Yay Or Nay: Action Bronson being his own Stage security

I went to a stand up comedy show this week. It was fun but, as it sometimes tends to happen, there were a few girls in the front row who felt it was there duty to chime in throughout the whole show. They weren’t even heckling. They were just answering Rhetorical questions and saying shit like “Oh my god, my friend totally does that to!” in the middle of jokes. unacceptable. Seeing this got me thinking about how some people are just wired to be entitled assholes when going to see people perform. I’ve certainly had it happen to me. Someone walks on stage while I’m playing to literally chat with me like I was sitting alone at a bar or to request I play something else…at a show I’m headlining. So, yeah, crowd participation has it’s limits.
This morning, I was treated to a video of Action Bronson taking justice into his own hands. Some dudes jumped on stage and this happened:

Personally, I loved this. Sure, the guy was harmless and just really excited but, at the same time, get off the stage, bro. So , I wanna know what you think…This weeks “Yay or Nay” is a little different. You’re not judging a song or an artist…you’re judging an action…by Action Bronson. So, what do you think?

New Video by Billy Woods & Cult Favorite Remix

This is the outro track from the album “Dour Candy” that I made with Billy Woods. It drops July 2nd on Backwoodz records. Get hyped!
Also, if you missed it, here’s another song off the album called “Tinsletown”.

Here’s an extensive article about the album that Noisey.com just put up. Thanks to Zack Lipez for making it happen.
Also, I did a remix for Cult Favorite (Elucid and AM Breakups) for the song “Omega3” featuring Billy Woods
Free download yall!

I hooked up with Riff Raff Part 2

So, a few weeks ago I ran a piece where I anonymously interviewed a girl who hooked up with Rapper/internet sensation Riff Raff. It wasn’t really me digging for dirt on the dude but it was more like a social workers curiosity. I’ve said it many times that the guy is an enigma. Is he for real? Is he a joke? He’s a referencing things we simply don’t understand?
I thought that talking to girls who had perhaps had his penis inside them might shed some light. Through a third party I was able to interview two girls.
Here’s the first one:

In the second installment, we meet a girl who didn’t actually sleep with Riff Raff. She just hooked up and did “everything else” with him but dipped before that happened.
I gotta say, I came into this idea thinking I’d blow the mystique of the man away and we’d all learn that he’s either totally a fraud or 100% genuine. Well, two interviews later, I can’t say I know…which makes him even more of a mystery. So, here’s interviews number 2 with a girl who hooked up with Riff Raff, Rap game Rubiks Cube.

How did you meet Riff Raff?

At a hotel on a Sunday evening while friends were doing a photo shoot with him. We had actually met once or twice before but I’m sure he did mot remember.

Were you attracted to him when you met him?
Not at all. Well maybe in a throwback wiggery way. I mean I love wiggers now, but a more subtle one.

Who was the aggressor , in terms of flirting and things escalating to a sexual level?
Riff Raff. Was so not even remotely flirting. He tried to push up on me while I was coming out of the bathroom and I was all- Get outta here. We were in a hotel room with a few friends. everyone was drinking heavily for an early Sunday eve. It was time for everyone to leave. We all exit and I’m waiting for my car at valet and so was he. He came over and said that I should go with him. I was all- With you? No way.

Keep in mind we barely spoke to each other inside. He kept trying to reason, asking me why. I said I had to work in the am. So he says-I’ll get you tow work in time tomorrow and I promise you’ll have a good time.

At this point I’m thinking about all of my friends and essentially take one for the team and get in his car, also I want to figure out if he’s real or not. I’m semi freaking cause I’m in a car with this freak show who is driving and for sure has had a ton to drink and done a bunch of blow. I start texting a couple of friends that we were just with at the hotel, that I’m in the car with Riff Raff. They’re all WHATTT, as we hardly spoke during hotel room photo shoot party. I was definitely thinking about just getting out of the car somewhere and calling a cab. Total escape mode.

The rest of the story is fairly self incriminating so I will keep it brief.

-He owns an albino snake
-He has samurai swords all over the walls like some bootleg Wu-Tang shit.
-He has awful red leather couches
-He’s pretty smart and pretty funny
-We ended up going to the studio where he proceeded to lay down like 10 different songs some over Portishead tracks
-He made sure to rap about me
-I woke up with Riff Raff forever written in my hand in Sharpie
-He sleeps in a do-rag
-He told me to call him Jody
-His fronts were on the nightstand next to my head
-He offered to drive me home but I declined and Ubered

Is Riff Raff Charming?

Was any part of sleeping with Riff Raff doing it because there’s something funny about being able to say you had sex with Riff Raff?
I wouldn’t fuck him, but all the rest…. Sure. Was for the story and I was curious.

Have you slept with other “famous” people before?
Riff Raff is famous??? Internet famous. And yes. I have slept with famous people.

Did he break out of character at any point? If so, when and how? If not, he’s actually that guy?

No. He is him. A caricature of himself maybe. He believes it and I guess that’s what makes the myth the man.

I feel as if most men are most honest and vulnerable post orgasm. Would you say this was true of Riff Raff?
I do not agree with this statement in general.

Were drugs and alcohol involved in your personal time with Riff Raff? if so, what?

