Ask Dr. Tony Vol 41


ASKME
Welcome to another edition of “Ask Dr. Tony”.
YOu ask for my advice, and I do my best to give you honest solutions. I’m not a licensed anything but I will shoot straight with you cause, well, I don’t know you and have nothing invested in your problems. It’s no skin off my back to tell you the truth.
If you’re having some life issues that need an outside opinion, holler at your boy. Email me questions at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments. It’s all anonymous. This is a safe place for you and your problems.
Here’s this editions bounty.

So I met this chick and we really hit it off. She told me she had a slutty past but learned blah blah blah. I got along with her so well that I looked past that and also didn’t feel like I had the right to judge. Although it is applicable knowledge.
We hook up for about two weeks and shes telling me she loves me and all this shit. I never said it back because to me thats too early and kind of crazy. I rolled with it because we got along so well. Anyways, one day she stops hooking up with me and asks for space. I was fine with that and didn’t ask why just gave her space.She was a bit intense for me so I thought space would be good. Well we dont hook up again but remain friends.
A week later, we’re at a bar and she gets drunk and starts acting pretty “open for business” and picks up a dude right in front of me. I get pissed we exchange words.
Anyways, we become friends again but I told her I wasnt going to do datey shit with her because I’m not going to be that dude. She’s cool with that. But then one night we watch a movie and hook up again. She doesn’t remember because we were both wasted.
She flirts with me all the time. But then were at the bar again and she gets drunk and turns into the drunk “open for business” self and picks up a dude right in front of me after she tells me shes going home with me. I send her some mean texts drunk and apologize the next day. She tells me to stop being a bitch after I tell her what she did (she didn’t remember). I cut communication with her after we exchanged some words cause I don’t like to be talked to that way.
I still want to be friends with her but always feel real awkward as a friend and a past lover when she gets wasted at a bar and goes full blown sexual fiene. Other than that she’s an awesome person and I really enjoy her company. Half of me is like “Fuck no. Why would I ever want to date this mess?”. Other half enjoys her company so much that I start developing feelings. Should I just cut her off?

It sounds to me that you want to have your cake and eat it too. You don’t wanna date her, you wanna be her friend, but you also don’t want to see her out meeting other guys. Well, guess what? You don’t have any say in the matter. She can do whatever she wants. She doesn’t owe you anything. If this means you guys can’t be friends, then that’s what will have to happen. This “friendship” sounds based entirely on whether or not you can handle your own jealousy. She’s obviously less checked in on that emotional level (with you, at least) so she sounds like she’ll roll with the punches.
I gotta say, any time an ex lover writes scorned emails/texts, they lose. Straight up. It’s showing all the cards in your deck to a person who’s not even playing poker with you.
From the sound of it, you two could be friends, have sex on occasion and it would be okay. At least for her. But if this is something you simply cannot do without feeling some sort of way about it, then I think it’s best to extract yourself from the situation. It seems like, regardless of your history and your opinions of her actions, you do kinda like her (in that “more than a friend” kinda way). If you didn’t, none of this would bother you as much as it does. Otherwise, you’re just being overly possessive of someone who is definitively not yours.
All i can say is evaluate your true feelings about this girl and make a decision. If it’s too much for you to see her “open for business” it may be time to shut down shop for good.

Ok so about four months ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 months. It was arguably the most emotionally all-over-the-place relationship I’ve ever been in, and even with that in mind, It was the best. About a month after we broke up we bumped into each other, and thats when shit got complicated. It was basically one of those “one thing led to another” type scenarios and at the end of it I realized I was more in love with the idea of her than I actually was with her, so I had to put the brakes on it again, which really hurt her. That whole thing lasted about a week. Flash forward to the present, there’s this girl that I’ve recently met who’s honestly awesome. We’ve really hit it off and I feel like, it it all goes well, it could totally work out. My concern lies with the fact that I still feel really guilty about my ex. If I’m still feeling that way, should I just pause what’s going on between me and this other girl? Is there more of a waiting period? Or am I just over analyzing it?

