Song of the day 8/17/12


Might Morphin foreskin By Captain Murphy
http://www.divshare.com/download/19377079-9b4
I won’t lie…I really don’t know much about what’s going on with Captain Murphy. I’ve heard all sorts of things from it’s Flying Lotus rapping to it’s Zeroh to it’s tyler and Earl sweatshirt…But I honestly have no clue. All I do know is that they have a few songs that I think are dope. The one in that video above and the one I’m giving you to download.
If anyone has DEFINITIVE info on the story behind what this is all about, let the world know cause these two songs are my shit and I wanna know what I’m listening to.
But please, save all theories. If you know as much as I do about this project (which is basically nothing) I do not need to hear your thoughts on who it MAY be. Official info of GTFO.

My case against men wearing open toed shoes


A few weeks ago I polled people about men’s summer wear. Namely, what kinda shorts that men wear that are okay with girls. As things often do when dealing with the internet, the conversation spun wildly out of control and landed on the topic of men’s footwear. Not just any footwear though. I’m talking about open toed shoes on men. Sandals, flip flops, jesus’ shoes…those type of things.
Like most people living in a urban environment , I’ve long been deeply anti-open toe shoes for men. I’ll get to the reasons later but , for now, let’s cover when it’s okay to wear these types of shoes:

1)At the beach, poolside or really anywhere where a large mass of water that people swim in.

2)In your back yard.

3)Short walks to the store. kinda the same way one might throw on basketball shorts and wife beater just to go get some eggs from around the corner.

4)In your car if you’re running errands that don’t involve anything remotely social (things like going to the post office, getting a coffee, picking up laundry)

5)On a boat.

6)At a spa (duh)

7)Around your home.

See that? That’s the complete list. There is no other time EVER that man should be wearing Flip flops or sandals. Now, I’m sure some of you sandal wearing people are all ready to argue this with me until you’re blue in the face and the smell of your petrulli oil wears thin. Surely, some of you live in small towns or suburbs where the open toed look on men is mostly accepted and probably pretty typical. For you people, I give you a SLIGHT pass. I don’t approve of your footwear but I can understand how it’s kinda the norm out there. That’s fine. However, even you out of the city folk must know that , if you own a penis, wearing those “shoes” anywhere social, is not okay. To a bar? go fuck yourself. On a date? You should die a virgin. To a party? I hope you stub your toes drunkenly for the rest of your life. That said, this is less about you people than it is the urban open toed people.

Now, you city people, you’re window is much smaller (assuming you don’t live in a city where all you do is drive all day). Basically, if you’re walking around in public , it’s not alright. NEVER. A walk to the corner store is forgivable but anything beyond that, get the fuck outta here. Beyond just social events, I’m talking on public transportation (Being on the L train is like being tortured by a sea of disgusting feet. If I could hack peoples feet off on the train, i would), going out to eat anywhere, even walking to the gym…No one should ever have to look at your feet. Also, have you seen what streets look like? Unless you’re roaming around singapore, they’re fucking filthy. You’re feet are basically just magnets for whatever is near you. good luck stepping in dog shit in your flip flops. I’d imagine that feeling of the shit foaming around the corners as it touched your bare skin is one you’ll never forget…but totally worth it, right?

Now, you might be wondering why this matters and why I’m so against it. Well, in reality, it doesn’t matter. Everything I’m writing is hyperbolized for fun but still, it’s a peeve of mine (and many others) because men’s feet are atrocious looking. They’re big and hairy. They’re veiny and probably smell bad. They’re simply not something that need to be trotted out in public for people to have to look at. It’s kinda like how women who just gave birth don’t go around wearing belly shirts that show off their stretch marks. It’s just common decency to your fellow human.


Common arguments for why men wear these things are that they’re comfy , they’re easy to put on and because in the summer it gets too hot for anything that’s not open toed. Let me make my case…
1)They’re not that comfy.
I’ve worn them before in my life. flip flops are actually straight up uncomfortable. The cut into your toes and they’re not easy to walk in cause, well, they flip and flop. Sandals are slightly better but still, they’re limiting in how you can walk. basically you gotta just kinda walk slowly and shuffle you feet. God forbid you have to run in those things. Sneakers, in general, are far more comfortable as they have more support for you foot and ankle and they have better padding. On top of that, they also look a million times better and make it so no one has to look at that awesome hangnail you have on your big toe.