DUH. Guess

Did you enjoy sleeping with Riff Raff? Any regrets?
Again, I did not go full fuck mode with him but no, no regrets.

Would you do it again?
Nope. Once was more than enough

After it was all said and done, what is your take on Riff Raff, as a man? Good guy? Misunderstood genius? Retarded clown?
All of the above

And there you have it. So…yeah. I have no idea. I feel as though 2 testimonies simply aren’t enough to really explain anything but, hey, they make for a fun read. Also, thanks to this girl, whoever she is, for answering my questions and thanks to my third party for supplying me with girls willing to spill the beans about hooking up with a man who calls himself Riff Raff and was on “G’s to Gents”. The whole thing got me feeling like this:

Preview reviews of movies I’ll never see vol. 2

Since last time was so much fun (I think), let’s try this again. This is me reviewing movies I’ll most likely never watch (never say never though, I’ve got cable and lots of free time) based entirely on the 2 minute long previews. Summer is here so it’s blockbuster season. This week includes a bunch of movies that look like other movies that all made tons of money in the past. I suppose that’s kinda how this all works though. Ahh…art.

lone ranger

I think I speak for everyone when i say “what the fuck is an Armie Hammer?”. From the looks of it, he’s a little Val kilmer , a little Josh Brolin and a whole lotta HUNK. But seriously, that fucking name. At least go by Armond or Armold. Armie sounds like a baby name that stuck. Whenever a guy with a name like this pops out of seemingly nowhere to bag a huge roll is a summer blockbuster, I gotta think this hollywood magic at work. Like they shined the light upon him and said “Yes my son, it is your time…I hope you like acting in rom-com’s about espionage , cause that’s your future”.
Oh yeah, I’m reviewing a movie trailer , I forgot.
Well, this looks like a huge pile of dog shit. Granted, it will be a very shiny and manicured pile of dog shit, but dog shit nonetheless. Johnny Depp continues to not age. I gotta say, I’m somewhat proud of our thin skinned country not being up in arms with Depp’s portrayal of a Native American. I mean he even speaks in that “How! Me likum a lot!” kinda twang. The first time I saw the preview for this I was expecting all sorts of “outrage” from native american groups but, so far, nothing…perhaps they’re all just waiting for the movie to come out before they start picketing Who knows? Hey, did you know that “Tonto” means “Dummy” in spanish? cause it does. Someone told me that the other day and I was shocked it didn’t translate to “White face painted carrier of wisdom”.


Man, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been car jacked by a pretty, 85 pound latina teenaged girl. It’s actually the plot of this porn I’m working on.
Movies are an escape. For this reason, they often bend the realms of reality. So, perhaps, the concept of Selena Gomez robbing anything might actually work for you. i mean, Iron man 3 is the 5th most money earning movie of all time (worldwide) so, surely , a tiny girl who looks like she just had her Quinceanera is a plausible felon.
The funny thing is that’s the first part of the whole movie that we’re just sort of supposed to accept in order to get from point A to point B. BEyond that debacle, it would appear we have a movie that was made when three wealthy men on coke sat in a board meeting and said “What would happen if we mixed “Taken” with “Speed” but added a touch of the old charlie sheen vehicle “The chase”? ”
I’m sure from there, calls were made, boners were formed and bottles were popped. This is one of those “I don’t have to see it cause I know what’s gonna happen” type movies. You think he’s NOT gonna get his wife back? You think Selena Gomez and him are NOT going to form a bond which eventually leads to her doing something heroic? You think Jon Voight is not gonna act with a terrible and unidentifiable accent of no clear origin? Come on…you’re better than that.


Shamefully, I actually don’t hate Ryan Reynolds. I think he’s pretty funny at times. I just don’t know how I feel about him playing roles outside the “snarky dickhead” spectrum. also love Jeff Bridges. This movie seems right in his wheelhouse, so that’s something.
But, unfortunately, this is just kinda like Men in Black but with the living dead. Or, shit, maybe that’s right up your alley? Who knows. I will say this…it looks watchable. I’m sure this will come on cable in a years time and I will catch parts of it over the course of a month until I have actually seen the whole thing, albeit out of order and spread over weeks of time. But, even after that, I’m sure I can tell you what I’ll think of it without even seeing it yet. In one word: Meh.

The Hot Flashes

If you’re anything like me, you’ve been waiting on the edge of your seat for this years menopausal sports flick to drop. Well, wait no more. It’s here! finally a movie you can take both your mom and your buddies from the basketball courts to.
Making a movie about older women going through something that every woman goes through seems like a bright idea until you remember that the average film goer is a 17 year old boy who has no idea that Brooke Shields (or Virginia Madsen for that matter) was ever even a sex symbol, let alone an actress people had heard of. But, that said, I do respect Hollywood for letting a movie like this through once in a while. It’s like throwing the old folks a bone. Shit, Have you seen “Grumpier old men”? It’s awesome. “Cacoon” was a huge hit. And those guys were basically on their death bed. So, maybe this one has a chance. I have no clue what audience it’s gonna pull but there’s a slight chance a group of people have been sitting by, waiting for someone to drop a “”Hoosiers” meets midlife crisis comedy.
Pretty sure my mom is skipping this one.

