Preview reviews of movies I’ve never seen Vol. 3

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I see a decent amount of movies. Because of this, I’m subjected to tons of previews of movies that look like complete shit. The other day, I saw “The act of killing” which is pretty much the heaviest movie I’ve ever seen. Straight up, as gut wrenching as it was fantastic. Tell me why they previews before that movie were three indie rom-coms? What the fuck is wrong with people.
But I digress, I’m a man of flash judgements that tend to be about 85% accurate. Because of this, I like to simply skip seeing the shitty movie and judging it entirely based on its trailer. That’s what this is…so, move over Leonard Maltin, I’m coming for your crown.

2 Guns

You know, Hollywood gets a lot of shit for pushing out shit loaf after shit loaf of the same old cookie cutter movie. Each genre has their version. The Rom-com, the Gross out comedy with the heart of gold, the horror movie with some scary child. Then along comes a movie like “2 Guns” to completely change the game. I mean, i can’t recall a time where a movie seemingly went so outside the box. This is a foreign film right ? Clearly, they just over dubbed it really well in the previews cause there is no way an american would have the balls to make such an original , genre blending masterpiece like this. Just kidding, clearly, this movie is what happens when you get two really famous people signed on to an idea before the script is even written. I feel like there are literally piles of scripts like this to the ceiling in every film producers office that are interchangeable. Probably titled shit like “action movie 48”. All they’re lacking is someone like Mark Wahlberg to be like “hmm…I wouldn’t mind owning an island somewhere…I’ll do it!”.
also, over/under on there being multiple slow motion action scenes in this movie? HIGH ODDS. Double or nothing there is a slow motion walk away from an explosion. I’d bet my first born on that one.

Reds 2

The fact this preview doesn’t start with the sentence “Not since ‘Cacoon’ have so many elderly people saved the world…” is a travesty.
Take about a niche market. Action movies for old people. The equivalent genre in porn would be something like “Granny cosplay”.
As the son of someone who is technically elderly and someone who has been around old people a fair amount in my life (I had an old dad who had old friends) this movie getting a sequel boggles my mind. I didn’t see the first one…but who did? Apparently, enough people to make a second one. I feel like that happened on a different planet or something. At the very least, , I’d figure they’d all be turned off by the loud explosions. Old people hate sudden loud sounds. It’s pretty much the bane of their existence. But, more importantly, old people don’t fuck with action movies. Every old person I’ve ever met likes period pieces or boring documentaries about the invention of the cotton gin.

I wonder if old dudes who watch this email each other about it and send still of Helen Mirren looking all sexy and shit. That would make as much sense to me as this movie being made in the first place.
Just to be clear, I’m not opposed to the idea of this movie having an audience. I just don’t understand how it does.

Gravity

Remember that movie where Ryan Reynolds got buried alive? I think it was called “Buried alive”. Anyway, I didn’t see that shit. Not cause it looked bad (it was a dude sweating in a box for two hours, it certainly didn’t look good) but more cause that is my fucking nightmare. There is no pay off that would make me watching claustrophobia unfold worth it. This movie is like that but the opposite. The set up scene looks pretty cool but, after that, what the fuck are you watching? A bitch floating around in space for 2 hours. Sure, I got questions. I’m mildly curious to see how they handle that in a movie. Hell, I’ll probably even check in on it when it’s playing on cable in 6 months. But still, what could possibly happen? I’ll tell you. She floats around having a panic attack for over an hour then, miraculously gets saved by george clooney who then makes out with her once she is safe. THE END. I could be wrong about that but her getting hit by an astroid or running out of air and dying only to see her corpse float off into a black hole, while more realistic, wouldn’t exactly make for a great movie.

I’m in love with a church girl

The streets have been talking and Ja-rule was listening. They (the streets) said “Yo, Rule, when you gonna reprise one of your roles from those videos you used to do with Ashanti, but in the form of a feature length film?”. Did Little X direct this? Ja rule playing a fake thug is kinda like if Ryan Gosling plays a guy who gets a lot of pussy. It just sorta makes sense.
Also , this is one of those “Based on a true story” ass movies. Oh, I’m sure it is! Remember that one thug who met that one church girl and turned his life around? Yeah…that one. REAL TALK.
Also, STARRING STEPHEN BALDWIN
Tyler perry probably saw this script and was like “eh…I’m good. I’mma go make a movie about someone molesting a grandma instead…”

Peep the Tinsletown Remix Feat. Lodeck and Marq Spekt

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By now, I hope you’ve peeped the album I did with Billy Woods called “Dour Candy”. If not, get on that shit. I’m Biased but, fuck that, it’s really good.
Anyway, I did a remix of the song “Tinsletown” which features Woods, Lo Deck and Marq Spekt. As a tip of the hat to the good old days when people would put out remixes that were, in fact, totally new songs, the beat has been re-imagined and all the verses are original. Peep it!
Also, peep the “Crocodile Tears” remix after it. Another banger.

