Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 35

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Why, hello there. How’s your life? How’s that guy/girl you’ve been dating/fucking/marrying? Well, I’m Dr. Tony. I have a high school diploma and no background in anything remotely related to doling out advice but, you know what? I try.
If you have any life questions that need guidance and don’t feel like paying for a shrink and/or listening to you dumb ass friends biased advice, I’m your guy. Send them my way. Either Email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. It’s all anonymous and , who knows, I might actually help you figure out whatever lame ass problems you got going on in your life. After all, i don’t know you so I have no reason to not tell it like it is. Makes sense, right?
So, here are this weeks questions…

Hey, Dr. Tony! I’m wondering:

What are your thoughts on getting back with exes? I’ve been considering getting back with an ex, lately, but, I have quite a bit of trepidation.

This girl broke my heart something vicious, and it took a long time to get over her, so fear of that happening again still kind of lingers in my mind. But, more importantly, there’s a part of me that feels like I’m selling myself short.

Thing is, we have an undeniable chemistry, one that I haven’t felt before or since her. And, even though we dated in our early 20s, that connection is still there.

I dunno, maybe if I wasn’t 30, I wouldn’t even be considering it, but, I can’t decide if getting back with her is a good decision or just a delusion

Been there. Done that. Will never do it again.
Check this out…the problem with getting back together with old flames is that we only seem to remember the good parts. You see that person again and feel like it’s brand new. You fondly look back on the rapport , the sex and the over all vibe that drew you to that person in the first place. You have that comfort level (which is something that will often keep couples together in the first place once everything else has withered away). One of the worst parts of meeting new people is that you have to reintroduce yourself to a brand new person. Tell your stories. fill them in on your background. Introduce them to family and friends. So, that daunting process will often make us lazy and take the easy route…an ex.
The thing is, the mind has a way of totally blacking out the bad parts of your past relationship. We forget why we broke up in the first place. You forget those feelings of resent and general disdain you once had for that person cause you’re not thinking straight. Nostalgia is a motherfucker. Now, this could be a little different if you guys broke up on particular terms. Like if it was due to one of you having to move somewhere far away or another similar “it’s out of our hands but we can’t be together” type situation. But, outside of those examples, we must never forget the bad times. Think of those moments you spent sitting in your bed, seething at that person. Or how that person made you feel when they let you down. Even better, focus in on all those annoying traits that used to drive you crazy. Things that you can’t even explain to another person without sounding like an asshole but you know, deep down, they drove you insane. Those are the moments you gotta bring up when an ex comes back around. That said, you should definitely bone each other cause that’s always a lot of fun. Just don’t bring your emotions into it cause then, it’s a wrap for both of you.

So I’m a 23 y/o dude who started seeing this girl (20) who just broke up with her boyfriend. We’ve been talking for about 3 weeks now and hangout almost every day. I joke while drunk that I am just a rebound which she responds I am not and how she really likes me and appreciates that we have a connection even while sober.

3 weeks of chilling and we only done the deed 3 times. One of the times (our first time sober) she may or may not of cried. (I am pretty sure she did even though she denies it when I bring it up). When were drunk she tells me she really likes me a lot but isn’t looking for a relationship. Which I get, her just getting out of a relationship and all.

Anyways In my head I know its not worth the time devoting this amount of effort on a girl not looking for a relationship, yet at the same time shes not putting out enough to constitute a fuck buddy. But I am not drowning in pussy and the once a week affair greatly out does what I am use to getting.

How do I tread? When were not together and shes with other dudes I am alone at home doing not shit. Whether shes banging these dudes, I don’t know. If she is, she is giving it up to them a lot easier then she does me. (these dudes seem to be long established friends so I am not too concerned).

Idk man should I continue to work for something that may potentially become a relationship? While other guys may not have to work so hard? Or should I go back to spending my weekends with “boys night out”(trying to get laid but continuously failing)/playing xbox?

PS she even followed you on twitter because I said you were a funny fucker and I told her your blog is hilarious so I hope she doesn’t read this and if she does….HI!

