What’s up,
Welcome back. I hope your long weekend was satisfying. Mine was extra long as my brother got married. Congrats to Nice and Michelle! In other news, it’s warm out.
So, this is where you guys throw me questions and I answer them. The thing about this column is that it cannot exist without you. so, if you’d like to become part of the magic, I’mma need to to send me questions. Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Either or. Be creative. Be weird. My answers are only as good as the questions you ask.
So, let’s get into this weeks batch.

How do you “feel” about the following term?
feminist

Hmmm…I don’t really feel one way or another about it. It’s a word that has so any different meanings to so many different people it’s kind of impossible for me to pin point a feeling it gives me. For every Gloria Steinem there’s a Courtney Stodden, and both of them consider themselves “feminists”. Who’s to say what it really is? (Though, I’d guess it’s leaning HEAVILY towards Steinem and away from the demented child bride with the huge fake tits).

I doubt you’ll answer this question but, I’m assuming you quit weed, but when I smoke it helps me create really interesting beats and melodies. Have any other drugs inspired your music (not saying that marijuana is necessarily an inspiration for your music)? I’m just curious because I feel that marijuana can help create some pretty dope music, by helping bring out several ideas in such persons mind. I really like how your music kinda has this underlying melancholic feel to it.

The only thing weed ever did for me, musically, was either help me enjoy listening to it more or help my freestyles when i used to rap. Back when I smoked, I tried making beats and they never came out well. While i was making them, in my mind, I was making the best shit ever then, the next day when I’d revisit them sober, I’d realize they were not only bad, but they were mixed terribly and out of tune.
As for other drugs, I never tried or wanted to. It’s not like I’m gonna pop some mushrooms and then make a beat. If I’m tripping on shrooms, I’m gonna wanna be doing other shit. Though, I have often wondered what the outcome of that would be. I recall trying to write rhymes when I was shrooming and that didn’t work at all.
Basically, I’m just not one of those functional drug guys. If I do them, I’m not trying to add any element of responsibility or focus to them. And under rated thing about making beats (for me at least) is that there’s a type of math involved. Critical thinking as well. And I’m trying to do either of those things when I’m high.

If the following individuals can be so bad at their respective ages, why you gotta be such a wimp about getting old at 37?

Well, for one, I’m not them. That’s a start. I can’t even touch my toes. So those old flexible motherfuckers are just a different breed of human than me. As for buff senior guy, that looks photoshopped. I really hope it’s photoshopped. Or, better yet, he’s only 35 and has just lived a drug fueled party life and his face has aged terribly. Also, genetics.

Hypothetically, who would be a more inappropriately matched celebrity couple to you - Orlando Bloom & Selena Gomez or Miranda Kerr & Justin Bieber?

Bloom and gomez. Sure, he’s a older than her and probably very different in all ways but men have been known to “date cute”. A really handsome dude dating a very cute (but not stunningly beautiful) girl is not abnormal. Meanwhile, A 6 foot tall model dating a 5’7” wigger asshole was only really a thing in the 90’s. Beibz couldn’t bag a girl like that. He does way better with girls who are shorter than him that pose on instagram in their underwear. I feel as that most women, past a certain age, see through the “Bieber mystique”. He’s like a “rebel” in the eyes of girls who have never met a real rebel. He’s basically the pop singer version of this little prick:

Have you ever been chubby? What age were you when you were at your heaviest?

You mean aside from this very moment? Yes.
In 5th grade, before i started growing, I was kinda chubby.

I was also one of those slob ass kids who refused to bath regularly and wore the same clothes for a week in a row. My principal actually pulled me into her office once and told me “Look Tony, You’re a cute kid but you gotta get it together. You’re dirty and your clothes are disgusting…” It was surreal…but, on the same tip, my friends older sister saw my unintentionally ripped jeans and told me they were really cool so, you know, there was definitely two sides to it.
But the heaviest I’ve ever been was 210. Probably 5 years ago. I generally weigh between like 198-204 so, thus far, it’s never gotten totally out of control. That said, I’m in the midst of a serious long term injury (torn abdomen muscle) that’s made it impossible for me to exercise with any regularity since the beginning of the year so i might top that 210 in the very near future. Yay! Kill me.

Just saw a documentary about The Big East Bball leauge the players were amazing, coaches were characters and the games were insanely entertaining with the rivalries and so on getting so intense. Did you go to or watch any of these games what was it like vs a regular NBA game?
Who did you root for?

I don’t fuck with college sports at all. Not in the slightest. Not even the final four. i tried watching a little of it but it was simply just not good enough basketball. The drop off in talent between that and pro basketball is so vast, it’s crazy. I get that people like the “rough around the edges” and the “at least they’re not overpayed athletes!” aspects of it but, for me, I want to see the best players play. Not a bunch of kids who took a science test earlier that day.

I’ve got a really really pressing question:

What should I do to fix this situation? I’m loosing hipster cred by the minute. Please help!

