Answers for questions vol. 196

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G’day mates! Welcome to another thrilling edition of “Answers for questions”. This is where you, the reader, send me, the writer, questions. They can be about anything. Literally. If you’d like to be a part of the magic it’s as simple as emailing me a question (or questions) at phatfriendblog@gmail.com OR simply leave them in the comments below. Be weird, get interesting. It’s your time to shine, anonymously.
Anyway, Let’s see what we got this week.

Who do you think deserves a theoretical slap to the face more? Slow (able-bodied) walkers or people who don’t say thanks when you hold the door for them.

I would say the latter. While both these factions of people drive me crazy (this question is definitely crafted for me to rant and the writer knew it), at least slow walkers aren’t rude. They’re just oblivious. I feel like many slow walkers are just people from places where the pace of living is slower in general. Then, they come to NYC and dawdle their way down the streets like it’s one big street fair, forgetting that 90% of the people here are on the go with purpose. But, still, they’re not being assholes.
Now, the people who don’t say thank you when the door is held for them are dickheads. I’m not even a stickler for manners but , goddamnit, saying thanks to someone who did you a microscopic solid isn’t that hard. especially a stranger who has no reason to do anything for you whatsoever. Even a nod of acknowledgement is enough. Something. Anything. Otherwise, it comes off like you look towards that person as a lesser being. As if it’s their job to hold a door for you. But, even if it was their job, a thank you still would be applicable. Fuck those people.

If you were experiencing the apocalypse and could pick one rapper to try to survive with, who would you pick? What rapper do you think would have the best survival skills?
Then, what if you could pick 3?
You can split it into a few categories if you want(for example: Mainstream, Underground, West Coast, East Coast, Horrorcore etc. you don’t have to do all those, just ideas).

Jesus christ dude. The last person I’d pick to help me survive would be a rapper. I’d take a 7-11 worker over a rapper cause ,at least, they know how to use a mop and deal with people. I mean, if I had to, I’d obviously wanna pick rappers I know and like as people. People like Aesop, Billy Woods, Rob Sonic, Despot, etc…but, assuming picking friends is cheating, I’d try to find a rapper with survival skills. Are there any separatist rappers? Cause that would be ideal. Those dudes know how to hunt and are extremely self sufficient. I feel like there must be one former Anticon member/affilaite who has become a separatist by now. Maybe Bubba Sparxx? I pick that guy.
As for breaking this down into categories, can’t do it. Like I said, rappers are some of the last people you’ve ever wanna lean on to survive with. Musicians , in general, really. Do you know how fast you’d die in the apocalypse if you had to rely on me? Mad fast. Like seconds after I died, you’d die but only cause whatever was killing me got to me first.

Rant: WHY do (some) guys need to sit with their legs so far apart in public spaces. Guys, are your dick and balls really that big? No, no they are not – ever. It’s gross to look at but more importantly these guys presumptuously take up extra space from the women they’re sitting next to. I’m travelling via bus right now and I’m surprised at how much this irritates me as I’m usually easy going. Blockhead, are you an asshole who sits with his legs too far apart?

While some dudes definitely overdo it with the leg spread, I hate to break it to you but it’s WAY more comfortable to spread them cause, yes, we have balls. There’s a reason not many men sit cross legged (the way women sit cross legged, I mean). Cause it smashes our nuts together. So, if there is room, a dude will generally try and spread his legs a little bit. Sorry. It’s true though. Remember, our stuff is external. It takes up space in a very central area. It’s more extreme on a guy to guy basis but , sadly, it’s real.

Do you/have you ever played volleyball?
Yup. When I was in grade school, we played it in gym class. I actually liked it a lot. I had a really good serve and was tall for my age so I was one of the only people who could spike it.
Sadly, I never played again. actually…come to think of it. I did try some beach volleyball once and it was fun too but, man, jumping and running on sand is tiring like a motherfucker.

At what age do you think you were the biggest asshole? I’ll give you an age range from 10 years old-35 years old.

Oh, that’s easy. 18-22. Not that I was an actual asshole. I’ve actually always been friendly and non-confrontational but, those years? Man…there is no one more full or shit, full of themselves and pretentious than a typical college aged white kid. At that age, I knew everything, was blindly idealistic about the worst shit and was so far from figuring anything out it was painful. The older you get, the more comfortable you get in your own skin. People who are insecure will probably always be that way but you figure out a way to be okay with a lot of that type of stuff you feel when you’re that age. Basically, 18-22 year olds are like open nerves. You think everything you feel and say matters. It’s a great time cause , for most people, real life hasn’t started yet. It feels like you’re an adult but you’re not really there yet. It’s like the minor elagues of adulthood. Things slow down as you get older and, surprisingly, it’s kinda awesome. Still, getting really old looks like it sucks so don’t read this as me big upping aging in general. I’m expecting this all to cap out somewhere in the mid 40’s and it’s a steep downhill ride from there. The saying “youth is wasted on the young” exists for a reason. Cause it’s 100% true.

