Phat Friend year in review 2013

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Wow, what a year it’s been? Remember that thing that happened? oh, and that other thing where that guy did stuff and people were all like “oohhhhhh!”. unforgettable. We will never be the same. Well, like every other blog on earth, it’s time for me to round this year up. Unlike those other blogs though, I’m not here to give you my top five albums and singles and blah blah blah cause , honestly, those lists read more like “The ten albums I heard enough of this year to have an opinion on”. If you read this blog with regularity, you probably know what I liked this year so it would be repetitive. Also, artist made music lists are the worst cause most of spend half the list putting albums our friends made that we barely even listened to. So forget all that. This is about this blog and the stuff that was on it this year. A huge “In case you missed it…”.
So, wasting no time, let’s get it covered.

Most read articles
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This is a funny category cause it’s fueled by peoples creepy google habits. A few of these are here on their own merit but, let’s be honest, a few others are here cause people are looking for porn. To be clear, these are the columns I wrote this year that got the most hits.

Emily Ratajkowski will ruin my life
https://phatfriend.com/2013/04/03/emily-ratajkowski-will-ruin-my-life/

I hooked up with riff raff part 1 (of three)
https://phatfriend.com/2013/06/12/i-hooked-up-with-riff-raff-part-1/

Hey guys, let’s not make Yung Lean a thing, okay?
https://phatfriend.com/2013/07/24/hey-guys-lets-not-make-yung-lean-a-thing-okay/

Porn star Questionnaire w/ Angel Del Ray
https://phatfriend.com/2013/10/23/the-porn-star-questionnaire-angel-del-ray/

Talking about my cancelled shows in europe and passport problems
https://phatfriend.com/2013/12/05/shitty-news-my-shows-in-munich-and-kiev-are-cancelled-heres-why/

So, yeah…those got read A LOT this year. For better or worse. However, I have my own personal favorite things I wrote this year so here are my personal top 5 posts of the year. If you like reading hastily written rants/stories with questionable spelling and grammar, today is your lucky day. This blog is a great time waster and posts like these are the heart and soul of the operation.

My personal Top 5 Posts
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You and your kids

https://phatfriend.com/2013/01/10/you-and-your-kids/

My neighbor: Livin’ la vida loca
https://phatfriend.com/2013/05/15/my-neighbor-livin-la-vida-loca/

How to be an asshole online
https://phatfriend.com/2013/06/05/how-to-be-an-asshole-online/

The best/worst idea of all time
https://phatfriend.com/2013/09/19/the-bestworst-idea-of-all-time/

50 shades of shame
https://phatfriend.com/2013/09/04/50-shades-of-shame/

Free mixes!
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I don’t do it as often as I used to but, every now and then, I’ll throw together a little compilation of music I love and give it away. Here are all of those I did this year. Free music! Download them again…for the first time!

My old 12’s Vol. 1
https://phatfriend.com/2013/12/12/my-old-hip-hop-12s-in-the-form-of-a-compilation-part-1/

My old 12’s Vol. 2

https://phatfriend.com/2013/12/24/my-old-hip-hop-12s-in-the-form-of-a-compilation-vol-2/

A mix for the youth
https://phatfriend.com/2013/10/16/a-mix-for-the-youth/

Tony Bones: A look back at someone you’ve probably never heard of
https://phatfriend.com/2013/01/09/tony-bones-a-look-back-at-someone-you-probably-never-heard-of/

The weekly columns
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Listen, I gotta create content somehow. One of the ways I do that is by having columns that come back every week or two. Some more than others. Here are those columns with the most hits from this year.

Answers for Questions
https://phatfriend.com/2013/08/26/answers-for-questions-vol-150/

Fuck marry kill
https://phatfriend.com/2013/02/21/fuckmarrykill-vol-19/

Ask Dr. Tony
https://phatfriend.com/2013/05/01/ask-dr-tony-vol-26/

Yay or nay
https://phatfriend.com/2013/10/03/yay-or-nay-this-pusha-t-song-that-sounds-like-mase/

Music I released this year
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Oh yeah…I make music for a living. And this year was actually pretty prolific. I produced a few full length albums and a few ep’s. I even made a short compilation of me rapping from when I was younger and gave it away on this blog (poor life choice on my part). So, here are all the albums I dropped this year and the info you need about them.

Illogic:After Capture Ep
https://phatfriend.com/2013/12/18/new-ep-with-illogic-and-new-armand-hammer-remix/

Billy woods: Dour candy
https://phatfriend.com/2013/07/02/dour-candy-by-billy-woods-and-myself-is-here/

Illogic: Capture the sun LP
https://phatfriend.com/2013/04/16/capture-the-sun-is-out-today/

Other Ep’s I did with Illogic
https://phatfriend.com/2013/03/07/illogicblockhead-round-up/

Blockhead: The Rapper
https://phatfriend.com/2013/03/20/blockhead-the-rapper/

And that’s about it. Have a good new year and I’ll see you on the flip tip. Also, Don’t drink and drive, guys. Just drink.

