Answers for questions vol. 217


green-mustache-2
G’day mate! That’s for my Aussie peoples.
How’s life? Great.
Anyway, this is answers for questions. You asked me stuff so I answered it. I’m always in need of more questions so don’t be shy. Ask me anything. Either email me the questions phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Get creative. It’s more fun when you do that.
Let’s check this weeks batch…

Have you ever found yourself feeling really grimy after masturbation? Idk what it is lately but right after I bust, I feel this short wave of disgust crash over me.

I think that’s a common feeling. There’s a certain grossness to the act that makes us all shudder a tiny bit , once the deed is done. Perhaps it’s the clean up process. Or maybe it’s the porn streaming on your computer that no longer is the even the slight bit exciting. In fact, it’s the best case ever for the “command”/Q option on computers (at least on apple) that shuts shit down immediately. Personally, the second I’ve “finished” I command/Q whatever is on so I don’t have to look at it any more. It’s not cause I’m ashamed of what I just watched but, really, if you look at porn outside of the context of something that will help you get off, it’s pretty fucking disgusting.
Slightly related note, this is why dudes who watch a lot of porn when they aren’t masturbating are weird fucking creeps. That just makes no sense. Porn exists to aid masturbation (or sex, I guess). Just sitting around and having it on is like a person who watches cooking shows all day but never wants to eat.

I was wondering what your opinion is on Albini’s take on the state of the music industry. http://www.theguardian.com/music/2014/nov/17/steve-albinis-keynote-address-at-face-the-music-in-full

Specifically, you just self-released your first album outside of a major (or otherwise) label, but have experience from within the machine. Also, on your most recent blog post you made a snarky comment about Spotify and how its going to earn you 15 cents while at the same time have mentioned in the past that you figured out the secret to success was grinding out the tours.

I’m gonna be 100% honest with you. I just woke up and really don’t feel like reading this whole thing. I read a few paragraphs but my ADD and general disinterest in reading long things on the internet kicked in and I bailed out. So, I really don’t know what Albini’s take is. From the parts I read, he seems to be leaning towards everything being fine. Okay. I could see that. Kinda. He’s from a different era , background and genre than I am so I really don’t know if the problems I have in the music industry are the same as him. I deal with sampling laws. I’m an indie artist. Always have been. When I started, the indie rap boom was upon us and dudes were moving units. This meant I made money on records I worked on. a partially cause they sold but also cause of how indie record labels crafted their deals. They were more artist friendly. Less tiny writing on contracts and more simplified. When internet downloading REALLY took off, I noticed money stopped coming in. So,I started touring more. It’s that simple. It’s not ideal but, as artists, we gotta adapt or die. I’d rather sit at home and make music all day than hit the road but that’s just not how it works anymore. My apologies if this is going wildly off topic but, like I said, you basically gave me a book report and I was never a guy who did well with those.

I just happened upon the booklet for Music by Cavelight. Isn’t it nice to have a visual aid to accompany your audio production? Just about a thing of the past now… shame. Anyway, could you please help us understand the pictures you chose to include? Who are all these people? Why are they important? How are they a piece of you? Perhaps include page numbers for reference. Thanks!

Also, I see you had a shout out to Vitamin Water. Have you noticed how much they suck since they switched to natural sweetener? I had a hard time accepting that my go-to beverage was a bust after that change… fuck… I still haven’t found a suitable replacement. Any suggestions?

Those are either family members or people who worked on the album. I Don’t have a cd or record in front of me but I can tell you the people in there include my dad (who passed away a years before that album came out and was pretty much an inspiration for many of the songs), my mom, Damien paris (He played guitar and bass on the album), Baby Dayliner (He mixed the album and played violin on it), Omega one (he did the scratches) and Aesop (Who I put there more as a token of my appreciation cause I wouldn’t have been there without him).

As for my shout out vitamin water, at the time , I was obsessed with that shit. They used to make a green tea flavor that I drank like 3 times a day. I got it in my head that, if I shout them out, maybe they would sponsor me and I’d get some free shit out of it. Well…it kinda worked. They sent me like 6 crates of free vitamin water. So, that was pretty awesome. As for how it tastes now, yeah…it sucks. I haven’t drank it in like 8 years with any regularity but it makes sense that they started using natural sweetener and it fell off. As for a replacement? I drink normal water but my go to shit is Honest tea. Specifically the green tea flavor. I love that shit and will gladly shout them out where ever I can…maybe they’ll hook a dude up. what up, honest tea? I love yall! Bethesda Maryland! Whattup!

I have an issue to be resolved between some friends. The issue involves morning woods and whether or not to enact on them. The morning wood is usually only there because of having to piss so bad in the morning, engaging in sex or self service could send the body mixed signals. Some people are in the “never trust a fart, never waste a bonner” camp, others are against confusing your male parts functions. I also have a friend who used his morning wood to have sex with his girlfriend and apparently had a little black out, pissed himself and woke up to his lady freaking out (he has no history of seizures), scary stuff. So some insight on the whole issue would be much appreciated. Thanks!

