Answers for questions vol. 140

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Good day to you, sir.
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. That thing where you ask me stuff and I answer it. Almost nothing is off limits. If you have any questions you’d like me to tackle (be them personal, abstract or opinion based), send them my way. Email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. All I ask is that you be a little creative. Were on vol. 140 now so, as you can imagine, a lot has been covered.
This week is an informative one…Let’s go!

Hey can you talk about changing Daylight into Nightlight? Why did you do it? and if you like Nightlight better? (sorta fits aesop’s songs styles more being raw and very gritty)


That was Aesop’s idea. We were putting together the “Daylight” ep and had been discussing the idea of a remix of “Daylight”. This was a long time ago so the memories are little fuzzy but I seem to recall both of us not being into the idea of simply just taking the vocals and putting a new beat under it. Especially considering how the lyrics and the beat meshed so well. So, Aesop was over at my place one day and I played him some beats. One of which was the beat that would eventually become “Nightlight”. He didn’t hear it and immediately tell me what he was gonna do with it but he did jump on it, in terms of wanting to use it. He probably called me (Again, it was a long time ago) and told me what his plan was after that and the rest is history.
I will say this though. Back then, I would sometimes make beats with him in mind. He would rarely end up using those beats cause what he would and wouldn’t like was never that predictable. But, in the case of the beat for “Nightlight”, I made that specifically with him in mind and he took it. So that was one of those rare times when that actually worked out. That was always a personal victory for me.

·What do you think about people who call themselves “Hip-Hop Heads” ?? People who always claim to know the most about Hip-Hop.. Personally, I find them annoying as fuck. What do you think about these people?

I think that’s a product of youth. I was like that when I was younger. I know tons of people who were. It’s definitely something you look back on with a blushing face cause that kind of know-it-all nerdery goes hand in hand youthful self obsession. I can remember being like 19 and talking to other kids about hip hop and immediately just writing them off cause they didn’t know about something or another. Granted, this was before the internet so acquiring knowledge on things actually took time and dedication but still…No one likes a smug asshole. Especially if that person is smug about being into hip hop.
It’s weird to meet these types today cause, I find, they sorta live in a bubble. They’re typically people with pretty closed minds (which is rarer today than it was 20 years ago). They’re the same type of people who will tell you who is and isn’t a sell out and get mad at anyone who raps about guns and drugs , as if it’s impossible to be both good at rapping and rap about those topics. It’s short sighted and boring of them but, hey, I was once like them so I understand.
Basically, being an annoying “hip hop head” is only something you realize is kinda corny after you’ve been through it. It’s like a rite of passage for hip hop nerds. The goal is to graduate from that train of thought into the zen like stasis of not really caring THAT much about anything…or , as it’s known to the rest of the world, adulthood.

Hi Blockhead

You mentioned a little while ago when you were about to do a European tour that we shouldn’t bitch about you not coming to our towns as you only go where you’re invited: how does that work? Do you have a promoter, self promote, wait for invites or a mix of things?

It’s pretty simple. I go where where the offers are. No one is offering me shows in places like London or Amsterdam so I don’t play those places. I’d love to…but ,at the moment, it’s not in the cards. Meanwhile, I’ll get offers to play eastern europe and germany all the time so those might actually work out. I have a booking agent in the US and in Europe and they basically just field offers and feel out where I might find interest from in local promoters. My US booking agent had a little more pull cause I’ve been touring here for years so, getting me a show in a random city for a tour is easier. The money might not be that great but it’s doable. Where as getting a show in europe is way more complicated due to the travel costs.
So, when i say “I only go where I’m invited” I mean that literally. If I haven’t played your city/country/town it’s cause no one from that particular place is offering me money to play there. and, if they are, they’re offering me shitty money that isn’t worth my time/travel expenses. One thing is for certain, I do not pick and choose where I play. So, yeah, if you live in a place I never play but think I could get a decent show, holler at my booking agents!
US:Chris@autonomousmusic.org
Europe: Lothar@Dailyoperation-agency.com

How did your basketball game evolve with age? I mean, I’m 25 and shit ain’t the same as when I was 18. I don’t even want to know how it will be in mid 30s, I might retire by then:) My right knee and left ankle are bothering me constantly. I used to be this speedy guy who would dribble the ball with pretty good handles and get to the rim where I would finish with a variety of floaters (also, have you noticed that floaters make people really mad? they think it is a lucky shot who got in by accident and mercy of god, even though I hit them constantly) but now I just try to avoid quick movements and I just try to box out every time and go for every rebound available (I pretty much ignored it before, because I would spend so much energy on attacking the basket) while playing in the post more on offense and trying to be a spot up shooter from distance. Also what kind of player are you on offense/defense/rebounding and what were you in your prime? Isn’t it great to be asked this kind of question, you feel like a professional athlete while answering it

My game has changed drastically. When I was young, I was an inside player with crazy leaping ability. All i did was rebound and shoot around the basket. I had a short effective bank shot but, otherwise, from 12 feet out I was worthless. When I was in my early 20’s, I tore three ligaments in my right ankle and was on the shelf for about a year (no health insurance means no rehab for the ankle so I just had to wait for it to heal slowly). When I finally came back, I had lost about 8 inches in my vertical leap (I used to be able to dunk but ,post injury, I could barely grab the rim) and some speed/reflexes. So I started changing my game. I worked on my outside game more and got a decent , albeit hot and cold, jump shot and I worked on my post game. I got a couple of decent moves down there but cause I’m only 6 feet tall, I don’t get to use them that often. But, more than anything, I started picking up crafty old man moves and moving away from my former athleticism. English off the back board, various fakes, bankshots. Shit like that.
As I stand now, I’m a capable 2/3. I can shoot decently, I can pass decently and I can rebound decently but I’m not great at any of those things. My handle is pretty lame but I can pull a good crossover out every now and then. Think a wacker lamar odom type. Depending on the game I can be a #1 scoring option or a guy who just sets picks and gets rebounds. One thing is for sure though, I’m a shitty defender. I’m lazy as fuck and almost always gamble and go for the blocked shot instead of actual smart defense. This leads to me getting scored on a lot but I also block a few shows a game so it might seem like I’m actually playing more Defense than I actually am.
In terms of aging with basketball, my only advice as that you need to accept your limitations and work with them. I play with some dudes in their 50’s on occasion and , while they’re old and slow, they can still be effective if they understand their roll and their strengths.

