Yay or Nay? Milo

So, last week, When I was writing my normal “Music and stuff” column for SYFFL.Com , my partner in that column, Tim AKA Alaska, posted a video by a new rapper named Milo. He’s down with the West Coast crew Hellfyre Club. My initial reaction was that it was interesting but not really up my alley. Since then, I’ve peeped a few more things of his and, while I’m not in love with the music, I’m definitely intrigued by it. This is one of those cases where I’m genuinely curious to see what you think (where as typically, this “yay or nay” column is me posting music with an agenda to , hopefully make you like some new shit I’m bumping).
Also, I figure Milo would be a funny follow up to last weeks Buze Brovas entry.
So, thoughts on Milo? Yay or Nay?

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 23

The Doctor is in! It’s been a few weeks and a few of you need some much needed and wildly inappropriate advice. As always, I’m not a doctor but i do play one when I write this blog (currently, in my bed, under my covers, wearing nothing but boxer briefs in a room illuminated only by my computer screen). If you have love issues, relationship woes, or basic questions of the heart, I’m your guy!
Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail or leave them in the comments below. I’m here to help. I swear. I may be a little snarky but I won’t bullshit you. No matter how stupid your problems are.
Anyway, on with the main course.

I’ve been friends with this chick for years now, and she is an absolute freak. We got real drunk one night and after discussing ‘where we stood’ (i.e. strictly just friends), we fucked. I slept with her a few more times and we had a sweet deal. I could call her at anytime and she’d be down to fuck. But after that but a few months later she started dating this other dude. They’ve been dating for a little over a year now and she admitted to me the other week that she hasn’t climaxed since she had slept with me. She has also told me she has had dreams about fucking me then going back to her boyfriend and everything working out perfectly. On top of all this she has this habit of sending me text messages with obvious sexual undertones. My confusion is, I know what shes like with the dudes she dates, and although she seems like a complete slut she has never cheated on any of her boyfriends and has had many opportunities to do so (especially while intoxicated). My question is, what the fuck do you think she is trying to achieve and should I make a move on her? I get that she is really sexually frustrated but I always seem to be the first to know about it.. is she down to fuck again or is she just playing games?

There are two questions here: “What kind of person are you?” and “Is she trying to fuck again?”.
I’ll start with the latter. I can’t say for sure she’s trying to fuck. At least not flagrantly. If she wanted to, she would have. Once the seal is broen repeatedly with sexual partners, it’s never hard to open the bottle again. However, I don’t discount the idea that she’s teetering between the ideas of cheating with you and staying faithful. She could very well be putting these vibes out there as bait, hoping you’ll make the first move so she’ll feel less guilty about the whole thing. It’s either that, or she’s just being flirty and people in relationships love complaining about their relationships.
That leads us to the original question “What kind of person are you?”.
Do you give a shit about her relationship/boyfriend? Do you give a shit about the concept of interfering in other peoples lives on that level? I’m not asking these sarcastically. Plenty of people do not give a shit. While it’s certainly a selfish way of being , it’s also one of those “That’s their problem” kinda dilemmas. I’m assuming you and her man are not buddies. You are her friend. So your loyalty lies 100% with her. So, technically, you could bone her , which would lead to her eventual break up with her man and that would be that. Basically, all this depends on what kinda guy you are. The kind who would do that kinda thing, or a guy who does not.
If you are a guy who would do that kinda thing (no judgement coming from here, btw) just prepare for all the consequences that could come from it. Whether that be her BF’s fists in your face, the girl admitting she has strong feelings for you or a myriad of other shitty things you probably want nothing to do with. Just know you’d be opening yourself up for all that just so you could bust a nut in someone who you’ve already fucked a bunch of times. I dunno , bro. It’s really on you.

Hey tony,

So basically I’ve just moved over seas with my girlfriend and I’m living with her and her family. Now there’s absolutely no complaints with anything because I’m employed by her dad to look after her autistic brother which includes, taking him to the gym/pool/spa/sauna, going into the city to have lunch then just do whatever, I get free rent and food and have my own granny flat and get 200 pounds a week ontop of this. Now here’s the part where I sound like a selfish prick. Under the house there’s a massive, but fucking creepy, basement that isn’t used. It hasn’t been used in a good 40 years and upon seeing this I have an urge to grow some marijuana. When I say this I just want to grow a single plant then be done with it, probably won’t even smoke it, just have a desire to do it.

Should I even think about this? Like is it just being disrespectful to my beautiful girlfriend and her family and what they’ve given me. Because I know I wouldn’t get caught, cause well yeh you just have to see the place, but morally I’m not sure how I should feel.

I don’t see the point. You don’t wanna smoke it so basically you’d be doing it just to prove to yourself you can do it? That’s pretty retarded. Not to mention, doesn’t pot need sun to grow? So , you’d be buying tons of hydroponic equipment just to grow a single plant of weed? Come on bro…You’re in a good situation. If you were a former drug lord with a gambling problem or a complete pothead I’d understand at least why this was something you’d want to do but , as it stands, you just seems like a normal dude. The risk/reward doesn’t even begin to match up. My advice: if you’re so set on making that basement into something, every man needs a masturbation dungeon. Well, not really but it sounds pretty intense. Look into that.

