Answers for Questions vol. 208


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Helllooooooo. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask it, i do my best to tell you how I feel about that. If you’d like to ask me anything, my ears are always open. Leave questions in the comment section below or email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com. All I ask is that you try and keep it interesting. If your questions sound like something a college journalist might ask me in 2005, skip that question.
Oh, side note, I’ll be hitting the south for some shows this week from thursday to sunday. If you live in or near Ashville, Atlanta, Pensacola or Jacksonville, come see your boy. Peep my facebook page (The real blockhead) for more info. Shut out to all the heads I saw in the midwest this past week. Thanks for coming out and getting down with your boyeeeeee.
Okay? Okay. Here’s this weeks batch…

Hopefully this is one that you’ve never gotten before. I know you do DJ sets for clubs and festivals; would you ever DJ a wedding? I ask this because I’m getting married next year and one of my only fears about it is getting stuck with a corny DJ who plays some bullshit that we hate all night. One of the solutions I came up with was finding a DJ whose work I am familiar with and respect but that pretty much just leaves hip hop DJs that are pretty well-known. Two problems that may arise would be 1: it would probably be cost-prohibitive, and 2: I don’t know if any respectable DJ would even do it. It really seems like the kind of thing that you get stuck with some dipshit who inevitably starts playing country songs and shitty dance songs that we’re not interested in. We are getting married in New Jersey so I’d imagine that only compounds the problem. I’m not asking you if you would DJ for MY wedding but would you ever DJ a wedding? Do you think any DJ with an ounce of taste would do it, or is it too cheesy? I really just don’t want people doing the Electric Slide and singing Sweet Caroline at my shit.

I have never DJ’d a wedding and I don’t think I ever would. Not cause I 100% wouldn’t want to but cause I’m simply not a competent DJ. The only real djing I’ve done has been low key nights at bars/lounges that were very low pressure and I could pretty much play what I want. That also required no mixing or blending skills. Beyond that, though, I kinda hate djing for crowds cause crowds generally have a certain taste in music that does no coincide with my own.
But, to remove myself from this equation and answer your question, you have a few options.
1)Fuck a dj. Make your own playlist and simply have someone press play and stop when it’s needed. That way, you pick the music and vibe of what’s going on. Sure, having someone Dj may make people more likely feel like it’s a party but, if you’re avoiding a crowd favorite playing dj , that’s clearly not an issue for you.
2)Hire someone you know and specifically tell them the kind of stuff you wanna hear and don’t wanna hear. I know a bunch of people who have done this and it’s worked fine. This person you hire doesn’t need to be Kid Capri. He can be any dude with a serviceable knowledge of how to use serato and a decent music collection.

Listen, by nature, Professional party Dj’s are whores. They will play what you want them to play if you’re the one paying them. So, if you hire some random dude and give him strict instructions, he will follow those instructions…cause it’s his job. I would only say that you need to keep in mind that, while this is your wedding, perhaps your parents and your wife’s parents might not wanna hear rap music all night. All I’m saying is consider all the other people as well. Having a few pop songs cued up for all the basic bitches in the wedding isn’t gonna kill you. After all, it’s a wedding. What could be more basic than that?

Sidenote: i’ve been asked to Dj a few weddings. Never said yes though cause…fuck all that.

If your farts had to sound like an animal, which animal sound would you prefer? Which would you not?

Fart question! poop questions younger and more wacky brother!
Anyway, I feel as if my farts already do sound like animals. Like the death wail of baby fawn. Incidentally, they can smell like that too.
I don’t think I’d want my farts to sound like a dog barking. That just seems like it would be explosive and mildly painful. I think I’d rather have them sound like a mellow cows “Mooooo” or maybe eve a kittens meow. how cute of a fart would that be? Though, in order for that to be possible my butthole would have to so tight I doubt any poop could ever get out.

Seeing as you’ve opened the floodgates to the bedroom producers with your Demo tape review, what are some common pitfalls or mistakes or just n00b-ass tendencies that the learning producer tends to make? How can one sharpen his or her ear to the sounds of n00bishness?
I’d say the most common is sending in a demo before you’re ready. I mean this in the broader sense too. Like, if you’ve been making music for 6 months, play it for friends and people around you. But it’s 99% of the time not gonna be ready for public consumption. So, a huge mistake people make is assuming just cause they create something, it’s special. It’s not. Instead of scrambling to get any sound you make get heard, keep working. Refine your skills. Shape your sound. If you’re making beats or rapping and you know , for a fact, that you sound like someone else, you’re not ready. Keep working until you’ve found your own voice…then let the world hear it. Like I said, play it for friends, get their opinions on it. Hopefully you have honest friends.
Another thing I would recommend is avoiding stock sounds. Not all stock sounds but ones that sound cheap. A huge complaint I have towards a bunch of the demo’s I receive is that the drum and synth sounds just sound weak or corny. I realize you work with what you’re given but there are ways around that. Effects you put on them. Tones that work better than others.
I come from an era of mining for your own drums sounds. We would chop up breaks to get a good kick sound. Or even sampling drums from other rap songs. So I have no patience for people settling on the flimsy drum sounds that come with whatever computer program you just bought. Drums are supposed to be a challenge. They often are what separate good producers from great producers. They took me YEARS to feel confidant about. Hell, I’d say i wasn’t confidant with my drums until after my first solo album…and I had been making beats for 10 years at that point.

