Home again

Welcome Home Sign with Flowers & Butterflies.  Started as traditional art then completed and faux metallic textures, wood background and pussy willow frame added using Adobe Photoshop CS2.

Welcome Home Sign with Flowers & Butterflies. Started as traditional art then completed and faux metallic textures, wood background and pussy willow frame added using Adobe Photoshop CS2.

One of the things that separates cities like NYC or San Francisco from many other major metropolises (is that a real word?) is how goddamn expensive they are to live in. For children raised in those places, spreading your wings and leaving the nest isn’t easy. You can’t just get a low level entry job somewhere and support yourself, eating top ramen every day yet living in a somewhat decent home. You either move to another city/town, make enough money to afford a place, get 5 or 6 roommates and begin to gentrify a neighborhood that hates you or you embrace nepotism. For people who are natives, that last choice is a saving grace. Yes, it’s an unfair advantage and very entitled but, let’s be honest, it’s pretty awesome if you have the option.

I was very lucky in that case. My father bought the building I grew up in , in the early 1960’s for an absurdly low price. I mean, I know inflation changes how those things look but paying 80,000 for an entire building in greenwich village is obscene, even if it was 50 plus years ago. So, when it was time for me to leave the home I grew up in, I was extremely fortunate. I had already dropped out of college and I was working bullshit jobs just to make money. Sure, this was the mid-90’s in NYc and I could have moved to Brooklyn right then, like so many of my friends did but I didn’t have to. My parents let me move into an apartment in the building I grew up in for a very low rent. Now, I’m not alone in the treatment. I know many friends that simply didn’t leave their childhood home. Funny thing about that is that, while that may be frowned upon in most places, it’s not crazy in NYC. Like I said, shit is expensive here and people simply have to make it work. If that means living at home till you’re 30, so be it. It’s a bargain that’s only an issue if you have too much pride or annoying parents. Another thing I’ve seen happen a lot is children taking over their parents place as they age. Meaning, the parents no longer need all the space they once had and they section off their large, rent controlled or owned apartment to create a new apartment for their kids (and , ultimately, the family those kids are raising). It’s something no outsider who is apartment hunting in NYC will ever find and it’s a shrinking occurrence , as the city seems to be working hard to stop people from getting any sort of breaks. But being grandfathered into homes is an NYC tradition. It’s the worlds greatest hand me down.

After about 4 or 5 years of living for what might as well have been free, my mom finally told me to get out of the building. Wise move as she was losing thousands of dollars in rent every month just to have me sit in that apartment, ripping bong hits with my friends and making beats. I found a great place about 10 blocks away and I’ve lived there ever since. Got that post 9/11 bargain too so it was actually a steal for what it is.
Anyway, I say all that to say this. About 6 months ago, my toilet vomited gallons of sewage into my apartment. You can read about that HERE. Because of this toxic waste spill, my floors needed to be redone. This means my girlfriend and I have to get out while they tear my place apart. I’m fortunate to have a place to go. That’s my moms house. The house I grew up in. So, as of last weekend, I’m living at home again. It’s been almost 20 years since I actually lived here. I gotta say…it’s kinda weird. Sure, this isn’t really moving back home. It’s not permanent. But it definitely made me think of all those friends of mine who , for some reason or another, were forced to move back in with their parents after a long time on their own.
While the accommodations are nice, it’s hard not to feel like a refugee. Living out of a bag and folding your bed up every morning so people can sit on that couch during the day. The first day back, I immediately came down with a flu/allergy attack which I’m assuming means I’m allergic to memories. But, as the days have passed, I’ve gotten more used to it and realized that there are actually a lot of good things about moving back home. I figure, I’d be a positive guy for once in my life and list them.
These are the perks of moving back home (assuming you like your parents):
1)Food…so much food.
Now, as a bachelor, my fridge contained mixers for booze, mayo and soy sauce. That’s it. I might have had some cans of chef boyaredee stashed away in case of an emergency. When my girl moved in, my fridge was immediately upgraded. Simply by the fact there was all of a sudden stuff in it at all. Thing is, there’s nothing like a stocked fridge at the home you grew up in. You forget all those little things that you used to snack on. Things you would never buy on your own but get legit excited to see every time you cracked open the fridge. Like, holy shit, I forgot how good triscuits are. Or cheeses…bricks of them. Everywhere. Also, my mom has the best honey ever. And so much ice cream. The 2-4 weeks I will be here will be decedent and full of weight gain. I forgot how easy it is to never stop eating when there is always food around. At my home, I’m cut off by the food simply running out.

If you have your own place in NYC, you know space is limited. If you live within your means, you’re lucky to have 3 rooms. But parent houses? They got space. Sure, you feel like a guest but it’s still roomy as fuck. Like, there are two bathrooms here. One that’s great for privacy the other that’s more central. That’s living.

3)This shower
This is particular to my moms house only, but goddamn if she doesn’t have the best water pressure on earth. This one shower if like being in front of a fire hose…in a good way.

4)New neighborhood
This house is only ten or so blocks from where I live but it’s a whole different world of options. Specifically, restaurants. I feel like I’m on vacation. Every day is me venturing out and trying somewhere new. I grew up here but so much changes yearly. I feel like I’m rediscovering an entire neighborhood. Also, getting fatter by the second.

