Monthly Archives: September 2013

Answers for questions vol. 155

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Hi there.
Welcome to another stirring edition of “answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. It can be about anything really and this week is a great example of that. If you have questions you’d like answered, holler at your boy. Also, if you need advice of any sort, I do that as well. Lord knows people should all be getting life advice from a niche electronic music producer.
Anyway, send me all questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below.
Got it? good. Let’s get into this weeks batch.

Adult women who refer to their father as “daddy,” in everyday online/real life interactions: How CREEPY do you find that word within that context on a scale of 1-10? And what do you immediately associate with when you hear/read a female say that…is it the princess syndrome?literal daddy issues? stunted adolescence?porn connotations? etc.? I have no idea.

Hmm…it really depends on how it’s said, the context and by whom. So, I’d give it a 5 out of 10, on the creepiness scale.
I’ve heard some girls say it and didn’t blink but, other times, it has set off all sorts of alarms in my brain.
I think some girls just like to call their men that and can do so without it relating to their actual father. That said, I had a situation once where I was sleeping with a girl who used it only during sex and it did creep me out. Like, she said it so much I kept waiting for her to flip it up and just call me “dad” or “father”. THAT would have been a game changer/ruiner.
It basically all comes down to the sexual lingo people use. People all have their own thing. The way hearing someone say “daddy” makes you feel might be the same as me hearing a couple who calls each other “babe” all day (btw, that shit is the worst). Some people just need to step up their pet name game. “daddy” is some uncreative shit.

GTA V

Certainly I can’t be the first to notice that the sample sounds the same as Which One of You Jerks Drank My Arnold Palmer.

And screw you for making me type that obnoxiously long track title.

You have a history of not talking about where you get your samples and that is fine with me. Any comments about using the same sample used in GTA other than ‘yeah I guess that is cool’?

I’m not into GTA and would rather piss away my time with NBA2K but do game developers ever reach out to you for their game soundtracks?

Is there a producer out there who does NOT have a long history of not talking about his sample origins? That’s kinda how this whole thing works. Mums the word, bro.
As for the GTA thing, it was just a coincidence. I sampled that song. They used it on their video game. Shit happens. It’s a good song.
I’ve had a few songs in a few video games over the years but not that many. The fact I sample limits that kinda thing greatly cause it’s just too much of a risk most of the time. I did have a song on one of the older 2k games , which was awesome for me cause it’s literally the only video game I play.

What do you care less about – the royal baby or celine dion taking on dubstep (whatever that means)?

This question is like multiplying things by zero. At some point, if I don’t care at all about something, that’s as little as I can care. In both these cases, I could not care less. If I cared any less, it becomes something I loath, which actually means I do, on some level, care , albeit in a negative light. So, with these two things, it’s as if they don’t exist to me.

im really intrested in your creative process when you make music and how you go about sampling shit and knowing where to place them, etc, have you ever considered making one of those videos of you making a beat? i know ur style of production is alot more intricate than those other amature producers on youtube, but i think it would be cool as fuck to see you in the lab cookin up a masterpiece cus theres no one out there that does exactly what you do man. You’re like the salvador dali of beats. Also, have you seen the rythm roulette series on youtube when a producer (el-p was on it) randomly picks out 3 vinyls and makes a beat out of it? I feel like you’d kill that shit!

A lot of the answers you may want are here:
https://phatfriend.com/2011/03/22/how-my-music-is-made-fuck-the-bullshit/

As for that beat roulette thing, I actually got asked to do it and was down but my record player has been broken for a while so it kinda limited what I could do with records. Grabbing three records randomly is kinda what I do anyway. That shit would be fun but , truth be told, my “home studio” has been on some extremely minimal shit the last year or so , and that would be an issue for making a beat for those videos.

if you had 2 ninjas who had dedicated their lives to your service, would you use them to make home made french fries? If not, what would you use them for?

Homemade french fries would be pretty low on the list of activities for my two ninja slaves. The thing is, I’m not really a “rule with an iron fist” kinda person. I’d probably just chill with them and occasionally have them run errands for me. Also, they’d make great bodyguards. The idea of being able to freely walk down the street and pop shit with whoever I want cause i know, when the shit hits the fans, my ninjas would start slicing and dicing, is kinda awesome. I can’t count the times I’ve walked down the street, overheard some asshole say some dumb shit and just ignored it cause, why bother? But, with my ninja slaves? All bets would be off.

How are you doing? Speaking about the hot girl in the robin thicke video in the last answers for questions, I would like to ask you, what do you think of the unrated version of the video? Sexist or not sexist? Are you sensitive to the issue of sexism in general?
http://www.vevo.com/watch/robin-thicke/blurred-lines-unrated-version/USUV71300526
I think it’s the greatest video ever made. I’ve spoken at length about it on this blog. Basically, Emily Ratajakowski is the hottest girl I’ve ever seen so…yeah. As for the sexist thing and ,even worse, the assumption that the song is about forcing sex on women, I’d like to say a few things.
1)The video was directed and conceived by a woman. It wasn’t a boardroom of fat old white men chomping cigars talking about “Let’s get some naked tits on the picture screen!”. If all the people complaining about this video would simply just listen to the directors explanation, i think they’d shut the fuck up real quick. It’s meant to be playful. It’s sad that in 2013 nudity still fucks people up , regardless of the context. If this came out in europe, no one would bat an eyelash. This shit isn’t porn. They’re not being treated like shit. Have you seen other videos where women are getting champagne poured on their heads? People barely said shit about that when it was happening. So, shut the fuck up about how offensive this video is. It’s not. It’s just hot naked girls and if you’re seeing that and only seeing it as a negative , that has more to do with your views on sexuality than the video itself.
2)The song is about Thicke’s wife. it’s not about “You know you want it” is a creepy rape way. It’s about balancing sexual and respect dynamics within a relationship. That’s some real shit.
I can’t believe I just defended this harmless pop song for two paragraphs but people are fucking ridiculous with what offends them nowadays. Pick your battles , you thin skinned pussies.