Oh man. That’s tough. How have you been able to sleep at night? What will your witch house friends think? Holy shit, can you imagine what they say about you at the bi-weekly Witch house tea party? I bet they’re all like “umm…did you see Kyle’s LastFM scrobbles? umm…hellooooooooo….not even half of them had upside letters and spell black like “BLVCK”.” Dude, I feel your pain. I think what you might need to do is just stop listening to the prog rock Riff Raff and just take the loss. Otherwise, who are you really? I’ve seen people get their cool guy license revoked for less!

Hey there. Is it summer? Starting to feel like summer. More importantly, is it bare midriff season yet? I hope so. Not for me to wear them but, you know what I mean.
Anyway, welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask, I answer. If you’d like to take part in this legacy, join in. Send me questions at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or simply leave them in the comment section below. I accept all questions but prefer ones with a little creativity. Come on, you know you can do it.
So, let’s get into this weeks batch and see what’s popping.

Would you rather have all of your clothing come from Hot Topic so you look like some lame ass 90s Raver for the rest of your life OR would you agree to eat your own feces once a year. No one would know you had to eat it so socially you’d be OK but each year on New Years Eve you would have to sneak off and consume your own shit?

This is tough cause, while dressing like a 90’s raver would be humiliating, it would also be extremely comfortable. I was speaking to a friend just yesterday who was talking about how the 90’s is coming back, style wise, and all I could think about was “Oh man…the comfort of baggy clothing…I miss it so much”. As for the shit eating, it depends how much shit. Like If I could swallow a capsule full of it once a year, I might be willing to do that. I’d imagine , even that would make me pretty sick though but that would easily be better than looking like an old raver until I die. But If I had to eat an entire dump with a knife and fork (or maybe even just a spoon), that would be a problem for me. I’d Imagine I’d get sick before, during and after. Like, REALLY sick. Hmmm…You know what, I think I’ll go with the raver clothing and just try to own it. I’d be that guy in his early 60’s , rocking JNCO’s and a visor. Killing the game.
Side note, I wonder what the cut off in age for is in the rave world that old dudes can still get laid within that scene? Sometime , shows I play are strangely rave like and I’ll see some people a good ten years older than me , dancing and dressing like children. If THOSE guys are still getting action than that makes the first option even more doable.

What’s up Blockhead, I was just wondering how your music sounds so clean and polished. I know a lot of that comes from the mixing and final mastering, but since your music is mainly sample-based how do you get that to sound so clean? I don’t hear any of the vinyl crackle or anything and it frustrates me trying to get my samples to sound so clean in my sp-404. I realize this might be one of those secrets to keep to yourself but if you could shed any light on how to get sample-based productions to sound polished or where I could go to learn about it, I would really appreciate it.

I never really thought about that. I guess it’s clean cause, if I come across a particularly crusty record, I don’t sample from it. I actually like a little vinyl crackle mixed in there. Another thing you might be ignoring is filters. They make a huge difference when cleaning up sounds. Basically, if you have a sample and want a certain aspect of it to be the focal point, you can filter out highs, lows, and mids accordingly. That can definitely help tidy up a crusty ass loop.

No one can know for sure, yet I just have this “feeling” that the type of pain women feel when they’re period cramping is exceptionally similar to how men feel when they’re hit in the balls. For funsies…can you please describe what it feels like to get sacked in that area?
(In my mind, the range of pain is different: I think women can feel it very mildly with light cramps all the way to (probably) excruciating with contractions – whereas it would be more of a consistent level of pain for men – but I think the sensation is most likely the exact same.)

I would argue that the pain men feel when being hit in the balls is MUCH more extreme when the contact happens but , obviously, way more fleeting. I say this cause if women felt like they got kicked in the balls during period cramps, you’d see women rolling around on the ground holding their uterus all over the place. Like grocery store isles and waiting on line at the bank. Unless you ALL do that in the privacy of your home. Do you? If so, that’s an amazingly well kept secret of suffering.
As for how it feels to be hit in the balls. It fucking hurts. It’s immobilizing (that’s why you ladies should do it anytime a dude is attacking you. No man can not feel it so it’s fool proof). It’s a swelling plain that crescendos. At first, there is the immediate pain but also a bit of fear cause you realize what’s in store. As the body realizes what has happens, the pain vibrates in your nutsuck and seemingly sends pain every which way. Your groin feels it but it really settles in your stomach. It doesn’t feel like some one punched you in the stomach. It feels kinda like there is a hand inside your gut aggressively rattling your stomach muscles. All you can do is wait it out. The best I can describe the pain is “vibrating”. It goes in waves and it’s relentless until it finally fades. I should also add that getting kicked hard and getting lightly tapped in the right spot hurt the same. Only difference is the hard kick will hurt for longer. The light tap on the nuts is almost work cause that pain swells when you expect it not to. A good visual to explain the pain would be like ringing an old bell. The way that sound resonates is very similar to how our balls feel and how the pain lingers.

