My Top 15 Ladies of Yore

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(none of these women above are included in this post)

In honor of valentines day, I thought I’d celebrate some of my favorite ladies of all time. The ladies that helped shape my young mind into what it is today (for better of worse, I suppose). Now, some of these may really show how old I am but these 15 were all girls who, at some point in my maturation process, that had an impact on me. I’d say the love of these women ranges from me being between 11 and 19. So, you know, they’re pretty fucking important. Let’s take a look at my top 15 ladies of yore (in no specific order)

1)Christie Brinkley
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She was the first famous person I can clearly remember being obsessed with. I was too young to recall her swimsuit issue but in “national Lampoon’s vacation” she changed the game for me. She also is the only girl ever featured in my only wet dream ever. (mom, stop reading here). I was in 6th grade and dreamt I was having sex with Christie Brinkley. Thing is, I was on a bed in the middle of a stadium with a crowd of cheering fans. They would applaud at certain moves. It was fucking bizarre. Dunno what that means but I’m happy to report I never became someone who desires a crowd during sex.

2)Christina Applegate
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Before the internet , back when porn was hard to come by, us 11-14 year olds in the late 80’s had to settle for whatever we could get out hands on (literally) as masturbation fodder. What I would do was record episodes of “Married…With Children” and beat off to Christina Applegate. It’s funny to look back cause , really, she wasn’t that hot. At the time, I thought her breasts were the pinnacle of perfection and it didn’t even dawn on me that she dressed like a Winger Groupie. I suppose, as a kid, your tastes in women are very carnal. Applegate spoke to those desires.

3)Phoebe Cates
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I still contend that young Phoebe Cates is one of the hottest women ever. I mean, the scene in “Fast times” alone changed the life of every adolescent boy who saw it Granted, she never was that hot again but I still feel like she remains a mold for what I find attractive in girls faces to this very day.

4)Lark Voorhies
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While everyone was clamoring over Tiffani Amber Thiessen (who was also hot), I always had a thing for Lisa Turtle. The fact that her character on “Saved by the bell” was a spoiled cunt really never dissuaded me from liking her the most. Liking her was the one thing Screech ever did right.

5)Samantha Fox
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Now, this one is obvious. Tits. I feel like back in the day, tits of her caliber were not as prevalent. Sure, there were plenty of big tits out there but few pop singers who let them fly like Samantha Fox. I knew like 3 dudes who had Samantha Fox posters on the wall and it’s crazy to think what their parents must have thought. I mean, we were like 12 with a huge poster of a sweating, huge titted prostitute on our walls right next to the one of Bo Jackson.
It’s funny to look at her now cause, truth be told, she’s kinda gross. I mean, I’d still hit it (duh) but she certainly has an air of “bar whore” to her.

6)Lisa Bonet
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On the Cosby show, Bonet was so pretty that it almost made her non-sexual. She also dressed like charlie Chaplin, so that didn’t help. Then she did the movie “Angel Heart” and , all of a sudden, she was a next level kinky girl who couldn’t get off unless she was being doused in chicken blood. I suppose my mind settled somewhere between those two extremes and found solace in her being neither a weird virgin or a voodoo prostitute.

7)Drew Barrymore
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This one was personal and very specific. Drew’s window of being hot, in my eyes, was a brief and intense one. The mid 90’s to be exact. Whenever this picture was taken. I don’t know what it is but it got me. It didn’t hurt that she lived in my neighborhood and saw her all the time on the street. For the record, she is WAY cuter in person (even to this day) than she is on screen. But, yeah, she’s one I seriously loved. A lot of these other girls I’m mentioning here were simply “hot” to me. But , at that precious age of 18? I felt like she was my soul mate.
PS. We should be together soon

8)Rosie Perez

Rosie set off something very specific in me. No, it wasn’t just her awesome big tits. She reminded me of girls I loved in high school who wouldn’t fuck me in a million years. Basically, all the hot puerto rican girls who wouldn’t give a white boy the time of day. I’m pretty sure if you ask any white dude who grew up in NYC during the 80’s and 90’s, they know exactly what I’m talking about.

9)Nicole Eggert
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She was an early one. That face. Jesus…that perfect little surfer girl face. It’s too bad she got older, started chilling with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim and began to look like a blown out stripper.

