Fuck/Marry/Kill Vol. 20

Difficult business decision
Hello to all. Another week and another installment of “Fuck/marry/kill”. The game that offends people who love to be offended by things. As always, let me remind you that this isn’t that serious. It never is. I don’t want to marry or kill any of these people in real life. I’d fuck a few of them for sure though.
Anyway, let’s get it started with some mid 90’s R&B divas.

F/m/k: Adina Howard, Mary J. Blige, Toni Braxton (all in the mid 1990’s)

Fuck: Adina Howard

I mean, come on. Like I’m not gonna pick her to have sex with. That was her whole shit. While Mary J. was getting all emo and Toni Braxton was busy lighting incense for some corny love making sesh, Adina Howard was poppin’ dat azz and letting everyone know she was down to get down. She basically made the choice for me.

Marry: Tony Braxton

Aside from being the cutest of the three, she also seems the most stable. Long term relationships need stability. Sure, she was kinda corny, but she’s not gonna fuck all my friends like Adina Howard probably would and she’s not gonna smoke dust and break all my shit like Mary might. She reminds me of one of those preachers wife types. While i’d like to imagine they have a freaky side, I’d be lying if i said they probably don’t pray before and after giving head.

Kill: Mary J Blige

While she may be my favorite artist of the three, here’s where art and reality separate. I realize this pick will start an internal riot for some of you but hear me out. Mary was great. But for all the reasons she was a great artist, they’re the same reasons I would have to kill her. She’s intense, emotional and prone to snorting things. While sex with her might be crazy, she was up against Adina Howard so, you know, tough break. There is simply no way I’d marry someone that constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Shit, any woman who has to repeatedly make songs reminding herself that she’s still “just Mary” , sounding like she’s trying to go along with AA but never quite fully committed , is bad news. Sorry Mary. Just trust, no matter what happens, you’re still Mary.

F/M/K:Bette Midler, Barbra Streisand, Judy Garland (in their primes)

(i’d just like to preface this one by saying I’m part jewish. So, all you jews out there, calm down and don’t front like you don’t know what I’m talking about in this one)

fuck: Barbara Streisand
When you think of Barbara now, it’s hard to imagine her back in the day. Especially those of us whose earliest memory of her was starring in the movie “Yentl”. Still, here’s the thing…when she was young, she wasn’t bad at all. In fact, by normal every day, growing up in NYC standards, she was actually a fairly cute jewie girl. The kind I used to go to high school with that I always kinda wanted to bone. In fact, the kind I often did bone. For those of you outside of major cities and israel, lemme tell you, Jewish girls are a good time. I’m sure Barbara would be no different.

Kill:Bette Midler

On the other side of the Jewish girl coin, we have Bette Midler. To give you an idea of her looks as a youth, I googled “Young bette Midler” and pictures of the girl who played “Blossom” popped up. Perhaps she’s playing Bette in a TV movie or something but still…that says a lot.
Beyond just her physical appearance, which was always like mixing courtney love and Kyle’s mom from south park, I just find her kind of annoying in general. I’ve never been a fan of actory/comedian/singer triple threats and she’s one of those. So, this was a fairly easy pick for the kill.

Marry: Judy Garland

Admittedly , I don’t really know shit about Judy Garland. I know gay dudes love her and I feel as If I recall hearing some salacious shit about her life…but nothing is really popping up. Was she addicted to pills or some shit? Probably. Actresses have always been walking disasters. Anyway, what i do know is that she was pretty cute and seemed innocent enough. She didn’t have the raw jew sex appeal of Streisand but she also looks way better than Bette Midler ever did. So, she falls right into the middle…Meaning she’s getting wifed.

Fuck/Marry/Kill, the “Mallrats” edition: Shannen Doherty ,Claire Forlani ,Joey Lauren Adams

Kill: Joey Lauren Adams

This was , by far, my hardest choice. Made even harder by the fact that Joey Lauren Adams was , at one point, my favorite. When “Dazed and Confused” came out, i thought she was the hottest. I still think she was hot to this day. Thing is, you get older and you notice new things. And the tiebreaker in this case is her fucking voice. When it’s as close a call as this one is, sometimes it’s the petty things that separate the winners from the losers. She’s got one of those “I was molested at age 7 and I never grew up emotionally” kinda voices and it creeps me out. I’m sure there are dudes out there who might actually be turned on my that but I’m not really one of them. So, it’s with great sadness that I kill Joey Lauren Adams. RIP. I LUV U GURL.

Marry:Claire Forlani

Beyond anything else here, I’m being shallow. She’s just a very beautiful girl in the most classic sense. Even though she had the sex appeal of shrubbery in “Mallrats”, she still kinda falls in line with my guidelines for marriage (within this game). She’s hot, not crazy, kinda boring but still seemingly nice. That’s all it takes in “fuck/marry/kill” world. I’d feel 100% comfortable forgetting to use a condom with her. I’m just saying.

