understands me! No comapny makes shorts that aren’t cargo shorts anymore. If I do find some they are way too long. Fuck buying shorts. My go to style is ala mid 90’s gangster, cut off khacki’s.

  4. “I don’t care, I’d fuck a dude in shorts” currently at 28% holla

    I think it’s ironic you did a blog about men’s fashion on the day Wiz’s album cover comes out…planned?

  5. I hate to say it, but H&M (ugh) makes cheap plain canvas shorts. Not cargo. Not denim. Not ultra preppy. Just plain boring shorts. They’re cheap and perfect. I couldn’t do anything else. I’m a dude, by the way.

  6. Any type of jean, cut off, or swishy material is an automatic turn-off. also anything that looks like it belongs with a catholic school uniform belongs only on a catholic school boy (dickies and dockers, cough cough.) Finally, I hate this salmon shorts craze and wearing pastels. Super bro.

  7. Bf got the idea to take (thrifted) dress pants and cut them off at the knee area then hem (he’s kind of handy but it’s really not hard) them, so the shorts are a nice cut like pants but not as hot. He sticks to basics like grays and pinstripes and they are pretty unobtrusive, aesthetically speaking. He actually get compliments on them too, from guys and girls. Since he wears them with t-shirts and sneakers he stays away from the Angus Young look.
    Oh and cargo pants/shorts are the devil.

  8. There are companies that make shorts like Dickies and Carhartts that I prefer to Dickies but I’ve never worn Carhartt shorts. They tend to fit me better, aren’t as stiff, and hold up the same. They’re basically knock-offs of Dickies that aren’t lower quality, in my opinion at least. For instance: Fox and Blue Crown. Reasonably past the knee with dickies/carhartts style shorts, cargo, army or basketball shorts; otherwise you’re in danger of looking like something out of Boogie Nights type Rolla-A-Rink or Huckleberry Finn.

    For the record, if you live in Phoenix or somewhere similar and you don’t wear flip flops at certain times of the year then you’re a fucking moron. Also, I used to live there and now I just don’t feel right wearing shoes with shorts. Shit is mad uncomfortable, socks and heat is just some nasty feeling shit. Block’s male foot fetish is just exposed with flip flops. Sorry dude, not our fault manly feet make you swoon.

      • I don’t think it’s so much a fetish as it is a cultural thing. I mean, if you don’t like feet in general, like I do, you would feel a sort of aversion to women’s feet too. Heels are always hot, just don’t expose your toes too much. And mind you, Blockhead represents NYC, there’s nothing nastier than toes sticking out of a flip flop or loose fitting high heels on the subway, yiak!.

        My problem with flip flops is: How can you wear flip flops and be a human person? I would feel seriously under-civilized if I had to interact with anyone wearing flip flops, as I tend to not take seriously anyone who walks up to me with flip flops and expects a conversation that does not include directions to the Empire State. I mean… dude… your feet are showing, this isn’t Africa!

  9. i never got the logic for shitting on flip-flops, unless it was in the confines of a jesus joke. Shit is comfortable, like basketball shorts and a t-shirt (which i pretty much live in, unless i’m working, during the summer). Seems crazy to try and fuck with sweaty ass socks and shoes when i can just let that shit breath like i do my legs and arms and just throw on some cheap flip-flops. I’ve definitely seen some turds wearing sandals, but they were turds no matter what was on their feet. Seriously, what am i missing?

      • Men’s flip flops are like a size 22 thong, “Just because they make them doeasn’t mean you should purchase and feature them.

      • You shouldn’t hate on flip flips. Sure there are some awful styles like the fila flip flop an Birkenstock sucks ass. But if you got a nice broken in pair of plain good ole flips. They are ur best friend in the summer. I live in southern Cali I am not a surfer and am not at the beach every weekend but shots and flips can be worn almost year round. I agree with previous post regarding socks and sneakers with shorts if I do wear sneakers I usually rock the ankle socks as high cotton white socks look like garbage

      • Sorry dude, I hate flip flops and there is no argument for them that will sway me. I’m gonna write a piece about it in the near future to fully explain my point so I don’t wanna get into it too deeply here.