Seeing as how you love basketball and also seem to have an enormous grasp on higher level intellectual thinking and diplomacy. What’s your take on this whole Dennis rodman going to Korea. Can the worm really bring peace to the east?

I don’t think it will make a difference at all but it’s fucking strange. Rodman is a drunk who can barely speak without sounding like he’s chewing on an entire pack of big league chew. I dunno if he’s diplomat material. But, hey, whatever works. If He and Kim Jong Un can whyle out bang whores together, perhaps it will somehow lead to peace between our countries. But, I’m guessing, it’s more just Rodman being a bored rich person who doesn’t give a fuck about anything either way. Pretty sure he probably thinks North Korea is part of China.

Demo Reviews Vol. 32

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What’s good everyone?
Time for another installment of Demo reviews. These are all demos that were willfully sent in by readers of this blog for the sole purpose of being reviewed by me. I didn’t put a gun to anyone’s head, I promise.
32 volumes deep and I’m still not sure why people would want to hear my worthless opinion on any of this shit but, hey, we all have our “things, I suppose. To those of you who are curious about sending me a demo, I’m afraid the submissions are closed. When it comes time to hear more stuff, i’ll most definitely announce it. So, keep an eye out if that’s something you’d be in to.
Anyway, last week was one of the more solid weeks of submissions in the history of this column. How does this week match up? Well…you know how sequels are never as good as the original? yeah…this week is like that.
It’s like the Police academy 2 of demo reviews.
If you’ve never read this column before, it’s pretty simple. I listen to each song. Do a brief write up then give it arbitrary number rating from 1-10 in these categories:
Production
Vocals
Listenability
Originality
Sound good? Great. Let’s go…

Artist:A-SEA
Song:Me, my Drums and you

The first thing that jumps out to me is that the pitched down vocals are little too pitched down. The beat is okay. It’s not really interesting but the sum of it’s parts work in a smoked out kinda california way. At first i thought the rapper was a little kid then I was like “Oh, it’s a girl”. She’s decent but, overall, not a particularly compelling listen. Kinda monotone but it sort of works in the context of the song. A whole album of that would be pretty tedious though.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:J-a-R feat. Fuzzy and Biscuit
Song:Putting Pen to paper

This is some heroin music. For better or for worse. The beat is fairly simple on the surface but has some nice nuances to it.
The rapper kinda sounds like a calmed down, less nasal B-real who listened to lots of underground rap. He’s pretty good but sometimes his flow seems a little forced. I don’t know if that’s on purpose or just more of a limitation though.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:5 out of 10

Artist: DJ Jadestone
Song: Moon Crater

I’m impatient so that intro dragged a little for me but once it gets going it’s pretty cool. The layering is awesome. I’m actually not clear what’s going on here in terms of whether this is live instruments, samples, or all parts from the same song. Still, it sounds good. That said, I don’t know if this is a solid , stand on it’s own, song. It’s pretty limited in the directions it goes so what we’re left with is a pretty cool loop (I think???) and some little flourishes.
Production:5.5 out of 10
Vocals: N/A
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Curta
Song: Photoshopped mummies

This dude actually has an interesting voice and good presence on the mike but he just doesn’t seem as polished as his concepts or lyrics are.
Lots of potential though. Voice and presence is that shit you either you have or don’t.
The beat seemed wildly amateurish at first but I think the lo-fi was a conscious choice. Still, not anything too great either way.
Production: 4 out of 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist:Quorum Consensus
Song:Cliche

Is this the british Jurassic five? I mean..this could literally be them if you changed the accents. They even got the low voices guy.
I gotta say, some of the voices on this song are straight up silly and when you add the accents it almost feels like parody rap. Not that any of them sound amateur but there is a goofiness to it that I’m not 100% sure is supposed to be there. It’s light hearted for sure…but also just kinda dumb. The beat is super average second rate Jurassic Five. I was never a big J5 fan but one thing they always had was crazy beats. So, you know, this is a step down from that.
Production:3.5 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist:Urbandale
Song: Little Boxes

The beat shows promise as it evolves nicely but the sounds aren’t there yet. Sounds very bedroom producer-ish, which is okay, but this definitely needs some refinement to kick it up to the next level. The rapper is solid. He’s definitely focuses on his lyrics but it’s just not that interesting to listen to. Still, that might have to do with the beat not carrying him. Over a better track i could see his style being much more engaging.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Rustlah
Song: Android Julian

Oh, hey there white voiced, underground rapper! It’s been a while. how you been?
Yeah, this is that good old middle of the road, “deep”, white voiced rapper. As much as this is not my bag, I do understand that there are plenty of people out there who love this kinda shit so, you know, fuck my opinion on this. Removing my prejudice about white voice ad focusing on this from a more technical perspective, the rapper has a little trouble riding the beat at times. Also,the beat is pretty boring , albeit efficiently made.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Robo-Lantern
Song: Fringe

Every week I get one or two demos that are simply genre’s that aren’t in my wheelhouse. This is that. I don’t know if it’s good or bad. All I know is I don’t really fuck with this kinda thing in general. I can say, it’s got some nice changes and might make a good 80’s song.In fact, i kept waiting for the lead singer from Tears for Fears to start dropping jewels but it never happened.