2) Okay, They’re easy to put on.
I can’t lie, they are…but you know what else is? my sneakers that I just slip on and off like sandals. I haven’t tied them since the first week i got them. Besides, If you’re losing too many minutes in your day taking on and off footwear, I’m pretty sure your hectic job does not include open toed shoes.

3)It’s NEVER too hot for sneakers.

This one is my biggest peeve because it’s such a pussy reason. Grown men complaining about the warmth level of their feet is not okay. Unless you’re walking on hot coals, shut the fuck up about it cause it’s simply never THAT bad.
I’ve been all over this country. I’ve been in horrific heat more times than I can count. I’ve always worn sneakers. Was I hot? Sure. But my whole body was hot…cause it was fucking hot outside. I’ll tell you what didn’t ever cross my mind at any point “Man, I’m dying out here, if only my toes were exposed…” . This is one of those “just deal with it and man up” kinda situations. Sure, i suppose an open toed shoe in 115 degree weather would be SLIGHTLY cooler…but does it really fucking matter? You’re gonna be way too hot no matter what and I guarantee you’re not sitting there just obsessing over how hot you’re feet are. It’s not like you’re forced to wear a sweater , long wool socks and slacks in that heat. You’re wearing shorts and a t-shirt. You’re as cool as you’re gonna get. Basically, worrying about how hot you feet are in a situation like that is like drinking diet coke with your super sized #2 meal from McDonalds. It’s a small thing that won’t make a big enough difference to ever matter.

At this point, I realize you’re either with me or against me on this one. So lemme throw this at you, from a more abstract angle. As men, we’re very lucky when it comes to clothing. We dress more casual than women and get away with it. While they’re wearing 4 inch heels, push up bras and spanks, we’re wearing a t-shirt with holes in it and some nikes to the same place. This is simply the one case where we, as men, gotta just deal with the most minuscule inconvenience (that actually isn’t even a real inconvenience) and suck it up. Listen, I’d love to wear sweat pants all winter but I don’t because I have self respect. If you respect yourself and those around you, do yourself a favor and put those goddamn sandals away in your beach bag. It’s the least we men can do. Trust me when I say that most women are not feeling it from both a fashion and more general visual perspective. Sandals aren’t shorts. You don’t HAVE to wear them when it’s hot out. You have choices. So, do us all a favor and fucking stop it. Please. FUCKING STOP IT…MAKE IT STOP.
Oh and obviously, it’s totally okay for women to wear them. They don’t typically have horrific looking feet and I feel as if , with all the sacrifices of comfort they’ve made to look good, they’ve earned the right.

SelfSays “April”


Selfsays is a dope rapper from detroit. A while back he released an EP called “Something out of nothing” that caught my ear. Since then, I’ve done a few songs with him, including a few on his brand new EP “April”. That’s available here: http://music.selfsays.com/album/april

So check him out. Especially all of you people who constantly complain about how there’s no good new rap. Well, here some is!

The Sir Jarlsberg album has arrived!




If you don’t know by now, you better ask somebody. Sir Jarlsberg has been a staple of this blog forever and it’s all come to fruition with the release of his full length album “Hark Thou”.
If you don’t what this is all about, get your learn on…Go to his new website:
http://sirjarlsberg.com/
The website includes music, videos, pictures and the story behind the man himself.
Here’s a weird new video he made recently

anyway, here’s a link to the the album on I-tunes:
http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/hark-thou/id545401163

If you like strange, wildly creative stuff, this will be your right up your alley. Cop dat shit!

Send me your demos. NOW OR NEVER!

