“After Capture” is coming.

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If you’ve be paying attention this past year and a half, you might have noticed that Illogic and I have had a prolific 18 months. We dropped two free ep’s, a full length called “Capture the sun” on Man Bites dog records and , to close it all out, we bring you “After Capture”. It’s the final installment of our collaboration (for now) in the form of an EP.
It drops early december. Until then, here’s a preview of the song “Chiseled Masterpiece”.

Also, go here for pre-orders:

http://illogic.bandcamp.com/album/after-capture

If you missed the other releases,
http://illogic.bandcamp.com/album/preparing-for-capture
http://illogic.bandcamp.com/album/preparing-for-capture-2
http://manbitesdogrecs.bandcamp.com/album/illogic-blockhead-capture-the-sun
Aiiight!

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 30


I haven’t done one of these is a loooooooooong time. Why? Cause apparently no one wants my advice/insight. Fair enough. I don’t blame you. After all, I’m as qualified to give life advice to strangers as I am to perform heart surgery. Still, I contend that I’ll at least shoot straighter than your bummy homeboy/girl who has their own agenda. So, if you’d like some of my bullshit wisdom bestowed upon you, please, send me questions…I can give advice on all things (Or I can try, at least). Not just matters of the heart. Send them my way. Leave them in the comments below or email them to me at @phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Everything is anonymous.
As for this installment, the questions are all over the place but, hey, I take what I get. Help me help you.

I think if men were completely honest most of them would admit that they really don’t care if their girlfriends/wives fake their orgasms. Do you think that’s true? Also, logic tells me that if women enjoyed sex as much as men do their appetite for it would be equal, and yet most people agree that it isn’t. In general men seem to need and want sex more than women do. How would you explain this?

I disagree deeply with your synopsis. The way I see it, there are two types of men. Men who care if they get their “lover” (I loath that word) off and men who don’t. For the ones who do care, we genuinely want the person we’re having sex with to have an orgasm. If a girl fakes it and we knew, it would probably piss us off. Not at the girl but at ourselves cause it would be like we couldn’t get the job done. Granted, situations vary and things happen within sexual encounters all the time that make a females orgasm an unattainable feat…but , in general, I like to think that , for the men who actually care, they want the real thing. The downside of this is , sometimes, it’s just not gonna happen for the girl and this leads to a dude boning a girl for way too long. He’s hitting it for an hour hoping to get her there but she checked out 45 minutes ago and is very likely sore. But, hey, at least his heart is in the right place. Dudes that genuinely don’t give a shit about the pleasure of the person they’re having sex with befuddle me. Those guys are basically jerking off with another humans body. Those guys surely don’t give a fuck if a girl fakes it or not cause, really, they don’t give a fuck about her on any level to begin with.

As for sexual appetite, I think there are many layers to that. I think, off the bat, men are hornier. We can look at a girl on the street and immediately want to put our penis inside her, no questions asked. Women are a little more picky in that sense. Now, that could be from decades of slut shaming or just a part of their DNA. I have no fucking idea. But, whatever it is, they tend to be more careful with who they swap fluids. While you or me might be willing to go raw dogs with a complete stranger based entirely on the fact they have nice tits, I’m pretty sure a complete stranger having rock hard abs would , at the very least, warrant a condom usage for most women. That just speaks on the carnal desires men have based entirely on visuals. The woman could be a nazi sympathizer with a voice like Fran dresher and most guys would probably still hit it if it was available.
However, once a more consistent flow of sex is happening, I think a woman’s appetite far exceeds most mens. Once they’re getting it, they want it all the time. Where as, once a dude falls into a comfort cycle of sex, it’s no longer an urgent for us. We don’t need it 5 times a day. Hell, a lot of dudes in relationships cringe at the thought of that and would probably be cool with a couple of times a week tops.
Basically, what I’m saying is that the whole scale of desire for sex between the different sexes is constantly shifting depending on the situation and the people. Men and women have a similar want for sex, they often just desire it in different ways and under different circumstances.

Hey Block, Roommate took me out to introduce me to his girls roommate seeing as she was having dude trouble. Some how the dating spectrum came up and we were all discussing the differences between seeing someone, dating, relationships and marriage. All confusing labels people put on shit. Me, being the casanova guy I am, decide to quote you from “Cook it up” and say “Well no ring on the finger no strings attached”. Immediately I was defending myself and eating my words but being the naive person I am, I still believe that shit I bumped back in high school and you saying No ring on the finger, no Strings attached….How true is this? Am I rightfully an asshole?

I think you took a song that wasn’t supposed to be serious as gospel. That song is a tongue in cheek , made up story of how Aesop was terrible at bagging girls. The lyrics I sang on there were meant to be completely ignorant and off base. So, you know, you might not wanna follow those words as life lessons.
That said, TECHNICALLY, until the ring is on the finger, I suppose you could pull that line. However, it’s completely overlooking the concept of a monogamous relationship between two people who aren’t married. So, it sorta ends right there unless you’re a scumbag.
I will say that there is a definitive line with exclusivity within relationships and , until that topic is discussed and agreed upon between the two people, there truly aren’t strings attached. You could be in love with someone but if you haven’t had the “Let’s not see other people/let’s be a couple” convo, you’re free to put your genitals where ever you so desire.

Do you think monogamy is natural or something society made? Does it come second nature to you or do you wish you could sleep with chicks but decided not to in respect for your relationship?