Answers for questions vol. 146

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Sup people.
I write this to you from my bed. Hungover on a monday. Which is shameful. Why? Well, this bar I’ve been going to since I was a young’n is closing it’s doors for good tomorrow and I wanted one last good time romp there before it rode off into the sunset. So, I just wanna bid farewell to Max Fish and thank them for all the good times. Sure, they will be moving to Brooklyn and I’ll very likely end up back there but it’s a little sad to see the last bar in Manhattan I went to with any regularity close it’s doors.
ANNNNWAY…If you ahve questions that need an answer or you just have a burning curiosity about things, holler at me…send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Questions are answered on a first come, first served basis. All I ask is be interesting…On with the show.

I saw in your “Answers for questions 141” that someone asked you for more details on your Uncle Tony’s Coloring Book album. I have to say that I really liked your response, because it reminded me of how some people say that EL-P can’t make any “happy” sounding beats. What do you think of that kind of criticism towards EL-P? Do you ever feel like it’s unfair that your fans tend to judge what type of music that you put out, based on some of your previously released material? Would you say it’s similar to how at the time people weren’t feeling Kanye West’s “808s & Heartbreak” album, but now some of those same people praise it?

I’d like to think, as artists, what we are capable of and what we choose to create are two different things. I’m pretty sure, if he wanted, El-P could make a happy song. But that’s not what interests him so he chooses not to.
I think fans fall in love with certain aspects of artists and get rattled when those artists go outside those boundaries. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met who will walk up to my face and be like “So, when you gonna make another “music by cavelight”?” It’s one of the more frustrating questions cause , for one, that album is 10 years old at this point and I made most of it in my early/mid 20’s. But, more importantly, I have no interest in making that album again. While it may be the fan favorite, it’s not my favorite. It’s simply some music I made a long time ago and have moved on from. So, as an artist, you kinda hope your fans grow with you and are able to decipher the directions you choose to take as time passes and your music evolves. Unfortunately, that’s pretty rare. It’s a catch 22 cause everyone wants you to make the same music and complains when you do something different but if I were to make the same album 5 times , people would complain about that too. So I , like many other people in music, just kinda make what I make for me and hope it works out. That’s pretty much the best we can do.

In a question aesop asked you around your jockiness nature on the 900bats site, you made it a point to say you’re not competitive except for ping pong.

Is this a true statement? Are you competitive when it comes to ping pong? Are you good at ping pong?

Just to clarify, Aesop thinks I’m a “Jock” cause I like playing basketball. It’s actually a little jokey battle we have. I call him a sci-fi/fantasy nerd and he calls me a jock but, in reality, neither of us are really those things. Though, let’s be honest, he loves wizards and warlocks way more than I love sports.
As for Ping Pong, I was once very good. I used to play all the time when I was in my teens and I got really nice at it but I haven’t played in years with any regularity and my game has lost it’s edge for sure. Also, I’m not saying I was good on like an olympic level. I was just a good casual ping pong player. Lots of spin. Playing me was like batting against a knuckleball pitcher.
As for the competitive part, I’d say of all the sports I’ve played with any regularity, Ping Pong is the one that has made me the most heated. I think that’s cause it’s one on one and there are no excuses. you can’t blame teammates or your opponent. If you win , you win and if you lose, you lose. It’s all very cut and dry and that leads to lots of frustration and shit talking when you’re playing it against friends you wanna destroy.

What is your favorite Kevin Smith movie?

Clerks
Mallrats
Chasing Amy
Dogma
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
Jersey Girl
Clerks 2
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Red State

Jay and silent bob is my favorite cause it’s just fucking ridiculous.
The only one I’ve never seen is “Jersey Girl” but i hear it’s next level bad.
As for the others:
Clerks-It was okay at the time but didn’t age very well
Mallrats-Highly watchable. Probably my second favorite movie of his
Dogma: I thought it sucked.
Clerks 2:Had a few funny moments but I have issues with low brow gross out type comedies who feel the need to get sappy and have ” a heart”. It kinda defeats the purpose.
Zack and miri: PRetty bad.
Red state: I enjoyed it. The dude who played the cult leader was incredible. I saw it a while ago but I vaguely remember having an issue with the ending…but I could be thinking of some other movie.

How left or right dominant is your entire body??? Get into detail with it – how right or left handed you are in respect to writing, daily tasks, making music… Also, how right or left sided you are with sports like basketball or physical activities where you use and position your legs a lot, like skateboarding or snowboarding.

Such a specific, odd question, I know. But I’m very interested in the unusual interaction between left and right brain activity, especially with creative types (aka lateralization of brain function). In my opinion, modern psychology has a loooong way to go with this concept (I’m no scientist). Thank you!