Last year I became involved with this guy, I liked him, he liked me and we rushed things and became “bf & gf”. He was too much and swore he loved me after a couple of days which made me feel uncomfortable. From my perspective it was a crush but from his it was “love”. (we hadn’t even kissed or held hands) It felt too weird for me, kinda scared me off so I broke up with him after a week. After that he’d text me all day, non-stop, call me, just trying to get a hold of me. I got extremely annoyed with him, eventually ended up telling him off. Things got ugly, I said some really mean stuff. He left me alone for a while. A few months later we started talking again. We’d hang out and just talk. After some time I eventually I ended up kissing him. (that’s all we ever did). Things were cool but everytime we talked, he’d always bring up our one week “relationship” and ask why I broke up with him, why I lead him on.. Which I did. I’ll admit that. I fucked up. I know. Eventually we stopped talking again. He’d always call, text. I ignored it for a while. I don’t know why but I would always try to be nice and try to maintain a friendship with him. And that always ended up with him bringing up the past, and me telling him off. I stopped talking to him for a good while. I had not spoken to him in over a year, and he called me today. He called like 10 times. I eventually answered. We spoke for about an hour and as always he brings up the past. The conversation got really weird and awkward. He told me he still loves me and that he’s never going to forget me. In my head I was like (here we go again).. He asked me if I had feelings for him, I said no and he hung up. Then he called me back like 4/5 times. I didn’t answer. So I wrote this. So Blockhead what the fuck do I do? I don’t have feelings for him. I’ve ignored him but somehow always give in and try to be nice…always try to keep it cool with him cause I feel guilty for leading him on but that never ends well. Help me Blockhead!

Print this letter out so when the police find your dismembered body, they’ll know exactly who did it.
This dude is not well. Anyone who rushes into “love” like that has serious problems. Sure, they could be small things like insecurity and abandonment issues from that past but they could also speak of much darker psychological problems that you want no part of. Like I always remind people, I’m not a real doctor. I’m a college dropout. But even I know when you’re dealing with someone who is clearly unstable.
From the sound of things, he’s delusional, doesn’t let anything go and it extremely impulsive. Whenever someone is prone to calling people over and over and over and over, that’s them being a fucking crazy person. I did that once when i was in a dark place with this girl and I remember , when the night ended I stopped myself and thought “Holy shit…you were just that ‘calling all day’ guy!” and I never did it again. The fact that it seems like this is repeated behavior by this guy is telling of his mental state.
Luckily for you, it sounds as he’s not really a danger to you.So that’s good. No restraining order needed quite yet. He may be a danger to himself but I really don’t know him (at all) to honestly be speculating that. All I do know is that you need to never pick up his phone calls again. He’ll eventually go away. The fact this is all happening without sex being involved is even crazier. You must be a really amazing person…or he’s a total lunatic. So, good luck with all that.

Would you say that a guy who sometimes seems a little vacant , as in not very engaged in the present moment or seemingly indifferent to his girls presence, and would rather go sleep at his (dirty) house all the time instead of staying at his girlfriends house whom he says he loves.. is normal? Or do guys say they love a girl when they’re really not that into her or getting tired of her? Or is it normal for a guy to act vacant and indifferent when he really loves her?

There are different levels of indifferent. As a guy who has been called that my entire life by women, I can attest to that. The sleeping at home thing might just be a comfort thing. He likes his own bed. He wants to fart all night. He wants privacy. Also, how often is this happening? Do you try to spend every night with him or is he simply trying to retain some privacy/independence a few nights a week?
The tricky thing about gauging indifference is that , for some dudes, it’s not a natural way of being. Sometimes it means they really are disinterested in the girl they’re with. Other times it means they’re fucking someone else. However, to the real indifferent motherfuckers, that just a way of being. They (we) simply are not as invested in being emotional about things. That doesn’t mean they don’t care and don’t love you, it just means it doesn’t overwhelm them. Not even close.
IS it possible you’re clingier than you realize and it’s making him wanna be alone sometimes? You wouldn’t be the first clingy girlfriend.
On a side note, discussing how men use the power of saying “I love you”, you can only put so much weight into that. After a while of saying that phrase, it begins to lose meaning. Men are certainly not above just saying it to make the girl happy. Often, it will save him from having a annoying emotional conversation he doesn’t feel like having. So, if you’re basing any of this of the fact he has , at some point, told you he loved you, stop that. This needs to be approached more at face value. Is he not into you? Is he cheating? or is emotionless drone just his personality?
Figure that out, with the whole “I love you” angle removed, and you will see what you’re working with.

Demo Reviews Vol. 19

Yo yo! A new edition of Demo Reviews! I’m up in europe writing these reviews so perhaps, this week comes to you with a subtle touch of class that the column normally might be missing.
In case you’re unaware of what this is, I have people who read this blog send me their demos and I give them honest reviews. Keep in kind, no ones arm was twisted, They wanted my feedback.
So, because of that, no butthurtedness allowed. By now people should know that , in general, i’m not easily impressed/have very particular taste so, if I give you a five out of 10, That’s actually not that bad.
I do brief write ups of the tracks and then rate them on a scale of 1-10 in these categories:




And for those curious, I’m not accepting demo submissions at the moment. I have enough to last me well into the summer so please don’t send me any. When i need them, I’ll let you know.