5)(hopefully) Your parents are cool
When you’re young, you bump heads with your parents. Maybe they’re at fault but, let’s be honest, it’s probably you. As you get older and your relationship with them changes , many people find a comfort zone. They’re still your parents but they’re also your friends. You see them as people. You speak to them like you would anyone else. I think it may be the best selling point for having kids…fuck all the “raising them” and “teaching them” stuff. To be able to sit and shoot the shit with a person you created like an adult must be awesome. Well, it works both ways. As a kid, you get to evolve into a person who can actually appreciate your parents as people. Not just suck off their teat and complain towards them. So, as corny as it seems, the perk of spending quality time with your parents as adults is not to be overlooked.

6)It’s free
Is there a better way to save money that living with your parents? Aside from being homeless, no. People move back home specifically to stack their money so they can finally REALLY leave the nest. Also, it seems engrained in most parents to always pay for the meals. I don’t think this is fair as, most likely, you owe them, but you can eat for free forever if you move back home.

7)Parents have liquor cabinets
I mean, so do lots of adults but the average reader of this blog is in their mid 20’s so access to free booze is still a big deal to you heathens. Can’t overlook that.

I’m sure there are more great things about moving home again but, I’ve only been here 3 days so far. Gimmie time to discover the rest. To all of you out there contemplating a move back home. I know it’s not ideal but, hey, it could be way worse. You could have a shitty roommate with like 15 cats. Imagine that hell.

Demo reviews vol. 68

6a00d83452989a69e20120a942f7e5970b-800wi Hi there and welcome to another edition of “Demo reviews”. You people sent me your music so I could sit on my throne and tell you what I think. It’s not really fair and I have no better opinion that the next guy but, hey, you asked for it so here it is. I’m not currently accepting submissions but, when I am, I’ll announce it. Keep an eye out for that, all budding musicians who might wanna get taken down a peg. Anyway, this section works like so: i write a paragraph or two about the song then arbitrarily rate it from 1-10 in these categories Production Vocals Listenability Originality That’s it. This weeks batch is actually pretty decent all around. Which is nice cause it makes me hate doing this a little less. Artist:Funky Kobe Song: Spacing out While this is nothing I’d ever really sit down and listen to I’m not mad at it all. In fact, of all the live instrument songs I’ve ever gotten this is easily the best one. It’s a jazzy free for all. Smooth, well arranged and the players are all solid. This would kill at a hippie music festival. Production:7 out of 10 Vocals:n/a Listenability:6 out of 10 Originality:5 out of 10 Artist: Skope Mc Song: Black and white It’s no secret I don’t love most rap I hear coming from places outside of North America. In the case of this song, it’s not so much the accent or the language but the flow. Dude is kinda all over the place. Sounds like a BBC news anchor reading the news to a beat. Only thing I can compare it to is The Streets (yeah, my knowledge of UK rap is that thin) and I never liked The Streets. Also, there’s something strange about hearing british dude rap about USA based cop/minority relations. It’s not bad, just weird. The Production is not bad but also kinda grating at times. Production:4.5 out of 10 Vocals:4 out of 10 Listenability:4 out of 10 Originality:4.5 out of 10 Artist: Cap’n Cook Song: Loose ends This guy hashtagged “Calms casino” on his song, which makes me think this is a Clams Casino beat. It makes sense, cause it’s a dope beat. It also pisses me off cause one of the first rules of demo reviews is to not use other peoples beats. I want all original material. So, if someone knows this to be a clams casino beat, lemme know. I’mma review as it’s an original just to be fair… So, yeah, it’s a really good beat. Airy. HEAVILY Clams influenced. Dope drums, nice progressions. Well done, if this is indeed your beat. Production:7.5 out of 10 Vocals:n/a Listenability:7 out of 10 Originality:3 out of 10 Artist: Illumneye crew song: Skyfall  Nice production. Sounds like a sample I’d use. It’s well mixed and clean over all. I appreciate the change ups. It’s crucial to a song with 3 rappers on it. The rapping is solid but not incredibly interesting. None of them are wack but none of them are really making me want to check any more of the music. This is probably the kinda rap group I would have been in now if I was 20 years younger and rapped. So don’t feel bad. Production:6 out of 10 Vocals:5 out of 10 Listenability:5.5 out of 10 Originality:3.5 out of 10 Artist: Approach Song:S.P.S.9 I was ready to hate this beat when it started. The synth sounds set off all sorts of red flags but it actually is not bad. This is pretty much as good as you can make this kinda beat sound. Tastefully done. The rapping starts off a little slow but, by the end, I was into it. His slight speech impediment actually adds some character to it. Not bad at all. Production:6 out of 10 Vocals:5.5 out of 10 Listenability:6 out of 10 Originality:4.5 out of 10 Artist: Jepein song: smoik fralle pax Slow plodding synth track. It does what it’s supposed to do but it’s not anything I’d ever wanna replay. It would make a decent movie score though. It’s not badly made at all. In fact, it’s quite well done. But, yeah, I don’t know what to with this kinda song. Drive down a dark road to it? Is that a genre? It probably should be. Production:6 out of 10 Vocals:n/a Listenability:5 out of 10 Originality:4.5 out of 10 Artist: Endemic MC Song: Endemic to the music I kinda like this guys voice. It’s got that white voice problem but it somehow works. He’s got presence. So that’s good.It certainly helps carry what are otherwise not exceptional rhymes. The hook is corny but , hey, what can you do? The beat is not very good. It’s well mixed and the drums are good but every musical element is just not enjoyable. It’s not atonal but it might as well be. Production:4 out of 10 Vocals:5.5 out of 10 Listenability:4.5 out of 10 Originality:4.5 out of 10 Artist: Byron Hyperion Song: Ethereal Demise THis has the sound of somehow who’s been doing beats for a few years and is just on the verge of finding their sound…but they’re not quite there yet. It’s not bad it’s just kinda boring. The talent is there though. I’d bet , in a year, this person will be making infinitely better music. So that’s good. Production:4.5 out of 10 Vocals:n/a Listenability:4.5 out of 10 Originality:4.5 out of 10 So, what do you think?