Answers for questions vol. 168

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Well, another year is almost behind us. Can you believe it? It feels like just yesterday we were all arguing about open toed shoe wearing males and if Yung Lean is gonna be a big deal. Oh wait, we were doing that yesterday. Never mind.
The more things change, the more they stay the same, AMIRITE?!?!
Anyway, you know what this is. You ask questions. I answer them. Simple really. If you have a question for me, I’d love to hear it. Hell, I’d love to answer it. So, send them my way. Be creative. Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Both work equally well. Both are anonymous. Okay? get on that. I always need content.
Here’s this weeks batch. See you guys next year.

I’ve been to the bigger cities in the us (chi, sf, la, dc, ny) and none of them have fewer public restrooms than New York, especially outside of the tourist areas. If a place does have them, they are heavily guarded or kept a secret. Growing up in the city, do you just get used to it? Plan ahead? What about when you are walking home drunk? Have you pulled off elaborate lies to use a store/restaurant bathrooms?

Wait, cities have tons of public restrooms everywhere? I’ve never noticed that. Unless you’re in a park or somewhere like a library/museum , they’re not gonna be around. Do Chicago, SF and LA have like tons of porta-potties around or something? I’ve been to all those places and never noticed a difference in public bathroom access. I think that sort of thing has 100% to do with location within the city and also that, in general, NYC is more of a walking city than those other cities so you may have noticed it more.
In my experience, I could always find a place to piss (even if it meant the streets ESPECIALLY at night coming home drunk). Finding a place to shit is different but that’s really only an issue if you’re having an emergency. I can’t say that’s happened to me much in my life and , the few times it did, I managed to find a place before it was too late. Sometimes, you gotta go in a diner, order a coffee and just head straight to the toilet. That’s always the last resort but it works fine. Or just wear diapers.

Did you hear the Judgment Night soundtrack where Rap and Rock stars teamed up to make a whole album in 1993? Did it at all inspire you to write the Kornhole song on the Party Fun Action Committee CD, or was that song strictly inspired by the terrible Korn/Limp Bizkit trend of the late 90s?

I just looked online for a clip of “Kornhole” and come up with nothing. Wow. Way to go, internet. So, I threw it up on mediafire. To those who have no clue what this is, it’s a parody song my friend Jer and I did (as “Party fun action committee”) a while back of terrible rap/rock music called “Watchu know now” by “Kornhole”
http://www.mediafire.com/listen/q5ybp9hm7fjfhtk/03%20Whatchu%20Know%20Now.mp3

I did hear that album when I dropped and , while it did not inspire the “Kornhole” song, it definitely was eye opening in making me loath when rap and rock are combined. I actually wrote something about it a while back.
https://phatfriend.com/2011/06/16/it-will-never-be-rock-and-rap/
All that said, The “Judgement night” soundtrack had that good De La soul/teenaged fanclub song and , regardless of how little I enjoyed it, it would never be as bad as the Limp Bizkit era of rap/rock that followed.

Going off of the question about humble musicians vs dicks. Have you witnessed any people or friends you’ve worked with drastically change in personality after success (be it local or national)? Not sure how to word this one, but have you always naturally been more humble about your craft or do you consciously choose that persona as sort of a PR thing? I’ve met a few musicians/djs who are humble in public but just asshats away from the limelight. Others, way more egotistical/confident on stage and timid/humble off stage.

In general, assholes are gonna be assholes. Fame and money only give that person more leverage in their behavior cause people treat the differently. I’ve never met a guy who was a sweet person then turned into a monster when he got some fame. It’s not like getting drunk where they can be two different people. If that person was at all a dickhead before he got successful, you’d at least see signs of it. People like that can only hide that side of them so well. Only a real deal sociopath could stifle that kind of behavior enough to fool people.
As for me, my persona isn’t really a persona. If anything, I’m a much bigger asshole online than I am in real life cause, online, I’m generally joking around 90% of the time. But I’m also not shy or timid in real life. As far as being humble about music, it’s hard not to be cause , as artists, this shit could end any time. We just got to appreciate it while it’s happening and hope it continues. I’ve seen sooooo many artists not do that and end up seriously eating shit when their time passes. Seeing electronic based musicians act out is especially crazy cause the shelf life of most genres of electronic music is like 2 years. It must be brutal to get really popular really quickly, get an ego about it and then be completely irrelevant 2 years later.

If you had a “basketball team” of influences/ favorite artists; Who would they be? And, Who would be your 6th man?
Oh jesus. I appreciate the creativity of the question but the reality of answering it is kinda bumming me out as a i truly hate “influence” based questions. But, after all, this is “Answers for questions” so I must do it. Goddamnit…
Point guard:Prince Paul
(he made this awesome beat)

He’s the floor leader cause, well, he was one of the first guys I heard layering samples in a creative way. He also had a sense of humor about things which I appreciated.
Shooting guard: Willie D

This is the guy who you want to have the ball in his hands. He’s the scorer. For me, Willie D is not only reliable but he’s been that way for years. He’s pretty much one of the the only rappers from the 80’s I’d still gladly check out new music by.
Small Forward: The Jungle Brothers

I know this is a group but whatever…this question doesn’t make logical sense anyway.
These guys would be my finesse players. They were huge for me when I was younger in understanding that rap doesn’t always have to be one way. The opened my eyes to versatility.
Power forward: Kool G rap

He was a bruiser, rap-wise. A power forward needs to be able to knock the next dude down. Aside from that, he also influenced every good rapper after him. Kinda like Rakim but with more humor and drug dealing.
Center:Dj Premier

I feel corny even picking him cause of how he’s blindly worshipped now (it’s as if he can do no wrong, even though he’s done plenty of wrong over the last 10 years) but, there’s no denying the guy. As a beat maker, he’s done it all. He started one way, evolved into something else and finally settled on a sound that is 100% his own. All the while, maintaining a high level of quality.
6th man: MF doom

Why not? He’s a wild card. You always need one of those on your team. The JR Smith’s of the world exist for a reason.