I do think monogamy is some made up shit. I think the idea of pairing up forever is definitely something that is not natural to anyone but penguins. For me, I don’t have trouble being monogamous but it’s definitely not how my brain is wired. Being in a relationship, I have to actively shut down my natural urges out of love and respect for my girl. I assume that’s how everyone is but , then again, every now and then you’ll meet a motherfucker on some “I don’t even notice other women…” story. Gotta say, I don’t buy that shit for a second but enough people spew it that, perhaps, there might be some validity to it. But, personally, I’m not like that. The desire to want to fuck other people never goes away. In love, out of love, depressed…whatever. All you can do, if you have chosen to be with someone is , is deal with it.
And this isn’t one-sided. I’m sure my girl wants to fuck tons of people too. I guess the only thing stopping people from doing so is respect for the other person and a feeling of duty, as someone in a relationship, to not fuck over the person you love.
I’d imagine, had the world come together differently, this might not be an issue. There would be no stigma of coupling up and it would be a free for all. I’m sure cavemen put their dicks in whatever they could without considering anyone’s feelings.
So, yeah, while nature may dictate that monogamy is not natural, we do it anyway. I still can’t pinpoint if that’s cause we’re civilized or cause we’re fucking idiots.

After reading a number of Ask Dr. Tonys, I’m getting the concept that you know what your talking about when it comes to dating (or at least have enough experience with it to have a few tips). Could you give your top 3 DO’s and DON’Ts of dating?

The most comical thing about this is the concept of me knowing anything about “dating”. I’ve been on maybe 4 proper dates in my life. Every one of them was already pretty much a guaranteed success before it even began (I was never a gambling man when it come to those types of things). Meaning, I wasn’t going out on dates with strangers and feeling them out awkwardly with hopes of a good night kiss down the line. No, my dates were girls I knew were down so the risk/reward ratio was greatly in my favor.
So, yeah, dating tips…I dunno. I feel as if dating tips can also just be general life tips for co-existing and conversing with other people.
So, some do’s for dating?
1)Listen to the other person
2)It’s a date , not a job interview. No one needs to hear your fucking resume
3)Get drunk

Don’ts?
1)Don’t talk about yourself the whole time
2)Don’t get creepy
3)Don’t murder that person

Nah, but seriously, there are so many things to do and not do on dates, a list of three things is pretty arbitrary. It’s funny cause I’ll hear stories from girls I know about dates they have where I can’t believe the man would act that way with a girl. Stories of extremely premature groping, a dude walking out mid-dinner on a date that was seemingly going fine, and dick exposing at the dinner table.
At the same time, I’ve heard stories from dudes where the girl bought another dude with her to a date or where the girl got drunk as quick as possible and ended up vomiting before the dinner arrived (This is actually not uncommon. Ladies be drinking when they’re nervous).
In both cases, it just goes to show you how completely clueless people can be about basic human interaction.

Dating is both exciting and stressful. My best advice would be to try to alleviate that stress as much as possible. Play it cool. Be casual. Treating a date like an interview can only get you so far. Just go about it like you’re casually hanging out with a friend but with a slightly flirty edge. You can keep the mood light and see where it takes you.

My dates always went one of two ways. The way I described above or they’d start mellow but spin into a crazy conversation where the girl is eventually giving me detailed reenactments of how her uncle smoked crack once and tried to touch her inappropriately. The latter way being pretty intense really quickly but, not for nothing, it definitely would pan out physically later.
So, you know, be yourself and shit.

The “church” of “meh”

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Being one of the last people alive with an active Yahoo.com email account has its privileges. Aside from giving a good chuckle to anyone I tell my email address to, I also get to see the daily headlines through the eyes of the people at Yahoo. These range from gossip about justin Beiber, to actual political news with a slightly right wing slant to things like this that popped up in my feed yesterday:
http://news.yahoo.com/atheist-mega-churches-root-across-us-world-214619648.html
Now, if you’re a longtime reader, you might be aware that I’m not a religious man. In fact, I’m as far from one as can be. I’m not even one that buys into spirituality on most levels. I don’t have some grand theory that explains why we exist or the meaning of life, I more just live knowing that shit happens and we eventually die, but we should be civil to one another while we’re here. The term “atheist” is one I’ve used to describe myself in the past. Simply based on that I don’t believe in any gods. It’s not deeper than that. But I feel as though “Agnostic” might fit me better as I fully concede I have no idea how or why we are here (even though I’m skeptical there is a real “reason”, in general). Still, I’m always gonna lean on scientific facts over those that were written by people thousands of years ago. People, I might add, who didn’t really know shit about anything. It’s not their fault as those were the times they lived in but I’m pretty sure you gave one of them a rubik’s cube and their heads would explode marveling over the sheer engineering prowess of it.
But I digress…Atheist churches…Why?
To me , the most important part of not believing in a god is that it’s been decided. You acknowledge this about yourself and move on. It’s a non-issue. The only time it comes up is when I’m watching TV and some religious lunatic is talking nonsense and I roll my eyes. The idea of organizing a religion based on not being religious kinda defeats the purpose, no? In fact, it’s the dumbest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of. Why on earth would you even bring that into your life? Is it to show up the religious folk? Is it the church of irony? That sounds like some Williamsburg shit where a bunch of hipsters all dress in white on a sunday and drink beers while reading science text books to each other. The whole idea of not being a part of organized religion is half the belief that you don’t believe and , for me at least, half not having to do all that made up traditional bullshit that being an active part of a religion entails.

Listen, I get it on some level. The idea of banding together to push the agenda makes sense. We want to live in a world where nothing we do, as non-believers, is dictated by religious values. I too watch TV and get frustrated when I see politicians acting as if the bible should be considered when deciding public policies. Yes, it’s insane and has no place there. So, creating an atheism force does make sense on some level. After all, they are the minority and should have just as loud a voice as the religious folks. But how about we do that without just making atheism into it’s own religion?