I’m a righty. I do pretty much everything with my right hand/arm. I mean, I’m not a cripple so I can type and cut food with my left but anything that takes extra coordination is done with my right. As for sports, same thing. The only thing I’ve noticed with my left is that I tend to block shots with it in basketball. Other than that, I can dribble a little with my left but my left handed lay up is atrocious.

have you ever found a vocal sample that works perfectly in one of your songs but you couldn’t bring yourself to use it because the lyrics were stupid?

Sure. In fact, the most asked about sample I’ve ever used is an example of that. tHe screeching vocal sample on “insomniac olympics”.

People ask me what it’s saying all the time and, to be honest, I have no clue. What I do know is that, when I made it, the words either just didn’t make sense in the context of the song or they were dumb so I sped it up, put an effect on it and made the words undistinguishable. I often do similar things with vocals sung in a foreign language. Cause I don’t know what they’resaying, I’ll fuck with it in some way to make it not matter. basically, I’ll try to use the voice like I would a horn riff.

So I understand you are a huge fan of music, which is a passion I also share. How do you feel about jam bands and improvisational music in general? Is there anything wrong with taking a few days vacation to do nothing but hang with stinky Phish heads and listen to some groovy jams? Let me know your opinion.

There is nothing wrong with it for other people with free will but i’d be hard pressed to find a scene I have less interest in being involved in. Not only am I kinda worn out on live shows in general but jam bands are pretty much not even on my radar. I don’t really do drugs much and I hate camping. I also was never a fan of phish or the dead so any new ones popping up aren’t gonna change that.
It’s simply not for me. So much so that I don’t really get it on any level. I’ve heard a lot of the kinds of music and the draw of it escapes me. It’s a bunch of noodling on guitars while songs go on for like 25 minutes. Honestly, that might be one of the rooms in hell for me. The Jam band room.

So, you seem like the type of guy to not really care about how he dresses. Granted, you have the decency to wear closed-toed shoes and actual pants, but beyond that, it’s pretty much whatever you feel like.

What if that just magically changed and you turned into someone who always wants to look their best by buying high-end expensive clothes?

Seeing as how your girlfriend is in the fashion business, what would she think of this?

I am a simple man and man of comfort. T-shirt, jeans/dickies and sneakers. That’s what I like. THat’s all I ever wear and I can’t see that changing any time soon. My Girl would love if I become a guy who dressed like a fancy lady boy but she also doesn’t hate how I dress. As long as I’m neat, she’s okay with it. Sure, if I gave her free reign and a credit card to take me shopping, after her head was done exploding, she’d buy a wardrobe of awful sweaters and pants that not self respecting man should ever wear and button up shirts that are as uncomfortable as they are feminine. But, at this point we’ve reached a happy medium. I dress how i dress and every now and then I’ll happen to buy a new article of clothing that she likes.
The irony of it all is that, while she’s all fashion forward, every now and then she’ll wear some crazy shit that makes her look like Mrs. Roper on a nature retreat and I’ll clown her endlessly about it.
Oh, so to answer your question, she’d fucking love it. Obviously.

Yay or Nay: YC The Cynic

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YC the Cynic is a name I’ve been seeing pop up a fair amount recently. For some reason, I just kinda ignored looking into him until very recently.
Well, turns out he’s pretty fucking nice. I don’t know where he’s from (though I’m assuming it’s somewhere on the east coast) or through what avenues he’s come up but it’s always a nice surprise when someone you heve never heard of pops up to positive results. An interesting angle with him, just judging off the little I’ve heard of him, is that he’s more versatile than I would have expected. The first song is some straight forward shit while the third video is straight up weird. I appreciate the unpredictability. Anyway peep this:


Now, tell me what you think:

A very informative podcast interview with me

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I’ve done a few podcasts before and they’re always fun. However, this one I did recently is probably my favorite one I’ve done. Why? Cause it’s just two bros talking. The dude whose podcast it is, Intuition, and I are buddies so this is basically just him and I shooting the shit while I casually give my life story to him. So, if you like bro’s talking, this will be your shit.
We discuss my family life, the beginnings of aesop and I, my fanbase, and pretty much everything else.
Check it out!
http://kindaneat.net/blockhead/

Hey guys, let’s not make Yung Lean a “thing” , okay?

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The internet is an unstoppable whirlwind of info and crap that’s constantly spitting out debris all over our faces. Sometimes it’s in the form of something harmlessly funny like “Grumpy Cat”. Other times it’s some truly awful shit like beheading videos. In both cases, it’s typically waste products. Meaning, they have their time and then they’re flushed away into the bowels of the webz. As a connoisseur of crap, I actually enjoy it on many levels. If I can sit through an episode of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” surely I can find the good in a shitty youtube clip of some awful rapper. But, every now and then, something pops out that seemingly crosses over from simply being ridiculous to being something people actually care about.
This is not a new concept. Especially on this blog. I’d say about 4 times a year some new “thing” pops off and I vent about it. Whether it be a terrible new white rapper or some un-funny youtube sensation. There is always something waiting to be next. Enter Yung Lean.