Oh and since we’re on the topic of movie reviews, check out these hilarious horror film reviews by my boy Damian Paris. For those who don’t know, he’s the guy who plays all the guitar and bass parts on all my instrumental albums. I’ve actually known him since high school and he’s pretty much the ideal movie critic. Beyond being an extremely talented musician, he’s also a film buff and film maker. But, really, these reviews are more an insight into the man himself…and he is a crazy person.

Tim and I discuss music and stuff vol. 35

This week, Tim (AKA Alaska) and I discuss the music of Cappadonna , Vex Ruffin, and Johnny Guitar Watson.
As usual, we disagree about a a good deal of stuff but still manage to find some sort of middle ground. Though one thing is becoming clear, tim feels about old soul/funk music the way I feel about indie rock. So we always have that.
Peep it!

Answers for questions vol. 141

Good afternoon. So, today started off fun enough with me being awoken at 4 am by my girl having a conniption fit. I thought she was perhaps having a bad dream about her sky diving without a parachute but it turned out she was awoken to the feeling of a roach (or “water bug” as we white people call them) crawling on her sleeping body. Yup. That happened. So, my day (and hers) can only get better…I hope. Also, might be time to burn my entire home down.
Anyway, this is where I answer your questions. I always need more fuel so, if you got anything you’d like to ask me about, get advice on, or just be silly about..send it my way. Email the questions to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Both way work equally well.
Okay…here’s this weeks batch.

What’s your opinion on people who are really pretentious about their eating habits and outright look down on your diet/food habits to your face? For example, say you eat a lot of fast food and you get that person, “GOD that is so not good for you, do you know what’s in that?” The people that act like you don’t already know that McDonalds is basically shit food, but you don’t care because it’s fucking good (just as an example, you may despise McD’s). Said person can be anyone from a health nut, to a vegetarian, to a vegan… anyway you slice it, what do you think of them, would your opinion of said person lower, and what do you say to them in return?

I mean, obviously , anyone who does stuff like this is an annoying know it all. My biggest issue is when it breaks down into micro categories and some vegan will bitch to me about how bad something like tuna is for you. I can’t say this is something I’ll argue with people as much as just laugh off and forever mark them down as one of “those” people. Meaning, people who are fucking annoying and have issues with food. I don’t care what another person eats. If eating legumes and millet makes you feel happy, go for it. But the second you start policing the diets of other adults, you’re a fucking asshole. Even if your intentions are good. It’s like when christians try to “save” people. In their hearts, they probably really believe they’re doing gods work but everyone else is just quietly rolling their eyes at them and looking at them like their crazy. That’s how you look vegan nazis. Like crazy people. Just know that.
I don’t really fuck with fast food cause it’s terrible for you but I also know it tastes fantastic. So, I get it. However, when I see a person who lives in a place with tons of different eating options (sadly, this isn’t the case in most parts of the US), who mainly eats fast food, I do judge them. I wouldn’t tell them to stop though. I would just call them fatties behind their back and make diabetes jokes about them.

Are you a fan of cringe comedy, like Curb Your Enthusiasm (Larry David) or The Office(UK)?
I’m asking you this because i’ve read on this blog some awkward moments you’ve been through and i think the way you narrate them are always quite hilarious.

Sure. I love that kinda stuff. It can sometimes reach a point where it’s too much for me but that mostly happens when a situation spirals into a debacle that could have easily been avoided by someone saying just one little thing to clear everything up. That happens on Curb your Enthusiasm a lot. But I guess that’s the point.
But, in general, awkward comedy definitely works for me and when an actor can pull that kinda thing off well, it’s always very impressive.
There have been times in my life where I was watching one of these situations unfold in front of me and I would think “This kinda sucks right now but , when it’s over, this will be hilarious…”

What are your thoughts on dancing at shows? When you play shows and check out the crowd while other artists play before/after you, what do you think of the dancers in the crowd? Where do you draw the line? Does someone standing still look uncomfortable? Do they look any worse than the shitty dancers who are trying to be really into it? Tell us your thoughts, Block

When on stage, the more people dancing , the better. I don’t care who , what or why…but peoples dancing is a sign that things are going well. This is particular better for me cause my show isn’t tailored to be watched as much as listened to. People who sit in the front row , not moving and staring at me are not going to have a good time cause, visually, I’m not doing much. I’ve never been one for bells and whistles so you won’t see me dancing around, pumping up the crowd. It’s just not my style. I’m too focused on the task at hand. I kinda wish I had that kind of crazy energy in me but I’m way too self aware to ever allow myself to do that. It’s one of those things that, if I was in the crowd for, I’d think the guy doing that was a dipshit…especially if he was playing the type of music I make.
Ideally, the music is playing and the crowd is either dancing or simply just nodding along with it. THere’s also the faction of people on drugs just kinda hovering like zombies with their eyes closed. I’d venture to guess they’re actually enjoying the show the most out of everyone.
I will say this about the types of dancing I get at my shows: the emergence of hula hoops and shit like that is a bug out. I got no issue with it , it’s just such a funny concept to me. Perhaps cause I don’t come from a rave culture and , if someone bought a hula hoop to a rap show they’d be laughed out of the venue. But that kinda stuff and other rave/burning man type shit is so foreign to me that it will never not crack me up when I see it.