Personally, I feel indifference is my “church”. or “meh”, as I like to call it. Not to life in general (though, every girl I’ve ever dated might argue that point) but to any sort of belief system. I simply don’t give a shit. You wanna believe what you believe? Go for it. I’m not here to stop you. What you think has no bearing on what I think. We can still be friends. I don’t hate people who believe in a higher power. It’s really only an issue when those people start pushing their agenda on me and everyone else around them. Then it’s an issue. So, by this logic, the second atheists start crusading against those who think differently than them, they become no better than the people they’re rallying against. To not believe should also mean to simply not care. I don’t know about you but , when I truly don’t care about something, I don’t spend a lot of time complaining about it or even thinking about it. Cause , like I said, I don’t care. At most, I’ll make a dumb twitter joke about it and call it a day. I don’t like watching college football but what kind of bored asshole would I be if i dedicated my life to spreading the “Stop watching college football!” gospel to people all over the country? Instead, I just pretend it doesn’t exist and keep it moving. It comes on TV, i change the channel. It’s not that difficult.
At the “Church” of “meh”, there is no agenda. The “church” of “meh” is basically just a state of mind. It’s not as defeatist as it sounds. It’s more just an attitude towards organized religion. It’s motto would be something like “You do you, I’mma do me”. I’m not trying to start a church to fight the idea of churches. I’m not trying to congregate with other like minded people to talk about how little we all believe in god. Fuck all that noise. If you need other people to agree with you to feel good about your beliefs you might as well join a religion anyway. There is nothing to be gained by discussing absolutes. Being a non-believer is more like a switch in your brain. I remember when my switch flicked. I was 18 and in college. I had never given religion a deep thought but, at the same time, never questioned it either. I think I was sitting in my dorm room writing a paper and then a thought just passed in my mind “Wait a minute…there’s a god in the sky that controls everything? That doesn’t sound right…” and that was that. More thought was given and ideas snowballed from there but that initial thought was all it took to shut it down for me. THAT was it. The “church” of “meh” was born.
Once that was solidified, I was good. There was no need to expand on it or go to a ironic church-like gahtering to shake hands with people who agreed with me and hear “sermons” on non-belief while we smugly blow each other.
So, yeah, if you’re really bout that atheist life, don’t go in on this bullshit. Just think what you think and carry on living cause anyone who really feels that way should only need that peace of mind and nothing else. Perhaps, you just need a hug?
jesus_hug

Tim and I discuss music and stuff vol. 51

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This week, Tim aka Alaska and I discuss new/old videos by Roc Marciano, Hello Phones and a clip from Mr. Show that every rap fan should witness.
Tim doesn’t like Roc and I don’t care about Hello Phones…but other than that, it seems we’ve reached a nirvana like agreement on all other things. I bet you didn’t know but this column is written every week in a steam room while we sit cross legged across the room from one another, wearing only hand towels. That might explain some things…
http://www.syffal.com/roc-marciano-hello-phones

Answers for questions vol. 161

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What up, duke. Time for another installment of “answers for questions”.
You sent them, I answered them. It’s a simple process. In fact, a process you should take part in! Send me questions, the stranger the better…or if you need advice on anything…send me that too.
Either leave them in the comments below or email them to me at:
Phatfriendblog@gmail.com
It’s all anonymous so don’t hold back. It’ll be our little secret.
Anyway, here’s this weeks batch.

In the hypothetical scenario that you’re single, would you date a woman if you knew she had a past of some kind of psychiatric issues? She’s got in under control now. Also, rate these issues from easiest to deal with to deal breaker: Depression, Bi-polar disorder, OCD, Binge eater, Anorexic, drug addict, used to be a man.

We’ve all got our issues and problems but I’d be careful about dating someone with any serious former psychiatric issues. Mostly cause I know that shit would be a huge issue for me down the line. I’m a man who tries to work through life using logic and level headedness. Certain mental maladies make that lifestyle impossible. Try telling a depressed person to cheer up. Try telling a bi-polar person to calm down. It simply doesn’t work like that. So, ideally, I’d rather not date someone with any of these issues. At least not someone who has them in a major way. After all, I think we all have shades of these qualities within us. I certainly have a few of my own.
As for ordering them from easiest to deal breaker:

OCD- The spectrum of this is so broad it’s hard to say but I feel like I’m a little OCD at times so I can relate. While I wouldn’t wanna date someone who needs to count all the toothpicks I dropped on the floor, I could deal with someone who is just hyper organized and bites their nails a lot.

Depression- I’ve definitely dealt with this before with girls I’ve dated and friends. In fact, maybe its just me , but the majority of ex girlfriends I’ve had have eventually shown themselves to be depressed. Maybe I just have the magic touch!
But, on the real, It’s difficult. Especially when you’re not depressed. you become a lightning rod for their depression. It’s also hard to understand what goes though the mind of a depressed person when your brain doesn’t work like that. It’s simply not relatable. It’s like me trying to understand what a girl feels like when she has her period by relating it to being tapped in the balls.
That said, in many cases, people can come out of it.

The rest are probably deal breakers for me…

drug addict- Assuming they’re clean, then sure but i’d be wary the whole time. So that would be nerve wracking. If they’re still on the drugs though…that’s a huge deal breaker. I don’t have time for that shit. I’m not a drug guy so I have no patience for dealing with coked out people or opiate addicts. I’ve hooked up with these types and I wanted to leave the room halfway into it. Not my scene.

binge eating/anorexia- I mean, these are less destructive to people around them but it would be hard to watch a person do either of these things to themselves. Also, I’m not really trying to date a super skinny girl or a fatty so that’s another issue.

