Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 35

Why, hello there. How’s your life? How’s that guy/girl you’ve been dating/fucking/marrying? Well, I’m Dr. Tony. I have a high school diploma and no background in anything remotely related to doling out advice but, you know what? I try.
If you have any life questions that need guidance and don’t feel like paying for a shrink and/or listening to you dumb ass friends biased advice, I’m your guy. Send them my way. Either Email them to me at or leave them in the comments below. It’s all anonymous and , who knows, I might actually help you figure out whatever lame ass problems you got going on in your life. After all, i don’t know you so I have no reason to not tell it like it is. Makes sense, right?
So, here are this weeks questions…

Hey, Dr. Tony! I’m wondering:

What are your thoughts on getting back with exes? I’ve been considering getting back with an ex, lately, but, I have quite a bit of trepidation.

This girl broke my heart something vicious, and it took a long time to get over her, so fear of that happening again still kind of lingers in my mind. But, more importantly, there’s a part of me that feels like I’m selling myself short.

Thing is, we have an undeniable chemistry, one that I haven’t felt before or since her. And, even though we dated in our early 20s, that connection is still there.

I dunno, maybe if I wasn’t 30, I wouldn’t even be considering it, but, I can’t decide if getting back with her is a good decision or just a delusion

Been there. Done that. Will never do it again.
Check this out…the problem with getting back together with old flames is that we only seem to remember the good parts. You see that person again and feel like it’s brand new. You fondly look back on the rapport , the sex and the over all vibe that drew you to that person in the first place. You have that comfort level (which is something that will often keep couples together in the first place once everything else has withered away). One of the worst parts of meeting new people is that you have to reintroduce yourself to a brand new person. Tell your stories. fill them in on your background. Introduce them to family and friends. So, that daunting process will often make us lazy and take the easy route…an ex.
The thing is, the mind has a way of totally blacking out the bad parts of your past relationship. We forget why we broke up in the first place. You forget those feelings of resent and general disdain you once had for that person cause you’re not thinking straight. Nostalgia is a motherfucker. Now, this could be a little different if you guys broke up on particular terms. Like if it was due to one of you having to move somewhere far away or another similar “it’s out of our hands but we can’t be together” type situation. But, outside of those examples, we must never forget the bad times. Think of those moments you spent sitting in your bed, seething at that person. Or how that person made you feel when they let you down. Even better, focus in on all those annoying traits that used to drive you crazy. Things that you can’t even explain to another person without sounding like an asshole but you know, deep down, they drove you insane. Those are the moments you gotta bring up when an ex comes back around. That said, you should definitely bone each other cause that’s always a lot of fun. Just don’t bring your emotions into it cause then, it’s a wrap for both of you.

So I’m a 23 y/o dude who started seeing this girl (20) who just broke up with her boyfriend. We’ve been talking for about 3 weeks now and hangout almost every day. I joke while drunk that I am just a rebound which she responds I am not and how she really likes me and appreciates that we have a connection even while sober.

3 weeks of chilling and we only done the deed 3 times. One of the times (our first time sober) she may or may not of cried. (I am pretty sure she did even though she denies it when I bring it up). When were drunk she tells me she really likes me a lot but isn’t looking for a relationship. Which I get, her just getting out of a relationship and all.

Anyways In my head I know its not worth the time devoting this amount of effort on a girl not looking for a relationship, yet at the same time shes not putting out enough to constitute a fuck buddy. But I am not drowning in pussy and the once a week affair greatly out does what I am use to getting.

How do I tread? When were not together and shes with other dudes I am alone at home doing not shit. Whether shes banging these dudes, I don’t know. If she is, she is giving it up to them a lot easier then she does me. (these dudes seem to be long established friends so I am not too concerned).

Idk man should I continue to work for something that may potentially become a relationship? While other guys may not have to work so hard? Or should I go back to spending my weekends with “boys night out”(trying to get laid but continuously failing)/playing xbox?

PS she even followed you on twitter because I said you were a funny fucker and I told her your blog is hilarious so I hope she doesn’t read this and if she does….HI!

That’s rough but you gotta just kinda take it for what it is. First off, she’s not looking to settle down. So that’s off the table. Once you accept that as fact, then you’re already in a better place. When a girl says that to a guy, it’s as real as real can be. Not to be confused with a girl who is in a sex-only relationship with a guy she likes, who parrots a guy saying “I’m not looking for anything serious…” on some “Oh yeah, me neither!” shit , even though deep down, she is. In your case, she said it to you and that means it’s authentic.
So, what you gotta do is either ride it out and take it for what it is: occasional sex.
or , if that’s not something your comfortable with, then just leave it alone.
The upside of the first option is that you can have boys nights out and look for other girls and still have sex once in a while with this girl. The only reason that would be a no go, to me, would be if you’re not emotionally ready to be that kinda guy. Which is fine.
Another aspect of this is that you make it sound like she’s fucking all sorts of other dudes. She sounds like she’s in full “I’m a free woman!” mode but she’s also 20 years old. Sounds to me like the last thing she’s looking for is someone else to lock her down. She’s 20, dude. If it were up to me, I’d make a rule that no one under the age of 25 would be allowed to even be in a committed relationship. But, alas, i’m not a god.
Also, it should be noted that a drunk 20 year old girl telling you that she likes you really doesn’t mean much. She might really feel that way but there are clearly way too many distractions for her to ever follow up on that.

