Answers for questions vol. 98



Sup sup. I just got back from a electronic music festival and ,boy, are my arms tired…from waving glow sticks. Just kidding. I don’t touch glow sticks.
Anyway, as always, I need you. Ask me questions…get nutty with it. leave them in the comments below or send them to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com Don’t be shy. Worse case scenario, I just ignore it cause it’s a bad/rehashed question. No big deal.
Okay, let’s see what the mail bag got this week…

I have a question for you (but it has a bit of a story with it). The question is “What’s behind the bed?” Here’s the back-story: Me and my buddy, Chris, drove from detroit to NYC for that Open Mike/ Billy Woods/ Nasa/ Willie Green/ PremRock/ Mega Ran show @ the cameo lounge (you were there too ; ). The show was AMAZING and every bit worth it! Everything was planned last minute and i ended up with a dirt cheap hotel in Red Hook, Brooklyn (right by the Ports). It looked nice, in the daytime. But when we got back after the show, we realized it was a lil ghetto. Outside of our hotel, there was a grade A crackhead (sells & smokes it) who for whatever reason liked me n my buddy. The first night we blew him off rather quickly. The 2nd night, there was no chance of that. Basically we tried to get into the hotel for an hour, but didnt want this fuckin guy anywhere near our room. So we were stuck hangin out with him while he was waiting on a hooker.
At some point, this guy invited us to his room. We reluctantly accepted. As we entered, there was 20 sticks of insence burning, bags of crack on the desk, about 15-20 thousand dollars laying around, a shit-stained towel on the bed and a whole world of pure fuckery (he was LIVING in this hotel). He only had 1 rule: he stayed on one side of the room, we stayed on the other; we couldn’t cross the line. he was definately hiding SOMETHING on the other side of the bed. This guy smoke $50 worth of crack in one hit, right before our eyes. He was ordering prostitutes to the hotel (that poor Asian girl looked so cute until i realized where she was going. . .), flashing STACKS of 5k+, while showing us that he had TONS of hardcore drugs. Yet, we were not allowed to see this area behind his bed. So my question to you, good sir, is WHAT is behind the bed?
A) Dead asian hookers B) The world’s largest crack rock C) Piles of Money D) Guns E) Piles of shit-stained towels F) Combo of any of the above G) Absolutely Nothing or H) whatever YOUR creative mind can come up with
PS- This is a 100% true story and next time i visit New York, IM STAYIN ON YOUR COUCH! LOL

So much wrong with that story. First off, a crackhead who sells crack? That’s like rules #1 of dealing drugs. Don’t get high on your own supply. You sure he just wasn’t a pimp/crack dealer with poor hygiene? Or just a crackhead with the keys to the right hotel room?
Secondly, he liked you and your buddy cause he was, on some level, trying to game you guys. I don’t know what his plan was there’s no way he was just like “I like these guys! i wanna hang out with them and allow them into my horrific world where there are drugs and hookers everywhere”. I know that these types can be relentless in their pursuit of what they want but how on earth did you actually end up going back to his hotel room with him? Did he offer you guys something you wanted? As a person who’s been approached by weird people my entire life and propositioned to do weird things (growing up in the west village will do that) , I know that when an obviously unstable/high/crazy/dangerous person propositions you to do ANYTHING, you don’t do it. You just politely weasel your way out of the situation…or just tell them to fuck off and bounce (depending on how threatening/imposing that person is). I’d be curious to hear what his pitch was to get you guys into the hotel room…and also, what happened after you were there. I feel like there’s so much more to this story than just these little details. Also, I’d like to clarify, I totally believe this all happened (didn’t want it to come across like I’m doubting any of this) but I just wanna know the whole story. Basically, I think he lured you guys back to his hotel with promises of fucking some asian hooker and you guys drunkly accepted. No shame in your game, if that’s the case. If you boned the hooker, it’s all good. I just wanna know for sure cause going to a hotel room with a crackhead pimp would be a mighty hard sell to anyone who values their life whatsoever.
oh and as for what was behind the bed? Guns. Obviously. Come on…you know that.

Probably not the most exciting question but going with the “deaf” question from earlier…I hurt my ear at a show, was partially deaf for almost a month after. Luckily, my ear fully recovered, almost…but my ear was ringing constantly for almost a year after and to some extent to this day(almost 5 years later), I can’t wear head phones, especially ear buds because it fucks my ear up and I don’t want to have that feeling ever again. If i wear ear plugs to a show I am totally fine after, but it truly sucks and I am kind of fucked for life. On the plus side, I read way more than I ever did since I can no longer zone out on the train listening to music with headphones on(clubs and loud stereos don’t bother me though). That being said, I’ve noticed that some artists still don’t wear ear plugs. I saw El-p recently and I am pretty sure he had none, and the show was really fucking loud, even for my friends without my issue(they weren’t wearing ear plugs). Do you wear ear plugs at shows or when you play live? How many people do you know who’s hearing is fucked from playing live on not wearing ear plugs?

