Poetry has long been a passion of mine. Just kidding. I am a man without much passion who can barely read so poetry is just a bunch of flowery words to me. That said, I’ve always liked the simplicity of Haiku. There’s no escaping it. a 5-7-5 syllable structure. So, I’m sitting in a hotel room in Dallas with nothing to do so I decided to write some poems about variations of dickheads. I’m a poet. It’s official.
There are people who
go eat at nice restaurants
and write yelp reviews
Frozen pizza wise
The internet fights over
celeste or tombstone
I know some people
entitled cause they were born
they shit and piss too
Buddhist zen guy
So spiritual and free
has rage issues though
No TV for you
You read and brag about it
go live on the moon
There are people who
don’t know what food to order
but they make you wait
Facebook and twitter
friends family networking
full of dumb assholes
forty year old men
listen to music for teen girls
both irrelevant
Too many babies
in the airport with six kids
please stop having sex
Some people put the
Toilet paper roll backwards
they defend that choice
I know some people
offended by everything
fuck those people hard
I know some men who
always get into fights drunk
cause they hate their dicks
mommy and daddy
I joined a flash mob today
I’ll see myself out
No please allow me
to hold the door for you sir
don’t thank me you prick
Youtube commenters
never ever stop being you
but die slow as well
There are people who
tell you stop being judgmental
they are judgmental
You are a dickhead
and you don’t even know it
You parents do though
Phat Friend 
This is my favorite thing you’ve ever posted.
this is amazing! best post you did in a very long time!
Yeah this is awesome
All of this. Yes.
My favorite one is:
mommy and daddy
I joined a flash mob today
I’ll see myself out
…so much going on there
It’s getting warm outside and I need a HAIKU for the guys I keep noticing everywhere with that shorts-wu shirt-flip flops trifecta.
Sixty degrees out
White people in flip flops surge
Cargo shorts are trash
Thanks! Aha. I’ll repeat that in my head next time I see that (which I’m sure will be soon).
Haikus are not my forte. (Conciseness and brevity aren’t fortes of mine either).
No TV for you
You read and brag about it
go live on the moon
^ Frost. Whitman. Shakespeare. All hacks. THIS is genius
I am very curious, what do YOU consider putting the toilet roll backward to be. I had an old roommate that used to do this, but he insisted that it was the right way.
The right way is so the paper goes over the top, not to get pulled from below.
good, I definitely agree
Amen!
Classy as fuck. Should be a song. I’d jam that shit.