Fuck: Shannen Doherty

Much like Adina Howard, this was an easy pick. She’s the definition of “fuck”. Sexy and crazy. I’ve always wanted to bone her and I’ll probably die feeling the same way. She’s just got that thing…I don’t know what it is. She looks like a sexy eskimo or something. I would be a little scared of her afterwards but, I’m sure, the actual sex itself would be preeeeeettty awesome.

F/M/K:Rap City. Yo MTV raps, or Video Music Box

Kill: Rap City

Of these three, Rap City was always the latest to the game. It came after Yo! and Video music box and always had an air of corniness to it. While they certainly played good videos, they never quite broke new artists the same way the other two did. But, even worse than that, they had wack hosts. Big Lez, tigger…hell, even Joe Clair was kinda lame. I can’t blame them , as they were the last to bubble but, of these three, I’m deading Rap City with the quickness.

Fuck: Yo! MTV Raps

This was tough. I watched this show religiously and have many many memories of seeing crazy songs on it for the first time. I vividly remember the first time I saw the “Nuthin but a g thang” video and was like “Whaaaaaaat?!?!”. I even got love for the hosts and the whole way they made the show. Picking between this and Video Music Box is really splitting hairs but while I deeply loved Yo!, it didn’t have the longevity of VMB. By that i mean, it jumped the shark before VMB did. So, if I’m nitpicking over longevity, that must mean I simply wanna fuck it…right? Right.

Marry: Video Music Box

I would rush home from school everyday to watch this show. It started at 3:30 on channel 3 and it would play the best videos , all the time. Ralph Mcdaniels partially raised me. This one may have most people from outside the tri-state area scratching their heads so let me enlighten you. This was a NYC based video show that not only would play the hot shit of that era but was also set on breaking new artists. They played a fucking Co-flow video before they even released their debut EP. I saw black Moons “Who got tha props?” video on VMB like 6 months before anywhere else played it. They were the underground video show and no video show put me on to more new shit. I would marry the shit out of this show. Man, if i could go back and find tapes of old episodes , I could possibly jerk off to them. That’s how good they were. If I could, I’d take VMB out to pizzeria Uno for a sexy dinner , then take a romantic stroll through washington square park before taking it home to watch “Love Jones” on my couch. yeah man…this shit was serious.

Demo reviews Vol. 18

First things first, Stop sending me demos. The doors are closed for now and I will not be accepting new submissions any time soon. The outpour of submissions I got over the last two weeks will keep me busy for months. I REPEAT: I’M NO LONGER ACCEPTING DEMO SUBMISSIONS.
Secondly, Hi! Welcome to another edition of “Demo reviews”. That thing where I give you my opinion of the music of total strangers. Music, i might add, that they sent me willingly to review. So, no hard feelings. This weeks batch is interesting. While it’s mostly instrumental stuff (which is a bummer for me cause i way prefer reviewing rap songs) it’s actually a pretty solid selection. A few of these would rank pretty high amongst past submissions. So, that’s good. I’m just kinda hoping I’ll be getting more rap joints to review in the future cause, you know, they’re easier for me to make fun of and that’s kinda my wheelhouse.
Anyway, the reviews are like so: A brief write up telling you what i think than i rate the songs on a scale of 1-10 in these categories:




I’m pretty stingy with the rating so , truth be told, if you get a 5/10, you should be pretty happy with yourself.
Well, enough blabbering…Let’s listen to some fuckin’ demos.

Artist: Something Fiction
Song: The Sky

This song seems confused. From the beat being all over the place to the singer not quite being there yet, it’s just a tad messy. The breakdown in particular had me scratching my head. It just sounds like an uncomfortable wall of sound that’s trying to be something prettier. The singer isn’t terrible in the sense that she can sing in key but she’s got one of those voices , much like J-lo, that ,even when singing in key, it just doesn’t sound right. That could be cause of the production though as the beat barely has a key to sing to in the first place.
3 out of 10
3.5 out of 10
Listenability:3 out of 10

Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Wax Triptych
Song: Moonlight Vibe

Well, this is pretty good. Great layering. It moves along well and keep evolving as it goes. Definitely hear the RJd2 influence in here for sure. I gotta say , it’s just nice to hear someone in this demo review section make a beat with multiple sample sources (I’m assuming it’s from multiple sources) and actually have everything blend perfectly. My only knock on this is that the main drum break used is extremely played out but, even that get chopped up a bit to nice effect. Well done.
Production:7 of 10
7.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist:Tybox Feat. Stanley Ipkuss
Song: DiY

The first thing that jumps out to me is the beat. I love the loop and the layering is cool. The snare is a little loud but, hey, it happens.
The rapping to me is secondary. Both the rapper are perfectly capable but they also fall into the that category of mc’s who don’t really separate themselves from the millions of other rappers out there doing underground type shit. Not bad though…
5.5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10

5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: AK 75
Song: Soft sounds Hard drugs