Who is the more sensitive crowd out of twitter users and instagram users?
You know, a few weeks ago, i might have said Twitter but I’ve had a change of heart. I can honestly say, of the social networks (facebook included), twitter people are surprisingly the best. I say this as someone who speaks to fans and shit like that. If i were gauging from just personal friends, all three of these sites would be equally fine. but I’m dealing with strangers which is a completely different ballgame.
For all the spell correcting dipshits and the occasional overly sensitive “outraged” people on twitter, they actually tend to take things in stride. They get the concept of “this is just a joke”. Instagram is actually good for that as well but it loses out to me cause of the ability to flag pictures. That’s some censorship bullshit that’s happened to me a few times and it’s more infuriating than any twitter comment. I wrote a whole thing about this actually
https://phatfriend.com/2014/05/28/stop-snitching-instagram-edition/
But, to answer your question for real, Facebook is the worst. I had no idea how many dumb, over reacting, humorless people there were in the world until I started a facebook music page. Holy shit. It’s leaps and bounds worse, in terms of sensitivity , than both twitter and instagram combined. Just truly a hell on earth , in terms of that kind of thing. It’s basically a slight step up from youtube comments but only cause it’s not anonymous. If people could post anonymously on facebook it would basically be a scene from “Idiocracy”.

Song(s) of the day 7/17/14

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Ig’nant
M.A.T.H.
By Al Shid

http://www68.zippyshare.com/v/91927289/file.html

There was a long time in the 90’s, into the the early 2000’s where I bought tons of Vinyl. Not referring to stuff I would sample but things like Indie rap 12″ records and Lp’s. The thing about that era, for me, is that it’s both nostalgic and sometimes embarrassing. There’s so much music from that era that I loved that, for some reason or another, never aged particularly well. Underground rap is funny like that. I always contend it has to do with rapping styles of that era. People were going out of their way to sound different and, in order to do so, often found them selves out on a creative limb. While it paid off for some, others didn’t fare as well. For that reason, styles came and went. As did artists. Every now and then, though, a dude would come along that seemed timeless. Typically, it would be a more traditional rapper who embraced the underground rap aesthetic. This would sometimes be problematic for a few reasons
1)There was SO much music coming out back then, people often got lost in shuffle. Great rappers would just flare out for no real reason , other than over population in the record racks.
2)Because being weird was the thing back then, traditional guys would often get pushed to the side. In reality, these were guys who had potential for broader appeal but were simply in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I say all that, to intro these two songs by rapper Al Shid. He was a protege of J-Zone (Zone did the beats on both these songs. Let’s never forget how dope his shit was during that era). Shid was rude, direct and clever. He put out two 12″ records in 2002. These two songs were the jewels of the bunch. I distinctly recall walking into Fat beats and Breezly Bruin was working there at the time. We’re were friendly and having a casual chat when he was like “Yo, have you peeped this new Al Shid joint!?!? He’s a beast.” Honestly , I bought it off the strength of that (and J-zone) and did not regret my choice at all.
Bruin wasn’t lying.
Sadly, I don’t think his records ever took off like they should of. I’d chalk it up entirely to timing. Underground rap was on some postive, head wrap shit back then and I’d imagine a song about “Money and than hoes” didn’t sit well with a lot of people. It’s too bad though…cause I loved these songs…and I still love them today. So, here ya go. Enjoy the glory of Al Shid.

Defending My tweets Vol. 9

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Hello and welcome to another edition of “Defending my tweets”. This is where I show you tweets and either defend my shitty opinions or just further explain my point in more than 140 characters. That’s all there really is to this. You like aimless rants? Well, this is your lucky day.

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I’d be pretty oblivious to dating sites were it not for social networks. My instagram and facebook feeds are jammed with screen captures of dudes on dating sites being the absolute worst humans they can be. It’s actually impressive how bad they can actually be. So, this got me wondering if these dudes are doing it to be funny or cause they legit have no idea how to talk to girls. The thing is, it goes beyond these screen caps. I’ve had girls I know show me texted interactions between actual men trying to have sex with them and it’s mind boggling. Like, for instance, coming out the gate asking for head. OUT THE GATE. Not “Hey, what’s up? I saw your pic and you looked nice…”. Nope. More like “sup, trying to suck this dick or nah?”.
Part of me thinks there is no way a guy writes that with any sincerity. But, sadly, there other part of me thinks that this dude is literally asking every girl on Tinder if she wants to blow him cause, eventually, he’ll come across that one disaster of a human who’s like “Sure thing. You got weed?”.
Dating sites have transformed the entire landscape of how people hook up. For every match.com success story, there are probably 5000 tinder tales of horror. So, my idea would simply be a dating website where no one meets anyone. It would just be a data base of the worst profiles/people active on dating sites. You just look at peoples profiles and think “Nah, that quite alright cupid”.
Side note: 2014 cupid is a dirt bag motherfucker and has a phone full of dick pics ready to send.