10)Alyssa Milano
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This one is fairly obvious. All dudes love Milano. I honestly didn’t even give her a glance when she was on “Who’s the boss” cause she was a kid (even though i think we were about the same age at the time) but when “Teen Steam” , a work out video for budding adults, came out? forget about it. She had every young dude sitting funny and she even upped the ante by not giving a fuck about getting naked in movies. how cool of her was that?

11)Jenny McCarthy
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When I was 12, my dad gave a subscription to playboy magazine. He was an artist and felt the human body was blah blah blah (really, he just used me as an excuse to get playboy for himself). Jenny McCarthy was a super star of playboy. She had what most would consider the perfect 90’s body. Then she got on TV and it turned out she was actually kinda funny. Her short lived sketch comedy show on MTV was way better than it had any right being…AND she was hot. Her only downside was her slight chicago accent that makes even the hottest girl sound like she works at sausage factory.

12)Yasmin Bleeth
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She was a “Baywatch” sleeper. That show had so many hot yet plastic looking women (shout out to Pamela anderson who simply didn’t make the list due to overexposure at such a young age). The thing about Bleeth that made her stand out was that she was a brunette. I feel like I started out loving blondes then, as I got older, I started preferring darker haired girls. I’d like to think Bleeth had something to do with that.

13)Rebecca De Mornay
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Another early one. She had a dead eyed coldness to her that really turned me on as a youth. Much like Rosie Perez reminding me of girls i could never get, De Mornay was similar. But instead of Puerto ricans, she reminded me of rich upper east side girls who smelled great and who only dated dudes in chinos (that was once a thing…). To this day, I still resent those girls but mostly cause, even after i broke the seal and met them, they still were pretty awful people.

14)Natalie Imbruglia
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Of this list, she may be the prettiest girl of all. She came along when I was older and my taste was more refined. I remember seeing her video for “Torn” and not even realizing how hot she was. But I found myself just watching it intently every time it would be on. Then it all hit me…”oooohhhh…this girl is stunningly beautiful and everything I desire! durrrrr…”. I have no clue what happened to her but, goddamn, look at that face.

15)Vanity
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For many people, the music of “Purple Rain” was a life changing experience. For me, Vanity was the one who changed the game. She opened my eyes to what is currently my favorite type of girl: brownish girls of non-descript/mixed race with insanely hot faces. I mean, I didn’t even know that was a thing when I first laid eyes on her but, I’ll be damned if it doesn’t resonate to this very day. Really, Prince’s hit list is one of the greatest collection of hot women ever seen by man. If i were really on some boss shit, every choice concerning ladies would come down to “What would prince do?”. Fortunately , I’m no boss so that’s neither here nor there.

Demo Reviews Vol. 16

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I swear, I wasn’t in a bad mood when I sat down to write this. But this weeks crop? Holy shit. Bummer Central.
In case you don’t know what this is, this is where I have readers send me their demos and I give them honest feedback on what I think about them. I pull no punches and rarely like anything more than “it’s not bad” but you budding musicians seem to like the real talk so I keep doing it.
To all the people reading this thinking “Where can I send you a demo!?!”, not quite yet. I’m not accepting new submissions at the moment. However, I will be very soon. Keep a close eye on my social networks (twitter, facebook and this very blog) as I will be asking for more demos sometime early next week. until then, hold your horses.
Anyway, I review these all the same way. A brief write up where I tell you what I think then a rating of 1-10 in these categories:
Production:
Vocals:
Listenability:
Originality:

That’s about it. Now, put on your helmet cause this weeks batch is war.

Artist:Casey Okane
Song:Get Lifted


This is a very typical demo for me to receive. It’s an adequate white rapper spilling his guts over a somewhat chaotic yet melodic track. It’s not bad. It’s also not good. It just kinda is. I don’t knock this dudes hustle though cause he can rap well enough. The problem is there are literally thousands of rappers just like this.
Production wise, it’s almost dope and the producer does change shit up a decent amount which I appreciate. It’s just kinda sloppy sounding at times but I would say that’s more due to the mix and the main sample having somewhat busy percussion in it.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist:Hyphonetics
Song: Black Hearted Drums


Yeah…So this is just some drums and one sample. That’s not a song. Not even close. That would mean, this is just a beat some dude made which means, in my eyes , it doesn’t qualify as a “demo”. For all people who plan on sending me songs in the future: Don’t send me shit like this. I want to hear songs. Not the track you made last night while blunted out of your mind.
Production:3 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:3.5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist:North Eastern Ice Pirates
Song: One Eyed Willy