Do you think white voice applies to white people of all nationalities? Here in Australia, the rap scene is overwhelmingly composed of white males, does this mean it’s a scene composed entirely of terrible white voice and thus terrible rap? Or do you think it’s an American thing?
Until I had a british dude freak out at me about in my comments section I had never thought about it. This is because I don’t listen to rap in languages I don’t understand so to even begin to think about that would mean I’d have to listen to a bunch of that shit. But, to be honest, he had a point. The “white voice” is a very north american thing. It’s whiny, nerdy, off beat and seemingly only exists in the US and Canada. I don’t know why that is…Surely there are white nerds all over the planet. Maybe our language just opens itself up for certain pronunciations. Like that super dorky white midwest twang that only a real peckerwood could have. Whatever it is, it’s a bummer but it’s also a fact of life. Sorry american white rappers. You don’t all have it…but MOST of you do. Much like limitations to your aging basketball game, rappers with “white voice” need to just accept it for what it is and ove forward from there.

Yo Block, with Father’s Day just around the corner, I was wondering what your relationship with your dad was like? (no homo). Did he take you to the park and movies and stuff like that? Did he ever talk to you about sex and drugs? Did he like your rmusic?

My dad was 60 when I was born. I’m the youngest of 7 (5 from a previous marriage). He was also about 75% deaf at the time cause he lost most of his hearing in World war two. When you add his age plus his hearing issues , I’d be lying if I said we were extremely close. We did stuff together but it was limited by both those things and the fact that he was very much an artist. What I mean by that is that he was one of those guys who would just disappear into his studio for the majority of the day. His focus and attention was very much his artwork. Even when he was dying and couldn’t recognize his own children, he was still fucking around with clay and making little sculptures.
That said, when I was younger we did play some sports (tennis and softball) together and he definitely gave me a subscription to playboy when i was 12 (which was a real game changer). We never had a sex or drugs talk but he was one of those dudes who would just drop random wisdom bombs on your out of nowhere that would resonate deeply. I honestly don’t even think he would realize it but he had a knack for timely wisdom. I say “timely” cause , like I mentioned earlier, he was deaf so it’s not like he was involved in a conversation. He’d just blurt out little jewels based entirely on his own perceptions of what was being spoken about in the room.
As for my music, he never really heard it…literally. He died when I was 20 so I was barely making beats at that point and, even if he had lived longer, he woulda been to deaf to hear it anyway. All he could hear was low end bass tones so he’d constantly complain about turning the music down…Which , you can imagine, was annoying to a teenager who enjoyed playing loud rap , hoping the one perk of having a deaf dad would be that the music could blast as loud as I wanted.
All in all, my relationship with my dad was more one of admiration than it was of closeness. He was an incredible and talented guy who lived an insane life. He definitely set the stage for me to think pursuing a career in the arts was not a crazy idea. He was respected and loved by his friends. His family was mostly in awe of him as well. But i think his physical limitations put a ceiling on how close he and I could really ever be. But I’ve long since accepted that it’s really no ones fault so, luckily, I don’t mope around about it. Instead, it’s a lot easier to just look back in great reverence and just be happy I had the time with him I did.

Yay or Nay: 3rdiiiUth

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These are some young mc’s from by way of maryland (I was originally told they were from Cali but I’ve since been corrected).
This is one of those Yay or Nay situations where I’m not sure where I stand. I suppose that’s kinda the reason I’m asking you guys.
On one hand, a few of these dudes can rap very well , they seem like they’re on their own shit and I like the beats. On the other, they did a song about weed in 2013 and , perhaps, they smoke too much weed to make songs with any focus. I dunno. I don’t think I’ve heard enough.
Also, I’m guessing the name is pronounced “Third Eye Youth” which is dangerously close to Third Eye Blind, so there’s that too.
So, peep this:


So, what do you think?

Fuck/Marry/Kill Vol. 24

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Welcome to another stunning edition of “Fuck/Marry/kill” (read in Gordon Ramsey voice). Just a heads up, there are some NSFW pics coming up so be prepared to shut off your browser if your nosey boss/teacher starts looming.
in case you’re new to this game and/or this blog/universe, this is where readers send me in three names. I pick which one I would fuck, which one I would kill and which one I would marry and then explain why. Let’s assume there is a gun to my head and these are my only options. It’s a simple game being played by an even more simple man. If you’ve got any ideas for future F/M/K options, leave them in the comment section below. Just try and be creative cause I’m 24 volumes deep into this shit now and there’s a good chance I’ve already fucked, married or killed whoever you’re thinking of. Anyway, on with the shit show…

F/M/K: children’s hospital Edition: lake bell, erinn hayes, malin akerman

Fuck: Malin Akerman
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Much like me, Malin Akerman has a big ass head. For that reason alone, us breeding would probably be a bad idea. The last thing the world needs is a another human that looks like a bobblehead doll. So, I’m not trying to marry her. However, she is a very hot girl who likes getting naked in her movies. This leads me to believe she’s a somewhat sexually liberated person. Every had sex with someone who’s “sexually liberated”? They let you do stuff. So, for that reason alone, I’m going with her to have sex with. Big head and all.