So, you know, it’s well made and arranged. Good job, I think.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:P.Jay Fry
Song:Breathe

Is this that trap music the kids are all talking about? No seriously, I’m asking for real. I don’t know. I hear those southern rap hi-hat progressions and assume that’s what it is.
Anywhooo, this is some wall of noise shit with a slight bridge. The main part sounds like birds in a blender, so that’s not very good. The bridge is , by comparison, nice but that’s mostly cause it’s a break from the high pitched squeals of the main part of the song. The best part about this song is the drums…which are standard yet efficient.
Production:3 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:3 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Shaggy Rogers
Song:Intent

Some old mid 90’s sounding beat…with rapping that kinda follows suit. He has a very mid 90’s style. I like his voice but I don’t love his inflection. Simply cause I feel like no one sounds like that anymore and sometimes it drops out and reveals a person who speaks like a normal person. Still, he’s pretty good. This is extremely well worn territory but , overall, a decent listen.
The beat is completely passable but also generic in the sense that it sounds like it could be an album track of any number of jazzy early/mid 90’s rappers. Like a Hard2Obtain b-side or something.

Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

So, what do you think?

Quelle Chris is a “Yay”. I don’t even need to poll it.

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There’s two things I should say before I even start this:
1)I’m super late to the game on Quelle Chris. I blame no one but myself
2)This is more a celebration of the man under the guise of a “Yay or nay” post, I just felt he needed some sort of shine. So, fuck your polls ,guys (pause). I’m not even giving you the option to hate on this shit and make me argue with you in the comment section (well, let’s be honest, that option always exists). Just peep the dudes stuff.

So, yeah, Quelle Chris. It’s a name I’ve been seeing for a while and , honestly don’t know why I never checked for him. I’m stubborn like that. But I recently listened to him on the “Shots Fired” podcast and dude had me cracking up so I figured “Hey, maybe he’s a good rapper?”. Ding ding ding! Dude is dope. He also picks/makes dope ass beats on some Madlib/MF Doom type shit. Nice loops. Sometimes that’s all you need. He even made a good song about weed. Do you know how hard that is? That’s like making a good song about the dream you had last night that no one cares about.
His newest album “Niggas is men” is available and I highly suggest it. It’s weird in the best way possible all while maintaining a grasp on traditional hip hop shit. Peep it:
http://mellomusicgroup.bandcamp.com/album/niggas-is-men

Here’s more…


Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 31

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It’s been a while but I’m back again with that completely off base advice you know and love. As always, I should warn, I’m not a licensed anything but I do shoot from the hip and try to give you the least “blowing smoke up your ass” advice as possible. If you’re having trouble in love or, really, trouble in any aspect of live that you feel needs guidance, I’m a great impartial outlet to unload your burdens on. Trust me, you’re friends are sick of hearing it. So, if you got issues, holler at me. Email me questions at Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comments below. Everything is anonymous and kosher. This is as safe a place as you can find on the internet.
Let’s look at this weeks batch of questions…

I could use some of your insight on this issue I have. So, I’ve been dating the same girl for about five years and I’m 19 years old. We were in love, and she’s the only person I’ve dated seriously. I met another girl a while back, and I never thought I would see her again but she facebooked me and one thing led to another, and I started to get some real feelings for her. I never intended this, and I felt like I was going crazy. We hooked up a couple times, but naturally my girlfriend found out and the whole thing blew up in my face.
After the fallout both of these women still wanna talk and hang out. Part of me wants to work things out with her and another wants me to keep seeing this new girl, and see how things play out. But the more I am alone with my thoughts, I just wanna crawl under a rock for stringing both these girls along.
Anyway, do you think I am too young to be monogamous without living a life full of regret? Just from a practical standpoint, is it time to move on?

This is tough cause, from the outside looking in, clearly you should not be marrying the first girl you date seriously. I mean, jesus christ, you started dating her when you were 14! You realize you’re going to live to be in your 80’s most likely, right? If you’re already having those feelings of “Hmm…maybe I wanna test the waters” now, I can only tell you it gets worse the older you get. Especially when you hit like 30 and you’ve only seen one vagina. What are you, a pastor?
Again, from the outside looking in, I’d say move on from them both and just be a single person for a while. You’re really young. Settling down should be something way off in the distance. I don’t even understand why people in their teens and early 20’s even try deeply monogamous and intense relationships in the first place. I mean, we all did it but and, looking back, it seems like a waste of time. But, it’s also learning experience as well so I suppose it’s got some value.
Now, I’ve been talking about “the outside looking in” here a lot cause, straight up, I don’t know you. Maybe you’re one of those guys who is a “one love” kinda person (not to be confused with rapper Nas, who meant that phrase completely differently). Perhaps the prospect of trying many different vaginas over the course of your life isn’t a big deal to you. Maybe you want to be married with kids by the time you’re 22. If that’s the case than, honestly, I’m not the guy who should be giving you advice. So, uh, go with your heart or something. But, if it were me? I’d break up with the high school love, hook up with the facebook girl casually and get the single guy ball rolling as soon as possible.

I just found out I have HPV. I am a guy. I show no symptoms. How am I supposed to handle this? Never have sex with a woman again? Tell every girl I hope to sleep with that I have HPV? If so, and in your expert opinion, won’t that kill the mood a bit? Do you think if I play a John Legend record while I’m telling them I have HPV I’m more likely to be successful?