You’ve mentioned in the past that you self-released Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book because you thought it didn’t represent your certain Ninja Tune persona. So two questions. 1) Why did you decide to make a record like it (upbeat, rock-ish, etc.)? Was it a conscious decision, like “I’m gonna make something different” or was it just a natural progression while you were making the album, and eventually you just realized that they wouldn’t dig it? And 2) would you ever make another album sounding like it, or is that kind of stuff not what you consciously think about when you start making an album?

1)I did consciously make an upbeat album. What happened was , I had all these upbeat tracks that I wasn’t using. No rapper was gonna use them and they might not work as well in the structure of an album full of downtempo shit. So, I thought, “what the fuck?”. Why not put these all together in a collection. At first, I was planning on putting the album out myself. I wasn’t even going to ask ninja tune but I figured I might as well let them hear it , in case they had any interest. They heard it , liked it and wanted to put it out. Then the list of samples came back to them and they no longer wanted to put it out (understandably). So, we came up with a compromise where they would distribute it but it wouldn’t be an official “ninja tune” album. Also, it would only be released in the states and it’s entire release would be done as 5000 cd’s. That’s it. The digital release was even small as a few of the tracks got taken off the album so , on things like I-tunes and amazon, the digital release was just an EP.
But to get back to the question, I wanted to try something different. I definitely was worried that people would think this is how every album I’d make from there on out would sound (which was justifiable cause music fans are nothing if not fickle and presumptive when it come to artists they like). SO, it was a “side project”. I actually even considered putting it out under an alias.
2) Eh…I don’t think so. I think that album served me well in the sense that it opened up peoples minds a little to the idea that I can make music that isn’t just sad and slow. So, from here on out (starting with “The music scene”) , if I wanna dabble in something more dancey, I can do that. That album gave me a license to be more versatile on future albums. But I can’t imagine a time when I’m gonna want to make an entire album like that again.

I don’t live in the states, and every time I see another huge budget Hollywood movie based heavily on American Patriotism i wonder if the government actually commissioning these things. What we need is another Team America to take the piss out of all that. Maybe I think that just cuz most people I’ve met (including me) find American nationalism hilarious. That’s people outside the states, though. What’s it like living there? Does anyone make fun of patriotism?

It’s hard for me to say cause living in NYC can be kinda like living in a bubble. I’m not around people who are all about america and how it’s the land of the free blah blah blah. That’s some fly over state shit. It’s possible to love your country but also not be blindly faithful to it. I’m far more “New york, love it or leave!” than anything cause, really, most of the rest of this country is pretty awful.
This country does some extremely fucked up things on a fairly regular basis. So many things, in fact, that I don’t even try to keep up with them. It’s just how it is. I think part of being a live now if kind of accepting that everything is fucked up. It sounds defeatist but , in relaity, there is very little we can do to off set the path we’re on. So, for a passive yet selfish guy like myself, I just kinda shrug my shoulders and hope it doesn’t fly off the rails while I’m still alive.
I will say this though, regarding how people from europe view people in the states. I’ve noticed that, sometimes, I’ll post something on my facebook wall making a joke about something stupid (fast food is actually a great example) i saw and tons of euro people will come out the woodworks like “That’s so american! Silly americans! LOL!”. That kinda shit is annoying and does actually awaken a weird sense of patriotism in me. Cause, you know you motherfuckers don’t live here. You THINK you know what goes on here but you’re no less aware of it than we are of what goes on in your neck of the woods. No matter how many newspapers or websites you check, it’s still not your topic to feel the need to vocalize on unless you’re inside of it. I would never say snarky shit about a country I’ve never been to. Well…I would…but I’d be joking and not pulling some “holier than thou” shit like it seems lots of european people like to do when addressing how dumb americans are. Yes…many of us are morons. But I’m fairly certain that works both ways as stupidity as a world wide problem , not just limited to the red states in the US.

Demo Reviews Vol. 25

Well, It’s once again time for my bi-weekly ritual of listening to demos sent in my readers and giving my thoughts on them. I’m not even gonna lie to you..this weeks batch is pretty half assed. Usually there is at least one shining star per week but, not so much with this collection. I don’t know..maybe I’m just not in the mood to listen to these things today or they’re actually as painfully mediocre as I think they are. You tell me. If I’m being to harsh, I’d like to know.
Also, you people keep sending me demos. STOP THAT. i’m not accepting submissions. When I am, you’ll be the first to know. I’ll announce it and everything. If you’ve sent me a submission over the last few weeks, know that it as ignored. Sorry but thems the rules dudez.
Reviews are done like so:
A write up of my thoughts then I rate the songs in these categories from 1-10:


Okay, so let’s get into this weeks crap. Lemme know if I’m off base or if these actually are as lame a haul as i think they are.