This is definitely an issue for many musicians. I personally don’t wear ear plugs on stage but what we hear on stage and what you guys hear out in the audience is very different.
You guys have shit blasting at full volume and we’re just hearing the back of those speakers and the monitors. The monitors usually are set during soundcheck and , hopefully, are not too loud. When I go to shows to hear music, I usually put napkins in my ears. I honestly don’t understand why music has to be played THAT loud. It’s a similar concept to me as people who want to eat the hottest hot sauce. At some point loudness and spice go to far, past the point of enjoyable and into the realm of painful. I’ve been to shows where there is simply no way people are enjoying the music at that blistering volume.
I’ve done my fair share of shows where there was no sound check and I just hopped on stage , plugged in and went in. A few of those were brutal cause I guess whoever did soundcheck was a fan of blasting their monitors to a point of me nearly passing out on stage. Like literally i felt ill. That’s no fun.
As for people i know with fucked up hearing, we all complain about it but the ones who actually have damage are usually the ones who blast their own music too loud when making it at home. I don’t have the problem but I know some people can’t make their music without it blasting at full volume.

Female Olympic sports: Are any worth watching from a perverted male’s perspective? Volleyball (beach or reggo’s), tennis (women bending over in skirts), gymnastics (probably a bit creepy since each girl looks 12), swimming (would be much better if in bikini’s or str8 nude), Basketball (your favorite sport, but the women are Amazonian), or anything else that i didn’t mention. . . Should i even pay attention to any, or just wait 2 years for women’s curling to come back?

I mean, there are some sports that have some good things going on.
Women’s beach volleyball had some dope bodies. Spain’s team had ass for days.
I found the swimmers to all look like dudes with a slight case of downs syndrome. Maybe it’s the swimming caps they wear. They also all seemed to have man shoulders and flat chests. Again, it could be the outfits but that shit was not pleasing to the eye.
Tennis, as always, has some hot girls.
Gymnastics is some pedophile shit to watch with any sort of sexual arousal in mind. those girls not only look 12 but they are mostly like 15 , right? gross.
I was told the woman’s field hockey had the hottest girls but who wants to watch that boring shit.
The track and field girls have amazing asses but a lot of them have arms like buff men so it’s kinda hard to really get into them. Basically, the olympics are not a titty friendly environment.
But, to answer your questions, I really didn’t watch any of these events from a pervy perspective cause there’s this thing called porn that exists. If I want to watch something for that purpose I’ll skip over the blood sweat and tears of competitive sports and watch the blood sweat and tears of professional porn.

Imagine you have to beat up either your current girlfriend OR your mother, who would you choose and why? If you refuse, your whole apartment would burn to ashes(with your precious laptop and other equipment) . Btw, you have to beat her REALLY bad up, with maybe a broken bone or two. Of course she can sue you afterwards if she want.

Okay, I’m getting a little tired of these impossible questions that put me in these situations where I’m forced to do something unspeakable to someone I love. What is this, “Saw 6”? I would never beat up either of those people in a millions years. I mean, obviously,if this were a real situation I’d sooner beat up my girl simply because she’s younger and would heal quicker (and she didn’t give birth to me) but fuck this question.

So, recently, and by recently I mean last week, I bought myself an MPC2000xl on ebay. It’s in pretty good condition and shit, but it’s old. Anyways, what type of sampler was used on Music By Cavelight? and also, got any tips on what’s okay to sample and what’s not? I mean, I have a shit ton of records, a rather large amount of VHS tapes and movies, and a cassette player. I’m not looking to scratch, since it’s just a poor record player. Also, sampling the movie “Rain Man”, yey or ney?

I use an ASR-10. I’ve used it since 1995 and still have the same one right now. So, i’ve used it on all my albums.
As for sample sources, use whatever you want. You’re just starting so there’s no point in limiting yourself now as you learn what you’re doing. If this hobby becomes something bigger than you can start worrying about sample clearance but, for now, just think of what you’re doing as the minor leagues. You’re finding your sound and honing your craft. At this point, you need experience in making music. Whatever source material inspires that, do it. Just don’t try and sell it when you’re done. Partially cause you put yourself at risk but also because , if you’re just starting out, you’re music is most likely not ready for public consumption anyway.