Hey Block,

I have a question for you about friendship and mobile communication. Few days ago I visited a big city where some friends of me live. They do not know each other. I wanted to meet them separately. I tried to make appointments, because I had only one and a half day. I thought it must be simple, because everybody is equipped with mobiles, internet…

Yeah – but it went “We can meet in the afternoon”, nobody wanted to decide at which time & which place we could meet. I got some text messages, not signed with a name (unknown mobile number), so I could not see who wanted to meet me. I had to call back or to text back, asking “okay, we could meet at 3, but who are you ?” A friend texted but used two different mobiles. It was soo annoying. I wondered “Do they really want to meet me ?” Okay, in the end I met some of the friends I wanted to see, I was happy to see them, we had a nice time. The time was a bit short, because their decision process took so long time. But why it had to be sooo difficult to decide on time and place ? I discussed this with a friend, a) why is it so difficult to decide ? b) why so extremely unattentive (texting with new mobile without signing with a name, texting cryptical messages…) and he said, it it out of fashion to make decisions, everybody wants to stay flexible, to decide spontaneously. And the bad style in communication, it is only a bad habit, nobody should take it personnally.

But I take it personnally. I think, okaaay, I thought we were really, really good friends, but lets face it, we are not. Am I just oldfashioned ? Maybe it is a new style, a new culture, and I’m left behind ? It is definitly a style which makes things complicated, its stupid. When I grew up (I’m 36) we only had non-mobile phones, it was soo complicated. But now it seems to me even more complicated. Next time I gonna tell my friends “I got no mobile, if you want to meet me, we must agree beforehand about time and place” even if I got a perfectly healthy and working mobile.

I think, friendship is about decision. It is a main point. I must DECIDE which whom I want to spend time. It would be easy to say “Oh, my friends are just lazy dickheads but I like them the way they are”. No, I know definitely the friends in question are not. One of them is a scientist, he is well organized and not lazy. An other friend, she has founded a monthly magazine on her own, she is very, very well organized. And so on. Maybe they are tired of making decisions ?

What do you think about that ?

To make a long story short: My current pet hate is the inability of my friends to decide on appointments via mobile (and their vague messages which drive me crazy). Are they really my friends ? Are they careless because I’m just not important to them ? Or ARE they my friends but I am totally oldfashioned ?

Just a tip, if you’re gonna write “To make a long story short” it should not follow like 5 paragraphs of explanation. Anyway…
Welcome to 2014. This sounds like a handful of different things.
1)Your friends are flakes
Flakey people are THRIVING in the texting era. It gives them an openness they didn’t have 15 years ago. You can vaguely make plans and cancel on a whim 5 minutes before meeting up.
2)Let’s be honest, these people are just close acquaintances.
I’ve got tons of “friends” all over the country. If I’m in their city for one night, I know there are some that will always be down to hang and others that are more about timing and what they have going on in their life. I know, when someone comes to visit NYC that I’m cool with (but not really a close friend with) I MIGHT make an effort to see them but it’s definitely not a priority. Where as, if a close friend comes to town, plans are made and solidified well before they even arrive. Sounds to me like you’re in that latter group of people. Nothing wrong with that but you may just need to temper your expectations of people. They got their own lives to live in the place they live in. Only a good friend will drop everything to make an effort.
3)I don’t think you’re old fashioned. You just sound a little entitled and easily annoyed. I get both those things cause being in a city that isn’t home and not having anywhere to go is the worst. I think the combo of flakey friends and friendships that aren’t that serious is the culprit here. I’d say, in the future, if you want to make these kinda things work, lock down plans. Like call a week in advance and get these people to commit to something more than just “I’ll call you when I’m in town”. Otherwise, it’s as much your fault as it is theirs.

I’ve been a single mom for about a year now, I’m 28 and I think I’m ready to start dipping my toes in the dating pool. Not looking but not not looking. At what point do you think I should tell a guy that I have a 3 year old? Right off the bat? A couple hang outs in?
I mean, on one hand, especially when it relates to dating, I want the person to get to know ME and not just see me as a Mom. (I know if he’s scared off then he’s probably not the right one…blahblahblah but honestly, I’ve been scared off too, before I had my own creature). On the other hand, that’s what I am, day to day, a Mama Bear. Reading over this, it sounds shitty and looks like there’s an obvious answer, but it’s different when you live in your own head. Please solve all of my life problems. kthanksbyeee!

I don’t think there is a definitive answer for this. It depends on what you want from the guy and how comfortable you feel with letting people know that.
If you’re just trying to get laid or have a regular sex partner, then I don’t think he needs to know about it (unless he specifically asks about it). If it’s more serious, then I think you play it by ear. Just don’t be a crazy person and wait to say it right after he’s finished dumping a load inside/around you. You gotta be careful when dropping bombs.
I feel as though it shouldn’t define you as a single woman but it’s also something you can’t sit on for that long. Like i said, if he asks, you have to tell him. If things are picking up steam or you see long term possibilities with a dude, you should tell him before it gets too deep. Basically, having a kid is like having herpes. Just kidding. It’s way worse to not tell a dude you have herpes than not telling him you have a kid. but I digress…
If it’s a dude who’s gonna come over, he’s gonna find out anyway when he trips over that thomas the train engine play set. He’s also gonna wonder why you can’t just go out on a whim whenever. So, yeah…let it out when it feels right but don’t sit on it too long cause then it will come off like a sneak attack.
Side note about young moms, you guys kinda have it great cause you’ve already gotten the baby making part out of the way and , after that, you can truly enjoy your life. Sure, you killed a bunch of years in your 20’s but, still, the arrow is pointing up for young moms.

