Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 31

It’s been a while but I’m back again with that completely off base advice you know and love. As always, I should warn, I’m not a licensed anything but I do shoot from the hip and try to give you the least “blowing smoke up your ass” advice as possible. If you’re having trouble in love or, really, trouble in any aspect of live that you feel needs guidance, I’m a great impartial outlet to unload your burdens on. Trust me, you’re friends are sick of hearing it. So, if you got issues, holler at me. Email me questions at or leave the questions in the comments below. Everything is anonymous and kosher. This is as safe a place as you can find on the internet.
Let’s look at this weeks batch of questions…

I could use some of your insight on this issue I have. So, I’ve been dating the same girl for about five years and I’m 19 years old. We were in love, and she’s the only person I’ve dated seriously. I met another girl a while back, and I never thought I would see her again but she facebooked me and one thing led to another, and I started to get some real feelings for her. I never intended this, and I felt like I was going crazy. We hooked up a couple times, but naturally my girlfriend found out and the whole thing blew up in my face.
After the fallout both of these women still wanna talk and hang out. Part of me wants to work things out with her and another wants me to keep seeing this new girl, and see how things play out. But the more I am alone with my thoughts, I just wanna crawl under a rock for stringing both these girls along.
Anyway, do you think I am too young to be monogamous without living a life full of regret? Just from a practical standpoint, is it time to move on?

This is tough cause, from the outside looking in, clearly you should not be marrying the first girl you date seriously. I mean, jesus christ, you started dating her when you were 14! You realize you’re going to live to be in your 80’s most likely, right? If you’re already having those feelings of “Hmm…maybe I wanna test the waters” now, I can only tell you it gets worse the older you get. Especially when you hit like 30 and you’ve only seen one vagina. What are you, a pastor?
Again, from the outside looking in, I’d say move on from them both and just be a single person for a while. You’re really young. Settling down should be something way off in the distance. I don’t even understand why people in their teens and early 20’s even try deeply monogamous and intense relationships in the first place. I mean, we all did it but and, looking back, it seems like a waste of time. But, it’s also learning experience as well so I suppose it’s got some value.
Now, I’ve been talking about “the outside looking in” here a lot cause, straight up, I don’t know you. Maybe you’re one of those guys who is a “one love” kinda person (not to be confused with rapper Nas, who meant that phrase completely differently). Perhaps the prospect of trying many different vaginas over the course of your life isn’t a big deal to you. Maybe you want to be married with kids by the time you’re 22. If that’s the case than, honestly, I’m not the guy who should be giving you advice. So, uh, go with your heart or something. But, if it were me? I’d break up with the high school love, hook up with the facebook girl casually and get the single guy ball rolling as soon as possible.

I just found out I have HPV. I am a guy. I show no symptoms. How am I supposed to handle this? Never have sex with a woman again? Tell every girl I hope to sleep with that I have HPV? If so, and in your expert opinion, won’t that kill the mood a bit? Do you think if I play a John Legend record while I’m telling them I have HPV I’m more likely to be successful?

How do you know if you have HPV if you have no symptoms? Isn’t part of HPV that most guys don’t know they have it and,thus, it gets spread around unknowingly? I read that over 50% of adult, sexually active men have it and I’m willing to be most of them have no idea.
Perhaps you should read this cause, you know, I’m not a doctor:
HPV is a tough one for men cause it doesn’t fuck us up but it does open the door for women to possible cancer. So, at worst, you get some warts while she’s possibly having her cervix removed. So, yeah…it’s pretty crucial to tell people. At the same time, condoms don’t always work to stop it from being passed along so, by telling them, you’re basically alerting them that, in all likelihood, you will be giving this virus to them. That’s some sexy shit.
Will it kill the mood? definitely. The john legend music is a good idea, it’s just too bad no crooner has made the “I got HPV but I wanna fuck you” Anthem yet. It’s only a matter of time though so hold tight.
I think what you gotta hope for is that you just happen to sleep with girls that already have it so it’s not an issue. On the bright side, the %’s are in your favor with that one so, hey, go nuts.
Also, the new generation has been vaccinated way more so that might help too. Try sleeping with 18 year olds and that might better the chances of them already being immune to it.