How do you know if you have HPV if you have no symptoms? Isn’t part of HPV that most guys don’t know they have it and,thus, it gets spread around unknowingly? I read that over 50% of adult, sexually active men have it and I’m willing to be most of them have no idea.
Perhaps you should read this cause, you know, I’m not a doctor:http://www.cdc.gov/std/hpv/stdfact-hpv.htm
HPV is a tough one for men cause it doesn’t fuck us up but it does open the door for women to possible cancer. So, at worst, you get some warts while she’s possibly having her cervix removed. So, yeah…it’s pretty crucial to tell people. At the same time, condoms don’t always work to stop it from being passed along so, by telling them, you’re basically alerting them that, in all likelihood, you will be giving this virus to them. That’s some sexy shit.
Will it kill the mood? definitely. The john legend music is a good idea, it’s just too bad no crooner has made the “I got HPV but I wanna fuck you” Anthem yet. It’s only a matter of time though so hold tight.
I think what you gotta hope for is that you just happen to sleep with girls that already have it so it’s not an issue. On the bright side, the %’s are in your favor with that one so, hey, go nuts.
Also, the new generation has been vaccinated way more so that might help too. Try sleeping with 18 year olds and that might better the chances of them already being immune to it.

Hello! I am a 25 year old girl going out with a 23 year old guy, weve been on for about 5 or 6 months now. At first we would have sex at least once everytime we got together which would be 3-4 times a week. It was an intense initial connection we couldnt keep our hands off eachother and had fun interesting conversations along with this passionate mind altering sex. But in the past month or so he isnt initiating the sex near as much and even kinda shrugs me off if i try to. We still do it but its dwindled to about once a week. He works 40+ hours/ week and is remodeling his house so i dont see where he would have time to be seeing someone else. He has a lot going on in his family and their business, its a sad messed up situation that i know stresses and worries him alot. I guess my question is should i be worried? Do you think stress could be bringing him down that much? Im a sexual person and need to get it in more than once a week and we only live about 5 minutes from eachother. I understand that something like 5 6 times a day is an addiction, and i dont even need it every other day but could i be overwhelming him with my sexdrive? Is it possible for a guy to be overwhelmed with sex? Hes made comments like he wants to balance our physical connection with our mental connection (not in those corny words). Hes never been the type to sleep around a lot either, weve been good friends for years and finally took it to the next level. I know im attractive and he is attractive to me so what the hell?

This is a topic that comes up a lot. This could be happening for many reasons and I won’t be able to really pinpoint one…but I can list possibilities…
1)He’s tired of fucking you
Straight up, it happens. You ever heard the phrase “Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of fucking her”? it exists cause it’s real. Now, granted, he’s a little young to be signing off in the way you describe but it’s possible. Things like this are why it’s important to have a relationship deeper than just sex…but it’s also sometimes what separates friends from lovers.
2)He’s actually tired/stressed out
It’s possible. Sometimes, after a healthy sexual relationship has been established, dudes get comfortable. He’s content with once a week cause he’s actually got other shit on his plate. The shitty part about this is that, in a lot of cases, once in a relationship, the girl gets way hornier while the guys need to have sex wanes a little. So, while a once a week bone sesh might not be enough for you, he’s perfectly happy with that as his mind is dealing with problems/issues he deems more pressing. But, again, he’s 23…when I was 23 fucking was #1 priority. I could have been up for three days in a row and had the flu and I’d still find a way to make it work.
3)He’s cheating
Eh..doesn’t sound like it but it’s always possible. Much like the horniness of a typical 23 year old willing their way to bone under any circumstance, a dude can always find time to cheat if he sets his mind to it. That said, i don’t get that feeling from this question so I wouldn’t freak out about that too much.
4)His sex drive is down due to medication/drugs
Is he on anti-depression medication? Some of those have been known to kill a persons sex drive. Same with smoking shit tons of weed. Or doing heroin. If he’s medicating himself in anyway, that might be a reason his sex drive is down.
5)He simply may be signing out of the relationship in a slow, cowardly manner
Unlike the idea of #1 where he’s tired of having sex with you, this is deeper. That first example is more just settling into long term relationship complacency. This one is more dire. Often, when dudes are over a situation, they just start creating subtle distance. The lack of sex could be the first step. Honestly, considering his age, this one seems like the most likely to me of all these possibilities. He’s too young to have a dead sex drive and the fact you live 5 minutes apart really gives him no excuse. He might be limiting the sex cause, subconsciously, he doesn’t want to add fuel to relationships fire. He’s rather it slowly burn out. You mentioned you were friends first so he might feel cornered in how to deal with this all, as this relationship clearly has a history beyond you two just dating.

