Demo Reviews Vol. 67

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Hi there! Welcome to another edition of “Demo Reviews”. You people sent me your music to critique and that’s exactly what I do. You asked for this. I am not responsible for you’re fragile ego so please take what I say with a pinch of salt.
I’m not accepting demo’s at the moment so please don’t send me any. When I am, I will announce it. You will have ample time to submit , just not anytime soon.
Anyway, the reviews work like so: I write a paragraph or two about the song then arbitrarily rate it 1-10 in these categories:
Production
Vocals
Listenability
Originality

That’s about it. Let’s peep this weeks batch.

Artist:Elephant is the?
Song: Ricky Bobby


This is one of those songs that has a personality but everything else about is pretty hard to sit through. The rapper has good presence and good voice. He’s not great at rapping but those two qualities can carry an mc. The beat, however, is really bad. Not only does it just sound cheap and flimsy, it’s literally annoying to listen to so. That high pitch sound in particular is super grating.
Production:2 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:3 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist:Norkus
Song: Veisalgia


I don’t mind this beat at first. I like the ideas it tries to pull off later in the track but I just don’t know if it works particular well. It sounds too cluttered. There is certainly good ideas in it though. it just needs the execution to be ironed out a little better. The rapper is pretty average. He’s just kinda there. He doesn’t have a commanding voice that asks for much attention.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Second Class Citizen
Song: Here comes the sun


This is a good mixture of old trip hop sounds with a much more current sounding instrumental music. The drums hit like some old 1998 shit but the sample and synth work is definitely not trapped in the past. I like it. Not a ton of stuff happens it but it stands as a song very nicely. Well done.
Production:7 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:6.5 out of 10
Originality:5 out of 10

Artist: Microphone Jones
Song: The Prestige Ft. Fast4ward & Mike Boogie


This beat is well made but, musically, kinda corny to me. It makes sense cause the song is corny. I’m willing to bet this artist has a song or two that would be more up my alley but they choose this one. Emo love joints…not my thing. The rapper is decent enough but, you know, he’s rapping about love and crap. But, like I said, the beat is well done and I can’t front on that at all. This song is more for girls and there’s nothing wrong with that…but I am a man.
Production:5.5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Noumenon
Song: Spasm


This title is fitting. It’s spazzy. It’s also kinda just one part with a few subtle layers. Not much too this and the main part isn’t exactly enjoyable. I always wonder when I hear tracks like this. How they even got finished based of that one main part. It’s just not even remotely a strong enough foundation to build an entire track off of.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Worshiprr
song: Visually arresting god


This is music that makes me feel like I’m simply too old to “get” it. Like, to my ears, this makes no sense. It’s a long drawn out build up to a whole lot of “who cares?”. It’s too tinny and , tonally, it just seems off.
That said, I bet there are a bunch of people in their early 20’s who think I’m crazy for saying all those things.
Production:3.5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:3.5 out of 10
Originality:5 out of 10

Artist:Luggage benFM Oxen
Song: Cherokaa PArks Ft. Doug Mule


This is kind of J-zone-ish to me, beat wise. The mix is a little bass heavy. Turn the bass down and Turn the drums up a little. So, you know, the beat is almost good.
The rapping is entertaining but not that great. I do love the old basketball references. Vocally, there are high points and low points. it just feels uneven. admittedly, that could be cause the beat makes it seem that way.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Mister Yo
Song: You’re wide open


So there’s a story behind this. A couple months ago someone sent me this to make fun of in my “This week in ridiculous rap” column. While I could have, i felt it was more bad than ridiculous. Then, i get this submitted for demo reviews, assuming it was the same dude playing a joke. Turns out it wasn’t. It was the actual guy. Weird. Anyway, this sounds like it was recorded over a burner phone and , while the rapper does say some funny shit, he can’t rap…at all. Like rhythm is NOT the dancer on this one. Points for being a total weirdo though. I do give it high points for listenabilty though cause it is kind of fascinating.
Production:2 out of 10
Vocals:3 out of 10
Listenability:6 out of 10
Originality: 4 out of 10

So, what do you think?