Anyway, let’s check out this weeks batch of tracks, shall we?

This sounds like a good album intro track. Like this would set it off nicely. The sample layering well done. My only issue is that the drums don’t match the intensity of the rest of the beat. It would be way more effective with some booming break or heavy low end behind it.
5 out of 10
5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: D.C.
Song: Damn

This would have been really dope in like 98. The beat is a nice chopped jazzy loop and the rapping is solid for sure but it’s something that’s been done many times. The rapper actually reminds me of a more skilled version of someone who would be in “The arsonists”. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsEcac4jsQY
That said, it’s certainly very listenable and it’s got a nice mood to it. It’s nothing if not inoffensive.
4.5 out of 10
5 out of 10
5.5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Muenster

Trying to figure out this dudes accent. i don’t think he’s european and he’s definitely speaking english but i barely understand most of the words he’s saying. His voice is actually decent. Just needs to maybe tone the vocal inflection down a little so some clarity can be attained. The beat is fine. Not great but also not bad. Also, I’d change the rap name if I were him cause no one takes european cheese sounding names seriously. It sounds more like a name that a trance dj would have.
4 out 10
4 out of 10
4.5 out of 10
Originality:3.5 out of 10

Artist:Skeleton Zoo
Song: Devil’s Lettuce

The devil’s lettuce is weed, right? Totally brooooooooo. This is is actually pretty cool and interesting. It’s got a zaniness to it that i can definitely appreciate. It’s like a deranged circus. In fact, I kinda like this one. It’s rare i get something that I’d consider “original” but this is certainly that (at least to me)
6 out of 10
6 out of 10
Originality:6.5 out of 10

Artist: ZeRO
song:Scenery Minipulation

From the jump, I can tell by the drums that there is a certain level of amateurishness to this. They just sound like stock sounds and my advice to budding producers would be to figure out your drums first. They’re the backbone of everything. i sure as hell wish I had done that cause then i wouldn’t cringe at some of the shitty snares i used in my older music. Aside from the drums, this is pretty run of the mill atmospheric background music. Not terrible but i don’t really understand the purpose of stuff like this sometimes.
3.5 out of 10
4 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Venson Dix
Song: Bics for swords

This falls into a category that a lot of the rap I get does. It’s not bad but nothing at all special. Dude is a decent rapper but nothing separates him from 90% of dudes at open mikes or kicking shit in cyphers. I don’t really have an opinion on the beat.It’s one of those tracks that is as good as the rapper on it. So, in a sense, that’s not a bad thing I suppose.
Production:4 out of 10

4 out of 10
4 out of 10
Originality:3.5 out of 10

Artist: Tab and Anitek
Song: ToynBee

This is one of those “everything but the kitchen sink” kinda tracks. It’s got beats, singing, rhyming, scratching and live violin (it could be a sample too. I’m not sure)! It’s totally fine. The rapper/singer doesn’t really excel at either but he’s capable enough to not sounds like a novice. It’s a song that you can tell had a lot of thought and idea put into it but it’s just trying to cover too many bases.
4.5 out of 10
3.5 out of 10
4 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist:Clive Malone
Song:Skipper Limo Man

At first i thought this was possibly the worst mixed song I’ve ever received but I think that was on purpose, judging from how the song progresses. This is pretty cool. Definitely hear a strong Prefuse 73 influence. It’s a song that evolves nicely but also doesn’t go anywhere at the same time. Well made, interesting work with chopped sounds. Definitely shows some potential.
4.5 out of 10
5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Eastlake
Song: Fire alarm

This is kind of a mess. okay, maybe not a mess but it sounds like it was made by someone with the attention span a gnat. This can sometimes work but, in this case, it just seems like it’s jumping from part to part with no rhyme or reason behind it. i’d say it was showboating but that would make it sound like I was insinuating that something impressive was happening. And that, i am not doing.
2.5 out of 10
2.3 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: George Peterson
Song: Glaciers Anthem

You know, I’m a man who made comedy rap at some point. It’s not easy to pull it off. In fact, it remains to be seen if I did or not. Anyway, this is kinda comedy rap and it’s pretty bad. On all levels. Bad rapping, bad beat. Not particularly funny. Thing is, i know what’s going on here. These are just some dudes having fun so I can’t really knock them for it. Clearly they’re not taking themselves or process seriously at all. That’s kinda the most fun thing about making music. But still, no one who’s not involved in making this kinda thing ever needs to hear it.
1.5 out of 10
2 out of 10
2 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Which demo is you favorite?!??!?

Answers for questions vol. 128

Hello Everyone. I’m writing this from a bed in Vienna right now. It’s who they fuck knows O’clock right now in the US as i tend to lose track of time when ever I’m overseas. Anyway, being the reliable man I am, I’m not gonna let a little week long tour in europe stop the me from writing my stupid fucking blog. I may miss a day this week…Or not. Really depends on the internet connections in Slovakia, Slovenia and Romania. But, for today, I come with the regularly scheduled program of answers for questions. As always, if you’d like to ask me anything, I’m an open book. Leave questions in the comment section or email them to me at Phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Both those methods work perfectly.
Anyway, I’m gearing up for a full day of eating great viennese food (schnitzel and sausage like WOAH) so here are todays answers for questions….