I have seen Aesop live twice now, and one thing that has struck me unique about his on-stage style is the way he moves his body. Hard to put into words - but it’s like he subtly moves his arms/legs in order to tap into this intrinsic metronome to get into that certain head space (no matter where he’s playing). At first I thought it was for nerve-calming, which I bet it is, but the even “realler” reason is to calm higher order brain activity in order to recall all that lyrical material. Anyways, I’m obviously not a rapper but (ahem) I am seriously one of the baddest bitches when it comes to memorization skills. And what a lot of people misunderstand about that is they assume when I’m put on the spot to recall things, that I’m trying to get my brain to work so hard, when in reality it’s the total opposite.

B) Has he ever had a physical injury that you know of while being on tour or doing a show that has ever affected his performance?

Very strange question. Have you not seen many rap shows? Rappers all have a style in which they move on stage and body language while delivering their lyrics. Aesop’s is actually a style I’ve seen MULTIPLE rappers bite. It’s actually an underrated aspect of his live performance cause people have been copying it for years. As for your questions,
1)I think he looks cool up there. I don’t think it’s nerve related whatsoever. I think he knows exactly what he’s doing and has cultivated that style over the years. While, Im sure part of it, stems from the type of rapping he does (I mean, shit, can you imagine remembering all those fucking words?!!?) but , to me, it’s a presence of full on confidence. I’m sure concentration comes in there too. Ever see Percee P rap? He does this finger pointing thing where it looks like he’s playing an air saxaphone with every syllable. I’d imagine that’s just how rappers visualize their words sometimes. Go to around 1:19 and you’ll see what I’m talking about.

2)Hmm…not that I know of. He’s been hurt and sick before but I can’t recall him being on the road with a serious injury. But, then again, he and I have only toured together once so I really couldn’t tell you with 100% certainty.

Which classic girlfriend trait would you say is more irritating or annoying to you:

B) Sneaking in a comment/joke* while watching an episode of his favorite show
*mostly staying quiet, but mentioning one or two things juuust at that moment where it ruins the subtle nuances of an intense scene

Oh, A by a landslide. I LOATH waiting. But worse than that, I hate poor time management. Reason being, I’m one of those early to everything types (I’m actually highly OCD about being timely so it’s even worse for me) and I’m generally ready to go in like 2 minutes tops. Like, if I had to gather all my shit and be out the house in 5 minutes cause there was a fire, I could do that easily. I’ve never had a GF who didn’t take a long time to get her shit together and it’s always annoying. Not just girlfriends though..girls in general. I realize they need more time for prepping but I just wish they’d learn to start earlier than they think they need to…cause , like the question says, 15 minutes is never 15 minutes.
The second thing is annoying but I don’t really think of that as a classic girlfriend trait. I actually know way more dudes who do that. Or the variation of it where you’re trying to watch something with a group of people and that one asshole is clearly too ADD to focus so he tries to carry on conversations during crucial parts of the show. That shit is fucking annoying…but at least dvr exists now. I can always watch it again. Where as, waiting to leave? I’ll never get that time back.

what albumed song of yours took the most amount of working hours to make? least amount?

whats an imaginary genre of music you think might exist in say 2050?

I honestly don’t know. My songs get made over long periods of times and out of order. When I make an album, I’m usually pulling from a well of finished beats I had worked on since the last album…so that work was done a long time ago. I will say that , on my last album, the song “Beyond reach” took me a long time to put together.

I had some major issues with the break between the verses that I had to really figure out like a math equation.
As for least amount? It’s hard to say. A Song like Serenade was pretty simple. It had like 3 parts and all I had to do was find the right sequencing.

As for the second question, I bet the genre’s that exist with be mostly drone like. Like , for mellow people, a one note hum sound with some sort of sparse percussion on it. Think “Bjork but with less musicality”. Or for the more aggressive people, it’ll be like a static sound with industrial drums. In other words, music is gonna REALLY suck in 25 years.

expanding on the idea of you putting out your next album on your own (if it comes to that) – why wouldnt you just do that? cut the middle man and just bandcamp it or something.
in this day and age is the label doing much to even earn that cut? seems like you’ve developed a pretty loyal fanbase, and have also fostered a really strong social media relationship with them (via this, FB, twitter, etc) – such that it would be pretty easy / lucrative (?) to just drop it and promote it yourself?

I would rather not do it cause it’s a pain in the ass and I’m lazy. I didn’t get into music to have to deal with the business side. It’s unavoidable but, if I can, I like to limit that aspect of it as much as possible. Also, it costs money. I mean, i could just put an album out into the ether and a few people will check it out. I might sell a few thousand copies with no promotion outside of myself…but I’d rather spread the word further and that can’t be done without spending some money. The idea of losing money on an album is infuriating. I’ve only just come to terms with accepting that, as a musician in this day and age, no one buys shit and albums are basically just promotional material for touring but to lose money on the actual art I create? Fuck that. I’d rather break even with a label and make my money touring than cover all the costs myself (Press, getting vinyl/cd’s made, etc…). as well as deal with all the minutia (radio play, licensing, artwork, getting it on digital download sites) that you don’t even consider when making music.
That said, we shall see. If I put it out myself, it’s cause that was my only option. I’m hoping that won’t become a reality but if it does, I’ll deal with it. It’s not the end of the world.