Fuck/Marry/Kill Vol. 44

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Welcome to another edition of “Fuck/marry/kill”. You know the game. It’s as stupid as it sounds. People sent in options and I oblige. As always, i much preface this by saying this is not meant to be taken even remotely seriously. I don’t want to kill or marry any of these people. It’s just a stupid bar game that I’ve expanded on. That’s all. Don’t be offended cause it’s not worth either of our time.
If you have interesting F/m/k options, leave them in the comment section below. Get creative cause I’ve covered a lot in the first 43 editions of this column.

F/M/K- GoT edition: Daenerys, Cercei, Margaery

Marry: Daenerys
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I mean, come on. Dat Pussy fire, AMIRITE?!?!?!
This is an easy choice as she’s the obvious #1 girl on Game of thrones (Though her hot assistant might be my favorite girl on the show). She’s the mother of dragons. Not that that means anything but from a physical and power standpoint , she’s the end all of pulls. It is a little intimidating that her two boyfriends have both been giant murderous hunks but sometimes finesse can persevere. Also, there would be a chance I could make a half dragon baby with her. Not sure if that’s a good or bad things though.

Fuck: Margery
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She’s sexy and manipulative. Put those things together and you get a real shit show of a relationship. The type that leave many men curled up in a corner , weeping, wondering what the hell happened. However, if you just keep it physical with her, I’d imagine it’s quite rewarding. Like, I bet she knows some tricks. Weird game of thrones tricks that don’t exist in the real world but involve hot rocks and liniments. Not to mention, unlike Daenerys , her past lovers have been children and sociopaths so I’d be pretty confidant going into this one.

Kill: Cercei
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Cercei is pretty but also a terrible piece of shit. Just an awful person. She’s crazy, fucks her brother and cousin, and is responsible for creating the worst/best villain ever, Joffrey. Obviously, she gotta die. I mean, every week, I wait patiently for her to meet her demise and it never comes. Kinda like this Winter they keep fucking talking about. What’s up with that? Winter has been coming for like 4 seasons now. How long is goddamn autumn in the 7 kingdoms?

F/M/K- going back to college, moving to a small rural town, or growing white-guy dreads and wearing sandals everyday?

Kill:Growing white guy dreads and wearing sandals everyday
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Kill me. Kill meeeeeeeeeeeeee. This just goes against everything I believe in. If I had white guy dreads and wore sandals, I’d try and strangle myself every time I walked past a mirror. The dreads are one thing. I mean, as lame as they can be, I don’t think that’s the worst. But the open toed shoes on men? That I cannot condone. This is a huge point of contention and I realize a large portion of you disagree but, keep in mind, I live in NYC. It’s just not okay to wear that shit here. You’re by a beach or in the woods, go nuts. But anywhere that revolves around walking on concrete is a no fly zone for that bullshit. Sorry. It’s the rules…that I made up…but I stand by them.

Fuck: Moving to a small Rural town
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I’d honestly probably lose my mind in a small town. I’m just too used to the amenities of a big city. Also, I don’t drive so I’d be stranded. On the bright side, i could wear flip flops all day and feel no shame (I still wouldn’t though…ever).
But, seriously, there is a part of me that thinks I could enjoy that slow country living for a little bit. I could never “marry” that lifestyle but I’d dip my dick in and see what it feels like. No harm in that.

Marry: Going back to college
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I dropped out of college. I hated school. I was terrible at it. That said, I actually sometimes wish I had stayed. Not for the learning. Definitely not. But for the social aspect of it. Living in dorms, being on campus with tons of other students. Parties. Girls. That stuff. Now, there is no way I could ever go back to college and do well as a student. It’s just not in the cards but , if I could go, get C- type grades and just live the college life? I’d be all over that. Not at my current age but, still…15-20 years ago it would have been so much fun.

F/M/K- cake, pie, brownies.

