Answers for questions vol. 167


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The holidays are upon us an they are spreading open our buttcheeks and putting things inside us we may or may not desire. Fuckin’ santa.
Anyway, I hope you all have a good whatever the fuck kinda holiday it is you celebrate. Not to grinch out too hard but I seriously couldn’t care less about any of this shit. Outside of the parties and the food, all these days mean to me is that banks are closed.
Oh yeah, hi there! This is that thing where you lovely people send me questions and I answer them. I’m always in the market for more questions. In fact, I need them in order for this column to continue. So, please, send me some questions. Get creative. They can be about anything. Want my opinion on something random? Now’s your chance. Send all question to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. It’s all anonymous so ,you know ,no shame guys.
Here’s this weeks batch…

if you had to travel around the world by a non-motorised, way what mode(s) of transport would you take?

Well, seeing as I don’t drive, this isn’t completely hypothetical. Personally, I’m a big fan of walking. I know this would limit me but, really, not being able to use anything with a motor would already shut down my options pretty hard. I suppose a bike is the “correct” answer but, truth be told, I haven’t ridden a bike since I was a kid. I’m simply not a man who enjoys wheels and controlling them. You could also throw a boat into the mix here but I’ll be damned if I’m taking a fucking sail boat anywhere further than what ever bay it was floating in.
So yeah, I’d walk and just never leave my neighborhood. I could live with that.

So my university’s library recently set up an AMAZING service: when other students are making out, or having loud conversations, or just being inconsiderate jerks in general, you log on to their servers and directly ask a librarian to come kick them out. This means you don’t have to directly confront them, although it does make you a snitch. My question is this: if this service was created for everyday life, what are the top three instances you would use it on?

First off, stop snitching.
Secondly, that is pretty cool. It fits perfectly into how the new generations interacts. I’m looking forward to the day where people just don’t speak to one another anymore. That’ll be great. That said, as a non-confrontational guy, this would work wonders for me.
As for how I would use it?
1)Waiting in a long line. The person at the front finally gets called and they’re daydreaming about wasting peoples time. Even though this lapse could only take 4 seconds, I’d like them to know what a piece of shit they are immediately. So, I’d use the snitch service to immediately hit them up with a message that says “YOUR TURN, DICKHEAD” or possibly “Yo…GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”.
2)In movie theaters. Kinda the same way you would use it in a library.
But, before you assume I’d use it for people yelling shit that the screen, I wouldn’t. It would be used specifically for people doing these things: Taking phone calls, snoring, chewing/slurping soda like a loud animal , loud breathers and people having quiet conversations that aren’t quiet enough. Truth be told, in most cases, I find people who yell at screens to be pretty enjoyable. Assuming it’s the right kinda movie. Definitely don’t need that shit while watching some Indie art film at the Angelika, though.
3)At sporting events to get people to sit the fuck down. Sometimes , you gotta stand. Some exciting shit is happening. I get that. But, every now and then , one person stands for a not so crucial moment and it’s like a chain reaction. “a wave” of sorts. So, I’d wanna just nip that in the bud. If its not the closing moments of a game on the line, you can sit the fuck down to watch it.

Can you even watch family guy anymore?
I was never a big fan to begin with. It has it’s moments but, over all, I felt like it was kinda just aimless joke piling. I’ve always compared it to rapper Chino XL. He was known for having insane punchlines , mostly based on current events and typically in bad taste. Thing is, his songs were always kinda lame. Family guy is Chino XL.

Besides, I dunno why they even bothered going on after South Park ethered them a while back.

Hey block I play tons of pickup basketball, I’m 34 now and never made my high school team and I learned how to play by playing street ball. I would say my skills are above average and usually outside I could take or hold my own with any kid that made the team back in the day or the ones playing now. However when I get to play indoors it’s like I don’t know how to chew gum and walk at the same time. My question is two parts. Did you play ball in high school and do you prefer outdoors or indoor courts?

