Defending My tweets Vol. 9


how_to_defend_yourself
Hello and welcome to another edition of “Defending my tweets”. This is where I show you tweets and either defend my shitty opinions or just further explain my point in more than 140 characters. That’s all there really is to this. You like aimless rants? Well, this is your lucky day.

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I’d be pretty oblivious to dating sites were it not for social networks. My instagram and facebook feeds are jammed with screen captures of dudes on dating sites being the absolute worst humans they can be. It’s actually impressive how bad they can actually be. So, this got me wondering if these dudes are doing it to be funny or cause they legit have no idea how to talk to girls. The thing is, it goes beyond these screen caps. I’ve had girls I know show me texted interactions between actual men trying to have sex with them and it’s mind boggling. Like, for instance, coming out the gate asking for head. OUT THE GATE. Not “Hey, what’s up? I saw your pic and you looked nice…”. Nope. More like “sup, trying to suck this dick or nah?”.
Part of me thinks there is no way a guy writes that with any sincerity. But, sadly, there other part of me thinks that this dude is literally asking every girl on Tinder if she wants to blow him cause, eventually, he’ll come across that one disaster of a human who’s like “Sure thing. You got weed?”.
Dating sites have transformed the entire landscape of how people hook up. For every match.com success story, there are probably 5000 tinder tales of horror. So, my idea would simply be a dating website where no one meets anyone. It would just be a data base of the worst profiles/people active on dating sites. You just look at peoples profiles and think “Nah, that quite alright cupid”.
Side note: 2014 cupid is a dirt bag motherfucker and has a phone full of dick pics ready to send.

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Are the days of “some of my best friends are black” over? Like , do people still keep tabs on that kinda shit? As the world slowly but surely heads toward a time where the average person will be more brown than pink, I’d hope that we all have come to grips
with the idea that people are people (spoiler alert: We haven’t). Simple concept, really. But, with that era seemingly on the outs, I’ve noticed something different. It’s very particular to white men though. Where “some of my best friends are black” was once a qualifier for someone who just said some outlandish shit, “My wife is____” seems to have taken it’s place.
We’ve finally reached the racial utopia in society where a person will marry a person of a different race and suddenly become an authority on all things related to that race. I didn’t realize that all worked through osmosis. What a feeling it must be!
Now, to be clear, I’m in no way saying this is the norm. Not at all. But I’ve noticed it enough to…well…notice. It’s kinda like that episode of Seinfeld where that dude converted to judaism just so he could make jewish jokes.
The funny thing is, I see it most with white dudes who marry asian women. Not only do they kinda usurp their culture (I straight up knew a dude who started wearing a gi out socially and tied his hair in a bun after he started dating this japanese girl) but it also opens the door for a weird kind of smugness where they, all of a sudden, are the oracle of wisdom concerning all things japanese/chinese/korean etc…As if , sticking your dick in someone repeatedly transfers their essence and history to you. In a way, I see how it happens. My girl is Serbian/bosnian and , honestly, I’ve learned more about the former Yugoslavia by dating her than I ever would have in a class room. But, still, it’s not like I can walk around and go up to a dude from Croatia and be like “hey man, take it easy on the serbs…some of them are good people who just love their country”.
I think my point is that a person’s race/culture is theirs. You can embrace it. You can love it. But just don’t be a “try-hard creep” about it. I realize being an “american white guy” is as boring as it gets but, honestly, it’s also the easiest thing in the world to be with the least consequences so, you know, don’t ever forget that.

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This one came about as I was waiting on the Lorimer stop on the L train. For those who aren’t familiar, it’s the second stop into Williamsburg, Brooklyn and one of the most hipster packed train stations on earth. Now, before I even get into this, I’d like to point out that people who hate on hipsters are typically hipsters in one way or another. Sure, I’d like to say I’m not cause I’m too old to be or whatever but , truth be told, as long as you’re paying attention to youth culture at all, you’re probably a little bit of a hipster. Especially people in urban areas. So, when I refer to “hipsters” here, I’m talking about the full fledged ones. The dudes and ladies who are on the cutting edge of every trend. The ones, for better or worse, that are defining this next generation with every blog and pintrest post they throw into the ether.
With that said, I can continue with a clear head…
I’ve always felt that real hipsterism and hip hop have had a really strange relationship. At least over the last 10 years. Once hipsters moved on from liking underground rap, things got weird. All off a sudden, former backpack wearing nerds would roll their eyes at any rap with multiple syllable words and they only opted to listen to variations of thugged out shit. Now, this is fine with me. I get this 100%. It’s strange how we grow older and lose interest in some things and gain it in others. Tastes simplify. This is not my issue. My problem is the “holier than thou” mindset I see amongst white nerds who get off on bumping the most ignorant rap they can find. This isn’t exactly a new thing. Don’t think for a second that, when NWA dropped, there weren’t white dorks everywhere rapping along to themselves in the privacy of their homes and cars like your man right here:

The difference now is that , now, there is a smug air about it. Like they’re really about that life. Which brings me to this kid I saw on the train. Dressed in clothing that I could only describe as “cloths people wore in movies from the 1960’s that were about the future” , looking like a child with a beard, smugly bobbing his head , with a screwed up face that looked like he was listening to a really extreme John Mayer solo. Only thing was that his Beats by Dre headphones were blasting what I easily recognized as a Waka FLocka Flame song. He wasn’t just digging the music. He wanted everyone to see how much he dug it. Similar to people who walk down the street, with headphones, singing/rapping loudly to themselves. No one is that unaware. Thing is, I wasn’t even mad at the guy. Dude is all in. He’s the 2014 version of Michael Bolton (from the clip above, not the singer) and he wins. I’m just some old guy with some ear buds listening to a podcast. I’m not even a factor.

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You ALWAYS have to qualify on twitter. Saying something as fact will only lead to 50 assholes pointing out that you’re jokey tweet isn’t 100% accurate. Case in point, these tweets. OF COURSE not all people who don’t allow page comments aren’t to be trusted. OF COURSE they aren’t all cheating on their significant others. I used to think the fact people take jokes so literally is either telling how poorly the joke is constructed or how completely dumb the people reading that joke are. But , nowadays, I realize that it has way more to do with people simply applying things to themselves and not seeing the big picture. Case in point, these two dumb ass tweets of mine. They got some retweets and favorites. But they also got multiple responses of people giving me other examples of when having a “no comment” facebook wall might be okay. To those people, I GET IT. You are the exception! Thanks for playing.
But, let’s be real, as many honest reasons as there are for someone turning off their wall comments (work related, family related) , you know exactly what I was talking about here. I was talking about normal people (single or dating) who simply don’t allow wall comments cause they do dirt and wanna limit the chance they get called out publicly/have someone accidentally blow up their spot. Maybe they’ve been “seeing” a girl for a while, she thinks it’s a relationship but the guy is still freely fucking tons of other girls. So, to make sure one of his side girls doesn’t write “So much fun last night!” on his wall, he disables it. It makes all the sense in the world.
It all makes me miss the days of Myspace, really. Cause you had to approve comments. You could never really be blindsided on Myspace. Facebook, however, doesn’t give a fuuuuuuuck. Not only do they just allow anyone you know to write whatever they want on your wall (I’m sure you can make the settings so that comments need approval but play along anyway), but now it’s like facebook wants me to see EVERYTHING. For instance, why the fuck am i seeing posts by people i don’t know simply cause someone I know commented on it? I’m a nosey dude but that’s too much for even me.
Still, we’re all adults here and I’ve found that ,on social networks, when people are hiding something, they have probably got something to hide. I got enough beef with all you private profile assholes on Instagram…but you “no comment on my facebook wall” ass dudes? Can’t truss’em!

8 thoughts on “Defending My tweets Vol. 9

  1. I started a site very similar to “thats quite alright cupid” it’s called bro-finder.com and everyone on there is a turrible human being and no one ever messages or meets anyone. The brofiles are all video though, no text or pictures and I think it’s pretty hilarious.

    Spam spam spam!!!

  2. In the second Tweet defense… There is one of the best sentences ever!

    “But just don’t be try hard creep about it.”

    I know how it is to write a rant and sometimes you change your mind and don’t delete properly and end up with weird syntaxes of 2-3 ideas morphed together (see my own sentence here as an example). This one is pretty special… just sayin!

      • I realize most people who read this are young but, to be clear I was referring to
        this with my whole “can’t truss’em” line.

      • Oh don’t get me wrong… I wasn’t being an ass about syntaxe and typos… I’m not one of those “well actually” type dudes who points out that you’re using the word “decimate” wrong and stuff like that…
        I just thought that sentence in particular was great and deserved a mention!
        Peace!

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