RoggleCast 12- Standards and Psychopaths

Two weeks in a row? WE ARE IN THE ZONE!
This week, Pollyne and I get into a variety of topics. We discuss how I don’t know how to buy shirts, how being creepy will always override being handsome, Titty Fucking and a fun thing called the “Area code game”.
It should be mentioned that we are on I-tunes! Subscribe. Give it a high rating! Download it. Tell a friend!
Also , if you wanna ask us questions to answer on the show, leave them in the comments below or email them to me at
Okay? Okay.
Peep it…

Stop Snitching: instagram edition.

Remember the “Stop Snitching” Craze of the early/mid 2000’s? Who can forget that time Cam’ron went on TV and said that, if he knew his neighbor was a serial killer, he’d opt to move , rather than inform the authorities. While I always felt taking it that far was detrimental , I did somewhat agree with the over all theory of people minding their own business.
With that era behind us and snitching being common place on many different levels, it would seem it’s trickled down to a very low level. A pathetic level. Social networks.
Now, there are certainly things that need to be regulated on social networks. I don’t think anyone wants mass amounts of bullying, child porn or ultra violence in their time lines. As with most things, the rules of common decency should be respected. The problem is that when you let regular dipshits police the internet by giving them a “report this for offensive material” button, you’re letting anyone who feels some sorta way about anything control what the rest of the world sees.
So, the other day, I posted this picture on my instagram
With a caption that read: The stripper at my brother’s bachelor party is really mailing it in
Within 20 minutes, someone had reported it and it was taken down , accompanied by this email
Screen shot 2014-05-28 at 10.09.48 AM
Now, right after I posted it, someone had commented “Report this”. I assumed they were kidding cause, well, it’s a picture of a cute baby, being cute, with a joke caption. I recognize that the caption could be perceived as risque but, gimmie a fucking break. But just to be sure, I responded “Hey, this is my nephew. He’s not a stripper. It’s a joke #noNAMBLA”
10 minutes later, the picture was taken down and all I wanted to know was which dumb motherfucker saw that and was like “Oh my heavens! That is offensive to my pussy soft sensibilities!” and reported it. I wanted to know so i could ridicule that fucking loser but also so I can block them.
There’s a few point to be drawn from this:
1)Instead of reporting stuff like this (when instagram is literally full of half naked 14 year olds who probably should be reported), just unfollow. It’s so simple. I love that people feel entitled to make judgment calls on behalf of everyone , even though those calls are based entirely on their myopic life view. In this case, a person was offended by a baby’s bottom and an obvious joke. What an asshole.
2)We’ve reached a point where there is a level of puritanical thinking that a 9 month old child’s butt is offensive to someone. If it’s not that, than that means it got taken down cause of the caption, which is even crazier. There’s no accounting for bad taste and, perhaps, my joke was treading those waters but, at the end of the day, it was clearly a joke. And if someone couldn’t see that, that means that a person read that and actually thought I had hired a 9 month old baby to strip at my brother bachelor party. Forget the moral decay that would have to exist for that to even be a thing that people do. Do you know how hard it would be to even teach a baby that can’t walk to use a pole? Come on, son. That’s like teaching a dog how juggle. Regardless, either reason behind reporting a picture like that shows so many layers of “not getting it” that I feel as if trying to explain it to the person who did it would be pointless.

it should be noted that baby butts are not porn. Not even close. If they were, they probably wouldn’t show them in diaper commercials during day time tv. While there are some truly awful people out there who might turn it into something terrible in their heads, there are also people out there who fuck trees. So, let’s try and not report all those salacious pictures of forrests cause it made some dude in oregon’s dick hard.

I’ve only had one other picture ever taken down from instagram. It was early on in my posting. I was in my dads art studio and he had this crazy old bulletin board covered with awesome past cards. On it were funny sayings, pictures of art and random old doodles. One of those pictures was a photo of a post card of a DRAWING that had a nude woman on it. Specifically, her hairy bush. It wasn’t even the focal point. It was, however, a postcard of a famous painting that no doubt hangs in one of those most respected museums on earth and it’s probably worth more than the apartment I live in. but, nope, it had a naked women in it so it got reported and taken down. Keep in mind, this wasn’t even a real naked women but a drawing of one. It blew my mind at the time but then I thought about it and it made sense. Everything is porn to some people. It reminded me of this awesome David cross bit about when John Ashcroft felt necessary to cover up the nude chest of Lady justice:

It’s ridiculous. All of it. But this is the world we live in. Ironically, I’m sure there is someone telling their friend how he saw a picture on instagram of a 9 month old stripper and he’s very likely finishing his statement the same way: “This is the world we live in”. The difference is, the world that guy lives in needs to be safe guarded to a point that he might as well live inside a fucking marshmellow. So to that person and people like him/her, stop. If you don’t like something , turn it off, change the channel or unfollow it. Whatever the case, leave me and every other marginally sane adult the fuck out of it. There are real creeps out there doing creepy things all over the place. You’re busy turning people in for jaywalking. Pick your battles but, most of all, mind your business. It’s really not that hard.

Answers for questions vol. 188

What’s up,
Welcome back. I hope your long weekend was satisfying. Mine was extra long as my brother got married. Congrats to Nice and Michelle! In other news, it’s warm out.
So, this is where you guys throw me questions and I answer them. The thing about this column is that it cannot exist without you. so, if you’d like to become part of the magic, I’mma need to to send me questions. Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at Either or. Be creative. Be weird. My answers are only as good as the questions you ask.
So, let’s get into this weeks batch.