Bi-polar: This is where my tendency toward logic and level headedness are an issue. Bi-polar people are just too all over the place. The highs. The lows. Much like dealing with depressed people, you become a lightening rod for them…but depending on their mood, that can be great or awful. It could mean you’re dealing with an excitable happy person or the angriest most foul mood having human on earth. That kind of inconsistency just wouldn’t work for me in a relationship.

Used to be a man- Come on, bro (not literally). That’s just a no fly zone for me. I don’t care how good the doctors work is. I’ve got no issue with people doing it, if that’s what their heart desires as as humans, we have the rights to do whatever we want with our bodies…but, in my eyes, it’s the opposite of that billy Joel song “You’re always a woman to me”. I’ll call him “her” out of politeness but, to me, you’ll always be a dude on some level.

Do you do some songwriting in Ableton and go to the studio just for final touches? or you do the whole album in the studio?
Do you mix or do any filtering or effects or EQing on your own either in Ableton or with the ASR? Or you do all mixing/effects in the studio? You do them yourself or is that what engineers do? Do you bring both the ASR-10 and the laptop to the studio? or just 1 or the other?

Gotta say, there are few things more boring to me than technical questions. I realize that may not be so to the readers out there, understandably, but for me? It’s the worst. PArtially cause I’m not a tech savvy guy. I use the same equipment I’ve used for years and barely know how to use that equipment. So when I answer these types of questions, I feel as though I’m inevitably letting the person who asked down. But, beggars can’t be choosers so I shall proceed…
Anyway, to answer the question.
I make the beats on my sampler and abelton. I pretty much get them where I want them to be, sequence and effect wise, and then go mix them in a studio. Unless it’s a remix or something else, in which case I’ll just mix it at home directly off abelton.
In general, most of the filters, effects etc I use are on abelton. Though, there are times when I’ll use Protool plug ins. But that’s really only if I’m mixing an album or a serious project with an engineer.
When I go to the studio, I only bring my laptop. I dump all the parts and sounds onto abelton before I go. I used to bring my ASR-10 to studios but it’s completely unnecessary nowadays so I save myself the trouble of carrying that 80 pound behemoth anywhere.

You’ve been lucky to have a music career for a couple decades now, do you ever reflect on old interviews? Like, do you ever think, “Man, I sounded like a pompous ass” or something along those lines, or do you think you’ve been fairly level headed throughout your entire career? For the record, I’m not saying you sounded like a pompous asshole (in all honestly, I haven’t seen/read any interviews from you further back than 5 years) but I ask 1: because I’m a writer by trade and I look back on some of my old work and can see personal growth, and 2: I recently came across an old Aesop interview from 2000, on Pinterest of all places, and thought his interview style came across different from how he talks now.

I’ve been pretty straight forward my entire career. In fact, i’d say I’ve gone out of my way to demystify the whole concept of this elusive, deep, artist. From early on, as a solo artist, I was painted by the press in that way and it didn’t sit well will me. I’m a silly and ultimately normal person who happens to make emotional music. I can’t tell you why. That’s just how it is. But , with interviews and the press, they always need an angle. So, for me, it was this dark mystery man in the shadows and I could further from that guy if I tried. I’m a snarky guy who watches TV and plays sports. I like Porn. I love music but mostly rap. More than anything though, I don’t really take much seriously. ESPECIALLY the music business cause it’s a joke. That kinda personality doesn’t translate well for journalists trying to write about the kind of music I make.
So, from the jump, I’ve been just trying to be normal me in interviews. The only thing that’s changed over the years is how you answer certain questions. You sort of learn the ropes as you go along. My interview taking technique has become more refined. Meaning, I still shoot from the hip but I’m more careful about who I shoot at. I used to sound off about anything and anybody. Probably cause I was young and just happy to have a platform to do so. Nowadays, I use this blog for that…but not interviews. To be honest, 85% of interviews you do as an artist are fluff bullshit. You’re lucky if the person interviewing you has an even basic idea of your music and background. I used to try and make each one a little interesting but , sadly, they’re not built to be that way. They’re built for stock answers that no one could possibly care about. Like “What inspires you!?!?”. That’s the dumbest question one earth to me. It’s the “tell me about the dream you had last night” of music interview questions.

Here’s another aesop question for you. Can’t imagine something like this hasn’t previously been asked but whatever, i’ll ask anyway. Obviously aes has a very cryptic lyrical style which is part of what makes him so interesting to listen to. And obviously you know him better than most of his listeners. Question is do you ever have trouble deciphering any of his rhymes? I imagine a lot of what he writes is pretty personal stuff, so are there ever any times where you have absolutely no idea what he’s referencing, or has knowing him so well made it easier for you to understand where he’s coming from on most verses?

I’m a listener just like you. There are plenty of times I have no idea what he’s talking about. The same way, as time passes, a lot of things start to make sense. I think the only difference between me and a typical Aesop fan is that I know him well enough to know that, with everything he says, there is a purpose. It may not be for you and me to understand but it’s there for a reason. Sometimes it can be a deeper meaning, other times it’s more about the wordplay and stream of consciousness. There are really no set rules to how he writes, which is another reason why his rhymes are so interesting and will have so much longevity to them.

Who would win in a fight/rap battle/ pimp off between Don Cornelius and Don Quixote?

This wins the prize for “question asked out of the most boredom”.
Who would win? I dunno, dude. Who would win in ping pong: Daffy duck or pee wee herman? The answer is your heart.