That’s rough but you gotta just kinda take it for what it is. First off, she’s not looking to settle down. So that’s off the table. Once you accept that as fact, then you’re already in a better place. When a girl says that to a guy, it’s as real as real can be. Not to be confused with a girl who is in a sex-only relationship with a guy she likes, who parrots a guy saying “I’m not looking for anything serious…” on some “Oh yeah, me neither!” shit , even though deep down, she is. In your case, she said it to you and that means it’s authentic.
So, what you gotta do is either ride it out and take it for what it is: occasional sex.
or , if that’s not something your comfortable with, then just leave it alone.
The upside of the first option is that you can have boys nights out and look for other girls and still have sex once in a while with this girl. The only reason that would be a no go, to me, would be if you’re not emotionally ready to be that kinda guy. Which is fine.
Another aspect of this is that you make it sound like she’s fucking all sorts of other dudes. She sounds like she’s in full “I’m a free woman!” mode but she’s also 20 years old. Sounds to me like the last thing she’s looking for is someone else to lock her down. She’s 20, dude. If it were up to me, I’d make a rule that no one under the age of 25 would be allowed to even be in a committed relationship. But, alas, i’m not a god.
Also, it should be noted that a drunk 20 year old girl telling you that she likes you really doesn’t mean much. She might really feel that way but there are clearly way too many distractions for her to ever follow up on that.

Hey Block,

I have a question for you about friendship and mobile communication. Few days ago I visited a big city where some friends of me live. They do not know each other. I wanted to meet them separately. I tried to make appointments, because I had only one and a half day. I thought it must be simple, because everybody is equipped with mobiles, internet…

Yeah – but it went “We can meet in the afternoon”, nobody wanted to decide at which time & which place we could meet. I got some text messages, not signed with a name (unknown mobile number), so I could not see who wanted to meet me. I had to call back or to text back, asking “okay, we could meet at 3, but who are you ?” A friend texted but used two different mobiles. It was soo annoying. I wondered “Do they really want to meet me ?” Okay, in the end I met some of the friends I wanted to see, I was happy to see them, we had a nice time. The time was a bit short, because their decision process took so long time. But why it had to be sooo difficult to decide on time and place ? I discussed this with a friend, a) why is it so difficult to decide ? b) why so extremely unattentive (texting with new mobile without signing with a name, texting cryptical messages…) and he said, it it out of fashion to make decisions, everybody wants to stay flexible, to decide spontaneously. And the bad style in communication, it is only a bad habit, nobody should take it personnally.

But I take it personnally. I think, okaaay, I thought we were really, really good friends, but lets face it, we are not. Am I just oldfashioned ? Maybe it is a new style, a new culture, and I’m left behind ? It is definitly a style which makes things complicated, its stupid. When I grew up (I’m 36) we only had non-mobile phones, it was soo complicated. But now it seems to me even more complicated. Next time I gonna tell my friends “I got no mobile, if you want to meet me, we must agree beforehand about time and place” even if I got a perfectly healthy and working mobile.

I think, friendship is about decision. It is a main point. I must DECIDE which whom I want to spend time. It would be easy to say “Oh, my friends are just lazy dickheads but I like them the way they are”. No, I know definitely the friends in question are not. One of them is a scientist, he is well organized and not lazy. An other friend, she has founded a monthly magazine on her own, she is very, very well organized. And so on. Maybe they are tired of making decisions ?

What do you think about that ?

To make a long story short: My current pet hate is the inability of my friends to decide on appointments via mobile (and their vague messages which drive me crazy). Are they really my friends ? Are they careless because I’m just not important to them ? Or ARE they my friends but I am totally oldfashioned ?

Just a tip, if you’re gonna write “To make a long story short” it should not follow like 5 paragraphs of explanation. Anyway…
Welcome to 2014. This sounds like a handful of different things.
1)Your friends are flakes
Flakey people are THRIVING in the texting era. It gives them an openness they didn’t have 15 years ago. You can vaguely make plans and cancel on a whim 5 minutes before meeting up.
2)Let’s be honest, these people are just close acquaintances.
I’ve got tons of “friends” all over the country. If I’m in their city for one night, I know there are some that will always be down to hang and others that are more about timing and what they have going on in their life. I know, when someone comes to visit NYC that I’m cool with (but not really a close friend with) I MIGHT make an effort to see them but it’s definitely not a priority. Where as, if a close friend comes to town, plans are made and solidified well before they even arrive. Sounds to me like you’re in that latter group of people. Nothing wrong with that but you may just need to temper your expectations of people. They got their own lives to live in the place they live in. Only a good friend will drop everything to make an effort.
3)I don’t think you’re old fashioned. You just sound a little entitled and easily annoyed. I get both those things cause being in a city that isn’t home and not having anywhere to go is the worst. I think the combo of flakey friends and friendships that aren’t that serious is the culprit here. I’d say, in the future, if you want to make these kinda things work, lock down plans. Like call a week in advance and get these people to commit to something more than just “I’ll call you when I’m in town”. Otherwise, it’s as much your fault as it is theirs.

