Mtv is kinda doing things right now…

I know. You don’t own a TV. I get it. You’re too fucking smart and read too many books to waste your time ever watching some reality show on MTV. Well, while you’re thumbing through the dictionary learning words and shit, I’m at home being a fucking sociologist! That’s right…I’m watching TV as a means to learn about my fellow man.
Over the last few months, I gotta hand it to MTV. They’ve made not one, but THREE new shows that I, as a full grown male adult, can enjoy on some bizarre level.
It’s been a long time since this has happened. After years of teen moms and sweet 16’s, it would appear they have finally hit the nail on the head. Well, maybe that’s going overboard. Lemme rephrase that. It would appear they have turned over some stones and found something of slight worth.
Because I’m assuming you are all too good to watch MTV cause you’re too busy eating gluten free everything and doing yoga, allow me to explain these three shows I’m speaking of. Perhaps I can even sway you to let your brain rest for a bit and just enjoy some good old , mind numbing tv. Doesn’t that sound nice? Sure it does.
Think of these like reviews , if you will…Why not?


Catfish is a show based on a documentary about a dude who finds out his online relationship is totally made up. He does detective work and actually meets the person he had been talking to all this time, only to find out she was not who she claimed to me. Sound familiar? Considering what’s going on with that Manti te’o guy right now, this topic is more relative than it’s ever been. Basically, it’s an expose on the lengths people will go and reasons people lie on the internet.
The premise of the TV show is to help people involved in questionable internet love webs see who the real person is behind the curtain. Turns out, 9 out of 10 times , The wizard of Oz is just some lonely, insecure and morbidly obese person. For this reason, I prefer to call this show “Fatfish”.
The host, Nev Shulman, is an affable jew that every white girl loves. He’s so kind and understanding that it almost makes you think he can’t be serious. His sympathy knows no bounds. He entertains the dreams of the delusional like few other before him. They will be sitting there, telling him their story about how they met this dude online four years ago and have never spoken or met him even thoughh he lives 2 towns over and Nev will nod his head with a look in his eyes that reads “I know, he’s THE ONE”. Even after the story is told and Nev and his co-host start doing research on this person (which always turns up faulty info and clearly dismantles the dreams of this person even before they have a chance to meet their “soul mate”), Nev still manages to keep a straight face and blow just enough smoke up their asses in order for the pay off…the face to face meeting between the two internet lovers.
I always watch this show with my girl and she’s just waiting for that one episode where things work out. Where the person on the other end of the relationship is actually who they say they are. But it will never happen. Why? Because that’s how these things work. There is no logical reason to NOT ever speak, skype, send new pics or meet someone you are involved with. I’m not just talking dick pics either. I’m talking basic interaction. So, if it’s been years of telling someone you love them over facebook messages but never , ever meeting that person? You best believe the person on the other side of that screen is hiding something huge, be it a belly, or a tucked in penis.
Of the three shows, this one is easily the best in all senses of the word. It’s actually riveting in a non-ironic way. It’s fucked up enough to appeal to the anti-social folks out there and it’s got a documentary angle to it that lends itself to the show actually being put together well. Sure, Nev is definitely exploiting these people under the guise of being the most caring and sensitive man on the planet but I’d argue it’s for a better cause. These are people that need to be smacked into reality cause they obviously can’t grasp life off the internet. This show is a realistic look at the world we live in right now, sitting behind our computers and trusting everything a little too much. This is a show I’d even tell my mom to watch. The other two…not so much…


