In another shocking turn of events, a political figure of great esteem and power has once again been unfaithful to his wife. Well, color me shocked. Not since the last time this happened have I been so outraged. I mean, this Petraeus fellow was the director of the CIA! Surely his dick knows how to keep a low profile.
Now, obviously, I’m kidding. This is neither shocking or exciting news. It’s yet another case of a dude who was as faithful as his options.
Political figures, actors, musicians and other sorts of rich men. How often do we hear of these dudes getting caught out there with their dicks in their hands (or in the hands of others)? It’s always funny to me what a big deal gets made out of this. Not that what they’re doing isn’t totally wrong, but that people are surprised that it happens. It’s as if people equate having a good job/lots of money with a higher moral standard. No, dirty dealings are not just what happen to people on Maury. In fact, I’d say those people on Maury have to work even harder to make it happen cause they’re not rich and powerful men. They’re poor losers who get fired from gas station convenience store jobs. In the case of these political figures, these are men who have worked their entire life to reach a point of high regard. But you know what has no connection to what you do with your dick? Work ethic. Intelligence. hell, even a strong moral compass in a very important job doesn’t mean a guy is above texting dick pics to some lady he met at a happy hour. These things simply don’t exist on the same plain for most men. So whenever this kind of scandal happens (and it happens a lot) I can’t help but just be like “Uh…yeah. no shit…”. This dude (who is most likely a nerd on some level) ,who worked his ass off his entire life to make something out of himself and who, most likely, didn’t fuck a ton of women while doing so, all of a sudden is in a position of power. And this just in: Men in positions of power get laid. Whether they seek it themselves or it comes to them, the options are plentiful. The only thing holding them back is themselves and their self control.
Now, i realize it’s sounding like I’m standing up for these guys. That’s not the case. I’m simply explaining why it happens so often. It’s not justified to cheat on your wife. These guys have all been married for years and probably have kids in college. In all reality, they should have retired their dicks years ago. But the one thing they can’t turn off is that male ego, especially given their elevated status. Sex and ego share a very similar space in the brain of most men. As much as we like fucking in general, there’s also that element of how it gives us a certain kind of worth. A kind of worth that even killing Bin Laden or foiling a terrorist plot cannot give us. It’s the same reason that “What’s the average dick size?” is one of the most googled phrases on earth. Sex is not only a joy for men, but it’s a concern and something we hold to be far more important to ourselves than just a simple physical act.
These political cheating scandals are great cause they know no political party. The political bias is thrown out the window. They happen to to the most left leaning liberal to the craziest right wing religious nut (though admittedly, they’re way more entertaining when it’s some religious dude who has to eat shit about being a philanderer). That alone is proof that this isn’t about anything more than just power and how some men can’t really control themselves when they have it.
The fucked up thing about all of this is that it’s ruined some decent political careers. People who would otherwise have done some great services for our country but got buried cause they simply wanted to fuck someone else. I really wish there was a way to take the sex out of politics. Make it so that these matters would be dealt with like normal cheating matters. Internally within the relationship. People get divorced all the time. Cheating happens all the time. It’s shitty but, alas, life does go on after that and there usually are bigger fish to fry in general. But in this day and age where everything is on record and emails/texts can be splayed out for the world to see, it just doesn’t work like that. I’d advise these people of power to stop it but that will never happen. This kind of cheating is engrained into our culture and minds as deeply as out love of fried foods and ice cream. Perhaps the best idea would be to not make SUCH a big deal out of it on a political level. Let relationships between people who aren’t you and yours not be an issue to you and yours. Treat a CIA directors cheating like you would hearing the dude from Costco fucked his wife’s sister. Silently judge him. That’s the real american way. Cause i’m pretty sure the dude at Costco get’s to keep his job after cheating. He’s just gotta deal with a whole lot of whispering and side eye from everyone around him.