Which KIDS IN THE HALL star was the most convincing when playing female characters?
I get an unusual amount of “Kids in the hall” related questions. Why? It was a cool show but it’s been off the air for like 15 years. I barely remember the cast or any of the skits.
Anyway, the correct answer to this is David foley. He was almost kinda cute at times.

You mention song structure a lot and I’m wondering if there’s any formal way of thinking about it or if you just have some kind of verse-chorus idea behind it?

Well, there are obviously many ways to look at it as there are generally no right or wrong ways to make art. That said, for the sake of cohesiveness, people generally tend to work within certain structures. Something like verse-chorus-verse-bridge-chorus is pretty standard.
When I’m doing those demo reviews and commenting on a song being well structured, it’s typically just pointing out how the song flows. If a song jumps from on thing to another with no reason behind it or just sounds like a jumbled mess, I’d say the structure is fucked up. But, if the different sections flow smoothly into one another and compliment each other, then I give it props.
So, like I said, while there isn’t a right or wrong way to look at it, common sense and going with what sounds right to your own ears is crucial.

What heights would you qualify as short vs tall for a woman? I ask this because I’ve been called a “tall” girl a few times but Im only 5’6″ (which seems average to me). Just trying to see where I fall on the Stinky Vagina Scale, man.

Depends on how tall the dude is , really…
I’m 6 feet tall so, to me, a short girl is like 5’4” and less. 5’5”-5’8” is average (if not getting a little tall) and 5’9” and up is a tall girl. Keep in mind though, people tend to carry their height in different ways. Some 5’7” girls appears tiny to me while some 5’4” girls , I assume are like 5’7”. I know people always think I’m shorter than I am (I assume cause I’m broad/stocky). So, a big part of height is how you carry it.
But to answer your question pertaining to my completely incorrect and unfounded “Tall girls have smellier vagina” theory, you’re vagina is probably fine.

Wu-Tang: Forever?

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So, I was on the internet yesterday , scouring for crap and I came upon a thread about a possible new Wu-Tang album. Actually, to be honest, I had seen this thread but ignored it for weeks. Out of sheer boredom I peaked in just to see what was up and saw people debating whether Wu-tang can, in 2014, A)Actually release an album as a group and b)make it good.
Then I tweeted this:
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The response was mostly agreement with a few people scattered in who either saw it as a chance to tell me how shitty rappers I work with are (Oh, internet!) or to somehow try and tell me that Wu-tang can do no wrong.
Now, Like I said in the tweet, we all love Wu-tang. I can’t think of any rap fan alive who fully dismisses them and everything they’re accomplished. Aside from some great albums, they’ve had tons of successful and well received solo albums. Some better than others but , still, Wu Tang is legendary status. They’re that level where people either obsessively know their entire catalogue or they’ve never heard an entire album by them but still own a Wu-tang t-shirt cause , well, they’re poser dipshits. The amount of Wu-tang shirts I’v seen in williamsburg, being worn by people I would bet my life have no idea who Cappadonna is, is pretty depressing. That’s when you know you’ve made it. When people just wanna sport your logo cause they think it’s cool. For many people, the music isn’t even the focus anymore.
All that said, their actual fans are nothing if not faithful. Maybe I’m fair weather but I’ve always been a guy who goes album to album with artists. Sure, a misstep here and there happens cause often an artists creativity will not coincide with what I was hoping for. In those cases, I give a pass to the artist and still look forward to their future work. however, in rap music especially, “mailing it in” is typically a sign of an artists creative flames beginning to wane. In the case of Wu-tang, I’d say their decline has been a mixture of things. While there still is an immense amount of talent in the group, they’re more recent work has been hurt by lack of unity, people with egos and, most of all, a lack of focus. Thing is, I can’t really blame them. These are 8/9 dudes well into their 40’s living life. Some have made a lot of money doing music. some have been in jail. The leader, RZA, is clearly more into making movies than he is music and without him to focus everything, it’s an uphill battle for the rest of them (especially with the unreal expectations people place on projects like this). To add to that point, it’s not like the RZA been knocking it out the park the last decade. Really, looking at their roster, you got Ghostface and Raekwon who have made albums worth hearing in the last ten years. That’s it. And, let’s be honest, Raekwon’s good album was a shocking development. After the shit show that was “Immobilarity”, I didn’t see that one coming AT ALL.
O.D.b is gone.
The GZA BEEN mailing it in since his second album.
Masta Killer put out a sneaky good album in 2004 but , since then I had to go to wikipedia to see he had two newer albums than that. I had no idea.
Method man is gonna meth. I dunno if he’s acting or just touring but he was never a great solo artist in my eyes. Great group member though. He’s one of those guys who’s set financially so I don’t think making new music is that crucial to him.
Inspektah deck, who I always felt was the most underrated in the Clan, has seemingly dropped off the planet, only to reemerge to do an album with 7l and Esoteric that I never heard.
U-god…I don’t even know.
And Cappadonna is actually a dude I’d be curious to hear new music from. More so cause he’s a wild card than I think I’d really like it but, still, I’m curious.

