Cheatin’: What’s your moral compass like?



I recently was talking about a situation with a friend. I’m not ashamed to say this situation was one that taking place on the newest season of the Real World. Okay, I’m a little ashamed to say that but , whatever, it’s too late now.

For those of you who did not see this season (I’m assuming that’s like 98% of the people reading this) let me break it down to you.

Two people in the house hook up. The dude has a “girl” back home that he doesn’t really speak on until after the initial hook up has happened. The girl in the house gets obsessed over the dude and, even after finding out there is someone else, she still pushes ahead in her goal to land this guy.

Now, my case was , in terms of blame, this dude is 100% at fault. I felt that because this girl was informed of a girl back home after they hooked up and , more importantly, she didn’t know that girl personally, it wasn’t really her problem.
My friend , who is a female, felt as though at least some blame should be put upon the shoulders of the “other women” because , even though she didn’t know his girl personally, it’s still not okay to be the other woman knowingly. Not to say that my friend didn’t acknowledge that the dude was mostly to blame, but she felt the girl was getting off easy.

I hope that makes sense to you.

So, here’s my question: Does the “other woman/man” owe anything to the person that is dating the person they’re hooking up with? This is assuming they don’t know that person even on the most acquaintance like level. If that person is a complete stranger, should the “other woman/man” even give a fuck about their feelings?

Now, I felt as though , while there might be karmic retribution (if you believe in that shit), no person is responsible for the feelings of a stranger. Sure, it’s a shitty thing to do and knowingly being the other person is not exactly an awesome way to live your life, but it’s also not your problem. I feel as if the blame falls heavily on the shoulders of the person in the relationship who is cheating. after all, that person is the one who knows all parties involved and that’s also the person who made any of the cheating possible in the first place.

My friend felt that , regardless of not knowing that person, it was still a super shitty thing to do (which I agree with, as i’m not a complete asshole) and , because of that, the other person deserves their fair share of the blame. (I’m sure she will write a much more specific viewpoint in the comments section upon reading this, and that’s fine)

Keep in mind, I’m slightly more sociopathic than my friend. I don’t really have “feelings” and kinda think that everyone is responsible for themselves. My friend is definitely more sympathetic and empathetic than I could ever be. But , my inner arm chair sociologist is curious. I wanna know, what’s your stance? What should ones moral compass be in this situation? I’m doing two polls. One for men and one for women cause I’m interested in how different the two will come out.
So, tell me, who’s to blame in this particular situation…

FOR MEN:

FOR WOMEN:

As an addition, here’s another poll concerning where the blame of cheating should land. This is more obvious to me but, with these polls you never know what crazy shit some of you people out there might think…after all some of you wipe standing up, jerk off dry and think wearing flip flops to bars is okay.

22 thoughts on “Cheatin’: What’s your moral compass like?

  1. If someone is cheating on their partner, they probably don’t love that other person as much as they think they do or are too narcissitic to have real feelings for anyone but themselves. What doesn’t make sense to me is why someone would be so head over heals over a known cheater anyways…

    • That last part is a question for the ages…but obviously there’s something to it. I know some women are more into a taken man. I know men don’t give a shit either way. It’s just how we’re wired , I suppose.

  2. I’m a girl and I’ll admit that at somepoint in my life I’ve been both the other woman and the cheater. That probably makes me seem like an asshole but I take responsibility for the past and wouldn’t put myself in those positions again. I agree with you though (although, I too don’t have many “feelings”). When I was the “other woman”, to start with I thought the dude was single, but after I knew he wasn’t, I felt like it was his own karma we were dealing with, not mine. I didn’t know the girl and I wasn’t ever going to meet her. The affair didn’t last long since I just didn’t feel right being wrapped up in that business but it wasn’t my fault the guy decided to cheat. If not me, I’m sure he would have been the guy to cheat with someone else..he definitely didn’t hesitate with it. As for being the cheater, yeah I felt like shit after it was all said and done…and rightfully so.

  3. With all of the available peen out there, just waiting for a girl to say yes, it’s pretty shitty to go after peen that’s already taken. I don’t understand cheaters because they could easily have what they want if they just break up with what they’ve got. I mean, at least have the courtesy of freeing up the other person so they can have some fun too.