What’s the sample from and how did you feel when you heard em’s rap god? Has anyone else used it? Whosampled isn’t the best for movie/radio style soundbytes


It’s from some old comic book on record. Spiderman or superman. I forget.
As for how I felt? I felt indifferent. I know they didn’t hear my usage and rip it off. It’s just another case of people finding the same samples.
It happens. Kinda par for the course when you do what i do.

Yay or Nay: Old rappers doing good?


Download link:
http://www34.zippyshare.com/v/67634386/file.html
I’mma be honest. I signed off on both Q-tip and Busta Rhymes a looooooooong time ago. Like a decade , at least. Sure, Busta can still rap and Tip can still make beats but…I dunno…the thrill has been gone for me for a while and I assumed it had left the building for good.
Well, then they go and drop this song. It’s fun. Busta sounds good. Tip sounds good. The beat is a throw back in a good way. what the fuck is going on here. This isn’t supposed to happen. Or is it? Perhaps, like so many other talented artists who have tried to stay relevant, these dudes had this in them the entire past decade but were opting to make music to appeal to a different generation. It’s totally possible. Whatever the case, the fact they could make an enjoyable song together in 2013 is pretty impressive to me. I assumed they peaked when they made this back in the 90’s:

Am i wrong? What do you think of this song?

Demo reviews Vol. 35

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It’s time once again for some demo reviews…and guess what else? It’s also time for me to open the flood gates for submissions. That’s right. You guys are always asking when you can submit…well, now is the time. BUT FIRST. You must read these rules. It is crucial to the submission process and will pretty much be a deciding factor as to if you get reviewed or not. So READ THIS PART IF YOU PLAN ON SUBMITTING MUSIC:

1)The header on the email must say “Demo review”
2)If you’ve already submitted, DO NOT submit again. You had your fun now it’s other people’s turn.
3)Send me ONE SONG. Pick your song that is your favorite or the one that best exemplifies your music and shoot it over here. I’m not going to listen to your whole ep.
4)This time around, I’ll only be accepting songs that can be heard via a link. So, no loose mp3′s or myspace pages. I want soundcloud, bandcamp or you can even upload it to an upload site (like divshare.com, hulkshare ect…) that allows the songs to stream. Basically, the streaming part is crucial. If this is something you cannot do, you probably shouldn’t be sending me music in the first place.
5)Demo MUST contain original production. I don’t want mixtapes of you rapping over other peoples tracks. I want actual songs. I also would ask that you budding producers don’t just send me some random beat you made. I want a finished product. If your shit is called “Untitled beat” I will throw it right in the trash.
6)Don’t send me unfinished beats. If you made a loop with drums, I don’t wanna hear it. This is for finished songs only.
7)It should be noted that I’m a rap guy. I review that best and most confidently. I don’t listen to much electronic music so sending me trap songs and dub step songs will be a waste of your time. I’m not saying you can’t, just be prepared for me to not like them if you do. I just want you to know what you’re getting into.

Okay, so, now that you got that…send them to me at: Phatfriendblog@gmail.com
I review them as i get them so if you send one in and I don’t review it a few weeks down the line, that just means you’re still in the queue. You don’t need me to email me every week asking when. In fact, please don’t do that. This really isn’t that serious or important for anyone.

Okay, so here’s this weeks bunch. You know how this works. I listen, do a brief write up and then arbitrarily give them rating of 1-10 in these categories:
Production
Vocals
Listenability
originality

This is a rap heavy week, so I was happy.
Let’s proceed…

Artist: Political animals
Song:Sensory deception


Hmm…I’m not a huge political rap fan. I only like it when it’s done with the right amount of anger and completely lacking in any hippie-ism. Basically, I like my political rap with a hint of violence.
Meaning I don’t wanna hear about fast food being poison. I know that already. I also don’t really wanna hear conspiracy theories. But that’s just me. So this doesn’t really work for me. The rapper is certainly passionate but I also get the feeling he thinks he sounds deeper than he really is and he yells too much. Also, some of the word play is just falling short to me in the cleverness department. Political thugs talking about hot dogs…I just dunno.
The beat is just kinda there. Not bad or good. Fits the vibe of the song though, so it works on that level for sure.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: R.O.B.
Song: Turn around


This beat has a 80’s R&B vibe to it. Like it was made by the timex social club.

At first I was kinda like “meh” about it but it grew on me.
The rapper is solid for sure. Kinda has a voice like Tyler the Creator if he wasn’t a growling asshole. I’d say my biggest complaint is that, while the song is definitely good, there’s not much separating the rapper or beat from tons of other stuff. Still, decent tune.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:3.5 out of 10

Artist:Stillborn identity
Song:Walk a mile in my spurs


This guy has one of those weird affected accents that is hard for me to tell if he’s not from the US or if he just talks like that. Regardless, it doesn’t sound natural at all. It’s kinda marble-mouthed.
That aside, the rapping is struggling a little bit, flow wise. The beat has some pretty cool elements. I dunno if it has stand alone qualities but, with the right rapper, it could make for a good song. This rapper ain’t that though.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:3.5 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: One M1nd
song:No shoes


The white voice is strong with this one. I’m pretty sure that rappers like this aren’t really concerned with the concept of presence on the mike…but I am and this is lacking it 100%. Also, when you take that voice and throw in slang terms, it just sounds wrong. A voice like that should be reading a biology text book to a beat (just kidding, no one should ever do that), not talking about his “crib” or “haters”.
It has a definite “guy recording in his bedroom” vibe to it. The beat is a nice loop and some drums. Definitely nothing wrong with it outside of being minimal and having no changes.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:3 out of 10
Listenability:3.5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist:NOWON
song: Evil Ego’s pt. 1