What’s the weirdest/out there scene in a porno you remember viewing? This question is being asked with the knowledge that you’re “Mr. Meatn’Potatoes” and that you’ve never been into extreme porn.

“Viewing” is the keyword. I’ve seen some crazy porn in the “Hey dude, watch this fucked up porn video” kinda way. It’s never sexual and always terrible. Like japanese porn where they stuff squid into girls. There’s another famous one where a couple has sex on freshly killed bear. That was awful. Any porn that involves prolapsed anus’ is pretty much my nightmare.
But, in terms of my own viewing for pleasure, I steer clear of any of that shit and , generally, turn something off the second I see something brewing that might go in an unsavory direction.

Which is the best and worst MTV show of all time? Include an honorable mention, so that’s 3 choices in total.
Man, that’s tough. You got so many shows over the years. On one hand, you got stuff like Beavis and Butthead and Liquid TV but also a show like “The real world” pretty much changed TV as we know it.
On some cornball shit, I’m gonna say my #1 show of all time is “Yo!Mtv raps” simply cause it had a profound effect on my life. I used to rush home from school, watch “Video music box” (A local video show that actually far superior to “Yo!”), then watch “Yo!” and it was the best. I feel like , if they re-aired episodes now, I’d still watching it religiously.
As for the worst? It’s a tie between the ill fated “Lyricist Lounge” comedy show and Nick Cannon’s “Wild’n out”. Both these atrocities try to meld hip hop and humor in a way that makes me hate both hip hop and humor. You’d be hard pressed to find something less funny than either of these shows. Perhaps crib death or ethnic cleansing. In fact, if Nick cannon had a show called “Nick Cannon’s ‘Watch this crib death!’, it would only be slightly worse than “Wild’n out”.

What sorts of signals or characteristics does a woman give off that make a man think that she’s “a good time girl” in bed?

I don’t think there are certain things that always do. It’s really on a person to person basis. Like a hyper sexual flirty girl who dances provocatively may think she’s giving off that vibe but, in my experience, those girls are all talk and , more often than not, damaged goods. Same goes for girls who talk a lot of shit about sex. You know how many girls I’ve spoken too who say they give the best head? Tons. You know what the head game was like? Bullshit. The whole “All talk” angle is a very man like thing to do and , just like with men, it’s generally hallow and insecure.
I find the girls that I think would be the best in bed are actually people who are warm and kinda sweet. I know that sounds counterproductive in a way (cause “sweet” kinda can make you think they’ll be uptight) but , generally, a person who seems comfortable in their own skin and accepting of others read, to me, as someone who will be a good time. But, really, it’s hard to tell of characteristics cause the best lovers are people who truly enjoy the acts they’re doing. For a girl, to be into it is like 85% of the act , for men. No one wants to sleep with someone who’s not into it or is obviously not comfortable. Well, except rapists. Those pieces of shit clearly don’t care about all that.

13 thoughts on “Answers for Questions vol. 208

      • Yeah, now that you say that I guess it’s acceptable, because the English language can be so limiting and you used it in the general sense. Way different ball game from “Mom&Dad…I’d like to introduce you to my lover” bahaha

  1. Can I please please do an fmk for Po for the rogglecast?

    Daniel Tosh, Anthony Jeselnik, Nev Schulman

    (not sure why those 3 together make sense to me, but they do!)

    • I mean bad things have happened to them and, as a result, they are acting out in a certain way. Things like abuse both physical or sexual. Clearly, I’m not a shrink but it’s no secret that when people go through trauma (especially any thing sexual) there is a emotional backlash that will often make people act a certain way.
      If you’re offended by referring to another human as “goods” then that’s a whole different topic…cause I was just using a well worn phrase. It wasn’t meant to be literal.

  2. Q:
    You definitely strike me as someone who is cautious with their money (I don’t mean that in the cheap way, I mean it in the not spending on unnecessary things way). What age were you as an adult when you struggled to make ends meet the most?

  3. That’s my question about the wedding DJ. Since I sent it in, I’ve actually researched wedding DJs and I found out that you can expect to pay 2 to 5 grand just for some nobody to do it. The iPod route might be the way to go. I might just put Wyclef’s “We Trying to Stay Alive” on a loop for the whole thing. I love when they play that song at weddings.

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