Yay or Nay? Woke (Fly-lo, Shabazz Palaces, Thundercat)

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Supergroups come in all shapes and sizes. Often the sum of their parts is greater than the whole, though. Expectations can hurt cause people see a line up of familiar names and get excited. Recently, Flying Lotus, Shabazz Palaces an Thundercat have joined forces for a project called “WOKE”. Now, on paper, this is a very sexy looking trio. A great producer, a great rapper and a great bassist/singer. On top of that, there’s the weirdo factor. All three of these guys are outside the box and the thought of them joining forces really is wide open. They could do so much. It’s almost hard to even guess where a project like this could go.
So, the first song leaks and it features George Clinton. That’s pretty big. The question is, can all these forces combine and create something great? Can they live up to the impossibly high standards a project like this sets by even existing? You tell me.

What do you think? You can pick more than one answer.

Defending my Tweet Vol. 16

I tweet. It’s a thing. Sometimes, 141 characters isn’t enough to truly say what I want to say. for times like that, I come here and really just air out my rants. It’s a good exercise in exorcism. Sometimes I need to explain my case with more clarity, other times I simply need to expand on a thought. So, this is that. Allow me to defend my tweets…

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It’s true, all things are not black and white. As much as I’d like to be able to generalize for our entire species , some things I deem to be a constant are not what they seem. For example, being stuck in the friendzone. It’s a location most people have been forced into in their lives and no one is ever too psyched about it. On one hand, you want to have sex with this “friend” of yours. On the other, they look at you as a person who has a fleshy patch of skin where your genitals should be. It’s not an easy task to prove them wrong. Some guys are persistent and are willing to wait it out just in case. And I mean years. Decades. Just on that off chance of a night where the girl they’ve been secretly pining for will stop confiding to them about her other boyfriends and start looking at him like a person of sexual value. Now, I get why guys do this but it does undermine the entire point of a “friendship” (and I’m not one of those people who think men and women can’t actually be friends. I don’t think it’s common and balanced as some but it certainly does exist). But , to simply stick around a girl you wanna have sex with for years, masquerading as a “friend” just based on the chance you might one day get to put your penis in them…it’s just a testament to us men in general. Time is of no importance. Are priorities are less than admirable. We’re kinda the worst.
In my mind, the friendzone was always a place with very little wiggle room. I’ve had sex with female friends but , in those cases, I was never really in the friendzone. Sure, at times I felt like it but there was always an air of “eh, this could happen”. No one told me “You’re like a brother to me!” as my soul slowly crumpled up in a little ball the house at the end of “Poltergeist”. But, like I said, I always viewed being in the friendzone as lifetime location. Then, alone comes Quintin Tarantino and he shatters all I ever believed in.
Here is a man who first casted Uma Thurman in a movie in 1994. At the time he was the hottest new director in hollywood who had just made his most beloved movie , “Pulp Fiction” in which Thurman starred in. My timeline could be off but I’m pretty sure she was already married to Ethan Hawke at the time. Tarantino, who is a great director is also a total fucking nerd. Hearing the guy talk makes me wanna put on a football jersey and throw him in a locker. But he’s a brilliant guy so it somewhat evens it out. I gotta think, back then, he was obsessed with Thurman. I bet he was he buddy on set. Her “Work husband”, as it were. She probably though he was a sweet and funny guy. Her pal! The movie became a classic and 10 years later, he had her play the lead role in the Kill Bill movies. Still friends. Probably REALLY good friends. By this time, she’s divorced and he’s probably dating some quiet asian woman. Still, “Kill Bill” always seemed like an homage to Uma from Quinton. His admiration for her jumps off the screen. I’m sure he relentlessly flirted on set and she pretended she didn’t realize it was flirting , writing it off as “Quintin being Quintin!”.
But, something after that happened…Something changed. 10 years later they were seen “canoodling”. That means “They fuckin’, bro” , in press language. Now, neither person admits this happened and scoffed at the idea but, you know what? i think he broke the matrix on this one. I don’t know how…but I think he did. And that’s just the amount of false hope anyone who’s ever been in the friendzone needs to keep plugging away for another 20 years. Godspeed, friendzoned people. Maybe your time will come one day. It only took Q-dawg two decades but I’m sure the pay off was great.

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It’s funny how random animals can become popular out of nowhere. Remember when Meerkat’s were a thing? Or what about baby seals? Pretty much any cute animal will have it’s time in the spotlight. Sure, they may not read buzzfeed’s “Top 46 most cutest ocelots” list but it exists.
So, in the last 5 years, sloths have began to see their star brighten. This has been to my joy cause I’ve always been a big sloth fan. Not only are they cute but I respect their lifestyle. But, I feel like the guy who liked the band before they got popular. I was riding for sloths in 7th grade. I learned about them when I gave a speech about them in class. I did the work. I went to the library (this was before the internet), I found the Encyclopedia S book. I plagiarized the entire thing and then read it to my class. That’s what we did back then. But, while I was doing this, i realized that I actually was interested in sloths. What I had learned about them made me like them. Like, did you know they can swim fast? How about: when they die, if they’re hanging in a tree, they will remain there for two weeks. Yes, they hang there, dead for two weeks until their grip finally loosens and they fall to the rain forest floor. How awesome is that? Like, you could be walking through a forest and a two week dead sloth could just fall on you. Gotcha! Sloths are so wacky.
I have a framed photo of a sloth on the wall of my apartment. I’ve had it since I was a kid. I own multiple sloth t-shirts. I’m really bout this sloth life, guys, So, to see all these “baby sloth’s take a bath!” videos that pop up on my facebook feed leaves me with mixed feelings. On one hand, I’m happy to see more sloths but , on the other, it’s like they’re no longer just my thing anymore. They’ve….sold out. Well, not them…but they’ve been exploited by the media. Soon, they’ll be wearing sunglasses at night and mailing in their cute photo ops. Man…what a bummer.