This has a nice slow build to it but it doesn’t ever seem to really go anywhere. That said, it’s a pretty dope track that would be doper with an MC on it but it works out well enough as an instrumental track. Good drums, well mixed with a palpable vibe to it. I’m not mad.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Beat Puncher Prime
Song: No Jumper cables Vs.They can’t Come


Oh, so you did a mash up of an Aesop and a P.O.S song? KEWL.
On what planet does this qualify as a “demo”. There is not a single thing the producer did except line up vocals with a beat. Come on, man. Why one earth would anyone send this shit to me? I would assume it didn’t need to be said but NO MASH UPS.
Production:N/a
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:n/a
Originality:-100000000 out of 10

Artist: Gabriel Vasichek
Song: Occupower



I’m not gonna lie…The picture accompanying this song isn’t helping things.
I don’t often get songs with singers and bands. Probably cause I’m the last person anyone would ever want to review that kinda shit. This is..umm…I have no idea. It’s an occupy wall street kinda jam band meets the Crash test dummies

I’m not a politically charged man so this isn’t really speaking to me. I appreciate the idea but , yeah, not for me.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:2 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist:Oubleday
Song:Aich


When this started out I thought it was a remix of that paul McCartney Christmas song

But I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the producers intention.
This feels like some drug music. A drug I don’t do but a drug nonetheless. I don’t doubt there is an audience for this kinda instrumental track. It’s very mellow and sorta grinds it’s way through. All I’m imagining is the “chill room” at some rave in eastern europe.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Bullet-Tooth Tony
Song: Finance 101


Is this guy rapping or reading me a lullaby? I like some mellow rapping styles (See Open Mike eagle) but this is a bit tiring. I wouldn’t say he’s bad at rapping but there’s just nothing compelling me to want to hear more. That said, because it’s an unusual style this could appeal to some folks out there.
On the bright side, I like the production. It’s very simple but the changes are both in good taste and subtle.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:5 out of 10

Artist: Chris Mackey
Song: Stick it in


I have a sneaking suspicion that this isn’t an original beat. Either I’ve heard it before or that loops been used before. So, off the bat, do better.
And the rapping…well…listen. I used to freestyle all the time with my friends and be silly. We recorded it and would play them over and over again. What we wouldn’t do would be send those freestyles as a demo. Little know fact: 99% of the people out there don’t wanna hear you and you boys freestyling. It’s only interesting to you and your boys. I promise that.
Production:N/a
Vocals:2 out of 10
Listenability:2 out of 10
Originality:2 out of 10

Artist: Elepheel
Song: Blossoms


This is kinda cool. It’s nothing too crazy but it sets a mood. It seems a little amateur (the drums could or could not be sounding like that on purpose, I’m not sure) and it’s limited in where it goes but it’s a decent start. As always, a rapper would have greatly improved it.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Ribbon Mouth Rabbit
Song: The Prideaux Manifesto


I gotta say, after sitting through a week of mostly terrible demo’s, this one feels like a breath of fresh air. It’s not blowing my wig back but the mere fact it’s well put together, has a structure, has dope drums and it mixed tightly makes it sound like the work of an expert when compared to the majority of this weeks submissions.
Good job.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Which one did you like the best?

Answers for questions vol. 122

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Oh hey there…Welcome to another edition of that thing where I answer things you ask me. why? Because we both have time to waste.
If you have any sort of questions you’d like me ask (personal, music based, advice, ridiculous) throw them my way. Email me them to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the in the comments below. My only rule is that you try and be original with the questions. We’re 122 volumes deep now so “What inspires you?” isn’t gonna cut it.

Ever have a chick grab your dick in a public setting through your clothes? This seems like absolute bullshit to me cuz a dude can’t walk up to some chick and grab her crotch without being thrown in jail. What are your thoughts on a drunk chick grabbing a dudes dick through his pants in a public setting? Assuming you know this chick but haven’t slept with her.

I’m racking my brain and can’t think of a situation where this has happened. I feel like I’ve had girls tap my crotch before but never straight up grab it. I also have pretty good reflexes so perhaps I’ve avoided a few grabs that way.
As for my opinion on it, it depends on the situation. I’d imagine there would be a time when the right girl grabbing your junk in public would be kinda cool. That time? When you want to have sex with that drunk girl. Otherwise, it’s pretty rude and presumptuous. Also, a lot of girls don’t really know how to handle balls. By that, I mean they go a little rough with them. If some drunk girl violent grabs your package, she could end up really hurting you if she did it wrong.
As for the whole angle of it being bullshit cause men can’t blah blah blah…deal with it. women get groped all the time and it’s way scarier for them cause men are generally bigger and more imposing figures. When a girl grabs your junk in public, it’s not like a wave of rape fear washes over your body. When a girl does it to a man, it can be awkward but it’s not exactly threatening. Think of it as a poorly worded compliment.