As you may know, I’ve been doing Demo reviews on this blog every other week. I’ve been constantly getting asked when the flood gates would be open again for submissions and that time is NOW. However, before you rush to send me some of your music, there are rules. In order for you song to be eligible, you must follow these rules. If you fuck up any part of these rules, I won’t even listen to the song.
So, read and follow these carefully.
1)The header on the email must say “Demo review”
2)If you’ve already submitted, DO NOT submit again. You had your fun now it’s other people’s turn.
3)Send me ONE SONG. Pick your song that is your favorite or the one that best exemplifies your music and shoot it over here. I’m not going to listen to your whole ep.
4)This time around, I’ll only be accepting songs that can be heard via a link. So, no loose mp3’s or myspace pages. I want soundcloud, bandcamp or you can even upload it to an upload site (like divshare.com, hulkshare ect…) that allows the songs to stream. Basically, the streaming part is crucial. If this is something you cannot do, you probably shouldn’t be sending me music in the first place.
5)Demo MUST contain original production. I don’t want mixtapes of you rapping over other peoples tracks. I want actual songs. I also would ask that you budding producers don’t just send me some random beat you made. I want a finished product. If your shit is called “Untitled beat” I will throw it right in the trash.

That’s about it for the rules. But there’s more…You must also accept that I will be reviewing your music honestly. I don’t know you. You aren’t my homeboy. I may write some shit you don’t wanna hear/accept. That’s fine and all but just know it’s possible. Butthurt responses will be clowned on properly. Trust me, I’m as familiar with internet criticism as any person who makes music for a living. It sucks but it’s part of the deal. After all, you’re sending me your music so I can review it. what else do you expect?
It should also be noted that , genre wise, I’m a rap guy. I like rap music. This can work both for and against you people sending me rap as I will be highly critical of it but there’s also a chance I might actually like it. Where as with other genres (particularly instrumental music and electronic type shit) I don’t really listen to that kinda stuff. Feel free to send it but just know my ceiling of enjoyment for that kind of music is typically pretty low. Ironic, I know…but it’s the reality of things.

Got it? good.
So, send away to my email
phatfriendblog@gmail.com.

I’m going to keep the door open till I hit about 80 submissions so , first come first served. Once I hit that number, I’m shutting it down (that will be announced) and any submission i receive after that point will be ignored. Sorry to be all stuffy about this but I need to rules to weed out the people who are lazy and/or slacking….after all, this is the internet.
Okay.
Godspeed.

Answers for questions vol. 98


Sup sup. I just got back from a electronic music festival and ,boy, are my arms tired…from waving glow sticks. Just kidding. I don’t touch glow sticks.
Anyway, as always, I need you. Ask me questions…get nutty with it. leave them in the comments below or send them to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com Don’t be shy. Worse case scenario, I just ignore it cause it’s a bad/rehashed question. No big deal.
Okay, let’s see what the mail bag got this week…

I have a question for you (but it has a bit of a story with it). The question is “What’s behind the bed?” Here’s the back-story: Me and my buddy, Chris, drove from detroit to NYC for that Open Mike/ Billy Woods/ Nasa/ Willie Green/ PremRock/ Mega Ran show @ the cameo lounge (you were there too ; ). The show was AMAZING and every bit worth it! Everything was planned last minute and i ended up with a dirt cheap hotel in Red Hook, Brooklyn (right by the Ports). It looked nice, in the daytime. But when we got back after the show, we realized it was a lil ghetto. Outside of our hotel, there was a grade A crackhead (sells & smokes it) who for whatever reason liked me n my buddy. The first night we blew him off rather quickly. The 2nd night, there was no chance of that. Basically we tried to get into the hotel for an hour, but didnt want this fuckin guy anywhere near our room. So we were stuck hangin out with him while he was waiting on a hooker.
At some point, this guy invited us to his room. We reluctantly accepted. As we entered, there was 20 sticks of insence burning, bags of crack on the desk, about 15-20 thousand dollars laying around, a shit-stained towel on the bed and a whole world of pure fuckery (he was LIVING in this hotel). He only had 1 rule: he stayed on one side of the room, we stayed on the other; we couldn’t cross the line. he was definately hiding SOMETHING on the other side of the bed. This guy smoke $50 worth of crack in one hit, right before our eyes. He was ordering prostitutes to the hotel (that poor Asian girl looked so cute until i realized where she was going. . .), flashing STACKS of 5k+, while showing us that he had TONS of hardcore drugs. Yet, we were not allowed to see this area behind his bed. So my question to you, good sir, is WHAT is behind the bed?
A) Dead asian hookers B) The world’s largest crack rock C) Piles of Money D) Guns E) Piles of shit-stained towels F) Combo of any of the above G) Absolutely Nothing or H) whatever YOUR creative mind can come up with
PS- This is a 100% true story and next time i visit New York, IM STAYIN ON YOUR COUCH! LOL