Since yer “trying to help” I need a good solid from ya on this one, guy. I’d love it if you had a separate advice column other than the Doctor T in all honesty, seems like ya gotta pertty good head on those shoulders. Anyway, I’m an avid follower a this here blog so I know yer not really into the drugs. Recently had a friend puddle me and a couple other friends while puddled himself (puddled=squirted with liquid LSD, not dropped, squirted, meaning you ingested close to about ten hits er more). We’ve been puddled before though…but he then went fucking crazy and I do mean batshit crazy. Cops came and we got the noise violation cuz we were loud yadda yadda..but I of course had to fuckin deal with them(actually just him) while I’m seein the air move and shit ON TOP of the fact that I’m in trouble with the law and not sposed to drink though I was drunk of course(fuckin nutso if ya trip and don’t drink..that type a shit is done in the forest alone). Turned out I grew up with the cops kid and used to go to his house as a wee boy so he gave me a break, thank the universe, or I woulda been faced in a jail cell. But then after the ticket he went bonkers. Was screaming “Punch me in the fuckin face clyde!” in the kitchen of my parents house nonetheless, who were outta town. I had to put him down ten feet from some antiques n shit when I’m tryin to keep my parents house intact! Him and I have fought before, which is fucked, as I never started SHIT, but finished it. That didn’t calm him down though… So I was on the verge a goin to jail just faced an all, thinkin about callin the cops on HIM. The fuck? Anyway had to lead in with that…questions this. I know this guy through and through and he’s done A LOT of questionable shit(can’t even get started). Previous to said atrocity of a trip(most stressed I have EVER been) I had forgave his past wrongs and we were tight. After, I’m wondering…isn’t this kid a liability if he put me and 2 other guys in a position to go to jail while we were all trippin face? Should I never give a kid I’ve known over a decade who yes, has his faults, but also has experienced some wonderful things with me, another chance, as then that would make ME the fool for giving dude another shot? I mean…I’m trying to see it as “well drugs will fuck ya up, ey” but can’t help thinkin I’ve been surrounding myself with a guy who’d steal yer wallet then help ya look for it.

I think I need a decoder ring for your writing but hopefully I got enough of the point to answer.
I think issues with old friends are something we can all relate too.
You boy had a bad trip and acted like a fucking moron. This is par for the course as some people just don’t do drugs well. That said, I get the feeling that his behavior is an issue outside of just when he’s on drugs…or , if not, he’s got issues with drugs and sucks when he’s on them. Regardless, he sounds like he’s got problems.
I’ve found, with friends like this, that there’s a happy medium to what kind of friendship you have with them. I’ve got friends like this and they’re all still in my life but kept at a distance. There are certain things I simply don’t do with them. I only invite them out when it’s group thing and I’m not responsible for them. I most certainly wouldn’t invite them to anything that was based around getting really fucked up. I’d suggest rocking with this and if problems persist, you may just have to cut that dude off. As we get older, people are often on very different pages. Some get real jobs, some have kids, some keep acting like they did when they were 18. those things are not always gonna be in sync so, sometimes, you gotta just let an old friend go and chalk it up to the years coming between you. You can still run into them on the street and chop it up (this doesn’t need to be dramatic like an intervention) but making a clear distance between you is the best idea.
But most of all, when dealing with people who can’t do drugs well or have issues when they’re drunk, I find the “backing away slowly” method to be best. In both the literal and figurative sense.

Tim and I discuss music and stuff vol. 45

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This week Tim AKA Alaska and I talk about videos by new comers Tone Oliver,White Denim and The Midnight Show. So, if you like hearing new shit, this is your week. Tim also reiterates his off base hate of Stevie wonder (Do you hate pizza too?) and loses all blackwatch privileges by shitting on the X-Clan. Don’t you know I’m an honorary member , bro!?!? (I’m not even kidding…read about that HERE)
Other than that though, we’re pretty copacetic. Which is nice.

http://www.syffal.com/tone-oliver-white-denim

Answers for questions vol. 154

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What up everyone?
Another week and more questions. Just like I planned it. Hey if you’re in Seattle, I’m playing a show there this wednesday at the Showbox with Wax Tailor and Little People. Come through!
Anyway, I always need new questions…this is where you help me. Send me stuff…anything. Get creative. Either leave the questions in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com.

This week first question got skipped to the head of the queue as I feel no one will remember the issue if I let it sit for a few weeks. Also, it’s kind of a hot button topic…from last week.

where do you stand on the Mister Cee scandal?

For those who might not know, Mr. Cee is a highly respected and beloved hip hop dj. He was Big Daddy Kane’s Dj and even played a part in the discovery of Biggie. He’s also , in the last few years, had continual problem with getting arrested for soliciting blow jobs from transexuals. My stats could be off but I think he’s got knocked for this like three times in the past year or so.
He recently went on the radio and had a lengthy and highly awkward discussion about it.

So,what do I think? Well, I got a few thoughts.
First and foremost, He can do whatever he wants with his body. He likes getting head from men who vaguely look like women, I have no problem with that. People like what they like. I’m not gonna judge the dude on that kinda thing BUT I will say that he’s kind of an idiot in how he did/does it. There are plenty of ways to go about procuring a wet transexual mouth without having to put yourself out there in public over and over again. I mean, does Mr. Cee not know about the internet? The “C” clearly doesn’t stand for “Craig’s list”. Fuck that…does he not know about the back of village voice? Any new yorker knows that the back pages of the Village Voice are full of escort adds. Transexuals included.
My thought is that part of the excitement for him is the risk. It’s kinda like when celebrities have been caught jerking off to porn in movie theaters. Sure they could play it safe and jerk off to porn alone in their homes like the rest of us…but nooooooo. They need to rush of doing it in public. The possibility of being caught is part of the excitement…until you get caught.
The interview is rough cause you’re basically listening to a man who might very well be coming to terms with his sexuality. A sexuality he doesn’t even seem to have a firm grasp on. He says he’s not gay. He certainly had a history of being a dude who slept with many women, for whatever that’s worth. But you can hear the doubt in his voice. I don’t blame him for not just jumping out an admitting something cause, for one, hip hop has never been that gay friendly. Sure, it’s come a long way and Macklemore made that song but there still is issues with it, Worse than that, Cee is west indian and gayness is generally frowned upon in that culture. So, I get his reservations about fully just owning up to his true feelings. But, when it comes down to it, Cee is AT LEAST Bisexual. The argument for him only liking transexuals cause they’re at least feminine could be made but, as a guy who grew up in the west village surrounded by transexuals, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Yes, some (VERY FEW) are convincing looking but the majority of them look like dudes. And the ones Cee has been caught with sure as hell did too. My thoughts/non-sanctioned medical opinion are that, while this is his fetish, it is also his brain trying to tell him something that he’s not trying to hear.
All that said, the fact remains, the dude is a legend and none of this should have any effect on anyone’s opinion of his legacy. Where you stick your dick is your own business and no one should have their career ruined over it (unless it’s inside kids cause then, you know, you’re a fucking piece of shit).