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Are the days of “some of my best friends are black” over? Like , do people still keep tabs on that kinda shit? As the world slowly but surely heads toward a time where the average person will be more brown than pink, I’d hope that we all have come to grips
with the idea that people are people (spoiler alert: We haven’t). Simple concept, really. But, with that era seemingly on the outs, I’ve noticed something different. It’s very particular to white men though. Where “some of my best friends are black” was once a qualifier for someone who just said some outlandish shit, “My wife is____” seems to have taken it’s place.
We’ve finally reached the racial utopia in society where a person will marry a person of a different race and suddenly become an authority on all things related to that race. I didn’t realize that all worked through osmosis. What a feeling it must be!
Now, to be clear, I’m in no way saying this is the norm. Not at all. But I’ve noticed it enough to…well…notice. It’s kinda like that episode of Seinfeld where that dude converted to judaism just so he could make jewish jokes.
The funny thing is, I see it most with white dudes who marry asian women. Not only do they kinda usurp their culture (I straight up knew a dude who started wearing a gi out socially and tied his hair in a bun after he started dating this japanese girl) but it also opens the door for a weird kind of smugness where they, all of a sudden, are the oracle of wisdom concerning all things japanese/chinese/korean etc…As if , sticking your dick in someone repeatedly transfers their essence and history to you. In a way, I see how it happens. My girl is Serbian/bosnian and , honestly, I’ve learned more about the former Yugoslavia by dating her than I ever would have in a class room. But, still, it’s not like I can walk around and go up to a dude from Croatia and be like “hey man, take it easy on the serbs…some of them are good people who just love their country”.
I think my point is that a person’s race/culture is theirs. You can embrace it. You can love it. But just don’t be a “try-hard creep” about it. I realize being an “american white guy” is as boring as it gets but, honestly, it’s also the easiest thing in the world to be with the least consequences so, you know, don’t ever forget that.

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This one came about as I was waiting on the Lorimer stop on the L train. For those who aren’t familiar, it’s the second stop into Williamsburg, Brooklyn and one of the most hipster packed train stations on earth. Now, before I even get into this, I’d like to point out that people who hate on hipsters are typically hipsters in one way or another. Sure, I’d like to say I’m not cause I’m too old to be or whatever but , truth be told, as long as you’re paying attention to youth culture at all, you’re probably a little bit of a hipster. Especially people in urban areas. So, when I refer to “hipsters” here, I’m talking about the full fledged ones. The dudes and ladies who are on the cutting edge of every trend. The ones, for better or worse, that are defining this next generation with every blog and pintrest post they throw into the ether.
With that said, I can continue with a clear head…
I’ve always felt that real hipsterism and hip hop have had a really strange relationship. At least over the last 10 years. Once hipsters moved on from liking underground rap, things got weird. All off a sudden, former backpack wearing nerds would roll their eyes at any rap with multiple syllable words and they only opted to listen to variations of thugged out shit. Now, this is fine with me. I get this 100%. It’s strange how we grow older and lose interest in some things and gain it in others. Tastes simplify. This is not my issue. My problem is the “holier than thou” mindset I see amongst white nerds who get off on bumping the most ignorant rap they can find. This isn’t exactly a new thing. Don’t think for a second that, when NWA dropped, there weren’t white dorks everywhere rapping along to themselves in the privacy of their homes and cars like your man right here:

The difference now is that , now, there is a smug air about it. Like they’re really about that life. Which brings me to this kid I saw on the train. Dressed in clothing that I could only describe as “cloths people wore in movies from the 1960’s that were about the future” , looking like a child with a beard, smugly bobbing his head , with a screwed up face that looked like he was listening to a really extreme John Mayer solo. Only thing was that his Beats by Dre headphones were blasting what I easily recognized as a Waka FLocka Flame song. He wasn’t just digging the music. He wanted everyone to see how much he dug it. Similar to people who walk down the street, with headphones, singing/rapping loudly to themselves. No one is that unaware. Thing is, I wasn’t even mad at the guy. Dude is all in. He’s the 2014 version of Michael Bolton (from the clip above, not the singer) and he wins. I’m just some old guy with some ear buds listening to a podcast. I’m not even a factor.

