Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 22

Love, love love…You won’t find much in here but that’s kinda the point.
Hi, I’m Dr. Tony. I’m here to answer any questions you may have concerning your love life or lack thereof. If you’ve got any questions that need answering or if you just need an adults opinions on your childish relationship issues, holler at me…
send me questions to or leave them in the comments below.
The doctor is in…

I know how you’ve touched on teenage love and how it’s a motherfucker, but what are your thoughts on high school couples splitting up just because they’re going to college in different places. I know love is pretty stupid at this age, but isn’t it kind of shitty that something like this can end an otherwise healthy relationship?

I think it’s somewhat necessary. While there are people out there who fell in love with their high school sweethearts , married them and lived happily ever after, there are way more people fell in love, got married and ended up hating each other 5 years later while also realizing they have floundered a good piece of their youth.
Granted, with divorce rates, the same could be said about any long term relationship. Bottom line is the odds are not in anyone’s favor. Add on both participants being teenagers and it’s even worse.
I think a thing that often get swept under the table when discussing this kind of situation is the FACT that long distance relationships are terrible. I mean, even people who have gotten out of them unscathed would attest to them just not being a fully functional relationship. So, if you take two teenagers who are all of sudden thrown into a new social existence full of booze, new people and freedom, the chances of them holding on to the teenaged love is pretty slim. It’s no ones fault. It’s just how it is.
I think I like poke fun at teenaged love cause it’s something you can only understand once you’re well out of it. I’ve been there. I remember thinking life could not go on over some girl or thinking how much every feeling I had mattered. Well, 15 plus years later and that shit is comical to me. I realize this is just something we all have to figure out for ourselves but, if you can, just take my word for it. It’ll at least save you a little time and anguish.

Yo, sup, I got a question for dr. Tony.
I’ve been dating this girl for more than four years now and I’m 100% percent sure she’s the right one for me. Our personalities match great, she really can’t get me mad, we have fun together, she gives me the space I need, she is really cute with hot body, sex is still fantastic and improving even after all this time,…I could go on, but you get the point. There isn’t a thing on her that would bother me too much and after all this time i know her pretty well. So, the problem is this. I’m in my mid twenties, in the prime of my life and I’m a handsome mothafucka (not trying to brag, I just never had problems getting girls, mostly hot ones, some grenades also, but fuck it:)), I work out regularly and I am not ready to say goodbye to all the other girls. I am attracted to them, I check them out on the streets and I want to bang them. I never cheated in my life and I don’t know it it would be the right thing to do here, but I also don’t want to end this great relationship because of a year or two of single action, which I would eventually get tired of and I would be back to square one, trying to find another long term girl again and it would be hard to do. There are a lot of great girls to have sex with, but not nearly as many good ones to be with them long term. So what should I do? I feel that my time is running out and this are definitely my best years right now. My single friends are having the time of their love lives, fucking everything that moves, but at the same time I don’t want to throw it all away. My friend is telling me that cheating is the way to go, but I don’t really know, I’m afraid it would make me feel too bad and change everything, but on the other hand it might be the shit I need, just a little spark here and there (not too often), but it sound really wrong, plus I don’t want to hurt her (if she finds out somehow).
Thanks for advice, peace.

Well, welcome to the world of every guy ever who’s ever been in a long term relationship and owns a functional penis.
I’ve always been a proponent of people not really settling down till their late 20’s/early 30’s. For the very reasons you have discussed. However, I hate to inform you, these feeling don’t go away. There are certain dudes out there who get in relationships who seemingly resign their dicks and don’t even look at other girls or harmlessly flirt. But, the rest of us? It’s just something we gotta deal with. It’s the thing all people should consider when embarking on a new relationship: Is this person worth me not fucking other people for? It’s a real simple question and has many many complicated layers to it but that’s the basic gist of it. Are you willing to forfeit all other partners for this one person? It’s never an easy question to answer.
Look at it this way:
Sure, you could break up with this girl, get a few years of random sex in and then settle down with someone else. problem with that is, if this current girl really is all you claim she is, you will have regrets. Once you plow through a few hot yet moronic girls, it might dawn on you that , perhaps, you traded in something of real value for a few random busted nuts. OR it could work out fine. you sew your oats and meet some other similar perfect girl down the line when you’re ready. There’s no right or wrong in this scenario. It is what you make it.
As for the whole cheating thing, I’d advise against it. Some dudes are built to cheat, others are not. Your friends are just telling you to do that cause, in all likelihood, they want their single friend back. The fact you have reservations at all tells me you’re not bout that life. Even if you did do it, I’m pretty sure you’d feel like total shit about it and it would become an issue.
The only honorable way about this would be to suggest a “break” with your current girl. The only problem is that people don’t usually come back from “breaks”. But , hey, if that’s what you think you need to do…go for it. Cause, don’t forget, you’re a handsome motherfucka. Just remember while you’re you fucking all those girls, she’s also out there…sucking others guy off and telling them how much she loves their cock. If you can handle that, than maybe you guys are meant for each other.

