This week, Pollyne and I briefly discuss this fucking Donald Sterling debacle but, more importantly, it’s a week of personal discovery for Pollyne. We also talk about dreams, girls in workout cloths and the best/worst song of the week.
Also, if you’re the type who likes to listen to podcasts in your iPhone/pod/car, all these are available on I-tunes. Search for “Rogglecast”. Subscribe! Write kind comments! give us good ratings! All that shit.
So, umm, how you feeling today? Mellow? Relaxed? Like life is a bubble bath? Well, I got just the thing for you. I just saw a video of a new rapper that will rub you one of three ways.
1)You will hate it so much you will turn it off before it even becomes clear what is going on.
2)This will make your day , as it is fucking hilarious.
3)You will legit love this song and repost it on all your social networks.
For those of you who take rap music very seriously, this is not for you. I love rap too ,guys, but sometimes you gotta just let your guard down and embrace comedy as comedy. Let me stop rambling and just show you what I’m talking about.
At very first glance, the question that immediately pops into my head here is “Is this guy from Florida”. A few seconds into the video, that question is answered with a resounding “yes!”.
Stitches is an 18 year old rapper from Miami. He’s got an AK 47 tatted on her face. That’s commitment. He’s half cuban and half Greek and, more than anything, he loves selling bloowwwwwwwwwww!!!!!
He’s got the blood/drug lust of Gunplay, the energy of Mystikal, the social graces of Tim Dog and the fashion sense of a Rap/rock nightmare. This dude has got undeniable…energy. I don’t do coke but I’d imagine that hearing this while ski’d up would result in broken furniture and possibly broken friendships. This is the musical equivalent to being pushed off the top of the empire state building. Honestly…it’s just so insane on so many levels, I keep watching it and forgetting what I want to say about it.
Side note, it’s always impressive to me when these homemade videos look so professionally made. Is it simply that things look better in black and white? Part of me feels like these types of dudes deserve credit for being able to artfully (yeah, I said that about this) capture themselves in a way that’s both compelling and visually pleasing. I dunno. It’s so easy to make a bad video and then a guy like this comes around and makes this. Say what you will…it’s pretty fucking compelling.
How was your week? mine existed as well.
Anyway, this is where you guys send me questions and I answer them. As you will be able to tell from this weeks batch, I take any and all questions. If you’d like to participate, please do! Leave questions in the comment section below or email them to me at email@example.com. I always need them so don’t be shy, guy. Without your questions , this cannot exist. You are my blood.
Let’s check this weeks bounty.
A confession: 10 years ago, I used to be a huge SATC fan. So much so that I could obnoxiously tell you that it’s (ahem) Sex AND the City, not SITC. You’re very welcome!
I remember…having a poster up of SJP in my room (next to Audrey Hepburn, naturally). Anxiously awaiting for my download to finish from a thing that rhymes with “schlymewire.” And even occasionally posting quotes from the show as MSN messenger statuses. Sidenote: I know I’m starting to sound “old” but I actually prefer the term “seasoned.” Blockhead, do you think I will always have somewhat terrible taste in pop culture because of this terrible transgression? Can I ever recover??
I’m assuming you’re a girl so, no, this is just a phase some girls go through when growing up. SATC clearly has some allure that draws girls in. The cloths? The fast city living? The incredibly terrible writing and jokes? I dunno. Maybe a little of all that. But , whatever it is, it taps into something. But, let’s be honest here, it’s one of many shows like this. Bravo’s entire network is pretty much made for people who once liked SATC. Also, I should add that there are shows like this that men seem to feel the same way about. It’s called sports.
Can you recover? Sure. As long as you can acknowledge that SATC is a)not realistic 2)a guilty pleasure 3)we all like bad things when we’re young you should be fine. We all make mistakes and if that’s one of your worse ones, then you’re doing okay in life (and you’re a blindingly typical white girl from the late 90’s/2000’s).
On a scale from 1 to 100, how does this -> http://www.buzzfeed.com/krystieyandoli/how-much-of-a-new-yorker-are-you -> Buzzfeed Quiz make you feel?
As it has been documented, forced NYC centric things like this are typically the bane of my existence. But, am I TRULY mad at it? Nah. It’s the worst. I mean, holy shit…it’s bad. I scored a 78 on it but even that was kind of offensive. I think about all the shit it’s asking and it’s kinda comical. It’s pretty much half things ONLY tourists do/tolerate. There are like 7 broadway show related questions for christs sake. But, yeah, this is bullshit and obviously written by a total new jack asshole who’s lived here for 10 years. For instance:
“You’ve had delicious slice of pizza for 99cents”
Nah, son. That Pizza is garbage. I’ve had it…it sucks. It’s what homeless dudes eat and regret.
“Spending 12 dollars in a cocktail doesn’t seem like a lot of money”
Actually, that’s fucking crazy and the second I walk into a place like that I leave.
“You’ve gotten drunk at a bottomless brunch”
This is amateur hour shit right here.
“You’ve taken a ferry to the statue of liberty”
This one is the dead giveaway that a non-new yorker wrote this quiz. No people who are actually from here give a shit about the statue of liberty.
“You’ve spend $5 for a cro-nut” “You’ve gone to magnolia bakery”
again this is literally something only tourists do. The rest of us know better.