Mr. Scruff has got his own brand of tea. Made me think, have you ever thought about having you’re own cereal? I’m not offering it to you cause I’m an unemployed 20-something, but what would it be like? And if there were any other products you would put out…

I’m not really a cereal guy. I mean, I like it but I never have it cause it means I have to get milk. Milk in my fridge is too much pressure. It goes bad so quickly, i feel like, if I have cereal, I’m under the gun to eat like 3 bowls a day or else the milk with go bad and I’ll be stuck with half a box of cereal for the rest of my life.
So, I’d opt for something different. I actually tweeted about this the other day but , if I could make and sell anything in the food world, it would be an oatmeal cooking with chocolate chips in it. How that’s not the norm for all cookies is beyond me. Fuck a raisin. The only problem is, i don’t cook or bake so I’d just have someone who does, make a good one and I’d throw my name on there. Soft baked oatmeal with chocolate chips. I’m getting aroused just thinking about them.

How do you go about finding samples?
how much of them are not from records and how much are?

Also if you have any tricks of reducing grain noise from
records on ableton without altering the audio too much.

I pretty much only sample from stuff I download nowadays. The records I would sample from simply got too expensive and dollar bins have been dry for years. Nowadays, I go to rare music blogs and download albums that other people ripped off vinyl. Not only is it free but the type of shit I get is stuff that I would have never been able to find ten years ago. I know some purists complain about the sound quality of sampling off of mp3’s but I’ve never been bothered by it. I started sampling off cassettes anyway. This is a step up from that.
As for Abelton tricks, just don’t stretch a sample more that 10-15 bpms. Some are more workable but anything with a percussive sound in it is going to be hard to do major stretching to. Also , you can set that thing (no clue what the name is) in the “sample” window (between to the “clip” and “envelop” windows toward the bottom) to different settings like “beats”, “Tones” , “Texture” and “Complex”. That will sometimes give you a little extra leeway with the stretching.

For the rest of your life, which would you rather have happen… Every time you take a shit you get a little on your hand, or every time you take a piss you miss the urinal/bowl for half the stream?

I mean , is this even debatable? Who would ever pick the “shit on your hand” option? It’s not like missing the bowl a little is some guilt ridden experience. It’s what we do anyway sometimes. Also, in this situation, do I not have hands of something? Is my dick like a wiley firehouse? On what planet could this not fixed with simply aiming where i pee?
I think that’s my problem with these “would you rather” questions. While they are often funny, the choices are so easily refuted it just doesn’t work to my logical brain. Like, getting shit on your hand…I suppose that’s possible. But just missing the bowl completely for half of the duration of a piss? Unless I have a gyrating urethra, it just doesn’t work.

Say you were given the chance to be in the first group of humans to colonise a new planet, would you? Catch is you can never return to earth, but you never have to work again. Also who would you bring (anyone).

Hate to be a bummer but I think I’d pass. I’m not a trailblazer like that. I’m happy in my little world with my comforts and familiar things. The last thing I’d want to do is start over on a different planet. That just seems like a lot of work, considering I’m gonna die eventually regardless.
A better plan would be to send all the people I dislike to go start that planet. Thus, improving this planet greatly. I feel like that would be much easier than rounding up all the people I like and starting life over on New Mars or whatever.

I gotta question, Alaska said he didnt like stevie wonder, the beatles, bob marley, and others during your ” tim and I look at shit” thing recenly. everyones entitled to a opinon and i actually agree with a couple of his dislikes. is there any legendary artist you dont like or dont get the appeal? what about hip hop artist?