What on earth are you talking about? Morning wood is morning wood. You simple gotta let it go down, pee and that’s that. The “never waste a boner” idea is fucking insane. What kind of chronic masturbating rapist came up with that? I’m almost a middle aged man and I still get random boners sometimes. It happens. To need to beat off or have sex every time that happens would be obscene.
As for your friend who blacked out, sounds more like some other shit than his morning wood. Pretty sure you dick changing valves from “pee” to “jizz” isn’t gonna cause you to have a seizure.
I will say that a frustrating thing about morning wood is it really is your “best” boner. It’s the healthiest, biggest boner you will generally get so I understand wanting to put it to use. But, when it’s filled with pee, it’s hard to ignore that and , for me personally, that needs to be attended to first.

Who was the first person to start calling you by your middle name?
Was it something that you started, or did it just catch on over
time? How does your mother feel about it? Do you have anyone in
your life that calls you by your first name?

My friend goes by his middle name. But I’m that douche who calls
him by his first name. Moreso just for the sake of being a dick
rather than doing it for any legitimate reason. He’s even saved in
my cell phone under his first name. Years ago, we were on tour and
he gave his ID to another guy on the tour who was under 21 in order
to sneak the guy into a bar. The guy looked at his ID and was blown
away by the fact that his name was Brian and not Lou. They had
known each other for a few years prior, so he was also taken aback
by the fact that he knew his friend by a technically false name.

I’ve always been called Tony. Even though my first name is technically James. As far as I know, my parents did it. My older brother is the same way. His name is John but we all call him Nick. I have no clue why it worked out like that but the only time anyone ever calls me james is when I have to be official. Like dealing with credit card companies , boarding planes or getting a state ID. No one I know or who i am even remotely friends with ever calls me James. I don’t even react to it.

I’ve been living out of NYC for a few years, but lately a lot of
what I’m seeing online is people being very butthurt about how
inconsiderate New Yorkers are on public transportation. It made me
laugh, because I love how everyone thinks they’re a special,
shining star that deserves red carpet treatment 24/7– but I wanted
your take on it. Have you been noticing the same complaints or do I
live in some bitchy, complainy vacuum of overly emotional
princesses?

I haven’t noticed an influx of complaints really. It is what it is. some people are rude assholes on the train. To get overly upset about it is a waste of time, in my opinion. You’re never gonna teach that jerk off who doesn’t let people out of the train first before getting in that he’s a piece of shit. It’s in his blood.
Entitlement is a big problem in NYC. Especially with all the new people coming here who think they deserve special treatment. It’s hard to be sane in NYC if you’re walking around all day expecting strangers to give a shit about what you do and how you feel. NYC has a bad rap for being full of rude people but it’s not true. It’s simply full of people who don’t have time to coddle every person they come across. In general, we’re actually really nice.

9 thoughts on “Answers for questions vol. 217

  1. When I was about twenty, a very not-bright friend of mine borrowed a porno VHS from another more-bright friend of mine. It was one of those tapes of just clips of sex scenes, which were very popular at the time (and I guess that’s the way everyone gets their porn now.) The not-bright friend had the video for a week or two, then brought it back. My more-bright friend asked, “What did you think?” and my not-bright friend said, “It was okay,” My more-bright friend asked, “Well, did you get off on it?” (which is sort of a strange question to ask but I guess he wanted a consensus on the tape) and my not-bright friend replied, “I didn’t jerk off to it. I don’t jerk off to porn. I watch it because it’s funny.” That was perhaps the most ridiculous and unwarranted “I don’t masturbate” lie I’ve ever heard in my life.

  2. If it helps, I’m a woman and it’s the same feeling. I’d say I use porn about 1/5 of the time, there’s no mess to clean up afterwards, and I still need to commandQ that shit instantaneously. (sorry for being so gross!)

  3. Blockhead, what do you think is more offensive behavior – Not letting ppl off the train before getting on or not giving you seat up to elderly ppl

  4. I used to totally love porn til I got a job as smut peddler, working in a video store. The total creeps who used to come in for the porno just skeeved me so hard. it was totally gross to be like 17 through 21 I think, renting out adult films to creepy old dudes. My beautiful porno is forever unclean

  5. I recently went to one of your shows and thought the visuals were pretty sweet (you had some video footage mirrored across the center). Do you do all of your own visuals? If so, what do you use to make them? How specific are they to the song? Do you make any attempt to sync whats happening on the screen with the changes in the music?

  6. Yo that sentence about the seizure had me dying. (scary stuff) – hahaha

    When you’re playing ball do you allow yourself one wild/forced shot (mine is typically a drive) per game, being that if you make it you’re then granted one (MAYBE two) more? This is extended to all team members.

  7. Yo tony….so when u control Q, u have to use 2 hands, right?? So ur sayin u put ur jizz stained hand on ur keyboard?!? Ewww! I guess its no worse than swypin a jizz stained finger on ur smartphone 😦

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