It’s redneck jersey shore. That’s all it is. I could go into a long winded description of it but what’s the point?
However, before you write it off, let’s not forget that Jersey shore was once an awesome show. It was awesome cause it was a reality show where “real” shit went down. By “real” I don’t mean “actual” I just mean rugged. People fucked. People fought. People got alcohol poisoning. The difference between “Buckwild” and “Jersey shore” is subtle. While Jersey Shore followed the lives of a bunch of guido’s in their early/mid 20’s trolling for pussy in the world’s corniest beach town, Buckwild is a hair younger and they give less of a fuck. These are kids who I’m not even 100% sure are the legal drinking age yet. Some of them look in their late teens. All they do is get fucked up and do redneck shit. Redneck shit is that happy medium between hoodrat shit and an episode of Jackass. No gym, tan or laundry here. These half witted yokels ride mud buggies during the day and then get obliterated at night to entertaining results. They’re like a cast of Maury show rejects with no adult supervision what so ever. I’ve often compared pitbulls to dumb frat boys. This show is like if you took a whole kennel of untrained pitbulls and gave the jello shots. It’s mayhem. Not to mention a few of these dudes are so southern they need subtitles when they talk. That’s always a good time.
I recommend this show to people who really want to take a break from thinking. It is the mindless time waster you’ve been craving. It’s never dark or deep…it’s just dumb motherfuckers being dumb while doing dumb shit. It may lead to you becoming sterile but it’s pretty harmless. Also, If it lasts more than 2 seasons I’ll be fucking shocked.

Washington Heights

This one is special cause I can’t help but think of the pitch to get this show made…

Pitch guy:Okay, so there’s the neighborhood in upper Manhattan called “Washington heights”. It’s full of “flava” and drama, so I’m told. I’m thinking we could make a reality show…Kinda like “The hills” but in the hood.
MTV Exec:Go on…
Pitch guy: So, this neighborhood is where all the dominicans live…
MTV Exec: Wait…What’s a “dominican”?
Pitch guy: It’s like a puerto rican I think, I dunno…I’ll have my people look into that detail.
MTV:Very good, But how are we gonna sell this show to a country that barely knows what puerto ricans are? I mean, you realize that the east coast is only a small part of the country…
Pitch guy: No, I get that. But what if we take these dominicans and their neighborhood and give it the MTV treatment? Make it look glamorous? Sure, they live in 2 bedroom apartments with their extended families in buildings where people piss in elevators…but we can make them look fabulous. Like have them eating at all these hip restaurants…
MTV guy: Are you sure they have those up there?
Pitch guy: No, but I figure if we just make up some outside seating at whatever diner they live near, it’ll look fancy enough.
MTV guy: Good point. But…I dunno…how is the rest of the country going to relate to this tiny sub-culture? we need something…something…umm…white?
Pitch guy: I hear you loud and clear. We’ve already got a misplaced white girl lined up. We’re thinking that she will be the connecting link between these dominicans and all the people watching the show who never even knew that was a race of people.
MTV guy: Excellent. Also, they’re gonna need to have dream, aspirations and shit like that.
Pitch guy: For sure. We got it all mapped out. We got a rapper, a poet, an artist , a fashion designer and a baseball player…maybe even one wants to be an actor? We’ll see.
MTV guy: Perfect! oh, just one thing, no blunt smoking! I wanna keep this positive. Kinda like how we never showed the girls on “The hills” doing coke and sucking dick. Also, I wanna keep the brown bagged 40’s and them saying “nigga” to a minimum.
Pitch guy: No problem. We can fix all that in editing.