Would you rather fuck Marilyn Manson or be Charlie Manson?

I’d rather be dead than either but I suppose being charlie would be better than being inside Marilyn. Both involve a jail of some sort. One literal, one figurative.

Do you like watching the Olympics? If so, what are your favorite sports to watch in winter/summer?

Since the olympics just ended I might as well get both these questions out of the way.
I sort of enjoy the olympics. It’s something I can turn on and there will be a 50% chance that something I’m willing to watch will be on. However, I also don’t really give a shit. Like if I had missed it entirely , I’d be fine with that. I’m not a particularly patriotic person and that angle of the olympics doesn’t interest me. The basketball is the only sport I actually give a shit about and it wasn’t THAT exciting.
But, if it’s on, I’ll watch most of the track a field stuff, the diving, volleyball, ping pong and gymnastics…and that’s about it. I watched some badminton and that shit was pretty interesting.
I think my biggest gripe about the olympics is how they programmed it. Like they’d have fucking men’s water polo on (which, by the way, is the dumbest sport known to mankind) while not showing something else way more interesting. I’d have to go to channel 5 billion to even watch a Team USA basketball game that wasn’t the finals. MEanwhile, they’re running Lithuania vs. Cambodia preliminary matches of water polo on NBC like anyone gives a shit.
I’d say I prefer the summer olympics cause I care less about sports that happen in snow. I’m just not that guy. I’m not EXTREME on any level. I like good old fashioned team sports. Sue me.

Where do you see yourself in 15 years?
Well, I’ll be 50. So, I’d imagine there will be kids involved…a wife. Music? I honestly don’t know. I sure as hell won’t wanna be touring still but I’d like to think I’ll be making music in some form still. Honestly, I’m sort of rooting for the world to end before I even get there anyway.

14 thoughts on “Answers for questions vol. 98

  1. I’m a huge fan of both yours and Aesop’s work. “Float” is hands down one of my favorite albums of all time and “Music By Cavelight” is an incredible piece of work. With that being said, are you and Aesop still up for working together on future tracks albums? And if not, what was your favorite track that you and and Aes collaborated on?

  2. Couple questions.

    I was reading over your previous a for q & dr.tony stuff and you wrote something about that it’s not that good of an idea to go to Hip Hop shows with girls. Is it because the male gaze factor? Female intricacies in a male dominated environment?

    There seems to be a growing sentiment among a growing portion of females nowadays that “men are the new women”. What’s your take on this?