How do you “feel” about the following term?

Hmmm…I don’t really feel one way or another about it. It’s a word that has so any different meanings to so many different people it’s kind of impossible for me to pin point a feeling it gives me. For every Gloria Steinem there’s a Courtney Stodden, and both of them consider themselves “feminists”. Who’s to say what it really is? (Though, I’d guess it’s leaning HEAVILY towards Steinem and away from the demented child bride with the huge fake tits).

I doubt you’ll answer this question but, I’m assuming you quit weed, but when I smoke it helps me create really interesting beats and melodies. Have any other drugs inspired your music (not saying that marijuana is necessarily an inspiration for your music)? I’m just curious because I feel that marijuana can help create some pretty dope music, by helping bring out several ideas in such persons mind. I really like how your music kinda has this underlying melancholic feel to it.

The only thing weed ever did for me, musically, was either help me enjoy listening to it more or help my freestyles when i used to rap. Back when I smoked, I tried making beats and they never came out well. While i was making them, in my mind, I was making the best shit ever then, the next day when I’d revisit them sober, I’d realize they were not only bad, but they were mixed terribly and out of tune.
As for other drugs, I never tried or wanted to. It’s not like I’m gonna pop some mushrooms and then make a beat. If I’m tripping on shrooms, I’m gonna wanna be doing other shit. Though, I have often wondered what the outcome of that would be. I recall trying to write rhymes when I was shrooming and that didn’t work at all.
Basically, I’m just not one of those functional drug guys. If I do them, I’m not trying to add any element of responsibility or focus to them. And under rated thing about making beats (for me at least) is that there’s a type of math involved. Critical thinking as well. And I’m trying to do either of those things when I’m high.

If the following individuals can be so bad at their respective ages, why you gotta be such a wimp about getting old at 37?


Well, for one, I’m not them. That’s a start. I can’t even touch my toes. So those old flexible motherfuckers are just a different breed of human than me. As for buff senior guy, that looks photoshopped. I really hope it’s photoshopped. Or, better yet, he’s only 35 and has just lived a drug fueled party life and his face has aged terribly. Also, genetics.

Hypothetically, who would be a more inappropriately matched celebrity couple to you – Orlando Bloom & Selena Gomez or Miranda Kerr & Justin Bieber?

Bloom and gomez. Sure, he’s a older than her and probably very different in all ways but men have been known to “date cute”. A really handsome dude dating a very cute (but not stunningly beautiful) girl is not abnormal. Meanwhile, A 6 foot tall model dating a 5’7” wigger asshole was only really a thing in the 90’s. Beibz couldn’t bag a girl like that. He does way better with girls who are shorter than him that pose on instagram in their underwear. I feel as that most women, past a certain age, see through the “Bieber mystique”. He’s like a “rebel” in the eyes of girls who have never met a real rebel. He’s basically the pop singer version of this little prick:

Have you ever been chubby? What age were you when you were at your heaviest?

You mean aside from this very moment? Yes.
In 5th grade, before i started growing, I was kinda chubby.
Screen shot 2014-05-27 at 9.42.58 AM
I was also one of those slob ass kids who refused to bath regularly and wore the same clothes for a week in a row. My principal actually pulled me into her office once and told me “Look Tony, You’re a cute kid but you gotta get it together. You’re dirty and your clothes are disgusting…” It was surreal…but, on the same tip, my friends older sister saw my unintentionally ripped jeans and told me they were really cool so, you know, there was definitely two sides to it.
But the heaviest I’ve ever been was 210. Probably 5 years ago. I generally weigh between like 198-204 so, thus far, it’s never gotten totally out of control. That said, I’m in the midst of a serious long term injury (torn abdomen muscle) that’s made it impossible for me to exercise with any regularity since the beginning of the year so i might top that 210 in the very near future. Yay! Kill me.

Just saw a documentary about The Big East Bball leauge the players were amazing, coaches were characters and the games were insanely entertaining with the rivalries and so on getting so intense. Did you go to or watch any of these games what was it like vs a regular NBA game?
Who did you root for?

I don’t fuck with college sports at all. Not in the slightest. Not even the final four. i tried watching a little of it but it was simply just not good enough basketball. The drop off in talent between that and pro basketball is so vast, it’s crazy. I get that people like the “rough around the edges” and the “at least they’re not overpayed athletes!” aspects of it but, for me, I want to see the best players play. Not a bunch of kids who took a science test earlier that day.

I’ve got a really really pressing question:

I use to track my music and check my profile every so often to make sure I’m keeping my hipster cred (although never actually tell me I’m a hipster, I’ll deny it). Recently I’ve been having an issue where I’ll be listening to an artist whose name is shared with a modern, more popular artist. As an example, I love “Ball of Eyes” by the jazz-rock band Placebo, but it scrobbles as being by some alternative-rock band. Similarly, I’ve been bumping “Original Man” by the prog-rock group Riff Raff, and I’m sure you can see the problems I get into there.

I don’t really have this issue with the bulk of my music, since U.K. Garage and Witch House producers usually have the decency to at least pick a name that no sane artist trying to get ahead would have.

What should I do to fix this situation? I’m loosing hipster cred by the minute. Please help!

