You and your kids


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Man, I like kids. I swear. Granted, I feel strange holding small babies out of fear I might drop them or accidentally throw them but, overall, I think babies are cool.
But this isn’t about that. This is about other peoples kids and the expectations they have towards the people around them. I don’t know if it’s my age or where I live or how people have decided to raise children in 2012/13 but I’ve never felt more like I’m living in a world for children. It’s subtle, but it’s there. I imagine few things have actually changed and that I’m just more acutely aware of kids and their parents now but it doesn’t feel that way. It just feels as if , now more than ever, the world is one big safe guarded living room being imposed by the judging eyes of young parents. I guess what I’m trying to say is: Be a good parent to your kids but don’t expect me , a stranger who lives on the same planet as you, to give a shit. Maybe that’s a touch harsh. Lemme explain.

As a man who has no kids, I realize I’m in no place to say anything about the subject. What do I know? All i know is what I see my friends with kids go through. A mixture of joy, hardship, profound love and many sleepless nights. For someone like myself, it is a daunting prospect as, not only am I generally selfish, but I’ve never been a fan of putting in a ton of work into anything (we call that “Lazy” in the biz). Most of the time, I barely feel like starting a new album, let alone a human life so it’s very much a “from the outside looking in” type deal for me. At least at the moment.
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The other day, I was walking down the street. I came to a red light on 16th street and no cars were coming, so I crossed. I noticed a woman with two young children waiting for the light to change. She was doing the right thing. Aside from teaching her kids when to cross, she was also being very conscious of their safety. However, she shot me a shitty look like I just offered her 3 year old daughter an ecstasy pill at a rave. This is my issue. It’s YOUR job as a parent to raise your kids right. Lord knows that shit isn’t easy. Like I said, I can’t even fathom how hard it is. But it’s not my job to stop what I’ m doing at any time of my day to make your life easier. As n adult, in most situations, I have the right of way. You may get to board a plane first, but, at the same time, I can freely go about my life as if that kid you’re pushing in a stroller is not in the room. That’s not to say I wouldn’t help a mom with her hands full carry her groceries or help her carry a stroller down subway stairs. That’s just common decency. But the second you think, because you opted to bring a child into this world, that anyone else owes you anything beyond common decency, you can blow me.
I liken it to athletes being held up as role models by the media. That’s bullshit. They’re just some dudes that are gifted at a sport. It would be better if they didn’t snort lines off hookers tits and smoke crack but the bottom line is their only job is to be good at that sport. As a non-child haver, my only job is to not harm your child. That’s a pretty easy job for someone who’s not a complete psychopath.
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A while back I wrote about how the over protective and entitled parents of the world were taking over. I spoke about playing in a game of 3 on 3 at a park and having a mother come ask us (6 grown adults) to stop playing so her 3 year old son could shoot on that hoop. She got laughed off the court but still…what parents have to understand is that , as adults, we get first pick. We are the ones who run things. The safety and well being of a child is of the upmost importance, but beyond that, everything is YOUR (the parents) issue to deal with. Your baby shit his pants and you need to change him? I’ll gladly let you cut in my line for the bathroom. But If you over hear me say a curse word in a restaurant during dinner and shoot me a dirty look? Eat shit , bro. This is grown ups talking. You wanna shelter your kid from that, throw him in a sound proof, germ proof hamster ball and feed him through tubes until he’s 12. Otherwise, just accept that this world doesn’t revolve around your child. Your life does, but not ours. ACCEPT IT. The same way we, as people without children, have to accept that kids on planes are just gonna be awful. It’s not their parents faults it’s just how it is. The same way, we as people without children, accept that when a friend’s baby is anywhere social, it is officially “The baby show” and all eyes , conversation and attention is to be paid to that baby the entire time. I have no problem with that cause, like i said before, I like babies. They are cute and them doing inane bullshit is actually entertaining sometimes. I just ask, as a trade off, that when it comes to raising your child you (the parents of the world) just realize that, on a larger scale, your baby should never be MY problem. That’s all. Is that crazy to assume? I dunno…Maybe I just need to go get a Vasectomy and live in an igloo or something.
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30 thoughts on “You and your kids

  1. Up here in vancouver there is a big tizzy over a local restaurant chain called Earls that doesn’t have high chairs so that parents aren’t encourages to bring kids. Parents are butthurt, the restaurant is unapologetic, and rightly so. It’s an adult oriented place, take your kids elsewhere

  2. I’m a parent, and I’m with you on about 95% of this, maybe even 100%. Say some dude is relating last night’s sexual exploits to his bro, and he’s saying, for example, “Fuuuck dude, I fuckin banged that fuckin bitch like Ron fuckin Jeremy! I was pounding that fuckin pussy so hard her fuckin fillings fell out.” I’d say talking loudly like this in public would be beyond common decency in any situation. Would a parent be right in asking this guy to chill while he’s having a sandwich with his daughter?