“Fuggetabouit is one of your go to saying”
I’ve NEVER heard a person say that seriously in my entire life.
So, on a scale of 1-100, I’d say this pisses me off 78.
Your production pops up on NPR shows every once and a while. I’ve caught it on both “This American Life” and “TED Radio Hour,” which are the top two most popular podcasts on iTunes. Did they seek your permission or did they just sample you?
I don’t really know. I imagine on shows like that they just pay me a little publishing every time it plays. It’s not like it’s a commercial or the theme song to the show. It works similar to if it got played on the radio. fractions of a penny every time my songs get played.
Yo Block, I’m just curious as to what the process of “shopping a new album” is like? By that I mean finding a distributor. I notice that there’s always a considerable amount of time spent between you finishing a project and figuring out who actually releases it. Is it just a lot of bureaucratic bullshit, or do labels really take that long in deciding whether or not they want to put out your music? Specifically, it always seems that Ninja Tune ends up releasing it anyway, so what are they really waiting on? You appear to be a pretty bankable artist for them at this point.
As it is something I’ve doing right now I can tell you all about it.
At this point, I can honestly say Ninja Tune is not going to put out my next album. We had a great run and I got love for those dudes but they’re going in a different direction and the amount of sampling I do has always been an issue. The thing is that , in 2014, the majority of money labels make off of music is done through licensing. When you (or, I) sample, it makes those songs pretty much impossible to license. That’s why you’ve never heard “Insomniac olympics” on a commercial or in a movie. So, while i have been successful for Ninja tune (My records alway recoup and I tour well), on the other side of things, I haven’t done too well. So, I get it, no hard feelings and I’m sure we’ll maintain a good relationship beyond this.
Now, as for shopping the new album, it’s basically in the hands of my manager. I finished my new album late last year and it’s been making the rounds. I won’t lie. The sampling is always gonna be an issue for most labels. So, it’s taking a little time. My manager basically is in contact with a few different labels and trying to feel out what the best option will be. A lot of these labels have schedules they need to work around and tons of shit on their plate so it’s never a quick process.
Worst case scenario, no one wants to put it out and I just do it myself. I’d rather not but it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Though, I’d like to think it won’t come to that. We shall see. Some cool labels are sitting with the album right now so hopefully one of them will go for it.
Yo block, just saw you for the first time this weekend. What was with all the electronic drums substituted in songs? Didn’t think I heard the breaks you used on your albums. And no vinyl? Maybe I’ve been out of the hip hop loop, but is it all electronic controllers and stuff now?
Do you know what a “break” is? My live set is 90% break beats. Most of which come from my albums and others that are some of the most well known breaks in hip hop history. I barely have an electronic drums. Maybe you saw someone else’s set and thought it was me?
As for vinyl, I’m not a DJ. Never was. To pull off what I do live with vinyl would be 100% impossible. I get that you’re old school or whatever (I am too) but times are changing ,bro. This is what electronic/dj music looks like now.
I bet most reading this blog would easily self-identify as being funny or good in bed… but I don’t think a lot of ppl would consistently identify themselves as being smart. Do you agree? I’ve always grappled with that word, I don’t even know what the fuck it really means! Aside from extremes at both ends, I think the majority of people could be characterized as intelligent, depending on what criteria you use.
For example, at times I can be smugly impressed with myself at what my brain is capable of understanding and memorizing. At other times…I actually surprise myself with how dumb I can be…so so stupid & dumb (and not in a charming/cute way). And I am deeply insecure about the things that I am not good at. I think a lot of other people feel this way too. What do you think? And what does “smart” mean to you?
I bet if you ask Snookie “hey, are you smart?” she’d give you a resounding yes and an eye roll. I can only think of a few times where I’ve come across people who honestly have said “I’m not very smart” when referring to their true level of intelligence. I think almost everyone I’ve ever met thinks they are “smart”. Thing is, they’re all basing it on the characteristics they deem important. For instance, I’m a college drop out who, if you put a science related book in front of, will lose focus within 5 seconds of reading. I’ve met people who are brilliant students that have multiple masters degrees but, socially, they’re pretty much mongoloids. Because my brain works the way it does, I value social smarts more than those of people who are good at school. It’s all just different wiring. To me, I see a person who is quick witted and funny , and that’s smart to me. I’ll take cleverness/creativity over book smart any day. That said, cleverness isn’t gonna remove my appendix if I ever need the operation so , obviously, both types of smart people are important.
This all boils down to something the poet laureate Ghostface Killa referred to as “Smart dumb niggas”. The world is full of them.
While I don’t like talib, I don’t find him to be entirely objectionable and/or horrific. Would you mind explaining your vitriolic dislike of him?
I definitely go overboard with my disdain of him but that more has to do with his fans and a very particular era of hip hop. For the record, I don’t hate kweli. I don’t even know him. I bet he’s a good dude. I just am not a fan of his music.
Let me give a brief history of my opinion of Kweli.