Marry:Cake
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I marry cake cause it’s got a versatility that Brownies don’t have. There are thousands of types of cake. Some of them suck but that’s beauty of cake…you don’t have to eat those shitty types. For instance, wedding cakes are usually pretty wack. But birthday cakes? Pretty awesome. What about ice cream cakes? That’s some next level shit. just thinking about all this cake is getting me worked up. I’mma go put my dick in an entenmann’s box and pick out a ring.

Fuck:Brownies
brownies
I love brownies. As a stand alone thing, I’d take them over cake. However, they’re limited. I don’t think I could eat a brownie a day. Well, I’m sure I could but that’s not the point. Variety is the spice of life. Sure, a sea salt fudge brownie makes my jaw ache but that’s just lust. I lust for brownies. I wanna fuck the shit out of brownies. Can’t say I wanna make love to them though. They are the perfect mistress.

Kill: Pie
Rhubarb_Pie
I’m torn here. On one hand, I’m not a pie guy. I think warm fruit is always gross and if given the choice, I pass on it always. Even non-fruit based pies aren’t my thing. It’s like they can’t decide if they wanna be cake or pudding. I honestly don’t know how anyone would ever take something filled with fruit over a iced, delicious , soft cake. That’s insanity to me. The only saving grace of pies is that they have a savory side to them. Meat pies. Spinach pies. I love that kinda shit. I would probably marry those alone but, alas, the warm fruit version has to come in a ruin it for everyone. Sorry Pie…

Fuck/Marry/Kill-Grace Jones ,Nina Simone ,Janis Joplin

Kill: Janis Joplin
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This is tough. I’m definitely not attracted to Janis. She’s always had that new born gerbil face that makes me think she got taken out of the oven a little too soon. Also, she’s one of those people who I can tell smelled like shit. A boozing, drug addled hippie? That’s a slight step up from homeless woman on the “how bad does the person smell” flow chart. I dunno. She had a great voice but she’s just not doing it for me. Also, the kill part would be easy cause she’s been dead for like 40 years.

Fuck: Grace Jones
GraceJones
Grace Jones is terrifying. I can definitely see her ripping a dick off with her bare hands but I think that’s part of the appeal. If Grace jones wants to have sex with you, you kinda have to do it, right? If for no other reason, the experience and story it would create. It’s one of those “just let yourself go” situations. Sure, i might end up a pile of bones in the end but , in a way, that’s really going out in a blaze of glory.

Marry: Nina Simone
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This was tough for me cause I had an inner battle between my heart and my brain. On one hand, Nina Simone is not a handsome woman. She’s also a tortured soul. That’s a lot of emotions being put on the plate. However, she’s easily of of my favorite singers ever and I can’t kill her. I’d also imagine she’s capable of a level of passion that is crazy. I don’t know if that’s a good thing but it’s something. Worst case scenario, i’d just listen to her sing all day and probably get murdered in my sleep. That’s fine. I probably deserved it.

Answers for questions vol. 240

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Hey guys, hope you had a lovely memorial day (that’s what it was , right?). It was just another monday to me but with a hangover.
So, listen, I need you help. I was just looking at my question pile and it’s getting somewhat thin. I need you guys to ask me stuff. Anything. Ask me multiple questions. Basically, I need content for this page and that doesn’t work unless you guys ask me stuff. So, please, go nuts. Try and keep it interesting but, hey, beggars can’t be choosers. Either leave the question in the comment section below or email them to me at: phatfriendblog@gmail.com
It’s always anonymous and there is no shame here.
I also need some “Ask Dr. Tony” questions as well so, if you need advice about anything, don’t be afraid to ask me.
Okay?!? Help me help you , while you’re helping me.

How often do you engage in casual conversation with strangers?
I’m not quite sure what this is asking. I mean, I’m a pretty friendly person and will always respond kindly when someone asks me something (which is common walking around NYC) but I’m also not out here chatting up motherfuckers like I’m the town sheriff in the 1950’s.
I don’t try to create conversations where there are none. Like, if I’m in an elevator with someone, I’m standing quietly. People who feel the need to fill every waking moment of their lives with talking are deranged and/or lonely. Basically, I live by the “speak when spoken to” rule.
I will say that I must have a trust worthy face or something cause I get asked directions on the street all the time. People will literally stop me while I’m listening to my headphones and ask me for directions at least 2 or 3 times a week. No clue what that’s all about.