  10. I chose the long pant thingy’s but I think your right in saying it’s the “length” that matters. Mad props for including jams! Although rare, you will see the 1973 wanna be basketball shorts that always have the potential for at least one “ball” to make an appearance. This is only acceptable in predisposed situations of extreme jocularity. Ultimately I have to say “If your tryin’ to get laid, don’t be such a pussy and man up and wear pants for fuck sakes before it’s too late and you end up a no pussy gettin’ bitch” Just sayin’

  11. When it comes down to it, I’ll rather improve many other things before having to go sweaty legs in order to impress our lovely counterparts. I mean, if you’ve got the rest of your outfit in order and they still dry up over these well ventilated crotch-hiders, they’re not for me. But hey, I’m from Denmark, we only get to wear shorts like 2, maybe 3 months at a time, so maybe the women here are less bitchy about legwear, frankly I have no idea.

  12. Capris/long pants are bullshit. Living in between Camden and Philly, I’ve seen my fair share of these fake ass gangsta tough guys rocking these capris. No doubt some of them have had a hard time in their neighborhood, but I can’t take anyone seriously in those pants. I wouldn’t give a fuck if he had a gun in my face. I’d still knock the “pants that are 3 inches away from being real pants”. There is just no function or fashion to them. I try not to get wrapped up in men’s fashion either because it’s just a matter of taste. I wear what I like and don’t really chastise others for their fashion choices, simply because I don’t care enough to do so. But there are a few things that irk me. Basketball shorts in public. I’m sorry, but we don’t wear baggy ass basketball shorts out to lunch. Unless you are actually working out or playing a sport, throw some normal shorts on…it really isn’t that daunting of a task. Ed Hardy…..fuck Ed Hardy. His entire brand is the epitome of guido trash and I tend to avoid people who genuinely enjoy his clothing. Coming from Jersey, I have an especially passionate hatred for these “jersey shore” types. Most of them are from rich Italian families in North Jersey or right on the edge of the border in New York. Some of them aren’t even Italian, but act like it. They make Jersey look like shit, and their personalities are about as deep as a puddle. I’m not one to be pretentious and make fun of people for their tastes, but guidos are different. It’s like every aspect of their culture is based on bad taste: Weird, loud clothing that looks like a cheesy tattoo design. Weak beer like Miller Lite or Natty Ice. Absolutely garbage music, too. DJ Pauly D is trash. I spent a good week and half down at Seaside while they were filming season 3 of “Jersey Shore”, so I’m not not just talking out of my ass here. The clubs were full of the most fake people I’ve ever seen in my life. It was almost like a wax museum of tan mutants. But I still had my fun, I found my “crowd” (mostly the boardwalk employees and endless number of hot Russian girls working there for the summer). Ok I’m going to shut the hell up now because this was supposed to be about shorts and it turned int a rant about the jersey shore cast.

  13. 10% preppy dockers for women, nicely done! Am I the only one who gets turned on by preppy-ness? Either way, dockers abide to the “the shorter the merrier” rule!

    I always considered women exchanging comfort for fashion and men exchanging their comfort to look formal. Isn’t that so for most people? I mean if you’re a flip flops dude fine, it’s clear you don’t give a crap, or if you live in Santa Monica, whatever! But at least for very urban settings that I’m used to, when you choose what to wear based on who you’re going to meet you’re mostly weighing the extent to which you’d like to out-class them. Now if you’re driving to the local movie theater with your best bud sure, wear ur PJ shorts, no one will bat an eye.

    So do you guys believe you can look formal with any type of shorts? Dockers maybe, with certain types of footwear?

  14. Shorts seem childish to me. I try to avoid them, but when it’s over 80 degrees out jeans are too much. I keep them at or just above the knee. Nothing too baggy, no bulging pockets on the cargos, no dangling draw strings on the legs–this ain’t college, bro. I’d say Dickies are the most acceptable–perhaps a bit long. Jean shorts are never acceptable (exception: you’re visiting the future from the early nineties).

  15. I live on an island in the Gulf, it was 80 here in December, I own one pair of long pants, shit just isn’t viable. And I think I get a pass on the flip-flops, since I’m never more than two miles from the open ocean.