Answers for questions vol. 242

Hi there! Welcome to this weeks edition of Answers for questions. You ask, I answer. If you’d like to get involved, it would make my day. Send me questions to Phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below. They both work equally well and your questions are always anonymous (at least to the readers). Go nuts.
This week, we get up close and personal. Check it…

I know you’re a pretty chill guy, but do you ever seriously contemplate just straight duffing some dude? Not just the thought, but, like, to the point where you actually have to hold yourself back?

Not really. I simply don’t have serious violent urges. I mean, sure, I wanna mush people in the face on the daily. Like, waiting behind an indecisive person on line who seemingly is going out of their way to be difficult…I don’t wanna punch that person. I more just wish they’d vanish off the planet. If I had that power, I’d be a problem. But the actual physical violence doesn’t appeal to me. I feel bad when I foul someone hard in basketball, let alone, punch them in the face as hard as i can.
But, in general, I’m not full of rage. I don’t have much rage at all. If anything, I could use some more rage. I’m way too “whatever” about most things, for better or worse. Which is a funny thing about this blog cause it’s generally me ranting about stupid things that don’t matter, yet I seem like i really care. Trust me, I do not.

do you think humans have ever had sex in outer space? even disciplined scientists are horny and desperate for unique experiences right? then add asshole pilots to the mix. if so, when was the first space smash session? in a capsule in the 60s? space shuttle in the 70s/80s? international space station in the 90s and beyond? russians or americans?

100% yes. I know nothing about the history of space exploration but if there were single men and women up there, they were fucking. There has been some hot male on male space buttfucking as well. I bet there was even orgies. It’s funny to imagine cause once you blow a load into zero gravity, it would just float there forever, until it touches something. That would actually be really cool to see.

How much cheese have you consumed in the past week?
Hard to say. I’ve eaten a decent amount. Definitely took down some brie last night. Had a sandwich with mozzarella just now. In general, I’m a big fan of cheese and all that it brings to the table. Can’t say I’ve eaten a pound of it this week..but I also can’t say I haven’t.

You often say you’re emotionally dead. I know you think that makes life easier, but it’s actually kinda sad. Having strong, passionate feelings about people/matters/life is, to me at least, one of the joys of being human. Do you ever wonder why you’re like that or wish you were a little more “alive”? Have you ever considered therapy? I think you’d be a force to reckon with if you actually cared about things and tried to do something about it.

Eh…I’m good. I’m a very happy person. I’m content with myself and my life. Sure, I don’t have emotional swings where I’m super sad or super happy but I’ve always been very even keel. When I’m around extremely emotional people, their energy is crazy to me. It’s as if they have no self control or no chill. I’m not saying emotions are bad t all. I could certainly use more (ask any girl I’ve ever dated ever) but to be ruled or driven entirely by your own emotions is not a good thing, in my opinion. I much prefer logic. I’m a very pragmatic guy. Part of the reason for that is that I’m not basing things of how I feel. More off of what makes sense within the bigger picture.
As for therapy, I’ve done it a few times (in spurts) over the course of my life. Not for my lack of emotion but cause I was fucking up terribly in school and later, when my dad died. In both cases, it didn’t really do much for me. I wasn’t withholding from the therapist. I spoke my thoughts and feelings and left feeling no different.
Like I said earlier, I think it all comes down to how you feel. If I’m happy, why would I want to disrupt that? So I can be even happier, but with the occasional downward spiral of deep depression? No thanks. I’m chilling.
Not to mention, i don’t even know if it’s possible to “turn on” that part of your brain. Perhaps this is simply how I’m wired.
It should also be noted that this all makes me sound like a sociopath. I think we’re all a little in that spectrum but I’m more just apathetic about most things. There are things and people I love, but my emotional range just isn’t that wide. Same reason I don’t randomly punch people in the face is the same reason I don’t cry watching a sad movie. Sometimes I feel like a buddhist who’s not a buddhist.

If you were stranded on an island and could choose anyone in the world to make a boat out of, who would you choose?

If I had to make a boat out of a person? I’d imagine the worlds fattest person. Maybe one of those people from the learning channel shows called some shit like “Help, I’m 9000 pounds! Kill me already!”. That way, I’d have a strong floatation area (their huge mid section) , as well and enough extra skin to make a pretty kick ass sail.

Whats the worst restaurant you have ever eaten at?
You know, i’ve had many mediocre eating experiences in my life. When you tour, it’s kinda common. So, it’s hard for me to think of one that stood out…however, there was the sports bar I ate in Louisville that might hold the title.
I was opening for Emancipator at this place Headliners. There were very few options to eat around there so we kinda had to go with what was nearest. That was a bar that also kinda served food. Everything seemed normal, the menu even looked good. I ordered some wings (cause i was jonesing) and a side of “dirty rice”. The bought out the food and the wings were fine. I mean, they were totally whatever. Fried food is hard to really fuck up..but the rice…that shit was poison. I pulled the fork up to my lips and smelled ammonia. Being a moron, I was like “Whatever…” and put the rice in my mouth. It tasted like ammonia. Literally. Like someone had poured ammonia on to the rice. I spat it out and started panicking cause…I dunno, I thought I had been poisoned. I told the waitress and she reacted like a had asked for another fork. “Oh, really? Okay…you want something else?”
Yeah, bitch. I want a doctor to pump my fucking stomach. I guess that pilaf had been sitting there for a LOOOOOOONNNGGG ass time. So long, it turned into something that could clean a toilet. Hopefully they replaced it with something a little safer. Like a cactus or maybe a bag of scorpions.

Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 46

Hello everyone. The Doctor is in. By “In” i mean sitting in bed typing this and by “Doctor” I mean this college drop out, me. This is where you guys ask me for advice concerning your lives and love. Why me? Good question. Well, i may not be a licensed anything but I do have a logical train of thought and I’m fairly honest. Certainly a better person to ask than your dipshit friend who probably just wants to talk about themselves anyway. So, if you have questions of the heart or soul that need an answer (or, at the very least, some perspective) holler at me. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. It’s always anonymous and I am here to help…on some level.

Sup ‘head, I saw you asking for questions and decided to give you one. It is not an interview type, more like an advice, you might put it in Dr.Tony files or whatever. It will also be long so brace yourself 🙂
Basically I need an advice on how to handle a situation with my 8 years younger brother. He is 19, and I know those years are wild, but he has become a piece of shit human being and this is going on for about 5 years now. Please don’t distract this with puberty, he is doing some things that are just wrong. I have done lots of stupid shit when I was that age but he has no regard for other human beings. He is the most selfish guy I know and nobody in our family is like that.
He is in the last grade of high school and he just failed it. Ever since junior high his grades were awful but he always got by on some test cheating shit. My grades in high school were also bad but that was because I was lazy, but I had interest in certain subjects like maths, physics and geography, I was just too lazy to learn about some irrelevant stuff like history. He on the other hand just knows nothing about anything, to the point where other people are making fun of how stupid he is. I always loved listening to hip hop music, but I listened the lyrics and gained some positive and interesting things out of it plus it probably made me learn English (I’m from Europe) along with movies and other stuff. He just listens to chief keef and bobby schmurda and manages to fail english in school every fucking year. He can’t even get one sentence right for fucks sake and our school system starts teaching you english when you are 5 years old. Is this just old guy in me talking? I’m trying to understand, but I just can’t see how someone can be satisfied with being dumb and/or knowing nothing about anything. A lot of it has to do with perspective, because he is spoiled from birth and he feels like he doesn’t need to do shit. He just lives at my parents house, drives their car, smokes and sells weed and spends lots of money. He has like 50 pairs of Jordans or some stupid shit like that. (He never worked a day in his life, plus parents don’t give him any money because he isn’t behaving well so he just steals it from them plus he makes some of it selling weed and stealing shit like iphones or headphones and then reselling it. This reads like he is a drug addict, but I’m 100% sure that he only smokes weed). So on top of that he is a real asshole to everyone in our family, just behaving terribly, promising something and then stabbing you in the back everytime he gets a chance, yelling at my mother who is trying to get him to finish school, sweet talking grandparents for money and then never calling them until he needs money again and so on. He also gets into fights a lot. Basically he has became a piece of shit human being who is just using everyone, with no skills and no prospects in life. Oh, and he idolizes some local criminals who just happen to know him through me (they are my age). One of them gave him a ride in his Mercedes Benz and he was talking about it for the next couple of days. I don’t want to be overreacting, maybe he just needs to mature. Maybe him behaving this way is screaming for help, but he is basically just a spoiled little shit. I know this is my brother I’m talking about and if he were not I would just cut ties with him years ago. I really want to help him in some way, because parents will not support him forever and they are talking about kicking him on the street but they don’t have the heart to do it. I don’t know. Damn, I said I was going to be long. So, questions:
1. is this going to pass? Am I just being an old guy and he is just young and dumb and acting out? I remember I got a little more serious around 20 or something, but I was never this drastic in my behavior and this removed from reality.
2. if not, what can I or anyone else do about it before he becomes a 35 years old guy with no education, no skills, no job and a basement full of Jordans and brand new clothes, probably a debt to local tough guys. I mean, god forbid, if something happens to my parents he would probably die within a week. He goes to hairdresser every other day, AND HE IS A FUCKIN GUY, he lives like he is a movie star or something, just that he steals all the money from my parents and behaves like a total asshole to them and everyone else. His friends are all my age and maybe this is the problem, because he thinks he should be ahead but in reality he is falling behind his age group by becoming a high school dropout. He used to idolize me when we were younger (like all younger brothers do) and I could talk to him and he would listen, but now since I got serious and finished a civil engineering college he has lost all respect for me. I also snitched on him a couple of times, once when he stole my mothers car while not having a license and also when he stole my fathers speedboat also without license and drove around drunk. I didn’t want to be that guy, but he went to far and I felt that this was maybe the best thing to do for his own good. Couple of times I wanted to seriously fight him when he was being disrespectful to my mother who cares deeply about him and he just makes her nervous 24/7, but fighting would probably make matters even worse.
I don’t know if I presented a cohesive question but I focused on painting an accurate picture with as much detail as possible. So, what can I do for my brother to become a normal human being or is all the hope lost?

Damn dude. That’s rough (and an unbelievably long way to tell me your brother is an asshole). I’d say there is a bright side and a dark side to this.
On the bright side, he is only 19. He’s clearly impressionable and is focused on the wrong things. Honestly, he sounds like a product of the internet. It wouldn’t shock me if 50% of todays youth was kinda like that. But, like I said, he’s only 19. That is the pinnacle age to act like a total sack of shit. It’s a time when all you care about it yourself and your friends. Life’s realities are real yet. He’s still living at home and finding ways to get money. He has no responsibilities.