I first heard him on the stretch and bobbito radio show when he went to the studio with Mikah 9, and tash from the alkaholiks. They all freestyled and he was so out of his depths it was hilarious. I recorded it off the radio and got so tired of his verses, I re-recorded the whole session without him so whenever I heard, one of the good rappers verses would end and you’d hear like two words of Kweli and it would cut out. This youtube clip is actually LITERALLY the recording I did. Apparently that recording has spread thanks to years of tape trading back in the late 90’s.
So that was my intro to him. I forgot about him completely and then he dropped a 12” years later that I actually liked.
“2000 seasons”, was my shit.
That said, it was mostly cause of the beat but I liked this song. I thought Kweli was okay. His voice was weak and his flow had issues but the song was dope. Then he dropped “Manifesto” and I was like “hmm…he got better…”
It was kinda like he found his voice as a rapper. He even flowed better and sounded confident.
And that was it. He had peaked. He always had a tendency to say corny shit and his flow was always very forced but, for some reason, after that, it just got worse. Maybe it was cause he got paired with Mos Def who, while I don’t love him either, is a clarly natural and gifted rapper. When place next to a guy as vibrant as Mos, it really highlighted Kweli’s flaws. So, really, my issue with Kweli’s music is all technical stuff. His voice, lyrics and flow are not good, in my opinion. Somehow he became the underground poster child and a name that people who were new jacks would pull as their “underground rap guy” and it was always a telling choice. Really, it’s not his fault. It’s his fans. He did what anyone would do and had/has an unbelievably successful career. I’m not mad at him at all for that and , in fact, would go as far to say that he’s a dude who went way farther than I ever thought he could. So, in that sense, props to him. But I still don’t ever wanna hear his music.
So, I got nothing of great importance to share today. But, luckily for all of us, the internet never sleeps. So, instead of force some random “song of the day” on you, here’s a run down of a bunch of random shit I think you might enjoy. Music, videos, articles, etc…Basically, a gumbo of the things i’ve been into this past week or so. So, dig in…lots of goodies here.
First off, Nahright did something awesome and put together a compilation of all the loose outkast tracks out there. I thought I was up on all their shit but, apparently, i was mistaken. Peep this and download the 34 songs mixtape. Some really great shit on here.
People are always asking me at shows , “do you have a recording of your live set?”. Sadly, my answer is no cause, well, if I give that away, what do I have left? People coming out to see my shows is literally the last way I can still make steady money doing music. Some things need to be left alone. That said, there is one recording I did a while back of a live set. It was done during one of my first tours ,in NYC, and it was available on a tour only CD called “The block is hot pt. 2”. That Cd has long since been sold out but the live set is on youtube in it’s completion. So, if you really want to own this, you can still do so…just go to one of those youtube/mp3 conversion sites and Voila!
Here’s the youtube link either way.
My homeboy, good rapper and host of the awesome “Kinda Neat” Podcast, Intuition, just put out a new album. He and his producer, the highly underrated Equalibrum, have been working on this for, oh I dunno, forever? But it’s finally here. Well worth the weight. Dope beats, dope rhymes. If you’re a fan or the more introspective side of rapping, this will be your shit.
Peep it here:
Oh shit, i almost forgot…
Speaking of homeboys and music, my Buddy Premrock also put out a new album and I did a few tracks on it. Dope shit right here…Peep it.
You up on this Desus vs. Mero podcast yet? You might wanna get on that. Basically, the two funniest motherfuckers on twitter (who both happen to be from the bronx) got together and made a podcast. While it was initially just an audio show, it’s now become a tv show, thanks to the good people at Complex magazine. This shit is amazing. If you’re a fan of two hilarious dudes just snapping on everything, this will make your week. If not, you’re a big fucking nerd. Sorry…but you are.
My friend recently put me on to something very awesome. It’s an instagram profile of a girl who draws pictures of the awful men she deals with on OKcupid. I could explain it more but just read this article and follow her on instagram. The shit is hilarious.
The Troy Blog put up this lost gem today. For all you rap nerds, here’s Saafir’s demo tape that he originally sent to the Source. I actually had this back in the mid 90’s but have since lost it. Pretty psyched to get it back.
And I’ll finish this all off with some funny youtube vids…Why not?
Lastly, here’s a full hour long set of Comedian Patrice O’neal from 2004. He passed away last year , right as he was about to really ascend. Anyway, what’s interesting about this is that , in this set, it’s hard to really tell what the crowd thinks of him. He certainly doesn’t “Kill”. To be clear, Patrice was wildly offensive. Especially towards women. So, watching this is both hilarious and nuts cause he simply doesn’t back down from his opinions. He’s relentless. In fact, he buries himself deeper and deeper regardless of the crowds reaction to his jokes. So, while this may very likely infuriate some of you ladies out there (especially towards the end where his entire bit is based on the premise that , in general, men don’t like women) you gotta hand it to the dude for being fearless. Also, guys, you’ll love this.
What up. Time for another edition of Demo Reviews. As always, I must preface this with an all caps reminder:
I’M NOT ACCEPTING NEW DEMO SUBMISSIONS RIGHT NOW.WHEN I AM, I WILL ANNOUNCE IT. UNTIL THEN, DON’T SEND ME ANYTHING CAUSE I WON’T EVEN OPEN THE EMAIL.
Now that that is out of the way, hi! this is that thing where readers send me their music to review. Why? cause they want people to hear them and think me shitting all over their art is worth that. I understand that. Such is the life of an good artist.