So much wrong with that story. First off, a crackhead who sells crack? That’s like rules #1 of dealing drugs. Don’t get high on your own supply. You sure he just wasn’t a pimp/crack dealer with poor hygiene? Or just a crackhead with the keys to the right hotel room?
Secondly, he liked you and your buddy cause he was, on some level, trying to game you guys. I don’t know what his plan was there’s no way he was just like “I like these guys! i wanna hang out with them and allow them into my horrific world where there are drugs and hookers everywhere”. I know that these types can be relentless in their pursuit of what they want but how on earth did you actually end up going back to his hotel room with him? Did he offer you guys something you wanted? As a person who’s been approached by weird people my entire life and propositioned to do weird things (growing up in the west village will do that) , I know that when an obviously unstable/high/crazy/dangerous person propositions you to do ANYTHING, you don’t do it. You just politely weasel your way out of the situation…or just tell them to fuck off and bounce (depending on how threatening/imposing that person is). I’d be curious to hear what his pitch was to get you guys into the hotel room…and also, what happened after you were there. I feel like there’s so much more to this story than just these little details. Also, I’d like to clarify, I totally believe this all happened (didn’t want it to come across like I’m doubting any of this) but I just wanna know the whole story. Basically, I think he lured you guys back to his hotel with promises of fucking some asian hooker and you guys drunkly accepted. No shame in your game, if that’s the case. If you boned the hooker, it’s all good. I just wanna know for sure cause going to a hotel room with a crackhead pimp would be a mighty hard sell to anyone who values their life whatsoever.
oh and as for what was behind the bed? Guns. Obviously. Come on…you know that.

Probably not the most exciting question but going with the “deaf” question from earlier…I hurt my ear at a show, was partially deaf for almost a month after. Luckily, my ear fully recovered, almost…but my ear was ringing constantly for almost a year after and to some extent to this day(almost 5 years later), I can’t wear head phones, especially ear buds because it fucks my ear up and I don’t want to have that feeling ever again. If i wear ear plugs to a show I am totally fine after, but it truly sucks and I am kind of fucked for life. On the plus side, I read way more than I ever did since I can no longer zone out on the train listening to music with headphones on(clubs and loud stereos don’t bother me though). That being said, I’ve noticed that some artists still don’t wear ear plugs. I saw El-p recently and I am pretty sure he had none, and the show was really fucking loud, even for my friends without my issue(they weren’t wearing ear plugs). Do you wear ear plugs at shows or when you play live? How many people do you know who’s hearing is fucked from playing live on not wearing ear plugs?

This is definitely an issue for many musicians. I personally don’t wear ear plugs on stage but what we hear on stage and what you guys hear out in the audience is very different.
You guys have shit blasting at full volume and we’re just hearing the back of those speakers and the monitors. The monitors usually are set during soundcheck and , hopefully, are not too loud. When I go to shows to hear music, I usually put napkins in my ears. I honestly don’t understand why music has to be played THAT loud. It’s a similar concept to me as people who want to eat the hottest hot sauce. At some point loudness and spice go to far, past the point of enjoyable and into the realm of painful. I’ve been to shows where there is simply no way people are enjoying the music at that blistering volume.
I’ve done my fair share of shows where there was no sound check and I just hopped on stage , plugged in and went in. A few of those were brutal cause I guess whoever did soundcheck was a fan of blasting their monitors to a point of me nearly passing out on stage. Like literally i felt ill. That’s no fun.
As for people i know with fucked up hearing, we all complain about it but the ones who actually have damage are usually the ones who blast their own music too loud when making it at home. I don’t have the problem but I know some people can’t make their music without it blasting at full volume.

Female Olympic sports: Are any worth watching from a perverted male’s perspective? Volleyball (beach or reggo’s), tennis (women bending over in skirts), gymnastics (probably a bit creepy since each girl looks 12), swimming (would be much better if in bikini’s or str8 nude), Basketball (your favorite sport, but the women are Amazonian), or anything else that i didn’t mention. . . Should i even pay attention to any, or just wait 2 years for women’s curling to come back?