Oh, there are tons of hip hop artists I feel that way about. Off the bat, Tupac. I mean, he was OKAY but that was about it. Lil’ Wayne too. Even in his prime he just sounded like an underground rapper from the mid-90’s crossed with Jay-Z.
I hate to throw these dudes in , but the Roots. I tried to like them for a long time. I really did. I just was always bored. Musically it was fine and Black thought is a great rapper. It just didn’t stick for me. I feel as if Black thought has all the parts that makes a great rapper great except his actual lyrics. Like, nothing he’s ever rapped had stuck with me, no matter how perfectly executed it was.
I also have a similar thing with Kendrick Lamar. he’s undoubtedly a great rapper with a vision and a lot of creativity. I would never say he was wack. I just can’t get into him. Maybe it’s his voice? I really dunno. I wanted to like his new album cause it’s really well done and thoughtful but I just found myself never putting it on.

As for non-rap stuff…there are tons. Thing is, I was never a rock guy. So most rock and roll, i simply don’t give a fuck about. Nirvana…Bruce Springsteen…any heavy metal. It’s just not for me. I think it’s for that reason I got so shocked when Alaska hated on the Beatles cause, to me, they’re pretty unfuckwithable. But i think his point had more to do with oversaturation than the music itself. Cause from a song writing standpoint, who’s fucking with them in rock?

Song of the day 1/8/13

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Big Boat up the river By Harry Belafonte
http://www.divshare.com/download/23698768-bad

Apparently, the east coast is once again about get shit on my the weather gods in the forms of lots of snow. But, you know what? I’m not playing that shit. Instead of sitting about stewing about something I can’t control, I’m gonna just put this song on and Imagine I’m riding a fucking banana boat up some river in wherever Harry Belafonte is always singing about.
Truth be told, Belafonte is the man and often over looked when discussing musical power houses of yesteryear. There’s more to him than Day’O. So, this song if my gift to all those people trudging through the snow/sleet/rain today wishing they could be anywhere but where they are. While you’re going through that, just imagine Harry Belafonte’s crazy ass juggling fresh guavas while getting head from some indigenous women of unknown race. Feels better, right?

Ask Dr. Tony vol. 13


Bon jour , my friends.
Welcome to another installment of “Ask Dr. Tony”. I’m Tony and I enjoy answering questions about your personal love life. I’m not a licensed anything and I really have no reason to be doling out advice on this subject but, you know what? I think I’m pretty good at it so that’s all that matters. Just know that, if what i tell you is all wrong and ruins your life, you can’t sue me. You asked me , a musician with half a year of college education, for life advice. That’s on you, bro.
ANYWAY, if you have any questions of the heart that need answering, don’t be a shy pussy…ask me. If nothing else, I’m a straight shooter when it comes to this kinda thing. Send questions to my email: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. I look forward to hearing all about your shitty love lives.

Mr Block,
I met my girl on an internet dating site. I originally went on there just to see whats out there and possibly get some hookups. Had some bites and some fun times. Then i met my girl. She lived a bit far away but shit clicked liked Tech Nines in 93 west coast rap.Shes it. Amazing on all levels. Flash forward to now we have been living together for 3 years & about to make it official. Good for us.

Are we the exception? Have you had friends that have similar experiences? Whats your take on the internet love connect? Desperate loser tactic or the new direction for humans?

Damn son…You clicked like tech nines in 93 west coast rap? That’s a really specific kinda love, bro.

I’d say people finding love via online dating is no longer the exception. The fact of the matter is, while many people are on those sites for fun, there are just as many people on them who use it as their only viable way to meet a mate. You know who settles down? People looking to settle down. I’ve known a few people who found love on those sites and I’d say the success rate is about as good as people who met people the old school way (for the record, the success rate of both those is pretty depressing but that’s besides the point).

There was once a stigma attached to online dating sites but , at this point, it’s kinda the norm. Shit, people get laid off of twitter nowadays so signing up for J-date.com seems almost regal. At this point in society, people are so used to communicating via the internet that it’s almost weird to hear about people building an organic relationship off of it.
So, yeah, you’re not special…but congrats and all that shit. I’m thinking you should use your story and get paid by being in one of those E-harmony commercials where that song “This will be…an everlasting love!” plays in the background.

Hey, Phat Friend,

Came by your thread–thanks for posting, and your so-very-blunt man-translations.

I need a translation:
Dude and I have been seeing each other for a little while (2 months) casually, but going quite well (i.e. developing slowly) and it’s not just a hook up. In talking with him one night he admits that he’s slept with someone else after we’ve started seeing each other. So I ask Dude, “so, is this what you want? just to casually date and see other people?” And Dude answers “yes, that’s what I want, for now…”

We chatted further, and I said “well, I’m eventually going to want more…” And Dude says “yes, me too.” And later in the conversation when I asked him what he ultimately wants, he replied that he wanted to be in love with one woman, for the rest of his life.