When was the first time you told a girl you loved her? (Excluding that story from the rogglecast with the long-distance relationship, the phone…and the cat haha)
Well, that phone call was probably the first time I did say that…and it no doubt scarred me.
Shit…I’m the worst with that phrase. I hate saying it and I honestly haven’t said it much in my entire life , even when I felt that way. It’s not something I’ve ever thrown around casually with girlfriends and I still have trouble getting it out of my mouth (much to the dismay of my gf).
I think the first time I said it was probably in my mid 20’s to a girl I was breaking up with. Man…that’s fucked up now that I write it but it’s the truth. Prior to that, I had had a few girlfriends but none that I would say I was in love with or ones that I would have even humored by saying those words to them.
I feel as though , to some people, there’s an urgency to say that phrase. Like they need to be heard and they can’t contain it. Whether or not they truly feel that way or not. Being that I’m an emotionally dead/stable person, I don’t have that part of me that forces me to say that or really requires me to say it. So it never feels natural coming out of my mouth. Sad but true.

Do you have an opinion on the so-called loudness war? Is taking care of dynamic range any different when working with samples?
Is there a war on loudness? Or is things being too loud what we are fighting? Either way, I’m clearly not aware of it.
Since I have no idea what this is all about I’ll just take this time to say that the volume in which people play music at venues is fucking stupid. It’s too loud. I realize I sound like your grandfather complaining about that but, on this last tour I did, I routinely found myself holding my ears in pain cause I simply walked by a speaker. What the fuck is wrong with people? I understand needing to listen to the music they like loud so they can “feel it” but there’s got to be a happy medium where it doesn’t deafen you by simply being in the room. Not sure who to blame here. Sound guys? The audience? the Performers?
Just for the record, if my shows are ever too loud, it’s not my fault. I always ask them to keep the gain at a reasonable level. Some sound guys are just maniacs.

Unrelated to this current blog piece but Yesterday while looking for some Asa Akira porn your blog came up in the google search. That website name looks familar I thought. How did your interview with her come to light? In person , over the phone or email? Nice work!

I did an interview with Kristina Rose first. I know her in real life and she was nice enough to humor me. That went over so well that I figured it would be cool to do another porn star interview. Asa Akira had recently followed me on twitter so I figured it was worth a shot to ask. She kindly obliged and we did the whole thing over email. I pretty much just sent her a one shot questionnaire. I’ve never met her or anything and , honestly, I think I got her to do it in the nick of time cause she really blew up shortly after that. It’s still the most read thing on my blog on most days. The comments people leave on it make me very sad for humanity.

Did you voice an opinion on the east coast west coast beef in the 90s? Seemed like the east bred better lyricists
Being an east coast guy, I obviously rode for NYC in that but I was also a guy who loved a lot of west coast rap. I didn’t care THAT much about the beef. All I knew was that I liked biggie and thought Tupac was overrated. I still feel that way. But it really wasn’t that serious to me. At the time, I was listening to weird underground rap anyway so the whole beef wasn’t really something that was on my mind much when it was going on.
It’s funny cause I definitely knew a few people who took it all very much to heart. Like they would get passionate just talking about the beef as if they were somehow involved in it. Suffice to say, those people were morons.

How many times do you think you’ve touched your own dick in your whole life? And how many times do you think you’ve touched your dick today?

(I don’t about you but I love this question. Guys and their dicks! ha ha ha….)

In my whole life? There is no way I could ever know that number. That staggeringly high number. A million? a billion? Does jerking off count as one touch or is it a series of thousands of touches? Today might be easier as I woke up a half hour ago. Probably like 10 times today so far…but the day is young and I’m definitely gonna put some milage on this thing before it ends.
I’m casually touching it right now, as I proof read these very words!