So, what’s going to happen when/if these people reunite? Do you really think magic is possible as this point? A few people online were like “But Iron flag as dope!” but was it? Even if it was pretty good, it was still released over 10 years ago. Looking over their post “Wu-tang forever” releases you can see a clear pattern. Every album from “The W” to “8 Diagrams” is basically an unfocused compilation of songs with about 3 or 4 bangers on it. On the bright side, those songs remind us all why we loved Wu in the first place. I can’t front, when I’m listening to a new Wu-tang song where everyone is on is and the beat is actually decent, it gives me a rush. Even hearing a guy like Method man , who I generally don’t give a shit about, popping in after a U-god verse, makes me feel something. Thing is, those moments are few and far between and , once the excitement of “That was so cool to hear again…” wears off, the desire to revisit that song wanes. It’s as if the nostalgia can only carry them so far.

Here’s the thing. I’m not a person who thinks Wu-tang have another great album in them. That said, I’m rooting for them. I think the worst thing anyone as a Wu-tang fan can have right now is expectations. Don’t go back to “36 Chambers” and think “this can be done again” cause it can’t. Different time, different place. different circumstances. Music doesn’t work like that. I mean, shit, you know how many times I’ve been asked “When you gonna make another ‘Music by Cavelight’?”. And I’m me! imagine being the fucking RZA? I’d wanna make movies too. So, I’m curious what you guys think. I’m admittedly a realist with pessimistic leanings so I’m always gonna expect the worst but hope for the best. But, I ask you, Wu-tang faithful, is Wu-tang Forever?

While we’re here, let’s look at some post “Wu-tang Forever” highlights:







Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 31

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It’s been a while but the doctor is back in. Honestly, I was just waiting on some more questions and you guys delivered. Here’s the thing, I need you to keep delivering. If you have anything you feel you need advice about (love life or life in general), send me those questions. Email them to me at: Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Everything this is anonymous so don’t be a pussy about it.
Anyway, in case you’re new to this, this is a column where I answer questions submitted by readers about their fucked up lives. What qualifies me to do this? Absolutely nothing. Aside from being told by friends that I’m a level headed, honest guy who gives solid advice , I really have no business telling you strangers what to do with your lives. So, you know, keep that in mind. I’m not a doctor. I’m not even a college graduate. But, I will shoot straight and , best of all, I don’t know you so it’s not like I’m biased. Trust me, your friends are blowing smoke up your ass.
Here’s this weeks batch full of lost loves, cheating and a lady who has lots of love to give to her friends. God bless her heart.

Dr. Tony:

I’m looking for a little guidance here. I recently went to Austin, TX to hangout with a 40 something I know under the premise that it was a date sort of thing that weekend. I’m 29, and if I’m being honest, hooking up with her over this weekend definitely checked an item off my bucket list; that being bagging a cougar. We have hung out before; I stopped in to visit her on my way back from a vacation to Padre in south Texas. I live in OK, so it’s not a far drive, about 5 hrs. She’s trying to catch feelings, and while she’s a cool lady and we get along great, and she is definitely attractive, I dunno if this is an avenue I want to go down for a few reasons: 1) She lives in Austin and I’m pretty sure has no plans to move 2) Austin is the shit but I’m well into a successful career in OK and have a bitchin set of friends and I don’t want to have to try and rebuild either of those things in a new place and 3) I dunno if I want offspring yet, I feel I might though, and kids are definitely not in this gals future anymore. All that being said, should I entertain a semi-long distance relationship with this lady to pass the time for now, or figure out a way to remain platonic friends?

I love that dudes have sexual check lists. I mean, I get why it’s just a funny thing to obsess over. They treat is eating or something.
“I gotta eat KC BBQ before I die bro…and also I gotta bang a paraplegic on a sex swing!”
Anyway, considering this seems like something you did to add another notch on your belt of sexual majesty, I dunno if entertaining a long distance relationship with this woman is the right choice. For one, it’s a long distance relationship and those kind of things should only be relegated to people who genuinely feel they have to be together. From reading your words it’s clear she’s not that important to you. Calling a girl you’re fucking ” a cool chick” is generally male code for “She’s alright and not super annoying but I’m not trying to wife her up”.
Secondly, if you’re aware of her starting to catch feelings and know that you’ll never feel the same way, then you’re just toying with her emotions. Sure, she’s 40 and has probably been through the ringer already enough to know what’s really going on but still…if just seems like you’d be keeping her around as someone you can have sex with anytime you feel up for a 5 hour drive.
So, I’d say let it go and chalk it up to the distance being impractical for what you two are looking for in the relationship. OR be a total lying piece of shit and just tell her what she wants to hear, keep fucking her and live your life in OK like she doesn’t exist. You could always do that too…really depends on how big of an asshole you are.

Dr. T,

I have hooked up friends in the past. Maybe because it was either like a drunken fluke…and/or as single attractive adults it only seemed natural for it to happen eventually. Obviously we have enough in common that I like them as people enough to have hooked up with. Thing is…we also have mutual friends in common. For the most part…with a couple of them, we are still good friends and its not awkward at all. Probably because we’ve drawn the line and not hooked up a second time.