Kill:Erinn Hayes
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She’s pretty. Without question. But sometimes a girl will remind you of someone else and it’ll be a big turn off. In her case, she reminds me of a girl I went to college with for one year. She was this ratty punk girl who had a big crush on me and was always very “forward” about it. While this sounds like a lay-up, sadly, I was not attracted to her. She had this really manly jaw line. A jaw line so manly, she was nicknamed “Goatjaw”. Yeah…it’s fucked up. I didn’t even come up with that name but it’s what we referred to her as. So, sadly, Mrs. Hayes reminds me of Goatjaw so I’m afraid she’s gotta be taken out back and slaughtered. Perhaps made into a jamaican stew or something.

Marry: Lake Bell
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On the surface, Lake bell is a flawed but pretty jewess. But, being a man who watched that shit show “How to make it in america” on HBO, I know things that some of you may not know. Primarily, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRLS BODY?!?!?! Holy shit. I have never been more shocked by a nude scene in my life. I’m watching this scene and she pops her top off and…Silence. But you might be thinking “Okay, her body is next level but that’s no reason to marry her!”. You are correct. Beyond all that, she seems like a girl I’d get along with. A new york jew type. My people (not that I’m particularly jewish but I get along well with NY jew types). So, that plus the body? WIFED.

ATTENTION: IT’s about to NSFW up in the bitch!
F/M/K:Chick with a perfect (whatever that means to you) ass and nothing else good, A chick with perfect titties and nothing else good, A chick with a perfect face and nothing else good. (they all have great personalities, no kids, no baggage, etc.)

(This one’s for the feminists! just kidding but never forget that I don’t make these up. They’re submitted by my readers.)

Kill:Perfect titties
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This is a brutal choice. Cause I’m imagining a gargoyle with perfect breasts. I think I chose this cause while, as awesome as perfect tits are, they don’t dictate other body parts. You can have perfect tits and the rest of your body might look like a bean bag chair. What I’m saying is that tits are often deceiving. I know plenty of guys who are obsessed with them who’ve gone home with girls cause they wore the right shirt that night, only to wake up realizing they just hooked up with this:
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Never a good look.

Marry:Perfect Face
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(This was the girl scientifically proven to have the “Perfect face”, fyi. Not sure if I agree but that was a real study that happened)
The thing about a perfect face is that you can work with it. It ages well. Certain types of beauty can last a long time. A dope body will eventually fail us all. But a face? It’s got legs. Also, considering that , in both the other cases, we could potentially be dealing with snaggle toothed pirate wenches, the idea of marrying someone you’d actually want to kiss is appealing. It’s not like you can just marry some tits or only give your beloved wife backshots for her entire life. Sometimes, you might actually wanna look her in the eyes. So, the face gets married.

Fuck: Perfect ass
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I mentioned earlier how tits don’t dictate other body parts. well, asses do. A perfect ass is NEVER connected to a disgusting torso. It just isn’t. So, by having a perfect ass, I’m guaranteed a nice stomach, a nice back, and decent legs. That’s enough for me to have sex with. I’m pretty sure, in real life, I’ve slept with someone based on their lower torso. Of all the body parts, I think I have the most visceral reaction to a nice ass and flat stomach. It literally makes my mouth water. That said, in this scenario, I’m assuming that lower torso is attached to something truly horrifying but when you play Fuck/marry/kill, those are the stakes.

F/M/k:Annoying 90′s singer: Liz Phar, Sheryl Crow, Lisa Loeb.

Marry: Lisa Loeb

I think it’s in the DNA of most men to weirdly be attracted to girls that look like Lisa Loeb. Brown hair, dorky glasses, cute face. It’s pretty much the blueprint for hot hipster girls minus the stupid tattoos. It’s a surprisingly wife-able combo.
Also, she was never an angry type. She was more whiny. While that could pose a problem, I’m way more suited for eye rolling than I am for arguing so I’ll take whiny over angry any day.

Fuck: Liz Phair

I remember the first time I saw what Liz Phair looked like I was shocked. I had only heard her music and assumed she looked like Melissa Ethridge’s butthole. But no, she was actually a very normal looking, average white girl who could certainly be described as “pretty”. She’s a type of pretty that is very real. She’s a girl you’d see at a bar and gladly make out with with hopes of taking her home. She’s very safe in that way. In a way, she’s everyman’s “fuck”. A title, i’m sure ,she would vomit blood upon hearing.

Kill: Sheryl Crow

Sheryl Crow has continually been popping up on “Sexiest women” charts for over a decade now, much to the dismay of my brain and penis. She’s certainly not an ugly woman. She’s kind a pretty. Big teeth, strong jaw line. Shave her head and she’s be perfect in that Hillary swank movie about the girl who pretended to be a boy.
I don’t know…she’s just not sexy to me at all. Maybe it’s her hippie undertones that make me feel like she probably smells weird or it’s the fact that she’s looked like a really well preserved 45 year old since she was in her 20’s. Either way, somebodies gotta die tonight…

F/m/K: grape soda, orange soda, ginger ale

Marry: Ginger Ale
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I’m not a huge soda guy. Maybe it’s cause I’m an adult and there are always other options. Who knows? However, Ginger Ale is 100% my go-to soda. Did you know there are parts down south where they don’t typically carry ginger ale? What the fuck is that about? I once had someone make me ginger all out of random shit they had at the bar. Like pepsi and bitters. It almost tasted right but not quite. Regardless, I’d marry the fuck out of Ginger ale.

Kill: Orange Soda
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What kind of ingrate drinks orange soda past the age of 13? In a world of fake tasting beverages, orange soda is king. It tastes as much like oranges as tofu tastes like steak. Let’s be honest, in terms of sweet things, orange is the perennial loser. It’s the last starburst you eat. It’s gross on cakes. You’d rather eat a loaf of vomit than get those weird orange rind candies. They don’t even make pies out of it. Oranges are good for three things: Juice, Orangina and as a stand alone fruit. MAYBE sorbet. But otherwise? GTFOH orange soda.