I mean, there are some sports that have some good things going on.
Women’s beach volleyball had some dope bodies. Spain’s team had ass for days.
I found the swimmers to all look like dudes with a slight case of downs syndrome. Maybe it’s the swimming caps they wear. They also all seemed to have man shoulders and flat chests. Again, it could be the outfits but that shit was not pleasing to the eye.
Tennis, as always, has some hot girls.
Gymnastics is some pedophile shit to watch with any sort of sexual arousal in mind. those girls not only look 12 but they are mostly like 15 , right? gross.
I was told the woman’s field hockey had the hottest girls but who wants to watch that boring shit.
The track and field girls have amazing asses but a lot of them have arms like buff men so it’s kinda hard to really get into them. Basically, the olympics are not a titty friendly environment.
But, to answer your questions, I really didn’t watch any of these events from a pervy perspective cause there’s this thing called porn that exists. If I want to watch something for that purpose I’ll skip over the blood sweat and tears of competitive sports and watch the blood sweat and tears of professional porn.

Imagine you have to beat up either your current girlfriend OR your mother, who would you choose and why? If you refuse, your whole apartment would burn to ashes(with your precious laptop and other equipment) . Btw, you have to beat her REALLY bad up, with maybe a broken bone or two. Of course she can sue you afterwards if she want.

Okay, I’m getting a little tired of these impossible questions that put me in these situations where I’m forced to do something unspeakable to someone I love. What is this, “Saw 6”? I would never beat up either of those people in a millions years. I mean, obviously,if this were a real situation I’d sooner beat up my girl simply because she’s younger and would heal quicker (and she didn’t give birth to me) but fuck this question.

So, recently, and by recently I mean last week, I bought myself an MPC2000xl on ebay. It’s in pretty good condition and shit, but it’s old. Anyways, what type of sampler was used on Music By Cavelight? and also, got any tips on what’s okay to sample and what’s not? I mean, I have a shit ton of records, a rather large amount of VHS tapes and movies, and a cassette player. I’m not looking to scratch, since it’s just a poor record player. Also, sampling the movie “Rain Man”, yey or ney?

I use an ASR-10. I’ve used it since 1995 and still have the same one right now. So, i’ve used it on all my albums.
As for sample sources, use whatever you want. You’re just starting so there’s no point in limiting yourself now as you learn what you’re doing. If this hobby becomes something bigger than you can start worrying about sample clearance but, for now, just think of what you’re doing as the minor leagues. You’re finding your sound and honing your craft. At this point, you need experience in making music. Whatever source material inspires that, do it. Just don’t try and sell it when you’re done. Partially cause you put yourself at risk but also because , if you’re just starting out, you’re music is most likely not ready for public consumption anyway.

Would you rather fuck Marilyn Manson or be Charlie Manson?

I’d rather be dead than either but I suppose being charlie would be better than being inside Marilyn. Both involve a jail of some sort. One literal, one figurative.

Do you like watching the Olympics? If so, what are your favorite sports to watch in winter/summer?

Since the olympics just ended I might as well get both these questions out of the way.
I sort of enjoy the olympics. It’s something I can turn on and there will be a 50% chance that something I’m willing to watch will be on. However, I also don’t really give a shit. Like if I had missed it entirely , I’d be fine with that. I’m not a particularly patriotic person and that angle of the olympics doesn’t interest me. The basketball is the only sport I actually give a shit about and it wasn’t THAT exciting.
But, if it’s on, I’ll watch most of the track a field stuff, the diving, volleyball, ping pong and gymnastics…and that’s about it. I watched some badminton and that shit was pretty interesting.
I think my biggest gripe about the olympics is how they programmed it. Like they’d have fucking men’s water polo on (which, by the way, is the dumbest sport known to mankind) while not showing something else way more interesting. I’d have to go to channel 5 billion to even watch a Team USA basketball game that wasn’t the finals. MEanwhile, they’re running Lithuania vs. Cambodia preliminary matches of water polo on NBC like anyone gives a shit.
I’d say I prefer the summer olympics cause I care less about sports that happen in snow. I’m just not that guy. I’m not EXTREME on any level. I like good old fashioned team sports. Sue me.

Where do you see yourself in 15 years?
Well, I’ll be 50. So, I’d imagine there will be kids involved…a wife. Music? I honestly don’t know. I sure as hell won’t wanna be touring still but I’d like to think I’ll be making music in some form still. Honestly, I’m sort of rooting for the world to end before I even get there anyway.

