Oh really, Uberfacts? Vol. 4


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Uberfacts is a twitter profile that vomits up “facts” all day. sometimes enlightening, sometimes moronic, there is no filter on what they post. So, every now and then I like to shine a spotlight on some of my favorite ones and discuss them. For better or for worse. So, what’s up #uberfacts? Learn me!

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First off, what? In classic Uberfacts fashion they pull a “fact” out that could not possibly be proven. What did they do? Go to fucking Ireland and notice everyone was have sex? So, while I deem this study to be total bullshit I see what they’re doing here. Yes, it’s all part of the ginger propaganda machine. For years, gingers have been the focus of ridicule and scoffed at as sexual beings but , now, it is there time to take back the night (cause they shouldn’t be in the sun during the day, obviously).
I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there has been a shift in opinion worldwide about redheads. Now, to be fair, there have always been attractive redheads. Jessica rabbit, Molly Ringwald, that guy from that thing. It’s crazy to say there hasn’t been. But in the last few years I’ve noticed gingers not only gain more acceptance but actually become hot commodities. From Ron Howard to his hot daughter. That’s the transition.
These trends of physical traits have been going on for a while. Remember when girls having really short hair got very popular? Or how bout when being an extremely skinny man was the way to be? What about the whole “beard” thing that’s going on? Or how popular fat asses are? It’s as if the world decides “this is what’s gonna be big right now…”. Well, the ginger illuminate got their wish cause I’ll be damned if I haven’t heard an abundance of men and women comment on how hot gingers are lately.
It’s funny cause just a few years ago, they were looked as mostly hyper pale, dead behind the eyes freckle monsters, devoid of souls (Anyone who saw the South park episode knows what I’m talking about) but now? That alabaster skin spackled with dashes of melanin is what’s popping. Who knew?
Anyway, I’m sure it sounds like I’m bashing them but I’m really not. Hot people are hot. Redhead or whatever. I’ll just start to worry when girls start wanting to fuck Alfred E. Neuman looking ass dudes simply cause their hair is red. That will be worse that the chinless beard dudes getting primo vagina cause they were smart enough to cover up their awful faces with hair.

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I’m not posting this to deny it. In fact, I don’t doubt that’s actually pretty tame for what Japan offers, in terms of bizarre candy. I really just wanna discuss how weird some japanese shit is to us americans and wonder “Do they feel the same way about us?”.
Like, when japanese people come to the states and see sour cream and onion chips, are they like “WTF??!?!!?”. When they watch our gameshows, do they scratch their head at how simple and boring they are? When they see our porn, are they like “First off, eww…you can see the penetration but secondly, where are all the squids? What is this amateur hour shit!?”
It’s amazing how far two cultures can be from each other yet still garner obsession from both sides. For instance, it doesn’t shock me to me that japanese people see hip hop and turn it into this crazy things where they grow dreads and dye their skin. That’s teenaged rebellion I think everyone can relate to. Sure, they go that extra mile but it makes sense. Same way some americans will get deep into Anime and basically become japanese teenagers.
As much crazy shit goes on in japan (I mean, they have used panties vending machines there, for christ sake), the culture of junk food has always fascinated me. Every culture has their own thing. But, in most cases, it translates in some way. I mean, shit, we’re dealing with sugar here. how weird can it get? Apparently, very weird. Soy sauce and chocolate. It just doesn’t make sense. so part of me believes that no one actually eats and enjoys these treats. They exist simply to exist. It’s not that different from artisanal ice cream makers who try and pull off flavors that have no business existing. “Hey penelope, you really must try this blue cheese , waffles and vegemite ice cream I made!” It’s like japanese but a million times more pretentious.
i guess what I’m trying to say here is that all cultures have their weird ideas. We’re all the same, guys! just kidding. We are nothing alike. But, that’s okay.

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Say word?
I’ve seen many caterpillars in my life and I have yet to see one shoot it’s shit in the air. Are these caterpillars like the “squirters” of the caterpillar community? There has to be slow motion super close up footage of this somewhere. National geographic should be all over it. Please, dear reader, find me a clip and post it in the comments. I need to witness this. Otherwise, it just sounds like something a guy at uberfacts made up. If that is the case, I’m not even mad at it. Making up facts for random creatures is kinda genius. Like, did you know that when an Ocelot is frightened it gives it’s predator a case of pink eye using only mind power? It’s crazy, right. #uberfact.
Did you know that when a female flamingo is aroused, it’s labia lips rub together like cricket legs but somehow create a sound that sounds strikingly familiar to the Miami Vice theme song? It’s true. #Uberfacts
It’s a little know fact that, when they are born, turtles have the innate sense of understanding human sign language but, as they age, they forget it. #uberfacts
Emotionally, there is not an otter alive who isn’t at least slighty bi-polar. #uberfacts

I could do this for days. In fact, it makes me want to create a fake uberfacts account just to do it. But, alas, I’m lazy and who cares? instead, I’mma go into a youtube wormhole and not leave until I see caterpillar shit shooting through the sky like the worlds grossest fireworks.

9 thoughts on “Oh really, Uberfacts? Vol. 4

  1. I haven’t seen those kit-kats, but I have eaten the green tea kit-kats from Japan and they are fucking delicious.

  2. I still maintain that the best fact I ever read from them was: If you remove all the hair around your asshole, you remove the ability to fart silently (paraphrasing).

    … love it!

  3. You’re totally just hating because your girlfriend loves redheads! Right?…did you say that? Something rings a bell with that from The Rogglecast!

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