At first, this falls somewhere between uninteresting and very subtle. It takes a little too long to build but i suppose that can blamed on the person making it being on drugs. Once it gets going, it’s actually quite decent. Much like the “Wax Triptych” demo, this one also suffers from unimaginative break beat usage. I dunno if the new generation are not aware of what drums have and haven’t been used a billion times. Let’s dig a little more here people. Drums are the backbone.
5.5 out of 10

5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: R Precise
Song: Gutters

Oh, hey…yet another good rap beat with no rapper on it. As I’ve said before, if this is your idea of a “song”, you need to listen to more songs. To be clear, this is a perfectly fine rap beat. The drums are hard, the samples are nice. It’s just not even remotely near to a song. It’s literally two parts. I’mma need more than that.
4.5 out of 10
4.5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Mr. Magoo
Song: Fractals, Spirits, Groove

This falls into that “Not really my area of expertise”. It’s cool, i guess? It definitely jumps all over genre wise and and it got some interesting directional choices. It’s not bad at all. Definitely well crafted. There is certainly an audience for this out there. Just not me personally.
5 out of 10

4.5 out of 10
Originality:5.5 out of 10

Artist: Medium Sized B
Song: Championship Camping

Ol’ ghetto chariots of fire ass sounding intro. This one was a slow builder that doesn’t really go anywhere. The drums left a little to be desired and the mixing was a bit harsh. Some filter on that synth would do wonders. Strangely enough, while i found it hard to sit through the whole thing, I could see this in a commercial for something. Not sure what…maybe a really uncomfortable running shoe?
 4.5 out of 10
Vocals: n/a

Listenability:3.5 out of 10

Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Eligroove
Song: Found Object Sculpture

so so so so white. This voice is so white, it’s almost racist. I’m not trying to be a dick, just pointing out…you gotta a white ass voice, bro.
Aside from that, this is pretty amateur. The beat is tinny and the classical music angle just isn’t that interesting. The rapping (outside the painfully white voice) is some deep thoughts type shit that sound straight out of a dream journal. I’d chalk it up to this being someone whose mind might be ahead of his musical talent…he’s also a little pretentious. But, hey, in a week of demo reviews with very few rap songs, I was just glad to hear a voice at all. Even one as lilly white as this one.

Production:3 out of 10

Vocals:3 out of 10

3 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Plays with squirrels
Song: In a world of walnuts

I don’t smoke enough weed or frolic in fields nearly enough for this kinda jam to be interesting to me. That said, it’s great background music. I could see two very boring people fucking to it in a grass field as dusk. That said, it’s very mellow and I’m sure it would make for a good listen in very particular situations. I also like how it ends. A music critic would call it “ethereal”.
Production: 4.5 out of 10

Listenability:5 out of 10

Originality:3.5 out of 10

Song:Carpe Diem

File this under: Perfectly fine electronic instrumental tracks. This is pretty and very inoffensive. I’m sure if i were on heroin, this would hit the spot. But, i dunno…it just doesn’t go anywhere. It’s got changes and it’s evolving the whole time but it never ends up anywhere. I think this is a common gripe i have with lost of instrumental tracks that I receive. They seem a little aimless. Still, this wasn’t bad.
4.5 out of 10
5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

So, which demo do YOU like the most? Get your vote on, brah.

Answers for questions Vol. 126

What’s really good everyone?
I’m on the verge of yet another fucking head cold so, admittedly, I’mkinda in a crappy mood. How this will translate into this post, we shall see. My guess? I’m gonna be kind of a dick but , hey, you never know. Regardless, i still love you all like my unborn seeds and I’m always accepting of any questions you may have to ask me. So, if you got any questions, send them my way. Email them to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
But, for now, let’s get this shit over with…

What are your views on freestyling? It seems to me that sometimes when a rapper is “freestyling” their rhymes are just too tight. Like, there’s no way they are making something up this complex on the spot. I saw Del, who has been in the game forever, freestyling on tv the other day and while it was decent, it was nowhere up to par with the rest of his recorded work. You could tell he was making it up on the spot. it felt real. Now when I have seen certain people on Pitchfork selector, let’s use the El-P/Despot Selector, as a reference. Both of their verses are really tight, like so tight, it didn’t seem like it was made up on the spot. I know there was something back when their records dropped when El and Killer Mike were both on Sway’s show and they both kind of politely refused to freestyle on the spot. On Selector though, it’s supposed to be “freestyle”, but it made me wonder if they had some extra time to prepare for it and thus were not really doing it off the top of their head. Not to knock Despot/El-P, both are amazing rappers and El is up there with my favorite rappers of all time. I could care less if it wasn’t truly freestyle, dude can do no wrong in my book. I guess what I am getting at is, it possible to rap that tight off the top of your head? Can you tell when someone is freestyling and when some of it is pre-written or partially written?

Another good example is the recent “Art of Rap” doc. Some of the dudes on there go on for a couple of minutes(Kanye and Eminem for example) and it just sounds too good to be true. What do you think, are these guys just truly that mind boggling amazing at freestyling? or is there a grey area where it is hard to tell or where because of the situation they might have a little extra time to prepare because it is not technically a battle, and they know it is coming and have time to prepare?