Artist: Andro Beat Feat. Ricky Pharoe
Song: Dopamine Highway

I could swear this person has submitted before. Too lazy to prove it but, if that’s the case, stop doing that.
Anyway, this is hit and miss. On the hit side, the rapper is good. Sounds like a Living legends kinda dude. Pretty refined, style wise. On the Miss side, his vocals are mixed terribly so it kinda overrides the the good. This beat is…eh. I don’t like it. It’s not terrible but it just doesn’t really bring much to the table. The drums sound like some “Art of noise” mid 80’s shit but that may be on purpose. The bass riff is decent but that’s the only redeeming part of the whole beat to me and it gets buried the second the drums drop in.
3.5 out of 10
5 5 out of 10
4 out of 10.
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Kuley
Song: We are the change

This guy can certainly rap. Nowadays, doing double-time rapping is way less impressive than it once was but still, I gotta give credit where credit is due. Even if the inflections are very eminem-ish. That said, this song also shows a different kinda of “White voice”. Normally, “white voice” refers to a more nasal , whiny voice. But, this type of white voice is a little less common. It’s got a Kermit the frog aspect to it. In my opinion, it’s far less annoying than the other type but still something I don’t love.
As for the beat, It’s fine. Doesn’t stand out but it also doesn’t hurt the over all song.
I will say that the chorus and the verses don’t really make sense in how they relate too one another but, hey, he’s not the first or last rapper to do that.
 4 out of 10
5 out of 10
4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10


This is a tough one to review cause it’s technically totally good. I think my problem is that it’s a type of song that’s been done a billion times. Hyped up beat, hype chorus and a bunch of rappers “Going in”. The issue is that neither the beat or the rappers are interesting. They can rap just fine and the beat isn’t bad…but what compels a person to wanna hear this kinda thing when there are plenty of others song exactly like this only done better? But, yeah, it’s definitely not bad. The movie clip sampling on the verses gets a little tiresome though.
4 out of 10
4.5 out of 10
4 out of 10
Originality:2.5 out of 10

Artist: Autarkeia
song: Don’t let your avante-garde down

This is barely a song. I mean that in the sense of it’s got like 2 or 3 parts total. Some minor drums changes. Throwing a vocal sample of some dude talking doesn’t magically turn your “beat” into a “song”. The parts are all okay. It’s a typical sad/wistful piano joint that I’d guess most instrumental producers make at least 4 times in their career (I’m certainly guilty as charged!).
4 out of 10
4.5 out of 10
Originality:2 out of 10

Artist: Beatcasso

First off, fuck this song title…Right off the bat, you got me wanting to hate this. Add on that the name is “Beatcasso” and this is an uphill battle.
Now that I’m done with my pre-song judgements…Much like the song above, this isn’t much of a song. It’s got a few parts. and most of the changes don’t happen till the song is almost over. The beat itself is pretty cool. But unless someone is gonna rap or sing on this , it needs much more to carry it as a stand alone piece.
4.5 out of 10
5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Indywrecks
song: Never walk out on you

I actually got this loop in my files as well. But that’s neither here not there…
What is here, however, is that this is some bullshit. It’s literally a loop. Sure, that vocal comes in…but it’s from the same fucking song. This is not a song! This is barely a beat! Yes, the loop is cool. But a monkey with two tape decks could have made this. What’s going on this week with the lazy producers? Making beats is one things. A “beat” can be anything. A loop. A few sounds. A beat is an unfinished product. A “song” is something different. Please stop sending me beats. I want songs. I’m not your buddy you smoke blunts with and play your beats for against his will. The purpose of this column is to review finished products, not some shit you threw together in 20 minutes (Pretty sure this woulda been made in about 3 minutes and I’m not even being an asshole when I say that).
2 out of 10
4 out of 10

Artist: Lame Herc
Song: That’s nothing to brag about

This is just sorta corny. It’s not bad but I feel like this is some emo shit that’s just not in my wheelhouse. That said, there certainly is an audience for this kinda song, I’m just not it. It’s kinda like some Macklamore shit or something. The loop of the beat is cool. The layer is nice. The drums are weak.
4.5 out of 10
4 out of 10
4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Dyllan Capeles
Song: Hell hole

Definitely could trim down that intro a little there, guy. If your movie clip intro goes over 1 minute, it’s time to cut it in half.
This beat is not my shit. I just don’t like these types of beats. Synthy “dark” shit that don’t really carry any sort of mood besides “dark”.
The rappers are okay. The first guy is a good voice away from being decent. The second guy actually has a good voice but lacks some of the skill. The third guy sounds like Canibus on a relaxed day.
I dunno…When i hear, moody, angry rap i need it to either be clever , insightful or funny. This was none of the above. It was too serious which makes it kinda sound ridiculous. Like “oh shit, are you really a warlock!?!?”
3 out of 10
4.5 out of 10
4 out of 10
Originality:3.5 out of 10

Artist: Out in the garden
Song: What tomorrow brings

Goddamnit…This started so promising. The sample (or live instruments?) layering was great. It sounded like a perfect song for a movie. Then the drums drop. Ughh…that needs work. That said, every part of the instrumentation on this is excellent. Dope layering from front to back. The beat evolves. The only set back was the drums. They get a little better as it goes but this would be a seriously dope joint if a better break had been used or better drums sounds had been chosen.also, the fuzzed out ending seems unnecessary.
5.5 out of 10
5.5 out 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Seth Asher Greenberg
Song:On the run

This sounds like if the Meters were playing at a country club. Totally non-offensive background music. Like the kind of shit you’d hear in the background of an episode of Matlock during a chase scene. It’s not bad…I just don’t know it’s purpose. Live drums? A lot of how I’m perceiving it has to do with how it’s recorded. it just sounds sorta cheap. Also, the Seinfeld bass sound is a no-go forever and beyond.
4 out of 10
4 out of 10
Originality:3.5 out of 10
Well, what do you think?