  16. I have to believe this is a cultural thing, varying wildly even within the United States. I’ve never heard of wearing shorts being a problem before I stumbled upon this article. I live in the midwest, in a non-urban environment, so I don’t know if that makes a difference. For the folks in my region, it’s relatively simple, it gets very hot in the summer, so we wear clothes that provide comfort. It’s completely foreign to be met with the idea that some people actually feel they must choose between wearing shorts and attracting women. Shorts are as normal here as jeans, t-shirts, collared shirts, sweaters, hoodies, shoes, and dress shirts.

    I’m similarly flummoxed by the suggestion that no male should ever wear flip-flops. Once again, I believe this may have to do with where one lives. To be completely honest, it has never crossed my mind to think twice about the men I see wearing sandals or flip-flops. To me, it’s as simple as: it’s very hot, it’s summer, shoes and socks in hot weather can get very nasty, very fast and lead to discomfort, sweat, and smell. Open-toed shoes help alleviate those issues.

    On a personal level, playing basketball in shoes and socks for a couple of hours is just about enough for me. Before or after that I welcome the idea of not having to rock sweat boxes on my feet. I understand some folks are grossed out by feet, but I also understand people are grossed out by a lot of things: flabby underarms, double chins, armpits, fingernails, etc. I respect people’s feelings in that regard, but I cannot live my life actively attempting to please the individual visual desires of all the male (or female) strangers I may pass on a day to day basis. Surely there are limits, which is why we all wear pants and a shirt to begin with, I just do not believe exposing one’s feet surpasses those limits.

    Some may argue flip-flops are easy to put on and therefore promote the idea the wearer is lazy. I would disagree in this regard just as well. T-shirts are easy to put on. Ditto polo shirts and anything not requiring repeated buttoning. I don’t think flip-flops say anything more about someone than you want them to say. And at that point, people will be judged negatively about anything they choose to wear.

    I’m wondering if this debate not only has inner-continental cultural implications, but also lifestyle implications. For instance, I do not live a club life. On a list of things I do for social activity, hitting up a club is quite low on the radar. Perhaps that locale, and the people inside, holds a different mindset in terms of what sort of clothing is expected and what sort of clothing will attract a member of the opposite sex. I’ve successfully wooed attractive, intelligent women in shorts and flip-flops. Similarly, I’ve failed miserably trying to win over many other attractive women just as well, and it had absolutely nothing to do with my shorts and flip-flops.

    The shorts/flip-flops combo is just accepted here. I’m certain there’s pockets of folks in my region who object, but no differently than people who feel sleeveless shirts or tank tops should never be worn in public by members of either sex. Shorts are flat out normal attire. I wouldn’t include flip-flops in the same normal category as jeans, shorts, and shirts, but I do not object to anyone who opts to wear them in summertime months.

    • Wearing shorts isn’t a problem. It’s a reality. You can’t NOT wear shorts when it’s hot out unless you’re one of those weird people who have issues with their legs. The point of this whole thing is to find a style of shorts that girls find acceptable. Turns out a good % don’t care but , a decent percentage will tell you otherwise.

    • Being originally from a Midwest non urban environment, I feel compelled to inform you that the “quality” ladies round my parts do in fact care about mens fashion choices. I have always found it a popular mistake that people are just more laid back in the mid west and it’s all cool like that but contrary to popular belief it is as much an issue as anywhere else. There are just less men due to smaller population so there is a lack of competition experienced compared men in more urban settings. When there might be 2 hot girls to contend for in a small town, guys are more relaxed and able to just say “fuck it” and wear whats comfortable. The woman in small towns have grown more tolerant of fashion f-paws due to the lack of choices in men so it might seem that they are laid back and don’t care, but believe me my friend when I say they do care.. When there are only 1 or 2 hot guys to choose from his clothing falls to the back burner.
      Transport said hot girls to the big city and that same laid back style will
      immediatly become less tolorated.

      • I feel like there has been a huge misunderstanding across this whole thing. Just to be clear:
        I’m just not blind to the fact that, as women go in general , they don’t love shorts. That’s all. That’s it. The purpose of this whole thing is to help lead dudes in the right direction and perhaps shed some light on the issues men face when choosing summer wear.