And, from there, this show was born.
Watching this show is pure bliss for me because it’s such amazing bullshit. Sure, these kids may be real but the world they’ve (the shows creators) created to be Washington Heights is another story. It looks more like Soho heights. I legit feel bad for the people who live there now cause it is indeed one of the last remaining real neighborhoods in Manhattan and it’s about to get over run with stupid white people who saw a tv show and moved to NYC. Sure, some gentrification has happened over the years but it’s maintained it’s balance better than most hoods have. That is, until now. This show is like an attack on the heights authenticity. Much like how “Sex in the city” turned my downtown neighborhood into a a shell of it’s former self, this show could very well be the beginning of the end of Washington Heights as we know it. There is no doubt in my mind, hundreds of people from all over the country , who had never even knew of this area existing have light bulbs going off in their heads thinking “that place looks like somewhere i could move!”. After all, everyone know that, while Brooklyn is the place to be, the price is high to live there. Why not move to the heights? Well, there are many reasons for your typical midwest white to not move there but they sure as hell can’t tell from this show. Let the gentrification begin.
Now , reading this, you’re probably thinking “Why the fuck are you watching this shit then?” and it’s a justified question. I guess cause I can’t take my eyes off of it. It’s not quite a car crash (though that girl reading her spoken word poem “Uptown, my uptown” was one of the more hilarious/cringeworthy things I’ve seen in a long time) but it’s fascinating to me. I like to watch for small flares of the real Washington Heights to pop out. Amidst this fantasized version of 175th street and
Fort Washington ave, the fact is they are still in the hood. It’s not the scariest neighborhood on any level but it’s still the hood. Yet, somehow, they manage to minimize those realities and make it look like a rustic beach town. But when those hood elements pop? It feels good, man. Cause really, an actual real reality show about Washington Heights would be incredible.
Beyond all that, it should also be noted that a good amount of people on this show are actually likable. As corny as the spoken word poet girl is, she’s very sweet. The hipster art nerd dude seems like he belongs in Williamsburg but he’s nice enough. Even the lauren conrad of the show, a rapper named “Autobon” , is even somewhat likable. That may not make people want to watch the show but it something different than most MTV reality shows. But, really, when all else fail, you can’t go wrong with a hood cat fight…

This show is for the soap opera reality show types. The people who watched Laguna beach and The hills. Whether or not those same people will want to watch a show about a small subculture of latino’s in NYC remains to be seen but, really, the plots point remain the same.

19 thoughts on “Mtv is kinda doing things right now…

  1. What’s wrong with gentrification, bro?
    I don’t see the downside of NYC becoming an exclusively white (but extremely hip) cultural hub.


  2. hey block, ive heard anthony bourdain say he misses the old manhattan any chance he gets. is it really that different now? u really think gentrification is a bad thing. cuz i live across the street from abanded house, the shit holes been anbanded for over 3 years and i wouldnt mind knockin the fucker over for applebees.

    for the record i feel applebees and MTV are the same thing on some level. you watching washington heights is like eating a cheese burger with bbq sauce and an onion ring on it. well im off to yoga and a localy owned book store the serves coffee.

  3. I really expected to hate Catfish when my gf made me watch it, but its one of, if not the, best reality shows on right now. in a couple of seasons it’ll be completely fake, corny and terrible, but i’ll enjoy it for now.

  4. Why exactly would a typical white Midwesterner be a lost soul in New York? I am a white, Midwestern guy and that made me curious. For the record, I have little desire to visit NYC, must less live there.

    The first bit was kinda funny though. I have a TV, but it’s only for watching movies. I don’t watch television not because it’s trendy to do that now, I am just a tightwad. No point in paying for something that I could get for free on the internet if I REALLY wanted it to begin with. I had cable up until 2001 or so but MTV started to suck in 98, so oh well. I am not ‘above’ some good, old-fashioned, mindless entertainment from time to time but there’s almost always something better to do, like make music, or (yes I said it) read a book.

    I’ll take your word on the new shows, but I still haven’t recovered from the MTV burn. In the span of a few short years they took one of the coolest things EVER and turned it into something profoundly wrong on multiple levels. I find it supremely sad that teens consume this stuff… no wonder our country is a fucking mess. Hell, I think gangster rap era was less poisonous than the last decade or so of MTV.

    • A white suburban midwesterner would be out of their element GREATLY in washington heights. That’s just a fact. But, if you have no interest in ever living here than what i said doesn’t really apply to you. It’s aimed at all those other people who do and have no clue what the’d be getting into by moving into that particular neighborhood
      as for these shows, I don’t know you but i get a feeling they wouldn’t be your cup of tea. Just a hunch. MAYBE Catfish might intrigue you though.

      • But what I want to know is WHY they would be out of their element. What is so different about that place? Does the same apply to NYC in general, or just that particular neighborhood. I’m curious.

        Also, now that I’ve thought about it a bit more, I realized that I am not TOTALLY reluctant to visit New York, but since I haven’t been there I cannot shake this mental image of some grey, dirty, cold, stinky, derelict, and generally ‘hood’ place. I think of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mixed with the movie “Kids.”

