Ask Dr. Tony vol. 13



Bon jour , my friends.
Welcome to another installment of “Ask Dr. Tony”. I’m Tony and I enjoy answering questions about your personal love life. I’m not a licensed anything and I really have no reason to be doling out advice on this subject but, you know what? I think I’m pretty good at it so that’s all that matters. Just know that, if what i tell you is all wrong and ruins your life, you can’t sue me. You asked me , a musician with half a year of college education, for life advice. That’s on you, bro.
ANYWAY, if you have any questions of the heart that need answering, don’t be a shy pussy…ask me. If nothing else, I’m a straight shooter when it comes to this kinda thing. Send questions to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. I look forward to hearing all about your shitty love lives.

Mr Block,
I met my girl on an internet dating site. I originally went on there just to see whats out there and possibly get some hookups. Had some bites and some fun times. Then i met my girl. She lived a bit far away but shit clicked liked Tech Nines in 93 west coast rap.Shes it. Amazing on all levels. Flash forward to now we have been living together for 3 years & about to make it official. Good for us.

Are we the exception? Have you had friends that have similar experiences? Whats your take on the internet love connect? Desperate loser tactic or the new direction for humans?

Damn son…You clicked like tech nines in 93 west coast rap? That’s a really specific kinda love, bro.

I’d say people finding love via online dating is no longer the exception. The fact of the matter is, while many people are on those sites for fun, there are just as many people on them who use it as their only viable way to meet a mate. You know who settles down? People looking to settle down. I’ve known a few people who found love on those sites and I’d say the success rate is about as good as people who met people the old school way (for the record, the success rate of both those is pretty depressing but that’s besides the point).

There was once a stigma attached to online dating sites but , at this point, it’s kinda the norm. Shit, people get laid off of twitter nowadays so signing up for J-date.com seems almost regal. At this point in society, people are so used to communicating via the internet that it’s almost weird to hear about people building an organic relationship off of it.
So, yeah, you’re not special…but congrats and all that shit. I’m thinking you should use your story and get paid by being in one of those E-harmony commercials where that song “This will be…an everlasting love!” plays in the background.

Hey, Phat Friend,

Came by your thread–thanks for posting, and your so-very-blunt man-translations.

I need a translation:
Dude and I have been seeing each other for a little while (2 months) casually, but going quite well (i.e. developing slowly) and it’s not just a hook up. In talking with him one night he admits that he’s slept with someone else after we’ve started seeing each other. So I ask Dude, “so, is this what you want? just to casually date and see other people?” And Dude answers “yes, that’s what I want, for now…”

We chatted further, and I said “well, I’m eventually going to want more…” And Dude says “yes, me too.” And later in the conversation when I asked him what he ultimately wants, he replied that he wanted to be in love with one woman, for the rest of his life.

–I”m just giving you extra details so you have an idea of the tone of the convo. It was all very gingerly, open, and comfortable.

I know his phrase is just a different permutation of “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” But it’s the ‘for now’ that I found odd. Most dudes who, in your words, would never consider seriously dating a girl would just likely answer “yes, that’s what I want” and leave it at that. Just wanted your thoughts on this.

Yeah, you’re not the one. Sorry. I don’t doubt he enjoys spending time with you and putting his penis inside you a few times a week but the fact his first reaction to your question “is this what you want?” was a resounding “yes”, well, there’s your answer. Anything he said after that was said to both soften the blow (I’m sure he read the reaction you had on your face when he said it, which I imagine was a mixture of a half smile and absolute soul drenching disgust) and to back peddle a little as to not interrupt what was going on at that very moment. I’d imagine, while he realizes you like him more than he likes you, he also doesn’t wanna ruin what you guys have going on. He likes you enough for that. Did I mention this guy is probably kind of an asshole? But, hey, at least he’s an honest asshole.
You know that book/movie “He’s just not that into you”? Yeah…This is that. Guys will have care free, non-commital sex as long as you allow them to. The second you tried to lock this dude down , I’d be willing to be large sums of money that he’d be gone from your life within two weeks.

Quick question: I’m newly single and back in the dating saddle. I’m now dating guys in their 30′s and 40′s. And we go on dates. I can’t for the life of me figure out how long to wait to have sex with someone I actually like. Assuming we are super hot for each other, how long do I have to play the good girl? I don’t want a guy thinking I fuck everyone. Also if he’s texting me every day does that change the timing? I am super interested in this one guy I met last week but I’m used to idiot 27 year olds. We have already gotten semi-naked but that was on the first date. Sigh. Maybe there were too many margaritas involved. He was super respectful but stayed over that night.(no oral just lots of making out) I have heard from him every day since. I’m just worried that after that first date it’s going to be difficult to slow it down a little. And I am worried he thinks I am a whore. HELP!! When can I bone this guy and not have him think I’m a slutola???? Ps should I let him win in words with friends?