This beat is pretty interesting. I don’t know if I like it or not but points for originality. The rapper sounds kinda like johnny Depp in “fear and loathing in las vegas” which is actually sorta cool. He’s got elements that are really good but still needs some work. Definitely promising all around but not quite there yet.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:6 out of 10

Artist: Slack Happenings
Song: Sleeping Pills


Well, so much for a week of all rap songs. I got excited for a second there.
This is a chaotic little piece of music. I get where he’s going with the sleep theme as I can relate. Some good sample layering and it certainly evolves as it goes. It feels more like an MF doom skit than a song though. Also, it’s not so much enjoyable to listen to as it is simply well executed. If he can find the middle ground between those two things, it’s all uphill from here.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:N/a
Listenability:3.5 out of 10
Originality:5 out of 10

Artist: prime cut
Song: Good night moon


This is pretty dope, smoked out shit. Definitely heavily influenced but the L.A. beat scene. The only down side is that it’s basically two parts and I dunno if that constitutes a “song” as much as it does a “beat”. But , whatever, if you listen to that high in the background, I’m pretty sure no ones complaining.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:N/a
Listenability:6 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Princess Cake
Song: Deep Space Jam Feat. Friends of don quixote


This starts of promising but what i assumed was an intro was actually the whole song. It simply goes nowhere until the very end when the change happens. Unfortunately, that change isn’t hitting the right notes to me. All in all, this seems unfinished. Dropping the main sample and adding a vocal clip doesn’t really make a beat a song. I know I harp on that difference a lot but I think in order for instrumental producers to take that step they gotta realize there’s more to song making than having three parts and calling it a day. Where’s the nuance? Where’s the bridges? The peaks and valleys?
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:N/a
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:3.5 out of 10

Artist: Proseed
Song: Depths in shallows


I gotta say, I kinda hate this dudes rap name. Sounds like someone who’s “Pro-seed” like he’s all about sperm. The spelling is the issue. That said, he can rap. He’s got a cool voice and is confidant. It hits some emo-ish notes I don’t love but I’m a dick about that. The beat is okay. Well made but kinda run of the mill in it’s mood. in fact, the beat might be hitting those emo notes that are bothering me more than the rapper. Still, it’s not bad at all. Solid demo overall.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist:Soul Sista 24
Song: Day to day Feat. Jade Elise


The pic on this profile when placed next to the name “Soulsista” is some suspect shit. Anyway, the singing is kinda iffy. Not bad but not exactly the soothing listen it’s trying to be.Though that may have to do more with effect thrown on the voice than the singing itself. Cause, on a basic level, her voice is definitely good. The music has as many cool elements as it does problems. The bass sound and the 90’s rhodes sounds being my biggest gripes. It leans a little neo-soul for my taste but I’m sure Eryka BAdu would like it fine.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

So, what do you think?

Defending My Tweets Vol. 2

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There comes a time in every mans life where he must stand up and speak for what he believes in. There also comes a time when he just jokes around on the internet and humorless assholes get upset. This is about the latter.
I’m a guy who likes to joke around on the internet. Often, my jokes (funny or not) cause anger or confusion in people. This is not my intention but, hey, it’s also unavoidable. People love to be outraged nowadays. Even more, they love to pretend to give a shit about things that don’t matter. I could make a tweet slighting toaster overs and someone will have something to say about it. That’s just how this all works. So, in an effort to explain myself, I’ve ripped off an idea for the Anthony Jesilnik show. Simple stuff really. I just defend my tweets. Tell you why I said them and exactly what I meant. In most cases, this is totally unnecessary but you’d be amazed at the things people have issues with. So, please, allow me to defend myself.

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I’m a man who travels a lot. I’m in hotels all the time. I can tell you how , the cheaper the hotel, the better chance your internet is free. I can tell you that a “Continental breakfast” can mean anything from a person in a chef hat making free omelettes to warm orange juice and and stale corn muffin. Most of all, I can tell you how they design to hotel room to have as few power sources as possible. That shit will never not baffle me, as I sit on the bathroom floor charing my ipod, cellphone and laptop from the socket next to the sink.
But, one thing I’ve always noticed is the nicer hotels always have the good bathroom spread. Some have a special bar of soap just for your body and separate face soap. I don’t even have that in my own bathroom.
Now, those types of places will always have some nice skin lotion. If you’re a certain type of man, you see skin lotion and it’s prime usage is not keeping your face moisturized. No, us non-dry guys have our own moisture based agenda. Little secret: We masturbate with it.
Another little secret: Porn helps masturbation.
Yet another little secret: Having internet = watching porn.
The road is a lonely place. But, even if it wasn’t, I’d still probably masturbate. It’s a great way to pass time, guys. Also, it feels good.
So, that particular day I made that tweet, I was in a hotel with fantastic bathroom amenities. But, they were charging for internet. Strangely, some of these fancy pants hotels tend to have a $15 daily charge for the internet. I can afford that but I have my principals. One of those is to never pay for internet outside of my home. To some of you, this might not even register as an issue. But my imagination has long been burned out from years of over stimulation and , you know, a dude needs help he can only find on the internet. Basically, it’s like having water but no cup. You can drink it if you have to but a cup would be a game changer. I think , on that particular day, I went thirsty. Damn you fancy hotels and your costly masturbation taxes.

