Whattup. It’s april fools day and I was gonna do some sort of dumb prank but fuck that. I took one look at my twitter and facebook feed and realized it was amateur hour (that said, i have been fooled like 3 times already and it’s not even noon). A few years ago , I jokingly posted a fake Eminem demo song that was actually this song on April fools day. Suffice to say, it confused a lot of morons and I forgot that april fools based blog posts exist beyond that one day. Oops! Still, people thinking a bindi irwin song that sounds like it was written by Eminem (it really does, thoug) is pretty fucking funny to me.
Anyway, welcome to another edition of answers for questions! Yesterday was a travel day so I’m up in here a day late. If you’d like to be a part of the magic, send me questions! Either email them to me at Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Be creative. Get weird. My answers are as good as the questions.
This week is an interesting batch. Let’s get into it.
The bad news is; you are about to spend the next three months of you life smoking copious amounts of crack cocaine and forming a major addiction that may haunt you for the rest of your life. This addiction will destroy you financially and professionally, while you quickly drive away most friends and family. The good news; you get to pick one celebrity, who is well known for excessive drug use, to guide you through you quest, and act as some sort of crackhead Mr. Miyagi… or Bubbles to your Sherrod, if you will. Which celebrity would you kick it with (living or dead)? Choose wisely, they may be your only hope to survive.
Hmm…tough call. I could go two ways with this. I could pick the person who would be the most fun or pick the person who will help me actually survive this downward spiral.
I feel like a guy like chris Farley would be the most fun. Maybe Richard Pryor? In both cases, I’d be waaaaaaaaay dead within like 2 months. That’s the thing with heavy drug use, you reach a certain point and it’s no longer fun…it’s like a second job keeping yourself a functional human being and, guess what? You’re bad at your job.
So, with that in mind, I’d pick someone like Keith Richards. A Life time junkie mess who just keep chugging along. I’d imagine he’d teach me how to master my high. Cause, obviously, whatever he’s doing is working like a motherfucker. He’s basically an extra on The Walking Dead who can play a guitar.
This question is extremely hypothetical, so discard it if you wish.
Imagine yourself as a consciousness, disembodied but an entire identity. Now imagine that this consciousness if given a choice.
Not to discuss the origins of everything, but imagine that some cosmos power gives you the ages-old choice, to be or not to be. You are imbued with entire understanding of a human life, not what your life specifically will entail, but comprehension of what it is to live a human life. The joys and pains, loves and hatred, all of the questions that will never be answered. You are allowed to know what it is to live as a human.
In this moment, before life has begun, you are given the choice of whether or not to live. If you choose to, your understanding will immediately be eradicated, and you will be born and blunder through this life as blind and brutishly as all us others. If you choose not to, you will skip over human existence to whatever comes after, which you still know nothing of. It may be everything. It may be nothing.
What do you choose?
(The question comes from a question itself. In this place, this existence before life facing corporeal reality or an eternity of nothing or everything, would physical human life not seem a crude clay recess from the ‘truth’?)
Not gonna lie. My ADD made this one hard to get through. It felt like a reading comprehension question on the SAT’s written by someone who owns way too many crystals.
But, I get it…so, let’s see.
Obviously, this is impossible to answer. I’d like to think I’d choose to live. There’s just not a hard enough sell of what’s out there beyond human existence for me to really submit to it. And, after all, by living, I get the best of both worlds. I get to have a life AND see what happens after when I die. The only good thing about the “skipping life” part would be knowing things and, honestly, if I’m sitting around floating in clouds alone, who really cares what I know and don’t know? I’m basically some gaseous form that’s really proud of myself for knowing something that truly doesn’t matter at all. I’d much rather live and just deal with whatever it is life throws at me. At least then I’d wouldn’t be a bored, self satisfied, smug fart of a being.
In your opinion what’s more offensive: twat or cunt?
I don’t find either of those words offensive when used in the right context (or out of them. I’m not generally offended by words in general). But, of the two, on a societal level, Cunt seems to be the more offensive one. Both these words are every day things in the UK though so I’m speaking USA terms here. Twat will ruffle feathers but Cunt can be a real show stopper. You call a girl a cunt and you’ve officially crossed the point of no return. Calling a girl twat will bring the heat upon yourself but, I dunno…it doesn’t hit quite are hard as cunt. I think it’s fun to use them literally , referring to the female genitalia. Like “Oh, you went home with that guy? Did he enter your cunt?” or “I can’t believe that you gave birth to that beautiful child out of your twat! congrats!”.
For the record, I love both these words. In fact, I should use twat more. Thanks for the reminder.
Tony or Blockhead or ….
Sorry for my english, i’m french and i don’t talk english all the time.
So, my question is maybe stupid or not interisting so don’t judge me about that :
– Why i’v never saw you in France ? Do you have a problem whith this country ?
– When you walk on the street and meeting a fan of you, is that a borring time for you ?