  3. yeah, there’s definately a lot more to the crackhead story. . . I wanted to write out the whole story, i even opened a tumblr account to post it, but i’m a lazy fuck so it may be another week before that comes. Dude told us his version of his life story, he was Italian, with self-said mafia fam, but they disowned him once he started doin the crack. I really dont know where his money came from, but he had a lot. Part of the reason why we went back to the room with him. My buddy didnt have a dime to his name (i was payin his vacation way) and he does have a dark past. The second day, before the hooker, he kept plotting out stabbin this guy with a skewer (not the best weapon of choice when going up against a crackhead), robbin him of his crack money and headin to another hotel after the deed was done. I didnt like the idea, but ten thousand dollars would probably persuade me to go along with if it actually went down. I think this guy wanted to rob us too tho.
    The first night we were there, like i said we blew him off. My buddy may have said something dumb in front of the guy, “We on a mission” (to us we wanted food, that was our mission. To him we was lookin for crack or somethin that this guy could sell us). I drink, we both smoke a lil tree, my buddy likes pillz ( i hate em) either way we didnt want anything from this guy. But he did help us find a cab to the only open diner in the neighborhood, but wanted a grilled cheese sammich (with a pickle). My big mistake was to give my phone number in case we got lost. He called me on the cab ride 6 times to tell me he wanted 2 grilled cheese, then back to one, back to 2 then up to 5 ( “don’t fahget the pickle”, he said each time) right before our food came. We got him 2 and he got all pissy about the other 3, so i threw the bag on the ground chucked his 2 sammiches at him (i did not see the pickle at the bottom of the bag til next morning) and we went to our room. This was our fist night, we only slept a combined hour between the 2 of us in the past 48. We were tired and hoped that we wouldnt see this fuck again. . .
    That’s what sparked the second encounter at 330 am the next day. After he called me at 546am, 630am, 1014am, 1130am, noon30, 145pm and 530pm, all of which i ignored, we knew that we were gonna have to deal with this guy eventually. At this point he didnt know our room number or see our rental car (good, right?). But after seeing him outside while we circled our hotel 5 times, we kinda figured there was no way around not giving up our car info. And to clarify, he really didnt like me after the whole grilled cheese incident, but he had a man crush on my buddy, Chris ( Chris could relate to this kind of fuck more than i cuz chris used to be a kind of walter white of crack back in his darker past. I can re-assure you that we DIDN”T want crack. But Chris has an odd fasination with these types). So when we parked our car in front of the hotel, he saw us and told his boy (our hotel security dude) something about us, which we half-assed heard as we were getting out. For the record, i didnt want to be anywhere near the guy, but more than that, i didnt want this guy anywhere near our stuff. So, instead of havin the crackhead following us to our room, we chilled for a sec and tried to clarify the sammich beef (or cheese). Next thing you know he is frisking Chris and talkin about how he wants to go to Atlantic City with the 2 of us. Go fig.
    The hooker was our out. We knew she was on her way, and when she got there, we woulda had a painless out. We didnt know that she was gonna take 2 hours to get there. I actually left Chris in the room with this dude twice. The first time was quick. the 2nd time, i actually walked out right as the prostitute was getting off the elevator (Yes, i woulda fucked the prostitute out of her, as long as i went first! She seemed very sweet and was hot as hell, especially cuz i didnt know that she was the hooker at first) and Chris was now trapped in the room with a crackhead AND a hooker while i took my sweet-ass time hoping that he would just escape without needing me to rescue him. He wasnt getting out easy and i made it back up. I came into the room ( not into the prostitute), thankfully she was in the shower and not getting blown out by crackhead dick. He started fuckin with me right away ( even offered me the girl, so yeah, maybe a pimp too), but i kinda just stood by the door hoping to just grab chris and leave so we could just get some sleep to actually enjoy our last day in NYC. We finally escaped 15 akward-ass minutes later, leaving my dream prostitute to get humiliated for the next 2 & a half hours by this crack-maniac. We made it out alive ( i really wasnt threatened by the dude, just fuckin annowed as shit), with all our stuff and one hell of a story bout some real life Brooklyn shit. . .
    This is kinda why i refrained from telling the full story on your site: 1) it’s long as fuck, with some fucked up circumstances, and 2) I’m a dyslexic-ass story teller. So to sum up, we went back to the room cuz our minds were thinkin the same as his-“We gonna rob this foo”. Our minds werent thinking fully clear due to lack of sleep, a lil weed and hopes of gettin gangsta rich over-night. We didnt fuck the prostitute (Chris may have while i was gone. I definately would have tho if she didnt have anything to do with that guy! But we did both see some hot hooker snatch ; ) As for everything that went down in the crackhead’s room: He smoked a lot of crack while telling us his life story next to a shit-stained towel and piles of crack. He played 3 songs for us; 2pac, Biggie, then Frank Sinatra ( while he sung along in between tears, hits of crack and telling me that I made HIM nervous). Room service came to the door 3 times ( once while he was smoking crack, again while he was smokin a stogey, and again for more towels without shit stains) We hung out with a prostitute, checked out her snatch. I cried inside. But bottom line, we were the more dangerous people in the room, he was just fucked in the head and shoulda got offed by us. (Disclaimer: I’ve never killed anyone. I do not condone murder or crack. Prostitution is cool. I’ve never had a hooker myself tho. Robbing people, in my opinion, is not cool, unless they are peices of shitty-human feical matter. He DID prolly have guns behind the bed. But i have had loaded guns pointed at my head several times in my life and i’m slightly trained in hand-to-arms combat, so i didnt shit my pants during any of this)
    I’m sure there’s more that i havent said here, so when i actually post the full chronilogical story, y’all will be the first to know. . .

      • Conspiracy to rob a crack dealer, yes. Conspiracy to smoking a j, yes. Never said we were gonna kill the guy. . . and yes, there’s more. Like walking 8 blocks, through the hood, to the nearest english-speaking cab driver with this wack job while he was pullin out his stacks, tellin us stories and nearly stabbing my boy with a corksrew. The skewer was our self defense. and yes definately poor choices throughout many points of this encounter. So maybe conspiracy to self-defensed assult. Either way, nothing happened.

  4. HEY DICKHEAD
    JUST SAY “WHAT IS THIS, SAW 6?” AND BE DONE WITH IT

    Love,
    The Person You’d Rather Beat the Shit Out Of

    P.S. I don’t blame you for making the right choice, Sophie.

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