–I”m just giving you extra details so you have an idea of the tone of the convo. It was all very gingerly, open, and comfortable.

I know his phrase is just a different permutation of “I’m not ready for a relationship right now.” But it’s the ‘for now’ that I found odd. Most dudes who, in your words, would never consider seriously dating a girl would just likely answer “yes, that’s what I want” and leave it at that. Just wanted your thoughts on this.

Yeah, you’re not the one. Sorry. I don’t doubt he enjoys spending time with you and putting his penis inside you a few times a week but the fact his first reaction to your question “is this what you want?” was a resounding “yes”, well, there’s your answer. Anything he said after that was said to both soften the blow (I’m sure he read the reaction you had on your face when he said it, which I imagine was a mixture of a half smile and absolute soul drenching disgust) and to back peddle a little as to not interrupt what was going on at that very moment. I’d imagine, while he realizes you like him more than he likes you, he also doesn’t wanna ruin what you guys have going on. He likes you enough for that. Did I mention this guy is probably kind of an asshole? But, hey, at least he’s an honest asshole.
You know that book/movie “He’s just not that into you”? Yeah…This is that. Guys will have care free, non-commital sex as long as you allow them to. The second you tried to lock this dude down , I’d be willing to be large sums of money that he’d be gone from your life within two weeks.

Quick question: I’m newly single and back in the dating saddle. I’m now dating guys in their 30′s and 40′s. And we go on dates. I can’t for the life of me figure out how long to wait to have sex with someone I actually like. Assuming we are super hot for each other, how long do I have to play the good girl? I don’t want a guy thinking I fuck everyone. Also if he’s texting me every day does that change the timing? I am super interested in this one guy I met last week but I’m used to idiot 27 year olds. We have already gotten semi-naked but that was on the first date. Sigh. Maybe there were too many margaritas involved. He was super respectful but stayed over that night.(no oral just lots of making out) I have heard from him every day since. I’m just worried that after that first date it’s going to be difficult to slow it down a little. And I am worried he thinks I am a whore. HELP!! When can I bone this guy and not have him think I’m a slutola???? Ps should I let him win in words with friends?

This is a tough situation cause not every guy looks at sex early on as a bad thing. While i’d always tell girls to not fuck a dude the first time you hang out (assuming you’re in it for more than just sex), at the same time, once you reach a certain age, sex shouldn’t be such a big deal. I feel like when two people over the age of like 27 hook up, sex is assumed on some level. Maybe not right away, but soon. Holding out for three dates would be both respectable and a good way to measure if he’s in it for the sex or maybe for something more. But fucking him on the second date should not be overkill either. I suppose, a lot of it has to do with how you go about it. If you fuck him on the second date and are taking loads in the face like a champ , he might think you’re a bit of a whore. But if you bone him on a more civilized tip with hints of what’s to come if this continues, that’s probably a wiser move, where longevity is concerned.

As for the texting and all that…also a tough call. Are you familiar with “thirst”? This is when a dude is just hardcore hungry for what you got. He will do and say things that he might not normally say just cause he wants to hit it so bad. If you hooked up with him on the first date, got naked but didn’t let him put it in, this will make his desire to fuck you grow exponentially. So, a dude in that position who is texting every day could either be
A)Honestly interested in you and just being involved
OR
B)Keeping you in the loop so he can hit it as soon as possible because he is thirsting.
It’s really hard to know which one it is so good luck with that. On the bright side, you are dating older men so that’s a good thing as they tend to be more direct and honest about shit like that. If it’s on your mind, discuss it with them. At worst, you lose out on some meaningless sex with a guy who just wanted to have sex with you.

Personally, I think people who want to fuck should fuck each other. It’s really very simple. It’s unfortunate there is always going to be this cloud of “Am i slut if…” over girls heads but I say “fuck that bullshit”. You wanna have sex? Have sex. Just be sure you’re doing it cause you want to and not cause you think it will help you chances of landing this guy a a long term boyfriend. Understand that most men don’t look at sex the same way most women do. It’s not as an emotional act for us as it tends to be for you. We can do it with multiple people (or questionable hygiene) in a week without a single feeling of guilt or remorse. That’s not as easy for girls. But, if you feel like you’re not one of those types of girls? Take back the night and enjoy sex. There should be no shame in that.
Also, don’t ever let anyone beat you in Words with friends. That’s retarded.