Oh man. That’s tough. How have you been able to sleep at night? What will your witch house friends think? Holy shit, can you imagine what they say about you at the bi-weekly Witch house tea party? I bet they’re all like “umm…did you see Kyle’s LastFM scrobbles? umm…hellooooooooo….not even half of them had upside letters and spell black like “BLVCK”.” Dude, I feel your pain. I think what you might need to do is just stop listening to the prog rock Riff Raff and just take the loss. Otherwise, who are you really? I’ve seen people get their cool guy license revoked for less!

Fuck/marry/kill Vol. 35

Welcome once again to a world of love, sex and murder. It’s a game we’ve all played on some level. Well, maybe not the murder part but that’s what makes it fun.
Anyway, as always, i’m compelled to preface all this with the disclaimer “This is not serious” cause, inevitably, someone gets upset that this game even exists. If you find it belittling to women, just know the only reason I don’t play the game using men is cause , as a straight guy, it’s impossible for me gauge wanting to fuck one man more than another. I wont to not fuck them all equally.
Anyway, if you would like to throw me some F/M/K options, leave them in the comment section below. I’m always looking for new , interesting combos. Be creative. Not Lady gaga, madonna or Katie Perry. We’ve been down those roads already. Get weird with it.
So, let’s get into this weeks bounty.

F/M/K- The “Women Taller Than You” EDITION:
Aisha Tyler, Kimora Lee Simmons, Uma Thurman

(Side note, I’m as tall or taller than all these women but point made)

Marry: Aisha Tyler
It’s been discussed on here before that I don’t exactly love tall girls. Something about my feet touching another persons feet while making out in a bed just is a huge turnoff to me. Not to mention the tangling of long arms and legs. Just not my thing. That said, I BEEN loving Aisha Tyler since her Talk Soup days. She’s super pretty and pretty much one of the cooler ladies on the planet. Without question I would wife her up. Throw a ring on her long ass finger and beg her never to wear heels around me.

Fuck: Kimora Lee simmons
This was tough cause Kimora has been looking kinda crazy lately. I dunno if it’s botox or just getting older but he face seems to be inflating in a really odd way. Still, she’s a pretty hot woman. Also, she looks a lot like a girl I once slept with who also happened to be the tallest girl I ever hooked up with. That girl was hot so, in a way, this pick is based entirely on nostalgia. A time when Kimora was still really fly and I had sex with that girl that one time. Side story about that girl: She was a coke head and she literally stopped mid sex to go to the bathroom and do a line. Not exactly a huge turn on. I bet Kimora would never do that cause she’s classy.

Kill: Uma Thurman
Uma has always been a weird one for me. I’ve seen her look good but, more often, I’ve seen her look not so good. I actually sorta knew her bother a little in high school and went to his house for a party once. His family has semi nude pictures of her all around the house (she was a model at the time and they were extreme hippie types). It was weird. Anyway, she’s definitely pretty but there has always been something about her that was an issue for me. Her hands. Uma got big hands. Like…HUGE hands. Hands so big, I once started a twitter hashtag #umagotbighands (though maybe it was something different cause I can’t find any of those tweets now). I recently learned that a lot of girls pay attention to men’s hands and i had never really considered that. Turns out , in extreme cases, we look at your hands as well, ladies. So, if you look like you can palm a globe, it’s a no go. Admittedly, it’s a shallow reason to off someone but that’s the name of the game. #umagotbighands

Fatty Foods Edition:
Poutine, Buffalo Wings, Nachos

Fuck: Nachos
I think, if prepared right, I could actually literally fuck a plate of nachos. I love nachos. I think we all do. Part of the beauty of them is that there is a lot of versatility in how can prepare them. You would think that might lend to me marrying them but, the reality of nachos is, it’s not a real meal. It’s an appetizer. I’ve never ordered some nacho’s and called it a day. I’ve also never ordered nacho’s for one. It’s something you share. So, as good as they are, they’re without question a part time lover.

Kill: Poutine
The canadian person who submitted this question loves to bring Canada into everything. Thus, poutine is here. Listen, Poutine is delicious. No doubt. Gravy cheese fries (yes, I know it’s curds, calm down), If I lived in Montreal, I’m sure I’d drunkly eat it once a week and feel terrible about it the next day. The thing is, for some reason, it rings a bell of “this is TOO unhealthy”. I realize nachos and buffalo wings are probably right up there with them but…I dunno…just the way they make you feel after eating them is enough for me to flick the kill switch. It’s like swallowing a bunch of bricks. It’s the type of food that, when you wake up the morning after, you still feel too full. Not a fan of that so I gotta put Poutine to it’s eternal rest. Also, any food that is eaten 95% of time by drunk people is seriously lacking in versatility and depth.

Marry: Buffalo Wings
Goddamnit , I love wings. If they were not so completely terrible for me, I’d eat them 3 or 4 times a week. IF the nutritional value of a bag of baby carrots could somehow trade with buffalo wings…I’d be out here with a glazed red face, smelling like blue cheese and tabasco sauce, 24 hours a day. I recognize that Buffalo wings are limited in that they are just chicken wings (By calling them buffalo wings, this is excluding all the other type of chicken wing preparations) but fuck all that noise. Sometimes, something is so good it doesn’t need all the bells and whistles. Sure, You may be able to literally throw anything on nacho’s, but they’ll never be as good as a fantastic buffalo wing. Not even NAchos with buffalo wings on top. Sorry, brah…they just won’t be.