Song of the day 8/10/12


You would if you could By Mystikal
http://www.divshare.com/download/19323713-285
There are a few schools of thought concerning Mystikal. Lots of people hate him, lots of people love him, and lots of people just think he’s a raping extortionist.
While I can’t argue that last point, he’s honestly one of my favorite rappers alive right now. I obviously can’t excuse the crimes he’s committed (wiki that shit if you’re not aware) but I also can’t deny that he’s one of the most entertaining and original rappers doing it today. NO ONE raps like Mystikal. The fact he’s now 40 years old and shit making good shit is even more impressive.
This song I’ve posted is an older one but here is his new video and another video of him kicking a hilarious rhyme on the radio:

(Props to him for the honesty. Lots of rappers rap about jail but not like this…)

Ask Dr. Tony vol. 17


Ahhh, it’s been so long. The doctor is once again back in effect , here to answer all of your questions concerning love and shit like that. As always, I’m not licensed in anything. Not even driving. But, I’d like to think I have a keen grasp on reality and the ability to tell you how it is with honesty and balance. So, if you have more questions like the ones below, send them my way: phatfriendblog@gmail.com. It’s anonymous and can only help in the long run.
Okay? great.

I gotta Que…I’ve been seeing this guy for a couple months. He’s a little more invested than I am and he’s starting to get pretty relationship-y. I like him a lot, but I want to keep it casual for now. He has a kid and I’m not quite sure yet if I’m down with that. I’ve been completely upfront with him on how I feel though. Anyways, we’ve started having deep convos about our past relationships and that. I find myself wanting to know more and ask questions. For example; he’s a super attractive/charismatic guy and I’m really curious to know how many notches he has on his bed post. What’s the etiquette on questions like this? And if I just want to keep this relationship casual, is it any of my business? He has no problem asking me these types of questions, and for the most part I’ve been answering them. But if I start asking them am I sending out the wrong message?

first off, LOL @ “for the most part I’ve been answering them”. You know you’re lying to him about your past! It’s all good, I just thought that was funny.

As for your question, personally, I don’t think peoples pasts are a big deal. I think asking about past sexual partners (in a “How many people have you slept with?” kinda way and not in a detailed “I need to know everything that your genitals has done” kinda way) is harmless and not that invasive to anyone who’s an adult. Seeing as he has a kid, I’d say the skeletons in his closet can only go so deep. If he fucked a 1000 girls, who cares? He’s got a kid now so things are probably different.
That said, some people like to play their cards close to their chest. Some people get offended at the idea of even discussing such matters. some people are over protective, whiny pussies.
I think if he’s asking you shit and you’re answering (even if you are bending truths), you can ask him right back. I mean, you’re curious, right? Technically, it’s not any of your business but if you think you can handle whatever info he gives you like an adult, then I don’t see why not. HOWEVER, if you’re just doing it to bait him into an argument or have things to possibly hold over him in the future, you should just not do it. Also, if you’re doing that, you’re the worst.
As for asking these questions and keeping things casual, I don’t think that’s a big deal either. I’ve asked girls i’ve never even hooked up with those questions. The key is keeping the dialouge casual and not making him feel like he’s being judged. I’d like to think your typical male doesn’t read too much into those type on inquiries. After all, what’s leading him on when you’re already sleeping with him? As long as you’re still fucking him, he’s gonna still think you like him at least a little. So, perhaps, if you’re worried abut that and not that serious about him, you should consider that before anything involving personal questions.

I know this guy who is my age, mid twenties, and he is dating this old woman (on her late fifties).
Man, I see the like every week partying or whatever and I mean, what the fuck????