The reviews work like so: i do a brief write up explaining my take on the songs then arbitrarily rate the songs from 1-10 in these categories:
I gotta say, this week batch is a step up from previous weeks. Some real potential in these guys. For once, i’m not leaving writing this in a bad mood. Props! Let’s get into it.
Song: Going spam in Lala Land
Strong start! Straight up, The beat is dope. Love the mood and the MC Rides it well. He’s not perfect (some of his flow is a little suspect) and relies a little heavily on similes but he says some clever shit and his voice is decent. I see him improving over time and figuring out his syllable placement better but, hey, he’s got good beats to work with and he can write so that’s a great start.
Production:7 out of 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:6 out of 10
originality:4.5 out of 10
Artist: Avante-garde productions
Song: I’ve been down
This has some good things going on and some not so good things. Let’s start positive: The beats is well made considering it’s using some pretty bad stock sounds. That leads me to believe , given the right sounds they could make some dope tracks. The rappers are certainly capable. They can double time well enough. I’d say , as the rappers go, they get a little worse as the song progresses though.
On the other side, the beat does sound cheap due to it’s shitty stock sounds and the rappers are inflicted with a strong case of “white voice”. Nothing they can do about that but it’s there. Also, I’m not into this kind of emo thing but that’s more personal preference.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
originality:4 out of 10
Song: NY beats
Oh, is this a New York beat? I was wondering cause I couldn’t place it.
Clearly, I’m not the audience for this I don’t even know what to do with this cause it’s got that Ibiza synth sound that should be eradicated off the planet but the rest is more refined. But, yeah, this sounds more Miami than NY and the spelling of the artists name is infuriating. Get the |-|E|_|_ out of here with that keyboard tomfoolery.
Production:4 out of 10
Listenability:2 out of 10
originality:4 out of 10
This was interesting. I kept waiting for an 80’s singer to come in and start belting. It really has that vibe. I mean that in a good way. It’s a nice slow build. Not really my lane personally, but it’s definitely well done. Seriously, a singer on this would be pretty cool.
Production:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
originality:4.5 out of 10
This is very rough around the edges but it shows a ton of potential. The beat is cool it just needs to be mixed better and some better drum sounds. The rapper is kinda the same. He’s not bad at all and will only get better. Overall, I like the aesthetic of the song a lot. That’s actual an overlooked nuance in rap. If this kid can hone that, it will be very interesting to hear what he’s making in like 2 years.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
originality:4.5 out of 10
Artist: Seymore Johnson
Song: Goat Worship
This is some sloppy looping. The first sample doesn’t really work and the second one is kinda out of tune. Then it just flies completely off the rails. On one hand, it definitely went places I wasn’t expecting but it’s kind of a mess in general. I appreciate the attempt but it’s like a bunch of non-sequitors mashed together.
Production:4 out of 10
Listenability:3 out of 10
originality:5 out of 10
Artist: Ill Chilldren
Song:Step to this
This is some standard “Spitting barz” kinda shit. The rappers are all good and have a presence and flow. Confidence is not an issue here. The beat is fairly boring. Kinda sounds like a late 90’s outtake. And the hook? Kinda corny. The whole thing feels old but, like I said, the rapping is solid. It’s just one of those type of songs that’s been made a million times.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
originality:2 out of 10
Artist: Rel 4 real
song: W.I.N. Ft.Yung Spook
Oh jesus christ…First off, I saw “Feat Yung Spook” and got excited but then realized I was thinking of “Spooky black“. Oh well. Anyway, beats like this are my nightmare. It’s like olympic theme music. I hate that shit. I get it’s purpose but it’s not for me. The hook is almost so bad I thought the whole song was a parody. That said, these guys can rap. The first guy in particular kinda killed it. Honestly, kinda curious how this demo even made it’s way to me.
Production:3.5 out of 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
originality:2 out of 10
Artist: Stingray Thompson
song: Wack Nightmares
Hmm…sooooo…what am I listening to here? This has some cool elements but also seems like it’s a bunch of people on heroin jamming. There are some tonal issues all over this piece. Yeah, I’m just really confused. I’m sure there is a drug that compliments this song amazingly though.
Production:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
originality:6 out of 10
This is solid. I feel like it should be in a commercial for something. It’s nice mixture of electronic and sampled beats. The sequencing is well done too. I could see this, accompanied with strobe lights, causing many mellow seizures.
Production:6.5 out of 10
Listenability:6 out of 10
originality:5 out of 10
Welcome to another addition of Fuck/Marry/Kill. Depending on who you are, you either love this or hate this. To the haters (I don’t mean that in the “Hi haters!” kinda way), just know it’s all in fun and I’m in no way trying to degrade anyone. It’s a fucking parlor game , for christs sake. The only reason I’m not using men in this is cause…well…I’m a straight guy and that would be impossible. The fucking part , at least. So, yeah, grain of salt people!
Anyway, this weeks batch is full of truly hard choices. If you got any original ideas for who I should f/m/k, leave them in the comments below. I’m always looking for new and innovative ideas. Let’s get into it.
