Hello everyone. The Doctor is in. By “In” i mean sitting in bed typing this and by “Doctor” I mean this college drop out, me. This is where you guys ask me for advice concerning your lives and love. Why me? Good question. Well, i may not be a licensed anything but I do have a logical train of thought and I’m fairly honest. Certainly a better person to ask than your dipshit friend who probably just wants to talk about themselves anyway. So, if you have questions of the heart or soul that need an answer (or, at the very least, some perspective) holler at me. Send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or leave them in the comments below. It’s always anonymous and I am here to help…on some level.
Sup ‘head, I saw you asking for questions and decided to give you one. It is not an interview type, more like an advice, you might put it in Dr.Tony files or whatever. It will also be long so brace yourself 🙂
Basically I need an advice on how to handle a situation with my 8 years younger brother. He is 19, and I know those years are wild, but he has become a piece of shit human being and this is going on for about 5 years now. Please don’t distract this with puberty, he is doing some things that are just wrong. I have done lots of stupid shit when I was that age but he has no regard for other human beings. He is the most selfish guy I know and nobody in our family is like that.
He is in the last grade of high school and he just failed it. Ever since junior high his grades were awful but he always got by on some test cheating shit. My grades in high school were also bad but that was because I was lazy, but I had interest in certain subjects like maths, physics and geography, I was just too lazy to learn about some irrelevant stuff like history. He on the other hand just knows nothing about anything, to the point where other people are making fun of how stupid he is. I always loved listening to hip hop music, but I listened the lyrics and gained some positive and interesting things out of it plus it probably made me learn English (I’m from Europe) along with movies and other stuff. He just listens to chief keef and bobby schmurda and manages to fail english in school every fucking year. He can’t even get one sentence right for fucks sake and our school system starts teaching you english when you are 5 years old. Is this just old guy in me talking? I’m trying to understand, but I just can’t see how someone can be satisfied with being dumb and/or knowing nothing about anything. A lot of it has to do with perspective, because he is spoiled from birth and he feels like he doesn’t need to do shit. He just lives at my parents house, drives their car, smokes and sells weed and spends lots of money. He has like 50 pairs of Jordans or some stupid shit like that. (He never worked a day in his life, plus parents don’t give him any money because he isn’t behaving well so he just steals it from them plus he makes some of it selling weed and stealing shit like iphones or headphones and then reselling it. This reads like he is a drug addict, but I’m 100% sure that he only smokes weed). So on top of that he is a real asshole to everyone in our family, just behaving terribly, promising something and then stabbing you in the back everytime he gets a chance, yelling at my mother who is trying to get him to finish school, sweet talking grandparents for money and then never calling them until he needs money again and so on. He also gets into fights a lot. Basically he has became a piece of shit human being who is just using everyone, with no skills and no prospects in life. Oh, and he idolizes some local criminals who just happen to know him through me (they are my age). One of them gave him a ride in his Mercedes Benz and he was talking about it for the next couple of days. I don’t want to be overreacting, maybe he just needs to mature. Maybe him behaving this way is screaming for help, but he is basically just a spoiled little shit. I know this is my brother I’m talking about and if he were not I would just cut ties with him years ago. I really want to help him in some way, because parents will not support him forever and they are talking about kicking him on the street but they don’t have the heart to do it. I don’t know. Damn, I said I was going to be long. So, questions:
1. is this going to pass? Am I just being an old guy and he is just young and dumb and acting out? I remember I got a little more serious around 20 or something, but I was never this drastic in my behavior and this removed from reality.
2. if not, what can I or anyone else do about it before he becomes a 35 years old guy with no education, no skills, no job and a basement full of Jordans and brand new clothes, probably a debt to local tough guys. I mean, god forbid, if something happens to my parents he would probably die within a week. He goes to hairdresser every other day, AND HE IS A FUCKIN GUY, he lives like he is a movie star or something, just that he steals all the money from my parents and behaves like a total asshole to them and everyone else. His friends are all my age and maybe this is the problem, because he thinks he should be ahead but in reality he is falling behind his age group by becoming a high school dropout. He used to idolize me when we were younger (like all younger brothers do) and I could talk to him and he would listen, but now since I got serious and finished a civil engineering college he has lost all respect for me. I also snitched on him a couple of times, once when he stole my mothers car while not having a license and also when he stole my fathers speedboat also without license and drove around drunk. I didn’t want to be that guy, but he went to far and I felt that this was maybe the best thing to do for his own good. Couple of times I wanted to seriously fight him when he was being disrespectful to my mother who cares deeply about him and he just makes her nervous 24/7, but fighting would probably make matters even worse.