The Throwback Thursday Edition: Claire Danes / Keri Russell / Neve Campbell

Marry: Keri Russell
This is kinda like the battle of the moderately but undeniably attractive girls who lacked any speck of sexiness. All three of these girls are ones I’ve never even thought of in a particularly sexual way. I think I choose to marry Keri Russell cause I’ve actually seen her walking around my neighborhood before and , in person, she is a adorable. She’s one of those girls you see on a screen and think “whatever…” but then you realize, if you knew her in real life, you’d love her. The sad part is that it took me seeing her in person to realize that so she has an unfair advantage here. But, whatever, she’s actual wifey material ,in a real world sense.

Fuck: Neve Campbell
I really only chose her cause I am 100% not attracted to Claire Danes. Neve Campbell is okay I guess. She’s certainly pretty. But, like I mentioned earlier, she’s lacking sexiness. That said, she was in “Wild things” and she tried to strut her stuff a little in that. She made it with a girl, yo! Whatever the case, i’d be an asshole to say she’s not a pretty girl and i’ve certainly done worse in real life than Neve Campbell. Not to mention, I’d say she’s gotten better with age, which isn’t exactly commonplace. sooooo…yeah. SEX!

Kill: Claire Danes
This works on a few levels. I’ve never ever ever ever though she was cute. Something about the angularity of her face. It’s all bulbous or something. But , beyond that, I kinda loath her acting. It’s gotten better on “Homeland” , in the sense that she’s really good at having long term panic attacks but, prior to that? ughh…”My so called life” may be a really important TV show for a lot of people in my age bracket cause they related deeply to it but, as a man who didn’t grow up in the suburbs or go to a school where everyone was depressed , awkward and/or on drugs, I got no patience for that bullshit. Her character ,in particular, rubbed me the wrong way. Not cause it reminded me of girls i knew that I didn’t like but cause it didn’t remind me…of anyone. She was just some annoying girl who bulged her eyes out a lot. I’d lend that to the character but, really, it’s her. So, I’d have to end…her so called life. Hi-yoooooo!

F/M/K Juice ,Menace II Society ,Boyz n The Hood

Fuck: Juice
is Juice a good movie? I don’t even know anymore. I loved it when it came out but I was also a kid and someone who loved all things rap related. I feel like it may have aged poorly…but whatever. It’s an iconic movie from my teenaged years and that will always hold a place in my heart. It’s like the Christina Applegate of movies. Back then, there was no one hotter to me but when I see her pics from back then now I wonder what I was thinking. Still, because of that era left such an imprint on my brain, I’ll always be down for Applegate. Juice is the same way. So, I’ll fuck it.

Kill: Boyz in the Hood
When this movie came out, it blew everyone away. Like all my peers, I loved it. I saw it like 3 times in the theater. Problem is, it’s a terrible movie. Like REALLY bad. While “Juice” may not have aged well, “Boyz in the hood” is an example of something being the first of it’s kind so it got a pass. Once the smoke cleared and I had some time to reflect on it, it was clear that “BITH” was basically an after school special about compton. I’m talking terrible dialogue, lame characters, over acting and corny plot lines. It’s a REALLY bad movie. If you’re reading this and getting pissy cause it’s your shit, I urge you, watch it again. I was once like you. I loved this movie. But time had been a cruel bitch to this film and as soon as “Menace II society” came out, “BITH” was irrelevant. Seriously…watch it again. SO BAD.

Marry: Menace II Society
In the 90’s, the “hood” movie was a huge deal. While “Boyz in the hood” started it, Menace shut the door. It remains pretty much the only film in the entire genre (from that era) that was actually a high quality film. Sure, it wasn’t without it’s faults but it was kinda like a Public enemy album in a sea of Kid n’ Play albums. While BITH opened our eyes to that whole lifestyle, Menace made it feel real. Not to mention it looked better, was written better, had better acting and was just better in every other way imaginable. To this day, if it’s on, I’ll watch it. So, for that, i put a ring on it.

Rogglecast 11- Daffy Bobcat

We are back! Scheduling has been a cruel bitch for us but Pollyne and I have returned with a good one. This week, we discuss if Thicke is a sucker for love and lovable sucker. We also cover drinking. We love it so much but it’s also the worst. Also, we answer some questions (if you’d like us to answer anything, send them over to me at It’s a fun one…just happy to be back.
Oh, and I should add that the song we end with may be my finest work yet. PLATINUM HITZZZZZ

Answers for questions vol. 187

Hey there. Is it summer? Starting to feel like summer. More importantly, is it bare midriff season yet? I hope so. Not for me to wear them but, you know what I mean.
Anyway, welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. If you’d like to take part in this legacy, join in. Send me questions at or simply leave them in the comment section below. I accept all questions but prefer ones with a little creativity. Come on, you know you can do it.
So, let’s get into this weeks batch and see what’s popping.

Would you rather have all of your clothing come from Hot Topic so you look like some lame ass 90s Raver for the rest of your life OR would you agree to eat your own feces once a year. No one would know you had to eat it so socially you’d be OK but each year on New Years Eve you would have to sneak off and consume your own shit?

This is tough cause, while dressing like a 90’s raver would be humiliating, it would also be extremely comfortable. I was speaking to a friend just yesterday who was talking about how the 90’s is coming back, style wise, and all I could think about was “Oh man…the comfort of baggy clothing…I miss it so much”. As for the shit eating, it depends how much shit. Like If I could swallow a capsule full of it once a year, I might be willing to do that. I’d imagine , even that would make me pretty sick though but that would easily be better than looking like an old raver until I die. But If I had to eat an entire dump with a knife and fork (or maybe even just a spoon), that would be a problem for me. I’d Imagine I’d get sick before, during and after. Like, REALLY sick. Hmmm…You know what, I think I’ll go with the raver clothing and just try to own it. I’d be that guy in his early 60’s , rocking JNCO’s and a visor. Killing the game.
Side note, I wonder what the cut off in age for is in the rave world that old dudes can still get laid within that scene? Sometime , shows I play are strangely rave like and I’ll see some people a good ten years older than me , dancing and dressing like children. If THOSE guys are still getting action than that makes the first option even more doable.