What you’re trying to decipher is the difference between a written and a rhyme that’s off the top of the head. 98% of the time, when a rapper is kicking a verse on a radio show that seems to be good to be off the dome, that’s because it’s not. The term “Freestyle” used to mean just going off, unprepared but over time that’s changed. Most of the time people just kick an obviously pre-written verse (that, under no guise they are trying to pass off as a freestyle) or they go off the top and it’s very clear that’s what they’re doing.
That said, there are a select few rappers out there who can actually rap off the top of the head so well that it could, conceivably seem like a written. Contrary to popular belief though, it’s way rarer than you think. Older battle dudes like Supernatural and Juice were two guys considered some of the best freestylers. If you listen to those two dudes and see what they did, then compare other who kick so called “off the dome” raps, you will notice a difference.

There’s just a limit to what the human brain can do. If a persons verse is full of well set up punchlines that lead into other punch lines and intricate flows? It’s probably a written. I’ve heard stories of guys like Mikah 9 ( from Freestyle Fellowship) doing insane shit off the dome but I’ve never witnessed it personally. Though, I tend to believe it cause that dude was somewhat of a sick genius.
So, to answer your question, if it feels to good to be true, it usually is.
The same applies to battles. It seems, as battling has picked up popularity, there have been less off the dome rappers than ever. Shit like grind time is all written and practiced verses.

hey, blockhead. if you had no other choice, would you rather only sample metal or techno music to make your beats? hopefully this will never happen, but you’ve got to be prepared for the worst situations.

Hey blockhead, if you had to only eat one food ever again would it be liver or pig balls?

Hey blockhead, if you could only wipe you ass with one thing would it be a flaming , oily rag or your mom’s face?

hey blockhead, if you had to kill your newborn child, would you rather stomp it to death or punch it to death?

Listen, I take all questions. I’m not offended by anything but these “would you rather” questions where I’m offered two things I’d never do under any circumstance are fucking corny. Not cause of what they’re asking but cause these’s no wiggle room in the responses. Both answers are me being like “well, that would suck but I guess i choose this cause of that”.
So, I choose Heavy Metal cause at least there would be downtempo parts.

Hey Blockhead, How old were you the FIRST time you ever moved out of your parents house? How did you feel? Where did you move to? and did you end up moving back?

I had an unusual situation with that as I moved out of my parents house around the time I was 20…but I moved into an apartment in the building I grew up in (my parents owned the building). So, in a way, it was like having my own clubhouse. It didn’t feel like much cause I hadn’t truly left the nest. I paid a meager rent and pretty much had tons of fun there for about 5 years until my mom got sick of me sneaking into her house and eating all her food (as well as losing money from my low rent) and I moved out to my own apartment around 2002. 9/11 bought the prices down in downtown NYC heavily and I jumped on a deal for the apartment I still live in to this very day.
A side note, I’ve noticed, more than most cities, people will live with their parents for a long time in NY. It’s mostly cause rents are so high and location is so important. I was one of my first friends to have my own place (even though it was still in my childhood building). To this day I have plenty of friends who have moved out , moved back in with their parents and moved out again. That’s just kinda how it is out here.

This one may be a shot in the dark Block, But do you know by chance what Cool Calm Pete is doing? I only ask because maybe you ran in the same circles or something once, I’m a huge fan of his early work but it seems after 2009 he hasn’t really produced anything other than those hour long mixups, I am simply curious if you ever knew him or know what hes up to, He seems like an elusive dude.

I actually ran into Pete at a bar a few years ago. He seemed to be doing well. he definitely had a super hot girlfriend (props on that, bro!). We spoke for a little bit and he said he had been doing design work so the music had kinda fallen to side. It happens. It sounded like he was actually really successful so it would appear he made the right choice. It’s not easy to maintain inspiration when you’re getting little in return for your endeavors. Luckily for Pete, he actually had a serious skill to fall back on so he’s doing better than 99% of the rappers he came up with. Pete’s a really good dude though and I was happy to see he was doing well in life beyond the music.

when youre on a bigger tour, like your next one in march, what are you doing apart from the shows? are you mostly chilling in the hotel, do you just walk through the city or do you have people you know at most of the places? or is it a mix of all three?

The misconceptions of touring are deep. I think people feel like it’s a lavish party that only stops for that hour you’re on stage. Truth be told, it’s pretty fucking lonely and boring. I don’t tour with anyone (meaning, I’m a one person act) so I generally just arrive in a city, check into the hotel, loaf around there for a bit then go do soundcheck at whatever venue I’m playing at. This is one of those things where you’re given a window of time to show up and it almost always results in waiting around…for hours. In fact, many times, I’ve gone for a soundcheck, waited for hours and then I’m told “oh, it’s cool…you don’t need a soundcheck…”.
In the typical city I’m not familiar with, I’ll basically just go from the venue to the hotel and that’s it. Aside from eating dinner with either the promoter or the other acts performing that night, I’m pretty much on my own. To be honest, some of the most boring times of my life have been spent backstage at in a city where i don’t know anyone. Just chilling there, alone, eating hummus and carrots until i have to perform. Those nights suck. It’s kinda the reasons I’d rather just chill behind the merch table on most nights. At least there is activity out there and I can talk to fans.
There are a few cities in the country where I actually have some friends though and , when I’m in those, I chill with my friends as much as possible. Before the show and after the show.