I don’t know if I presented a cohesive question but I focused on painting an accurate picture with as much detail as possible. So, what can I do for my brother to become a normal human being or is all the hope lost?
Damn dude. That’s rough (and an unbelievably long way to tell me your brother is an asshole). I’d say there is a bright side and a dark side to this.
On the bright side, he is only 19. He’s clearly impressionable and is focused on the wrong things. Honestly, he sounds like a product of the internet. It wouldn’t shock me if 50% of todays youth was kinda like that. But, like I said, he’s only 19. That is the pinnacle age to act like a total sack of shit. It’s a time when all you care about it yourself and your friends. Life’s realities are real yet. He’s still living at home and finding ways to get money. He has no responsibilities.
The dark side is , like you said, he’s kinda digging a hole for himself but failing school. Not that that isn’t something you can do later but still…he obviously doesn’t give a fuck and no stern talking to is gonna change that right now. He’s going to have to realize that by himself.
The problem is, he just might be an asshole. Think of the world and think how many assholes exist. Is it so unlikely that one would be in your family? Simply playing the odds, every family has a few assholes in it. Yours happens to be your brother.
I think , because he’s so entitled and maybe a bit of a sociopath, the only way to really shut it down is if your parents do it. The kick him out the house, cut off all money and just let him deal with that for a while. I realize this is not something most loving parents do but , if it’s as bad as you say and getting worse, it may be the only option.
You ask if this is going to pass. Well, it should. That said, there are some people out there who are just wired to be that guy. Until your bro is faced with some adversity, you won’t really know what is going on in his head. Your fear of him being a 35 year old with no education and new jordans is worthy but, let’s be honest, unless he kicks up his drug dealing, it’s not gonna happen. The shit will hit the fan way before that every happens.
So, to summarize, I’m afraid this is out of your hands. He’s gonna do what he does until it falls apart. Your parents can lean on him and try to push him in a direction via tough love but even that isn’t a guarantee. It’s a shitty situation for sure. Sorry, dude.
Dear Dr. Tony,
What’s with guys wanting to cum in girl’s faces?
Well, this is quite a switch up in both tone and length from the last one, isn’t it?
Anyway, I think there’s a lot to this. There are more than one reason why guys like cumming in girls faces. Let me list them:
As dudes, our cum is something we’ve grown up watching. It’s an explosion and to see it shoot into someones face must hit some mental switch with us that’s like throwing a fire cracker when you’re a kid.
2)It’s slutty and we like things that are slutty
I think part of what turns guys on about it is that it’s something that not every girl does. I’d venture to say most well adjusted girls would probably opt out of the facial if it were up to them. However, when you come across (cum across) a girl who’s down, it’s exciting for guys. It’s scummy. For some reason, that kind of thing just causes our receptors to flicker. It’s very animalistic and , for a girl to be into that, it feels naughty. I’m speaking here of girls who legit are not bothered by it. I don’t really buy that many girls actually LIKE it but I can believe some get caught up in the heat of the moment. Passion does strange things to people. It’s feverish.
3)It’s degrading and it’s a power play
Let’s be real. Most facials are done by guys pushing it on the girls they’re with. If it were up to the girls, they wouldn’t put that load anywhere near them or their hair. In instances like this, where the guy is clearly pushing the issue, I gotta think it’s the guy “seeing what he can get away with”. He doesn’t care how it makes the girl feel or what that moment, right after he finishes will feel like. He wants to know he can blow wazz in a girls face cause, why not? Unlike the hot slutty facial, this is a dude displaying his dominance in spite of what the girl may or may not be into. Basically, if a dude ever did this to you, you should stop fucking him immediately cause he’s an asshole and doesn’t respect you at all.