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You ALWAYS have to qualify on twitter. Saying something as fact will only lead to 50 assholes pointing out that you’re jokey tweet isn’t 100% accurate. Case in point, these tweets. OF COURSE not all people who don’t allow page comments aren’t to be trusted. OF COURSE they aren’t all cheating on their significant others. I used to think the fact people take jokes so literally is either telling how poorly the joke is constructed or how completely dumb the people reading that joke are. But , nowadays, I realize that it has way more to do with people simply applying things to themselves and not seeing the big picture. Case in point, these two dumb ass tweets of mine. They got some retweets and favorites. But they also got multiple responses of people giving me other examples of when having a “no comment” facebook wall might be okay. To those people, I GET IT. You are the exception! Thanks for playing.
But, let’s be real, as many honest reasons as there are for someone turning off their wall comments (work related, family related) , you know exactly what I was talking about here. I was talking about normal people (single or dating) who simply don’t allow wall comments cause they do dirt and wanna limit the chance they get called out publicly/have someone accidentally blow up their spot. Maybe they’ve been “seeing” a girl for a while, she thinks it’s a relationship but the guy is still freely fucking tons of other girls. So, to make sure one of his side girls doesn’t write “So much fun last night!” on his wall, he disables it. It makes all the sense in the world.
It all makes me miss the days of Myspace, really. Cause you had to approve comments. You could never really be blindsided on Myspace. Facebook, however, doesn’t give a fuuuuuuuck. Not only do they just allow anyone you know to write whatever they want on your wall (I’m sure you can make the settings so that comments need approval but play along anyway), but now it’s like facebook wants me to see EVERYTHING. For instance, why the fuck am i seeing posts by people i don’t know simply cause someone I know commented on it? I’m a nosey dude but that’s too much for even me.
Still, we’re all adults here and I’ve found that ,on social networks, when people are hiding something, they have probably got something to hide. I got enough beef with all you private profile assholes on Instagram…but you “no comment on my facebook wall” ass dudes? Can’t truss’em!

Yay or Nay- Where are the now?

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I was surprised to see I’ve been doing this these “Yay or Nay” posts for a few years now. I was curious to see how some of these guys fared , so I dug in the crates. This is pretty much an update or how the music life has treated some of the artists I spot lighted a while back. Let’s take a look…

Chance the rapper
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When we last saw him…
He had just released his video for “Juice“, It was going well and his trajectory was definitely on the up and up.
This is what you thought of him:
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Since then…
He released on of the more critically acclaimed albums of last year in “Acid rap“. He was featured in XXL’s annual freshman Class , did a song with Childish Gambino and performed at lallapalooza (that still happens?). I’m not sure but I’d guess he was touring pretty successfully right now and , well, things are good for him.

Looking back…
To me, he was one of those rappers who I clearly see has star potential and broad appeal. That said, while his album Acid Rap was good, I didn’t find myself checking it that much. It’s more just a preference thing to me. Kinda like Kendrick Lamar. undeniably talented, just not for me personally. But, fuck what I think cause Chance is pretty much lined up to be one of the next big things in rap music in the very near future.

Spark Master Tape
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When we last saw him…
He had released one mixtape “Syrup Splash” and the lead single from his next mixtape “Half of Nepal“. Due to the mystery surrounding him, there was as much talk about who is as there as about his actual music.
Here’s what you thought of him
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Since then…
He dropped his second Mixtape “The #Swoup Serengeti“. SMT is definitely one of those “You love it of you don’t” kinda acts. He remains a complete mystery. That said,I’ve seen some amazing detective work done online to figure out who he is. While this research could be faulty , it looked on point and all I can say is he is no one any of us have ever heard of prior to SMT. He’s also apparently not even from North America…which is fucking mind boggling to me. Whatever though…keep making the good music and he could look like the netherlands soccer team for all I care.
From what I hear, he’s got a new mix tape dropping this year.

Looking Back…
I fucking love this dudes music. All of it. His last mixtape was easily top three for me last year and I can’t wait for his new shit. When I posted his music, initially, i was expecting my readers to loath it. After all, you guys generally don’t react well to rap about guns, drugs and basic low life behavior. But the response was shockingly positive and I was pleasantly surprised.
To this day, pretty much both of his mixtapes are in my Ipod and get run on a weekly basis.