Preview Reviews Vol. 11

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Movies. They’re cool and all but, sadly, most of them are a complete waste of time. Not everything can be the new MAd Max movies so, when that happens, I’m here to save us all some times and review movies I haven’t seen based entirely on their trailers. Cause, let’s be honest, we all “get” it. In those 2-3 minutes, you see all you need to know. So, allow me to get my Ebert on.

San Andreas

I think my favorite part about disaster movies is how realistic they are. Like that 9.8 on the ricter scale earthquake that tears apart the entire state of california…when that happens, y’all are definitely fucked. Unfortunately for you, you won’t have dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to save you. I’m pretty sure The Rock and Earthquake have wrestled in real life but this is a whole different beast.
This is an earthquake with feelings and anger. It’s not random or aimless. This earthquake, much like the tidal wave in “The day after tomorrow” or that other earthquake in “2012”, is a guided missile of hate aimed directly at who ever happens to be on screen. The Rock, however, is not having it. he’s gonna fight that earthquake. Maybe he’ll drop the peoples elbow on it from atop the Golden gate bridge? you never know! Can you body slam aftershocks? I suppose we’ll find out. All I know is that, when the dust clears and millions of lives are lost in this made up situation, you can bet that The Rock will be standing tall atop a pile of rubble, holding the women he’s currently fucking in his arms like a championship belt. Can you smelllllll who the Rock is fuckingggggg!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!

Aloha

Now, this is a star studded cast of likable motherfuckers. There is no denying that. I don’t doubt there will be some entertaining or endearing moments but hear me out…it’s a Cameron Crowe movie. To some of you, that brings a smile to your face cause Crowe has long been the manufacturer of likable movies about likable underdogs who do likable shit blah blah blah. I’d be lying if I said he’s never done good work but, at the same time, I’d also be lying if I said he wasn’t the epitome of “basic white person melodra-medy”. He’s got an equation and he runs with it. It works. This movie might as well be a glass of white wine being sipped on the deck of a hamptons beach house. This movie is wealthy but it also voted for Obama. This movie knows how to crochet. This movie knows exactly what side to put the tiny fork that’s possibly for salad or cheese (I don’t know) when setting the table at a dinner party. This movie is gluten free. This movie plays tennis on sunday mornings with it’s college buddies cause, you know, it’s a tradition. This movie secretly says the N-word when it’s alone.
Does this make it a bad movie? Probably not. But I wouldn’t really wanna hang out with it either.

We are your friends

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! This movie HAD to happen. It was a matter of time. Shout out to Max from “Catfish” for being the guy bold enough to make it.
The success/underdog story is no new thing. It can be interchangeable with any skill. Ping pong, bar tending, golf, child rearing. Anything. It’s really a sure shot way to make a movie people will sit through even though it always ends the same way and the same pitfalls happen every time.
In the case of the struggling EDM dj, this is especially hilarious. For many reasons…for one, they make it seems like being an EDM dj is some deep soul searching skill set. That’s awesome. Also, they make it seem like making EDM is an enlightening experience. They literally show this dude sampling the sounds of a stapler gun like a fucking foley artist. This isn’t Amon tobin…this is some asshole making ibiza molly music for teenagers. Oh, the life of an artiste!
Now, to be clear, I wanna see this movie. I wanna sit in my seat , seething. I want to inflict that pain upon myself cause , well, I just do. The same reason I sat through “Rent” or “Get rich or die trying”. Sometimes, you have to challenge your limits of human endurance. This movie will be like a clockwork orange moment for me. But I’m up for the challenge. When it comes to cable or torrents, that is. No fucking way I’m paying to see this piece of shit.
I should also add that Emily Ratajkowski is in this so I also might masturbate to it if it’s on and I’m alone. I only tell you guys that cause YOU are my friends.