Fuck: Grape Soda
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I know you’re thinking that everything I just wrote about oranges could be applied to grapes. Well, you’re kinda right. Except grapes make wine. I don’t even like wine but I’m sure some of you do so hopefully that’ll make this choice easier to swallow for you. I chose to fuck grape soda for one reason: Every now and then, I get a hankering for a grape soda. I don’t know why. It’s something that happens maybe once every 2 years but when it hits? shit. I NEED that fake ass grape taste in my mouth immediately. It’s like a pregnant woman’s craving. So, that alone wins it for me.

“I hooked up with Riff Raff” Part 1


Well, I didn’t…but someone did.

So, it’s safe to say that Riff Raff is a polarizing and fascinating character. I’m sure many of my readers have a visceral disdain for him but I’ve always leaned more towards the side of him being a very entertaining person with a unique game plan. I think what it comes down to is trying to get a handle on him as a person. Is he genuine? Is he a character? Is he a slightly exaggerated version of himself? Or is he 100% an act? The thing is, no one really knows. We’ve all seen clips of the guy being different people. Even in interviews where he seems to be acting sincere, you still can’t tell.

So, I had an idea. I have a friend who knows a lot of people. We were talking one day and it casually came up that she had a few friends that had hooked up with Riff raff (sexually). Immediately, my ears perked up. Partially cause hearing those kinda stories in general are alway fun but more so cause I felt like it might be a chance to , perhaps, shed some light on an enigma. So, I had the idea of making a questionnaire for these girls who had hooked up with him. My friend would then give them the questions and return the answers to me. This way, keeping the girls anonymity in tact. Even with this , a few girls declined. But two brave souls whom I’ve never met and have no clue as to their identity, stepped up to the plate. So, to them, I say thank you and , if I ever somehow meet you, drinks are on me.
While the questions are a little personal, I also tried to not go too into depth out of respect for both the girls and Riff Raff. So, sorry fellas, I’m afraid you’ll never know how big Riff Raff’s dick is!
The way I see it, I don’t know the dude. I’d imagine I’d be a little bummed out if my sexual exploits started popping up on the internet. Or maybe he doesn’t care? Who fucking knows. Regardless, this is less about the sex than about the way in which it went down and perhaps seeing Riff raff as a regular, red blooded man who wants to have sex with girls. It should also be noted that I’m just posting what the girls told me. Riff Raff might have a totally different view point on what went down and there are just one persons words. So, also take that into consideration.
So, here is the first interview subject.

How did you meet Riff Raff?

At Santo’s in August at one of his shows. I was introduced by a mutual friend backstage.

Were you attracted to him when you met him?

He definitely has a certain something. Mainly, he’s just fascinating to look at. He has a really striking, crazy face.

Who was the aggressor , in terms of flirting and things escalating to a sexual level?

He was. He was the one who initiated us hanging out and who texted me repeatedly over the weekend after our hookup to “hang out at the hotel”. One of the first things he said to me was, “Wanna make out at the after party?” Didn’t take much.

Is Riff Raff Charming?

Much more charming in performance. In person, he kind of has a mask on and doesn’t really look people in the eyes, or smile that much.

Was any part of sleeping with Riff Raff doing it because there’s something funny about being able to say you had sex with Riff Raff?

Well it certainly wasn’t for the fake MMDA and the scintillating conversation we had about LA vs. NYC. Yes, to be honest with you, that was the main reason I hooked up with him- it felt hilarious.

Have you slept with other “famous” people before?

Not actual famous people, just NYC scenester type famous people. Unfortunately, Riff Raff is the most famous person I’ve ever been with.

Did he break out of character at any point? If so, when and how? If not, he’s actually that guy?

He never once went on like he normally does in his videos. He was pretty quiet. After the show, we went to his hotel suite where his friends were snorting Mollies. He turned to me and nodded to go into his bedroom. We made out on his bed and had very average sex for ten minutes, and I was surprised at how sober and rational he was about everything. It felt like a high school hook up. Neither of us took off our sneakers.

I feel as if most men are most honest and vulnerable post orgasm. Would you say this was true of Riff Raff?

No. He definitely just lay there for a minute with his eyes closed, then looked me up and down suggestively, then got up to wash up.

Were drugs and alcohol involved in your personal time with Riff Raff? if so, what?

beer.

Did you enjoy sleeping with Riff Raff? Any regrets?

We used protection and everything, so no regrets there, thank god. It wasn’t good sex by any means but I think it’s funny it happened.

There was a new batch of girls coming in to the room post- hookup, which was skeevy and gross and I felt suddenly really old. So, because it was 4 AM, I got a room in the hotel that night to catch a few hours of sleep before going to work the next day. That means I spent three hundred bucks to have sex with him- bummer. But on the other hand, I went to work the next day wearing the same thing as the night before (minus underwear which was left in Riff Raff’s room) and the amazing secret that I had had sex with a guy who has BET tattooed to his neck and a cultivated zig zag beard. It just felt like I had a really juicy secret, and I LOVE that feeling. Priceless.

I still get texts from him when he’s in town, which is always a treat. I wish I knew what my name was in his phone, because he definitely doesn’t know what my name is.

Would you do it again?

I don’t think so. It was exhausting following him and his retarded bro’s around just to have sex for ten minutes and feel as though I was a part of a revolving door of 22 year olds. You never know, though!

After it was all said and done, what is your take on Riff Raff, as a man? Good guy? Misunderstood genius? Retarded clown?

He’s obviously narccisstic and I’m not sure who he is underneath his visual persona. He seems bored and affected unless people of note are watching him and he’s making himself to be a retarded clown/ misunderstood genius. He’s probably calculating and smart, albeit quiet and lonely at heart. But he could’ve just been zonked out on Mollies.