      • No way man. You opted to have children, more than likely they don’t belong there. My parents barely ever took me out in situations were I would be exposed to this. The issue is that if you didn’t have your kid with you, you wouldn’t say shit even if you were offended. The point being, don’t use your child to impose yourself on other people having fun. Your kid probably shouldn’t be at restaurants. You are not single anymore, your house is your castle, nowhere else is. Sorry buddy, that what people without kids think. STAY HOME or go to a playground or something. No one said it would be fun. Deal with it.

  3. Aw man..this blog was super interesting to read…as a parent myself I truly feel that there are parents out there who do feel entitled to tell others to not swear or do “adult” actions in front of their kids. I agree with most of what you have brought up in this post. Kudos to you for having a voice bcuz your right…if you want to shelter your child…maybe you should have them grow up in a buble/hamster ball….

  4. I’m agree with you on this a lot! While common decency entails some sort of awareness and accommodation of children, it is not an adult’s place to correct another adult’s manners. Unless it’s in a snooty British accent and phrased in the form of, “Perhaps it’s not your fashion, but would you mind it terribly if you [insert attempted corrective behavior here]?”

    I’d like to read the basketball story, I searched your blog and couldn’t find it.

  5. Great write up…. Not sure if you noticed this but I’ve had a few friends who have kids and their girls before kids would swear up a storm etc etct and then once they have kids they become super mom which is cool to see but the judging language and behaviors shit is wack. oh and yeah, when’s the next album coming out?

  6. As a somewhat “young” mother (29 years old), I agree with mostly the things you’re saying. I don’t expect a stranger to go above and beyond for my child and I. However, one thing that ticks me the fuck off is when it comes to 2nd hand smoke. With children, without children, that shit is rude as fuck. And I am extremely vocal about it. (Obviously in un-designated smoking areas) I literally cannot count how many times I’ve had to yell at someone to get their future cancer smoking ass the fuck away from my child. And believe it or not, its mostly WOMEN. No, the world doesn’t revolve around my children, but my fingers can revolve around your throat if you’re going to blow shit smoke around them. I get the whole cussing in public thing…if you’re at a restaurant and you’re conversing with your friends and you say “fuck” or “bitch” or “suck my dick”, whatever, I’m not going to say anything to that person. But don’t you dare give the parent a dirty look when you’re trying to enjoy your cussing dinner with your pals, and there’s a screaming baby at the next table. Get it? While it’s true that most child less adults don’t give a fuck about another persons child, that child sure as hell don’t give a fuck about you either. When I’m at the mall and I don’t have my children with me, I do notice that parents with their children do feel entitled so I totally know what you’re saying. It annoys the shit out of me. I don’t care if you’re pushing a stroller with 3 kids in it, I’m not going to let you go first in line at the food court if I can help it. There’s 4 of you and 1 of me. Give me all the dirty looks you want. I have my own kids at home so fuck you, lady. I can sympathize with both sides, really. While I’m a mother first and foremost, I’m a bitchy adult second and I don’t need to live my life to satisfy anyone else’s kids. While common decency has pretty much diminished, I would never expect anyone to open any doors for me, let me go first in line so my kid can piss his brains out, or NOT jaywalk cause I choose not to. But I definitely wouldn’t mind it. 🙂

    • Second hand smoke is a lie, and has never given anyone cancer…get off your high horse. I grew up with 2 smoking parents, trust me, second hand smoke will never ever ever ever be as bad as actually smoking. You kid is more likely to get sick from the chemicals you use to CLEAN your house. If you don’t like smoke, move away from it. No one is tying you to the spot making you deal with it. If it is outside, even more reason to keep quiet. You don’t own the outdoors and it is legal. Suck it up and write a letter to your senator. Complaining about second hand smoke is just imposing your skewed moral view of the world on people who do not care what you think. They are killing THEMSELVES, you think they care about your kid and that your bitching will teach them a lesson? Nope. Zip it and move on lady.

      • Well I’m certainly not going to base the conclusion that 2nd hand smoke doesn’t cause cancer because your fucking ass told me so. I don’t take my kids to places where nasty smokers usually hang out at. I’ll give you an example, maybe you can get it through your skull (hopefully having 2 smoking parents didn’t fuck with your brain cells too much, but i digress), I was waiting outside a Rain Forest Cafe in fucking DOWNTOWN Disney and this fat bitch was smoking 3 ft. from where we had been sitting for 20 minutes waiting to get a table. If you don’t think that’s rude then you’re the one that’s sitting on a high horse. And I never said I own the fucking outdoors! Neither do smokers so find your own cute little cancer designated areas and smoke there cause you smell like fucking shit.