      • Yes men should be able to wear shorts. I love my man no matter what he wears but I would prefer if he had on some dickies that have been cut to the right length himself! Ultimately I wouldn’t love him any less if he wore really tight skids with his balls hanging out!

  17. I try not to wear shorts unless it is totally necessary, but considering I just moved from 45 south of Canada to Texas, I don’t really have a choice. Dudes, stop it with the cargo shorts. If you stop buying them, they will have to stop making them. The fact that they still sell fucking camo… are you headed to the warped tour? Cut that shit the fuck out.

  18. How about if you’re a hardcore cyclist and your legs are incredibly toned, muscular, and have a real nice tan (but aren’t shaved…)? In all seriousness, I’m not interested in any girl who is shallow enough to not be attracted to a dude who wears decently stylish shorts on a warm day.

  19. Hating discomfort and excessive heat in my crotch, I’ve asked myself this many times, and I’ve noticed that the code is local; it ain’t the same if you are in Paris or London that Stateside; and I figure that the design of the short should fit the occasion (city/country; sport/chillin’/socializing); however, I reckon the most important thing is to lose the damned socks… and then wear shoes that fit the shorts… If the issue is the ladies’ approval in hot days, one can opt for linen or superthin cotton pants that are comfy and fit nicely. What I just don’t get, is how dudes can keep on wearing jeans when it’s about 80 degrees. Rather gross, actually…

  20. I’m probably gonna come off as an annoying young dick.. but what the hell!

    I think that there are 2 dimensions to a question like this. An America/Europe-dimension. And an age-dimension. cause the cut off jean shorts folded up are by far the most common short for guys in the age group 15-30 in Northern Europe or at least Denmark.
    Generally everyone in this category would wear different types of shorts but they always end above the knee or get folded up to end there. And I would never (or at least for the next couple of years) wear shorts that end below the knee. And it really seems to me that you a looked down upon style wise if you’re wearing shorts that go below the knee.

    But on the other hand I don’t know if I really wanna see a guy in his mid 30s or older, wear shorts that end higher than mid knee.
    I this case I think I’d go for the the dickies but the also really have a I’m in my mid 30s, pretty sloppy on a straight route to fat ‘n forty. And by the you really should be wearing the dockers typed or just stop wearing shorts for good.

    But it also seems that the above-the-knee type of fashion might not be as common in the States… without really knowing that much about it.

    But really most of those depicted shorts are horrible to look at. I mean long knicker-ish shorts are one of the ugliest pieces of clothing I could come up with (well at least inside of some “clothing you see on a regular”-category) especially combined with flip flops. It’s definitely in my top 5 loser clothing pieces. Basketball shorts can be great, but look at the fucking size of those Jay are wearing. It’s ridiculous! And those freaking long ass straight as hell jean shorts with that horrible fit.
    Army shorts can be great but those really long cargo ones with those horrible strings at the bottom… And checkered shorts are really a bro type of clothing.
    And non-folded up jean shorts!!! Are you fucking “nevernude” David Cross in Arrested Development??
    And when a pair of cargo shorts are among my top 5 picks in anything somethings not right…

    To comment on the whole flip flop discussion: they’re only allowed to be worn in a very close radius to a beach that you’re either going to, staying at or leaving. But still if the distance is further than a 5 minute walk wear a couple of fucking shoes.
    And don’t wear sandals (mandals?) motherfucker.

    and please don’t put too much into all of this.

    • oh! and dudes who don’t wear shorts at all are freaking weird on some wtf is up with your legs you’re sweating like a hooker in church-shit.
      unless you’re old and/or fat that is

  21. I can’t believe everybody hates cargo shorts so much. Maybe its just the fact I live in WIsconsin and we have no style, but in the summer cargo shorts are the go to. A typical day for me might include trail biking, skating, swimming, basketball and a bunch of other boring midwest bullshit, and cargo’s are really the only short that you can pull that off in. To me, A pair of cargos teamed with a nice t-shirt and a pair of low top adidas shoes make a really nice outfit. I have to say though, I do wear a lot of lighter fabric pants in the summer, like slacks or navy pants. Realistically if I go somewhere where I know I might meet women and its hot out, I’m probably gunna wear shorts, because in the midwest, if women have to choose between style/class and balls that arent sweaty, they’re gunna take fresh balls nine times out of ten.