One “friend” yeahh i admittedly was more naive to his sweet talk, leading on, and to what his closer pals say is his notorious “man-whore”ness. I am not salty, I was just definitely caught up on feelings that were hard to forget until finding someone else who I shared that kinda chemistry with. Thing is… that last someone was an old friend of his, someone who I have hung out with much more in the past year by either going out to shows alone or socially. We have a lot in common musically, laugh at each other jokes, and have flirted a lot in the past.

Since we have a fairly close group of friends… It just feels like we are walking on thin ice whether to continue hooking up because it could ruin a perfectly good friendship dynamic. Should I say something, if I’m just slightly crushing and want to pursue things further? Or continue to play cool?

In short, What’s the deal with hooking up with friends? Is there such thing as friends with benefits, possibly even more, if we already hang out so often?

First off, you sound like you have a problem of shitting where you eat. Nothing wrong with casually and drunkenly hooking up with people in your circle but, from the sounds of it, you might be 5 or 6 dudes deep in a crew…and that’s not a good look. I don’t mean that in a “Slut shaming” kinda way either. If you like hooking up and it makes you happy, do you. However, there is a good chance the boys of your friend circle are keenly aware of your practices and reacting accordingly. I’m just saying, be aware of who your friends are and who are just dudes that are nice to you cause they’re trying to get in your pants. You’d be amazed how many male “friends” would vanish if you suddenly grew a penis.
As far as friend hook ups, I’m 100% in support of them as long as both parties involved are on the same wave length. The second one person starts to feel more than the other, it’s a disaster waiting to happen. So, really, Friends with benefits can work but it’s kinda like baking a cake. You need the exact ingredients and measurements. Too much baking soda and that cake will taste like shit.
Beyond that, it is rare that a friends with benefits situations turns into love. Life isn’t that Justin Timberlake movie. I’m not saying it’s impossible, just highly unlikely. To let you in to the male psyche, many of us tend to know our long term plans for a girl very early on. We know how far we’re willing to let this thing go before it’s past the point of us being into it. Meaning, we’ll meet a girl , think she’s cute but know right away, for some reason or another, that we’d never settle down with her long term. Perhaps she’s a girl we’d like to have a booty call relationship with or maybe just date casually but that’s it. As you can imagine, this kinda shit leads to girls being confused constantly by our mixed messages and when we randomly just stop calling/texting.
So , with this in mind, think about what you want out of the men in your friend circle before getting involved with them. If you just wanna get laid and you’re not bothered by the social stigmas of that, then it’s generally all good. If you want to date a specific guy and actually like him, you can’t treat it like you would the other guys you’ve hooked up with in the crew. Basically, these type of relationships are gonna be what you make them. Just be aware.

Ehi Dr. Tony, I have a question for you. Here’s the situation: Me and my girlfriend are together since one year and a half, I really love her but this summer I met my ex girlfriend that I didn’t talk with since three years; I met her in a party. Then we started talking about this three years that we didn’t talk and seen each other, I told her how she made me feel when she left me. From that day we got back in touch with each other, we start texting and we discovered that there was kind of attraction beetween us. One week later we went out for a beer and when I brought her home we kissed each other. I’m still with my girlfriend, I love her but she doesn’t know what happened; sometimes my ex grilfriend and that kiss come to my mind. What would you do? Would you continue to be with you girlfriend or you put all into play with the other girl? Sorry for the english but I am italian 🙂

Well, even though it’s minor, the cheating seal has been broken and the wheels are obviously turning. I have a feeling no matter what I say here your mind is made up. The flicker of desire one has for an old flame can grow quickly and , the fact she’s on your mind that much, leads me to believe it’s only a matter of time before you’re obsessing over her and your new girl catches wind.
Personally, I would generally advise against rekindling old loves cause , sometimes, we tend to forget why they ended in the first place. It seems as if only the good parts of this person come back, meanwhile, we forget all those moments where they’d walk out the room and you’d be sitting there giving her the finger behind her back. And if this girl was one who didn’t speak with you for three years, I gotta think it ended in a somewhat turbulent manner.
Regardless of either, you already crossed the line by making out, as harmless as it may have been. The whole thing would lead me to believe you don’t really wanna be with your current girl that much (cause if you did, you woulda been able to control yourself). Maybe you need to just be single and not deal with either of them?

If someone is in a monogamous relationship (not married) and you completely have feelings for that person, should you let them know or completely hide it? Like, how horrible is it to kinda pursue someone with a girlfriend even though you know it probably won’t mean shit? I don’t mean this is a creepy or forceful way, but sometimes I get this vibe that this boy with a girlfriend (who doesn’t make him very happy) wants me back. It’s not like I’m gonna start caressing his dick, or even kiss him…but I’d date him in a heartbeat if I had the chance. What kinda boundaries do you think there are in situations like that? All is fair in love and war? I guess I kinda see it as like you gotta keep a baseline level of respect but if he wants to stray from his girl, that’s his call.