I’ve been a single mom for about a year now, I’m 28 and I think I’m ready to start dipping my toes in the dating pool. Not looking but not not looking. At what point do you think I should tell a guy that I have a 3 year old? Right off the bat? A couple hang outs in?
I mean, on one hand, especially when it relates to dating, I want the person to get to know ME and not just see me as a Mom. (I know if he’s scared off then he’s probably not the right one…blahblahblah but honestly, I’ve been scared off too, before I had my own creature). On the other hand, that’s what I am, day to day, a Mama Bear. Reading over this, it sounds shitty and looks like there’s an obvious answer, but it’s different when you live in your own head. Please solve all of my life problems. kthanksbyeee!

I don’t think there is a definitive answer for this. It depends on what you want from the guy and how comfortable you feel with letting people know that.
If you’re just trying to get laid or have a regular sex partner, then I don’t think he needs to know about it (unless he specifically asks about it). If it’s more serious, then I think you play it by ear. Just don’t be a crazy person and wait to say it right after he’s finished dumping a load inside/around you. You gotta be careful when dropping bombs.
I feel as though it shouldn’t define you as a single woman but it’s also something you can’t sit on for that long. Like i said, if he asks, you have to tell him. If things are picking up steam or you see long term possibilities with a dude, you should tell him before it gets too deep. Basically, having a kid is like having herpes. Just kidding. It’s way worse to not tell a dude you have herpes than not telling him you have a kid. but I digress…
If it’s a dude who’s gonna come over, he’s gonna find out anyway when he trips over that thomas the train engine play set. He’s also gonna wonder why you can’t just go out on a whim whenever. So, yeah…let it out when it feels right but don’t sit on it too long cause then it will come off like a sneak attack.
Side note about young moms, you guys kinda have it great cause you’ve already gotten the baby making part out of the way and , after that, you can truly enjoy your life. Sure, you killed a bunch of years in your 20’s but, still, the arrow is pointing up for young moms.

RoggleCast 12- Standards and Psychopaths

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Two weeks in a row? WE ARE IN THE ZONE!
This week, Pollyne and I get into a variety of topics. We discuss how I don’t know how to buy shirts, how being creepy will always override being handsome, Titty Fucking and a fun thing called the “Area code game”.
It should be mentioned that we are on I-tunes! Subscribe. Give it a high rating! Download it. Tell a friend!
Also , if you wanna ask us questions to answer on the show, leave them in the comments below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com
Okay? Okay.
Peep it…

Stop Snitching: instagram edition.

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Remember the “Stop Snitching” Craze of the early/mid 2000’s? Who can forget that time Cam’ron went on TV and said that, if he knew his neighbor was a serial killer, he’d opt to move , rather than inform the authorities. While I always felt taking it that far was detrimental , I did somewhat agree with the over all theory of people minding their own business.
With that era behind us and snitching being common place on many different levels, it would seem it’s trickled down to a very low level. A pathetic level. Social networks.
Now, there are certainly things that need to be regulated on social networks. I don’t think anyone wants mass amounts of bullying, child porn or ultra violence in their time lines. As with most things, the rules of common decency should be respected. The problem is that when you let regular dipshits police the internet by giving them a “report this for offensive material” button, you’re letting anyone who feels some sorta way about anything control what the rest of the world sees.
So, the other day, I posted this picture on my instagram
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With a caption that read: The stripper at my brother’s bachelor party is really mailing it in
Within 20 minutes, someone had reported it and it was taken down , accompanied by this email
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Now, right after I posted it, someone had commented “Report this”. I assumed they were kidding cause, well, it’s a picture of a cute baby, being cute, with a joke caption. I recognize that the caption could be perceived as risque but, gimmie a fucking break. But just to be sure, I responded “Hey, this is my nephew. He’s not a stripper. It’s a joke #noNAMBLA”
10 minutes later, the picture was taken down and all I wanted to know was which dumb motherfucker saw that and was like “Oh my heavens! That is offensive to my pussy soft sensibilities!” and reported it. I wanted to know so i could ridicule that fucking loser but also so I can block them.
There’s a few point to be drawn from this:
1)Instead of reporting stuff like this (when instagram is literally full of half naked 14 year olds who probably should be reported), just unfollow. It’s so simple. I love that people feel entitled to make judgment calls on behalf of everyone , even though those calls are based entirely on their myopic life view. In this case, a person was offended by a baby’s bottom and an obvious joke. What an asshole.
2)We’ve reached a point where there is a level of puritanical thinking that a 9 month old child’s butt is offensive to someone. If it’s not that, than that means it got taken down cause of the caption, which is even crazier. There’s no accounting for bad taste and, perhaps, my joke was treading those waters but, at the end of the day, it was clearly a joke. And if someone couldn’t see that, that means that a person read that and actually thought I had hired a 9 month old baby to strip at my brother bachelor party. Forget the moral decay that would have to exist for that to even be a thing that people do. Do you know how hard it would be to even teach a baby that can’t walk to use a pole? Come on, son. That’s like teaching a dog how juggle. Regardless, either reason behind reporting a picture like that shows so many layers of “not getting it” that I feel as if trying to explain it to the person who did it would be pointless.