        I doubt I’d be into those shows, but I’m not really into much TV in general. Discovery channel, History channel, Travel channel, etc… I can dig that stuff. I used to like Comedy Central too but I don’t know if it’s total shit these days or not. Aside from that stuff I just feel like the internet is overall far more entertaining than television because I have total control over what I’m seeing.

      • I’m speaking of that specific hood. I mean, nyc can be a culture shock in general but an actual somewhat ghetto area for someone who never been around something like that? It’s like nothing they’ve ever seen. have you ever seen massive projects? Are you familiar with bodegas? Shit like that is specific to NYC. Sure, other cities have them but not exactly the same kind. But more than that, a regular white person who’s been around other whites their entire life might be a little uncomfortable when they are all of a sudden the minority. Especially if half the hood is speaking spanish.
        I do think you have skewed view of nyc though. It’s not hood at all anymore. Most of it is pretty tame. Aside from certain neighborhoods that most people simply never go to unless they live there, it’s mostly an awesome city that people can just walk around, eat,shop, see crazy shit ect…

      • I just watched the Catfish trailer and it does seem like something I could try out, primarily because I went through the same thing like 10 years ago. 😀

  5. Ok so I actually enjoyed reading all of this very much. NOW I have a few questions has anyone EVER lived in WH? I DO and I say that extremely loud and proud lots of people are very judgemental and have not ever even been here yes this. neighborhood can be a little rough sometimes BUT we are not all as society says GHETTO there are many educated hard working families that build the positives of our neighborhood like friendly people neighbors who become like family this is a real community the thing that puts WH in a not so great category are the young teenagers who just try to be cool WH is still part of Manhattan with so much opportunity if you are a motivated go getter the plus side is our rent is not $10, 000 a month and I can asure you I live in a great family oriented building with no urine in the hallways my daughter goes to a great college prep performing arts school people will continue to judge but if you think aboutit you can judge everywhere like I took my daughter to a dance scho. In a NICER LOL. Part of Manhattan the people were rood not friendly at all their children the same I was totally baffled because uptown has much more soul I can go on for days I just want to defend my home we are not all hoodrats that have no desire to live a good lifethis is what I teach my daughters to tell the world when someone says oh your growing up in the hood NO IM GROWING UP TO BE A SMART INDEPENDENT SOCIALLY AND CULTURALLY ADVANCED FASHION FORWARD WOMEN FROM THE WASHINGTON HEIGHTS SECTION OF MANHATTAN …I forget to mention im white lol…my husband is dominican hahaha

    • I think you’re missing my point.
      You’ll notice I never referred to the heights as some desolate ghetto wasteland. In fact, I said, while it was hood, it’s not THAT BAD (in that respect). I understand that you’re proud of where you live and that’s great. You should be. But I use the term “hood” to describe any area with lots of low income housing. Projects, at least in NYC, are a marker of a place being hood. That doesn’t always translate to that area being a terrible , dangerous place to be…and the heights is certainly not high on my list of “Dangerous ghettos”. It’s funny though, cause if i were to say that to some to other people living in the heights, I’m sure they’d jump down my throat and argue that the heights is indeed thugged out. But I suppose that’s just youthful ignorance at work.

      I was only trying to explain to the midwestern guy who couldn’t fathom what it might be like why he might not just fit right in there.
      I also said that that show was gonna be a bad thing for the heights for the very reason you’re praising it. It is one of the last real neighborhoods in Manhattan (like you said, it actually has soul to it) and a show like this is only going to lead to gentrification which will lead to the “Soul” being sapped from that area. Trust me. You think greenwich village was always yuppies with strollers?
      Also, Lol at “fashion forward”. GTFOH.

      • I totally get what your saying you worded it very well and I do agree the young people would argue its hood cause they have been unfortunate to not have the right guidance all though I dont think we have lots of housing projector maybe I never noticed its funny you said you look for glimps of the real w.h so do I lol .I have even said wait where is that place lets hope that w.h community is strong enough to not let it be over run by people who seen it on mtv and says oh that place looks fun then the more young white peaple that move in the higher landlord s raise our rent ..

Leave a Reply to washingtonheights Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s