So, umm…tell me more about this dick caressing, penthouse forum.
Listen, if a dude is taken,he’s taken. You can flirt and make him aware that, if he were single, you’d be a willing option, but beyond that, you’d be an asshole to interfere in anyone’s relationship for your own selfish desires. And all the “she doesn’t make him happy” shit is a bad excuse. Even if she doesn’t, it’s not your job to fill that role.
Even if the dude flirts back, it doesn’t mean much. If he’s a wifed up dude, he’s probably just happy to know he can still attract women at all.
And , let’s say you do flirt and the guy escalates it to where things might get physical, you realize you’d be willfully dating a dude that has no qualms with cheating on his girlfriend? I know you could argue about how you’re a different girl than her and blah blah blah but , really, cheaters gonna cheat.
From the sound of it, you’re 100% down with being a girl he cheats with as long as you don’t instigate the actual first move. That’s cool and all and , if you don’t believe in Karma, then what’s stopping you? Just know that by doing so, both you and the dudes are starting something from a bad place. It’s rare something like that will grow into anything that isn’t eventually toxic for both parties involved. Not saying it’s impossible, just highly unlikely (that should be the tag phrase for this column). And, really, don’t be the “other woman”. For the sake of honest and trustworthy women everywhere. That’s just corny. It just gives us dudes yet another reason to be assholes to you guys and justify our shitty behavior.

My old hip hop 12’s in the form of a compilation vol. 2

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As grinchy as I can be, there is still a part of me that is willing to give a little during this holiday time. A few weeks back I posted a compilation of songs I had on vinyl from the 90’s era of indie hip hop. Most were rare, some were just great songs. Here’s a link to that:
https://phatfriend.com/2013/12/12/my-old-hip-hop-12s-in-the-form-of-a-compilation-part-1/
Here is the second , and final, volume. I wish I could make more but, to be honest, my hard drive crapping out a few years back lost a ton of these and most of the actual vinyl is packed away. So, this will have to do. Lucky for you guys, this one got bangers (not to be confused with “Bangerz”). This one goes back further than the previous as the Master Ace and Frescho songs date back to the early/mid 90’s. If you’re a hip hop nerd, this will be your shit. I promise.
Enjoy and merry fucking christmas or whatever.
http://www.sendspace.com/file/ip8569
1)No time to Chill: Labtekwon
2)Synopsis:Erule
3)I’m rhymin’: Mr Complex
4)Day one: D.I.T.C
5)Hot: John Forte
6)Pushin’ Orbits: Sub Con
7)Ig’nant: Al Shid
8)Rollin’:Saukrates Feat Masta Ace and O.C.
9)The music of business: Ras Kass
10)The Session:The Arsonists
11)Sippin’ Brandy: King Sun
12)Sunroof top: Pace won
13)Go where I send the: Master Ace feat. Eyce U rock
14)Cranium: Gauge
15)Planet Brooklyn: Frescho

Answers for questions vol. 167

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The holidays are upon us an they are spreading open our buttcheeks and putting things inside us we may or may not desire. Fuckin’ santa.
Anyway, I hope you all have a good whatever the fuck kinda holiday it is you celebrate. Not to grinch out too hard but I seriously couldn’t care less about any of this shit. Outside of the parties and the food, all these days mean to me is that banks are closed.
Oh yeah, hi there! This is that thing where you lovely people send me questions and I answer them. I’m always in the market for more questions. In fact, I need them in order for this column to continue. So, please, send me some questions. Get creative. They can be about anything. Want my opinion on something random? Now’s your chance. Send all question to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. It’s all anonymous so ,you know ,no shame guys.
Here’s this weeks batch…

if you had to travel around the world by a non-motorised, way what mode(s) of transport would you take?

Well, seeing as I don’t drive, this isn’t completely hypothetical. Personally, I’m a big fan of walking. I know this would limit me but, really, not being able to use anything with a motor would already shut down my options pretty hard. I suppose a bike is the “correct” answer but, truth be told, I haven’t ridden a bike since I was a kid. I’m simply not a man who enjoys wheels and controlling them. You could also throw a boat into the mix here but I’ll be damned if I’m taking a fucking sail boat anywhere further than what ever bay it was floating in.
So yeah, I’d walk and just never leave my neighborhood. I could live with that.

So my university’s library recently set up an AMAZING service: when other students are making out, or having loud conversations, or just being inconsiderate jerks in general, you log on to their servers and directly ask a librarian to come kick them out. This means you don’t have to directly confront them, although it does make you a snitch. My question is this: if this service was created for everyday life, what are the top three instances you would use it on?

First off, stop snitching.
Secondly, that is pretty cool. It fits perfectly into how the new generations interacts. I’m looking forward to the day where people just don’t speak to one another anymore. That’ll be great. That said, as a non-confrontational guy, this would work wonders for me.
As for how I would use it?
1)Waiting in a long line. The person at the front finally gets called and they’re daydreaming about wasting peoples time. Even though this lapse could only take 4 seconds, I’d like them to know what a piece of shit they are immediately. So, I’d use the snitch service to immediately hit them up with a message that says “YOUR TURN, DICKHEAD” or possibly “Yo…GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”.
2)In movie theaters. Kinda the same way you would use it in a library.
But, before you assume I’d use it for people yelling shit that the screen, I wouldn’t. It would be used specifically for people doing these things: Taking phone calls, snoring, chewing/slurping soda like a loud animal , loud breathers and people having quiet conversations that aren’t quiet enough. Truth be told, in most cases, I find people who yell at screens to be pretty enjoyable. Assuming it’s the right kinda movie. Definitely don’t need that shit while watching some Indie art film at the Angelika, though.
3)At sporting events to get people to sit the fuck down. Sometimes , you gotta stand. Some exciting shit is happening. I get that. But, every now and then , one person stands for a not so crucial moment and it’s like a chain reaction. “a wave” of sorts. So, I’d wanna just nip that in the bud. If its not the closing moments of a game on the line, you can sit the fuck down to watch it.