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 28

Back again with that sage advice you all desire, with half the calories and logic.
I’m not a professional but I am honest and I do enjoy hearing about other peoples problems. So, if you have a problem of the heart that you need some advice on, I’m your guy. I won’t fix you, but I’ll at least give you some perspective from a person who doesn’t know you or really care about you.
If this type of thing interests you, send me your questions. Email me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the question in the comment section below. Both ways work wonderfully.
This weeks batch has a few abstract/basic questions. But it wouldn’t be an “ask Dr. Tony” without at least one meandering novella. I guess you could say, this week HAS IT ALL!


I could really use some help with my love life. I’m 18 and I’m about to enlist in the Army. I broke up with a girl that was 16 about five months ago (I’m still a virgin). This girl and I don’t have very much in common; I like your music, alt rock, classic hip hop, she likes One Direction and Daddy Yankee. She reads People magazine, I read Ernest Hemingway and Nietzsche. Only thing is, she still likes me in “that way” (DTF), she’s probably a good 8.5/10, and I’m a pretty shy guy.

My question is this: should I keep writing to this girl, wait two years, be good to go on leave and run the risk of being a manipulative bastard and enormous regret? Or should I just call it off once and for all and run the risk of being a virgin until I go to college at 22/losing my V-card in a seedy Korean strip club?

I kinda get the feeling , no matter what you do, this one is out of your hands. You’re going away for two years. She’s a hot young girl who probably twerks on youtube to Daddy Yankee. I’m pretty sure she’s not gonna wait around for you. I’d maybe see a point if you had a connection or even liked her (which it doesn’t sound like you do) but, even then, you’re far too young to be holding on to something this frail.
You virginity will eventually be no more and , though I understand the desire to want to get that out of the way, putting all your eggs in her basket is just setting yourself up for a disaster. You might come back from duty to see her pregnant for all you know. And you are not the father, bro,
That said, there’s nothing wrong with staying in touch. You never know. It could pan out and you might one day, in fact, hit it. But do not put an iota of emotional worth into it. Just keep reminding yourself that while you’re out there serving the country, she’s very likely blowing some dude who bar tends at a TGIFridays or works at an auto parts dealership.

Why do so many people seem to reserve the most unfeigned positions of their hearts for people who truly despise them?

Is this a Taylor swift lyric? Perhaps something Jared Leto once wrote? Whatever the case, abstract question, dude.
People just want to be accepted. As much as we all say “I don’t give a fuck”, sadly, most of us do. Deeply. So, when you meet someone that you can tell isn’t giving you the respect you deserve and/or are giving to them, one of two things happens.
1)You immediately hate that person and want to fight them/never talk to them again.
2)You cannot understand why this person doesn’t love you, cause you’re so fucking lovable, and you go our of your way to try and make this person like you. Even though, this person could not care less.

In terms of applying this romance , the desire to be loved it strong. It’s the same reason a girl will sleep with some creep she met at a bar and “had a connection with” then make up all these false realities in her head about them, only to be devastated when he never calls her and/or forgets her name. Some people are just more willing to throw their heart into the ring. unfortunately for those people, they have a knack for finding people who are unavailable and have no interest in stepping into the ring in the first place.
Clearly, this question comes from a place of heartbreak (and possibly a girls journal with a tiny lock on it cause her brother keeps trying to read it to his friends). So, to this person, I say just hold your head. Whatever that guy/girl did to you is par for the course of life. There will be more of this as life goes on but it does get easier every time. Heartbreaks and 808’s, amirite? KANYE knows what’s up.

I just slept with my ex today. I’m not sure how to feel about it. One part guilt, one part kinda wondering about us together, and one part wanting to tell her to fuck off next time. I’m not one to sleep with a lot of girls. Honestly, I only ever do in a relationship. We had a pretty bad break up. She’s a good bit younger than me and in college. I’m out on my own, have a job, and I’m actually looking at going BACK to college. She grew up in one of those tiny small towns where people live next to their parents until the parents die. Then they move into their house. Doesn’t help that apparently she’s got a reputation of being really immature for her age too…did I mention my mother taught her in high school?

Anyway, she liked to do things like blow up a small fight into something big. She would actually pretend to not be able to hear me and just close her eyes in the middle if she decided she was fed up. Hell, she even flat out punched me a few times which she, amazingly, thought was fine. Actually, she once told me that all of the blow ups were fine. Lot’s of really juvenile crap like that. Don’t get me wrong, I certainly had my screw ups during the relationship and it doesn’t help that I went through what might be the worst bout of depression in my life. It’s definitely not all on her. The last time she hit me, I hit a cinderblock wall and left big crack in it. I also had to have surgery on my hand. Obviously, I’ve done some stupid shit and no one is ever always right in a relationship. I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes and have owned up to them though. I actually feel a lot better about life in general since then.