This is a tough situation cause not every guy looks at sex early on as a bad thing. While i’d always tell girls to not fuck a dude the first time you hang out (assuming you’re in it for more than just sex), at the same time, once you reach a certain age, sex shouldn’t be such a big deal. I feel like when two people over the age of like 27 hook up, sex is assumed on some level. Maybe not right away, but soon. Holding out for three dates would be both respectable and a good way to measure if he’s in it for the sex or maybe for something more. But fucking him on the second date should not be overkill either. I suppose, a lot of it has to do with how you go about it. If you fuck him on the second date and are taking loads in the face like a champ , he might think you’re a bit of a whore. But if you bone him on a more civilized tip with hints of what’s to come if this continues, that’s probably a wiser move, where longevity is concerned.

As for the texting and all that…also a tough call. Are you familiar with “thirst”? This is when a dude is just hardcore hungry for what you got. He will do and say things that he might not normally say just cause he wants to hit it so bad. If you hooked up with him on the first date, got naked but didn’t let him put it in, this will make his desire to fuck you grow exponentially. So, a dude in that position who is texting every day could either be
A)Honestly interested in you and just being involved
OR
B)Keeping you in the loop so he can hit it as soon as possible because he is thirsting.
It’s really hard to know which one it is so good luck with that. On the bright side, you are dating older men so that’s a good thing as they tend to be more direct and honest about shit like that. If it’s on your mind, discuss it with them. At worst, you lose out on some meaningless sex with a guy who just wanted to have sex with you.

Personally, I think people who want to fuck should fuck each other. It’s really very simple. It’s unfortunate there is always going to be this cloud of “Am i slut if…” over girls heads but I say “fuck that bullshit”. You wanna have sex? Have sex. Just be sure you’re doing it cause you want to and not cause you think it will help you chances of landing this guy a a long term boyfriend. Understand that most men don’t look at sex the same way most women do. It’s not as an emotional act for us as it tends to be for you. We can do it with multiple people (or questionable hygiene) in a week without a single feeling of guilt or remorse. That’s not as easy for girls. But, if you feel like you’re not one of those types of girls? Take back the night and enjoy sex. There should be no shame in that.
Also, don’t ever let anyone beat you in Words with friends. That’s retarded.

I need some advice in the love department. Im 21 and never had a girlfirend so i dont know how it really works. I know this girl that really likes me. I can tell she does because whenever we talk she gets nervous and blushes. Plus a few of her friends hinted that she liked me. I want to approach her and im not scared to but i dont know what we would do together! I dont know what shes interested in because i really barely know her. So im not sure where to take her. Im kinda a boring person so i dont do much other then work 40 hrs a week and play alot of basketball. Any ideas on how i should handle this block? Thanks

Dating sucks. I mean actually going on dates. I feel like, in my entire life, I’ve been on like 5 proper dates (excluding “date nights” with girlfriends, in which I’ve done a billion times).
I could be reading into this wrong but I get the feeling you’re not so much the “go to the bar and get drunk” kinda guy cause, if you were, that would be the ideal “date”. Not only will the alcohol loosen you up a little, it also takes the pressure off of having to come up with some crazy night of elaborate plans. If the girl likes you, I’d think she’d just be happy to hang out with you period. Like I said earlier, I haven’t been on many dates but I sure as hell have gotten drunk with a lot of girls at bars. honestly, in my eyes, it’s the best cause it’s all about conversation. It opens up way more physical doors than a stuffy diner where you talk about each others cats or a movie where you sit in silence. Just don’t get too drunk…
But, like I said, I get the vibe that’s not your style. So, my best advice would be keep it simple. Dinner. Movie. Just hang out with her. You gotta get the ball rolling somehow and those two things are something most people can enjoy on some level. If I’m off and you are a person who enjoys a drink now and then, might I suggest the triple threat of “Dinner, movie, bar”? If not that, just do some lame activity together. What you gotta understand is that this “date” isn’t about what you do, it’s about spending time with the other person. You could go the Zoo on a date. You could take a walk by a fucking pond if you like. Bottom line, just ask her to do SOMETHING and then roll with it.

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