Can you even watch family guy anymore?
I was never a big fan to begin with. It has it’s moments but, over all, I felt like it was kinda just aimless joke piling. I’ve always compared it to rapper Chino XL. He was known for having insane punchlines , mostly based on current events and typically in bad taste. Thing is, his songs were always kinda lame. Family guy is Chino XL.

Besides, I dunno why they even bothered going on after South Park ethered them a while back.

Hey block I play tons of pickup basketball, I’m 34 now and never made my high school team and I learned how to play by playing street ball. I would say my skills are above average and usually outside I could take or hold my own with any kid that made the team back in the day or the ones playing now. However when I get to play indoors it’s like I don’t know how to chew gum and walk at the same time. My question is two parts. Did you play ball in high school and do you prefer outdoors or indoor courts?

I played JV in high school but ,when it came to playing varsity, I bailed. My team was too good and I woulda been a bench warmer for sure (I would have been a 6 foot tall power forward on a team with 6’2 point guards). Honestly, the coach asked me to try out but knowing i wasn’t gonna get run and being a lazy asshole, I turned it down. The varsity practices were intense and I was happy just going home after school and watching Yo!MTV raps every day. I did have fun on JV though. I averaged about 20 rebounds a game in 10th grade. I couldn’t score for shit back then so i was bout my Rodman stats.
As for outdoor versus indoor, it depends. I’d say it’s more a “full court versus half court” deal for me. I Like playing half court outdoors. I grew up doing that as a park near my house and it was pretty much the only way I played in my early 20’s. But , if I’m indoors, I like running fulls. Nowadays, my knees can’t handle tons of outdoor ball. The concrete is not kind to us guys getting up there in age. So, I’ll take indoor all day simply for longevity’s sake.
I think the thing is, dudes who play indoor tend to have a more refined game. With outdoor ball you get those quirky ballers who have strange games they’ve cultivated over the years , that some how work for them. Indoor ballers are more serious about it. So, if you’re sucking indoors, it’s probably cause the people you’re playing are a different breed of player.

You may have answered this question before but what era of hip hop do you consider to be the best? And who do you believe holds the crown for best artist during that era?

It’s hard to say. The most important years for me were the late 80’s/early 90’s as those were my informative years as a listener. I’ll never be able to front on that era and , in general, it’s aged surprisingly well. The mid 90’s was awesome as well but it also began the over commercialization of things. By 95, the end of good rap on major labels was already beginning. The indie boom era of the late 90’s and early 2000’s was also huge for me , both as a listener and as a creator.
But, overall, I’ll go with the old school shit.
As for “best artist”…Man…I have no idea. I hate picking definitive “bests” cause that kinda thing changes depending on your mood. I’ll tell you this though. It wasn’t Biggie and it wasn’t Pac. That’s for certain.

Often in the blog you have mentioned that you wished you weren’t such a bitch about approaching girls when younger. With the vast sexual expertise and knowledge you have surely acquired now after years of pillaging pussy, would you please give a few tips on two different types of game: how to get laid, and how to get dates and the different types of females to associate with each. And do you have any stories from friends who tried to ‘cuff’ or dated a less-than-faithful person for too long?

This is like 50 questions rolled into one. You could say you blew your load with this one. I’ll try to answer each one specifically…
1)”How to get laid” game.
This was never my specialty. I was never a “meet a girl, take her home that night” kinda guy. I simply didn’t work that way. However, having friends like that , I can tell you the secret to that is just being extremely over confidant, direct and having no standards. All my boys who are about that type of game were just bold and didn’t give a fuck. While i was never trying to wife girls up, I was more of a seed planter. A slow burn kinda guy. I’d end up hooking up with girls who I’d see around over time. In a way it was perfect cause , if they go to know me a little bit, they’d understand my intentions. It eliminated a lot of “why doesn’t he call me!” drama. Not to say that never happened but I also never had crazy drama with girls I’d hook up with. It was always neat and respectable (most of the time).
2)”Getting dates” game
Again, not something I did much of. I just kinda created opportunities by being patient and selective. also, knowing your target audience doesn’t hurt either. If you’re trying to actually take a girl out and not just bone her off the bat, the game is slightly different than the “get laid” game. But, the confidence part is still crucial. Basically, just be a nice dude and talk to a girl for a while. Don’t be a creep. The “get laid” guys will take chances and , if it blows up in their face, they don’t lose any sleep. “Get date” guys are more in it for the long haul so they just kinda massage their way in. No ones busting down doors. Basically, you gotta win her over with your personality and hold back the sexual energy a little. Save that for the date itself, assuming she says yes.
as for stories of friends who fell a victim to cuffing season…Umm…yeah…every girl I’ve ever known. I think , at some point in many single girls lives, settling for a short time for a guy who is clearly not up to standards is fairly typical. In general, most girls I know date down. Which is both sad for them and great news for all the guys out there. Also, it has to do with youth. A 22 year old person will date a truly awful human being for like 6 months. But, to be fair, that’s the best time to do it. Even though it’ll leave you an emotional wreck I bet the sex is great. Besides, how else will people learn?

