Whattup everyone? Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. Steadily creeping up on Volume 200, which is when I’m spontaneously combust and that will be that. Looking forward to it.
Anyway, if you’d like to join the fun, I’m always accepting new questions. Send them to me! Either email them to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. The stranger, the better. At this point, we’ve pretty much covered everything else.
So, let’s get into this weeks crop.

If you could be any inanimate object what would you be? I’d like to be a lamp

The corny answer here would be something like “Emily Ratajakowski’s Vibrator” but I’mma go high brow on this and say the presidents desk in the oval office. imagine all the things I would see and hear! It would be insane. Just kidding, I’d still wanna be that vibrator.

at what point, if any, did you start to experience your *fame*..? and feel that you were making an impact on the vast diaspora of music?

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced it that much cause it’s not really a thing. The most I’ll see it is at my own shows but, in real life? Not so much. Outside of the occasional person stopping me on the street (that happens maybe twice a year ,tops) and the even less frequent free dish at a restaurant (cause someone who works there recognizes me) I’m pretty much completely under the radar. Which is awesome. I would hate to have my life style hindered due to people bothering me every time I was in public.
So, no, I’ve never felt like I was making much of an impact on the vast diaspora of music. The only time I’ll even notice I may have had any sort of influence is when I do my demo reviews. Even then, it’s rare.

What are the 3 grossest things you remember seeing on the ground within the ny subway system? PS: what do new yorkers call the subway – the train?

To answer your PS, it’s cause they are literally trains. The “Subway” is what the trains travel through. You don’t ride the subway, you ride the train. But you go to the subway to catch a train. at least, that’s how I’ve always understood it. It’s like the difference between an airport and a plane.
Hmm…let’s see.
1) A guy shitting in a 3/4 full car. The craziest thing was, it was between stops and , instead of leaving the car to go to the next one, people just formed an invisible circle. People were gagging though and the second the the train stopped the entire car emptied out. Dude literally pulled his pants down and shat on one of the corner seats. Easily the grossest thing i’ve ever seen on the train.
2)A dude jerking off.
Every story I have ever heard of guys jerking off on trains has involved the Queens bound F train. No clue why that train is such a hub of unwanted erotic activity but, for some reason, it is. One day, I was going to work (I was about 19 and I worked deep in queens off the last stop off the F train). It was like 7:30 in the morning. This fucking creep was wearing sweat pants and straight jerking his shit to a few catholic school girls. His dick wasn’t out but he wasn’t being at all subtle. In general, seeing a dude on a queens bound F train in sweatpants is a good sign to move.
3) Various disgusting homeless people.
There is no one particular one I can point to but I’ve seen so many unfortunate souls on the train with growths, open wounds and, worst of all, unfathomable smells. It’s fucked up but few things on earth smell worse than an obese homeless woman on the train in the summer. It’s really a testament to how bad a person can smell if gone unchecked. Like, and my apologies to everyone reading this, you can smell their rotting vaginas from like 40 feet away. That is the only smell worse than summer bum feet. Which is only slightly worse than human shit.

Do you ever ‘partymix’ when listening to podcasts? TO PARTYMIX, is this really lame term I just came up with bc can’t think of anything better, but what I mean is playing a random show/movie on mute while listening to an episode of whatever. Some of the best stuff online these days is within podcasts, but I’m SUCH a visual learner and prefer to stare at something consistent so I don’t zone out. For example, I find the ROGGLECAST is best paired with a muted episode of “Ready or Not” “Fresh Prince” or “Who’s the Boss.” So, doyoudothat?

Nope. I’d maybe do that if i was watching a sporting event but I’d much sooner just play a podcast while I’m perusing the internet. TV time is TV time for me.

If you were “that guy” and for some reason insisted upon naming your firstborn after a spice, which spice would be most acceptable to you as a person’s name? Saffron, Parsley, Ginger, Dill, Paprika, Clove, Thyme.