I played JV in high school but ,when it came to playing varsity, I bailed. My team was too good and I woulda been a bench warmer for sure (I would have been a 6 foot tall power forward on a team with 6’2 point guards). Honestly, the coach asked me to try out but knowing i wasn’t gonna get run and being a lazy asshole, I turned it down. The varsity practices were intense and I was happy just going home after school and watching Yo!MTV raps every day. I did have fun on JV though. I averaged about 20 rebounds a game in 10th grade. I couldn’t score for shit back then so i was bout my Rodman stats.
As for outdoor versus indoor, it depends. I’d say it’s more a “full court versus half court” deal for me. I Like playing half court outdoors. I grew up doing that as a park near my house and it was pretty much the only way I played in my early 20’s. But , if I’m indoors, I like running fulls. Nowadays, my knees can’t handle tons of outdoor ball. The concrete is not kind to us guys getting up there in age. So, I’ll take indoor all day simply for longevity’s sake.
I think the thing is, dudes who play indoor tend to have a more refined game. With outdoor ball you get those quirky ballers who have strange games they’ve cultivated over the years , that some how work for them. Indoor ballers are more serious about it. So, if you’re sucking indoors, it’s probably cause the people you’re playing are a different breed of player.

You may have answered this question before but what era of hip hop do you consider to be the best? And who do you believe holds the crown for best artist during that era?

It’s hard to say. The most important years for me were the late 80’s/early 90’s as those were my informative years as a listener. I’ll never be able to front on that era and , in general, it’s aged surprisingly well. The mid 90’s was awesome as well but it also began the over commercialization of things. By 95, the end of good rap on major labels was already beginning. The indie boom era of the late 90’s and early 2000’s was also huge for me , both as a listener and as a creator.
But, overall, I’ll go with the old school shit.
As for “best artist”…Man…I have no idea. I hate picking definitive “bests” cause that kinda thing changes depending on your mood. I’ll tell you this though. It wasn’t Biggie and it wasn’t Pac. That’s for certain.

Often in the blog you have mentioned that you wished you weren’t such a bitch about approaching girls when younger. With the vast sexual expertise and knowledge you have surely acquired now after years of pillaging pussy, would you please give a few tips on two different types of game: how to get laid, and how to get dates and the different types of females to associate with each. And do you have any stories from friends who tried to ‘cuff’ or dated a less-than-faithful person for too long?

This is like 50 questions rolled into one. You could say you blew your load with this one. I’ll try to answer each one specifically…
1)”How to get laid” game.
This was never my specialty. I was never a “meet a girl, take her home that night” kinda guy. I simply didn’t work that way. However, having friends like that , I can tell you the secret to that is just being extremely over confidant, direct and having no standards. All my boys who are about that type of game were just bold and didn’t give a fuck. While i was never trying to wife girls up, I was more of a seed planter. A slow burn kinda guy. I’d end up hooking up with girls who I’d see around over time. In a way it was perfect cause , if they go to know me a little bit, they’d understand my intentions. It eliminated a lot of “why doesn’t he call me!” drama. Not to say that never happened but I also never had crazy drama with girls I’d hook up with. It was always neat and respectable (most of the time).
2)”Getting dates” game
Again, not something I did much of. I just kinda created opportunities by being patient and selective. also, knowing your target audience doesn’t hurt either. If you’re trying to actually take a girl out and not just bone her off the bat, the game is slightly different than the “get laid” game. But, the confidence part is still crucial. Basically, just be a nice dude and talk to a girl for a while. Don’t be a creep. The “get laid” guys will take chances and , if it blows up in their face, they don’t lose any sleep. “Get date” guys are more in it for the long haul so they just kinda massage their way in. No ones busting down doors. Basically, you gotta win her over with your personality and hold back the sexual energy a little. Save that for the date itself, assuming she says yes.
as for stories of friends who fell a victim to cuffing season…Umm…yeah…every girl I’ve ever known. I think , at some point in many single girls lives, settling for a short time for a guy who is clearly not up to standards is fairly typical. In general, most girls I know date down. Which is both sad for them and great news for all the guys out there. Also, it has to do with youth. A 22 year old person will date a truly awful human being for like 6 months. But, to be fair, that’s the best time to do it. Even though it’ll leave you an emotional wreck I bet the sex is great. Besides, how else will people learn?

4 thoughts on “Answers for questions vol. 167

  1. Do you think that your quasi grinch-like attitude with the holidays is mostly related to your work environment and your atypical career?

    I’ve been thinking about that this year…. I have more of a typical mon-fri 9-5 type schedule (I love my job though, I swear!) and the holidays don’t bother me that much because I have time off to visit my family,etc. But I think of my friends with creative careers who work from home and if that were me I think it would drive me bananas with all of my family and friends fucking up my personal routine and domain!!! Do you feel the same way?

  2. Do you have a driver’s license? I’m pretty sure you do not drive, because living in the city the best modes are walking and bike.

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