Demo Reviews Vol. 38

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It’s that time again. The day I look forward to least of all when doing this blog. yup, demo reviews.
I think I need to address a few things here. I had a bunch of dead links in the queue today as well as a few “Songs” that were literally producers sampling other producers songs. You guys know that’s not how this works, right? Get your shit together. I’m not accepting submissions right now but, if I was, I would hope you guys can grasp the concept of what making a song means. It means you make a fucking song. Not just a loop. Not taking another song and scratching some vocals over it. Dunno why but this week was full of shit like that so I cut anything remotely like that out. If you’re song was like that and you’re wondering when it will get reviewed, well, now you know.
Anywaaaaaay, grumpy guy rant aside, this week had some decent moments. Mostly instrumental but it’s better than nothing.
The reviews work like so:
I write a brief synopsis of what i think of the song then throw some arbitrary numbers at you in these categories rating from 1-10
Production
Vocals
Listenability
originality

The rest, my friend, is internet magic!
On with the show.

Artist: Pixtol V
Song:Reyes


That was pretty dope. Really well layered and it evolved nicely. A couple of the drum sounds didn’t fit the vibe of the rest of the music but, really, that’s me splitting hairs. Well done.
Production:7 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:6 out of 10
originality:5 out of 10

Artist:Toybreaker
Song:302


It’s funny…this one has a ton of comments on it where people are praising the drums. I mean , they’re okay but that just seems weird. Anyway, this is decent. A little boring but it’s certainly got a mood to it. Not poorly made. “Solid” would best describe it.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5 out of 10
originality:5 out of 10

Artist: Cuttin; Corral
Song: Cuttin’ Corral Posse cut live


What the fuck is going on here? First off, they used the sample I used on Insomniac olympics. Good find. I don’t even know where that is from.
Then they use a sample I used from “Night light”.

Can’t tell if this whole song is trolling me. Clearly, the rapping is horrendous but also not at all serious. Anyway, this shit is a mess but I have a feeling that was it’s intention.
Production:2 out of 10
Vocals:1 out of 10
Listenability:2 out of 10
originality:2 out of 10

Artist:Band from the future
Song: Dark Caller


This seems like it’s very much for a particular mood. Like maybe pre-gaming before you go one a serial Killer rampage dressed like a woman. Finally! The streets have a theme for that occurrence.
Aside from the non-existent drums, I actually like all the layers that weave in and out. It’s a throwback to an 80’s movie soundtrack or something. I bet high people will like this.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5 out of 10
originality:5 out of 10

Artist: Roboclip
Song: Nostalgin’


This is one of those songs that, from the first kick and bass tone I know is not for me. Meaning, I’m not it’s audience. Is it well made? sure. I don’t like the drum sounds and , in general, this type of instrumental doesn’t make sense to me as something anyone would wanna listen to but there’s no denying the dude who made it is skilled at what he does.
I’d imagine this is what my mom would hear if I were to play her a flying lotus song or something.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:3 out of 10
originality:4 out of 10

Artist:JE double F
Song:Third mall from the sun


Cool way of flipping the name “Jeff” in to a rap name.
Anyhoo, this guy isn’t the worst rapper at all but he’s also not very interesting. Not much that separates him from countless other rappers out there. The flow his some snags, but over all, he’s capable.
The beats is just sorta there. Not offensive but also not asking for repeated listens either.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Zero
Song: What you think


This first rapper is very close to being good. He needs a little refinement. Slow shit down and get more comfortable on the track.The second dude is better on a technical level but I feel he has a lower ceiling than the first guy.
The beat is a cool loop. That’s about all it is. Definitely had a Madlib vibe to it but, I dunno…it’s just a loop.
Production:3.5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
originality:2 out of 10

Artist:Cratehead
Song:Sushi grade-Tartare Edition


Nice action Bronson sample there…
The beat is listenable but, ultimately has some flaws. First one being it’s just a horn loop (that gets annoying after a while) and one breakdown. The drums are a little flimsy and the background piano/bass part sounds like it was sampled off an outtake of “Freedom” by George Michael.

That aside, this is isn’t bad and the producer has a good ear so , basically, a little growth and fine tuning and he’ll be straight.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Unsung
song:Cheap dreams


Holy elevator music sample! Didn’t see that one coming. Reminds me of something MF doom might loop up.

The problem with sampling shit like that is it walks a thin line of being cool and extremely corny. This hangs somewhere in between those two things. The rest of the beat is not exceptional. It’s got aspirations though, and I can appreciate that. It’s as if it changes genres as the song evolves. Not a bad idea, just kinda unfocused.
Oh…the rapping. It’s fine. Sounds a bit like a less interesting Slug.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
originality:5.5 out of 10

Artist: Germz and Conditionz
Song:Sheeba


Well, that was a strange and grating listen. Pretty unenjoyable all around. Some parts would work as a horror movie score but the rest is just a mish mash of bad synth sounds with no discernible mood.
Seems like the work of someone just starting out.
Production:3 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:2 out of 10
originality:3 out of 10

Well, what do you think?!?!?