As a self-employed producer how do report your income at the end of the year?

Do you fill out a 1040A or something?

What types of things can your write off?

How much goes “under the table” so to speak?

Timely question.
I pay a shitload of taxes. Because most of the money I receive isn’t taxed up front, what i usually do is just pay “estimated taxes” over the year. Pretty much just trying to guess what my income for that year will be based on what i made the year before. The problem with that is that my yearly income jumps all over the place. Some years are great, others are not. I forget what the actual form is called that I fill out but I have an accountant so , it get’s handled.
As for write offs…everything. Travel (if i spend a penny on anything while on the road, i write it off), most things in my home (internet, phone, cable) cause i work from home, clothing, anything I apply towards my music (this could be a usb wire, musical equipment, or even a record). Basically, if it can be somehow described as an expense , I’m writing it off.

As for “under the table” stuff, I’d rather not speak of that in a public forum. So, for the sake of this answer, every penny is accounted for. Obviously.

How hard is Despot fucking with everyone in this interview?

He’s actually really like that. That’s part of his majesty.

Yay or Nay: Dinosaur Burps


This weeks Yay or Nay is kinda special. Why, you may ask? Cause they’re literally the only demo I’ve ever received in my “Demo Reviews” column that made it’s way to my I-pod. To put things in context, I’ve done 17 volumes of demo reviews thus far. That means I’ve listened to 170 demos. They are one of 170. I don’t do math but I’d imagine that’s impressive odds. Anyway, they go by the curious name of Dinosaur Burps and they’re from west Virginia.
This is the initial demo i received:

Well, Now it’s time for you to tell me what you think of them.
Here are tow other videos to help shape your opinion. What’s the call on Dinosaur Burps? Yay or Nay?

Illogic/Blockhead Round-up

So, as you may know, I’ve been working with my homeboy Illogic for a while now. We released two free ep’s , a ton of videos and in April we will be dropping our full length together called “Capture the Sun” on Man bites dog Records.
I just wanted to use this post to pretty much cover everything we’ve done and let you all know that we’re both really excited to be putting this full length out.
Let’s take a little walk down memory lane…

This was the first song I ever did with Illogic. We made it around 2000. I had had an idea to make an album with various rappers over my beats but it never got finished due to me now knowing enough good rappers at the time.
But this song is what got the ball rolling

During that same trip, Illogic made another song with Aesop over one of my tracks

From there, it was years until Illogic and I would work together. One day he hit me up randomly and was like “hey, you wanna make an album?” I was like “Sure!” and that’s how music gets made! What ended up happening was I sent him tons of beats. He ended up picking like 30 of them and making songs. Because we no longer live in a era of double albums, we decided it might be best to release a few eps. The hope was these ep’s would not only announce that Illogic and I were working together but also seek out interest from record labels. Before any of the ep’s came out, we leaked this song…

You can download that here:

If you’re one of those know-it-all nerds, you might recognize that track from a despot remix I did. Oops!
There is also this track got released on a the compilation “Collaboration is the key”

Shortly after that we put together our first EP called “Preparing for capture”. This is still available for free download

This spawned a few videos:

After that, we put together the second free ep, “Preparing for capture 2”

This had a video as well:

So, that brings us to where we are currently. “Capture the sun” drops April 16th.
Here’s A video of Illogic and I discussing the album

Also, here are two videos of what we got in store for that album.
The first single “Capture the sun” Featuring Slug of Atmosphere on the hook.

And another joint of the album “Neva Heard”

Got it? Good. I hope you like all this stuff. If you do, please cop the album when it drops. also, keep an eye out for Illogic performing at SXSW as well as some shows we’ll be doing together in the midwest come the release date.

Also, I’d just to send shout out to Blueprint for helping with the photo’s and interview video, Ryan from Man Bites dog for putting the album out and Eric Anello and Laura Green for all the videos they made. You guyz are da best.

