Defending My Tweets Vol. 15

What’s up.
I be tweetin’, yo. Sometimes 141 characters only scratches the surface of what i need to say. So, when that happens, I bring it here, to “defending my tweets”. Not so much defending them as I am explaining them but you get the idea. Let me get my rant on…it’s only fair.

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Slang is a funny, constantly evolving creature. It generally starts in the hood, gets picked up on by some local rappers, becomes a regional thing then, eventually, spreads across the country until midwestern white kids are saying it to their moms and it dies when a movie shows an old white lady saying “For shizzle my nizzle!” for a cheap laugh.
Before the internet, slang was extremely regional. East coast people and west coast people had entirely different dialects. I remember , going out west when I was 16 and hearing “Hella” for the first time. I was like “What the fuck are these backwood rubes even talking about?”. Out east, we said “mad”. As in, “This soup has mad flavor”. We said things like “dope” or if it was cold it was “brick”. People weren’t “mark ass busters” they were “Herbs”. Hearing the local dialect of the bay area was a mind fuck for me. Every now and then, someone would come from that side of the country to NYC and probably have the same experience. I suppose, without the internet to clue us all in, the slang of other provinces was a total mystery.
Well, clearly, things have changed. Much like everything else under the sun, language has become homogenized. The same way everyone dresses the same, they all speak the same. I hear brooklyn natives say “hella” now. It makes my skin crawl but it’s a reality. The funny thing is, slang tends to follow whatever geographic location is most thriving musically. So, the east and west coast have taken a back seat to the south. For the first time, the south is dictating what slang the entire US is adopting. And, i gotta say, they are fucking prolific with the lingo.
In the case of “Turn up” or “Turnt”, it’s no longer a big deal. It’s still a part of the everyday lexicon for many but it’s not the new kid on the block. The midwestern whites have gotten a hold of it and I’m sure there is a movie with Betty White coming soon where she will finally put that phrase to bed forever.
In the case of this tweet, it was more about the misuse of slang. Much like the way people use “literally” or “epic” wrong, watching 3 fat white dudes with neckbeards buying 4 loko’s in a 7-11 a while back, talking about “we about to turn up!” , it just seemed to go against the spirit of the word. I dunno…to me , “turning up” should mean a real party. not 3 guys on a couch getting drunk and checking their phones every 45 seconds. That sounds pretty turned down, if you ask me.

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This is a case where i tweeted this knowing what i would be getting in response. I knew a portion of the people would get my intention. You know, a joke.
But, I also knew that comment section on my facebook wall would be littered with “sure fire hangover cures” cause EVERYONE has one. Well, guess what? Your cure is bullshit. Sure, some thing may lessen the pain but there is nothing that makes the feeling go away altogether. it’s like a common cold. You gotta just see it through. “Oh well, I drink a mixture of bitters and tumeric and a soft boiled egg…i feel as good as new!” Shut the fuck up. Listen, if a cure existed, it would be sold in every store on earth and the person who invented it would have enough money to buy apple. You can temper elements of a hangover, sure. Headache? Aspirin helps. Dehydration? Drink some water or pedialyte. Exhaustion? Take a nap. All these things help, but none fix it.
Then there are the smarmy dickheads who respond with “Well, just don’t drink!”. Well, who invited you into this conversation? That like telling someone who just got their heart broken “Well, just don’t fall in love!”.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are the destructive people who advise to simply keep drinking. That’s great and all but you can’t out run a hangover forever. Sure, it may not be bad after one beer but, rest assured, it will find you and make you pay. especially if you’re on a bender. Best case scenario for a real bender? You die before you wake up and don’t have to face the repercussions of your partying.
Listen, to me, drinking is fun. being drunk with friends or whatever…it’s what I’m willing to exchange to feel like shit the next day. The second that first drink is in the bank and I’m ordering another, I’m basically signing a contract that reads “Tomorrow will suck so enjoy today”. I can live with that. Just don’t try and sell me on your magic potion that makes the hangover go away cause it doesn’t exist and you’re lying to yourself. *cue hangover cures in the comment section from people who are liars*

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I feel as though every day people don’t know of this struggle. If you work in an office or anywhere that doesn’t revolve around rap music, this will be a foreign concept to you. As someone who makes beats and tours, I come across all sorts of rappers. Hopefully, they’re people I know and respect. Sometimes,i’m not so lucky. When I do shows, there’s usually at least one guy who seeks me out and wants to rap for me. This is a disaster on a few levels.
1)No thanks
2)I’m not a record label and cannot help anyones career
3)Please stop, we’re in public.
4)Your breath, dude
5)It’s loud in here. i can’t hear you anyway
There are few sentences I’d rather hear less than “Yo, mind if I spit you something real quick?”. It’s right behind “You ARE the father!” and “The test came back positive”.
The thing about the person that does this is that they are harmless yet clearly socially inept. They’re not trying to ruin my day. They just love to rap and want to share that love with me. Thing is, there’s a time and place for that. Cornering me at my merch booth at my own show and spitting into my ear is not the move. Even if the kid is good (they never are), what’s the end game? i give you my number and we make an album together? No. The fact you rap raped me at my own show will immediately make me never wanna work with you. I used to be too nice and just let it happen but in the last few years, I’ve tightened the screws and shut it down when it’s offered. for the most part, the budding rappers have understood.
But you people who feel the need to talk about your dreams? Just fuck off. Ain’t nobody trying to hear about your nocturnal imagination farts. Trust me.
I imagine, somewhere out there, there is a rapper who has written rhymes based on his dreams. I hope i never meet him though cause I’m really not trying to implode in public.

5 thoughts on “Defending My Tweets Vol. 15

  1. Hahahahahahava!!! “Nocturnal imagination farts”!!! Its shit like that that keeps me coming back to read more. Awesome.

  2. midwestern white here, confirming your statements about slang being pretty damn dead by the time we start using it

  3. My neighbor was a nurse and brought home iv drips. Yes, it 100% is the hangover “cure” but it’s not sold everywhere because you can’t just buy saline solution and a needle to put it in your arm.

    • I dunno. My hangover consist of me feeling like I kinda need to vomit and pretty much being underslept and worthless. No amount of hydration would fix that. i might lessen it, but fix it entirely? I don’t buy that at all. Remember, alcohol is poison.

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