Fuck/Marry/Kill: Amy Schumer, Ilana Glazer, Natasha Leggero
Marry: Natasha Leggero
You kinda set me up too perfectly with this one. I mean, I’mma definitely go the shallow rout when it’s put in front of me like this. Natasha Leggero, like the other two women listed, is funny. She’s also hot. Now, even though I’ve seen video clips of her dismissing all rap music and sounding like an out of touch old person, I think she’s since changed her tune. Or at least softened it. Cause, as much as I’m not trying to date a girl who’s obsessed with the four elements of hip hop (you’d be amazed how unattractive that can be), a person who has no respect at all for rap music and I might bump heads a little. The thing about Leggero and I , though? We’d get past it. No one said marriage was easy.
Kill: Amy Schumer
I’m a big fan of hers. She’s funny and has somehow managed to make a good sketch comedy show in an era where you’d think that was no longer possible without it being an over the top bite of the Chappelle show. That said, she’s not exactly a looker. A lil’ piggy in the face. I don’t wanna kill Schumer, but in this game, I’ve been given no choice. On the bright side, I’d like to think if Amy Schumer wrote this edition of F/M/K , she’d pick the same fate and express it in a much funnier way than I just did.
Fuck: Illana Glazer
Whoever sent in these options has been paying attention. By Putting Glazer here, they’re testing me cause I have a weird crush on this girl. In fact, I bet they were testing if my crushes are deeper than just shallow physical attraction. Whelp, apparently not.
Still, It would be my honor to bone her. My attraction to her is based on many things. Yes, she’s very funny. But you don’t fuck funny. She’s also quirky. Can’t say my dicks ever gotten hard for a female clown. No, my attraction to her is based on something I’ve mentioned many times in F/M/K. She’s a jewess who reminds me of girls I used to want to have sex with in high school. That’s all it takes. The other things are a bonus. High school was all about jews and puerto ricans. So, forever, I’ll have a thing for those two types. That’s just how it is.
F/M/K: Facebook / Twitter / Instagram (the last option was originally Pintrest but what the fuck is that?)
Instagram is fun and easy. Low pressure. I don’t need it but I enjoy it greatly. It seems like the clear pick for me to bone down on. Not to mention, it’s visual. Us men are visually driven creatures. I’ve literally seen pics on instagram that i could probably make love to, if that was possible (shout out to bikini season and girls who need affirmation. You guys look great). I think I wouldn’t marry instagram cause it’s just not that serious. Instagram is a casual fling that goes on for years. I wouldn’t want to change that ever.
I love twitter but the reason I’d kill it is cause it’s pretty much just an aspect of Facebook. Sure, it’s faster, funnier and arranged in a pleasing way. It also tends to attract a more “on the ball” crowd. I can’t even begin to explain how awful the comment section of my facebook page gets. but twitter also promotes the overuse of hashtags and people still haven’t figured out that retweeting anytime some gives you accolades is generally really fucking annoying. So, me killing Twitter would be depressing but i’d do it as painlessly as possible. Perhaps I’ve force feed it pills so it could pass calmly in the night. #deadbutnotforgotten
I’m sure many of you are disagreeing with this but hear me out. Yes, Facebook is seemingly on it’s way out. I know tons of people who abandoned it for the two other sites listed above. But, let’s be honest, facebook is all those things and more. It can be like twitter. It can be like Instagram. All that and more. It’s like the general store. Sure, Twitter may be the cooler store in town where you buy all those exclusive things but do they sell butter? I bet they don’t even have eggs. Facebook got that and a decent enough knock off of whatever designer crap that other place was slinging. Facebook got everything you need so, if I had to chose, I’d take it easily over the others cause of its wide reach. To be honest, the only reason facebook is wacker now is cause too cool for school people decided they wanted to use other social networks.The site itself is still awesome. In fact, had Myspace never gone under and gotten over run by Spam, I’d probably be married to that right now anyway.
F/M/K:The Fresh Prince edition: -Hilary -Ashley (when she was age appropriate) -Will’s girlfriend (Nia Long)
I’d like to start this saying that, when this show aired, I was a few years (maybe 4 or tops) older than ashley and she was pretty much the hottest girl ever to me. So, a legal aged ashley is ,without question, getting wifed up. I haven’t seen her in a minute but the late teen early 20’s version of her is something special. It would be a bonus if she dressed like it was the mid 90’s too cause that would also be hilarious. I bet her Roger rabbit was on point back then.
To be honest, I Barely remember her being on the show but whatever. Nia Long is my shit. She’s the black version of Michelle Williams. Tiny, adorable and she aged amazingly. The more I think about it, the more I think I should be marrying her…but, alas, my love for Ashley runs too deep. Still though, sex with Nia Long? That would not be a problem. Who knows? maybe I’d fall in love with her and leave Ashley? God works in mysterious ways and one of those ways might involved a hypothetical love triangle between nia long, ashley and I. You never know, bro!
I mean, shit, she was always hot to me too. That said, I dunno if the actress was that good or the writing was special but her stuck up, spoiled bitchiness came through hard on the show. She wasn’t even sexual to me. I remember seeing the actress that played her in another role and being like “whoa! she’s not an awful piece of shit…”. Still, the scar remains and she’ll always be hillary. I’d imagine there are tons of guys out there who saw her as a challenge and would pick her based on that but I’ve never been a captain fix-a-hoe so i’ll leave that to the men with more patience and desire.