Lyrical Spiritual Miracle

Being “Spiritual” is a vague term. For some, it’s just less abrasive way to describe their self imposed religion. They say shit like “I’m not religious…but I’m very spiritual”. Which is kinda like saying “I’m not on fire, but is it like 2000 degrees in here?”. Whenever anyone says that to me, I’ve learned to just leave it alone. There maybe was a time when I might have pressed it a little and asked “What do you mean by “Spiritual” exactly?”. But, nowadays, I avoid a conversation that reads like the monologue in the video above as I simply don’t have time to listen to that bullshit.
I looked the word up in the dictionary and this is what I got:
Definition of SPIRITUAL

: of, relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit : incorporeal
a : of or relating to sacred matters
b : ecclesiastical rather than lay or temporal
: concerned with religious values
: related or joined in spirit
a : of or relating to supernatural beings or phenomena
b : of, relating to, or involving spiritualism : spiritualistic
— spir·i·tu·al·ly adverb
— spir·i·tu·al·ness noun

Of those five definitions it would seem 1 and 3 are the ones that would apply to anyone who specifically describes themselves as “Spiritual”. In the case of definition #1, I’d say that applies to everything that happens to everyone ever. If your “spirit” is your general being that it’s safe to say literally everything you do , say, eat, think about, etc…effects that in some way. So while proclaiming that as a way of life isn’t incorrect, it’s also like bragging about how often you breath.
In the case of definition #3, it’s exactly what you think it is. Religious people believe in a higher power. It’s THAT kind of spirituality. Certainly not the kind that more people proclaim for themselves. In fact, the people I’m speaking about openly will scoff at religion , all the while speaking of mystical healing power that some rock contains or how eating a certain root with get you closer to mother natures majesty.

In both cases of these literal definitions, I’m pretty sure 99% of the people who have ever told me they’re spiritual are in fact simply just normal human beings who do yoga.
Much like people being vegans or straight edge , people referring to themselves as “Spiritual” was not something I grew up around. I also didn’t hear about veganism or straight edge until I went to college so, you know, that might give you an idea of the world I lived in. Aside from an occasional anti-fur rally and basic civil rights, it was a “cause free” upbringing. As for people being “spiritual”, I simply never heard it referred to as lifestyle until I was in my late 20’s. I dunno, maybe I was just lucky. If you asked me what “Spiritual” meant in 1994, I’d probably say “A ghost?”. Granted, the 90’s were a different era. This was before health food stores were everywhere, yoga and pilates were all the rage and people collected crystals openly. In fact, back then, a store that specialized in things like that was pretty much looked at as new age bullshit (AKA Hippy shit) or a place where wiccans would chill.

I feel as if , in recent years there has been a large movement away from organized religion. Obviously, it’s still wildly popular but there certainly seems to be a generation of people not connecting with it like they used to. While a good amount of these people simply move on with their lives (which would seem to be the logical progression from losing ones religion) another group just trade that in for the idea of being “Spiritual”. Instead of following a bible, they turn to what are basically self help books that were written with more flowery and mystical language. Regardless , it’s a book that was written by another human being. Just like the bible. Sometimes they will dump Jesus and simply consider themselves Buddhists. This is fine but the percentage of people who think of themselves as Buddhists and the number of actual people “bout that life” is probably preeeeeetty low. Obviously, I have no study to fall back on to prove this point (or anything I’m saying, really) but I’ve seen way too many people who have said shit like “I think of myself as more of a Buddhist” who are obsessed with their I-phones , getting shit faced drunk all the time, being assholes to people and , in general, being self absorbed dickheads. Pretty sure that’s not in the tenants of Buddhism , brah. What I don’t get about it is that these people who abandon religion , for some reason, still feel the need to grasp on to something. I understand the universe is full of unanswered questions. I can see how some people might need guidance through life but the idea of trading in one for the other just seems kinda pointless to me. Either way, it’s some made up shit. I suppose it’s just that you gotta find the made up shit that applies best to your life.
(OR you could just act with common decency toward your fellow man and use proper judgement. For the most part , it’s fairly black and white. Don’t kill people, Be polite, try to Share. Don’t rape, Respect other people, etc..It’s all basic shit the average person learns in pre-school. Think of all the time and money you’d save on books alone!)
Saying “I’m very spiritual” is similar to people who say “I’m a very sexual being”. It’s a blanket statement meant to express depth and faux intensity that’s referring to things that pretty much everyone in the world feels (Outside of people in comas and asexual eunuchs.They get the pass). Oh, you’re sexual? You like having orgasms? Man, you must be some sort of sexual super hero! Oh you’re spiritual? You’ve got it all figured out? Your chakra’s are aligned? Awesome. Your soul must weigh much more than mine.
They’re simply empty statements that mean nothing. Without trying, we are all technically spiritual. But this kind of “spiritual” that people claim for themselves? I dunno. I’m yet to meet a self proclaimed “spiritual person” who is anything more than either a regular hippie who eats lots of healthy food or one of those people who becomes obsessed with all things eastern . At least the latter seem to have their stories down though. They’re generally educated in their beliefs. It’s the hippie ones that will really talk you into a hole. Every gotten cornered by a hippie who’s under the influence of anything and set on telling you all about his/her spirituality? It’s meandering mish mash of words like “aura”, “chi” and vague references to astrology set the back beat of some dudes awful fucking weed breath.
I can tell you first hand that it’s slightly less captivating than reading binary code and , in the end, it makes even less sense.