Then we started talking about a week and a half ago. I’ve been straight with her that I don’t want to be in a relationship but, yeah, I definitely miss some things about the relationship and have some unresolved feelings about the whole thing. She says it’s all physical, then I get used as an emotional tampon or she calls me multiple times a day just to talk. Plus she throws herself at me. It’s like a bizarro version of the friend zone. My guess is she’s not really sure how to handle her own feelings. I believe she doesn’t want a relationship…mostly because she’s got some really big hangups about the past. I do too. That’s where the guilt comes in. I am older, and frankly I was fine without talking to her. I almost feel like I’m just doing more damage to her by continuing to respond and then sleeping with her today. The wondering about the relationship comes in because, if things have changed on her side as well, it could be a pretty awesome thing. We always clicked. The wanting to tell her to fuck off comes from the fact that she’s already gotten pissy about two things. One of which was minor and the other had absolutely nothing to do with me. She did apologize for being a jerk. Plus, it seems like she can’t just be straight with about what’s up and still has trouble seeing some of the jacked up stuff she did. Part of me says that I should keep this on the side to see how it turns out. Then another says I’m just being a dick to her and I don’t need that crap in my life to begin with.

I’m a guy that genuinely likes long term relationships. Ideally I’ll find some girl that I’ll end up spending the rest of my life with. I don’t want to screw with someone and just make stuff worse for them either. You’re my only hope Dr. Tony! I’m also the only guy she’s ever slept with…or had a long relationship with…

First off “The last time she hit me, I hit a cinderblock wall and left big crack in it.”
Bro, you the incredible hulk? You cracked a cinder block? Jesus fucking christ.

This is an easy one that I think you knew the answer to before you even finished writing the question, So, if you need my validation, I can do that.
Not cause she’s a crazy person. Not cause you’re in danger. Do it cause she is not the girl for you.
“We always clicked.”
The only thing that sound like it clicked was your lego like penis into her vagina.
You relationship and her sound like a nightmare. Sure, the sex now is nice but, as you said, you’re not really bout that casual sex life. I think, because of this, it will be easy for you to get caught up in it and eventually end up back with her. Granted, this would last a week and eventually shit the bed terribly because you two have no business being together.
“I don’t need that crap in my life to begin with.”
If this is a thought that goes through your head and you are a “one day i will meet the girl of my dreams and settle down” kinda dude, then that’s all you need to know.
But, beyond all the flares you sent up that your head isn’t in this, I tend to think that couples who are based in explosive fights are doomed from the get go. When it all is said and done, if you’re gonna be with someone , getting along with them like a civil adult is your priority. Some people feed off drama and , while it may fuel some awesome and hateful fuck sessions, that shit can only last but so long. Think of it this way: You’ve been with her. You know how that goes. No amount of maturing is gonna change her THAT much. Maybe a lobotomy but I’m assuming that’s off the table.
So, cut your losses and bow out as gracefully as you can. she will be sad and mad but it’s for the betterment of the entire rest of your life.

Dear blockhead,

My mother in law hates me and she is a doo doo head

I need advice on how not to blow up at her

I think the golden rule of dealing with in-laws is just that…deal with it. Perhaps it’s because I’m a fairly emotionless person but I don’t find it difficult to totally disconnect from these kind of issues.
You’re only job is to treat their daughter right and be polite. If that’s not enough for them, fuck’em. Still, you gotta be polite though. Just let whatever bullshit they throw your way roll off you cause, in reality, who cares what these people think? They aren’t your parents. Look at them as two (assuming they’re both alive) people you have to deal with a few times a year. Smile, nod, make small talk, tell them what they want to hear and that’s it. They throw shade at you, just take it. Cause, like I said, WHO CARES WHAT THEY THINK. Sometimes you gotta eat a little shit just to keep things civil. Let your wife worry about all that shit. It’s her crappy family, not yours.

Yay or Nay? This Yeezus album


I’m only doing this cause of multiple requests I’ve gotten to do so. Clearly, people wanna see me go on a tirade about what a piece of shit Kanye is, yadda yadda yadda…well…That’s not gonna happen. But, I’m also not pitchfork.com so I won’t be doing any sword swallowing either. I could sum up a review of this album in a paragraph but a song by song breakdown seems more fitting. Before I even get into it, I wanna say that people, on both sides of this argument, are absurd. The extreme love and hate this album has gotten is concerning cause it’s as if no one is capable of simply thinking something is “okay” anymore. I understand this album is highly divisive and the internet (or music journalism) is highly reactionary but…jesus christ. People need to get it together. if you’re either getting angry at this album or masturbating to it, you’re a fucking ridiculous person.
On the pro side, it’s an out there pop rap record by one of the worlds hugest stars that isn’t pop at all. It barely has drums on it. On the con side, a large portion of it isn’t exactly enjoyable to listen to. unless you’re a goth who likes to go to ibiza, in which case this album will be a life changing experience.
But, before I get into my thoughts, I wanna know what you think?
Ye or Nay (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?!?!?!?!).

Now that you’ve voted, here’s my take on it…
Keep in mind, I’m not a music critic. Just a guy who listened to this album a few times. An album, I might add, that I sure as hell could never make if I tried. So, please read this from the perspective of a fan and not a fellow artist. What I’m trying to say is there are no “I’m an artist too!” sour grapes going on over here. Just a guy listening to an album by another guy. I should also add that i actually kinda like Kanye as a rapper. People give him shit but he’s pretty entertaining to me.
Also, there’s a good chance a lot of these youtube clips will be nixed soon or already are so my apologies for that if it happens. Luckily, google exists and , if you really need to listen along, it’s not impossible.