P.S. on the off chance that anyone reading this has hooked up with riff raff (or another interesting celebrity) and you’re willing to talk about it, holler at me phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Don’t holler at me if you are liar and feel like wasting my time though. you’re better than that…come on.

Answers for questions vol. 139

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Good morning everyone.
Hope all is well in your world. I woke up today feeling like I may have vertigo so, you know, that’s fun. Also, I just wanted to give a strong shout out to all the people in Atlanta who came out to my show this weekend. It was a lot of fun and the turnout was better than I ever expected. I hope to come back soon for sure.
Anyway, This is where I answer questions you ask. If you got any questions you feel need answering, send them my way. There are no stupid questions. Well, that’s not true. Most questions are pretty stupid but I’m willing to answer them just like i would the intelligent ones. So, if you wanna ask me something, send it to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below.
Let’s check out this weeks haul.

How would you characterize most of your online fan interactions, and have you ever been the fan in these situations? What does it feel like to be who you are, someone of very limited fame, but to still have people gush over you in the way that many people gush over a person like Kanye? Have you ever actually experienced this gushing? What’s your experience of being a fan and interacting with artists? Aesop Rock has talked lots about these sorts of issues in various not-too-easy-to-find interviews and such, but I’m curious as to how your interactions stack up, given your considerably lower fame, relative visual anonymity (most people who listen to a rapper see him in a video or whatever at some point; producers not so much), and rather different personality/outlook (based, at least, on your “public” persona, in the case that such a thing exists).

My online interactions with fans range from very pleasant to absolutely infuriating. And, to be clear, when I say infuriating, I don’t mean I’m sitting around seething and wishing harm on people. I more mean that some person will write something so stupid it makes me sad for humanity. The majority of the interactions ,however, are totally fine. Even though there are many people out there who seem to make it their life work to be assholes online (I wrote about it just last week HERE) most fans are simply just supportive people who say nice things. I certainly run into a little different angle sometimes cause of how I carry myself online but, over all, it’s not that bad. Some days, though, I’ll get like two or three different people being profoundly stupid and it’ll be a little more depressing than usual.
As for the whole limited fame part, it’s kinda the best. I get to do this, make my living and still keep a good deal of privacy. I don’t have that many fans, but the ones I do have seem to be pretty dedicated and that’s a great thing. I think because of of this low risk/low reward kinda popularity I have , it’s hard to get an ego about this shit. I’m not being gassed up all the time and I’m pretty well rooted in reality. I know that, more often than not, your average person will have no fucking clue who I am and I’d have to reference fatboy slim or Moby to even give them an idea of what kind of music I make. (side note, when describing what kinda music I make the explanation tree goes as follows: Have you heard of RJd2? No. Dj shadow? No. The avalanches? No. Boards of canada? no. Moby? YES! Well, I make music kinda like moby.)
as for my own fanship, I’ve never been that guy. Aside from going up to a few rappers when I was younger and shaking their hand, I’ve always steered clear of that kinda shit. Dunno why…I’m just not a person who gushes over people in general. Any girl i’ve ever dated can attest to that. The few times I’ve interacted with people i was a huge fan of, I’m generally kinda quiet and agreeable. I’m not trying to become their friend or make an impression. If time passed , we got to talking and they seemed cool about it, I might ask a few questions. Actually, I did a show with Gift of Gab this past weekend in Atlanta and that kinda happened. I was a HUGE blackalicious fan and he was a super down to earth guy. So we chatted a bit and I definitely had some fan moments. I hope I didn’t annoy him.

when i wipe my ass, i hunch forward spread my legs and wipe back to front releasing the toilet paper before it reaches my taint. i found that wiping this way gets my butt the cleanest, i dont know if its the angel or the fact that you have more space to work with but most people think im strange. most people reach around there back and wipe front to back(sheep!!!).

which brings me to question, what do you do? have you ever tried to switch it up? is it possible that the vast majority of people have been missing out on a cleaner butt hole by wiping over their backs?

You realize your pulling shit debris towards your balls, right? If you’ve ever wondered why girls hate giving you head, look no further than that, Shitty balls.
No, I wipe my ass like a normal person. Front to back, sitting. This is a well worn topic round these parts (which is pretty telling of both me and my readers). I think I even did a poll a while back cause I had heard about people who stand up to wipe their asses and it blew my mind.

·What’s a crazy thing you’ve done or has happened that gave you an adrenaline rush?
Probably answering the previous question about wiping my ass.
Nah, but seriously, I’m not an adrenaline junkie at all. That kinda shit gives me more anxiety than excitement. I’m just a much more passive and reserved person , in that sense.
The most pumped up I’ve ever been was probably after seeing some dudes get shot in a pool hall when I was 15. My friends and I bolted out of there and ran full speed about 5 blocks back to one of our houses. Oh, actually, on second thought, maybe that time I caught that gnarly wave was more exciting than that. I was riding giants , brah. Just kidding. The only thing I surf is youjizz.com. Now THAT’S extreme.

What’s the best way for someone to get into producing as a hobby from 0 knowledge at this point in time. I rap (not giving you a link, because I know that this isn’t the place for that), and am interested in slowly working into doing my own production. Most of the guides available are of shitty EDM artists teaching shitty EDM fans how to make shitty EDM music, as opposed to guides that include considerations for hip-hop/lessons in sampling/just the right amount of theory/etc.

I don’t think there is a best way. It’s one of those things you just kinda go into blindly. I’m sure there are courses you could take but I feel like that’s like taking a stand up comedy tutorial. The best was to learn is to just jump right in. Do a little research. Do you wanna use a sampler or would you prefer just keeping it all on software? What programs work best with what you’re trying to achieve? When i started, there were like 4 viable types of samplers so the choice wasn’t that hard. I played around with an ASR-10 and then bought it. It was that simple. I could have easily gotten a MPC and SP1200 but I didn’t and the rest is history. I feel like, if you have any talent or drive, you should be able to work with what you have. The machines and software are just like instruments. You gotta just learn how to play them.