Hello! I am a 25 year old girl going out with a 23 year old guy, weve been on for about 5 or 6 months now. At first we would have sex at least once everytime we got together which would be 3-4 times a week. It was an intense initial connection we couldnt keep our hands off eachother and had fun interesting conversations along with this passionate mind altering sex. But in the past month or so he isnt initiating the sex near as much and even kinda shrugs me off if i try to. We still do it but its dwindled to about once a week. He works 40+ hours/ week and is remodeling his house so i dont see where he would have time to be seeing someone else. He has a lot going on in his family and their business, its a sad messed up situation that i know stresses and worries him alot. I guess my question is should i be worried? Do you think stress could be bringing him down that much? Im a sexual person and need to get it in more than once a week and we only live about 5 minutes from eachother. I understand that something like 5 6 times a day is an addiction, and i dont even need it every other day but could i be overwhelming him with my sexdrive? Is it possible for a guy to be overwhelmed with sex? Hes made comments like he wants to balance our physical connection with our mental connection (not in those corny words). Hes never been the type to sleep around a lot either, weve been good friends for years and finally took it to the next level. I know im attractive and he is attractive to me so what the hell?

This is a topic that comes up a lot. This could be happening for many reasons and I won’t be able to really pinpoint one…but I can list possibilities…
1)He’s tired of fucking you
Straight up, it happens. You ever heard the phrase “Show me the most beautiful woman in the world and I’ll show you a guy who’s tired of fucking her”? it exists cause it’s real. Now, granted, he’s a little young to be signing off in the way you describe but it’s possible. Things like this are why it’s important to have a relationship deeper than just sex…but it’s also sometimes what separates friends from lovers.
2)He’s actually tired/stressed out
It’s possible. Sometimes, after a healthy sexual relationship has been established, dudes get comfortable. He’s content with once a week cause he’s actually got other shit on his plate. The shitty part about this is that, in a lot of cases, once in a relationship, the girl gets way hornier while the guys need to have sex wanes a little. So, while a once a week bone sesh might not be enough for you, he’s perfectly happy with that as his mind is dealing with problems/issues he deems more pressing. But, again, he’s 23…when I was 23 fucking was #1 priority. I could have been up for three days in a row and had the flu and I’d still find a way to make it work.
3)He’s cheating
Eh..doesn’t sound like it but it’s always possible. Much like the horniness of a typical 23 year old willing their way to bone under any circumstance, a dude can always find time to cheat if he sets his mind to it. That said, i don’t get that feeling from this question so I wouldn’t freak out about that too much.
4)His sex drive is down due to medication/drugs
Is he on anti-depression medication? Some of those have been known to kill a persons sex drive. Same with smoking shit tons of weed. Or doing heroin. If he’s medicating himself in anyway, that might be a reason his sex drive is down.
5)He simply may be signing out of the relationship in a slow, cowardly manner
Unlike the idea of #1 where he’s tired of having sex with you, this is deeper. That first example is more just settling into long term relationship complacency. This one is more dire. Often, when dudes are over a situation, they just start creating subtle distance. The lack of sex could be the first step. Honestly, considering his age, this one seems like the most likely to me of all these possibilities. He’s too young to have a dead sex drive and the fact you live 5 minutes apart really gives him no excuse. He might be limiting the sex cause, subconsciously, he doesn’t want to add fuel to relationships fire. He’s rather it slowly burn out. You mentioned you were friends first so he might feel cornered in how to deal with this all, as this relationship clearly has a history beyond you two just dating.