    • I think it’s safe to say that standards that women hold for the men they allow inside them vary from city to city and state to state. You are not getting pussy at a bar in nyc in cargo shorts. EVER. I don’t even hate cargo shorts. I just know that every girl I know does.

      • Word, I guess we in the midwest get to enjoy the benefits of being surrounded by sub par and unscrupulous women.

  22. I agree, seeing a dude in shorts definitely takes the fuckability factor down a couple notches. I dunno what it is, but shorts on dudes just look mad corny. Luckily I live in Canada and short season is pretty ‘short’ lived. Dickies shorts are definitely the most bearable. It’s all in how you dress your shorts though. If you wear flip flops outside of the beach you may as well start finding other useful things to do with your dick, because pussy will dry up completely just from the sound of you flip-flopping down the sidewalk.

  23. funny shit.. i’m from moscow and agree with terms of wearing shorts only, if it’s a need cause of high hot. and sandals only, if it’s a village or beach, some ppl even use em in my office, maybe to keep foots dry. that’s hella terrible for everybody.
    i wear this shit http://www.bensherman.com/trousers-and-shorts/shorts/ec1-chino-shorts-heavily-worn-regular-fit-9.html
    it’s a bit longer on me than on this pet mf, my gal like it more than i do, don’t care too much
    what’s on mind about types
    cargo – for rednecks
    army – for rednecks
    dockers – for rednecks, who think they are stylish citizens and gotta do an artsy ‘look’ for instagram
    jams – i dunno here no one wears it, even tajikistan emigrants. but if this http://slimages.macys.com/is/image/MCY/products/6/optimized/872046_fpx.tif
    counts here, obvious, for em
    long – looks like humanitarian help from china
    umbro – for rednecks who seek only in sport shops. yes we got those
    jeans/cutted – …… only for painting works
    basketball – for basketball
    swimming – for swimming
    me too for cahart type ish, the one acceptable. but this, as other clothing, is mostly about quality of material and cutting, aint easy to find decent

  24. Can’t believe that there are so many comments for this….I met my wife wearing cargo shorts and she is pretty damn hot if I must say so myself. I feel bad for you guys chasing these stuck up bitches…i got a hole In my shorts pocket a month ago(keys falling through and shit) and she sewed that shit right up…you can never take my shorts away!!!!

  25. I can’t believe a post about shorts gets so much attention. That’s minimal, and feminine like sandals.

    The sound of flip flops makes me cringe. Nobody should wear them regardless of sex, unless AT the beach. And people’s knees are a huge turnoff. People should cover up their knees if they’re going to be walking around everywhere.

    • I wear flip flops. Yet, I live in he rolling foothills of North Carolina. It’s basically just a tempory barrier between my feet and questionable surfaces when I’m NOT going barefoot. I live a chill life. My wife always makes fun of dudes in above the knee shorts. The only times I wear sneakers is some time in late oct., around the same time a bust out the hoodies. Fuck y’all.

  26. Fact: when you have the body of a Greek god, and you talk and act like a southern gentleman, you can damn near remove the “what to wear” issue all together. Shorts, no shorts, clown shorts; doesnt matter. You will not lack in the “getting ass” department.

      • Well, here’s the thing; if you worry about what dudes think about you in your flip flops, and you wear shoes and socks all day in this Memphis heat, then what are you gonna say to the hottie you’re trying to bag when the shoes come off and she sees all those nasty sweat bumps on your feet?

      • I’ve been all over america in the hottest heat and not once I have ever been like “ughh, I’m so hot right now..if only I was in flip flops!”. Man up and cover your disgusting feet. If you wear socks, swamp foot is not an issue.

  27. My Shorts Rules:
    1. Basketball shorts on default (black)
    2. If you have to look decent where plain khaki shorts.
    3. No superfluous pockets
    4. Knee length minimum
    5. Mid-shin maximum
    6. No flip-flops
    7. Wear with humble confidence!

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