I understand the correlation between the title of your blog and the header picture but is there an interesting story behind why you chose the title ‘Phatfriend’ besides just liking the picture so much? 

The picture came waaaaaaay after the blog name. I had been sitting on the name for a while. I just always liked the idea of taking the term “fat friend” and rappifying it. Initially, I thought “Phat friend” would be a great band name or even just a song title but it was too silly for anything I’d ever put out (which is saying a lot considering the silly ass song titles I’ve chosen in the past). When I decided to make this blog, it was a no brainer for me. This blog is mostly me being stupid and the tagline “Sweeping generalizations and unicorns” was too long for a blog name. So, it would only be right for me to have a name that sets the stage for something a little more light hearted than someone who only knows me through my music might expect. Cause , after all, I am your Phat friend. Then I found the picture through a random google search and it was like the star aligning. Shit was magical and musical, dun.

from what I gather a large part of the artists you have worked with you’ve formed a personal relationship with beforehand. Has there been anyone in your career you didn’t know before giving them a beat, and possibly even excited to work with before you became good friends?

It’s rare that I’ve worked with anyone out of the blue. In most cases, it’s been people I knew fairly well or people I sought out to work with. Cage is probably the only guy I worked with who I was a fan first. I was a huge Cage fan from the 90’s so when I got to do some beats on “Hell’s winter”, that was pretty exciting.
On the other side of things, both Lo deck and despot approached me for beats and I had no idea who they were. But, after meeting them and seeing what they were about, I ended up working with both of them a decent amount and becoming friends with them. That kinda thing is way more likely than me working with some super star who all of a sudden becomes my close buddy.

Say one day you woke up, felt like you needed a break from your surroundings, home, family, friends and you just decide to run off to another place, hitchhiking kind of.. What would be some things you’d take with you?

Honestly, my laptop and my iPod. Well…and my clothes. I’d hate to be one of those hobo motherfuckers who stinks all the time and wears the same frayed up pants for a year straight.
That said, I wouldn’t ever do some shit like that. It’s way out of character for me as I’m not a person who’s typically overwhelmed or emo about anything. Also, I love my amenities. Skipping town to live the life of drifter, for me, would become basically a hopscotch from starbucks to starbucks to find a good wireless connections. Fuck that shit.

given the age you are (and I am right behind you so not an insult) whenever you and your girl go to family functions do you get hounded about getting married and having kids?

Shockingly no. My mom will make little comments here and there but she’s not one for pressuring me over shit like that (even though i know, deep down, she wants a grandchild immediately). My girls parents , I’d guess, are maybe more antsy about it (I honestly wouldn’t know, I don’t speak to them like that) but they’ve never said anything to me about it. Luckily for me, my girl has an older brother who has a fairly new kid so that most likely took some heat off of me.
I’m at a weird age where I either should have a kid or I should be gearing up towards a kid but, to be honest, I can’t say I’m exactly dying to do that right now. I enjoy my freedom too much and my job involves tons of traveling. A kid would certainly change that. Also, babies , when they’re not being cute, are kind of disgusting.

I’ve noticed lately (on twitter) that a lot of guys talk about girls with “daddy issues” Things like “if you have daddy issues hit me up” stuff like that along the line.. What do they mean by that? What is about girls with daddy issues that’s attractive? Or even a good thing? Have you had any experiences with girls like that?

Fitting follow up to the previous question.
Umm…daddy issues are everywhere. They can range anywhere from a girl who’s too obsessed with her dad to a girl who hates her dad to a girl who was abandoned by her dad to a girl who had sex with her dad. Basically, anything that may occur between a father and daughter that eventually results in the girl acting a certain way (either negatively or sexually). Like, I’d say most porn stars most likely have daddy issues. I’m not a doctor and have done no research on that, but that’s an assumption I’m willing to stand by.
The fact of the matter is that most girls do have daddy issues in some way. How could they not? Surely their dads have played a significant roll in their lives. I bet most guys have mommy issues as well. But , typically, when someone is being referred to as a person with “Daddy issues” they usually just me “oh, she’s crazy” or “oh, she’s a slut”.
Why do some men find this attractive? Perhaps cause a lot of guys are deeply into crazy sluts. A lot of those types of girls are willing to do some crazy shit sexually or they’re lunacy is attractive to guys who like trouble. I find guys who specifically go after girls like this to be kinda low lives….It’s seeking out damaged goods so you can take advantage of them.
Have I experienced girls like this? Of course. Any guy who has been single and sexually active for any amount of time has. I’ve always been repelled by them though so I can’t say I’ve even been in a relationship with a girl who’s daddy issues were above average. I’ve sure as hell boned a few though and, while they were an experience, I can’t say i miss them.

Who is your favorite current and past NBA player and which one-five (past or present) players would you let Methodman torture and why?