Milo
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When we last saw him…
He was churning out ep’s and gaining a strong fanbase. He had just aligned himself with west coast crew “The hellfyre club” and was touring extensively.
Here’s what you though of him
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Since then…
He’s been as prolific as any artist I can think of. He put out three ep’s in 2013, did a ton of guest spots, was featured on the Hellfyre clubs mixtape “Dorner Vs Tookie”, as well as putting out music almost daily on his bandcamp. Looking at his numbers in the poll, he’s probably one of the most overwhelming “YAY!” votes I’ve had.

Looking back…
I was honestly on the fence about the guy. Not cause of a question of his talent, but more the style of rapping he did. I wasn’t sure it was for me or not. Clearly, you guys felt strongly about him though so it would appear that you guys saw it all a long.

Wiki AKA RatKING
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When We last saw him…
He was just calling himself Wiki. He had a few videos here and there and there was talk of him being signed to XL records. Thing is, between the videos I posted and his next release, it appeared as if he had just not panned out. I saw very little new music and what I did see was kinda noisy hell. I kinda assumed he had flared out. Well, that was as wrong as wrong can be…
What you guys though of him
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Since then…

After being quiet for about a year (apparently they were working on the album and perfecting their live show), Wiki came back with a group called “RatKing”. Now signed to XL, they just dropped a really good album called “So it Goes“. The group did a great job of blending Wiki’s rappity rap roots with futuristic production, all while maintaining a cool punk rock aesthetic , without making noise rap.

Looking back

When I first heard Wiki, he seemed like a quintessential NYC type rapper. He could rap, had a ton of energy and seemed hungry. He reminded me of a young Cage. I gotta say though, he surprised the shit out of me with the direction he took. Not only that, but the fact it worked so well. Even as a fan of his earlier work, I would never have guessed he’d go where he did and I’m glad it went that way.

Intuition
Intuition
When We last saw him…
He was two solo albums deep and dropping new videos every so often. Intuition had a loyal but small following. He was always one of those dudes I saw as having the potential to be VERY BIG. Aside from being a skilled rapper who makes really good songs, he was a white guy that girls like , who rapped about his feelings. That’s a huge market right there.
Here’s what you guys though about him
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Since then…
He’s been a busy guy. Not only did he finally release his album with his production partner Equalibrum (Entitled “Intuition and Equalibrum“) but he’s been doing a really awesome Podcast called “Kinda neat“. It’s basically like Marc Maron’s Podcast but with underground musicians.

Looking back…
He’s taking his time with releases but he’s one of the more focused artists I know. Very attentive to details in both the songs he makes and how he uses social media/the internet to his advantage. While he’s definitely a “type” of rapper (if #barz are your shit, you will not be on board with Intuition) he’s one of those dudes I keep waiting to see blow up on a major scale. I mean , shit, he’s much better than Macklemore and look how well that dude is doing…

Shirt
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When we last saw him…
He was known as T.shirt. He had a few albums on Bandcamp but had really gained exposure for his song “Automatic“, which had a crazy video to go with it.
Here’s what you guys thought of him
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Since then…
It’s seemingly been an interesting ride for Shirt. He drops mix tape songs here and there, gets love on hot 97, seems like he might be taking his music in one direction (more mainstream) but then drops his new mixtape “Rap“, which was both awesome and anything but mainstream. He also pulled a prank where he made up a new york times article about himself and posted it online. It was actually pretty awesome.

Looking back…
He’s a curious dude. He clearly has a game plan but , I’ll be damned if I can figure it out. All i do know is that he makes good music. He’s got good taste in beats too. He has an air of mystery to him simply cause , at least it seems this way, he doesn’t really give a shit about blowing up off his music. It’s like he makes money elsewhere and does music for fun. Honestly, dudes who do that tend to often be great cause they’re not trying to please anyone.

Answers for Questions vol. 195

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Good day everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for Questions”. You ask it, i answer it. It’s the least complicated concept on earth. If you’d like to join the fun, feel free to send me questions. Either email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments section below. As always, keep it interesting. These answers are only as good as your questions.
Anyway, let’s see what’s popping this week…

Was it surprising that Aesop wanted to produce Skelethon primarily by himself? Considering you two have worked together so heavily on his other albums.
And do you think you two will work together on future projects, even if it’s not as much as, say, Labor Days?

Aesop has always made beats. I feel like a lot of people don’t realize he produced almost half of both Float and Labor Days and most of Appleseed. He’s been doing it as long as I have. Prior to Skelethon, he had been really digging into beat making more than ever. He did the whole Felt 3 album and that Nike Running thing was in a zone with making beats. So, when it came time to do that album, i wasn’t surprised at all that he opted to do it all himself. On top of him just really embracing the production side of things more than ever, he also lives like 3000 miles away from me and understandably didn’t wanna make an album over email. We did some of that with “None Shall Pass” and , while that stuff came out awesome, I fully get the concept of actually working together in the same room being a crucial creative element.
As for future stuff, I dunno. I’d hope we do but you never know. I stay doing remixes for him and we did a song together last year that’s supposed to come out somewhere at some point but, beyond that, I suppose it’s a matter timing and what projects he decides to work on in the future.