Since yer “trying to help” I need a good solid from ya on this one, guy. I’d love it if you had a separate advice column other than the Doctor T in all honesty, seems like ya gotta pertty good head on those shoulders. Anyway, I’m an avid follower a this here blog so I know yer not really into the drugs. Recently had a friend puddle me and a couple other friends while puddled himself (puddled=squirted with liquid LSD, not dropped, squirted, meaning you ingested close to about ten hits er more). We’ve been puddled before though…but he then went fucking crazy and I do mean batshit crazy. Cops came and we got the noise violation cuz we were loud yadda yadda..but I of course had to fuckin deal with them(actually just him) while I’m seein the air move and shit ON TOP of the fact that I’m in trouble with the law and not sposed to drink though I was drunk of course(fuckin nutso if ya trip and don’t drink..that type a shit is done in the forest alone). Turned out I grew up with the cops kid and used to go to his house as a wee boy so he gave me a break, thank the universe, or I woulda been faced in a jail cell. But then after the ticket he went bonkers. Was screaming “Punch me in the fuckin face clyde!” in the kitchen of my parents house nonetheless, who were outta town. I had to put him down ten feet from some antiques n shit when I’m tryin to keep my parents house intact! Him and I have fought before, which is fucked, as I never started SHIT, but finished it. That didn’t calm him down though… So I was on the verge a goin to jail just faced an all, thinkin about callin the cops on HIM. The fuck? Anyway had to lead in with that…questions this. I know this guy through and through and he’s done A LOT of questionable shit(can’t even get started). Previous to said atrocity of a trip(most stressed I have EVER been) I had forgave his past wrongs and we were tight. After, I’m wondering…isn’t this kid a liability if he put me and 2 other guys in a position to go to jail while we were all trippin face? Should I never give a kid I’ve known over a decade who yes, has his faults, but also has experienced some wonderful things with me, another chance, as then that would make ME the fool for giving dude another shot? I mean…I’m trying to see it as “well drugs will fuck ya up, ey” but can’t help thinkin I’ve been surrounding myself with a guy who’d steal yer wallet then help ya look for it.

I think I need a decoder ring for your writing but hopefully I got enough of the point to answer.
I think issues with old friends are something we can all relate too.
You boy had a bad trip and acted like a fucking moron. This is par for the course as some people just don’t do drugs well. That said, I get the feeling that his behavior is an issue outside of just when he’s on drugs…or , if not, he’s got issues with drugs and sucks when he’s on them. Regardless, he sounds like he’s got problems.
I’ve found, with friends like this, that there’s a happy medium to what kind of friendship you have with them. I’ve got friends like this and they’re all still in my life but kept at a distance. There are certain things I simply don’t do with them. I only invite them out when it’s group thing and I’m not responsible for them. I most certainly wouldn’t invite them to anything that was based around getting really fucked up. I’d suggest rocking with this and if problems persist, you may just have to cut that dude off. As we get older, people are often on very different pages. Some get real jobs, some have kids, some keep acting like they did when they were 18. those things are not always gonna be in sync so, sometimes, you gotta just let an old friend go and chalk it up to the years coming between you. You can still run into them on the street and chop it up (this doesn’t need to be dramatic like an intervention) but making a clear distance between you is the best idea.
But most of all, when dealing with people who can’t do drugs well or have issues when they’re drunk, I find the “backing away slowly” method to be best. In both the literal and figurative sense.

7 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 31

  1. Please don’t let that be advice to sleep with women without disclosing the fact that you have an incurable STD that causes cancer. Let that be advice to be responsible with your partners, BOTH of you get tested before you sleep together, and use protection. It’s true many girls have been vaccinated these days, but they are getting vaccinated because they want to avoid getting HPV. So even if they are vaccinated, having sex with someone who has is should be a choice they get to make.

  2. I know you and /or Alaska have mentioned somewhat of a disdain for the racist/homophobic stylings of Lord Jamar of Bran Nubian fame. What’s your take on his recent ramblings about how white rappers are “guests” in the house of HipHop,should behave as such, and have no right to make a sort of political statements or comments that go against “house politics”? Personally, I wonder who appointed a no longer relevant rapper spokeperson for an entire culture but I also hated waiting through his verses for Puba and Sadat to rhyme but that’s just me.

    In case you haven’t read the article;

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