I’ve got a question for you. A man appears at your front door and offers you 1 of 2 pills. The first pill gives you the ability to eat what ever you want whenever you want and you’ll maintain a ripped body but you can also never have sex or be in a relationship. The second pill gives you and one person of your choice the ability of eternal life (yous will never die even if yous wish to end it). And don’t refuse the pills. You said your low on questions so I’m trying to help out haha

Kinda depends on one thing.
I’d take the second pill without question if my aging process stopped with it. Staying the same ago would be crucial to that cause no one needs to live well into their 500’s. Can you imagine what a 500 year old would look like? Take your grandma, multiply that by 6 and remove all her bones. If that’s the case, I’d take the ripped and lonely pill.
The buff pill seems kinda pointless. Oh great, I’m super ripped but I can’t have sex or be with anyone. What’s the perk there? Jerking off to myself in the mirror? Though the idea of eating whatever I want forever is EXTREMELY tempting.

Do you think growing up in New York expanding your taste women? Or that someone’s taste in just imprinted within them? Nature vs. nurture shit. Just curious because I grew up in a fairly diverse area and where I live now for work, a lot of people that I’ve met are blown away that I’m ever attracted to black guys being a white woman. Maybe this is just the people I’ve met, maybe it’s just a “southern” thing. I know you’ve said your girl is a mix of things and that you’ve expressed sexual interest in woman of many races in FMK. Or maybe you’ve just always had better luck with non-white girls? I know this is a weird question but nature vs. nurture topics interest me.

I think nurture comes into play heavily with this thing. I don’t think anyone is wired to not be attracted to all races but you are generally going to be attracted to what’s around you. In a city like NYC, there are literally every type of girl imaginable. And not just that, the hottest ones from all those races come here and breed. So it was real easy to find myself attracted to all different types of women.
When I was in high school, I was obsessed with Puerto Rican girls. They couldn’t give a shit about me but that was my focus. I wasn’t alone in that either as most dudes I knew felt the same way. While the urgency to date a puerto rican has waned over the years (The older I’ve gotten, the less distinct my taste has gotten), there still is an ideal girl in my mind that is a short, curvy, tan girl. I gotta think that’s left over from my more formative years growing up in the city.

What Pitchfork hyped-up band would you most likely kill with a pitchfork?

Oh, I have no idea. I don’t read pitchfork. Not cause I dislike that site but more cause I don’t tend to listen to the kind of music they care about. I’m not an indie rock guy.
I did just see they gave Drake an 8.6 and, though I haven’t heard the album, I’m fairly confidant it is not an 8.6/10.
I dunno if he deserves a pitchfork to the chest though. Perhaps death by poutine would be more fitting.

after watching “the search for sugar man” on netflix yesterday, obviously i went and downloaded his music immediately and got a chance to organize it today. come to find out i have a rodriguez song in my library already, and i knew it could only be your old song of the day that gave me that. my question is, how did you come across this music, since according to the documentary its basically completely unknown in the US? dollar bin perhaps?

I happened upon his album “Cold fact” maybe 7 or 8 years ago. I was on a downloading spree in search of samples and that just happened to be one of the albums I snatched up randomly. Typically, when I get a shitload of new music to sample, I go through it in a very organized fashion. I listen to each song (At least a little of each song) and , if there’s something redeemable about it, I throw it in a playlist with a note saying what instrument it is. In general, it’s a tedious process that involves me listening to tons of shitty music while I look for that one sound. Every now and then, I’ll come across something that jumps out at me as beyond just sample fodder. Actual good music. This has happened maybe 5 or 6 times in my life. In the case of Rodriguez, it was the opening track “Sugar man” that got my attention.

It wasn’t the music to much as the voice. I love a cool singing voice and his just hit my ears in a perfect way. I skimmed through the album and realized it was almost all pretty awesome and threw it in a playlist of music I actually listen to.

maybe it’s been asked but how do you stay in shape? I know you still ball but I have noticed that since I passed 30 shit is harder . Do you follow anything?

First off, “staying in shape” is a relative idea. I’m “in shape” in the sense that I’m able to play sports and be active but it’s not like I’m in amazing shape. I’m not trying to go to the beach and take shirtless pics any time soon. I’m okay. I’m alway hovering around 200 pounds , which is okay for a dude my size, but I’m a couple thousand chin ups away from actually being in great shape.
So, while I can’t tell you any fitness tips, I can tell you how to maintain and look at least presentable.
1)Exercise.
I play ball 3 times a week. I used to go to the gym and do some weights and run but that shit bores the fuck out of me.
2)Try to eat well
This is hard for me cause food is pretty much my favorite thing on earth. But , as you get older, you gotta get a grip on that shit. Chill with the fried food on a regular basis. Don’t ever eat fast food. Don’t eat before you go to bed. I’m bad at this all but it is always on my mind so, in a way, that’s often enough to keep my piggy desires at bay enough and ensure I don’t start looking like every over 35 hip hop dj ever.
3)Don’t drink/smoke weed all the time.
It’s amazing how much weight I lose when i just don’t drink for a few weeks. I think part of that is that , when I drink, I end up having that 4:30 am meal and the next day is a total wash. Getting drunk, for me at least, leads to a chain reaction of bad eating choices for the next three meals. As for weed, I don’t smoke it anymore but it does make food taste even better. My fattest years on earth were my weed smoking years.

