I haven’t done one of these is a loooooooooong time. Why? Cause apparently no one wants my advice/insight. Fair enough. I don’t blame you. After all, I’m as qualified to give life advice to strangers as I am to perform heart surgery. Still, I contend that I’ll at least shoot straighter than your bummy homeboy/girl who has their own agenda. So, if you’d like some of my bullshit wisdom bestowed upon you, please, send me questions…I can give advice on all things (Or I can try, at least). Not just matters of the heart. Send them my way. Leave them in the comments below or email them to me at @firstname.lastname@example.org. Everything is anonymous.
As for this installment, the questions are all over the place but, hey, I take what I get. Help me help you.
I think if men were completely honest most of them would admit that they really don’t care if their girlfriends/wives fake their orgasms. Do you think that’s true? Also, logic tells me that if women enjoyed sex as much as men do their appetite for it would be equal, and yet most people agree that it isn’t. In general men seem to need and want sex more than women do. How would you explain this?
I disagree deeply with your synopsis. The way I see it, there are two types of men. Men who care if they get their “lover” (I loath that word) off and men who don’t. For the ones who do care, we genuinely want the person we’re having sex with to have an orgasm. If a girl fakes it and we knew, it would probably piss us off. Not at the girl but at ourselves cause it would be like we couldn’t get the job done. Granted, situations vary and things happen within sexual encounters all the time that make a females orgasm an unattainable feat…but , in general, I like to think that , for the men who actually care, they want the real thing. The downside of this is , sometimes, it’s just not gonna happen for the girl and this leads to a dude boning a girl for way too long. He’s hitting it for an hour hoping to get her there but she checked out 45 minutes ago and is very likely sore. But, hey, at least his heart is in the right place. Dudes that genuinely don’t give a shit about the pleasure of the person they’re having sex with befuddle me. Those guys are basically jerking off with another humans body. Those guys surely don’t give a fuck if a girl fakes it or not cause, really, they don’t give a fuck about her on any level to begin with.
As for sexual appetite, I think there are many layers to that. I think, off the bat, men are hornier. We can look at a girl on the street and immediately want to put our penis inside her, no questions asked. Women are a little more picky in that sense. Now, that could be from decades of slut shaming or just a part of their DNA. I have no fucking idea. But, whatever it is, they tend to be more careful with who they swap fluids. While you or me might be willing to go raw dogs with a complete stranger based entirely on the fact they have nice tits, I’m pretty sure a complete stranger having rock hard abs would , at the very least, warrant a condom usage for most women. That just speaks on the carnal desires men have based entirely on visuals. The woman could be a nazi sympathizer with a voice like Fran dresher and most guys would probably still hit it if it was available.
However, once a more consistent flow of sex is happening, I think a woman’s appetite far exceeds most mens. Once they’re getting it, they want it all the time. Where as, once a dude falls into a comfort cycle of sex, it’s no longer an urgent for us. We don’t need it 5 times a day. Hell, a lot of dudes in relationships cringe at the thought of that and would probably be cool with a couple of times a week tops.
Basically, what I’m saying is that the whole scale of desire for sex between the different sexes is constantly shifting depending on the situation and the people. Men and women have a similar want for sex, they often just desire it in different ways and under different circumstances.
Hey Block, Roommate took me out to introduce me to his girls roommate seeing as she was having dude trouble. Some how the dating spectrum came up and we were all discussing the differences between seeing someone, dating, relationships and marriage. All confusing labels people put on shit. Me, being the casanova guy I am, decide to quote you from “Cook it up” and say “Well no ring on the finger no strings attached”. Immediately I was defending myself and eating my words but being the naive person I am, I still believe that shit I bumped back in high school and you saying No ring on the finger, no Strings attached….How true is this? Am I rightfully an asshole?
I think you took a song that wasn’t supposed to be serious as gospel. That song is a tongue in cheek , made up story of how Aesop was terrible at bagging girls. The lyrics I sang on there were meant to be completely ignorant and off base. So, you know, you might not wanna follow those words as life lessons.