Do you think people with Alzheimer`s disease commemorate Remembrance Day?

This is something I would find in my “drafts” on twitter. Don’t think it would make the cut which is saying a lot cause have you seen some of the shit I’ve tweeted?

you seem to generally be not easily impressed with music… ive read a few of your columns where you’ve been critical of stuff and whatever, but what instrumental hip hop or newer beat driven artists or albums from the last few years are really impressing you?

I should file this under FAQ. As many of you know, I don’t really listen to much (if any) instrumental music. I just prefer music with vocals on it. There are plenty of great people out there (Bonobo, Hot sugar, AM break ups) who make really dope music but, unless there is a rapper or singer on it, I’m probably not giving it more than a passing listen. I realize this is totally contradictory to what i create myself but that question will be answered in due time. I mean that literally as I have a question in my queue asking me about that specifically.

If you could have a State (of the United States) vanish completely off the face of the earth, never exist.. which would it be and why?

Shit…this might burn some bridges…but there also isn’t a definitive answer. I mean, for the sake of humanity, it would have to be either Texas or florida but, at the same time, both those places have awesome parts so i’d be killing off a lot of good in exchange for ridding the earth of even more evil. I dunno if that’s a fair trade. Also, I do shows in both those places on occasion so there’s that too.
I might take the civil route and just rid the country of some place like north or south dakota. I’ve never even been to those states but I’d imagine i’d just be killing off a bunch of livestock and highway rest stops. Besides, aren’t there like under a million people in those states , even though they’re like 4 times as big as Ohio. I think I could live with that. But, also, my condolences to the 5 fans I have that live in those states.

Yay or Nay? This new Mac Miller/Jay Electronica song

Hmm…Something weird is going on with Mac miller. I’ve never been a fan of him and I don’t see that changing anytime soon…but something is evolving with him lately. First he does a drugged out song with Earl (This joint) and now he does this strange song with Jay Electronica. You can say one thing for the kid, he’s got good taste in rappers and enough money and/or connections to make songs with them happen. Wait, that’s two things. anyway…
So, the weirdness that’s going on is that Mac has been doing this thing where he raps with really good rappers and ends up trying to sound like them on the track. While this is a little corny of him, it’s also made him a much more listenable rapper. Only problems are that
a)He’s still Mac Miller
b)His flow may change (for the better) to suit whatever rapper he’s paired with but his actual rhymes are still pretty worthless.
That said, at least he’s embracing getting weird, which I always support. I don’t know the kid at all and don’t wanna speculate but it sounds like he’s doing a ton of drugs and that’s changing the way he approaches music. Honestly, it’s worked for others…might not be the worst idea for him.
Oh, did I mention the elusive Jay Electronica is on this? I’m a big fan and him killing it is not shocking. This one is right up his alley and he seems to be right where he wants to be on the track.
So, I’m curious, what do you think of this song? It definitely caught me off guard. Also, please be honest and don’t take my opinion on this song as I’m leading you. I’m actually curious if , perhaps, this song is just straight up good and I’m being too hard of Mac miller. If you like this (or him), don’t be shy. Perhaps he’s turned a corner and I refuse to admit it. It’s not impossible.

Demo Reviews Vol. 24

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Whattup.
It’s been two weeks so it’s once again time for me to bring out the demo reviews. These are demos sent in by readers for me to put under a microscope and judge. That’s how this works. I’m am not currently accepting submissions so please don’t send me any. a few of you have been over the last few weeks and I didn’t even open the emails. When it’s time for more submissions, you will be notified. Until then, I got enough to last me another month or so.
Anyway, the review work like so: I do a brief write up on my thoughts on the song then rate the song in these categories from 1-10
Production:

Vocals:

Listenability:

Originality:

Don’t forget to vote for your favorite at the bottom. It’s crucial , as the winner of every week wins the huge prize of not being the worst demo of that week.
This weeks batch is actually pretty decent. In particular, the rap songs. I’m as shocked as you are. Let’s get into it…

artist:Rodrigo Sena
Song:Pocket Summer


You know those cd’s they sometimes give have in boutique hotel rooms full of electronic music? This sounds like it should be on one of those. It’s well done and put together nicely but it still sounds like music I’d hear while eating sushi. Which is not exactly a diss cause my music sure as hell gets played in sushi restaurants.
This isn’t really my bag but I’m not mad at it. In particular , I thought the drum sounds were better than song slike this typically have, so that’s a plus.
Production:
5 out of 10
Vocals:
n/a
Listenability:
4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Playboy Smooth
Song:Ideas


Before even listening to the music…the name. There’s a rapper named “Young Thug”. This name rivals that for least creative moniker ever. But that’s neither here nor there…let’s listen to the music.
Good drums sounds and the synth sound is tight too. But this just sounds like a one note beat that goes into a break that doesn’t exactly match up that great with the initial part then goes into a third part that also doesn’t match up that well. Basically , it’s three separate beats played off as “changes” in the song. I’m not mad at any part but, as a whole, I dunno if it makes sense.
Production:
4.5 out 10
Vocals:
n/a
Listenability:
4 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist:DC King of Hearts
Song:GCS


This is one of those demos that is almost dope. The rapper is decent (definitely showing signs of someone who could be very good) but the beat is so lo-fi and cheap sounding it kinda sets everything back. I even like the samples but the mixing and drums just suck. If this was refined, it would be pretty dope.
Production:
3 out of 10
Vocals:
5.5 out of 10
Listenability:
4 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Butter Pretzels
Song:Beer


This is a known loop, right? I know I’ve heard it before. so, with that, I’d like to stress to all people who submit, I don’t want your mixtape joints over other peoples beats. I want all original shit.
As for the song, the beat is already suspect (though the loops are surely dope). The first rapper is cool. Lighthearted shit. The rapper seems comfortable and confident. Kinda reminds me of Ugly Duckling. Which is not what your average white rapper wants to hear but, hey , it is what it is.