The dark side is , like you said, he’s kinda digging a hole for himself but failing school. Not that that isn’t something you can do later but still…he obviously doesn’t give a fuck and no stern talking to is gonna change that right now. He’s going to have to realize that by himself.

The problem is, he just might be an asshole. Think of the world and think how many assholes exist. Is it so unlikely that one would be in your family? Simply playing the odds, every family has a few assholes in it. Yours happens to be your brother.

I think , because he’s so entitled and maybe a bit of a sociopath, the only way to really shut it down is if your parents do it. The kick him out the house, cut off all money and just let him deal with that for a while. I realize this is not something most loving parents do but , if it’s as bad as you say and getting worse, it may be the only option.

You ask if this is going to pass. Well, it should. That said, there are some people out there who are just wired to be that guy. Until your bro is faced with some adversity, you won’t really know what is going on in his head. Your fear of him being a 35 year old with no education and new jordans is worthy but, let’s be honest, unless he kicks up his drug dealing, it’s not gonna happen. The shit will hit the fan way before that every happens.

So, to summarize, I’m afraid this is out of your hands. He’s gonna do what he does until it falls apart. Your parents can lean on him and try to push him in a direction via tough love but even that isn’t a guarantee. It’s a shitty situation for sure. Sorry, dude.

Dear Dr. Tony,

What’s with guys wanting to cum in girl’s faces?

Well, this is quite a switch up in both tone and length from the last one, isn’t it?
Anyway, I think there’s a lot to this. There are more than one reason why guys like cumming in girls faces. Let me list them:
1)The visual
As dudes, our cum is something we’ve grown up watching. It’s an explosion and to see it shoot into someones face must hit some mental switch with us that’s like throwing a fire cracker when you’re a kid.
2)It’s slutty and we like things that are slutty
I think part of what turns guys on about it is that it’s something that not every girl does. I’d venture to say most well adjusted girls would probably opt out of the facial if it were up to them. However, when you come across (cum across) a girl who’s down, it’s exciting for guys. It’s scummy. For some reason, that kind of thing just causes our receptors to flicker. It’s very animalistic and , for a girl to be into that, it feels naughty. I’m speaking here of girls who legit are not bothered by it. I don’t really buy that many girls actually LIKE it but I can believe some get caught up in the heat of the moment. Passion does strange things to people. It’s feverish.
3)It’s degrading and it’s a power play
Let’s be real. Most facials are done by guys pushing it on the girls they’re with. If it were up to the girls, they wouldn’t put that load anywhere near them or their hair. In instances like this, where the guy is clearly pushing the issue, I gotta think it’s the guy “seeing what he can get away with”. He doesn’t care how it makes the girl feel or what that moment, right after he finishes will feel like. He wants to know he can blow wazz in a girls face cause, why not? Unlike the hot slutty facial, this is a dude displaying his dominance in spite of what the girl may or may not be into. Basically, if a dude ever did this to you, you should stop fucking him immediately cause he’s an asshole and doesn’t respect you at all.
4)Cause she asks for it.
Yes, this may seem like a fairy tale but those girls do exist. There are times when a dude isn’t even thinking of closing out like that and girl will suggest it. Very few guys are gonna be like “Umm…Nah, that’s okay…”
Now, the psychology of the girl who desires the facial is something entirely different that is way out of my league to understand but still, it happens.

Here’s my first ever follow up question! Hooray! It worked! If you’ve asked me stuff before and wanna update on what happened or you have a follow up question, please do.

My original question was the second Question on volume 45.


I definitely needed to hear that from a guys perspective even though I knew what it was.. Thank you! The ramping up started soon after I wrote in. I guess my question now is since it is clear to me that he feels a lot stronger for me than when he did when I wrote in should I even bother with the “what are we” talk? He calls me baby in person and through text, he’s made an effort to see me more often and tells me how much he likes me and that he’s sprung on me.. He holds my hand in the car and recently asked me to start staying with him for half of the week..What are we necessary? I don’t want to put any pressure on him. He also has a toddler who is with him for most of the time and crazy work hours.. I feel like it’s kind of an unspoken understanding that with time whatever it is that we have will grow. He’s 28 im 24.

It sounds to me like it’s a relationship. Assuming neither of you are seeing other people, that is. Here’s the thing though…you could easily be his #1 girl. I mean, you must be. But there is a part of most men’s brain that , until it’s OFFICIALLY locked down, he’s still technically a free agent. So, in a way, you kinda have to have a conversation with him about eventually. The “What are we?” convo is every dudes nightmare. In general, when it hasn’t happened, it’s for a reason but still…if it’s bugging you and it feel like he’s going that way, it’s gotta be addressed eventually. The downside is that you might not get the answer you wanna hear OR he may tell you what you wanna hear but then feel pressured.
A good way to know where you stand are these signs:
1)Have you met and hung out with his friends?
2)Do you still ONLY text each other?
3)Does he every hang out with you socially?
4)Do you think there are other girls?
5)Have you met and hung out with his kid?

That’s just five quick ones off the top but if the answer is no to most of those, it sounds to me like you might be stuck in pussy purgatory. Not quite a girlfriend but more than a booty call. I guess , all you can do is say something and she what happens. OR, if you’re content with how it is, just ride it out until it’s no longer fun.