Oh, the good old “memories are better than the reality” part of break ups. Been there, bro.
I’m not clear on where you guilt is coming from. Cause you hooked up with her again? I’m assuming that’s what it is and now I guess she thinks it’s a new start? Well, you gotta be a man and nip that in the bud. You already know it’s not going to work. That inkling you had of “maybe this isn’t the right thing to do” is usually spot on and will only grow if you were to stick it out and see what happens.
Unless you fucked your ex over, I don’t think you need to be guilty about anything. Relationships come and go. I’m assuming you’re not old and didn’t have kids with her so, what’s the big deal? A 10 month relationship is a blip of time, when you think about it. If you like this new girl, there should be nothing stopping you from moving forward. The waiting period is really on a person to person basis. If you feel ready to move on, then do it. If you think you can’t be 100% there for this new girl, then give it a minute. I would only warn that if this is all about the feelings of the girl you broke up with and not about how you feel (as far as being ready to move on) then you’re gonna shoot yourself in the foot.

this is going to sound so narcissistic, but I have a problem where boys get obsessed with me. ex. I’ve had 3 boyfriends all range in age and careers and hobbies and all have restraining orders

first one I married he was a year younger then I. nice-ish guy sexual we were to and fro he played music, skater, he joined the air force smart guy. threatened to kill me and then himself. I now have a military restraining order against him. only pot involved we didn’t drink. this was a 6 year relationship never cheated

next guy I dated was 10 years older, total douche, but really funny, went to college into space and science,
sex was awful two minutes every two weeks.
everything else was ok we didn’t fight or anything he just snapped because I called him out on our sexual issues and he ended up braking my phone so I beat him up with my bare hands and got arrested and went to jail for domestic violence until he got the charges drop because he’s family raged on him for being a little bitch. I started dating another guy not to long after him and I broke up. Then he started watching me across the street at my work and have my new guy jumped. restraining order against him as well. pot and alcohol involved. 2 years never cheated

next guy is the WORST the guy I mentioned in the story above as being the “new Guy”
This guy is 13 years older then I. Comes from a millionaire family, confirmed by his mother. He has a Doctoriet in Architecture , dated models and soap oprha stars, some of the best sex ever 22 hours is our max (drug free) 2 hours daily. cool right….nope dude was fucking crazy and used scare tacts and abuse to keep me around it worked for about a year he came to my job and called my boss with not nice things to say when I left. I lost a lot. breeze blocks by alt j video makes me sick it’s so familiar. I’m to scared to get a restraining order but I need one. Just a bunch of pot heads. never cheated

How I view myself, I’m not all that good looking. Not super advanced in anything not the schooling type. I’m fucking cool and pretty funny. super positive and optimistic but I love being a blunt bitch. Not stupid and I don’t like to argue.I like me but not as much as everyone else likes me. I’m amazing in bed.(the only thing I can think of why they are obsessed) I’m lazy but I have a lot of health problems that weigh me down. not to mention being stalked and the social anxiety it has produced. It’s not just them everyone that I open up to tends to crave my attention. It’s over whelming and fucking with my head.

you are popular and must get a lot of attention even way to much attention that you can do with out from the ladies for your musical talent.

How do you deal with that?

how does your girlfriend deal with that?

What is the craziest fan you have ever came across?

How did you deal with that?

how do you avoid crazy obsessive people?

I don’t wanna be a dick here but either you’re a toxic person , you attract toxic people or both. Normal people don’t deal with this kinda shit on a continuous basis. It’s like that person you know who’s always got beef with people and who constantly has inexplicable shitty things happening to them but they always find a place to drop the blame. When, in reality, it’s usually their fault. Very few people actually live under a black cloud. Most manufacture their own.
I honestly can’t compare anything that’s every happened in my life to anything you just listed cause I’m not that guy. I’m actually the opposite. I seek out calm and structure. I’ve never been one attracted to drama and , in general, I’m so even keel that it’s infuriated people I’ve dated. I don’t get super angry about anything (within reason). I don’t argue. I’m just not that guy. So all the things you’re talking about, to me, make you sound like a crazy person or someone who has really bad radar when it comes to finding appropriate people to date. I mean, sure, your sex could be really good but it’s never that simple. Pussy is pussy. Dick is dick. There’s a mental aspect to this all that probably is way deeper than you even realize.
So, to answer your questions, I don’t deal with that. I avoid people who are crazy and generally have my guard up.
My Gf doesn’t have to deal with it cause I don’t allow that toxic shit in my life.
The craziest fan I’ve come across? hmm…probably someone online. In person, the worst it’s gotten is just some person who won’t stop talking to me at the merch booth and who is clearly very intoxicated. But the online people can get pretty weird. The beauty of that is I can just not respond or I can block them from whatever social network they’re reaching out to me over.
I avoid crazy obsessive people simply by paying attention. Those types don’t all of a sudden appear. The signs are there. I’ve never met a person like that who I didn’t immediately get that vibe from and , at that moment, begin distancing myself from them. Those types are generally obvious. Unless they are sociopaths but I’m pretty guarded when it comes to really letting a person into my world. I’m friendly and will talk to anyone but there’s a line of trust and actually knowing someone that they have to reach before it becomes anything more than passing pleasantries.

4 thoughts on “Ask Dr. Tony Vol 41

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