What’s up Blockhead, I was just wondering how your music sounds so clean and polished. I know a lot of that comes from the mixing and final mastering, but since your music is mainly sample-based how do you get that to sound so clean? I don’t hear any of the vinyl crackle or anything and it frustrates me trying to get my samples to sound so clean in my sp-404. I realize this might be one of those secrets to keep to yourself but if you could shed any light on how to get sample-based productions to sound polished or where I could go to learn about it, I would really appreciate it.

I never really thought about that. I guess it’s clean cause, if I come across a particularly crusty record, I don’t sample from it. I actually like a little vinyl crackle mixed in there. Another thing you might be ignoring is filters. They make a huge difference when cleaning up sounds. Basically, if you have a sample and want a certain aspect of it to be the focal point, you can filter out highs, lows, and mids accordingly. That can definitely help tidy up a crusty ass loop.

No one can know for sure, yet I just have this “feeling” that the type of pain women feel when they’re period cramping is exceptionally similar to how men feel when they’re hit in the balls. For funsies…can you please describe what it feels like to get sacked in that area?
(In my mind, the range of pain is different: I think women can feel it very mildly with light cramps all the way to (probably) excruciating with contractions – whereas it would be more of a consistent level of pain for men – but I think the sensation is most likely the exact same.)

I would argue that the pain men feel when being hit in the balls is MUCH more extreme when the contact happens but , obviously, way more fleeting. I say this cause if women felt like they got kicked in the balls during period cramps, you’d see women rolling around on the ground holding their uterus all over the place. Like grocery store isles and waiting on line at the bank. Unless you ALL do that in the privacy of your home. Do you? If so, that’s an amazingly well kept secret of suffering.
As for how it feels to be hit in the balls. It fucking hurts. It’s immobilizing (that’s why you ladies should do it anytime a dude is attacking you. No man can not feel it so it’s fool proof). It’s a swelling plain that crescendos. At first, there is the immediate pain but also a bit of fear cause you realize what’s in store. As the body realizes what has happens, the pain vibrates in your nutsuck and seemingly sends pain every which way. Your groin feels it but it really settles in your stomach. It doesn’t feel like some one punched you in the stomach. It feels kinda like there is a hand inside your gut aggressively rattling your stomach muscles. All you can do is wait it out. The best I can describe the pain is “vibrating”. It goes in waves and it’s relentless until it finally fades. I should also add that getting kicked hard and getting lightly tapped in the right spot hurt the same. Only difference is the hard kick will hurt for longer. The light tap on the nuts is almost work cause that pain swells when you expect it not to. A good visual to explain the pain would be like ringing an old bell. The way that sound resonates is very similar to how our balls feel and how the pain lingers.

I have seen Aesop live twice now, and one thing that has struck me unique about his on-stage style is the way he moves his body. Hard to put into words – but it’s like he subtly moves his arms/legs in order to tap into this intrinsic metronome to get into that certain head space (no matter where he’s playing). At first I thought it was for nerve-calming, which I bet it is, but the even “realler” reason is to calm higher order brain activity in order to recall all that lyrical material. Anyways, I’m obviously not a rapper but (ahem) I am seriously one of the baddest bitches when it comes to memorization skills. And what a lot of people misunderstand about that is they assume when I’m put on the spot to recall things, that I’m trying to get my brain to work so hard, when in reality it’s the total opposite.

A) What is your take about how Aesop Rock moves on stage? Do you also think it’s related to calming his nerves & the ability to concentrate?

B) Has he ever had a physical injury that you know of while being on tour or doing a show that has ever affected his performance?

Very strange question. Have you not seen many rap shows? Rappers all have a style in which they move on stage and body language while delivering their lyrics. Aesop’s is actually a style I’ve seen MULTIPLE rappers bite. It’s actually an underrated aspect of his live performance cause people have been copying it for years. As for your questions,
1)I think he looks cool up there. I don’t think it’s nerve related whatsoever. I think he knows exactly what he’s doing and has cultivated that style over the years. While, Im sure part of it, stems from the type of rapping he does (I mean, shit, can you imagine remembering all those fucking words?!!?) but , to me, it’s a presence of full on confidence. I’m sure concentration comes in there too. Ever see Percee P rap? He does this finger pointing thing where it looks like he’s playing an air saxaphone with every syllable. I’d imagine that’s just how rappers visualize their words sometimes. Go to around 1:19 and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

2)Hmm…not that I know of. He’s been hurt and sick before but I can’t recall him being on the road with a serious injury. But, then again, he and I have only toured together once so I really couldn’t tell you with 100% certainty.