That said, TECHNICALLY, until the ring is on the finger, I suppose you could pull that line. However, it’s completely overlooking the concept of a monogamous relationship between two people who aren’t married. So, it sorta ends right there unless you’re a scumbag.
I will say that there is a definitive line with exclusivity within relationships and , until that topic is discussed and agreed upon between the two people, there truly aren’t strings attached. You could be in love with someone but if you haven’t had the “Let’s not see other people/let’s be a couple” convo, you’re free to put your genitals where ever you so desire.
Do you think monogamy is natural or something society made? Does it come second nature to you or do you wish you could sleep with chicks but decided not to in respect for your relationship?
I do think monogamy is some made up shit. I think the idea of pairing up forever is definitely something that is not natural to anyone but penguins. For me, I don’t have trouble being monogamous but it’s definitely not how my brain is wired. Being in a relationship, I have to actively shut down my natural urges out of love and respect for my girl. I assume that’s how everyone is but , then again, every now and then you’ll meet a motherfucker on some “I don’t even notice other women…” story. Gotta say, I don’t buy that shit for a second but enough people spew it that, perhaps, there might be some validity to it. But, personally, I’m not like that. The desire to want to fuck other people never goes away. In love, out of love, depressed…whatever. All you can do, if you have chosen to be with someone is , is deal with it.
And this isn’t one-sided. I’m sure my girl wants to fuck tons of people too. I guess the only thing stopping people from doing so is respect for the other person and a feeling of duty, as someone in a relationship, to not fuck over the person you love.
I’d imagine, had the world come together differently, this might not be an issue. There would be no stigma of coupling up and it would be a free for all. I’m sure cavemen put their dicks in whatever they could without considering anyone’s feelings.
So, yeah, while nature may dictate that monogamy is not natural, we do it anyway. I still can’t pinpoint if that’s cause we’re civilized or cause we’re fucking idiots.
After reading a number of Ask Dr. Tonys, I’m getting the concept that you know what your talking about when it comes to dating (or at least have enough experience with it to have a few tips). Could you give your top 3 DO’s and DON’Ts of dating?
The most comical thing about this is the concept of me knowing anything about “dating”. I’ve been on maybe 4 proper dates in my life. Every one of them was already pretty much a guaranteed success before it even began (I was never a gambling man when it come to those types of things). Meaning, I wasn’t going out on dates with strangers and feeling them out awkwardly with hopes of a good night kiss down the line. No, my dates were girls I knew were down so the risk/reward ratio was greatly in my favor.
So, yeah, dating tips…I dunno. I feel as if dating tips can also just be general life tips for co-existing and conversing with other people.
So, some do’s for dating?
1)Listen to the other person
2)It’s a date , not a job interview. No one needs to hear your fucking resume
1)Don’t talk about yourself the whole time
2)Don’t get creepy
3)Don’t murder that person
Nah, but seriously, there are so many things to do and not do on dates, a list of three things is pretty arbitrary. It’s funny cause I’ll hear stories from girls I know about dates they have where I can’t believe the man would act that way with a girl. Stories of extremely premature groping, a dude walking out mid-dinner on a date that was seemingly going fine, and dick exposing at the dinner table.
At the same time, I’ve heard stories from dudes where the girl bought another dude with her to a date or where the girl got drunk as quick as possible and ended up vomiting before the dinner arrived (This is actually not uncommon. Ladies be drinking when they’re nervous).
In both cases, it just goes to show you how completely clueless people can be about basic human interaction.
Dating is both exciting and stressful. My best advice would be to try to alleviate that stress as much as possible. Play it cool. Be casual. Treating a date like an interview can only get you so far. Just go about it like you’re casually hanging out with a friend but with a slightly flirty edge. You can keep the mood light and see where it takes you.
My dates always went one of two ways. The way I described above or they’d start mellow but spin into a crazy conversation where the girl is eventually giving me detailed reenactments of how her uncle smoked crack once and tried to touch her inappropriately. The latter way being pretty intense really quickly but, not for nothing, it definitely would pan out physically later.
So, you know, be yourself and shit.