1)I’ve been to france a few times over the last few years. I have no problem with that country at all (except when I’m there and people look at me like an asshole cause I’m american, but that’s not just you guys). I played in Paris and Bordeaux about 4 months ago. That said, i don’t get out to europe very often. It’s not easy getting shows there for me so I basically just make it out there when the offers come.
2)First off, i RARELY get stopped on the street. I’m not that kind of famous. In fact, I barely get recognized walking through the crowd at my own shows. So, this kinda thing isn’t an issue for me. When I do get recognized, it’s typically brief and pleasant. On the street, in particular, people tend to be like “Yo blockhead!”, gimmie a pound and keep it moving. That’s pretty much ideal. At shows, it can get a little trickier cause I’m often behind the merch booth chilling and people can decide to approach me as they see fit. I’m actually gonna write something about this later this week so I don’t wanna blow my load here. So, stay tuned for that.
Which lower-back tattoo would bum you out the most (if you were young&single and had just closed after the bar) if it were attached to one of the phattest of all asses?
wow…you are good. You’ve pretty much focused in on all of my most hated things. Well done.
The least offensive would be the soccer tattoo. Yeah, I don’t like soccer but I also don’t really care about it that much. On top of that, there’s a good chance a soccer tattoo might be attached to a fat brazilian ass so that’s actually a good thing.
The cat Tattoo would bother me. For one, it shows that the person loves cats but the addition of the headphones is just too much. To be fair ,he’s probably listening to Sterolab but for the sake of this, let’s say it’s hip hop. A corn ball hip hop loving cat. I bet he’s bumping Kweli. Thing about the cat tattoo is that, i know good people who love cats. As much as I loath them, some of my best friends who I love, are people who love cats (and hip hop). (side note: “Love, cats and hip hop” would make a great reality show ). The worst and easily more despicable of these three is the sex in the city tattoo. SITC one of those shows that speaks volumes of the person who’s into it. It’s the worst, therefor, they are the worst. I mean, if it’s a guilty pleasure, that’s one thing But if you legit love that show and care about the characters? Kill yourself. Beyond the show just being lame, it’s also one of the reasons NYC morphed into what it is today and we all know how I feel about that.
So, if i saw these three tattoo’s on a fat ass, while i would still have sex with all the hypothetical girls owning them (i’m only human, after all), the sex and the city girl is not getting a call back. On the bright side of that, it’ll give her something to blog about.
Have you ever set-up friends/acquaintances of yours and it blew up in your face?
Nope. In fact, I tend to avoid setting people up at all. To be honest, I don’t know many guys who do that in general beyond low life shit like “I know this girl who’s down to have sex with you” type stuff.
I find it’s better to stay out of that stuff cause, in general, things don’t tend to work out with most hook ups/relationships. so, if you’re really trying to set people up, you’re basically hoping they either get married or have one of those amicable break ups that I’ve heard rumors of existing. I feel the best I can do for two people I know who may hook up is either get out the way or let the more forward one know that it’s there for the taking.
I am a producer, and, every once in a while, I feel guilty for sampling other people’s music. I don’t think that it’s wrong… but, I don’t know, sometimes I feel like I should be writing my own shit. I don’t think twice about whether people who created the genre of hip hop were in the wrong. They were poor and could obviously not afford a saxophone or a marimba, but they could afford a sampler and some records with those instruments on them. I Don’t think they should be blamed for “stealing” other people’s sounds. But then I look at me: a middle-class white dude who could probably work up the money for my own sax and learn how to play, and I can’t help but question whether I’m in the wrong for sampling other people’s shit (beyond the fact that it’s illegal – F the law). So, I was wondering how you have justified to yourself that what you, thousands of other producers, and I am doing is okay. And what is your response to people who bash you for it?
If you’re gonna say “f the low” you might as well go full rebel and drop the actual word “fuck” in there. Just saying.
As for the question, I don’t really think about it. It’s how I came up and what I’ve always done. At the same time, I’ll always concede that I don’t really consider myself a true musician. I don’t play instruments, literally. I mean, I can figure things out on a keyboard but beyond that, what I do is different. It’s more collage work than anything.
When people bash it, i just sorta take it but i also don’t really care abut their opinions on it. It’s not my job to defend an entire genre of music to anyone. In general, people who shit on sampling don’t come from a hip hop background. I know some producers who frown upon it but even those dudes started making other kinda of music and eventually found there way into the electronic/hip hop world. People who grew up listening to classic rap records, chock full of samples, don’t even blink at it. In fact, I’d say they probably miss the days of when everything was a sample cause the beats sounded better.
All this said, I can’t lie, sampling is limiting. Trust me. It’s nearly impossible to make money in music nowadays and one of the ways is getting songs licensed. When you sample, it makes that very difficult. So, to new producers out there, I’d advise you to either learn how to cover your samples up really well or figure out how to play something cause having a long career in sample based music is no easy feat in 2014. Only reason I’ve still around is cause I got in before it was too late.