Which Roger Hargreaves character would you be for the Mr. Men book series? (you can make it up, doesn’t have to already exist)
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I used to loooooove these books. In fact, it’s safe to say, my enjoyment of reading peaked with these.
It’s hard to limit myself to just one of these guys. I mean, I’m a mix of so many of them. I’d say I land somewhere between Mr. Rush, Mr. Happy and Mr Lazy.
I’ll tell you who I’m not…Mr Tickle. Cause that creep is like a walking court case waiting to happen. Don’t ever bring your kids around Mr. Tickle.

Hey block, I’ve been listening to your podcast and I think you n po are doing an awesome job, very entertaining stuff. But let me turn the tables here, I’d like to ask you what podcasts you got in the rotation? and also if you had the chance to be a guest on the podcast of your choice, which would it be? I know this may sound an awful lot like someone asking what albums you been bumping or favorite song or some shit, but trust me its nothing like that. cheerz!

I listen to a decent amount of Podcasts. The ones I bump on the regular are “The Champs”, “Call chelsea Peretti”, “Comedy Bang Bang”, WTF, “Uhh yeah dude”, Bill burr’s “Monday morning Podcast”, “Desus Vs. Mero” and “Who Charted?”. Other I listen to , depending on the guest, are “Shots Fired”, Jay Mohr, Joe Rogan, “Fitzdog Radio”, “Kinda Neat”, “Who did this get made?”, and “Combat Jack.
Of the ones I’d like to go on? I mean, I feel like The Champs and WTF would be the most fun for me. I’ve done Shots fired and Kinda neat and they were both awesome to be on. But being on a non-music based one would be interesting.

So I wear sunglasses on the subway sometimes. The reason being is that sometimes I get migraines (with aura) so if I feel one coming on or if one has already started, those glasses help. I know I probably look like an asshole, and I’m totally fine with that, but how much of an asshole do you think I appear to be?

Anyone who wears sunglasses indoors looks like an asshole. I understand you have your reason and that’s perfectly acceptable BUT, it doesn’t change the fact that you look like a dickhead. It’s like the L.A. dude who wears a wool hat in 90 degree weather. Maybe he has a really cold head all year around? But, even if he does, he looks like a dipshit.
That said, you can do whatever you want. Don’t like societies rules of proper sunglass conduct hold you back from stopping your migraines. Seriously, if it makes you feel better than fuck what people (and me) think. Besides, you don’t know us and you don’t owe us anything.
And, who knows, I’d venture to bet there are a few people who see it and think “Whoa…that dude must be a bad ass…he’s got sunglasses on…IN DOORS!”. It’s basically the adult version of a little kid wearing a leather jacket that reads “bad to the bone” on the back.

What do you admire about your mom?

My mom is awesome. It’s hard to pick specific things about her that I admire cause she’s a pretty all around person. She’s smart, open minded, reasonable and patient. She’s fair and also can cook really well when she feels like it. Also, she made me, which was really awesome of her to do.

Sex questions Speed round:
Is there anything that women get to do that men usually can’t do which makes you envious? (dig deep – I’ll be disappointed if the only answer you can come up with is: they can have sex whenever they want).

Give birth! just kidding. That sounds like the worst. Hmm…I actually am not envious of women from a sexual angle at all cause, well, they gotta deal with men. That’s must be a nightmare. As men, we just have to stick our dick in things, move it around and that gets the job done. It’s so much more complicated and mental for women. I want no part of that. I’m sure the payoff is better (Judging from male and female orgasms, it’s not even close) but, still…sex is something I’d like to simplify, not make more confusing.
So, umm…envious…hmm…This is tough. I feel like the answer here is to be able to feel a certain level of emotional bond with another person but, i dunno…I’m not envious of that at all either. I like being a soulless robot.
I’m sure there are a bunch of things I’m just obviously overlooking but, I gotta say, I’m stumped. It should also be noted, I’m not a particularly envious person by nature.
So, My answer is gonna be to have better flexibility and higher pain threshold. Seems like a cop out but it’s the only thing I can come up with that makes any sense.