I need some advice in the love department. Im 21 and never had a girlfirend so i dont know how it really works. I know this girl that really likes me. I can tell she does because whenever we talk she gets nervous and blushes. Plus a few of her friends hinted that she liked me. I want to approach her and im not scared to but i dont know what we would do together! I dont know what shes interested in because i really barely know her. So im not sure where to take her. Im kinda a boring person so i dont do much other then work 40 hrs a week and play alot of basketball. Any ideas on how i should handle this block? Thanks

Dating sucks. I mean actually going on dates. I feel like, in my entire life, I’ve been on like 5 proper dates (excluding “date nights” with girlfriends, in which I’ve done a billion times).
I could be reading into this wrong but I get the feeling you’re not so much the “go to the bar and get drunk” kinda guy cause, if you were, that would be the ideal “date”. Not only will the alcohol loosen you up a little, it also takes the pressure off of having to come up with some crazy night of elaborate plans. If the girl likes you, I’d think she’d just be happy to hang out with you period. Like I said earlier, I haven’t been on many dates but I sure as hell have gotten drunk with a lot of girls at bars. honestly, in my eyes, it’s the best cause it’s all about conversation. It opens up way more physical doors than a stuffy diner where you talk about each others cats or a movie where you sit in silence. Just don’t get too drunk…
But, like I said, I get the vibe that’s not your style. So, my best advice would be keep it simple. Dinner. Movie. Just hang out with her. You gotta get the ball rolling somehow and those two things are something most people can enjoy on some level. If I’m off and you are a person who enjoys a drink now and then, might I suggest the triple threat of “Dinner, movie, bar”? If not that, just do some lame activity together. What you gotta understand is that this “date” isn’t about what you do, it’s about spending time with the other person. You could go the Zoo on a date. You could take a walk by a fucking pond if you like. Bottom line, just ask her to do SOMETHING and then roll with it.

Tastemakers with shitty taste.

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Sometimes I feel like the world is backwards. Well, I should clarify that. Sometimes I feel like the music world is backwards. While I’m no longer the staunch purist I once was, there is still that tiny part of me that will see the “cool new thing” and think “but…this just kinda sucks…”. It’s as if it offends my sensibilities without even trying.
Lately, I’ll see a new video from whatever artist blogs are frothing at the mouth about and it will just kinda bum me out. I mean, people are gonna make the music they gonna make. I tend to blame the fans of bad shit before I’d blame the creators of said bad shit. Really, in 2013, we only have the tastemakers to blame.

As we’ve seen the likes of Riff Raff, Kitty Pride, and Kreayshawn do big things over the last few years, it’s as if the people who set the standards are misleading us.
I know plenty of people who work for blogs, write for magazines and cover music in general. For the most part, these are smart people who actually know about music and have reference points that can be applied to figuring out what makes something good and what makes something bad. You know, a critical ear. It’s similar from knowing the difference between right and wrong. While there is always going to be some grey areas, the basics are pretty simple.
Lately, even these people are willing to sit me down and explain why someone like Kitty Pride is actually awesome. I’ve had people try to sell me on her and why her musics good but they end up selling me everything BUT the music. They sell the idea of her as an artist. “She’s a young girl who just did it for fun…” That’s cool and all but, you know, if the music isn’t particularly good, there’s simply no angle you can spin it to make me think otherwise. I mean…jesus fucking christ…Can we just admit that she’s not good at what she does? And, again, I’m not blaming her. She’s doing what she wants to do. I’m sure she has no aspirations of being a great rapper and I’m sure she doesn’t care the slightest bit about what some over the hill rap fan thinks of her.
She’s just an example of something that is becoming a repeating cycle. Every few weeks, a new “thing” pops up. Sometimes they stick (ASAP Rocky is doing well, Lil B is obviously not going anywhere) and sometimes they flare out as quick as they appeared cause , when it was all said and done, they bought nothing to the table. This is how music has always worked on some level but now it’s done in stop motion speed.

I think part of the issue I take with tastemakers, outside of them even existing, is that a lot of the time they just seem like old people pandering to young people. A whole bunch of motherfuckers trying to hold on to their youth by cosigning what kids like but for a more hip audience. Perhaps they so steeped in irony they can no longer think critically. Who knows? These are the same people who grew up with the music that birthed the type of music that birthed the type of music that birthed the spin off of the music that birthed the type of music that got rearranged into the bastardization we see today. What I’m trying to say is that they know better. Some of the hip hop shit that bloggers hype up gives me the same feeling as if I saw that someone who used to write about the Beatles started hyping up Linkin Park. It simply doesn’t connect.