      • And another thing…I use mostly eco friendly products in my home so I’m not concerned too much about the toxicity in standard cleaning products. My son has severe asthma so it’s another reason why I won’t tolerate that shit. Obviously, if someone is smoking I won’t go near them. But if I’m sitting around and they come and smoke next to me, I’m going to have shit to say. Just because your parents didn’t give a shit that they smoked around you doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t care. Excuse me for caring about the well being of my boys. Parents either care too much and annoy you people or don’t care at all and you talk shit about why these kids grow up murdering kids in their schools. Fucked up world.

    • I was thinking about the second-hand smoke thing also. As a smoker I am generally courteous of the surrounding non-smoking population. I try not to smoke in crowds and I’ll even step into the street if someone with a kid is walking down the sidewalk.

      However, I can’t stand those passive agressive coughs and people bitching about smoking in public places in the outdoors. Smoke goes up and last I checked, the height of kids is well below the smoke-line. Next you know I’ll have crazy bitches running up to me at stop-lights while I’m on my 2-stroke moped, talking about how I’m killing eight generations of kids or some shit.

      • Monte, I certainly notice smokers that are courteous and go “over there” and smoke when non smokers are around. Obviously, if I’m in Vegas or at a bar or some shit, I would expect to be surrounded by smoke. I’m not trying to come off as anal but there are certain venues that are appropriate to smoke and other places where’s its not. Just like drinking alcohol. I’m kinda generalizing about locations, obviously we’re going to see smokers on the daily but if you’re blowing it 2 ft. from my kids I’m going to have something to say. I’m not entirely dramatic and going to yell at people walking down the street that are having a cig. I smoke here and there so it’s not a big deal. Maybe when you’re a parent and there’s a rude inconsiderate asshole blowing cig smoke towards your new born you’ll think otherwise.

  7. as a father to be… I enjoyed this blog. I read your stuff a lot and have always been entertained. I agree that a good amount of parents take it too far. having a child isn’t a vip pass to be rude and judgmental. if you act that way while your child is young imagine how they are going to grow up and treat people. lead by example.

  8. I’m a parent Block, and I’m with you 100%. Those parents aren’t helping their kids any either. They’re just raising people who will be completely unequipped for the world around them. There’s a fine line between protecting and sheltering.

  9. imma father and i think kids should be first at hospitals and lifeboats but other than that its a dog eat dog world out there. the sooner you accept that fact the better off you are. i parent like brad pitt in “tree of life”

    but that mom that wanted you to stop playing basketball was actually with the make a wish foundation. that kid, his name was dustin and he came all the way from north dakota to play streetball in nyc… and you told him no block, you told him no. hes dead now but it cool cuz he took a couple of jumpers into a trash can at the hospital he died at. i would of let him play though, but i would of dunk on em like shawn kemp…then id fuck his mom like shawn kemp…gain 100lbs and coke habit. then retire at 35.

  10. this shit is spot on, I’m used to it and they still manage to surprise me every single day. my brother had a baby recently and I borrowed his car for the weekend (I didn’t even need it, my dad did, but I was the one that took it and had to bring it back). So when I return I ring at the front door, nobody answers. Shit. I take a look and see the lights on at the apartment, what kind of shit is this? i call them, no one answers. Fuck this shit. I ring the doorbell again (i have my bike at their place and I need it the next day). i wait and finally his girl answers the doorbell. thank god, finally. “Hey (with whatthefuckyouwant voice), I can’t let you in right now, I’m feeding the baby.” Are you out of your fucking mind??? i explain that I’m just here to return the car (like i would want to hang out at that place or some shit) and I’m let upstairs. I give back the car keys, tell ’em where it’s parked and the door almost hit me before i could say i need to take my bike as well. eyes rolling and shit…like, fuck, is you crazy or something, trying to come here and take your bike while we feeding our precious baby??? I mean, I’ll just stop, it’s fucked up really..
    peace

  11. You know I have several of these… oh yeah… they getting to be non-kids now. There are lots of cultures on the planet where children are NOT the center of peoples’ universes. Actually, I think it puts way too much pressure on babies and children to have to be that much of a center of attention. I believe that adults and other aged persons should go about the useful, productive, human, business of life in a way that allows babies and children to be able to observe it and eventually join in… not as the center of attention but instead directing their attention to what should be central… the business of life.

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