That’s my question hahaha

yeah, pretty much.. young people with old people (I mean +30 years older than them)

Personally, I don’t get it. Whenever I see a couple like that i assume the older person is going through a stage and the younger person is dealing with some childhood trauma via their dating choices. Daddy didn’t love you. Daddy loved you TOO much. Mommy left. Uncle bobby was a piece of shit. Whatever the case, a lot of people have things happen to them that seems to suspend them in time, emotionally. To me, any person that’s willing to date someone so extremely older than them has issues. Even if they claim some bullshit like “You don’t find love, love finds you!” as an explanation, I’m not buying it. They’re either fucked in the head or devious.
That said, if it’s just some kinda sexual exploration thing on both sides, then I see no harm in it. I mean, shit, granny porn exists for a reason. If I’m a young dude who’s into old bags, why would I not have sex with them? And you can’t blame the old people for wanting to have sex with younger people. That’s pretty standard across the board. However, when i see some “deep love” shit between people of extremely different ages, I’m not buying what their selling. I buy that one of them is into it earnestly but the other is either waiting for money or enjoying the fruits of youth.

What do you/ most men think about female ejaculation or “squirting”? I’m a squirter (I absolutely hate that word) and I don’t know whether to flaunt it in bed or hide it. Sex is a huge deal to me. I don’t sleep with many guys, but if I find a person that I have great sex with, I want to make the most of it. I can be pretty shy, but I’m very outgoing when it comes to sex. The best sex I’ve ever had has been when I’ve allowed myself to squirt. I love it. But, is it a turn off? Or do guys like this?

I’d say there are two camps on this. The guys who like it and the guys who don’t (duh). However, I feel like most men are into it. Not even as a spectacle but as a source of pride that we can make a girl do that. The guys who don’t like it are gonna be the uptight guys who are weirded out by sex to begin with. The types who don’t REALLY like vagina’s but are still attracted to women. Does that make sense? I’m not talking about closeted gay dudes. I’m talking about guys who like sex and the act of putting their dick in a vagina but, beyond that, don’t really wanna deal with the vagina. Those dudes might be turned off by it. Luckily for you, they are the minority.
I’ve had a little experience with a squirter and the first time she did it, i felt like i had unlocked some magical rubik’s cube in her pussy. I was psyched. Sure, it was a little messy but I think most dudes will exchange that for knowing that they were able to make this rare thing happen with a girl. We are a very ego driven breed. Even in sex. So when we can achieve something that not every guy can, that’s a good deal for us. Just as long as it’s not spraying in my face like an open fire hydrant. Then i feel like it might get a little weird.

Alright Block, here’s what I got going on. I met this friend of my cousins a few months ago, and promptly told my cuz that i was gonna have to holler at her friend. She warned me to be careful, because she had gotten divorced not too long ago (bout a year) from a dude who turned out to have some secret drug addiction. So I got her to go to a few shows with me, led to dinner and a movie, which ended up in my bed rollin around till bout 5am. Good shit. so we’ve been kicking it pretty regularly since, and i can tell she genuinely likes me. I really do like her, but my emotions are a little harbored bc im not sure what to expect with this chick. She’s smoking hot, bangin body, great job, traveled the world, smart as fuck, listens to good music, has a great perspective on life, blah blah blah, she’s basically way out of my league. Obviously she had a rough, yet very short marriage. Here’s the kicker: I’m 27, she’s 39…. what should I be expecting out of this? I’m kinda looking for something steady, grown tired of playing the field lately. But I don’t know what to think about seriously dating someone who could’ve been my babysitter. I feel like I should just hold on for the ride and see how long it lasts. She’s already inviting me to things that are 2 months away. Hit me with your thoughts

Well, this relates to the early question. Personally, I would not put too much stake into the longevity of this relationship. I’d just enjoy it for what it is. The thing is, she’s 39 NOW. In ten years, she’s almost 50. Seeing as you’re 29 and not a recent divorcee of a drug addict, there’s no way your heads aren’t in different places. You might wanna get married and have kids one day, right? Well guess who won’t be able to have kids? Also, You allude that that divorce being messy so I can somewhat assume she’s been through some shit. She might be simply having fun with some young dude or she might be clinging to anything she can cause she was so devastated by her divorce. Regardless, i don’t see room for long term stability in a relationship like this, considering the details. She’s wounded. It’s not her fault but she is. If i were you, I’d keep enjoying her time but know that , eventually, it will have to come to a close.

What’s with “girl talk”?? When a group of guys are talking and a girl they are friends with walks in, even if it’s some greasy / deeply offensive talk, they may pause for a millisecond but will generally carry on. When a guy walks in on a bunch of girls talking, even if he’s good friends with them, a lot of the time they will zip it up and look at you like they were just about to solve world famine but you farked it up by walking in. What is with that?