The basic rules for staying in shape are to not be a lazy, slovenly sack of crap. If you can do that, you’ll be okay.

Poll: Which Danny Brown do you prefer?

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Danny Brown is a rapper I’ve been following for as long as I can remember. In an age where rappers get quick fame via the internet but disappear just as quickly, Brown has actually been around for a while. He’s been dropping quality mix tapes and albums since 2007, so were talking the Myspace era. That’s a veteran in 2013 , as far as I’m concerned.
One interesting thing about Brown is his two very specific and extremely different styles that he often uses. He’s got the hyped up, screeching Danny Brown and the more calm (though it’s impossible for him to be truly calm), straight talk Danny Brown. The two almost seem like Jekyll and Hyde. His new album “Old” is dropping soon and I figured why not get a taste of what you guys are thinking about him right now. So, I have a simple question for you today: Which Danny brown do you prefer?
Here are some examples of both:

“Calm” Danny


Hyped Danny


So, what do youthink?

The best/worst idea of all time

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So, I was sitting around with a few old friends the other day. As old friends sometimes do, we got to talking about old “relationships” and funny situations from our younger days. A girl came up that had slept with a few of our friends (a few of us in that room as well) and we started talking about how much time would be saved if dating site users had a database to look at to see what they were dealing with before getting involved. After all, a profile made by the person themselves is always going to put that best foot forward. The reality of a person doesn’t usually show it’s face till later. all of a sudden the worlds greatest/worst idea was born: Yelp! for humans.
Now, I’d like to right now claim this idea (along with my two friends who I was in the room with). It is September 19th, 2013. If this happens, somewhere down the line, I’m suing everyone. I need to find a computer savvy person and take this shit on to Shark Tank right away…How do you even copyright something like this? Surely posting it on a public blog for all to read is the best idea so let’s move forward with it.
The idea is to add a feature too all social networks and dating sites where people can write reviews for other people…just like yelp. Now, this is the best idea cause how many of you online dating motherfuckers go on dates with people only to realize that the person you’re with is a lunatic? Well, how about simply realizing that person is boring and selfish? Wouldn’t your rather just read their yelp reviews? Now, obviously, this idea is full of huge gaping holes (Much like your mom) so bare with me. I’ll get to that stuff later. For now, let’s look at what a Human Yelp review might look like:

Sara Smith (these are not real people and this is all made up, FYI)
Unknown
I met sara via this site. Her pictures led me to believe she was a classy and attractive lady. When I met up with her, I was kinda disappointed as her hair was a lot shorter and her figure seemed to have gained about 20 pounds. Still, I was interested enough. So, we were talking and she kept doing that thing where she nods at everything you say but then cuts you off before you can finish. As if she wasn’t listening to me and simply waiting for her chance to be the talker. The dinner was decent. She was on her phone a lot though, texting often and she even instagrammed her meal, which was weird cause we were at a Red Lobster. Even though I wasn’t thrilled with her, she was nice enough and it had been a while for me so I was angling for some physical connection. We went to a local bar and she seemingly got drunk immediately. I don’t know what happened but , all of a sudden, she went from sober to frat house wasted. I didn’t mind cause it was gonna make my goal a little easier. She was doing this awful “sexy” dance at the bar but I just kind of pretended I didn’t see it. I took her back to my place for a “night cap”. We had a drink and spoke for a little bit but eventually started hooking up. It was a smooth transition. She was a little sloppy at that point but not so much where I felt like I was taking advantage of her. She went down on me and it kinda felt like a slobbery bobcat but at least she was enthusiastic. We then proceeded to have sex. Her tits kinda looked like empty beanbags but he body was actually pretty decent outside of that. She asked me to get a condom. I didn’t. We still had sex anyway. We both passed out after. In the morning , she slept later than me and was very curious about our breakfast plans once see finally got up. I had to take a shit really badly and wanted some privacy but she didn’t seem to get the hint that she might have to go home. So , I took her out to breakfast at a nearby diner and told her I had to be somewhere after.
Overall, it was a decent enough experience but I don’t think I’ll be following up on this one as I don’t see it going much further than it already did.

Tell me that kind of info wouldn’t help you make a clearer choice when dating online? But it works both ways. In my mind, if a guy writes a review, the girl would have to as well (both sides of the story!) in order for either to get published on the site. It’s only fair to have both sides. And that may go like this:

Paul Johnson
Unknown

I met Paul via this site. He seemed funny and nice from the texts we sent. In person, he was much shorter than I thought and he was wearing some busted old New Balance sneakers. Still, he was kinda cute and polite so I wasn’t totally ready to write him off. He took me to Red Lobster. I couldn’t tell if he was being ironic or not about that. Anyway, he was kinda boring. I felt like I was keeping the entire conversation going and he was just along for the ride. Maybe he was nervous. I suggested we get some drinks with hopes of loosening things up. We went to a nearby bar and had a really fun time. We had some cocktails, I danced a little and Paul came out of his shell. At this point, I wasn’t sold on hooking up with him but I figured , fuck it, it had been a while for me and he was nice enough. Besides, he was kinda skinny with a big nose so I thought he might have a big dick or something. So we went back to his house and had a drink. He got a little grope-y but , like I said, I figured why not? We hooked up and it was okay. He seemed into it. His dick was pretty normal, so that was okay. He totally put a condom on, which I thought was responsible and cool of him. He did keep his socks on though which was strange. The sex was pretty sub standard as all he did was pound the hell out of me in one position for like a minute and 45 seconds before cumming on my inner thigh. We were both pretty tired after and went to sleep.
In the morning , I wasn’t trying to have sex again even though he was subtly angling. I was really hungry but I also had to take a huge shit. I figured if we got out of his apartment I could do it at a restaurant and kill two birds with one stone.Not to mention, the bathroom in his apartment was kind of disgusting. The toilet paper was just sitting on top of the sink. Gross. We went to some cheap diner and ate. We split the bill.
Overall, he’s a nice enough guy but what kind of asshole doesn’t pay for breakfast?

See how that works? Hell, I’d read that kinda shit even if I wasn’t on dating sites. But it could go beyond dating sites!
Even on a basic level of something like facebook…say some stranger friend requests you. That’s when you Yelp! them.

Johnny Stern has requested your friendship
Johnny Stern
Unknown-1

This low life requested me cause he knew some friend of mine from high school. It turns out we met at a bar once three years ago. Anyway, I accepted cause it seemed harmless. Well, big mistake…He posts his favorite youtube videos all day and his taste in music is terrible. He also invites me to play fucking Farmville twice a week. Worst of all, he went back and liked like 15 of my pictures that I had posted years ago. A few were of me at age 15 , on a family trip to the beaches of greece. total creep.
Overall, I’d avoid this guy at all costs. He’s a total scumbag and a loser.

But what about good reviews? They could be benefical as well.
Beth Wilson has requested your friendship
Beth Wilson
Unknown-2
I met Beth briefly at an office party. She was very cute and friendly so I was actually excited to see her request my friendship the next day. Turns out accepting her friendship was the right choice. Not only does she leave cute, arguably flirtatious comments on my updates but she’s got a whole photo album of her and her hot friends in their bikinis. I mean, goddamn..I could tell she had a cute body but I had no idea how good it really was. I also used our new found friendship to find out she’s single and that she always updates where she’s gonna be that night by checking into fucking everywhere. She even checks into coffee shops and movies theaters. It’s kind of insane but, hey, I’m not mad at the access. I’m definitely gonna make a move one of these nights and catch her out there. She’s a great friend to have!

I’m telling you guys,on the surface, this is a million dollar idea. However..I’m not delusional. I realize there would be issues. Things like:
1)Negative Lying
This is part of the game. Dating is generally a bunch of he said/she said bullshit anyway so, sadly, lying is par for the course. The best way to limit this would be to have a stipulation saying that anything you say on “Yelp! human reviews” is admissible in a court of law. Even if it isn’t, that might scare a few people away from being completely full of shit.
2)Positive lying
This would happen more on fFacebook where girl friends would write glowing reviews of their friends even though, deep down, they probably hate their guts. Hopefully this could be monitored somehow and kept to a minimum but , alas, I have a feeling it would be hard to stop.
3)Revenge
Obviously, if you read a bad review of a date you had that you thought went well, it would send you into a downward spiral of fury and resentment. The obvious reaction would be to write a scathing review of that same person. A way to forgo that would be for people to not be able to see the reviews written about them. Either forever or for a few weeks till after the first date. That way, on an off chance the first date was rocky but the second was a success, the original reviewer could adjust his/her review accordingly. Oh, that reminds me, there would be an “edit” feature for people to correct their reviews as time passes.
4)spamming
It’s everywhere. No one is beating spam. It’s the cockroach of the internet. Deal with it.
5)trolling
This would be the worst problem. People simply fucking with each other for the sake of doing it. You can’t have an open forum without trolling in 2013. The best way to combat this would be to have eagle eyed mods. It would be their job to accept or deny all entries. Sure, this is a huge task as, if this were to take off, you’d be getting thousands of submissions daily, but if the whole review is something like
“She kisses like a fish and she don’t give head”, surely that can be handled.

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg with why this might be an issue. But, you know what? Consider that our privacy is not only a lost right, it’s also a lost desire. People are shameless nowadays. No one even seems to care when their entire lives are put on blast…so much so that they do it themselves. So, much like normal Yelp! Reviews, when reading your reviews, you’d have to take them all with a grain of salt. At the least, you’d only trust reviewers with their share of stars and experience. You can also trust that those same people are chock full of std’s.

So, yeah, any one with tons of money and computer knowledge wanna piece of this idea? holler at your boy. Let’s get rich.

New video for “Hangliding thru the city” By MarQ Spekt

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My boy MarQ Spekt and I got a finished album waiting for you guys called “Justplaywitit”. I did all the beats and he did all the raps. Not sure when it’ll drop but hopefully soon enough. It’s my third album with an MC this year and I’m really proud of it as, not only is is a great album but it sounds nothing like the other two albums I did (speaking of which, peep “Capture the sun” By Illogic and “Dour Candy” By Billy Woods!) .
Our boy Dallas Penn was nice enough to make a video of the song “Hangliding thru the city”. So here’s a first taste of what’s to come. Enjoy.
Cause Vimeo gives me issues on here, I can’t embed, so here’s a link to the video:
http://vimeo.com/74514374