Player #1)
I’ll fucking tie you to a fucking bedpost with your ass cheeks spread out and shit. Put a hanger on a fucking stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour. Take it off and stick it in your ass slow like Tssssssss.

Player #2)
Yeah I’ll fucking lay your nuts on a fucking dresser. Just your nuts laying on a fucking dresser. And bang them shits with a spiked fucking bat. Oh. What’s up? BLOW!

Player #3)
I’ll fucking pull your fucking tongue out your fucking mouth and stab the shit with a rusty screwdriver, BLOW!

Player #4)
I’ll fucking hang you by your fucking dick off a fucking twelve story building out this motherfucker.

Player #5)
I’ll fucking sew your asshole closed, and keep feedin you and feedin you, and feedin you, and feedin you.
Not that you would actually want Methodman’s imagination running wild in real life. 

This question makes very little sense but I’ll play along.
My favorite basketball player of all time is Dominique Wilkins. Currently, it’s hard to gauge cause I play fantasy basketball so it skews my opinion of players. I do think kyrie irving and James harden are the two most exciting players to watch though. now as for this retarded method man angle…I’d let Chris “The Birdman” Anderson so all of these cause I feel like he’d do each with one the proper amount of zeal.

Yay or Nay: Da Buze Brovas

This is kind of a test. I know my readership. You guys , for the most part, are not into aggressive rappers. I remember when I posted a Gunplay song as a “song of the day” a while back, the reaction was mostly negative. I mean, shit, it makes sense. You’re here via me and I’m not exactly making murder muzic. Still, while I may not make Murder muzic, I’m sometimes a fan of it.
Allow me to introduce you to Da Buze Brovas. Two actual brothers from Philly. They are the definition of a local act in the sense that it’s highly unlikely many people outside of Philly has peeped them. While they do put videos on youtube, the don’t have any music available online. Instead, they opt to burn cd’s and sell them at local bodegas. Yes, this is that kinda shit. The term “street shit” gets thrown around in rap but this is that at it’s purest form. Two dudes making music for the fuck of it with no cares of whether or not you ever hear it. It’s actually kinda beautiful.
Anyway, my dude Marq Spekt is down with these guys and put me on. He showed me a few of their videos and I was immediately intrigued. I’m kinda assuming I know what your reaction will be but, hey, I’ve been wrong before. Just be clear: This is some hardcore Philly street shit. If you’re coming into this expecting anything else, don’t even bother listening. So, tell me, Da Buze Brovas- Yay or Nay?

Blockhead: The Rapper

Before I ever made a beat, I rapped. Around 7th/8th grade (I was 12 at the time), I started writing little raps. Obviously, they were atrocious but it was something I eventually fell deeply into. As my obsession with rap grew, so did my books of rhymes. In my early teens, I would write page long verses (that’s how I knew the verse was done) on random looseleaf sheets of paper. I had a drawer by my bed filled with these rhymes. None of them meant more to me than the others. They were simply a collection. Around 14, I started hanging out with an older dude (pause) who was an aspiring rapper. He worked at this nearby toy store and he and I would exchange tapes. I’d record Stretch and Bobbito’s radio show and make him dubs while he’d put me on to whatever new albums were hot in the streets. Like I said, he was an aspiring rapper. While I was never particularly good at any facet of rapping, the one thing I could do was write a punchline. That was my style. I was like an overly complicated Lord finesse (in my mind). So, every now and then, I’d write some lines for my older rapping friend. I’d also occasionally give him samples to make beats from before I knew how to make a beat. This thin version of “Ghost Writing” was my introduction into rapping.

For all the rhymes I had written, I hadn’t recorded anything. I had barely practiced the rhymes. It was more of a situation where I’d write the verse and forget about it. When I was 16, that changed as I met a group of dudes who’d I eventually form a “group” with. These were three guys from downtown Manhattan like myself who were also obsessed with hip hop on an embarrassing level. Once I chilled with them and our similar obsessions were established, they told me that they rent studios out and freestyle over live instruments. They all played instruments so they would basically just bring a bass, a guitar and some drums to a studio space and fuck around. The invited me to come rhyme with them and ,from there, we eventually formed a group we called “The Overground”. It was me, Dub-L (he produced the majority of Aesop’s “Music for earthworms”) , Jer (the other half of Party Fun action Committee with me as well as currently “Sir Jarlsberg”) and Niles AKA Mr. Roper (who made the wise choice of quitting this music shit a long time ago). We were four white dorks from downtown manhattan who kinda saw ourselves as a white, east coast Souls of Mischief which, in hindsight, is fucking hilariously bold on our parts. Here’s some caricatures of us from that time drawn by Niles AKA Mr. Roper AKA “And Friend”-

We made our 5 song first demo in my moms basement on a shitty 4 track over terrible homemade beats using the cheapest of synth sounds we could find and Dr. Sample drum machine. It was one of those things that, when we finished it, we were super proud of it. So proud, that upon seeing Bobitto at a bar one night, Dub-L handed out first demo to him with no fear. Here’s the thing though…it was literally some of the worst rap music ever made. Aside from the sloppy tracks, it was a chorus of four horrible voiced white dudes rapping off beat about their dicks. It’s one of those things I can’t even bring myself to listen to this very day. I don’t even have a digital copy of it and I’m glad cause I’d feel like I’d have to post a song up just to give you an idea of how bad it really was. I’ve often just imagined what Bobitto must have thought on the off chance he actually listened to that cassette. Did he share with his friends and laugh endlessly or did he simply just roll his eyes and toss it int he garbage. I hope it was the latter.