Listen, I realize that a lot of this kinda thing stems from a good place. People wanting to find deeper meanings in life. People figuring out their place in the universe. While I never think about that kind of shit, I get why others might. All I really am asking is for those of you who claim this basic cloak of “Spirituality” to simply just stop being so full of shit. Believe what you believe in. You can do that. But there’s no need to try and jazz it up beyond what it is at it’s core. Your beliefs. Not everything needs a title. In Reality, you’re not more “spiritual” than the dude who pumped your gas or the guy that did your taxes. You simply are just keeping closer tabs on it. You’re not a specially spiritual person. You’re simply a human being with thoughts and feelings. Just like every other fucking person you’ve ever seen and met. I think from now on I’m gonna claim “humanism”. Or not…who cares. My spirituality is telling me I’m hungry so I’m gonna go eat a cheeseburger.

Tim and I discuss music and stuff vol. 21

Back from arguing with each other about the ins and outs of sketch comedy, Tim and I have returned with that good old shit. Music videos. This weeks collection is particularly…umm…off center? I’d list people who’s videos we discuss but i’d rather
it just be a surprise.

Answers for questions vol. 125

Good day to you fine sir/madam. Here’s another installment of “Answers for questions”. You send me questions about anything under the sun and I do my best to answer them honestly. It’s a simply concept that seems to work.
If you have more questions you’d like ask me, please do. My mailbox is always open. Send them to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
Cool? great. Now, let’s get into this weeks batch.

If you could organise your own hip hop festival/concert, which artists would you have perform and who would headline? Also, if you could organise everything you needed, which artists would you have perform as a hologram?

That’s tough cause, truth be told, I kind of hate live shows. I know that’s weird to hear coming from a musician but I think the fact I do shows has made me numb to them.
With that in mind, organizing a festival would be a nightmare for many reasons.
First off, most of the rappers I’d want to see wouldn’t exactly be selling tickets. They’re either under the radar or too old. But your hologram part of the question actually gave me a genius festival idea. I’d do an all dead rapper festival. All holograms. Big L, Big Pun, Biggie would headline and all the guests would be other dead rappers. Eazy-E would shut that shit down.
also appearing? ODB, Guru, Heavy D, Nate Dogg and , of course, Tim dog. That would actually be pretty incredible.

I’ve noticed that people who live in big cities often look down on people who are from smaller places. As you’re from NY do you believe that people are more enlightened as a whole when living in a big city? Or is it solely a different way of life? Are there any smaller towns in the US that you are a fan of?

Damn…you’re baiting me here. I don’t know about more enlightened but growing up and living in a city certainly is a much different experience than the burbs or a rural area. Things are quicker. Competition is higher. It sort of forces you to be on your toes at all time and I have always felt that gives you an edge in many ways. At the same time, I think us city people do tend to miss out on some of life’s subtleties. I’m sure there are aspects of small town living that are awesome that I’m completely unaware of. I’d imagine the community feeling of knowing everyone is kinda nice. I’m sure it’s way more relaxing as well. Meanwhile, I’m trying to not make eye contact with my neighbors 22 year old cross dressing boyfriend cause I banged on the wall last night at 3 am when he wouldn’t turn down that same fucking Rihanna song he plays all day.
As for looking down at people, it kinda depends. I mean, I can’t lie, when things like elections roll around and I see the fucking tea party candidates getting nominated it doesn’t exactly make me feel great about middle america. Small town mentality has never appealed to me. Not even that, I simply don’t get it. Often, I’ll equate small towns with things like religion and tradition. Things I truly don’t give a fuck about.
I’m a city person through and through. I could never live in a small town. I’m simply too used to a city. I mean, shit, I don’t think I could live in a different city even. The bar is set ridiculously high when NYC is your starting point and that’s what you think of when you hear the word “City”.
I’ve been to small towns that i had a good time in. But they’ve always felt like a place I’m good with after a day or two. It’s like “Ok, cool…i get it”. Truth be told, i need the sound of whizzing cars and off in the distance sirens to even be able to fall asleep.

I have had insecurities about my bootie in the past, and have since learned to appreciate the curve. But, please elaborate… why are some guys all about an extra round backside?? what gives? And is the bigger the better?

This isn’t really a black and white kinda thing (I don’t mean that racially). Some dudes like a skinny girl with a flat ass. However, at least in the world i live in, most dudes appreciate an ass far more than girls even understand. That’s why when , if a dude tells you you have a fat ass, you should take it as a compliment. Same with being referred to as “Thick”. That’s something most dudes actually like. I feel like girls hear those two things and immediately start getting insecure. You will never hear a man refer to someone like Lena Dunham as “Thick” cause she’s more “sloppy”. Thick denotes more firmness but also some cushion.
As for how big an ass can get…it depends who you’re asking. I know many dudes who might look at someone like Ice-T’s wife CoCo and either want to vomit or salivate. It’s all preference. One thing is certain, very few men are complaining about a girl with a skinny wist and a round ass. That’s for sure.

You get to join any 3 current TV reality shows, each for an entire season. While on each show, you must do all of the following with a fellow “cast member”:

1.) Sex (Condom)
2.) Sex with someone else (No Condom)
3.) 8 Hour Car Trip

Which shows and cast members do you choose?