Also,
it should be noted that baby butts are not porn. Not even close. If they were, they probably wouldn’t show them in diaper commercials during day time tv. While there are some truly awful people out there who might turn it into something terrible in their heads, there are also people out there who fuck trees. So, let’s try and not report all those salacious pictures of forrests cause it made some dude in oregon’s dick hard.

I’ve only had one other picture ever taken down from instagram. It was early on in my posting. I was in my dads art studio and he had this crazy old bulletin board covered with awesome past cards. On it were funny sayings, pictures of art and random old doodles. One of those pictures was a photo of a post card of a DRAWING that had a nude woman on it. Specifically, her hairy bush. It wasn’t even the focal point. It was, however, a postcard of a famous painting that no doubt hangs in one of those most respected museums on earth and it’s probably worth more than the apartment I live in. but, nope, it had a naked women in it so it got reported and taken down. Keep in mind, this wasn’t even a real naked women but a drawing of one. It blew my mind at the time but then I thought about it and it made sense. Everything is porn to some people. It reminded me of this awesome David cross bit about when John Ashcroft felt necessary to cover up the nude chest of Lady justice:

It’s ridiculous. All of it. But this is the world we live in. Ironically, I’m sure there is someone telling their friend how he saw a picture on instagram of a 9 month old stripper and he’s very likely finishing his statement the same way: “This is the world we live in”. The difference is, the world that guy lives in needs to be safe guarded to a point that he might as well live inside a fucking marshmellow. So to that person and people like him/her, stop. If you don’t like something , turn it off, change the channel or unfollow it. Whatever the case, leave me and every other marginally sane adult the fuck out of it. There are real creeps out there doing creepy things all over the place. You’re busy turning people in for jaywalking. Pick your battles but, most of all, mind your business. It’s really not that hard.

Answers for questions vol. 188

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What’s up,
Welcome back. I hope your long weekend was satisfying. Mine was extra long as my brother got married. Congrats to Nice and Michelle! In other news, it’s warm out.
So, this is where you guys throw me questions and I answer them. The thing about this column is that it cannot exist without you. so, if you’d like to become part of the magic, I’mma need to to send me questions. Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Either or. Be creative. Be weird. My answers are only as good as the questions you ask.
So, let’s get into this weeks batch.

How do you “feel” about the following term?
feminist

Hmmm…I don’t really feel one way or another about it. It’s a word that has so any different meanings to so many different people it’s kind of impossible for me to pin point a feeling it gives me. For every Gloria Steinem there’s a Courtney Stodden, and both of them consider themselves “feminists”. Who’s to say what it really is? (Though, I’d guess it’s leaning HEAVILY towards Steinem and away from the demented child bride with the huge fake tits).

I doubt you’ll answer this question but, I’m assuming you quit weed, but when I smoke it helps me create really interesting beats and melodies. Have any other drugs inspired your music (not saying that marijuana is necessarily an inspiration for your music)? I’m just curious because I feel that marijuana can help create some pretty dope music, by helping bring out several ideas in such persons mind. I really like how your music kinda has this underlying melancholic feel to it.

The only thing weed ever did for me, musically, was either help me enjoy listening to it more or help my freestyles when i used to rap. Back when I smoked, I tried making beats and they never came out well. While i was making them, in my mind, I was making the best shit ever then, the next day when I’d revisit them sober, I’d realize they were not only bad, but they were mixed terribly and out of tune.
As for other drugs, I never tried or wanted to. It’s not like I’m gonna pop some mushrooms and then make a beat. If I’m tripping on shrooms, I’m gonna wanna be doing other shit. Though, I have often wondered what the outcome of that would be. I recall trying to write rhymes when I was shrooming and that didn’t work at all.
Basically, I’m just not one of those functional drug guys. If I do them, I’m not trying to add any element of responsibility or focus to them. And under rated thing about making beats (for me at least) is that there’s a type of math involved. Critical thinking as well. And I’m trying to do either of those things when I’m high.

If the following individuals can be so bad at their respective ages, why you gotta be such a wimp about getting old at 37?

