I hooked up with Riff Raff Part 2

So, a few weeks ago I ran a piece where I anonymously interviewed a girl who hooked up with Rapper/internet sensation Riff Raff. It wasn’t really me digging for dirt on the dude but it was more like a social workers curiosity. I’ve said it many times that the guy is an enigma. Is he for real? Is he a joke? He’s a referencing things we simply don’t understand?
I thought that talking to girls who had perhaps had his penis inside them might shed some light. Through a third party I was able to interview two girls.
Here’s the first one:

In the second installment, we meet a girl who didn’t actually sleep with Riff Raff. She just hooked up and did “everything else” with him but dipped before that happened.
I gotta say, I came into this idea thinking I’d blow the mystique of the man away and we’d all learn that he’s either totally a fraud or 100% genuine. Well, two interviews later, I can’t say I know…which makes him even more of a mystery. So, here’s interviews number 2 with a girl who hooked up with Riff Raff, Rap game Rubiks Cube.

How did you meet Riff Raff?

At a hotel on a Sunday evening while friends were doing a photo shoot with him. We had actually met once or twice before but I’m sure he did mot remember.

Were you attracted to him when you met him?
Not at all. Well maybe in a throwback wiggery way. I mean I love wiggers now, but a more subtle one.

Who was the aggressor , in terms of flirting and things escalating to a sexual level?
Riff Raff. Was so not even remotely flirting. He tried to push up on me while I was coming out of the bathroom and I was all- Get outta here. We were in a hotel room with a few friends. everyone was drinking heavily for an early Sunday eve. It was time for everyone to leave. We all exit and I’m waiting for my car at valet and so was he. He came over and said that I should go with him. I was all- With you? No way.

Keep in mind we barely spoke to each other inside. He kept trying to reason, asking me why. I said I had to work in the am. So he says-I’ll get you tow work in time tomorrow and I promise you’ll have a good time.

At this point I’m thinking about all of my friends and essentially take one for the team and get in his car, also I want to figure out if he’s real or not. I’m semi freaking cause I’m in a car with this freak show who is driving and for sure has had a ton to drink and done a bunch of blow. I start texting a couple of friends that we were just with at the hotel, that I’m in the car with Riff Raff. They’re all WHATTT, as we hardly spoke during hotel room photo shoot party. I was definitely thinking about just getting out of the car somewhere and calling a cab. Total escape mode.

The rest of the story is fairly self incriminating so I will keep it brief.

-He owns an albino snake
-He has samurai swords all over the walls like some bootleg Wu-Tang shit.
-He has awful red leather couches
-He’s pretty smart and pretty funny
-We ended up going to the studio where he proceeded to lay down like 10 different songs some over Portishead tracks
-He made sure to rap about me
-I woke up with Riff Raff forever written in my hand in Sharpie
-He sleeps in a do-rag
-He told me to call him Jody
-His fronts were on the nightstand next to my head
-He offered to drive me home but I declined and Ubered

Is Riff Raff Charming?

Was any part of sleeping with Riff Raff doing it because there’s something funny about being able to say you had sex with Riff Raff?
I wouldn’t fuck him, but all the rest…. Sure. Was for the story and I was curious.

Have you slept with other “famous” people before?
Riff Raff is famous??? Internet famous. And yes. I have slept with famous people.

Did he break out of character at any point? If so, when and how? If not, he’s actually that guy?

No. He is him. A caricature of himself maybe. He believes it and I guess that’s what makes the myth the man.

I feel as if most men are most honest and vulnerable post orgasm. Would you say this was true of Riff Raff?
I do not agree with this statement in general.

Were drugs and alcohol involved in your personal time with Riff Raff? if so, what?

DUH. Guess

Did you enjoy sleeping with Riff Raff? Any regrets?
Again, I did not go full fuck mode with him but no, no regrets.

Would you do it again?
Nope. Once was more than enough

After it was all said and done, what is your take on Riff Raff, as a man? Good guy? Misunderstood genius? Retarded clown?
All of the above

And there you have it. So…yeah. I have no idea. I feel as though 2 testimonies simply aren’t enough to really explain anything but, hey, they make for a fun read. Also, thanks to this girl, whoever she is, for answering my questions and thanks to my third party for supplying me with girls willing to spill the beans about hooking up with a man who calls himself Riff Raff and was on “G’s to Gents”. The whole thing got me feeling like this:

24 thoughts on “I hooked up with Riff Raff Part 2

  1. G’s to Gents!!! Thanks for the throw back, best-bad show I’ve ever seen!

    On another note, just noticed something in the background of your banner photo that I can’t UNSEE!!! Changes the whole context for me. Used to think it was a hilariously timed coincidence, but nope, EVERY girl here is in on the joke (including the phat friend in question). I can’t know for sure but I’m preeetty confident I’m right….why?

    Look at how the girl directly to the right of said phat friend is the ONLY one with bare feet and look at how her shoes are NEATLY placed behind her in the grass. When I was their age, I remember my friends would mess around with physical stunt pics using things they learned from cheerleading – pyramids, pop-ups, etc. What’s the NUMBER ONE GIRL RULE when it comes to leveraging your body against another’s for a stunt? Socks and shoes OFF, bitches! That’s just common courtesy. It makes sense that this group wanted the barefooted girl to initiate the move, as she seems like the most lightweight AND the most coordinated of the bunch. Soooooo – what really actually happened in this picture is the following: Phat friend bent her knees and anchored herself really low to the ground… the barefooted girl then positioned both of her feet on phat friend’s right thigh….the phat friend started to slowly rise from the earth while simultaneously keeping her feet firmly planted on the ground….the barefooted girl was then catapulted into the air and an open-ended chain reaction occurred! Captured by the camera on the third or fourth try, naturally.

    • I’d like to think I’m being a hair more respectful. I’m not asking about his dick size and sexual details. Just insights on what the dude might really be like….cause his persona is pretty fascinating.

  2. Thanks for doing this; I love reading these. I’ve been wondering about this persona of a man since he started hangin out with Cat Marnell. You know she’s an act so I question him too.

  3. am i the only one who questions how both girls are witty and articulate? does jodi high roller have good taste like that? blockhead could very well have written this whole thing.

    • Dude, do you really think I’d do that? These are 100% real. These girls are most likely “cool” scene-y hipster types and , for what it’s worth , those types tend to be fairly articulate and funny.

      • that’s true. my reference was the hot girls from high school and what they say on facebook statuses. its pretty bad.

      • but how you jumped on that kid who wanted to show them to riff raff was pretty suspect.

      • Dude, take your tinfoil hat off. If I were to make up shit don’t you think I’d at least make it crazy?
        also, Did I really jump on him, though? I was just like “Eh, if that’s what you wanna do but I can’t say I’d be thrilled if you did” kind of response. Not cause it’s made up but cause you never know how shit like this is gonna be taken. Riff raff could be infuriated, he could not care or he could be cool about it. I don’t really know. But the intention of doing these wasn’t to fuck with the guy. And that kid who wanted to show it to him clearly was on some “Hey riff raff! Look what the website said about you!” snitch shit.

    • It could easily happen. I’m not exactly gonna push to make it happen though. I’d LOVE for him to give his side of these stories (if he could even remember them).

      • I had a different scenario. He finds your address and one day you open your door and BAM, riff is over there. I’d like to see that “What tha Hell!” face :)))

        Another question: He asked you to make an album at the end of the conversation. Your reaction?
        A) Call 911
        B) Asking someone if you are daydreamin’
        C) Aight
        D) Illuminati

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