This week in ridiculous rap: Three Beat Slide

I have a sneaking suspicion that I’m late to the game when it comes to “Skip Skip Slide”. I’m also completely unaware of what is going on with it. Is it real? Is it a joke? Is it music for kids? Is it high art? Honestly, it could be all those things cause I truly have no clue what the fuck is going on.  I’m gonna look at it two possible ways.
First let’s watch it…

Theory #1: It’s a joke
Now if this is a joke, these kids are amazing. I don’t even know what they’re parodying or if they’re even parodying anything at all but the end result is more fucked up than the movie “Happiness”. From the music itself, that seems to go out of its way to be without an actual rhythm so the raps that have no choice to be off beat , due to the music that has no rhythm. I think the music itself is the best case for this being a joke. I mean, who on earth would make that track and be like “We should make a song to this!”? It just doesn’t seem plausible. It might as well be free jazz. Outside of that, I can’t really call it.
I will say, if this is indeed a joke, these kids are the future of comedy and should have their own show on Adult Swim. Fuck it, if this is a joke, they should play their work in a museum. It’s that good.

Theory #2: This is totally real
Okay, let’s ignore the music itself and look at what’s going on in the video. This is music seemingly made for small children. It could very well be made by some completely out of it christian group who’s never heard music before. That’s possible.
Looking at the video, we have a teen boy who looks he’s related to the murderer from the movie “Manhunter“. This kid has been friendzoned into oblivion by his five female buddies. Like, in all reality, he’s in love with at least 3 of them and they probably think he’s a eunuch. That’s pretty rough. Then we got this whole tickling angle. A clear ploy for billy the friendzoned kid to cop feels in a subtle way. I bet the feeling of his tickling fingers grazing against those girls forearms is masturbation fuel for the next 15 years of his life. But, let’s not forget, this song is for kids and the video is 100% made to be non-sexual.
Another thing I can’t ignore is the saxophone guy. An older gentleman who’s very likely the leader of the whole cult who made this. Perhaps that creep is responsible for the music itself. It can only have been made in a dungeon of some sort. There’s no way sunlight was present during the making of this song. I gotta think, he’s the ringmaster to this circus and his intentions are pure evil. He seems like the type who carries a bible around everywhere but will also put his hand on the knee of a young teen for an inappropriate amount of time. In fact, the chorus of this entire song could be a veiled explanation of his method of seduction.
Walk walk walk (to my van)
Skip Skip Skip (to my basement)
It’s all so clear.

And, to add to the darkness, this other video of theirs really drives home my worst fears. Satan is real.

So, yeah…I really hope theory 1 is right cause, if it isn’t ,someone needs to alert the authorities immediately. Surely, those five girls are probably missing and that kid has already done something he never thought he was capable of. It’s all so very dark.

14 thoughts on “This week in ridiculous rap: Three Beat Slide

  1. The people in the photo at the top of the post are all related. Father-son-daughter most likely. Makes me wonder where they got all those other girls. Cousins? The aforementioned basement? Seems like the more questions you can answer about this family/cult the more other questions come up. I think they’re serious about this music shit and that disturbs me. I’m holding out hope that it’s some Andy Kaufman level comedy though.

  2. Both theories are basically correct – this is not a joke, they’re an actual family band and a bottomless source of this particular flavor of Cringe LULZ … but yet at the same time, this is a complete joke and they should have a show on Adult Swim ASAP.

  3. After the part where we see the girls in the thongs on the beach, I thought for sure Friendzone Billy would turn around sporting the most massive boner of his life.

    (Hopefully that link works) They were definitely on Tosh.0, and as per usual, he made fun of them perfectly. If the link doesn’t work, and you’re bored enough to be curious, search “Tosh.0 Summertime is Great Web Redemption”

  5. So the point of this post was to talk about Skip Skip Slide and you have two theories that it’s either fake or real…genius stuff man.

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