That first demo was a learning experience. After the glow of simply recording something wore off, it became clear to us that we needed to improve. We tinkered a bit and stated working on an official album. The title of that album ,”Downtown Bound”, was as corny as it sounds. However, by the time we had done it, we had tightened things up a little. Let’s not front…we still sucked but at least we had improved marginally. Dub-L had taken to making beats on fruity loops and it definitely helped out sonic direction greatly. It also didn’t hurt that we had our Boy Chase Phoenix join us on some tracks. He was a far more polished mc than any of us so I’d like to think he saved a few joints from being completely unlistenable.
In fact, here are some of his demo’s from the mid 90’s…definitely a slept on talent:
We finished the album and sold it online before the internet (with the help of longtime friend Stinke yameen) really was the internet. At this point it was 96. I forget where we promoted it but i do recall most of our orders coming from the Philippines. No clue about that. Overall, we sold maybe 100 of them. This prospect scares the shit out of me cause that means there are like 100 people out there who could upload this album online. In fact, on the off chance, I googled it and came across this…

It’s actually a fitting example of what we were doing. Rapping for the sake of rapping. Judge it with a grain of salt…after all, this is some mid 90’s shit.
Keep in mind, we did shows regularly. We’d have shows at this spot called “The Spiral” on East Houston Street that, at best, would be attended by like 30 people. Over the years of doing shows, somehow real rappers would often show up and rock with us. Dudes like Percee P and Tess One were fairly regular. Hell, one time, the Souls Of Mischief own Opio was at a show. David Blaine too. All that said, the shows were typically 3 or 4 of us on stage, standing in one spot, simply struggling to remember our verses in front of about 11 people who could care less. Ahh…those were the days.

After that, the group continued making songs but kinda went in different directions. I started making beats and Dub-l got signed to Sm(le records with his group “The controls”. But more than anything, we met Aesop. He might not even realize it but he was really the game changer in why I don’t rap anymore (which is a good thing). He was the first dude I had met who could REALLY rap. He could freestyle, he could write and his flow and voice were on some seriously next level shit. I think his emergence humbled all of us in a way but it was also just exciting to be around a talent like that. Between 97-99, I still rapped but much less than I did before. I started focusing on beats. Jer and I would occasionally make silly songs for fun that would eventually become the foundation for our “Party fun action Committee” album. In fact, as the recording of songs slowed down, we more focused on just freestyling. We’d record those too but through a boombox mic. To this day, those tapes are easily the peak of anything rap related I’ve ever done. They were silly, offensive and we were high as fuck all the time while doing them. I’d never subject a stranger to any of them but they’re the basis of endless inside jokes that still live to this day amongst the people involved.

So, I say all of this as a means to post these songs. There are all old demos featuring yours truly on the mic. Am I proud of them ? God no. But, in a way, this a nice way to silence anyone asking me “Why don’t you rap anymore?”.
Here’s a handfull of songs with some descriptions. All the beats are by me as well so this might give you a funny insight of what some of my earliest beats sounded like.
This is me at my rappiest. Normally, my songs were all just stupid punchlines and me attempting to flow in ways I was incapable. This was me just “going in” as much as i could. Keep in mind, this was made during the heyday or the shiny suit era. To underground purist assholes like myself, that was a huge issue. I’d imagine this song is a reaction to that whole thing.
Side note, I’ll never understand why I choose this beat as my solo song track. It sucks but, more so than that, it’s not like anything else i used to make back then. I’d just guess that I was listening to a lot of Company Flow and this ws my awful attempt at that.
2)Dutch (With Chase Phoenix)
This is a fun song. We did it in my basement on a whim. It was also the first time I used the “Kartlingdedor” kool keith sample I would eventually use on “Carnivores Unite”. This verse of mine was way more indicative of what I did as a rapper. Sloppily delivered punchlines served in a not-so-serious manner.
3)Chin Music
This one has a story to it. In 1999, I had planned to make a compilation album with various rappers rocking over my beats. I had an aesop song, an illogic song and a slug song. Sadly that’s all I could muster. So, as a last ditch effort to be a rapper, I made a song under a pseudonym “Beetlejuice”. The idea was that I’d throw this on the album and people would be like “who the fuck is that?”. I purposely used a different voice that ended up sounding like a wacker white Rock from Heltah Skeltah. Since the album never happened, I was left with this little mess of a song. One looooooong verse. I still contend this has a few awesome lines in it but the voice change is one of the more embarrassing things I’ve ever recorded.
4)Subtle Touches (Feat. Mr Roper)
This is one of the earliest songs where I rapped over my own beats. This must have been around 95/96. This one is pretty bad on all fronts. Still, that piano loop though…
5)Really Real- Da Dunz (Party fun action Committee Feat. Aesop)
This was made one night at my crib when Jer , aesop and I got inspired to make fun of thug rappers. I forget what spawned it but i do recall us leaving where ever we were to come home a make this song. This was in an era where everyone called each other “Dun” and Queensbridge thuggery was at an all time high. I’d guess it was 97 when we did this one. So, yeah, it’s kind alike a weird mixture of MOP, other screaming thugs and Aesop sounding almost identically to John Forte. This one was 100% a joke that, due to the changing times, may not have held up too well. Oh well. We had fun.