    • I’d say it’s way more complicated than that. Cheaters don’ always cheat cause they want to leave their partners. Sometimes they they simply wanna fuck other people. If it were black and white, none of this would be up for discussion.

  4. I feel like there needs to be a hybrid response on the women’s poll along the lines of: “if he/she doesn’t know that person’s boy/girlfriend, then it’s not his/her problem AND common decency dictates you shouldn’t do that kinda thing ever.” Yeah, I recognize that’s kind having it both ways, but I think that’s the realest answer.

    • I second that. Although I did pick the first answer. I’ve been the “other” person, only found out after the fact and at the time it didn’t really bother me. I guess I’m with Block in that I feel everyone is responsible for themselves. If the guy has made the decision to fuck around with me, that’s his decision and I shouldn’t feel responsible for it. Yes, common decency and all that but it’s not gonna change the fact that they were cheating and its not gonna make the cheater a better person cos you as the “other” put a stop to things. Ha, maybe my moral compass is slightly off..

  5. I’ve cheated on a girl once and it still fucks with my head. Still to this day, I remember how she broke down when I owned up to it. It will haunt me going forward. I’ve been the other guy way more than I’d like to admit. That shit seems to follow me around. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have little to no remorse when I’m fucking a girl that has a boyfriend/ husband. However, I will never, ever cheat on a girl again.

  6. You actually didn’t do too bad a job of summarizing my view (for once!) And it appears (as of now) my view is ahead in the poll! (woot! we should do a poll of all our discussions!)
    I would just clarify that my view doesn’t stop the cheating party being 100% “to blame”. They are the person who is in the relationship. They are the person the cheated on party should be mad at. They owe more than common decency. I’m just saying being the other person is shitty, not a very nice thing to do. And may karmically fuck you. (Although it kinda already has if you’ve caught feelings for a cheating piece of shit who’s currently also somewhat cheating on YOU with their original gf)
    I gotta work on that being more sociopathic thing…

  7. Then how come dudes always want to beat up the “other guy” when caught? Other-guy should just be like, “hey… I’ve got a penis, can you blame me?” and dude-in-relationship, “Yeah, I know, she’s a slut.”
    No, but instead it’s all, “I’ma KEEL you fo fuckin’ mah wife!!”

  8. Yeah, I think it’s just basic human decency not to do that shit to somebody. I don’t look at it like you’re doing somebody a favour, or you owing them something, you’re just not complicit to their suffering. I think that being even partly responsible for inflicting suffering on anybody for your own gain is just basically wrong by all moral codes, so if you were to think it okay, I feel like you’d probably have to have a shady sense of perspective to begin with. I don’t think the alternative is even an issue of morality, more the deliberate subversion of it because there’s something you want, which makes it more like ‘the moral thing’ vs. ‘the selfish thing I’ll gain something from’.

    I agree that it isn’t their problem, but neither is a guy choking to death when they know the Heimlich Maneuver. The choice is free to be made, but one of them is objectively immoral, and I think the other is dependent on their conscience’s threshold. I think everyone involved knows it’s wrong, but do it anyway because they’re indulgent and impulsive, thoughtless, and horny (in this example at least). To be able to rationalise it as ‘not my problem’ despite them knowing they had a hand in it is, yeah, slightly sociopathic, and more like a description of a predatory thought process than a moral stance.

    There could also be a case made that people do not know it’s wrong, or don’t think it’s wrong, due to the absence of guilt felt for committing it, which is reflected in the consensus here. That doesn’t necessarily speak to an absence of a moral issue though. We just have compromised senses of morality. Compared against a logical and objective sense of morality it’s still wrong; we just don’t care as much because it doesn’t directly affect us. I think that ultimately, being this person is quite easy, as its effects are all hidden and indirect, almost imaginary. This is made easier by the fact that to the person cheated on you aren’t a person, you’re a function, so you as a person are essentially irrelevant to them, being just another abstract stranger too. My moral problem with it would lie in knowing that I’d have personally had a hand in it, but I think I have an amplified sense of obligation in this area compared to the standard.

    • Just to clarify too, I mean the above in relation to the person knowing that the other person has a girlfriend/boyfriend. If they never knew then they have no responsibility at all. If they pursue them after finding out though, then I think they’re partly responsible.