Fuck/Marry/Kill: NYC, SF, L.A.
Duh. I mean, it’s not even close. Yes, I’m wildly biased on this but what other answer would you possibly expect me to pick? I wish I could marry this city. If i could, I’d become one of those awful patronizing, passive aggressive husbands who would shame my wife into being the woman I fell in love with when I met her all those years ago. Like I’d say shit like “NAh, that new high end clothing store you opened is cool but I always liked how that area had good bars in it and wasn’t full of vertical striped shirt dipshits…but, hey, what do i know?”. Eventually my abuse might actually pay off. One can dream.
Fuck: San Francisco
This is where I’d go if NYC vanished. I got family there. I got friends there. I love the feel of the city. It’s just an awesome place all around. The only reason it’s not getting a ring is cause my bitch NYC doesn’t play games. Also, the fear of earthquakes and me ever becoming a person who says “hella” is enough to keep me out of there full time. Still, if I’m gonna go balls deep on any city, it would be S.F.
Now, this was actually tougher than you might think. I’ve come around on L.A. in a major way over the last 10 years. It’s fun, the weather is great, there’s always shit going on and the food is awesome. Why kill it then? Well I don’t drive. Not driving out there is impossible. Well, not impossible but it would definitely make life really difficult. Add in that it’s full of actors and actresses and that’s enough for me to know. But, still, I do have love for L.A.. you guys just came up against some tough competition. Had the other choices been, I dunno…Sacramento and buffalo, you know you’d have my heart in a millisecond.
And now for something a little different! This week, we flip the game up a bit and have our very first guest. That guest is the lovely and talented Alice Wetterlund. She’s an actor/comedian that you may recognize from MTV’s Girl Code. I certainly do…cause I watch that shit all the time. No shame in my old man game whatsoever.
Anyway, She, Pollyne and I discuss Girl code, dating younger people and we give Alice a survey. She also teaches us that when australians say “back pack” it sounds like “dick pic” , which pretty much blew my mind.
Peep it here:
Oh, and , of course, find us on I-tunes. Download episodes. Subscribe. write romantic poems to us in the comment section. Whatever keeps you going.
A fine day to you, sir. And you as well , madam. How are you? Oh me, I’m Chinchillin’ (yes, that’s a chinchilla up there).
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask stuff, I answer it. Speaking of which, my cupeth running a little low so I need you guys to bring the heat. send me questions…about anything. The stranger the better. Get creative. Either leave them in the comments below or email them to me at firstname.lastname@example.org Become a part of the magic, yo!
Anyway, here are this weeks batch. Apparently, the east/west coast rivalry lives on. Who knew?
So I know people from the East And West coast specifically New York And California have certain views of each other Ive always been curious as to what a Native New Yorkers general views are on people from California?
California is a HUGE State. So big that you can’t really pigeon hole the entire thing. I mean sure, in general, I can say that California people tend to be a little more mellow than NYC people but that’s like saying Salt tends to be more salty than sugar.
Because of California’s huge size it’s got a variety of types. A person from San Diego is gonna be completely different than a person from San francisco who would be totally different than a person from Bakersfield. The common theme is that California is spacious and , generally, has nice weather. They’re near mountains and beaches. While NYC is compact, full of people and everyone walks every where. Our nature is pretty much limited to parks and gross beaches on the outskirts of the city.
I used to make fun of California as it was in my nature but I get it now. While I wouldn’t wanna live there myself (I’m unequivocally a person who prefers a real metropolis) I totally get it’s appeal. Hell, just being in L.A. for two days during the last winter nailed that point home. It’s definitely a more relaxed and easy going lifestyle out there. That said, it’s more boring. It’s slower. It’s the type of place you can smoke weed all day and never get out of your car. I don’t smoke weed so that doesn’t appeal to me. I like walking about of my apartment building and being thrust in action. As much as it may seem like I don’t like people, I thrive of the energy of having activity around me at all times.
So, yeah, the two places are extremely different but I’m not about to sit here and shit on California. It’s got some awesome places. If NYC ever gong under water, I’d probably wanna move to S.F. but , until then, I’m good here and still enjoy my brief visits out west.
I have a question. Why are guys so perverted?
That’s a fairly open ended question. hmm…Why is ice cold? Why does hot pizza burn your mouth? In the words of Lady Gaga, I’d venture to say we were born this way.
Guys are perverted cause our minds are simple when it comes to sex. It’s all visual for us. I can’t even fathom what goes through girls heads but, from discussions I’ve had, it’s so far and beyond anything a guy would even begin to get into ,it’s no wonder we have so much trouble meeting eye to eye. You guys work on a totally different plain. Detailed and layered. Emotional and situational. We can literally see some lower back dimples and the top of an ass crack and get a semi-erection cause the thought “I want to put my penis near there” will pop in our heads.