Which classic girlfriend trait would you say is more irritating or annoying to you:

A) “I’ll be ready to go in 15mins!* just need to change outfits and put on some makeup” *Otherwise known as 37-42 real time minutes


B) Sneaking in a comment/joke* while watching an episode of his favorite show
*mostly staying quiet, but mentioning one or two things juuust at that moment where it ruins the subtle nuances of an intense scene

Oh, A by a landslide. I LOATH waiting. But worse than that, I hate poor time management. Reason being, I’m one of those early to everything types (I’m actually highly OCD about being timely so it’s even worse for me) and I’m generally ready to go in like 2 minutes tops. Like, if I had to gather all my shit and be out the house in 5 minutes cause there was a fire, I could do that easily. I’ve never had a GF who didn’t take a long time to get her shit together and it’s always annoying. Not just girlfriends though..girls in general. I realize they need more time for prepping but I just wish they’d learn to start earlier than they think they need to…cause , like the question says, 15 minutes is never 15 minutes.
The second thing is annoying but I don’t really think of that as a classic girlfriend trait. I actually know way more dudes who do that. Or the variation of it where you’re trying to watch something with a group of people and that one asshole is clearly too ADD to focus so he tries to carry on conversations during crucial parts of the show. That shit is fucking annoying…but at least dvr exists now. I can always watch it again. Where as, waiting to leave? I’ll never get that time back.

what albumed song of yours took the most amount of working hours to make? least amount?

whats an imaginary genre of music you think might exist in say 2050?

I honestly don’t know. My songs get made over long periods of times and out of order. When I make an album, I’m usually pulling from a well of finished beats I had worked on since the last album…so that work was done a long time ago. I will say that , on my last album, the song “Beyond reach” took me a long time to put together.

I had some major issues with the break between the verses that I had to really figure out like a math equation.
As for least amount? It’s hard to say. A Song like Serenade was pretty simple. It had like 3 parts and all I had to do was find the right sequencing.

As for the second question, I bet the genre’s that exist with be mostly drone like. Like , for mellow people, a one note hum sound with some sort of sparse percussion on it. Think “Bjork but with less musicality”. Or for the more aggressive people, it’ll be like a static sound with industrial drums. In other words, music is gonna REALLY suck in 25 years.

expanding on the idea of you putting out your next album on your own (if it comes to that) – why wouldnt you just do that? cut the middle man and just bandcamp it or something.
in this day and age is the label doing much to even earn that cut? seems like you’ve developed a pretty loyal fanbase, and have also fostered a really strong social media relationship with them (via this, FB, twitter, etc) – such that it would be pretty easy / lucrative (?) to just drop it and promote it yourself?

I would rather not do it cause it’s a pain in the ass and I’m lazy. I didn’t get into music to have to deal with the business side. It’s unavoidable but, if I can, I like to limit that aspect of it as much as possible. Also, it costs money. I mean, i could just put an album out into the ether and a few people will check it out. I might sell a few thousand copies with no promotion outside of myself…but I’d rather spread the word further and that can’t be done without spending some money. The idea of losing money on an album is infuriating. I’ve only just come to terms with accepting that, as a musician in this day and age, no one buys shit and albums are basically just promotional material for touring but to lose money on the actual art I create? Fuck that. I’d rather break even with a label and make my money touring than cover all the costs myself (Press, getting vinyl/cd’s made, etc…). as well as deal with all the minutia (radio play, licensing, artwork, getting it on digital download sites) that you don’t even consider when making music.
That said, we shall see. If I put it out myself, it’s cause that was my only option. I’m hoping that won’t become a reality but if it does, I’ll deal with it. It’s not the end of the world.

Peep this remix I did for Little People!


Oh this, pic^ No Big deal. Just Little people and myself posing with a 7 foot tall man cat. Shout out to that guy.
Anyway, He and I met on tour and had a great time. From there a friendship was born and from that friendship (and mutual respect for each others work) , this remix was birthed.
It’s the premier songs from his upcoming Remix album called “We are but hunks of wood remixes”. Peep “Wonderland” Featuring the talented January Thompson.

This week in ridiculous rap: Dhananjay The First

This one is confusing. I’m kinda torn as to how real this is. Cause this guy is either really laser focused and hilarious or a totally lost soul. I honestly can’t tell anymore.

So, for the sake of this column, I’mma go with “he’s a totally lost soul” just cause it’s way funnier that way. When it comes to finding the next Andy Kaufman, I tend to think bad youtube rap videos are not where you’re gonna unearth him.

So, this fucking guy. No clue where he’s from (he mentions “grenelle” but I’m pretty sure he’s not french). No clue what his angle is but he’s something. In a music scene that is scarce when it comes to Indian rappers (Heems and Big Baby Ghandi are the only two I can think of off the top of my head), this guy is really moving in his own lane. He’s got a voice that sounds like it should be auto-tuned but isn’t. He’s got the presence on the mike of a dude shyly rapping behind a well placed fern plant. But I’ll be damned if he doesn’t have something. Also, HUGE drake fan. Huge.

For more info…here’s an interview he did with Noisey.

Ever been grapefruited by a bobcat?

I used to “date” this girl I affectionately referred to as “The bobcat”. She got this name by being a…well…toothy lover. Yesterday I saw a video that introduced me to a new type of bobcat. In fact, pretty much the opposite of that girl I used to hook up with. Just a heads up (no pun intended), this is HIGHLY NSW. I’m saying, if you’re sitting in your godforsaken cubicle , this is a no go. For so many reasons.

Bless this woman. Looking like a sexually invigorated version of Roc’s wife, this lady is serious about her pleasure giving. After seeing this, I immediately went into “find out everything on earth about this person” mode. Well, she’s for real. She’s an intimacy expert. She’s got a website and she sells her insights.
A little more digging and this video popped up
Wow. I mean…WOW. This woman terrifies me but, at the same time, there is no denying her technique. I don’t doubt being the guy who receives her “gift” is special. I’m speechless.