I honestly don’t think i watch 3 reality shows that have casts like that. I watch shit like Top Chef , Catfish and Shark tank. My girl watches all those housewife shows but I can’t sit through them. I’ve seen Vanderpump rules, Black ink, & love and hip hop but I don’t know anyones name on those shows. So, really, Washington heights and Buckwild are the last two reality shows I was fucking with (until The Real world start up again cause I will be 70 and still watching that crap)
So, of those two…
Washington heights:
1)sex (condom) – The singer girl Reyna. She seems like she’s been around the block a few times. So that works both as a turn on and turn off. Say what you will about sluts but they’re usually fun (with a condom).
2)Sex (no Condom) – The white girl. i have no clue what her name is (I’m getting some white girl name that wounds like a rich white man’s last name. Something like Bradley or Winthrope) but she seems somewhat asexual (even though she has a man) so I wouldn’t worry too much about catching something from her.
3)8 hour Car trip – Ludwin
He’s a little emo for my taste but he’s not a total moron and wouldn’t make me listen to reggaeton/terrible second rate drake raps the entire time.

1)Sex (condom)-The hot blonde girl. No clue what her name is but , if you’ve seen the show it’s obvious who I’m talking about.
2)Sex (No condom)- The indian girl with the huge tits. Raw dog might not be the wisest choice with her but there’s no way that blonde girl isn’t a petri dish of std’s.
3)8 hour car ride-ughh…I honestly don’t think I could be in a car with any of these fucking idiots for that long so I’mma cop out and say either one of the two I picked to have sex with above. At least I could flirt with them for the entire ride or something. I’m sure I’d be ready to jump into traffic by the 2nd hour but there’s no way i could handle being with one of those backwoods bro’s from that show for more than 5 minutes.

Can you supply a full analysis of the following clip?  If you were to be a part of an endeavor like this what would you do differently?

First off, I can’t even count how many people have sent me this clip over the last few weeks. I see why…but still.
Okay…analysis? It’s a joke. There’s no fucking way this isn’t a joke. People are simply incapable of being that removed from reality. That’s saying a lot considering how insane a human can be but, i dunno, I just can’t see this being a real thing on any level. That said, it’s awesome. It’s really well done and they got the subtleties down perfectly so it looks legit but with just enough eye winking to let you know it’s not for real.
What i would do differently? Nothing. They nailed it. The only thing i would suggest, if the point of this video is to be taken as a real thing, I’d be less over the top. Maybe drop one single N-bomb. That might have people scratching their heads more. But, still, I think they did an amazing job on this and it’s fine the way it is. Very Tim and Eric-ish.

Are you into MMA? Are you into any sports in general? This question seems boring as fuck, but I just want to know. Don’t judge.

I don’t give a shit about MMA. I’ve tried to watch it and I’ve seen some awesome knockouts but the majority of the fights I’ve seen end up in two dudes hugging for 3 rounds. It just hasn’t delivered enough action for me to bother keeping up with it. I do love sports though. First and foremost, basketball. I watch it, play it, follow it closely and play fantasy basketball. It’s , far and away, my favorite sport.
Other than that, I fuck with boxing, baseball and a little tennis here and there. But, in all honesty, my interest in those sports doesn’t have 1/100th of the focus I do on basketball.

So, hypothetically, what option would you go for:

1) Stop your producing completely, you could never ever make music again, but you could listen to all other artists.

2) Keep producing but you couldn’t listen to any other songs ever. (This is hands down for me and most, but i don’t know how a producer would react. Aphex Twin for example prefers his own makings to any others. Also, i know your music is very sample based but try to abstract yourself from that.)

I mean, this is tough cause if I don’t make music, how do I support myself? I think that alone would kinda force my hand. I already sorta live that life in the sense that i don’t really listen to other artists within the instrumental hip hop genre but, still, what kind of orwellian shitty world would I ever live in that would make this a reality?

If you had to share every meal you ever ate with an animal, which animal would you choose?

A tapeworm.

Yay or Nay?

Instead of doing a “song of the day”, I’m gonna switch it up a little and try something different. I’m gonna post up some youtube clips of an artist and see how you guys feel about the artist. I’ll add in my two cents but the real point of this is to get an idea of what you guys think. Aside from normal curiosity , I like getting an idea of what kinda taste my reader ship has.
This weeks artist is called Chance the rapper. He’s a young dude from chicago. I don’t know much about him beyond the videos I’ve seen but he piqued my interest so I figured I’d share him with you.

I went with two videos cause they show some different styles.
Personally, I think he shows a lot of promise. If he did that sing song style all the time it might get tiring but he can definitely rap and his voice reminds me of Kendrick Lamar mixed with the pharcyde. I think what i like about him most is that he seems like he’s got his heart in it. Particularly on “Juice”. I can appreciate when a rapper is invested in his work without being a cornball.
So, what do you think of Chance the rapper? Yay or nay?