The last Witch Hunter

This film is not to be confused with “The last bitch hunter” porn series, btw.
Man, to be the last of anything must be scary. I look at Vincent Diesel and feel his pain. I mean, in a world that was once filled with witch hunters, it must be a lonely feeling when you’re the last man standing. And think of all those witches that need to be hunted? There must be hundreds…thousands, even! That’s a lot of work for one guy.
As for the preview, do I hear an accent going on here? Was it british? I can’t tell. Diesel is such a versatile actor it’s hard to really put him in a corner with his dialects. It could be south african. Maybe just eastern european. Whatever it is, I’m sure he nails ever fucking word of it. He’s Vinny D! It’s what he does! He nails accents and kills witches. What more could you ask for.
Side note, if you’re excited to see this movie, you are a fucking moron. Is it me or does this look like the preview was made before the film was even finished? This feels like a poorly executed teaser , if anything.
Also, “You will be hunted” is definitely gonna take off as a famous tag line like “I’ll be back” or “My wife!”. It’s just so fucking catchy.

Yay or Nay: This new ASAP Rocky Song

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It’s been four years now. Maybe five. Asap Rocky has been around THAT long. Feels like just yesterday people were hitting me up on twitter like “Dude, how mad does it make you that he stole Aesop’s name!?!?!”. Oh wait, that was yesterday. You people need a hobby.
Anyway,four years ago I wrote a post about ASAP Rocky and how his music is somehow good against all logical hip hop snob thought. He hit a nerve. At the time, I was referring to his first mixtape, After that, I can admit I kinda lost interest. He released his major label full length and it just didn’t grab me. I’ve never been “Eh, fuck that guy!” but I wasn’t really into it so it just kinda evaporated into the background like so many other albums tend to do.
Well, he’s got a new album coming out. Honestly, when I saw this clip pop up I almost didn’t even check it. The list of “guest” names alone annoyed me. Not that I have a problem with Mark Ronson, Miguel and , umm, Rod stewart. It just seemed like too much. Well, I listened too it. I’m reminded that Mark Ronson is a really good producer. I’m also reminded that Rod Stewart had some joints back in the day as this song does not feature him as much as sample him. Is that what’s going on now? We sample people and they get credit like they recorded the song again? I have no issue with that. it’s just funny to me that that counts as a “feature” nowadays.
But I digress…let’s talk about this song. As far as I can tell, it’s a banger. I love the beat. Rocky does what rocky is gonna do. He raps about nothing very well. He’s the seinfeld of rap. Well, that may be giving him way too much credit but you know what I mean. The only part of this song I think is pointless is Miguel. It’s like they threw him on at the end as a favor or something. Perhaps they recorded him just in case they couldn’t clear the sample and , when they cleared it, they were like “Well, shit…we got Miguel singing already…we should probably keep it, right?”
Whatever the case, I’m sure many of you have already made up your mind about this song before even listening to it but do me the solid and check it out before you vote. It’s only fair. I like it and I was sure I’d never care about another ASAP Rocky song again. Life still does have some surprises , guys.

So, what do you think? You can vote for more than one option.

Answers for Questions vol. 239

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Hi Everyone! Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You ask, i answer. Wanna be a part of the magic? Well, it’s as simple and thinking of a question and asking me. Do that first part, type it and send it to me via email (phatfriendblog@gmail.com) or leave it in the comment section below. Ask anything you want. all i ask of you is to try and make it interesting. Get creative. Okay? Great. Can’t wait to hear from you.

Where was the sketchiest place you’ve ever done drugs?
I’ve never really been one to do hard drugs in sketchy places (or at all ,really). When I’ve done molly or shrooms, it’s been in safe environments. Does smoking weed count? Cause I’ve definitely smoked weed in some unsavory places. Creepy apartments in the hood, run down shacks in the burbs. Those kinda places.
In general, when I think of being the least comfortable getting fucked up I always think back to this random house party I went to in high school. Some girl from my school had a place in long island and invited us city kids to come party. I had assumed it was some fancy mansion type shit. We get there and it looked like a juggalo’s asshole. A fucked up little house with a lawn that looked like it had been burned. Out back there was a pool with brown water in it filled with years of discarded beer bottles. Her friends were all local scum bags doing weird drugs I had never seen before. The kind you get a super markets that aren’t meant to be drugs. I was just drinking 40’s like a civilized man. At one point, i was on some filthy couch with a friend and some random townie. He was smoking something that wasn’t weed. He proceeded to go on a long rant about how blacks and jews are taking over, casually dropping N-bombs like it’s nothing. It was literally the first time I had been around a truly , out the box racist. Shit blew my mind. My friend and I (both partial jews) just nodded and crept away when his high kicked in enough to not notice us. That was a shady night for sure. Half cause of the whole scene but also cause it was in the middle of nowhere and I would have no idea how to get home had I not had a ride.