Ok. There is this girl who I liked since the beginning of this year – haven’t always considered her on my radar, but she’s always been there. She’s young, was 17 earlier this year, and I didn’t know how I felt about that being in my mid 20’s. I live in a small town where everyone kind of knows everyone, from mid teens to mid 30’s, and my friends (guys and girls,) were supportive, like, “go for it.” I decided against though, hearing a couple horror stories from a friend about people he knew in the past that were like 17 and 18… + disgruntled parents = registered sex offender. So I hung back, still maintaining contact as friends, and we were both pretty close for a little while. At one point she was asking me where I lived and if I drove at 2 o clock in the morning. But I digress. We sort of faded in and out of conversations over the months, and she’s legal now though I’ve come to terms w the fact I’m not fit for a relationship w anyone at this point.

So as of recent, whenever I ran into her I could tell she’s genuinely happy to see me, and I’d text her, about once every two weeks, getting a response about half the time. She’s cute, and nice personality so of course she’s the center of attention, not necessarily by choice, but though she wasn’t too big on getting back to me.. i dunno, I figured she was maybe she was just like that, or playing games or something – but the other day I got the text back, “you’re making me uncomfortable” .. “I’m sorry, how” .. “you come into my work, text me all the time.” I forgot to mention that she works by my house and I had stopped in a couple times, just to say hi and stuff, didn’t think much of it – and I know exactly what this looks like. She had told me where she works, I didn’t stalk her – though honestly that’s completely how I felt, and was exhibiting that kind of behavior, in how i was a bit relentless making contact. I totally didn’t mean to, I just kind of had it in my head we still had that same connection as before + how she was when she’d see me, and I let that divert me from the feeling something wasn’t right. I said “I got ya,” in that text conversation and she said “sorry.” I said “no need,” being as I found it kind of insulting and implicative to me being weak. She wrote “?” and I was a bit confused, didn’t quite know what to say, so I said “because you didn’t hurt my feelings,” which wasn’t exactly true, but I meant that I didn’t need her to be sorry for me, and that would be messed up if i did … need her to make me feel ok when i was out of line.

After letting it swirl around, I decide to send her a message the next day (i know, i know,) only to tell her I understand how i was being, and to say there’s no bad blood from this end … I figured that would put her more at ease. And I mentioned cause it’s my birthday (25,) in a week or two, that I invited her, totally don’t expect her to show, but didn’t want to exclude her.. with everyone we know. Anyhow, she comes back to say why she can’t go, and gives the impression she’s bummed about it, which I was really taken aback by, cause one minute i’m like creepy-stalker-guy, and the next it seems like how it was before, no hitches – so I don’t really know who I am to her.

Granted she’s young, and on looking back at this point I really don’t feel too good about that, and perhaps I should persecute her for said interacitions .. plus I totally backed off since then, and though it’d be cool to still be friends, don’t have a problem with completely keeping distance, especially with the fact it’s better for me to be alone at this point. And definitely didn’t feel too good about this stalkerish behavior. The situation isn’t really a “problem” at this point, though kind of a loose end as to wondering what’s what. In general wanted to see what you thought. Hoping you won’t need to twist the knife much.

Eh, I’d say just fall back. She sounds like she’s either too nice, confused or flighty. All three of those things are not worth sweating over. She’s 18 dude…You’re 25. That age difference is okay when you’re in your mid 30’s and she’s in her late 20’s but 18 is YOUNG. If you just were angling to fuck her, that’d be one thing (although it is a little creepy that you’ve known her for as long as you have and seemingly have had her in your mental farm team this entire time) but it sounds to me like you don’t even like her that much. She’s kinda cute and nice? Well, how bout you find a girl closer to your age that fits those standards? I mean, it’s not like you sound like the pickiest guy on the block.
As for your stalkerish behavior, I feel like that was just some texting miscommunication. Times like that are when actually speaking to someone comes in handy as it leaves no room for misinterpretation. Still, for someone you’re not super interested in, it does seem kinda unnecessary that you stop by her job all the time.
is it possible all this has to do with you fulfilling this long term fantasy of having sex with the young girl? I mean, shit, it happens. I get that. It just seems like something you could take a step back from and realize that it’s best to just drop it.

So , yeah, fall back. If she wants to see you, she’ll make it happen. If not, you just saved yourself having to have extended conversations with an 18 year old. congrats!

