Answers for questions vol. 121


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I hope everyone has recovered nicely from Super Bowl Sunday or “super bowel sunday” , as I like to call it. Here we are, back again with another installment of that thing where you ask me stuff and I answer it. I’m an open book. So, if you have any questions at all, about anything, ask me. Leave the questions in the comments section below OR email them to at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Unless the question is a repeat, too stupid to comprehend or too personal (I think that’s only happened like twice), I answer them all. So, get on that.
Here’s this weeks batch…

I know you aren’t into ghosts and shit but what’s the creepiest, chilling, back-hair raising ghost story you’ve ever heard?

Because I don’t frequent campfires with children very often, I haven’t heard many ghost stories. The ones I have heard tend to induce eye rolls for me as , in most cases, everything that happened could be explained, therefor, debunking the reality of a ghost actually existing. However, there was one I heard recently (I forget who told it to me but it was definitely someone I know well and respect as a human) that was kinda scary. She told me about living in some old house off campus when she went to college in upstate NY. I forget all the details but it involved tons of slamming doors and rattling windows. While this could easily be explained by wind, the thing is, whenever this would happen she’s go and check and the air would be completely still outside. Still, it coulda have been gusts but I’m forgetting huge parts of this story so it’s not like I’ll convince you. I just clearly recall hearing the full story and thinking “hmm…that’s kinda fucked up…”.

I was putting together a mix of songs for a new year’s party & I noticed about how many of my favorite artists have put out so much quality music & then suddenly stopped. Not that they stopped making music but with many of my all time favorites they just started putting out kinda shitty music. Not complete trash but definitely not as good as the old stuff. Not naming names, (Gza) but I think I attribute it to laziness and complacency. Its like they are ok with falling off and just phoning it in. Is this just a fact off life and everyone falls off eventually and these cats just accept it and are just milking it for what it’s worth? Can this be avoided? Is it all about staying hungry?

Falling off happens. I think the higher you ascend , the harder you fall. A dude like the GZA had a classic album under his belt and then probably toured extensively, made lots of money and was in a different place when it was time to do a follow up to that classic. This happens to more artists that you know. I feel like touring a lot can hurt the creative growth of an artist cause , if you’re away for like 6 months at a time, you’re not on the ball. You’re in tour mode. It’s like being in a catatonic state. I’m sure some of these guys would get off tour , recalibrate , and by the time they were ready to make a new album, the entire landscape of music had changed. Music, especially hip hop, moves so fast you have to actually pay close attention if you wanna keep up.
But, beyond just hip hop, falling off is a fact of life. There is not a single famous artist who’s been making music for 15 plus years who hasn’t dropped a stinker or two. Whether it’s cause that artists changes for the worst, loses his drive to create, or takes bad advice from yes men…it eventually happens. Sad but true.

So I was just taking a shit and the placement of my dick when I sat down just about caused me to piss all on my (ankled) pants. This is a phenomena unrelated to size of your member…it’s an effect of carelessness. Ever happened to you before?

I’d definitely say that is a result of carelessness. Do you not tuck it while you sit? This has never happened to me as I learned from a young age how to pee while taking a shit. The only thing I can say that’s happened like that to me would be having pee leak out the front of the toilet seat due to shoddy craftsmanship.
This does remind me of the time my friend told me “Hey, don’t you hate when you’re taking a shit and you dick touches the water?”. It was right then that I knew my friend had a really big dick. Which is not something you ever really need to know about your friends.

88 or 94? in ur opinion what was the single greatest year in hip-hop?

I’d actually argue that while those might be the two most important years where hip hop took a leap forward, neither are the best. I’m more of a 91 kinda guy. But the thing is, even deciding that is splitting hairs. Hip hop from 88-94 was my favorite period in music ever. Without 88, 94 wouldn’t have ever happened. So, while the music that came out in 94 was probably more enjoyable and holds up better today, 88 was a year where things got rolling. Big Daddy Kane, The Jungle Brothers, Rakim, BDP.
Not to mention, I think part of the reason people hold 1994 in such high regard is cause it was the year “illmatic”, “Ready to die” and “Southernplayalisticcaddilacmusic” came out. All classic albums that changed the game…but personally? I’ll take 91. http://rateyourmusic.com/list/Madvillain/ego_trips_25_greatest_hip_hop_albums_1991 That’s an insanely good list. Better than 94’s easily, in my opinion.

Hypothetically you’re on the first date/first night out drinking(I don’t date that shits a mystery to me) with some seemingly chill chick who’s, lets say a 9, when things go smoothly and you end up at her place. She wants to fuck. However, she says she’s only down to fuck if you put anal beads in your ass. (Supposedly a friend of a friend of a friend had this shit happen to them after hooking up with this chick from craigslist…)So you’re about to cum and you do, but as you do she pulls the beads and you shit everywhere. You run in the bathroom embarrassed. You come out still a bit red in the face to find this chick rubbing your feces all over herself. You bolt. Would you put the beads in your ass to get with this hottie? If you did and got to the point where you had just left after wiping your ass in her bathroom and just seen her wiping shit all over herself, do you tell anyone about it?

Questions like this scream “I’m a virgin”. Just saying. But, I’m here to answer even the dumbest questions so I’ll go forward.
First off, I don’t care how hot the girl is. Anal beads inside of me is just not happening. The notion that , because a girl is soooo hot that she could get a grown man to do something he’s 100% doesn’t want to do in the bedroom is ridiculous. Sure, a beautiful woman could get a man to do tons of dumb shit. Kill a man, fuck over his family, end friendships…but sticking things up his ass when he’s not into it? Not gonna happen. Even dirt bags have their limits.
So, let’s just say, for the sake of discussion, I did let that happen. I cum ,shit and run to the bathroom and come out and see her playing with my fecal matter. Would I tell anybody? OF FUCKING COURSE! In fact, I’d probably write about it on this very blog and just tell my mom to skip that entry. How could I not tell people that? That’s insane. Also, I’d never ever ever ever see that girl again as she is a disgusting pig.

8 thoughts on “Answers for questions vol. 121

  1. 91 was the shit in a lot if ways. I just bought a Roland JP-8000 last week and its probably my favorite purchase of my musical career (produced in 91). From the sound, to the feel, to the looks, it is the shit.

  2. I was 11 in ’91. I was just getting into Vanilla Ice, MC Hammer and Kris Kross… Although I feel kinda sheepish now considering what else was out at the time, I feel more self-respect having those artists introduce me to hiphop (which of course led to listening to better and better artists as I got increasingly familiar with the genre) than kids today with their Noodle Soups and Supamans and that song that just says “faded” over and over.

  3. I grew up in a house that was haunted. Something that can’t be explained at this moment in time doesn’t mean it’s not real, in fact they explain a whole lot of it. It’s the scientific community that walks about with anal beads up their ass shitting on everybody’s theory’s.

    • ya, bro… in the meantime just attribute unknown phenomena to mystical spiritual beings. Like the sun-god… the wind-spirits… the “where-the-fuck-did-I-leave-my-keys” gnomes. Fuck science, what do they know?

  4. That shit story happened to a friend of a friend of mine… I am now extremely curious as to whether one of my friends asked that question. It’s almost the exact same story I’ve heard haha.

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