I’m sure this has been covered before, but which rappers/producers do you think have the best twitters, instagrams, etc.?

Let’s be honest, musicians (ESPECIALLY rappers) are awful at social networks. Instagram is a little easier but twitter? Goddamn…Thank god for the “mute” button.
That said, there are some people who do a great job.
My man Elaquent’s instagram is mad funny. El-P has a good instagram. Rob Sonic is always good on both twitter and instagram. Open mike Eagle has a good twitter.
You know, looking at it now, it’s not that rappers/producers have a bad social network presence (I’m sure there are plenty of people who feel that way about me, btw) it’s just they post shit that doesn’t interest me. I’m sure their fans are into it. But things like pics with their friends I don’t know, food, tour buses, and their pets? Eh, I’m good on that.


If you had to be in a group like franky valley and the 4 seasons, which guy would you be?
Tiny super high pitched front man?
Low key super deep voice dude?
One of the mid range guys?
Why?

Hmm…that’s tough. It depends if we’re talking about my actual singing capabilities or if this is more about personality. I’d say, singing wise, I’d probably be a mid range guy but I can kinda hit some of those high notes when I sing from my throat. But , if you mean in a more metaphorical sense, I’d be the low voice guy. Kinda in the background but ,at the same time, holding it all together.

When does rap with rock influences cross into rap rock? Or is there a line at all?

Like when does it work? Rarely. I think the only time it works is when it’s done naturally. Also, all parties involved have to have an intimate understanding of what makes good rap music and what makes good rock music. The problem with the mixing of those two styles is that you got one rock guy and one rap guy. Neither really understand the other genre with any real depth so they’re taking the other persons word for it. There’s no middle ground for someone to be like “But wait, that’s corny!”. I’ve long said that the meshing of rap and rock has sucked since run dmc/aerosmith. There have been a few exceptions where people were able to find a really nice happy medium. Honestly, it works best when the rock dudes understand rap. Then they can kinda get in the pocket and adhere their styles to what the rappers do. Cause when rappers try to “rock out” it’s fucking embarrassing for everyone involved.

Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
let’s see…I’ll be a few years from 60.
I have no idea. I imagine I’ll have a kid or two. I also imagine I will not be touring or making rap beats anymore. Man…20 years from now is a scary prospect. So, I’mma go with “I’ll be a person who died in the great manhattan consuming tidal wave of 2032”. That’s an easy answer but as likely as any other bullshit I’ll come up with now.

In high school did you ever skip class, vandalize, or cause ruckus?
I was not that kind of kid. I mean, I did dumb shit but never on a major level. I didn’t get in fights or fuck up school property (outside of drawing on desks).Although I did possibly assist in throwing an entire desk out of a 3 story window. I can’t confirm or deny that though.
I don’t think I even skipped classes, which is funny cause I was someone who didn’t give a shit about school. But I was also someone who didn’t really think outside the box like that. Skipping class had consequences (being in school more) so I figured why bother?
What i did do was get kicked out of class all the time. I was somewhat of a class clown/wise ass and would get thrown out of class on a fairly regular basis for saying dumb shit. It was always in the context of the class though. Like, in 8th grade, I had this unmarried orthodox jewish guy teaching us sex ed. I didn’t know much back then but I was pretty sure he was a virgin. so, I thought it was funny that he was teaching us about sex. I once asked him ” But…What does sex feel like?” and he got furious and bounced me outta class. After that, I made it my mission to ask him uncomfortable questions about sex. He eventually kinda gave up on scolding me and just told me to shut up every time I had a question. It felt like a personal victory.