  9. I’ve been cheated on and felt like a total dumb-shit for not knowing when everyone else did and trusting a total asshole. It sucked. I wouldn’t want to put someone else through that ever. If I found out I was the “other woman” I’d be stalking that girl down and telling her that her man is a cheating douche bag. I’d probably help her plot some wicked revenge. I’m the vengeful type.

  10. So I don’t think the person who is “helping” the cheater cheat has anything to blame themselves for or should take any of the blame. But seeing as how not everyone sees it this way especially those who are getting cheated on it is my personal policy to not get involved in such a situation because I do not want to get sucked into the craziness of such a mess. Just thought I should toss that opinion out there as it is relevant to the discussion.

  11. To add another twist to it – what if you are the ‘other’ person, but don’t like whoever it is that the cheater is cheating on? That happened to me once. I knew the girl was in a relationship and felt bad after we hooked up the first time, but then met her boyfriend and thought he was a dick and after that it didnt bother me. It actually made me feel less guilty than if I didn’t know the dude at all. Is that bad?

    • Yeah. That’s an interesting situation. Or people who hook up with taken people because they know their significant other and hate them. That shit is like next level bad karma but I could see how one could justify that to themselves and not feel guilty at all about it.

  12. Nobody likes to be cheated on. Truly it’s a horrible situation to be in. If you know someone is partnered and you’re willing to be that wedge in that relationship, then fine. Go right ahead. But I’m willing to bet most people with a little foresight can recognize not only the complication and suffering of the stranger you’re affecting, but the same of the guy/girl you’re fucking. It’s no walk in the park. For people that continue to be the other woman/man, there must be a reason for the affair other than just sex. It’s messy business to be with someone who’s taken, to keep it up is hard work. Admittedly for some, that’s half the pleasure. But all things end, somewhere along the line you face the reaction. And Blockhead, I don’t agree with you when you say no person is responsible for the feelings of a stranger. There are many situations where one persons actions adversley affect scores of strangers, or even one or two. Does this mean we should do whatever we feel like, because we’re not forced to recognize the face of that person’s suffering? Think about history. All douchebags in history, in industry, politics do what tgey do because they dont give a fuck about that person they dont know personally. What is it about seeing someone, being aquainted, that changes all of that? Guilt? So if you pretend its not there it makes it easier to justify? Sure, if your guy cheats on you, he’s probably a fool and you should cut him loose. But my advice for anybody considering being the mistress/other guy- is it worth it? How would you feel?

  13. I feel like its all on the cheater. People say if someone cheats on somebody else with you, why would you want to be in a relationship with that person, but honestly, take a look at the situation. These are two people who are on real world. They are at odd points in their life, and realistically, the relationships they have now probably aren’t going to result in anything more than a failed marriage. These are two people who are on TV, doing whatever, no cares. This dudes girl is probably back at home working her ass off, paying bills and shit, and this dude is just fuckin around on TV and gettin paychecks for it. To me, its like two people with herpes fucking, they’re both filthy in this situation, but realistically they’re just wallowing in their own shit. Rant Summary: He’s the douchebag, but really they’re both d-bags for even being on this show, so they’re probable suited for each other really well.

  14. I’ve asked you many a question and you haven’t failed me yet. Here it is: i just moved to CA from AZ. Im dating a girl who i ADORE. I’m pretty much in love but i haven’t said anything because this girl “doesn’t want a relationship”. Im 98% sure its not cause she wants to date others; rather it’s cause she’s had a very rough summer (father dying, uncle dying, grandma sick). So i give her slack. Anyway, im going back to AZ next week for a friend’s wedding. And there’s a girl out there that wants to fuck. I kinda feel bad cause of my feelings for CA girl but i have no obligation to only be with one person-yet. Whatchu think?

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless Droid

  15. 2 good reasons not to knowingly be the cheatee. 1.) It’s an asshole thing to do, even if you don’t know the other person, imo. 2.) you have no idea what kind of psycho the boyfriend/girlfriend being cheated on is like. What happens when you find out some girl fucked you just to make her boyfriend (who is just getting out of jail after a couple years time served for assault) jealous?

    I’ve done it once or twice myself when younger, but i can’t personally justify doing that shit anymore. It kind of sucks though when you get down with a girl then they tell you afterwards ‘oh yeah i have a boyfriend.’ But at least you can’t plead ignorance on that one.

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