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Well, for one, I’m not them. That’s a start. I can’t even touch my toes. So those old flexible motherfuckers are just a different breed of human than me. As for buff senior guy, that looks photoshopped. I really hope it’s photoshopped. Or, better yet, he’s only 35 and has just lived a drug fueled party life and his face has aged terribly. Also, genetics.

Hypothetically, who would be a more inappropriately matched celebrity couple to you – Orlando Bloom & Selena Gomez or Miranda Kerr & Justin Bieber?

Bloom and gomez. Sure, he’s a older than her and probably very different in all ways but men have been known to “date cute”. A really handsome dude dating a very cute (but not stunningly beautiful) girl is not abnormal. Meanwhile, A 6 foot tall model dating a 5’7” wigger asshole was only really a thing in the 90’s. Beibz couldn’t bag a girl like that. He does way better with girls who are shorter than him that pose on instagram in their underwear. I feel as that most women, past a certain age, see through the “Bieber mystique”. He’s like a “rebel” in the eyes of girls who have never met a real rebel. He’s basically the pop singer version of this little prick:
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Have you ever been chubby? What age were you when you were at your heaviest?

You mean aside from this very moment? Yes.
In 5th grade, before i started growing, I was kinda chubby.
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I was also one of those slob ass kids who refused to bath regularly and wore the same clothes for a week in a row. My principal actually pulled me into her office once and told me “Look Tony, You’re a cute kid but you gotta get it together. You’re dirty and your clothes are disgusting…” It was surreal…but, on the same tip, my friends older sister saw my unintentionally ripped jeans and told me they were really cool so, you know, there was definitely two sides to it.
But the heaviest I’ve ever been was 210. Probably 5 years ago. I generally weigh between like 198-204 so, thus far, it’s never gotten totally out of control. That said, I’m in the midst of a serious long term injury (torn abdomen muscle) that’s made it impossible for me to exercise with any regularity since the beginning of the year so i might top that 210 in the very near future. Yay! Kill me.

Just saw a documentary about The Big East Bball leauge the players were amazing, coaches were characters and the games were insanely entertaining with the rivalries and so on getting so intense. Did you go to or watch any of these games what was it like vs a regular NBA game?
Who did you root for?

I don’t fuck with college sports at all. Not in the slightest. Not even the final four. i tried watching a little of it but it was simply just not good enough basketball. The drop off in talent between that and pro basketball is so vast, it’s crazy. I get that people like the “rough around the edges” and the “at least they’re not overpayed athletes!” aspects of it but, for me, I want to see the best players play. Not a bunch of kids who took a science test earlier that day.

I’ve got a really really pressing question:

I use last.fm to track my music and check my profile every so often to make sure I’m keeping my hipster cred (although never actually tell me I’m a hipster, I’ll deny it). Recently I’ve been having an issue where I’ll be listening to an artist whose name is shared with a modern, more popular artist. As an example, I love “Ball of Eyes” by the jazz-rock band Placebo, but it scrobbles as being by some alternative-rock band. Similarly, I’ve been bumping “Original Man” by the prog-rock group Riff Raff, and I’m sure you can see the problems I get into there.

I don’t really have this issue with the bulk of my music, since U.K. Garage and Witch House producers usually have the decency to at least pick a name that no sane artist trying to get ahead would have.

What should I do to fix this situation? I’m loosing hipster cred by the minute. Please help!

Oh man. That’s tough. How have you been able to sleep at night? What will your witch house friends think? Holy shit, can you imagine what they say about you at the bi-weekly Witch house tea party? I bet they’re all like “umm…did you see Kyle’s LastFM scrobbles? umm…hellooooooooo….not even half of them had upside letters and spell black like “BLVCK”.” Dude, I feel your pain. I think what you might need to do is just stop listening to the prog rock Riff Raff and just take the loss. Otherwise, who are you really? I’ve seen people get their cool guy license revoked for less!

Demo Reviews Vol. 48

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Welcome to another edition of “Demo Reviews”. This is where readers send me their music to get my worthless opinion on it. It’s all very sado-masochistic on both ends.
I’m not currently accepting submissions but , to those who have been waiting (and asking me about it), the time is soon…probably next week. So keep an eye out for that announcement.
Anyway, the reviews work like so: I listen, do a brief write up on my thoughts and then arbitrarily rate the songs from 1-10 in these categories:
Production
Vocals
Listenability
originality

Pretty simple. this weeks batch actually has some very decent stuff in it so thanks to the artists who submitted for making my life a little easier. It’s alway appreciated when I don’t walk away from writing this in a bad mood.
Don’t forget to vote for your favorite at the bottom of the column.