The funny thing about the simplicity of men is that it’s that lack of depth in our thoughts that lead to us getting weirder and weirder. Because we’re so visual our simplicity often spirals into places. Like , I often wonder how a man goes from being a typical guy who likes putting his penis in vaginas to, down the road, being the type of guy who can only achieve orgasm by a woman stepping on his balls with high heels. I suppose we are more prone to go down dark paths sexually. I mean, let’s not act like women don’t do the same thing but I feel as though men do it more and go to stranger places. Even the more basic fetishes we have (Watching girls choke on dicks, facials, anal sex etc…) seem to , at times, be based as much on “pleasure” as it is our ego and self worth. It’s definitely strange and i don’t blame girls for being horrified by it all but hey, guess what? I guess you guys gotta deal with it cause we’re the only species around that can make babies with you. Raw deal, I know…but that’s life.
Also whats your view on west coast hip hop vs. east side ?
Do you think there are any west coast groups or rappers that have had just as big of an impact on hip hop as co flow and juggaknots?
There is no way this is still a topic of interest , is it? I figured the internet pretty much wiped out any discussion of musical location. Yes, the two coasts make different types of rap at times but, really, no one has given a shit about that in a long long time. I’d venture to say the south and middle parts of america are just as much of a force as any coast is now.
As for the second part, I love both those groups but I can’t really say they’re influence on hip hop was THAT big. I mean, that movement definitely had a ripple effect that spread far and wide but I’d say they , stylistically, were not as influential as Freestyle Fellowship or maybe even Blackalicious and the old Solesides crew. What Co-flow and the Juggaknots did do was open the doors fully on the east coast for wierdo rap. Which is great. Sure, we had Ultramagnetic before them but they definitely took it somewhere else and that spawned all sorts of mc’s from future generations. Hip hop has always worked like the domino effect. One things leads to another. And those two groups are certainly in the chain of events.
Will you ever stop doing the Answers to Questions portion of your blog? Between your blog and when you used to do the questions thing on Myspace… it has to get old sometimes.
And/or does doing it weekly give you a sense of routine or structure?
I have no intention of stopping. I’m sure I will one day but , as long as people send me questions, I’ll keep answering them. It definitely has gotten old at times but I also use a little more selectiveness with what questions I answer. To be clear, I answer like 95% of the questions people send/ask me. But if one comes up that I’ve done a bunch of times before or is an opinion question like “Do you like (band name)?” I’ll skip those cause they’re either played out or boring.
This definitely does help give me a routine but that’s this entire blog. I wake up, write some shit, post it and go on with my day. Without that, I don’t know what I’d do in the early part of my day. So, yeah, keep sending me questions so I have something to do in the mornings!
You’re a comedy junkie. Therefore, I know that you’ve seen that ‘Talking Funny’ HBO special before. One thing that Jerry Seinfeld said in it is – “No one is more judged in civilized society than the stand-up comedian. Every 12 seconds, you’re rated.” So I have three mini q’s related to that quote.
1) Do you agree with Seinfeld’s statement?
From an artists perspective? I’d agree with that. Comedy is relentless. You could say the same thing about a rapper but, in general, rappers get about 4 bars before people make their mind up about them. They also can redeem themselves later. Comedians, though, are just constantly being scrutinized through out an entire performance. They can be killing it, say one wrong thing and the whole dynamic of their show will chance. That’s pretty fucking brutal.
2) When you hear a new hip hop track for the first time, how many seconds do you think it takes you to make a ‘judgement?’ And do you think that amount of time is different or the same when you’re hearing a professional recording versus when you’re listening to a demo?
Depends. If the beat is wack it’s got less of a chance. I tend to go into listening to new rap like so: I first see if I like the voice, check if the flow is tight, listen to what he’s saying and if he does it in a creative/interesting manner then , the last thing I’ll notice is what he’s talking about , content wise. This can all take place in about 8 bars. Some rappers need more time to be evaluated while others I can tell if I like them after once sentence. It depends. Whether it’s a demo or not doesn’t really make a difference. Before I did “Demo Reviews” on here I was a guy who listened to underground radio shows and recorded random rap demos on to a cassette for my own listening pleasure.Some of those demos were my favorite songs when I was younger. I can see past bad quality if the talent is there.
3) You have reviewed many (!) demos by now. How many secs into a demo would you say it takes you to formulate an opinion? Do you think it’s a recurring judgement, kinda like what Jerry said with the “every 12 seconds” or do you think that once you’ve made your opinion, that tends to stick for the duration of the song?
I make it a point to listen to the whole song but, in general, I can tell pretty quickly how good/bad the demo is. The flaws tend to jump off the page, if you know what I mean. The only exception is if the song has multiple rappers on it and a better/worse one comes in later in the song.
I don’t tend to crush on celebs all that often, especially not the guys (some of the girls are pretty dope, let’s be honest). Sam Cooke tho…I watch this video
and I am literally turned on. That lip bite..that face! that voice!! So so sad what happened to him. Anyways, is it weird to have a crush on a star who has been dead for, oh say, 50 years now?
I don’t think it’s weird up to a point. Like you should be able to separate this crush from the reality of the situation. He is a dead man, after all. So, by that, I mean you can watch that video and have those feeling but the second you start masturbating to black and white pictures of a dead guy, you might have a problem. Personally, I can see a pic of some old timey woman and be like “damn…she was beautiful…” but I don’t think I’d really ever be able to look at her in a sexual way beyond that. The reality that she’s dead or just old as fuck would weigh to much on my mind. I can barely enjoy porn made in the 70’s and 80’s at this point cause , for one, it just looks so grainy and old but , secondly, I think about how old those women are now. I dunno…maybe you have a more vibrant imagination than me and can pull some creative fantasies off? That’s on you though.