Demo Reviews vol. 66

Planet Hemp - Fita-Demo
Spring is upon us and Demo reviews stop for no one. Yes, it’s back! Tell your friends!
For those who don’t know, this is a column where readers send me their music to critique. No clue why , as the results are rarely good for either parties but I guess it’s a good way to get your music heard on a very small level. It’s pretty basic. I listen to a song, write a paragraph of two about it, then arbitrarily rate them from 1-10 in these categories:
Production
Vocals
Listenability
Originality

Oh, and I’m not accepting submissions at the moment, so don’t send me any. I’ll let you guys know when I re-open that up.
This week actually has a few decent moments. As well as the typical not so decent moments.
Enjoy and vote to tell me which one was your favorite.

Artist:I also we
Song: Null and sleep


This is an odd starting point. Not the typical genre I get. Not a genre I’d normally listen to. I can say it sounds like an unpolished version of something that could be good. That said, the singer is struggling a little. This is almost good. Some good ideas but, over all, the amateurishness of it is overwhelming.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Paradoxical
Song: Junk Food


I like this beat. It’s some mellow jazzy shit. Reminds me of some late 90’s indy 12″ I might have had on a mixtape. That’s just the beat though. The rapping is not very good. From voice, to presence to lyrics and flow it’s just not there. You can tell it’s being read and the rapper just sounds kinda uncomfortable.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:3.5 out of 10

Artist: Forget the Lotus
Song: Sunlight


This dude sounds like dr. Dre. Weird. I’m fucking with this on some levels. I like the samples and the variations of the beat. The drums suck though. Like, scrap them completely and start over completely cause the rest of the music is solid. The rapper is okay. He’s got a good voice but his flow is very normal and not very exciting.
Production:5 out of 10 (good drums woulda made it this a 6 or more)
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Master Clown shroom
Song: Verbal Columbine pt. 2


Who could ever forget Verbal Columbine part 1? The streets have been waiting for this!
just kidding.
This is some “barz” shit. The thing about “Barz” it that they’re typically boring as fuck and empty. These guys can rap pretty well. Nothing they say is particularly interesting or original but they have the strong skill set. Some more than others.
The hook is terrible. It sounds very….floridian. The beat is some trappy synths shit that isn’t really my bag. I think it’s a decently made version of that genre so it’s more a personal taste thing.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Dog Teeth
Song:Venus Sunset


This is interesting. Very drowsy and spaced out. I really like the production and the vocals are a nice compliment. I can visualize a teenaged girl listening to this in her bedroom while crying so that’s a good start. The only downside I see it that it lacks a direction. The meandering works but, i dunno, tighten up that song structure.
Production:6.5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:6 out of 10
Originality:6 out of 10

Artist: Saba
Song: Next door (ft. Lucki Eck$)


Is this being rapped in english? Oh wait..it is. Took me a minute.
I like the production and the rapper , as slurry and unintelligible as he is, is pretty good. This is music made for a younger generation than mine. I’m not mad at it and see a lot of potential. This is a person who fucks with lots of drake and young thug. His comfort on the mic is palpable though.
The beat is understated but very well done.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Rhizome
Song: Naoko


I think we can stop the pitch bending vocal thing if you’re not Sparkmaster tape, lil ugly mane or captain murphy.
This is a pretty good beat but the vocals are mixed/recorded so badly it’s kinda hard to listen to. I can tell the rapper is kinda meh but not terrible. When the rapping stops, the beat shines a bit though. There are some kinks that need ironing out here but , at the very least, there’s potential here on some level.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Skywayz
Song: Messy Man


The white voice is painful on this one. I know we can’t control that but, goddamn…he has the voice of an accountant or a poetry professor. Outside of the voice, his flow and lyrics are a very certain type. Competent but not particularly enjoyable.
The beat is a bit noisy for my taste. It’s not terribly made but it definitely lacks a real mood that the listener can embrace.
Production:4 out of 10
Vocals:4 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

What do you think?