Artist:Mic Capes
Song:Never stop


Well, this is a good way to start. Dope beat. Good rapping. In fact, this is all around professional sounding. Now time to nitpick.
My only critique is that the rapping isn’t exactly particularly interesting but it’s still very good and this is pretty much the complete package. Easily one of the best demo’s I’ve gotten in recent memory.
Production:7 out of 10
Vocals:6.5 out of 10
Listenability:7 out of 10
originality:5 out of 10

Artist: Fatt happy Tony
Song: Black Magic


I’m kinda glad this song is after that last one cause it works well by comparison. Hear how the drum sounds are kinda weak and the beat is uninventive? And the rapper isn’t terrible but he’s not really comfortable with his flow yet? It’s like two different genres. This isn’t even THAT bad, it’s just very typical of that “demo” sound I’ve come accustomed to from doing these reviews.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Keegan Baurer
Song: Swear Feat. Karess


The pic in the soundcloud link as me very confused. But that’s neither here nor there…
This beat is simple but effective. It sounds “new” at least, even though it’s a simple drum pattern and a backwards loop. The rapping is decent. The first guy definitely sounds more natural but the second guy seems like he cares more. They both don’t really bring anything remotely new to the table though. Overall, solid but nothing special.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Luck-one
Song: Strange Fruit


I like this rappers voice. He’s a little rough around the edges but he sounds like an angrier Phife dog with a quicker tongue. He’s solid for sure.
The beat I’m kinda torn on. I like elements of it but also don’t love other parts. The drums are half good but a few of the sounds are to obviously stock sounds. The mix is kinda iffy too. But, as an overall song, this is pretty good. The guitar solo at the end could go though.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:6.5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Luke the gentile
Song: Seaser


So, this is a cool beat. This is nowhere near a song though. It has three parts to the entire thing (drums, loop, violin). Throw a rapper on this and it’s something different but, as it stands now, this is unfinished. I generally disqualify things like this but I’m too lazy to load up another song in it’s place so , just a heads up to future submitters, don’t send me a beat. Songs or nothing.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5 out of 10
originality:2 out of 10

Artist:Ghost Approach
Song: Base 10


I feel like I’ve been doing these long enough that i bet readers can guess what my reaction will be to most of the demos. But, more specifically, THESE kind of demos. The electronic instrumental stuff. I don’t get it. I don’t dislike it, I just don’t really have to understanding of the genre to review it. It’s not in my wheelhouse. So, this, could be good? i really don’t know. It’s weird. i’ll give it that. But, really, i have no clue. This is probably how my mom feels listening to rap music.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
originality:6 out of 10

Artist:Takstar
Song:Vicodin Dreams


This is almost “just a beat” but he does a good job of subtle flip ups and eventually it goes somewhere. I actually think this is really dope. The crusty sample chop has a really vintage feel to it but, when added to the drums it makes it sound current. I don’t love the bass sound and the hi-hats could come down a little but this is pretty smooth little song altogether.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
originality:5.5 out of 10

Artist: Wildernotion
Song: Always something


I like the mood of this and that one chime sequence is easily the best part of the song, in my opinion. Over all, this is cool and very well put together. Tasteful sounds and it moves along nicely. Reminds me of a less polished Little People at times.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:6 out of 10
originality:5.5 out of 10

Artist: Namo
song: Open the mindless


The first thing that jumps out is that break. It’s a classic. Meaning, you’re not supposed to use it anymore. it was played out in the 90’s. Other then that, this sounds like some neo-trip hop type stuff. Mellow, solid background music. The sample layering is pretty good even though that one vocal sample sounds a little out of key. Also, a 9 minute song? come on, bro. no ones trying to hear that shit. As someone who’s made a bunch of self indulgent 6 plus minute songs that change constantly, trust me, sometimes you gotta rein it in a little.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:5 out of 10
originality:3 out of 10

Artist:P. Summind
Song: Good deed Vs Peter Flynt


This beat is very cute. I love the organ riff. However, this rapper is not ready to be rapping on a swing rhythm. When the beat switches up, it’s clear that he has enough struggles with a more standard type of beat. That voice too…not working for me. But, the song does have a vibe to it. A better rapper could have done something interesting with both the beat and the topic.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
originality:5 out of 10

So, what do you think?