I don’t think it’s that black and white. I think, on both sides, there’s a time to zip it up and time to open up a conversation between the sexes. Chances are, if a room or girls clam up when you enter the room their either in the midst of discussing some salacious shit they did or they’re talking about you (or someone you know). As a self appointed and un-educated sociologist, I’ve been privy to all sorts of girl talk. I’d like to think I’ve sat in on the real thing more than a few times. I can tell you that it’s never as fucked up as what guys talk about but it’s far more detailed. The things they care about don’t even register on our scale. I’m not saying girls are sitting in salons talking about their feelings. Not at all. They’re talking about the same shit we are, just completely differently. For every frank discussion of dudes dick sizes (which they do talk about, sorry!) , there’s a whole other side of them explaining minute details that made huge differences to them that I’d venture to guess most men didn’t even realize existed.
I think it all comes down to women just being more sensitive to the situation. Even though what they’re talking about might not bother the man walking into the room, they might assume it does. So the talk ends. But, honestly, I think it’s more a case of “This motherfucker that owns a dick does not get to hear this info”. Regardless, let the bitches talk, bro.

Poll: Men and shorts, what’s a bro to do?


I think it’s safe to say that , when it comes to fashion, men have it pretty easy. Sure, there are those guys out there who go to great lengths to gussy themselves up and look like masculine porcelain dolls but, for most of us, jeans, t-shirts and sneakers do the trick. Ladies, on the other hand, put themselves through hell to look nice. High heels, tight fitting clothing and all sorts of illuminati-based secret under garments that are worn to make everything look how it’s supposed to. However, there is one (sort of) equalizer: Hot weather. During the summer (or if you live in a warm area, year round) men are faced with the unfortunate choice of what to wear as pants. When the temperature starts hitting in the 80’s (or low 60’s if you’re one of “those” white dudes) it becomes shorts weather. That’s fine and dandy but , bro’s, did you know that women hate your shorts? Cause they do.

In general, most men choose comfort over style and it’s totally okay. But this isn’t one of those times. While most girls might get moist for a dude in a nice suit, those same girls aren’t gonna turn down a guy in decent jeans with nice sneakers. However, shorts are vagina dryers. It’s the one time our quest for comfort and simplicity does not work well with the ladies (well, I’m excluding wearing flip flops but if you’re a man wearing flip flops off of a beach, just stop it…seriously…fucking stop it). For instance, it’s hot as fuck in NYC right now. I know that if I go out , at night, wearing shorts to a bar, I’m pretty much giving up on the idea of being attractive to any girl over the age of 16. This is fine as I’m spoken for but it’s more a state of mind of “well…fuck it”. Meanwhile, girls thrive in comfort during the summer. Shorts, chucks, tiny shirts that aren’t tight but barely cover anything. All that shit. The good thing is, we men love that. Walking around the city during the summer, a dude might as well wear blinders on his dick just so he can get anywhere without being constantly side tracked by hot, dressed down and partially naked women. but us dudes? No one is clocking the guy in shorts. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it dad-ifies all men? are out calves really that gross? I honestly don’t know. Personally, I think it makes all men look like children. Keep in mind, I wear shorts all summer, but I recognize this is not the move for any dude trying to maintain any level of attractiveness towards the opposite sex.
So, in a quest to understand both the guys and girls side of this, I decided to do two polls about. Perhaps, these polls will steer men in the right direction to where we can find a happy meeting spot. A type of shorts that men can feel proud to wear and that women can tolerate enough to let us have sex with them.
So, here are two polls. One for the bro’s and one for the hoes. For the sake of honesty, please refrain from answering the poll that’s not aimed at you. I’m doing my public service here.
Now, before we get into this, let me just clarify exactly what kind of shorts I’m talking about with the help of pictures. Here are all the types of shorts I can think of. I’m sure I’m missing some but, hey, I’m only human. consider this your glossary.
Cargo shorts:

Army shorts:

Dockers shorts:

Dickies/Carhardt shorts:

Basketball shorts:

Swimming trunks:

Jams:

Long pants/shorts:

Umbro’s:

Jean shorts:

Cut off jean shorts:

First off FOR MEN ONLY:

Now, FOR WOMEN ONLY:

The truth shall set us free…