Answers For Questions volume 193


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Whattup everyone? Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. Steadily creeping up on Volume 200, which is when I’m spontaneously combust and that will be that. Looking forward to it.
Anyway, if you’d like to join the fun, I’m always accepting new questions. Send them to me! Either email them to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. The stranger, the better. At this point, we’ve pretty much covered everything else.
So, let’s get into this weeks crop.

If you could be any inanimate object what would you be? I’d like to be a lamp

The corny answer here would be something like “Emily Ratajakowski’s Vibrator” but I’mma go high brow on this and say the presidents desk in the oval office. imagine all the things I would see and hear! It would be insane. Just kidding, I’d still wanna be that vibrator.

at what point, if any, did you start to experience your *fame*..? and feel that you were making an impact on the vast diaspora of music?

I can’t say I’ve ever experienced it that much cause it’s not really a thing. The most I’ll see it is at my own shows but, in real life? Not so much. Outside of the occasional person stopping me on the street (that happens maybe twice a year ,tops) and the even less frequent free dish at a restaurant (cause someone who works there recognizes me) I’m pretty much completely under the radar. Which is awesome. I would hate to have my life style hindered due to people bothering me every time I was in public.
So, no, I’ve never felt like I was making much of an impact on the vast diaspora of music. The only time I’ll even notice I may have had any sort of influence is when I do my demo reviews. Even then, it’s rare.

What are the 3 grossest things you remember seeing on the ground within the ny subway system? PS: what do new yorkers call the subway – the train?

To answer your PS, it’s cause they are literally trains. The “Subway” is what the trains travel through. You don’t ride the subway, you ride the train. But you go to the subway to catch a train. at least, that’s how I’ve always understood it. It’s like the difference between an airport and a plane.
Hmm…let’s see.
1) A guy shitting in a 3/4 full car. The craziest thing was, it was between stops and , instead of leaving the car to go to the next one, people just formed an invisible circle. People were gagging though and the second the the train stopped the entire car emptied out. Dude literally pulled his pants down and shat on one of the corner seats. Easily the grossest thing i’ve ever seen on the train.
2)A dude jerking off.
Every story I have ever heard of guys jerking off on trains has involved the Queens bound F train. No clue why that train is such a hub of unwanted erotic activity but, for some reason, it is. One day, I was going to work (I was about 19 and I worked deep in queens off the last stop off the F train). It was like 7:30 in the morning. This fucking creep was wearing sweat pants and straight jerking his shit to a few catholic school girls. His dick wasn’t out but he wasn’t being at all subtle. In general, seeing a dude on a queens bound F train in sweatpants is a good sign to move.
3) Various disgusting homeless people.
There is no one particular one I can point to but I’ve seen so many unfortunate souls on the train with growths, open wounds and, worst of all, unfathomable smells. It’s fucked up but few things on earth smell worse than an obese homeless woman on the train in the summer. It’s really a testament to how bad a person can smell if gone unchecked. Like, and my apologies to everyone reading this, you can smell their rotting vaginas from like 40 feet away. That is the only smell worse than summer bum feet. Which is only slightly worse than human shit.

Do you ever ‘partymix’ when listening to podcasts? TO PARTYMIX, is this really lame term I just came up with bc can’t think of anything better, but what I mean is playing a random show/movie on mute while listening to an episode of whatever. Some of the best stuff online these days is within podcasts, but I’m SUCH a visual learner and prefer to stare at something consistent so I don’t zone out. For example, I find the ROGGLECAST is best paired with a muted episode of “Ready or Not” “Fresh Prince” or “Who’s the Boss.” So, doyoudothat?

Nope. I’d maybe do that if i was watching a sporting event but I’d much sooner just play a podcast while I’m perusing the internet. TV time is TV time for me.

If you were “that guy” and for some reason insisted upon naming your firstborn after a spice, which spice would be most acceptable to you as a person’s name? Saffron, Parsley, Ginger, Dill, Paprika, Clove, Thyme.