He’s a 16 year old swedish rapper that people are talking about. Vice covered him. Lil B’s fans have embraced him. He’s somewhat of of a meme at this point. I’m sure he’s in a few of your Ipods right now an , and when his song comes on, you sit there pretending to enjoy it even though it’s an old joke at this point. Where it stands now, the enjoyment of his music is heavily dipped in irony as he
1)Looks like he does
2)Is a Swedish 16 year old rapper , rapping in english about being sad (kinda)
3)has got strangely decent beats.
4)Sad boys, bro. Sad boys. #sadboys

My take of it him is that he’s definitely strange in an original way. He’s a bit dead behind the eyes so it kinda makes me think he’s not joking around. His whole “Emotional boys” thing and shouting out random years that he clearly wasn’t making this music in is certainly intriguing.
I can see why peoples curiosity would be peaked. But, all that said, he’s simply another shitty rapper. Now, this hasn’t stopped anyone from getting famous. Chief Keef is basically mentally handicapped and he was on KAnye’s last album and has a thriving fanbase. But the difference is Yung Lean is bad in the sense that he simply doesn’t sound good. A guy like Chief Keef can get by just being who is. Yung Lean? He has autism swag and that’s just not a good look.

At his current stage of “Internet notoriety” , I feel as if he’s the slow kid in the classroom that everyone quietly mocks by pretending he’s the coolest guy in the room. He gets pats on the back to his enjoyment but he has no idea that he’s a walking punchline to everyone else. I could be wrong about that but I’m simply just hoping that is the case. Maybe he’s already turned? and by “turned” I mean maybe he’s started to be accepted as a legit musician and not a retarded youtube hilarity that will come and go like so many others before it. The thing is, if he isn’t yet…it’s only a matter of time.
I can guarantee that in the next month or so, I’ll be having a conversation with some hipster/reformed underground rap fan who will try to spin to me how Yung Lean is a actually amazing. Not ironically…but like he’s doing something next level that my old dinosaur brain cannot comprehend. I can also Guarantee I will never listen to another word that person says to me again. It happened with Riff Raff, it happened with Kitty Pryde…I’m shocked it never happened with Eli but, then again, he’s black and it seems only really shitty white rappers get this sort of pass. More on that later though.
I’m writing this not to shit on the art of Yung Lean. I like funny things. He is hilarious. Whether or not it’s intentional, I have no clue. He’s either a delusional swedish kid who listened to way too much Lil B and ASAP Rocky or he’s an Andy Kaufman level genius with the video skills of Tim and Eric. Regardless, He has a place in the world. However, I write this to beg of you, bloggers and tastemakers…Don’t make him a “thing”. We get it. He’s a rapping swedish kid repping “sad boys”.It’s strange and funny. Much like Riff Raff and Kitty Pryde, there is definitely “something” about him. He’s nothing if not bizarre. But all this acting like this is at all legit (beyond it’s humor value) is pretty much just cruel. Why not just go around tipping over people in wheelchairs? That’s basically how I see this. There are so many terrible rappers on youtube. many of them from countries outside of the Us. Many of them are hilarious. Even more hilarious than Yung Lean. Have you seen this fucking guy?!?!

Or have you seen this serbian abomination?

I realize part of the reason Yung Lean is getting this shine is cause he does use many relevant rap trends in his music..so it’s cutting edge in it’s terribleness. But still…Stop it. With the way these things work, he’ll be touring to sold out venues in the US within 5 months. Meanwhile, the far funnier and equally terrible ladies of “It’s so cold in the D” probably haven’t left detroit in their entire lives and the “Why must I cry” guy’s life peaked by being made fun of on Tosh 2.0.
I alluded to it earlier but there is an air of weird racism going on with all these pop up, so-bad-they’re-good youtube rap sensations. It’s like the white people are given a pass to be both laughed at and admired while their black counterparts never got the admiration part. Sure, some may argue that Lil B is the king of this shit but, to be honest, he can actually rap decently. i don’t really fuck with his music but I’ve heard songs here and there that clearly put him head and shoulders above any of the mouth breathers mentioned in this write up (I’ll give Riff Raff a little credit there too…he’s far better than any of these other people I’ve mentioned).
All I’m saying is that we need to take these types of things at face value. A funny youtube sensation that will be gone within a week. Giving stuff like this more depth than it deserves to be given is not only a disservice to music in general but it’s just gonna breed more shit like this. Meaning, it can only get worse and more contrived. Listen, us white folks love some good old irony ESPECIALLY when it’s rapping. But slow you role the second you start to blur the lines between that joke and reality.

#sadboys