The second rapper is kinda like the jokey white Casual. I like his voice.
Overall, this song is , against all odds, pretty enjoyable.
Production:
Somewhere between a 1 and 4.5 (depending on if they actually made this ebat or not)
Vocals:
5.5 out of 10
Listenability:
6 out of 10
Originality:2 out of 10

Artist:Suddle
Song:Stellar

https://soundcloud.com/suddlenuance/suddle-stellar-wip
Shout out to this dude for not allowing people to embed his song. Get it together, bro.
This beat is dope. Straight up. It’s solid all around.It’s got a 90’s vibe to it but without sounding like it’s pandering to that era. Cool, subtle layers and changes. Definitely one of the best rap beats I’ve ever gotten.
The rapping is okay. He’s 100% capable and has a nice presence. While he doesn’t exactly set himself apart from most other decent rappers, if all his beats are like this, it won’t matter.
Production:
7 out of 10
Vocals:
4.5 out of 10
Listenability:
5.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Jermsicle
Song:LOUD


Have I gotten this demo before? Or do I just get one like it every week? Only the beholder knows. This my weekly “bad synth sound coupled with bad drums sounds an added bonus of a strange ear for non-harmonious instruments” Submission. It wouldn’t be a demo review without at least one!
Production:
2 out of 10
Vocals:
n/a
Listenability:
2 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist:SMRT
Song: Sleepwalking


This beat is some Enya trap shit. It’s interesting. Definitely would probably sound good if I were on heroin. The drums are a little quiet but, otherwise, no complaints.
The rapper is almost dope. He’s still a little uncomfortable on the mike but has moments of fluidity that show he’s almost there. It’s definitely one of those stream of consciousness type flows…Almost Das Racist-esque.
Production:
5 out of 10
Vocals:
4.5 out of 10
Listenability:
5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist:Outer Demons
Song: Darkanova Starlines


This half works and half is a complete disaster. But, more than anything, WHY? Why take one of the most famous loops of all time and add live instruments to it? That song exists already and it’s by Isaac Hayes. This just seems like it didn’t need to be made. If you have the musical skill and the instruments, don’t waste your time with shit like this. It’s not moving anybody forward.
Production:
3 out of 10
Vocals:
n/a
Listenability:
3 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Sankofa
Song:21 choices


This is fine. Nothing special, not terrible. The beat is kinda boring but well made. The rapping is okay. I don’t love the voice and flow but the lyrics are solid. It reads to me as a dude who’s been doing it for a while and found his lane. Not a naturally skilled rapper but hard work has got him to this point.
Production:
4 out of 10
Vocals:
5 out of 10
Listenability:
4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Crispus Attacks
Song: George W. bush sets sail for the grey heavens


That feedback-y sound in the beginning sounds like a bird being slowly murdered. Depending on what you’re into, that could make or break this song for you. I’m not much into bird murder sounds so I dunno if this is really my cup of tea. This is slow and abrasive. It does change quite a bit and some of the changes are better than others. I feel as if some of you will like this more than I do cause it is well executed. Which is good. But, personally, I’ll pass.
Production:
4.5 out of 10
Vocals:
n/a
Listenability:
3 out of 10
Originality:5 out of 10

Which demo do you like the most?

How to be an asshole online

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With all the social networks available to us nowadays, people seemingly have everything at their fingertips. Information and communication are at an all time high. Especially within circles of friends or with celebrities. “Keeping tabs” on people is the norm and it would seem Orwell was only partially correct. It’s not so much “Big Brother” watching as much as your actual brother…and his friends…and maybe your aunt…and that girl you went to high school with for 1 year but dropped out cause she got pregnant. What I’m saying is that all eyes are online. When this freedom is added to a sense of anonymity the results can vary from harmless to devastation. But, Mostly, the result in someone being an asshole for no reason.
As someone who is kind of an asshole online, I understand. While I’d argue that my brand of asshole is mostly in jest and hyperbole, I’d be an actual asshole to not at least see how I could be seen that way. The internet is the best time waster known to man and, eventually, when you’re bored enough, you’re gonna start shit with people no reason. Anyone who’s ever lived with another person can attest to this. One day, you’re just feeling like picking a fight, so you do. It’s in our nature. But doing it online? It’s art. I will admit that prior to having Twitter and Facebook page, I was only somewhat aware of these practices. I knew what “trolling” was but outside of message boards, I hadn’t seen it close up in that manner. After all, friends playfully troll each other online but real , harsh , saying things to strangers only to get a reaction type trolling? I thought that was mostly for comment sections on youtube and blog posts.

So, I’ve made a list of things you can do if you want to achieve grandmaster asshole status online. I’d also like to add, don’t do these things. If you read this list and think “Huh, I do most of these!” guess what? You’re an asshole. Not a partial fun time asshole, but an actual, true in the flesh jerk off. Good job, asshole!
Here are 10 ways to be an asshole online:

1)Defend things you don’t even care about just for the sake of the argument (be a contrarian)

It’s fucked up but it would appear “caring” about things has become a weakness. I blame these types of people.
The amount of things I’ve gotten into arguments with people online is astounding (and shameful on my part). But more astounding? The topics in which these arguments were based. Things like Razor scooters , men wearing sandals , Justin Beiber (These were adults arguing with me), and ATM fees. I’ve learned that there is no topic on earth that SOMEONE won’t find a way to turn into an argument. Everyone has issues with things and , 9 out of 10 times, they’re petty. So, as much as I might be to blame for making jokes about stuff, you can’t possibly be THAT mad about any topics as banal as these. Because of this, I feel as though people are just online waiting to disagree with other people. Is it to waste time or is it to feel some almost human contact? I don’t know. But I do now contrarians are self obsessed and petty people willing to angrily argue over what yogurt is the best if it means someone else will listen to them.