Hey Tony,

So, lately I’ve been having a lot of trouble communicating with people. I’ve been going through kind of a rough time in my life and I feel like every time I try to talk to people about my troubles, I either come off as a wimpy dude that can’t stop complaining about his own life or as an incredibly rude person that’s bothering people for no apparent reason. As a new student in Chicago, I have trouble fitting in. I am either seen as an artist that’s making moves he’s not ready for or as someone that’s pretentious and thinks he’s better than the people around him (I have an unintentionally pretentious accent). Even though I try my best to approach people with kind intentions, I can’t help being misunderstood. Is it possible that it’s just my personality and I can’t do much about it or is there a way for me to recover from this mind frame of “why does everyone hate me?”

Sounds to me like you’re running through the 6 with your woes.

Nah, but seriously, you just sound very insecure about everything. From who you are as a person to how people view you. This is normal for someone in college. It’s a time of self discovery and you haven’t discovered yourself yet.
What’s a pretentious accent? Are you a british nobel? Even if you are, if nothing else, girls like accents. I can’t see that being the issue. Maybe you have a certain look on your face that reads as snobby. Like the male equivalent to “resting bitch face”.
To be honest, it just sounds like you’re not comfortable socially. You’re trying to hard. The first thing you gotta do is stop being all “woe is me!” about it. You’re letting your insecurity control you. Insecure people act out in many ways. Some over compensate. Some go into a shell. Sounds like you’re a mixture of both.
You just have to relax and let it come to you. This probably seems like forever right now but it’s just college. Most people have these feelings in high school, go to college and have a hard time at first, then figure it out. I’m sure you’re no different. You can make friends. If you truly are a decent person, it will happen eventually. If you’re actually a smug, pretentious artist who tries too hard? Well, it’s gonna be a little tougher. Unless you get famous, of course. Then you’ll be super fucking popular.

Yay or Nay: Days with Dr. Yen Lo

A couple years ago, Brownsville rapper KA reemerged as a whole new MC. Many of you may not know but he was once a part of 90’s/early 2000 underground rap collective “The Natural Elements”. At that time, he rapped aggressively , using his coarse voice to spit fairly average braggadocio rhymes. He never made much of an impact back then so when he vanished , like so many other rappers from that era, no one really noticed.

Flash forward to 2008, and he popped up on a GZA album and released “Iron Works”. Still, not much was said until four years later when a video for a song called “cold facts” started making the rounds. In this song/video we found what seemed like an entirely new rapper. The production was as bare as can be. Just  a loop with a little percussion. The rapping was done at loudness you might hear in a library. KA rapped calmly, like the old wise dude on the block who had seen it all. His words were meticulously arranged. It would have appeared that the man had found his voice and style. The album that followed that single was “Grief Pedigree” and it was great. Keeping with his game plan KA talk rapped over bare loops. Barely a drum on the entire thing. He followed that album with “The Nights Gambit”, which was very similar to the previous record. Dark, stark and relentless in it’s mood.

Well, KA just released a new album. It’s called “Days with Dr Yen Lo” and it’s a collaboration with producer  Preservation. To be honest, Preservation’s beats could easily be the same beats KA was making himself. Bare back samples with little or not drums. And here’s where I want you to let me know how you feel. Ka is now 3 albums deep. He’s fortified his sound. Dude is unquestionably great at what he does. But do you think he needs to expand his horizons? How many whisper rap songs over beats with no drums can one man make? Or, perhaps, it’s a style all his own that he can run with forever? I’m curious to see what you think. Here are some selections of his new album:

This one kinda has drums on it!


Now, I’m a guy who’s always loved weird rap. And KA is no exception. he manages to make avant-garde rap without seeming pretentious. In fact, he’s unapologetically a street MC. I think he’s great. But, even with that in mind, I’ve kinda reached a point where I need something a little different. I feel like a boom bap dinosaur complaining about the lack of drums but it does wear thin on me after 3 full albums. So, while I can listen to this KA album and recognize how good it is (it is very good, in my opinion) , there’s a tiny piece of me that’s let down by the lack of evolution to his sound. Judging from the response to this album, that could just be me. From what I’ve heard, people are loving it. Which is fine cause it is without question a good album. But what do you think of KA at this point? (you can pick more than one answer)

Everyone’s a critic (myself included)

3bc44b4f9de552eed27fb35ea3069739 The internet is an abyss of opinions. Well formed opinions. Shitty half baked opinions. Opinions that are often so poorly considered that I don’t now if they even count as opinions at all. But one thing is for certain, everyone has to have an opinion on everything.

Now, it would be ridiculous for me to sit here and try and point out how the opinions of others are wrong while mine are right cause, after all, that’s just my opinion and I’m full of shitty opinions. What I wanna focus on here is more “how to have an opinion”. Especially when judging art. As I see it, critical thinking towards art has two ends of the spectrum. People who judge with their head and people who judge with their heart. The people who judge with their heart tend to be the ones who react to their own feelings. They’re visceral people. Maybe they’ll see a movie where something unsavory happens (a rape, killing of a dog, gruesome murder, a strained father/daughter relationship) and the fact that happened alone will immediately make them dislike the movie. Even though that thing happening isn’t exactly a reason to base an opinion on the art itself, they cannot remove themselves enough from it and it ruins everything for them. Sure, the film where that is happening may be a brilliantly crafted movie. Doesn’t matter. It hit some nerves and , to these types of people, can no longer be judged on it’s merit.

The people who judge from the head are more concerned with the mechanics of art. They’re the types who will see a movie and dismiss it due to poor lighting , unrealistic dialogue and tiny holes in a plot. They will often overlook the big picture just to pick apart the minutia of filmmaking. So, yeah, that movie may have been an impressive feat in film making and looked amazing but did you see how bad the transitional shots were? That movie is now tainted.