It’s time once again for the magic of sweeping generalizations. Listen, I love movies. But I’m not trying to see every piece of shit that hits the theaters. Sometimes, all we need to know about the film is in the preview. So, this is where I forgo the who “watching a movie” thing and simply watch the previews and review the film based entirely on that. Short sighted? Sure. Not fair to the film makers? Certainly. But, you know what? I’d be willing to bet I’ve been right about 90% of the time here so that’s not really a poor success rate. So, without further ado, here is a new edition of “Preview reviews of Movies I’ve never seen”.
Here is my interpretation of how the pitch went for this movie:
Film maker- Okay, I got this idea for a movie. It’s a horror movie…
Producer- I’m in! When do we start shooting?
Film maker-But don’t you even wanna hear what it’s about?
Producer-Do I need to? We got money to make it and it’s scary, right? We’re good.
Film maker-But I feel as if you should hear how th…
Producer- Lemme guess. Something is haunted or something, there are attractive kids who know more than the adults. Scary visuals of ominous creatures lurking in the back ground,supernatural stuff pops out and scares you yada yada yada…I get it. I’ve been to the movies. It’s a go.
Film Maker-Well, yeah but it’s more than that it’s…
Producer- Kid, listen, you did a great job directing those commercials. I’m not asking for an oscar here. Just make whatever this is. All I ask is that it’s rated PG-13 and that the name be fantastic.
Film maker-umm…okay. Well, it’s called “Oculus” and it’s…
Producer-Stop the fucking presses! “Oculus”? That’s amazing. I’m all in. I don’t care what it’s about. It could be about a fucking stupid haunted mirror and I’d make this movie! Sign here!
Film maker-oh…ummm…cool. *shuffles off quietly with a check in his hand*
Ever since the Matrix came out, every year a new sci-fi movie comes out that’s basically a nerd jerking off onto a script at his own cleverness. Problem is, it’s always some worm hole based ,vague “In the future, things will be like this…” kinda angle that I tend to lose interest in the second it starts. They’re often convoluted to a point where I don’t think the film makers themselves really could explain what’s going on…but they look cool so who fucking cares? I mean, shit, you see that body float towards the end or the trailer? That dude must be bugging, right? He floatin’!
Admittedly, I’m not a sci-fi guy so this isn’t for me. I’m sure people will love this though. To be honest, the thing I’m most excited about with this movie is what the transgendered porn spin-off title will be. With they go simple and just call it “TRANScendence” or get funky and call it something like “Trans-men-dance”. Only time will answer that riddle.
Okay…Am i crazy or did Adam Sandler already make this movie? I clearly recall and movie I watched on cable while playing Candy Crush about Adam Sandler and a girl he’s not romantically involved taking their families on a vacation where…they find love. It’s a tough , uphill battle but, gosh darn it, it fucking happens!
Oh wait…it was this.
Wow. It’s no secret that Adam Sandler ran out of ideas (or stopped caring) a looooong time ago. I’m not even mad at the dude. He’s a family man. He made some great movies and , now, it’s just a pay check. But, that said, if you see this movie, you’re an asshole or have kids. One or the other. There is no in between. Your girl says “Hey, let’s go see ‘Blended’!” she’s not the one. Your boyfriend drags you to this, tell him your going to the bathroom and never come back. Not cause this movie will even be THAT bad. Sure, it’ll be bad. Without question but , more than anything, it just sorta exists. It exists as a unexplicable money-making machine that takes the dollars out of target and walmart shoppers pockets everywhere. But , hey, at least Sandler is reliable. You know what you’re getting with this and , i suppose, that’s all people really need.
Under the skin
This is one of those trailers that’s made to both entice and confuse. Indie Stylezzzzz. For the life of me, I have no fucking clue what this movie is about. Is she a hooker? Perhaps a killer hooker? Maybe a grifter? What I do know is about this is that…wait a second…isn’t this that movie where scarlett Johansson gets naked a lot? Hold up. I’m not one to really ever watch something simply cause it’s got a hot girl I want to see naked get naked but, you know what? This looks artsy. Yeah. Real Artsy. High brow even. I mean, look at the preview. She’s hopping around from random location to random location, wearing that fur coat doing all sorts of artsy facial expressions. Is she in a forrest? But she was just in an urban setting. Crazy! She even dyes her hair black! That plus the fact she shows off the goods in this makes me think this must be truly high level film making. Pretty sure this one has gotten good reviews too. So, umm, yeah. It would be with no creepy reasoning that I’d definitely see this movie. Perhaps during a lightly attended matinée or something. By myself.
It’s been a minute but we have returned. Due to a dumb mistake I made in recording last week, we lost a show but this one is here to fill it’s shoes.
This week, Pollyne and I discuss inventions we’d like to create, we play a brutal game of “Would you rather?” and go over a list of our least favorite words. Peep it here or download it on I-tunes. Subscribe! Write a friendly review (that apparently is a good thing). Okaaaaay?