On sight:

On the albums opener, Kanye sets the stage with was can best be described at a “Valiant attempt at something”. I’m not really a guy who gets too deeply involved with caring about obscure sub-genres and the songs that reference them so this just sounds like some electro shit to me. I’m sure sure whoever made the beat (It wasn’t Kanye, it was Daft Punk and like 7 other people) could site all sorts of inspirations for this track but , to me, it’s a just sort of grating. It’s also where we see the formula for this album begin. That Formula being Kanye rapping like Kanye (Which , like I said, I actually enjoy) over beats that are not typical to hip hop. Stuff like this will both give you a 9.5 on Pitchfork as well make many fans of your older work hit the “skip” button.

Black Skinhead:

Major props to Kanye to being the first rapper to really Utilize the drums from Gary Glitter’s “Rock and roll anthem part 2”. Lord knows that child molester needed some shine.

This song is one that is simply not for me but I get it. I have no interest in listening to this shit ever again but it serves it’s purpose. It’s one of the more “out there” songs while also being the most commercial joint on the album. That’s actually quite a feat if you think about it. It’s the one most critics will point to when they justify how much they suck off this album. To me, it’s like if Outkast’s “Hey ya” was made by someone is a really shitty mood.

I am god:

I gotta say. He does sound hungry on some of these tracks. He’s always been an emotional rapper who kinda got over more on his attitude than his content. This is no different. Sure, calling a song “I am a god” is baiting people and trolling but, outside of the title, he’s not exactly saying anything he hasn’t said before on each of his albums prior to this.
Also, of all the ibiza goth themes on this album, this track was a drum track away from being the game changer…of ibiza goth theme songs.

New slaves:

I like this joint. Maybe cause it’s first song on the album doesn’t sound like it’s trying too hard to be cutting edge. Again, Kanye has been talking about this same topic since his first album. That said, he’s kinda good at it.
I’m curious if Kanye is riding the “No drums” wave that has been popular in some hip hop corners for a while now. Whatever the case, I gotta hand it to him for making so many songs that could have a chance to ever get run on the radio or MTV. It’s bold. However, I’m not a person that equates boldness and genius. That’s a whole other discussion.

Hold my Liquor:

I feel like “New slaves” is where this album takes a turn. He stock piled all the “heady” weird songs up front. . Then he stacked the middle with his emotional joints. I fuck with this song. Definitely my favorite beat on the whole album. I even like the auto tunes Chief Keef part. That surprised even me.

I’m in it:

I think I’ve reached the point where i no longer need to hear sex themes from rappers not named “Necro” ever again. I get it…you eat ass. Good for you, bro. You also fucked the worlds most vapid cunt and put a baby in her so, clearly, you’re kind of a moron.
These kinda songs just always just seem like thinly veiled self promotion for how much you put it down in bedroom. Hearing Kanye say “Wet mouth” makes me kinda want to vomit but then he cracks me up where he says “Put my fist in her like civil rights sign”. Still…Fuck this song. I’m not even mad at it…I’m just more rolling my eyes at it.

Blood on the Leaves:

Oh cool! It’s like Kanye doing a duet with Nina Simone! The streets have been waiting!
Here’s a concept: You’re Kanye. It’s 2013. You’re regarded as one of the most forward thinking producers/musicians in modern pop music. how bout you fall back on the auto-tune? If you can’t hit the notes, get someone who can to sing it. You know Frank Ocean. Get him to sing that shit. It’s not like people would question your artistic integrity. You can still drop your verse at the end so it’s technically your song. Just saying.
This song has a dope beat though. No question about it. But it’s yet another case of the heavy and somber feel of a song not matching the depth of the lyrics. This has the makings of something far weightier than him rapping about a divorce. But that’s the thing..Kanye isn’t deep. Sorry. he isn’t. I’ll be the first to say he’s far more clever than people give him credit but deep? Nah, b.

Guilt Trip:

I don’t wanna keep harping on this auto-tune shit but…goddamnit.
This is “heartbreaks and 808’s” outtake business right here. It’s again him “rapping” over production that isn’t typical to hip hop. But that’s the whole album. I dunno. This joint is just kinda boring. It might work at like 5 am though. But, AGAIN, what the fuck is he babbling about on this track? “Let me goooooooo…” is the “Do I make you Horny?Yeahhhh baby” of played out R&B catch phrases.

Send it up:

This song kinda exemplifies my biggest issue with the album. It’s a bunch of songs trying something different (in the realm of popular hip hop), which is applaudable but the results are kinda thin , synth-y joints with not much to say. It’s not like they’re even an enjoyable listen. A lot of them sounds like unfinished Nine Inch Nails demos with rapping on them.

Bound 2:

This will be every old rap heads favorite song by far. Why? Cause he’s rapping over a soul sample and not dark , drumless synths. It’s as if he tagged this on the end to make all his old fans who aren’t music critics happy. Well, it worked! Say what you will but you can drain more emotive qualities out of an old soul loop than dark synths over a thumping kick.
And, to take it further,Kanye simply sounds better over these types of beats They fit his silliness. He’s simply not a serious enough rapper to pull off these dark brooding songs. He’s way more in his lane when he’s just fucking around over soul loops. Still, all that said, this song does seem like him stepping backwards. But I’m sure a lot of people would have prefered that in the first place.