In both instances, you have someone judging something in a myopic fashion. In a way, they’re both missing the bigger picture in spite of themselves. Now, I’m not innocent of this. While I’ve never been one to dislike a movie cause of something horrific that happens in it, I certainly have watched a movie with terrible dialogue and been like “eh, I can’t do this…” but here’s the thing…As critical people, we must understand the difference between our feelings and the actual value of the art. For instance, I don’t listen to Kendrick Lamar. I don’t really enjoy his voice. That’s it. It’s very simple. That said, I’d be a total asshole if I were to sit here and tell you he was garbage. He’s not. In fact, he’s immensely talented. Dude is a fantastic rapper. I would never deny that. He’s simply not for me at this time in my life. Therefor, when it’s time to chime in on Kendrick Lamar on the internet, I simply stay out of it. It’s not my place to judge him on that level. I know how I feel but also recognize that’s just me. Talent, in most ways, isn’t something you can judge. If it’s clearly there, it’s there. In the case of Kendrick, it’s clearly there.

All this comes up cause a friend of mine made a post on Facebook the other day about not liking the new Mad max movie. Now, I loved this movie. It’s possibly the best action movie I’ve ever seen. Possibly. That said, it’s an action movie and nothing else. There is not a ton of depth to it (even though many have certainly tried to apply a whole feminist arc to it but, let’s be honest, it’s simply expertly executed and amazingly filmed balls to the wall action). But this is a movie that doesn’t need to be deep. It’s made for a specific kind of movie goer. A movie goer who likes excitement and fun. This is not a film made to make you think about life. In fact, it’s q distraction. An incredible distraction. Now, my friends take was that she was simply “Not into it”, which , to me, read as a person who doesn’t really care for action movies. Fair enough. I can’t sit through a movie where people with british accents wear powdered wigs. The best movie of that genre ever will not be enjoyable to me. So, I get it. More power to my friend. She 100% has the right to feel that way. It was when I delved into the comment section that I began to feel a brewing of injustice and shitty critical thought (yes, this is me criticizing critics).While a few people disagreed with her (I was one of them), there were just as many people who echoed her feelings but with an added heavy hand and pretentiousness. I saw people complaining about the dialogue, the gender roles, the lack of a real plot…Dude…it’s a mad max movie. What are you expecting? This is where I think people need to remove their head out of their asses when it comes to critical thinking. Know what you’re being critical of.

You can’t judge everything under the same merit. “City of god” and “Macgruber” do not live on the same critical plane. They just can’t. Now, granted, I’m assuming a few of the people in the comment section of this post were film students. So, it’s their job to pick apart everything and remove fun from watching films. I get it. Everything has to be serious. But, to me, there is a time and place for those things. “Mad Max:Fury Road” and “Precious” cannot be approached in the same way, critically.  It also kinda made me sad. I mean, these people are depriving themselves the most basic level of enjoyment cause they simply can’t sit back in a movie theater and go along for a ride.

It’s times like this that I feel a kinship to the simpletons of the world. The people who will see “Transformers 5:The rise of lowering of the standards” and can leave the theater totally satisfied. After all, movies are entertainment. If they entertain you, then they did their job. But, they are also art. So that’s where the balance must be found. To be entertaining and artistically fulfilling. If you’re leaving a movie like “Mad Max: Fury road” and complaining about gender roles or dialogue, you watched that movie wrong. The same way if I were to listen to a kendrick lamar album and complain about the kind of hi hats he used and “how come he didn’t rap about what it’s like being a white male!”. It’s just being critical for the sake of being critical and missing the point completely. Save those type of criticisms for things that are asking for them. Like an indie movie about a wacky sister and her slow brother who find a kinship when their dad dies. It’s sad and funny! That’s the movie to pick apart like it was your classmates final project. Not “Mad Max”. Not “The Naked Gun”. Not a sports documentary. I’m by no means saying these films are above judgement. I’m just saying, you must judge them for what they are and what they strived to be. I feel bad for both people who judge with just their heads or just their hearts cause they are really missing out. It’s a nice feeling to just let yourself go and enjoy something for what it is. Allow the low brow yokel inside all of us to peak it’s head out every now and then. But also, keep the snobbish film nerd on call as well cause, let’s be honest, there needs to be a filter of what we do and do not allow to seep into our eyes and ears. As always, striking a happy medium is crucial. Take it from me. I’m a libra and my life is totally medium.

Answers for Questions vol. 241

Hi everyone. How was your weekend? Great.
Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. A weekly column where you ask me stuff and I give you my beautiful truth. I always need new questions so don’t be shy. Ask me things. Send me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Go ham.
Okay, let’s see what the mail bag has this week.

How old were when you went out and partied the most?
I’d say my late teens/early-mid 20’s were the most wild years. At that age, your ability to drink is unparalleled and you really don’t have that many real responsibilities. I was working at bakery a few times a week and could pretty much go out any day I wanted. I was never a dude who would go on binges though. My body simply can’t hold up to that kind of abuse. But I’d go out 3 or 4 times a week at most in my prime.

How do you come with the titles for your songs? Like, “Which One of You Jerks Drank My Arnold Palmer?” Did someone really drink your arnold palmer or is it an insider among friends?
It depends. Sometimes it’s based on a feeling. Other times, it’s an inside joke.
The most common way is that I’ll think of how the song makes me feel and make a random reference based off that. “Which one of you jerks drank my arnold palmer?” is one of those. That beat feels like summer to me. So, I just imagined some people sitting on a porch in the south sipping cold drinks in rocking chairs. I guess I had been drinking a lot of Arnold Palmers during that time so it somehow led me down that path. It was also just a ridiculous title and it’s fun to make people have to remember all that just to reference a song.