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As you get older, your facebook feed gets lamer and lamer. More cats, more food and, most of all, more babies. I think babies are cute and , if I’m actually friends with a person, I don’t mind seeing their pics. However, on Facebook, all your friends aren’t really your “Friends”. Some are acquaintances. Others are friends of friends. And some are girls you and few of your friends used to have drunken sex with who, at some point in life, would have blown a homeless man for a speck of cocaine. I don’t know what it is about these girls but, even when they seem to have their life together, they can’t seem to ever fully get it right.
To see these ladies get older, get married and have kids is a strange phenomenon that really never existed before social networks. While my first reaction to seeing this person , who I once knew at her lowest moment in life, now holding a new born baby is “Noooooooooo!” , it’s safe to say that, for the most part, a lot of these girls have left that shit behind them and are in a much better place. But, still, some things never die. Many of those “things” are put on display when they post pics of themselves giving ducklips in their bathroom mirror ,mid-twerk, wearing a bra and panties. As a stand alone thing, this is fine. It’s incredibly vein and corny, but fine in the sense it’s not hurting anyone. But you post those kinda pics and then follow them up with pics of your 2 year old kids looking adorable in their halloween costume…you’re simply sending mixed messages. I’m not saying mothers need to all cut their hair short and become asexual beings the second the baby pops out but there should be something that clicks in ones head that says “Hey, maybe take it easy on the erotic selfies for a bit.” There’s a difference between reclaiming your sexual prowess post baby and acting like a stupid teenaged whore (especially when you’re in your 30’s). It’s pretty much something a girl on that MTV show “Teen moms” would do. And if there was ever a code I’d implore ladies to live by it would be “Whatever you think a Teen Mom would do, do the opposite of that”.

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“Oh, the dicks you will see” would be the title of that book.
Holy shit. I’m new to the whole gym culture thing. I pretty much only go to play basketball so my time in the locker room is brief. But never before have I been assaulted by some many flopping cocks in my life (Which is a good thing, I suppose). You walk in the gym and it’s just sea of elderly men not giving a fuck. I’ve changed in a locker room before. I always assumed the rule of thumb was to be quick and non-intrusive about it. Meaning, if you’re fresh out the shower, dry yourself off quickly and put some fucking pants on. On this particular day, I saw a man disrespect the rules on a level I had never seen before. This guy came out the shower, towel wrapped around his waist. Good start, cause lots of these dudes just slow roll around the locker room totally naked. I wasn’t really watching closely cause, well, that’s both rude and not something I need to see. However, the next time I glanced over, this guy had a T-shirt on, but was totally bottomless, and was standing there talking to some dude, dick hanging, with his leg propped up on a stool. It was as if he was in the worst Captain Morgans commercial of all time. Who puts the shirt on first????!?!? Why!??!!?!?!? The dude he was talking to was noticeably uncomfortable but it didn’t phase lil’ half naked at all. Just a complete disregard for all the rules of engagement on so many levels. Rule #1 in the locker room should be: Put your cock away in a timely manor
What are we? cavemen?

Tim and I discuss music and stuff Vol. 50

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This week, Tim AKA Alaska and I discuss the music of The Beatnuts, Dum dum girls and an truly unfortunate song by DMX and Rakim.
We’ve now done 50 of these fucking things and this week might be the closest we’ve ever come to agreeing on all the songs. Which really just lets us all know that it’s never too late to fall in love.
http://www.syffal.com/rakim-dmx-dum-dum-girls

Answers for questions vol. 160

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Hey guys,
Back once again with more answers for your questions. I glanced at my question pile and it’s getting a little lower than I’d like it to be. So, please, send me questions! Anything! get silly with it. Also, if you need advice on anything what-so-ever, send those questions as well. I’ll use them in my “Ask Dr. Tony” column.
If you got questions you can either email them to me: phatfriendblog@gmail.com OR leave them in the comments below. Everything is anonymous so don’t worry about it…it’s between you, me and the readers who have no idea who you are.
Okay, lets do this weeks batch…

Yo, been reading the blog for a while now. These past as and qs some one asked you about regret. How being such a pussy didnt get you laid, i have to ask, what changed? How did you go from a insecure guy to a confident one?

All that talk has much more to do with just getting older and seeing how things work than an actual switch over from being insecure to confidant.
When I was younger (teens-early 20’s) I had dudes around me who just “got it” at an early age. They were wired to know how to bag girls. Seeing them operate not only confused me but definitely made me insecure about how I go about things. They were kinda brash assholes while I was just genuinely nice. I wasn’t shy really, just I came from a very friend like angle. That led to me getting in a lot of situations where I’d like a girl and , by the time she realized, she was on to the next one. LOTS of missed opportunities.
I think, for a lot of guys, when you’re young you go one of two ways. You either got that laser focused game and are all about the hunt (which is really more like older dudes) or you’re too nice and scared of the hunt. Also, the second type has a vision for how things are supposed to go. I definitely got crushes easy back then (more so in my teens than my early 20’s). The funny thing about that is , if I tell that to a girl they’ll be like “that’s so sweet!” but you know what wasn’t sweet? When a girl I’d have this Disney ass crush on would end up fucking a scum bag friend of mine in the bathroom at a house party. The phrase, “You snooze you lose” is real.
Anyway, as I got older, I just sort of figured out the game better. I don’t mean “THe game” like that book about pick up artists, I mean how men and women communicate. I don’t mean that i started becoming a lying scum bag to get girls though. I more just found my lane and what worked for me. I guess you could say my confidence raised a bit but I tend to think it was more my awareness of other people than anything.Like most things in life, find what works for you and run with it.

Who are your favorite producers/rappers? Guys who kill both. This question was supposed to be what do you think El does better but yeah.

Well, El is a clear answer, obviously.

Aesop has certainly earned that title as well.

Quelle Chris does both very well.

Jay Electronica used to make his own beats and, even though he wasn’t really a great technical producer, he made really good songs.