Ginger is a real name so I guess that wins…even though, it’s kind of a stripper name.
I actually think Thyme or Saffron would work but all these names are distinctly feminine to me. I guess men can’t really be named after spices.

really serious question tho, would you rather bang skyler from breaking bad with the head of skinny p in the back of a nice sports car or would you rather bang a loose scarlett johannson with the head of bill clinton in the confines of your place?

regardless, nobody would ever have to know about either of these. you have a third option of neither, however if you chose not to, then you have to live in the same apartment for the rest of your life and you can’t fix anything. meaning that if you get a slow leak, you have to deal with that shit forever until you die. if your paint peels, or you break the sheetrock, then you gotta just deal like the strong willed man you are. also there is a non harmful spider in a dark corner of your house that can’t be killed, doesnt harm you, but in general sucks to have around. basically like a real life hologram wolf spider. if you do follow through with it, you are exempt and rewarded with a $25 walmart gift card.

The easy answer would be the scarlet johannson/Bill clinton mash up , simply cause johansson has a dope body and I could just hit it from the back. Also, being in my own place would be a plus. The “Neither” option is intriguing as well cause, well, I basically live like that already. The only reason anything gets fixed or upgraded in my apartment is cause of my girlfriend. Before she moved in, outside of replacing lightbulbs and having a terrifying spider, I was living that life already. That said, my house is prone to problems and I don’t think i could live here the rest of my life without fixing it. The black mold alone would kill me. Oh well, Scarlet Clinton it is.

Hello everyone…Time , once again, for another mystical and magical trip through my inner minds eye hole AKA Answers for Questions. That thing where you guys ask me anything on your godforsaken minds and I answer it. If you’d like to join the fun, send me questions! Either leave them in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. Both those methods have been proven successful. So, yeah…do that.
Anyway, here is this weeks batch.

I think that people who are in crowded public places or who go jogging outside with their headphones on are absolutely bananas. How could they not realize that you could be snuck up on at any time! Is that weird?

That is weird. I think you may have trust and social anxiety issues. I’m a person who often had headphones when I walk around. Crowds or not. As long as you’re being aware of your surroundings it’s a non-factor.
I love walking home drunk, late at night, just listening to my ipod. Talk about being a sitting duck but, still, I’ve come out okay so I’mma keep doing it.

If you needed to churn out a creative FMK question for a guy friend of yours, what would you come up with? Give a girl option and an inanimate option svp s’il vous plait.
Hmm…
Girl option: A hot nun, a mediocre looking college student or busted prostitute who is a sexual dynamo
Inanimate option: Farts, burps, or sneezes

Hey Block, Question: How do you feel about the word “faggot” in rap? It seems like the cultural shift is making it less common on albums now, conscious rappers like KRS never used it, rappers like El-P used it in the CoFlow days but grew out of it, Eminem has always used it but offensive is kind of his game, having gay friends and being a pretty conscious guy I would never use it in daily life, but I give most rappers a pass because I like the music, basically I prefer not to hear it but it’s not a deal breaker for me (except with Immortal Technique I think it’s kinda hypocritical because he’s all about injustices to minorities, so no pass) I know rap fans where the word ruins songs/artists for them…So does it bother you on any level?

It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I don’t tend to be a fan of word policing on any level and , more than anything, I’m simply not easily offended. I also come from an era where it was common place so it’s not exactly shocking to me.
I fully understand why some words are offensive to people and why a word like “faggot” would really upset certain people. It’s a harsh word with a history to it. That said, it’s also a word that means different things in 2014 depending on the context. Brand Nubian using it when describing how they hate gay people is much different than , say, El-P using it simply as a word of insult.
I was listening to the WTF podcast the other day and Marc Maron had Rupaul on as a guest. It’s a great episode, btw. Anyway, the discussion of hate words came up and Maron asked Rupaul how he feels about words like “faggot” and Rupaul was like “Oh, I don’t give a shit. I say it all the time” then he went on to make the point that those words only have power if you give them power and ,If someone calls you a “faggot”, and you let it hurt your feelings, that’s as much on you as it is them. I’m paraphrasing in a major way here, but that was his basic point. It was honestly the first time I had ever heard a famous gay person take that stance and I found it pretty refreshing. I’m sure others don’t agree with that take and I fully respect that but , still, it’s nice to hear people who simply aren’t that bothered by aimless words, no matter how cruel their history may be.
So, yeah, it doesn’t bother me. But, then again, I probably would’t be bothered if a random rapper said “Blockhead is a terrible person” on a record cause, if he didn’t know me, what do I care? I just don’t get bothered by that kinda stuff in general.