It’s tourist season!

How could a tourist in NYC be less annoying to the locals? (besides not coming in the first place)
Being a tourist is tough. You don’t know where the fuck you are. The city is huge and intimidating. I may not like them but I understand why they are the way they are.
My only advice would be to learn how to walk. Meaning, don’t congregate on corners. Move to the side. Or, when walking in a group down the street, make sure there is room for people to pass you. Also, in reality, I advise people to avoid midtown/times square when they visit NYC cause it’s the worst BUT , if that means there are less of you clogging up where I live, by all means, spend your entire trip in that hell hole.

What was the most embarrassing time that you ripped a fart?
During sex, while cumming.
It was awful. Luckily, it was with a girl I had been with for a while but, man…that was brutal. You know when you get that fart bubble in your belly and you know it’s gonna pop eventually but you think you can control it? It was one of those situations. I assumed I had a handle on it and , clearly, I was wrong. And it wasn’t a little pop…it’s was extended, loud and very present.

Who are some producers you think should stick to production and not rap? For one I think Necro should hop off of the mic and do production, any others you can think of?
I strongly disagree about Necro. I love his beats but he’s possibly the funniest rapper alive. Big Necro fan.
Umm…Puffy is an obvious answer.
He’s no longer with us but I don’t really think Dilla needed to rap.
Madlib does his shit and it’s weird but he doesn’t NEED to rap. I get why he does it though.
Swizz beats and Pharrell definitely should never rap. I’d argue that Swizz should also not make beats though.

you’ve mentioned that you’re not really happy with some of the drums you used on Music By Cave Light, which got me thinking: would you ever consider revisiting that album? Like using the same samples you used to make it (except the drums) but bringing your present approach to making music to it? Sort of remixing your own album, i guess. It would be interesting to hear how the blockhead of today would approach those samples. Or even Uncle Tony Remixes Blockhead (taking the music path you tested with the Coloring Book album and applying it to the Cavelight samples and style). Or would that feel kinda hack-ish, like you were repackaging the same old album but with a big “New & Improved” sticker on it?

I would never even consider that for a moment. The last thing any musician wants to do is go back to the old stuff. Even if it means remaking it “better”. That time has passed.
It reminds me of that thing where people will come up to me like “Dude, when are you going to make another “Music by cavelight!?!”. I know they don’t mean it that way but it’s really offensive to hear that. That’s old shit. I made that when I barely knew what I was doing and in a totally different musical climate. It’s the way it is because of that. I’m glad people like it and it’s served me well but it’s over now. I don’t love some of the choices I made on that album but they’re like that for a reason and I can certianly live with that. Doing a remix album of it would be something a desperate man would do. I’m not quite there yet.
That’s why anytime a rapper does a “part 2” of an old album, I’m suspect. You can’t recapture that kinda stuff after the time has passed. It’s simply pandering.

At what two ages do you think you were the most and least attractive?
Hmm…Least? I was a chubby little prick in 6th grade.
Peep your mans
I don’t even know if I can count that but it’s the one time I can honestly look back and be like “bro, get it together”. Also, right after my freshman year in college, I gained a bunch of weight but it wasn’t that crazy. Too much burger king.
My most attractive year was probably my senior year in high school. I was tall, lean and had that amazing part down the middle hair cut that everyone else had in the 90’s.
Prom bro swag on ten thousand
To be honest, I haven’t had much change in how I look since my early/mid 20’s. I mean, obviously, I’m older and have aged accordingly but I’ve been the same weight (within 5 pounds) for the last 18 years. I have more facial hair and some grays. I have less hair in general. But, outside of that, I’m been pretty consistent, for better or for worse.

i’m trying to spread awareness of a very real problem in this country (and maybe the world) that has received embarrassingly little media and public attention: Poop Shaming
Would you co-sign my cause and help spread the word about this very unsettling issue? Have you ever been Poop Shamed? (To be clear, Poop Shaming is when someone poops, and it smells, as poop tends to do, and someone else attempts to mock them and/or make them feel bad for the smell of their poop, or the fact that they just pooped. It is done in many ways, most basically by a look of disgust in your direction by the Shamer, or a joke about the length of time you just spent in the bathroom, or a joke about your diet). It gives me great sadness at the amount of unfortunate people forced to deal with this undeserved and irrational negativity and social mocking. Everybody poops, that one chick in that movie, that dude at the gas station, the president’s top aid, everybody’s parents, wives, neighbors, and mailmen. And every time they do, it smells like shit. I say instead of mocking the poopers, tell them “good job”. And when you are poop shamed mention it with the hash tag #poopshamed. My question though: have you ever been poop shamed? have you ever poop shamed someone else? do you think it is an america only occurrence or a world problem? Should there be a UN Resolution outlawing poop shaming? Do you think the people who start wars are the same people who poop shame?

I think you need a better cause. Poop shaming will never go away cause of the nature of poop. It’s smelly and funny. Everyone does it so it’s an even playing field. I’ve certainly never had my feelings hurt by someone making a comment towards me about my own shit. I think the way to beat poop shaming is to own it. If you take a horrendous dump and get called out, let them know you don’t give a fuck and that you’ll shit how you wanna shit. Offer them a chance to wipe your ass, if they’re so interested.
I’d say poop shaming is a first world thing. I can’t imagine 3rd world people mocking one another about the shit they took. They’d sooner use it for something practical than make fun of it.