MF Doom might be one of the greatest of all time on both level.
Old school guys like Diamond D, Large Professor and Lord FInesse did both extremely well.

.I was at your show at Paperbox last night (dope stuff), and I noticed that you were on line for the bathroom a few people ahead of me at one point in the night. The line was rather long and at times moving pretty fucking slow. Do you think there is a recommended time restraint surrounding public bathroom use? Like i understand if you’re taking longer because you’re dropping a massive shit, but what are really the chances THREE people are dropping massive shits in separate bathrooms at the same time? And obviously there’s a point where you move from “oh they’re crapping” or “hm this is taking a bit” to “holy fuck did they piss all over themselves” or “are they doing lines off the seat/are they dead?” Are some people just oblivious when it comes to this stuff?

As someone who gets in and out as quick as possible and who possesses very little patience for waiting, this shit is the bane of my existence. Few things will make steam rise from my ears like being on a long ass bathroom line at a bar and seeing three 22 year old girls stumble out after being locked in there for 20 minutes. Unacceptable.
I look at that behavior the same way I do as people who are always late. Motherfuckers are self involved, selfish and have no fucks to give what other people think. I honestly think the people who hole up on public bathrooms don’t even realize how rude they are. They simply aren’t thinking about anyone but themselves. Now, if it is an emergency shit. I get it. It’s awful to have crazy diarrhea in public. But, other than that? There’s no excuse.
Even worse is when they finally do come out to a mile long line of unhappy faces, they have an attitude. If you’re coming out of the bathroom with a few friends after blowing lines for 20 minutes, you better be pretty fucking apologetic to everyone you made wait. Hell, you should probably each pick a dude out of the line to fellate to let everyone know how truly sorry you are.

Question:
longevity. For years I’ve argued that of the 90′s golden era bands, OUTKAST is the hands down most consistently prolific hip hop group ever. I base this the number of records VS smash singles VS consistent end to end vision on each album and overall tend setting impact.
Let’s not discount the runners up, THE ROOTS. It’s also clutch not forget THE WU TANG as well.
Pretty though call but that’s me.
How would you weigh in?
1st, 2nd, 3rd

Outkast is a good pick for sure. To be honest, I’ve never been a big Roots fan. They’re obviously good at what they do but it hasn’t really appealed to be since their first album. that said, their, longevity is undenialble. I’d say MF doom might be one of them as he’s been around since the early 90’s , as part of KMD, and he come out os Doom , like he was a whole new person. That’s a rare occurrence.


Even though he hasn’t made much great music lately, Kool Kieth deserves a nod as well. He’s been making shit since the 80’s and people still check for him on some level.


Ghostface has been solid, if not steadily improved over the years. Masta Ace had a great run of quality albums. Dr. Dre has never put out a half assed product. Even though he’s been sitting on “Detox” for like 12 years.

Hey block, you seem to wear a lot of hats just wondering what brands you rock

I’m not really a brand guy. I have tons of New Era hats but, lately, the hats I’ve been wearing are off the grid ones made in small runs. I’ve been rocking this hat some dude gave me in Russia that shouts out some random St. Petersburg crew. I just like the hat. Another one I wear is a promotional hat for a movie my friend made called “Severed ways”. Basically, I’m going obscure with my hat choices.

Hi!
If a major company contacts you one day to produce one song or an album for a very famous but very untalented singer/rapper (I don’t want to name an example, let’s just say people who have 20 millions youtube views in a few weeks), what would you do? Of course, the contract would include big money and perhaps big fame… (Maybe it has already happened, I may not know all your activities…)

ps: I am French so, sorry for my english…

This kind of question has popped up a bunch of times over the years. People are obsessed with the idea of “selling out” and , really, can’t wait to jump the gun on throwing that title at any artist who tried to make some money. I get that mindset, as I was once just a dude listening to music too. I had beloved artists who I felt went down the wrong creative path and I hated it. That said, when this is how you make a living, things change. Suddenly, the fact that no one buy records any more and the only way to make money doing music is touring and getting songs in ads and movies, starts to change the game a little.
So, to answer your questions, I would probably do it under the right circumstances. Those being I get to do what I do. If they’re hiring me to make a pop record, that’s on them…but I don’t make pop music so really, that’s just poor choices on their part. But if I got hired to work with, say, Miley Cyrus and she simply wanted to sing over my beats, as is? Sure, I’d do it. Why the fuck not? It’s still my beat(s) and making that kinda money could set me up to do my own stuff on an even crazier level.
I think “selling out” only becomes an issue when you change to adhere to what others want. To me, selling out isn’t simply working with this person or that person, it’s changing your entire musical approach and ideals to fit into something else.

If you could just go poof with a magic wand and all of sudden know another language fluently, which one would it be?

If I had a magic wand, I’d hopefully pick something better than langauge fluency but I’ll play along…
I’d probably pick spanish or Japanese. Spanish cause it’s something I tried to learn back in high school but was too dumb to figure out. I failed Spanish two 3 times. You know how many times I watched “El Norte”? Three fucking times.

I’m just terrible at learning in general but languages were always extremely hard for me. I was good at the pronunciations and the accents but my memorization skills are abysmal.
Japanese would be fun to know cause I kinda wanna go to Japan and the one thing holding me back is me not understanding what the fuck is going on over there. I felt that way in Russia too. The second the letters start changing into symbols I’ve never seen before, that’s when I get nervous. SO, knowing Japanese would be awesome. Also, obviously, I’d use it to pick up Japanese girls too. Just kidding about that but I legit know a dude who learned japanese specifically to land him a japanese girl. What a piece of shit.