As a rap fan whose been into this since the 80’s, it’s sometimes hard to separate myself from judging things how I used to. I’ve learned to appreciate things I might have shunned ten years ago. Part of that is simply caring less and not taking music so seriously (I actually highly recommend this to all of you out there). For example, ASAP Rocky is a rapper who, while I don’t love , I get it. He’s got something. An intangible quality that makes his music listenable. Riff Raff, while a total joke, is at least interesting. He’s basically a living , breathing internet troll in music form. I can appreciate that. I’m not about to bump his mixtapes but I’m also not sitting around stewing over his success.
But there is a line. A line that gets crossed all the time. And why, you may ask?
I may not be the right guy to say this but , lately, I’ve been feeling like white people are just getting a little TOO comfortable. Be it the artists themselves or the people who try and dictate what’s the fresh new thing. I just imagine some white dork leaning back in his chair , with a cigar in his dorky mouth thinking “Now is MY time”. There was a time when there were repercussions for being wack. You’d get dissed. You’d get made fun of. Now, it’s as if people will overlook the meal and just focus on why the chef cooked it.
I see videos like this:

I know nothing about this dude. He could be a great guy. But, come the fuck on…I realize the model of hip hop as I know it is dead. That’s fine. I think there is still good music being made on a regular basis. But this is simply not okay. Now, luckily for us, this guy isn’t exactly “the next big thing”. He’s just a dude who made a song that I don’t like. That’s fine. I wish him the best. The fact of the matter is, while this song is easily as good/bad as tons of shit championed by tastemakers, he simply doesn’t fit the criteria. But then you got shit like this dropping and I get nervous:

Now, I’m not a dude whose on all the blogs so I don’t know if this is a “thing” yet. But I feel like it’s only a matter of time. They are the rap equivalent to TaTu. At least that seems to be how they’re angling themselves. Truth be told, the rapper isn’t even bad (well…she’s not great but she can at least kinda flow). Compared to Kitty Pride, she’s fucking Rakim. But still…it just feels like any heat behind this kinda thing is so obviously based on them being who they are (attractive girls of a questionable age that rap about cute girly shit and dress a certain way) as opposed to the actual music. I think this issue I have all comes down to me thinking “Okay, i get it…but who really listens to this?” Like, who is sitting in their car bumping a song like this when they are alone? I feel that way about a lot of music but that feeling is even more intensified when it comes to flavor of the month blogger darlings. I almost feel like no one really listens to it…they just say they do. Maybe I’m being naive and short sighted about it (after all, I’m not exactly cued into what the kids are loving nowadays) but still…
I don’t know who assigned who to be tastemakers. I don’t know who took formerly keen critics of music and forced them to dumb down their standards to pander to a growingly stupid fan base but all I want to say is: Do Better. You guys are better than this. I know in my heart of hearts that you’re not so far gone that you can no longer see things for what they are. Please…you’ve got a strange type of power. There is no shortage of actual good music. Please apply this power towards that and let these flash in the pan jokey musicians turned internet celebrities just fizzle as they should. Please. I beg of you.
That is all.

Oh, and as an aside, I’d like to give props to this dude Anthony Fantano who runs http://theneedledrop.com/. He’s never reviewed anything I’ve worked on (as far as I know) so this isn’t biased like that…but he is what a critic/tastemaker should be. He’s thoughtful, slightly over analytical, honest and passionate about music. I may not agree with everything he loves and hates but , even when that’s the case, he at least makes a strong case for his point. Go peep his reviews. He the model in which todays internet music nerds should be built from.

Shows are coming!

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Hello all. This is that thing where I tell you where I will be performing in the near future. Since new things pop up here and there, I’ll be adding new shows to this post as they come. As of now, there aren’t tons but let’s just set this shit off…

5/03/13 Portland, OR @ Holocene

5/04/13 Seattle WA @ NEctar Lounge

5/5/13 San Francisco CA @Broadway Studios

6/7/13 Knoxville , TN @ NV nightclub

6/8/13 Atlanta , GA @ Terminal West at King Plow

7/11/13 San Francisco , Ca @ Mighty

7/12/13 Lightening in a bottle Festival Temecula, CA

More dates to come!