So, yeah, that’s me rapping. Now, please never ask me about it ever again.

Answers for questions Vol. 127

What up everyone. I hope you’re all recovering well from being Irish yesterday.
I’m heading to europe later this week so , if you live there, peep some of these tour dates and , who knows, maybe I’m playing near you: Upcoming Shows! There are also some west coast, east coast and colorado shows listed there too so check it out.
Anywaaaaaay, this is that thing where you send me questions and I answer them. If you’d like to contribute, send me your questions. Email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Do it.
Okay, let’s see what we got this week.

do you remember the first time you felt old? and how do feel about ageing now?

Life after 30 feels like a bunch of constant small reminders that you’re running on borrowed time. I’m not trying to be grandiose about this and pretend I’m constantly feeling like death is near, cause that’s not what I mean. I’m saying that there is rarely that one defining “Oh shit, I’m old” moment. It’s more a series of “hmmm…I’m not as young as I used to be…” moments until it dawns on you that , yes, you are in fact, no longer a teenager in your early 30’s.
Since I can’t pin down one specific occurrence , what I can do is list those little things that are normally tips
1) Being sore all the time. I don’t mean like arthritis.
I mean just a general soreness. It goes hand in hand with exercise so lazy sacks of shit out there might not relate to this one.
2)Hangovers get way worse
3)Minor injuries linger
4)Being in a bar filled with people in their early 20’s feels wrong
5)paying taxes on time
6)you sleep a lot less
7)Dairy starts to fuck with you more. In fact, random foods in general that you’ve always eaten without consequence start to react differently when placed inside your old ass body.
8)watching what you eat becomes a high priority.
This one’s important cause, for many, I feel like embracing adulthood and getting older goes hand in hand with accepting you can’t eat like a kid anymore. Never in my life did I ever imagine I’d be at a fucking health food store checking the calories on a package of dried mango but, hey, here we are.
9)you care less about everything. The emotional spectrum one has shrinks from it’s former “Outrage-Joy” to “Meh-it’s okay”.

Aging is one of those things you have to accept cause there is no way to “beat” it. It’s not like you’re gonna live forever. The best you can do is try to make the descent into full blown old as easy as possible. Take care of yourself. If you’re in you’re late 30’s , eating Mcdonalds every day, drinking 5 times and week and never exercising, that’s all gonna come fuck you in the ass down the line. But, then again, healthy people get cancer all the time so who knows?
Bottom line, getting old sucks. More than anything because , as you get older, your mind gets sharper and your body falls apart. So, it’s frustrating to never have them both on the same wavelength. I spend a small portion of any given day thinking “If i knew then what i knew now…but still was me back then…”

Here’s a few questions for answers, admittedly the last one is kinda lame by comparison, but maybe you’ve got some wisdom into the magic that is cheese. (also, clearly i’m not looking for some wikipedia type knowledge on the history of the hotdog or milk, just for you to rewrite history as you think it went down):

“Was the dude who made the first Hotdog also the first one to try a Hotdog, or did he make somebody else take that first bite?”

I like to imagine the first person who made a hot dog (or a “sausage” if you’re fancy) shared it with his/her best friend. They both started eating it as the same time from different ends and chomped down on it “Lady and the Tramp” style , ending in a passionate , sausage mouth filled make out session.

“Was the first sip of cow milk an accident, a perverted motherfucker, or the results of a lost bet?”

I’ve actually thought about this before. Like , at what point were people looking at fluids that came from animals bodies as something they would wanna put in their mouths? I mean, I get that seeing how human women used breast milk must have sparked the idea but still. Is it possible there were people in ancient times drinking the piss of as many different animals as they could wrangle just on the off chance one of them got the tasty piss they could feed their family with? Who knows.
But, to answer you questions, yeah, They must have seen how human titties worked and applied that cows.

“Why is cheese so fucking god damned good? Aside from Blue Cheeses, I’ve never met a cheese that was bad. Granted they’re not all mind blowers, but even a not-that-great cheese is still consistently better tasting than any other not-that-great option of normally good food.”

Umm…I don’t know bro. Cause good food tastes good? Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? Why did judas grab the romans while jesus slept?

Do you think that the rise in social media and networking has caused
people to become more self-important?