Are you a fan of squirting? Referring to both watching it in porn and in life.
In real life, it’s cool. It’s definitely not something you wanna deal with every day. I mean, who does that much laundry? But, when it happens, it definitely feels like you’ve accomplished something.
In porn, i don’t really get into it. Partially cause it’s fake 99% of the time and partially cause the excitement of making a girl squirt is that YOU make that girl squirt. I don’t give a shit about seeing some other dude make it happen.

Have you ever noticed an errant nipple hair while touching a woman’s boobs?
Once or twice. I’ve never been faced with a hairy titted lady though. Just , like, one little hair here and there. It’s no big deal.

I think that the most common general fantasy that women have while masturbating is unrestricted sluttiness and variations on that theme. There will never be a concrete answer for this obviously, but what do you think women tend to masturbate about?

I’ve spoken to many different women at length about this cause I find it fascinating. So, off the bat, there is no general answer to this. The only thing I have gathered is that women have much better imaginations than man AND a lot of their fantasies are based in very specific situations. The attention to detail is crazy. Like , i know a girl who told me she masturbated to a look a guy gave her. Meaning, she’ was flicking her bean to a look that, in her fantasy, lead to a conversation. She said they didn’t even have sex in her mind. It was about the build up. As a dude, do you know how crazy that sounds? But, then again, on the other side of things, I’ve spoken to girls who will just be like “Yeah, i just imagine this guy I like fucking me in a nice place”. So, yeah…I’d say you guys are all over the map. Meanwhile, dudes just scroll through porn videos with their dicks in their hands looking for that one thing that makes them say “eh…i can finish to this…”.
Humans are beautiful creatures.

Yay or Nay: This new Camp Lo song

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Thanks to wonders of google (and my fleeting memory), I just looked up how long ago Camp Lo’s debut album, Uptown saturday Night, dropped. 1997. Honestly, I would have guessed it came out earlier but maybe that just goes to show how timeless an album it is. But, still, 17 years is a long time. In one year, we will all be able to have consensual sex with that album in all 50 states of the US. That’s a big deal. Anyway, I bring that up because I feel Camp Lo is one of the more down low consistent groups of all time. Sure, all their albums post “Uptown Saturday Night”, may have slipped under the radar but, quality wise, they’ve never really faltered. Not only that, but they’re also a group that I can confidently say have never sounded like anyone else. Or dressed like anyone else, for that matter.
Well, it’s 2014 and apparently they have a new album dropping on Nature sounds records. An album entirely produced by legendary beat maker Ski Beats. The same dude who did all of Uptown Saturday Night. As a fan, I’m pretty excited about the whole thing. The first song leaked off it this week and I’m wondering what your take on it is. What do you think?

Preview reviews of movies I’ve never seen Vol. 6

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Hi there. Movies are expensive, AMIRITE?!? Sometimes, all you need to see is shown in the trailers. I’d venture to say the majority of movies we see are worse than their previews. So, Instead of wasting two hours and 15 bucks on sitting through some crap I know I’ll hate, I opt to review the trailers. It’s a time saver and, honestly, I have a pretty high success rate with these reviews. I definitely didn’t get “Gravity” right but, come on…who saw that one coming?
Anyway, join me as i talk entirely out of my ass about movies I have never seen.

Horrible bosses 2

Sequels are a curious thing. 95% of the time they’re terrible but , at least, I understand why they exist. The original movie made some people a lot of money so those people wanna cash in again. In the case of things like The Hunger Games or Lord of the rings, it’s makes all the sense in the world. I don’t care about either of those franchises, but I get it. However, comedy sequels are a problem. Right now, I’m sitting here trying to think of a really good comedy sequel. I recall loving Police Academy 3 when I was a kid. Bill and Ted’s second movie was actually better than the first one. Adam’s family values, Naked Gun, Airplane…so, it’s not like they haven’t existed BUT, in general, comedic sequels are the worst. Anyone who’s seen the newest Anchorman can attest to that.
In the case of “horrible bosses”, we have a movie that was pretty wack to begin with, didn’t need a sequel and , honestly, could have just been left alone to become a mild cult favorite for dumb people that plays on Comedy Central 5 times a week. That’s should be “Horrible Bosses” legacy, at best. But, instead, they opted to get the whole cast together and pretty much do the norm for comedy sequels. Follow the exact same formula as the first one , rehashing old jokes and basically giving the consumer exactly what they want…to a fault.
So, depending on where you stand, this could be a perfectly fine movie. If you’re the type who likes to repeat catch phrases from movies all the time, this might be your shit. If you loved “Horrible Bosses” and thought “man, I’d love to watch this again, I just wish it could be done where all the scenery in the first one was subtly changed and the lines were different…but it’s the exact same film”, then this will be a game changer from. Keep in mind, I’m basing this off the trailer but I’d pretty much bet my life on this prediction.