Fuck/marry/kill Vol. 35

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Welcome once again to a world of love, sex and murder. It’s a game we’ve all played on some level. Well, maybe not the murder part but that’s what makes it fun.
Anyway, as always, i’m compelled to preface all this with the disclaimer “This is not serious” cause, inevitably, someone gets upset that this game even exists. If you find it belittling to women, just know the only reason I don’t play the game using men is cause , as a straight guy, it’s impossible for me gauge wanting to fuck one man more than another. I wont to not fuck them all equally.
Anyway, if you would like to throw me some F/M/K options, leave them in the comment section below. I’m always looking for new , interesting combos. Be creative. Not Lady gaga, madonna or Katie Perry. We’ve been down those roads already. Get weird with it.
So, let’s get into this weeks bounty.

F/M/K- The “Women Taller Than You” EDITION:
Aisha Tyler, Kimora Lee Simmons, Uma Thurman

(Side note, I’m as tall or taller than all these women but point made)

Marry: Aisha Tyler
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It’s been discussed on here before that I don’t exactly love tall girls. Something about my feet touching another persons feet while making out in a bed just is a huge turnoff to me. Not to mention the tangling of long arms and legs. Just not my thing. That said, I BEEN loving Aisha Tyler since her Talk Soup days. She’s super pretty and pretty much one of the cooler ladies on the planet. Without question I would wife her up. Throw a ring on her long ass finger and beg her never to wear heels around me.

Fuck: Kimora Lee simmons
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This was tough cause Kimora has been looking kinda crazy lately. I dunno if it’s botox or just getting older but he face seems to be inflating in a really odd way. Still, she’s a pretty hot woman. Also, she looks a lot like a girl I once slept with who also happened to be the tallest girl I ever hooked up with. That girl was hot so, in a way, this pick is based entirely on nostalgia. A time when Kimora was still really fly and I had sex with that girl that one time. Side story about that girl: She was a coke head and she literally stopped mid sex to go to the bathroom and do a line. Not exactly a huge turn on. I bet Kimora would never do that cause she’s classy.

Kill: Uma Thurman
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Uma has always been a weird one for me. I’ve seen her look good but, more often, I’ve seen her look not so good. I actually sorta knew her bother a little in high school and went to his house for a party once. His family has semi nude pictures of her all around the house (she was a model at the time and they were extreme hippie types). It was weird. Anyway, she’s definitely pretty but there has always been something about her that was an issue for me. Her hands. Uma got big hands. Like…HUGE hands. Hands so big, I once started a twitter hashtag #umagotbighands (though maybe it was something different cause I can’t find any of those tweets now). I recently learned that a lot of girls pay attention to men’s hands and i had never really considered that. Turns out , in extreme cases, we look at your hands as well, ladies. So, if you look like you can palm a globe, it’s a no go. Admittedly, it’s a shallow reason to off someone but that’s the name of the game. #umagotbighands

F/M/K:
Fatty Foods Edition:
Poutine, Buffalo Wings, Nachos

Fuck: Nachos
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I think, if prepared right, I could actually literally fuck a plate of nachos. I love nachos. I think we all do. Part of the beauty of them is that there is a lot of versatility in how can prepare them. You would think that might lend to me marrying them but, the reality of nachos is, it’s not a real meal. It’s an appetizer. I’ve never ordered some nacho’s and called it a day. I’ve also never ordered nacho’s for one. It’s something you share. So, as good as they are, they’re without question a part time lover.

Kill: Poutine
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The canadian person who submitted this question loves to bring Canada into everything. Thus, poutine is here. Listen, Poutine is delicious. No doubt. Gravy cheese fries (yes, I know it’s curds, calm down), If I lived in Montreal, I’m sure I’d drunkly eat it once a week and feel terrible about it the next day. The thing is, for some reason, it rings a bell of “this is TOO unhealthy”. I realize nachos and buffalo wings are probably right up there with them but…I dunno…just the way they make you feel after eating them is enough for me to flick the kill switch. It’s like swallowing a bunch of bricks. It’s the type of food that, when you wake up the morning after, you still feel too full. Not a fan of that so I gotta put Poutine to it’s eternal rest. Also, any food that is eaten 95% of time by drunk people is seriously lacking in versatility and depth.

Marry: Buffalo Wings
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Goddamnit , I love wings. If they were not so completely terrible for me, I’d eat them 3 or 4 times a week. IF the nutritional value of a bag of baby carrots could somehow trade with buffalo wings…I’d be out here with a glazed red face, smelling like blue cheese and tabasco sauce, 24 hours a day. I recognize that Buffalo wings are limited in that they are just chicken wings (By calling them buffalo wings, this is excluding all the other type of chicken wing preparations) but fuck all that noise. Sometimes, something is so good it doesn’t need all the bells and whistles. Sure, You may be able to literally throw anything on nacho’s, but they’ll never be as good as a fantastic buffalo wing. Not even NAchos with buffalo wings on top. Sorry, brah…they just won’t be.