Ginger is a real name so I guess that wins…even though, it’s kind of a stripper name.
I actually think Thyme or Saffron would work but all these names are distinctly feminine to me. I guess men can’t really be named after spices.

really serious question tho, would you rather bang skyler from breaking bad with the head of skinny p in the back of a nice sports car or would you rather bang a loose scarlett johannson with the head of bill clinton in the confines of your place?

regardless, nobody would ever have to know about either of these. you have a third option of neither, however if you chose not to, then you have to live in the same apartment for the rest of your life and you can’t fix anything. meaning that if you get a slow leak, you have to deal with that shit forever until you die. if your paint peels, or you break the sheetrock, then you gotta just deal like the strong willed man you are. also there is a non harmful spider in a dark corner of your house that can’t be killed, doesnt harm you, but in general sucks to have around. basically like a real life hologram wolf spider. if you do follow through with it, you are exempt and rewarded with a $25 walmart gift card.

The easy answer would be the scarlet johannson/Bill clinton mash up , simply cause johansson has a dope body and I could just hit it from the back. Also, being in my own place would be a plus. The “Neither” option is intriguing as well cause, well, I basically live like that already. The only reason anything gets fixed or upgraded in my apartment is cause of my girlfriend. Before she moved in, outside of replacing lightbulbs and having a terrifying spider, I was living that life already. That said, my house is prone to problems and I don’t think i could live here the rest of my life without fixing it. The black mold alone would kill me. Oh well, Scarlet Clinton it is.

9 thoughts on “Answers For Questions volume 193

  1. That picture is great!

    (Unless it’s already been asked)

    On a scale from 0-10, how much do you enjoy popping your own zits?

  2. I’ve seen you mention several times on this blog that you have never driven a car once in your life. Out of every state in the U.S., New York probably has the highest concentration of people that can claim this. If someone in their 30s lived in another state, and told me they have never driven a car before, I would have trouble believing them.

    Do you ever feel embarrassed about this while you are outside of New York on tour? Do you try to avoid the topic with new acquaintances? When it does come up, do you feel like you have to explain and justify it to people? What is the craziest comment or reaction you have ever gotten?

  3. Here’s one for next time…You get to pick one of the following feelings to have for life, with a consequence to your choice:

    1. The eternal safe and secure bliss of your parents picking you up as a child and never putting you back down, but you have the emotional temperament of a 5 year old for life. Mentally, physically, everything else is the same, but you wouldn’t be able to help blowing up when someone takes your tonka truck.
    2. The constant angst and rage of teenagedom, but you get to physically stay the age where you think you’re in your prime for as long as you want.
    3. The physical soreness (but not restrictions) that most seniors have, but you get to go back in time to when you were in elementary school with all the knowledge you have now and play your life out as a wunderkind and use it to your professional and romantic advantage.

    You can back out of answering if you’re happier with your life now, but you would then automatically be enlisted in the US military, and when you get drafted your bunkmate is a chatty steve buschemi lookalike who talks in a falsetto. You’d definitely, but barely survive and come home after a year.

    • I’ve been reading this blog almost from inception….. this is one of the best questions I’ve ever seen asked for his AFQ segment. I’m sure Block will crush this one, and if I’ve learned anything he will pick #2….
      The qualifier at the end is, no offense, pretty lame and superfluous. I’ve seen these more frequently at the ends of the “scenario” type questions but I don’t get why. Humor? Block invites these types of questions, they drive the blog. He’s not looking to back out of answering. His F/M/K/ segments have proven that in spades. Same for “Scarlet Clinton” question above. That 3rd option was the “cop out” option.
      Fuck a cop out option….the man doesn’t need one. He will bang Scarlet Clinton like a champion steed because you asked him to.

      • Alright, well can the qualifier then (admittedly I added it because I’ve seen other askers do it and thought it might be standard). If you don’t need it I don’t need it. Retracted!

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