Alright. So I’m in my younger 20s, stuck in a shitty place in America, and struggling financially. Awesome… What I have going for me with the ladies is purely personality, skill, etc. My history goes as such: made lots of mistakes with the females who were involved with me, but also was taken advantage of to the point of not believing any chick…really at all. So now I don’t seek relationships. I’ve been fairly unsuccessful playing the “careless” part trying to get with girls, but it’s anything but an act. Once you crossover to indifference…well I’m not sure if you can come back, but I think the answer is that your most likely not gonna give a fuck. Generally I believe that most people suck and if they have a vagina and expect shit…they qualify twice for sucking. Here’s my question. Yes. A very selfish thought. Seems to me as though girls(maybe just hoes…) are down with dudes in a relationship. Would it be so horrible to have a chick around (that I most likely wouldn’t trust…she most likely wouldn’t trust me either) so as to increase my chances of running into better ones? I know…total asshole thought but I’m not seeking something to last…too cynical.

Jesus christ dude. Get it together. You don’t sound like you’ve even experienced that much. I get a feeling one specific girl burned you pretty badly (recently) and this if your reaction to it. You just seem butt hurt and depressed. You can’t pile all women into one “type”. Sure, some of them are untrustworthy hoes. But there are plenty that aren’t.
so, you’re asking if getting a fake girlfriend will help you land better girls? No, man. It won’t. What might help you is to not be so cynical about the whole thing. Listen, I get it. I’m the king of indifference. But, the thing is, if you REALLY are indifferent, that would work in your favor. For some reason, lots of girls are drawn to the challenge of an indifferent guy. However, your “indifference” sounds more just like straight up bitterness and disdain. I’m afraid that’s not the shit that gets the panties moist. I dunno dude, I think you’re coming at this from a really skewed angle on every level. My advice to you would be to step back from it all and really consider what humanity is about and maybe try to generalize a little less. Yes, I just told someone to generalize less. That’s how deep this is.

9 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 22

  1. These are always entertaining. Questions 3 and 4 though… Jesus Christ.

    If there is one thing I learned from the internet over the last year, it’s that my problems are just minor league stuff.

  2. the 2nd guy reminds me of josh harnett from “the virgin sucides”. your gonna die cold and lonely homie. and ur girl friend, shes gonna marry her rebond guy from you, have three kids, and work part time at her husbands insurence office. 20 years from now you’ll notice her shopping…ur eyes will lock for a moment but u guys will ignore each other and walk seperate ways. later that night when your alone in your bed, you’ll wonder what could off been…wonder if shes thinking the same thing. all cuz you couldnt jack off to porn like a decent human being. just beat off bro, and watch “the virgin sucides”.

  3. Here’s what I suggest for dude that’s in a great relationship and not sure if he wants to fuck other girls or stick with the one he’s with. You said your sex life is getting better all the time, after 4 years that can almost mean only one thing; ya’ll are getting kinkier to some extent. So here is what I suggest, either you are getting kinky or you aren’t… if you aren’t then you need to try and find out what kind of kinks she might be into and test the waters, talk to her about it, don’t just assume cause that could cause issues. (However, don’t ask her permission in bed if her kinks includes being at your will either.) From there, see how kinky she is willing to get, which sometimes only depends on how much she likes the sex you’re already having (which could mean a few different things, but either way) or at least in my experience I haven’t met a girl yet that didn’t want to let me do some….different type things to her; even though the things aren’t different to me in the least. I think they’re normal, and people that stick to normal sex aren’t in tune with something in themselves that they probably should be. Anyway, once you get that going for a 1 1/2-3 months and both of you are comfortable with it, ask her if she has ever had any fantasies of being with other girls. If she has, and she likes being at your will, and you guys trust each other….. SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS? The best way to get other pussy besides your girl is to get it with her. Plus, its great and if she really likes girls she’ll be mad into it. However, if she is the jealous type, or you let it seem like for a second you enjoy being with those other girls more than you do her, you’re fucked my friend and it could ruin the relationship but at least if it gets ruined there doesn’t have to be as much guilt on your side as outright cheating. If you have trouble bringing it up with her, buy her 50 Shades of Grey or some dumb shit like that, sprinkle and let marinate. She’ll get ideas on her own, and maybe let her pick the girl. It might be best to have ground rules for the threesome(s) though. Now, taking it from asking her if she has ever had fantasies about other women and getting to the place where you are both with another girl at the same time…. that’s the trick. You know the girl, I don’t. Maybe this is a dumb idea in your case, or slightly manipulative, but its worked for me before.

    • Obviously, try not to let it be one her good friends or semi-good friends. Had that happen once and even if it doesn’t fuck things up, it will get brought up again when things actually are fucked up.

      • And just for the record, my user name on here has nothing to do with any of my own preferences in what I was just talking about. It’s actually a reference to how most people are all up on their favorite artist’s or famous people’s jock, and so I make it a point to kind of be a slight asshole in a joking manner anytime I meet someone who’s work I respect.

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