4)Cause she asks for it.
Yes, this may seem like a fairy tale but those girls do exist. There are times when a dude isn’t even thinking of closing out like that and girl will suggest it. Very few guys are gonna be like “Umm…Nah, that’s okay…”
Now, the psychology of the girl who desires the facial is something entirely different that is way out of my league to understand but still, it happens.
Here’s my first ever follow up question! Hooray! It worked! If you’ve asked me stuff before and wanna update on what happened or you have a follow up question, please do.
My original question was the second Question on volume 45.
I definitely needed to hear that from a guys perspective even though I knew what it was.. Thank you! The ramping up started soon after I wrote in. I guess my question now is since it is clear to me that he feels a lot stronger for me than when he did when I wrote in should I even bother with the “what are we” talk? He calls me baby in person and through text, he’s made an effort to see me more often and tells me how much he likes me and that he’s sprung on me.. He holds my hand in the car and recently asked me to start staying with him for half of the week..What are we necessary? I don’t want to put any pressure on him. He also has a toddler who is with him for most of the time and crazy work hours.. I feel like it’s kind of an unspoken understanding that with time whatever it is that we have will grow. He’s 28 im 24.
It sounds to me like it’s a relationship. Assuming neither of you are seeing other people, that is. Here’s the thing though…you could easily be his #1 girl. I mean, you must be. But there is a part of most men’s brain that , until it’s OFFICIALLY locked down, he’s still technically a free agent. So, in a way, you kinda have to have a conversation with him about eventually. The “What are we?” convo is every dudes nightmare. In general, when it hasn’t happened, it’s for a reason but still…if it’s bugging you and it feel like he’s going that way, it’s gotta be addressed eventually. The downside is that you might not get the answer you wanna hear OR he may tell you what you wanna hear but then feel pressured.
A good way to know where you stand are these signs:
1)Have you met and hung out with his friends?
2)Do you still ONLY text each other?
3)Does he every hang out with you socially?
4)Do you think there are other girls?
5)Have you met and hung out with his kid?
That’s just five quick ones off the top but if the answer is no to most of those, it sounds to me like you might be stuck in pussy purgatory. Not quite a girlfriend but more than a booty call. I guess , all you can do is say something and she what happens. OR, if you’re content with how it is, just ride it out until it’s no longer fun.
So, lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble communicating with people. I’ve been going through kind of a rough time in my life and I feel like every time I try to talk to people about my troubles, I either come off as a wimpy dude that can’t stop complaining about his own life or as an incredibly rude person that’s bothering people for no apparent reason. As a new student in Chicago, I have trouble fitting in. I am either seen as an artist that’s making moves he’s not ready for or as someone that’s pretentious and thinks he’s better than the people around him (I have an unintentionally pretentious accent). Even though I try my best to approach people with kind intentions, I can’t help being misunderstood. Is it possible that it’s just my personality and I can’t do much about it or is there a way for me to recover from this mind frame of “why does everyone hate me?”
Sounds to me like you’re running through the 6 with your woes.
Nah, but seriously, you just sound very insecure about everything. From who you are as a person to how people view you. This is normal for someone in college. It’s a time of self discovery and you haven’t discovered yourself yet.
What’s a pretentious accent? Are you a british nobel? Even if you are, if nothing else, girls like accents. I can’t see that being the issue. Maybe you have a certain look on your face that reads as snobby. Like the male equivalent to “resting bitch face”.
To be honest, it just sounds like you’re not comfortable socially. You’re trying to hard. The first thing you gotta do is stop being all “woe is me!” about it. You’re letting your insecurity control you. Insecure people act out in many ways. Some over compensate. Some go into a shell. Sounds like you’re a mixture of both.
You just have to relax and let it come to you. This probably seems like forever right now but it’s just college. Most people have these feelings in high school, go to college and have a hard time at first, then figure it out. I’m sure you’re no different. You can make friends. If you truly are a decent person, it will happen eventually. If you’re actually a smug, pretentious artist who tries too hard? Well, it’s gonna be a little tougher. Unless you get famous, of course. Then you’ll be super fucking popular.