Uh. Yeah. Big time. People have always been self important but never before have they had a platform like social media. You read their thoughts, look at their pictures, see their jobs and relationship status. I joked on twitter the other day that “Twitter bios are the new resume” cause , at this point , why not? People not only have gotten so self involved that they think their lives are actually important/interesting but they’ve learned to do so in as few words as possible. A picture and caption.
I think the biggest problem with all of this is that all this social media really effects peoples egos. People take this shit WAY too Seriously. You ever joke around and fuck with someones facebook page when they’re not in the room? while some will laugh it off, some will lose their fucking minds. As if there are any repercussions from a single facebook update. Or how bout on instagram when people get salty about “likes”, follows and unfollows. That shit makes people legit sad. People get deeply hurt feelings over something that could not matter less in the large scheme of things. All those type of things are partially related to people thinking they’re more important online that they actually are. The second you stop just being a person using the internet and start acting like a brand, it’s all downhill from there.
It’s funny cause I’m no different. I love social media. I mean, shit, you’re reading my personal “Blog” right now. I’d probably be doing a blog if I was a dude that worked in a coffee shop. That’s no less self important than the endless pictures of girls making a duck face at the club on your facebook wall. I think that’s one of the major downsides of the social media. It’s great and it’s fun but , if you actually do use it with any regularity, it’s almost impossible to not be self important on some level. The only way to not do that is to either be a full time lurker or just be one of those off the grid motherfuckers. And, honestly, I don’t know how they even live life. But props to them regardless.

How do you feel about new artists who use the same magic in their music as Michael Jackson? Any clip or sample from any MJ song seems to give the new artist an instant hit.
The new hit by Bruno Mars really jacked the “HOO”(song:”locked out of heaven”) from “Beat It”….Why don’t these artists give credit to MJ for using key components from obvious number 1 hits? How does it make you feel overall?

I really don’t feel any bit of wonder or frustration when I hear a DJ incorporate MJ songs in his or her set, it’s a totally different thing to me.
I am a peaceful music lover and serious fan of MJ since 1981, and always seem to cringe when I hear these new artists borrowing lyrics and samples from the King, even more so now that he has passed. It’s like, “yeah no fuckin wonder this shits a hit-sounds just like BEAT IT”.

Is this a reoccurring issue? I haven’t noticed. This is one of those “it is what it is” kinda problems. People love familiarity. There’s a reason why, in the late 90’s, puffy changed the game but saying “fuck it…” and sampling only wildly famous songs. It’s cause he knew that people would be drawn to it. Now, I don’t know the Bruno Mars song and I can’t think of many recent MJ nods in pop music but who gives a shit? I’d be willing to bet they artists are doing it as a tip of the hat to MJ. His music is so engrained in pop culture it’s a reference point for pretty much anyone over the age of 20.
I realize he’s one of the greatest and all that shit but I’m not one for the sacred cow mindsets towards pop artists. He’s one of thousands talented artists that have been sampled, referenced, and reworked. I’m afraid that’s just music in 2013.

What was your first impression of cold vein?

Secondly, everyone has those go to albums they absolutely love. However you sit in somewhat of a different seat being in the industry and having a large amount of friends who make music. So has any of your friends made one of those classic albums that you inevitably go back to and give it a relisten?

Cold vein was one of those albums I heard that , right away, I knew it was special. Anytime you hear something and your first thought is “Man, this sounds like nothing else” (and you mean that in a positive way) that’s a good sign. Honestly, of all the albums in that entire era, I feel as if that one i gonna stand the test of time the best and will be looked back upon as classic by more than just a bunch of white dudes in their 30’s who used to love backpacks.

As for friends making classics, it’s hard to call. I certainly can’t say that about any Aesop album cause of my close involvement to them. I’m way too inside the bubble to have any idea where those albums would stand.
But, of people I know, I think El-P has made a classic album. I think Cold Vein is a definitive classic. I think , as time goes on, Billy Woods album “History will absolve me” may be spoken of in that light. Granted, by a much smaller group of people but it deserves to be looked at in that same type of high regard. I think the first RJd2/Blueprint album is up there. Shit…there are tons of great albums from people I know from that era. It’s hard to even remember them all. But i do occasionally go back and peep that stuff. Maybe not the whole albums (Ipods have ruined how i listen to music , in that sense) but choice album tracks? For sure.

Yay or Nay: Wiki of the RatKing crew

This is one of those groups/artists I heard about a while back was like “hmm…pretty good” Then accidentally forgot about. Apparently so did the internet. In this day and age , when it seems like most rappers like this might get at least 15 minutes of fame and then vanish into the abyss, Wiki somehow didn’t really even get that. He did, however, get his crew Ratking signed to XL records so the fact he hasn’t been getting pumped up on blogs recently and whatever might just be for a limited time only.
The first thing you (and everyone else) says when they hear him rap is that he sounds like a young Eminem. The similarities are definitely there. From the high pitched nasal voice to his relentless flow. However, I do feel something distinctly new york about this kid that separates them. I read that he’s from Manhattan (which is a rarity for rappers so I gotta feel a little hometown pride there). He definitely reminds me of a 2013 version of the grimy kids that would spend their days in Washington square park , smoking blunts , half assedly kicking it to any girl within ten feet of them and freestyling that I knew from my youth. Whatever the case, I think the kid can definitely rap. I may not love his beat choices but that’s more of a personal taste thing. Also, he’s a young dude. Surely he could grow and, with the skill set he’s already got, I’m curious to see where this all goes.

So, what do you think of Wiki?