So what do you think when people use shortened twisted versions of words on the web? I know it’s nothing new but it’s annoying when I hear it a lot. Like when I think Kanye West used “cray” now it’s kind of a word?wtf. I guess it wouldn’t bother me too much, but now I see RJD2 using “Yung” on the internet. Is it just ironic now? Mebbe it’s just those two words and goddamn “bae” for baby that are most annoying. I’ve even felt the urge to spell things differently myself…? What the hell? Do you find yourself about to change your vocab to stay with the awesome trends?

I’m pretty sure a lot of those words have swung around to the “irony” category by now.At least with adults. RJ using “Yung” ,for sure, is an example of that.
I am not that bothered by people using those words online. I get that , not only are they in vogue but it’s also just short cuts to typing less words. In the twitter/texting age, people seem to be doing that kinda shit regardless of if they have a character limit. That said, when they start actually vocalizing those words,I think those people are kinda ridiculous. It’s definitely more acceptable for women to do it, cause it’s kinda cutesy (still, corny though but ladies seem to get graded on a curve when it comes to things like that), but for dudes? unacceptable. I don’t ever wanna here some guy say the word “Perf” to me. Or, even worse, say “O.M.G.” out of his mouth.
If you’re a man and you say that out loud, you should be ashamed of yourself. Hell, your parents should be ashamed of themselves too cause they created you.

Last Wednesday I “climbed” a tree by trying to jump and grab a branch with one hand. Unfortunately I underestimated the momentum and i swung forward. I felt the crust crumbling under my left hand as my body was almost horizontal. I lost my grip and fell right on my ass. Apart from the shock there was no significant initial pain but the next day i could hardly walk from the pain in the western hemisphere of my ass. It’s been a week now and since I have got a lot of hair back there and no girlfriend it is hard to find volunteers to massage it.

Please help me Blockhead!

Umm…shave your ass. Or don’t. More importantly, stop living out you jungle book ass life fantasies and stop climbing trees. What are you, seven years old? you got a tree house, guy?
Trust be told, I doubt anyone is gonna wanna massage your ass no matter what it looks like. But I have good news! There are people who do that for a living and accept money in exchange for those services. Find one and pay them and your ass can look like captain caveman’s and no one will say shit to you. And, who knows, if it’s the right type of massage spot, you could possibly get a $20 hand job out of it as well.

How come there’s often shitty sound quality at the majority of shows, small or big? That’s so weird to me because it seems like it be the 1# priority to take care of when you’re a venue that hosts live music, but I also realize there must be factors involved that I’m not aware of. I’d say that roughly 35% of shows that I’ve been to have had good sound quality, and I’m not even that picky bout it. Why do you think that is?

There are many factors to this. Possible reasons include
1)Shitty sound guys who don’t care
2)Artist who control their own sound and think louder=better
3)the way certain rooms are set up and how the sound reverberates within that room.
4)bad speaker placement
And a bunch of other things I can’t think of now.
For me, the main issue is the loudness. I realize we live in a culture of excess and a huge part of seeing live music is feeling that music. However, it reaches a point when the music is so loud that all it’s nuances are lost. Too much low end can drown out any of the other parts of the song. Sometimes a room will have too much mids and everything will sound shrill. Simply turning things down a little will often help those issues but everyone feels the need to be the loudest.
I’m not one of these “Silent disco” types but I do think it’s a good idea, where sound quality is concerned. Giving people control of their own music volume is a good idea. I’d be willing to bet those people actually listen to the music at a sane level and still enjoy it just as much.
I’d also like to add that, as performers, this loud ass shit is fucking us up. It’s gonna be scary how many famous dj’s are going to be deaf in like 20 years. We’ll be the music equivalent to football players and concussions.

Do you feel weird when you realize that you were once a person who used to chew on their own feet and love it? {because you were once a baby and ALL (most) babies put their feet in their mouths}?

It’s funny you bring this up cause I think about that all the time! Just kidding. I’ve never once given that an even passing thought. So, no, I don’t feel weird about it at all. Furthermore, baby feet are adorable and , generally, pretty clean. I’d put a baby foot in my mouth right now, bro! Also, when you think of all the crazy shit babies put in their mouth (IE: Everything they come across) Feet are actually pretty sanitary by comparison. I can only hope that, when I was a baby, I went hard of the feet chewing. It’s really the only time in life that’s okay.