Reach Me

This is like if the makers of the Expendables and Sharknado joined forces. The casting power of the Expendables , getting every character actor from the 90’s and b-list non-star they could find (Nelly! E from Entourage!) crossed with whatever type of cameras they use to make those sci-fi channel movies. I think it’s hand held camcorders but I could be wrong about that. This is an ensemble fucking cast right here. Kevin Bacon not being in this movie is a minor tragedy.
As for the movie itself, I honestly have no clue what’s going on. Seems like one of those “everyone’s got their troubles, can’t we all find a common ground” kinda movies that consist of a lot of people giving knowing looks to one another after someone yelling life advice at them. You know…that kinda movie. Basically, this is like if someone made a movie about shitty advice. Did i mention Nelly is in it? Andelay andelay mami e-iiiiiiiii! What’s poppin’ tonight!

Hercules

Now, I have no intention of seeing this but I’m of the school of thought that The Rock is the perfect action star. I fucking love him. Even though i’m pretty sure hercules was not a samoan/black dude, i think casting him in this gives it the best possible chance to be not terrible. He’s huge, charming, funny and his acting level perfectly fits what roles like this call for. That said, there seems to be a problem with action movies that take place in olden times of armor and chariots. The problem is that they tend to fucking suck. It’s funny that a TV show like “Game of Thrones” came along and knocked it out the park, meanwhile, all these types of fantasy/action movies seem to suffer from the same bullshit. Corny effects, terrible scripts and, most of all, lead actors that can’t carry the movie. While I’m pretty sure this will follow suit in the first two departments , at least I know the Rock will do his best to make this watchable.

Let’s be honest. What people wanna see , with movies like this ,is action , cool special effects and violence. That’s it. In general, action movies are best when they trim the fat (love stories, emotional plot lines) and just go hard in the paint. Take the recent judge Dread remake. It was literally an hour and half of violence and it was fucking awesome. How much better would every Godzilla type movie be if it began with the attack and ended with the creature being killed (or whatever). All the dumb backstory doesn’t matter. No one cares why. We just wanna see crazy shit happen in a visually stimulating way. That said, This movie is probably rated PG-13 so it doesn’t even have a chance but, goddamnit, I’m still rooting for the Rock.

Get on up
Jimi: All is by my side



Here’s a two for one. Two music biopics coming out soon. In one, we have the guy who played Jackie Robinson playing James Brown (Dude has the biopic game on lock, dun). The other , we have Andre 3000 playing Jimi Hendrix.
Now, I have a funny relationship with musician Biopics. I’ll watch any of them (on Tv) but I generally think they’re terrible movies. Cadillac Records, ray, Walk the line…all watchable but, overall, crappy movies. I think it’s hard to make a movie about someone who was so revered without falling into common traps. The “roller coaster ride of a life” story is one that comes up in every one cause, well, that’s how they lived. Ups and down. It’s not like the film director and writers is gonna skip all that. They can’t. So, it not their fault. These moves are set up to be corny. Even when they end in tragedy, heartstrings are getting pulled in a manipulative way. This is fine and all but I think my issue is that, when making a movie about a music legend, they tend to do it with kid gloves. Sure, they’ll show them during the bad times, strung out on drugs and cheating on their wives. But, outside of that, they’re fucking saints. i know it’s a lot to ask for and it would be disrespectful to the families but, just once, i’d like to see a biopic where they portrayed the star like the asshole he was. Let’s be honest, musicians are some of the most selfish and self centered people on earth. Let’s see that expressed on the big screen! I bet they could make a movie about Ty cobb’s life and they’d still find a way to make it sentimental. Just once, I want a famous talented person to die in a movie about them and feel like “You know what? It was his time to go…fuck that guy…”
In the case of these two movies, The james brown one seems more interesting to me. Simply cause I’m more curious about his come up. Also, unlike the Jimi Hendrix movie, they got the right to use his music in their film which is gonna make a huge difference. Meanwhile, the Jimi movie is gonna have clips of him performing weird versions of songs they couldn’t get the licensing for. Hits such as “Purple hanes” , “Foxy woman” and “all along the seetower”. And , listen, Andre 3000 is a fantastic rapper. We all love him. But he’s not a good actor. He might one day be one, but just from the clips in this trailer, it’s clear he’s not there yet. I know we’re all programmed to love everything that dude does (for good reason, he’s unbelievably talented) but acting is not one of his gifts.
While, it sounds like I’m shitting on these movies, rest assured, i will watch them on cable. Over and over again. I think i’ve seen “Ray” like 15 times by now. I’m a sucker for music based movies. The key word there is “Sucker” though.