F/M/K:
The Throwback Thursday Edition: Claire Danes / Keri Russell / Neve Campbell

Marry: Keri Russell
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This is kinda like the battle of the moderately but undeniably attractive girls who lacked any speck of sexiness. All three of these girls are ones I’ve never even thought of in a particularly sexual way. I think I choose to marry Keri Russell cause I’ve actually seen her walking around my neighborhood before and , in person, she is a adorable. She’s one of those girls you see on a screen and think “whatever…” but then you realize, if you knew her in real life, you’d love her. The sad part is that it took me seeing her in person to realize that so she has an unfair advantage here. But, whatever, she’s actual wifey material ,in a real world sense.

Fuck: Neve Campbell
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I really only chose her cause I am 100% not attracted to Claire Danes. Neve Campbell is okay I guess. She’s certainly pretty. But, like I mentioned earlier, she’s lacking sexiness. That said, she was in “Wild things” and she tried to strut her stuff a little in that. She made it with a girl, yo! Whatever the case, i’d be an asshole to say she’s not a pretty girl and i’ve certainly done worse in real life than Neve Campbell. Not to mention, I’d say she’s gotten better with age, which isn’t exactly commonplace. sooooo…yeah. SEX!

Kill: Claire Danes
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This works on a few levels. I’ve never ever ever ever though she was cute. Something about the angularity of her face. It’s all bulbous or something. But , beyond that, I kinda loath her acting. It’s gotten better on “Homeland” , in the sense that she’s really good at having long term panic attacks but, prior to that? ughh…”My so called life” may be a really important TV show for a lot of people in my age bracket cause they related deeply to it but, as a man who didn’t grow up in the suburbs or go to a school where everyone was depressed , awkward and/or on drugs, I got no patience for that bullshit. Her character ,in particular, rubbed me the wrong way. Not cause it reminded me of girls i knew that I didn’t like but cause it didn’t remind me…of anyone. She was just some annoying girl who bulged her eyes out a lot. I’d lend that to the character but, really, it’s her. So, I’d have to end…her so called life. Hi-yoooooo!

F/M/K Juice ,Menace II Society ,Boyz n The Hood

Fuck: Juice
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is Juice a good movie? I don’t even know anymore. I loved it when it came out but I was also a kid and someone who loved all things rap related. I feel like it may have aged poorly…but whatever. It’s an iconic movie from my teenaged years and that will always hold a place in my heart. It’s like the Christina Applegate of movies. Back then, there was no one hotter to me but when I see her pics from back then now I wonder what I was thinking. Still, because of that era left such an imprint on my brain, I’ll always be down for Applegate. Juice is the same way. So, I’ll fuck it.

Kill: Boyz in the Hood
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When this movie came out, it blew everyone away. Like all my peers, I loved it. I saw it like 3 times in the theater. Problem is, it’s a terrible movie. Like REALLY bad. While “Juice” may not have aged well, “Boyz in the hood” is an example of something being the first of it’s kind so it got a pass. Once the smoke cleared and I had some time to reflect on it, it was clear that “BITH” was basically an after school special about compton. I’m talking terrible dialogue, lame characters, over acting and corny plot lines. It’s a REALLY bad movie. If you’re reading this and getting pissy cause it’s your shit, I urge you, watch it again. I was once like you. I loved this movie. But time had been a cruel bitch to this film and as soon as “Menace II society” came out, “BITH” was irrelevant. Seriously…watch it again. SO BAD.

Marry: Menace II Society
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In the 90’s, the “hood” movie was a huge deal. While “Boyz in the hood” started it, Menace shut the door. It remains pretty much the only film in the entire genre (from that era) that was actually a high quality film. Sure, it wasn’t without it’s faults but it was kinda like a Public enemy album in a sea of Kid n’ Play albums. While BITH opened our eyes to that whole lifestyle, Menace made it feel real. Not to mention it looked better, was written better, had better acting and was just better in every other way imaginable. To this day, if it’s on, I’ll watch it. So, for that, i put a ring on it.

Rogglecast 11- Daffy Bobcat

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We are back! Scheduling has been a cruel bitch for us but Pollyne and I have returned with a good one. This week, we discuss if Thicke is a sucker for love and lovable sucker. We also cover drinking. We love it so much but it’s also the worst. Also, we answer some questions (if you’d like us to answer anything, send them over to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com). It’s a fun one…just happy to be back.
Oh, and I should add that the song we end with may be my finest work yet. PLATINUM HITZZZZZ