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2)One-upmanship
This is where someone makes a joke and then other people add on to that joke. Maybe 5% of the time you’ll get a funny retort. This is because, in general, most people aren’t that funny. So, the result is a thread of people trying way to hard to get in on the action. While this really isn’t that big a deal at all, there are certain people who seem to exist to be that “I can do it better!” guy. And there is a difference between that guy and an actual funny person who comments on things. While this is one of the least offensive online asshole traits, it will certainly wear you down over time. Sometimes, silence is golden.

3)Answer rhetorical questions
Without question, people will always answer rhetorical questions. This is mostly on twitter and facebook. Say you say something like “Is it so hard to pick up after your dog?” and people respond like “Sometimes it is…I had a dog that Blah blah blah” SHUT THE FUCK UP! No one REALLY asked you. Just cause you see a question mark at the end of the sentence doesn’t mean it’s your cue to chime in. Even if you’re answering that question “No! It’s not hard!”. It’s not necessary. Give your fingers a rest sometimes and just let a statement be a statement, no matter how mundane it may be.

4)NEVER get jokes and argue about them
This is one I’m way too familiar with as my entire twitter existence is jokes and promotion. When it’s time for a joke said with any irony or sarcasm, I prepare for the inevitable backlash of people who didn’t get it. No matter how obvious it is that what I just wrote was in jest. You know what kills a joke? Having to tell the person it’s a joke.

5)Keep extensive tabs on people

This is more focused towards people you actually know. Weirdo insecure people who use things like Facebook and Instagram as a means to keep tabs on their friends. For instance, you go out casually with a friend and a picture gets taken. The next day someone is like “You were at so and so last night? Thanks for calling, asshole…”. Or worse yet, people checking in to see who your hanging out with to make sure you’re not hanging with people they like/dislike. This is the real big brother at work. No one is more likely to lord over friends than an insecure person who happens to miss the party one night.

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6)Comment of something you haven’t read based on the title, overlooking the content completely

I promote this blog on my facebook and twitter and , often, will do rants about things (like the one you are currently reading). While I don’t expect people to actually sit down and read all the bullshit I write (I know I’d skim this shit like a motherfucker if I didn’t write it) I do think that, if you’re gonna comment on something, you should probably be informed on what you’re arguing about. As opposed to reading the title of the piece and just going off that. Therefor, if I write a column called “Dark Chocolate: What shit tastes like” but the first sentence reads “I’m fully aware that many of you will probably not agree with this, and that’s okay” yet you respond by furiously disagreeing with me, you’re being an asshole. Not cause you disagree with me but cause you’re a reactionary dipshit.

7)Get offended by everything
The internet: Where false outrage reigns supreme.
This goes hand in hand with the contrarians. People seem to have a distinct need to be offended. It can be over anything but typically if has to do with someone misunderstanding context. This may be a bad example but take what happened with basketball player Roy Hibbert recently. He dropped a “No homo” during a press conference.

Of course, people lost their shit and he was fined. I get it. But the thing is, he was obviously kidding. It wasn’t said with vitriol towards gay people. It was a joke. You can even see in his face afterwards that he kinda regretted it but also meant no real harm by it. Should he have said it at a press conference? Probably not. In fact, if he had just said “Pause” instead, no one woulda said anything. But, still, the context in which he used that “no homo” joke was not a hateful one. Plenty of people do use that in a hateful “scared/disgusted of being gay” kinda way. But Hibbert? It was harmless. I’ve said this before in this blog but I feel like people like act offended way more than they actually are. Cause, if they actually did get as offended by the things they claim offend them, I honestly don’t know how they got through life without jumping off a bridge every time someone says anything remotely off color.

8)Talk for the sake of hearing your own voice (but with typed words)

People have a need to be heard. Chuck D was famous for saying “I don’t rhyme for the sake of riddle’n”. Internet comment sections are the opposite of that statement. Everyone wants a platform to be heard but , the issue with that is, most people don’t care to listen. This can be frustrating when you actually have something to say but, the majority of the time, people don’t. Yet, somehow, this leads to multi-page long responses to innocuous questions that didn’t ask a question in the first place. One thing is for sure, I’d hate to live with this kind of online asshole cause , undoubtedly, they would be the type to corner you and talk about shit like “the rigors of clam digging” for 45 minutes while you just nod and wait for them to stop speaking.

9)Make snarky jokes that don’t translate when read by a person who can’t tell the tone of them
I’m certainly guilty of this one. I think pulling off jokes online comes down to tone. Choose your words wisely. There is a thin line between a chuckle and coming off like an unbelievable asshole. The really are no definitive ways to fix this problem other than people understanding humor and human interaction better. Good luck with all that shit, internet.

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10)Let the boredom win

When you boil it all down, Boredom is the culprit. We do things out of boredom. Add some insecurity and entitlement and, Voila! you have the internet! If you’re bored and perusing the web, just know that everyone doesn’t have to be aware of your presence. Life will go on perfectly fine if you don’t comment on something. Nothing wrong with being supportive or seeking out cool new things to capture your interest. That’s the positive side of being online in 2013. The world is at your fingertips. Literally. All I ask is that you don’t take too much advantage of that bounty. Back in the days, I had to go to the library just to plagiarize the encyclopedia for high school research papers. Nowadays, you could spend months in a wormhole just googling the word “Plagiarize”. Accept these gifts but show a little restraint. That, or get famous enough where you opinions actually hold a little weight. Then people might actually care enough to listen. In fact, I gotta work on that part myself.