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On twitter, you get notified every time a person of status follows you. About once every two weeks, my phone will buzz and I’ll look down to see something like “DJ Swingout has followed you!” Who? So, i go look and see that a guy I have never heard of who has 50,000 followers just followed me. Weird. Upon closer inspection, it turns out he follows 45,000 people. Upon either closer inspection, his 50,000 followers don’t give a fuuuuuuuuck about him. No retweets. No favorites. He basically has assembled a bot army to , perhaps, show some promoter at a club who will hire him off the strength of his twitter follows.
Now, I see this a few ways. Buying followers is corny and pathetic but I get why people do it. Twitter actually does somehow have weight. Especially for dj’s and entertainers. But the whole idea of following all those people is insane to me. Like, I follow less than 300 people and my timeline is a mess. If you follow 5000 people, that shit must be completely useless. No sane person who actually uses their twitter or instagram can possibly be okay with that. Only a desperate person or a fake person could handle such a ridiculous timeline. Not to mention, there’s an air of exclusivity to people who don’t follow EVERYONE. It makes them seem more, dare I say, human. And i feel as though all those people these fake dj’s are trying to get jobs from might take notice of that.
Now, there are exceptions. Lil B, Riff Raff, Taye Diggs. All those dudes took a “follow them all back” approach. They’re all established and , I’m assuming, never check their timelines in general. In fact, they seem like dudes who probably only use their dm’s, if you know what I mean. But the point is, people know who they are. If you have a million followers on a social network and you’re name draws a blank on a google search, what’s really good?
This business is tough and people have to do what they gotta do but, goddamn, have some self respect. I’m talking to you DJ Snapback and DJ Angel heart. Those aren’t real people but they might as well be.

Answers for questions vol. 258

How bout some bunnies on a monday?!?!
Hi there everyone. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”! You ask me anything, and I will try my best to give you my answer. I always need more questions to get creative and shoot me some shit. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section below.
This week is a funny batch cause there are a LOT of tinder related questions. I didn’t ask for them but they came. I did my best to be honest.

Have any of your Tinder dates gone awry (just go horribly, been catfished, etc.)?

I haven’t had many dates from tinder yet. But the few I did went fine. To be honest, Tinder has led to way more “texting with girls” than it has actual hanging out. I think everyone on both sides is generally a little more careful about actually putting themselves out there for a real meet up situation.
As for catfishing…I’ve come across a lot of spam account but this one time I was writing with this girl and she was like “Hey, I’m about to close my Tinder profile, find me on facebook so we can keep talking…”
I was like “okay” but , when I thought about it for a second , it made no sense for her to literally cancel her entire tinder profile at that very moment. I got curious as to what was going on so I followed up on Facebook. She was foreign, so her english was kind of iffy. We were talking and I think I said something like “I’m glad you’re not a fake account cause i’ve come across those before” and she started acting really weird. I don’t know if , perhaps, she was lost in translation but she kept being like “You’re being weird…”. I was not at all being weird. In fact, I was being super polite and trying to explain what I meant and how it wasn’t a harmful comment. But, the more I did that, the more she was like “This makes me uncomfortable!” and eventually she just unfriended me and blocked me. It was bizarre. I gotta think something was going on over there but I never figured it out. People are so crazy on the internet you can’t really put anything past anyone.

What’s your approach on Tinder? Do you have just a normal selfie? Do you have pictures of you with cute little animals like puppies or kittens? Do you have you being all athletic? etc. etc.
I don’t do any of that shit. I have normal photos of me being normal. A few of them are on the funny side of things.
I gotta say, the longer I’ve been on it the less seriously I take it. Which says a lot cause I never took it that seriously to begin with. I look at it far less now than I did when I first got on it. It kinda just becomes stale after a while. Nowadays, I use iy to pass time while I’m shitting. I barely swipe right on anyone and don’t go in with any intentions of ever talking to anyone. I mean if I match and someone hollers at me, sure but that doesn’t really happen. So, I’d say my approach is one of a person who doesn’t really give a shit about it anymore.

Yo Block, not to beat a dead horse about the whole Tinder thing, but have any women on there recognized you as Blockhead? If so, what have the conversations been like? Also, are you looking forward to touring as a single man again?
I just want to point out that all three of these questions came from separate people , in this order. I didn’t ask for Tinder related questions. It’s actually amazing so many readers could be so linked up in their train of thought.
I haven’t had many people recognize me as “Blockhead” on tinder. I certainly don’t promote myself on there. But, thing is, I’m only dealing with people I match with and that in itself is a rarity so the pool is already pretty shallow. A few girls I spoke to , when the conversation comes around to what we do for a living, have been like “Oh, no way! I’ve heard of you…” once I tell them who I am but, for the most part, nobody knows or cares.

As for touring as a single man…yeah, I am looking forward to it. Kinda scared to be honest cause I have only been really single once in my life while touring and never in the way I tour now. I’m more curious of how it’s gonna work and how I will react to it. Part of me is excited and ready to be a debauched scum bag but the other part of me is somewhat realistic and knows that I do have a ceiling to how wild I can get and what my comfort zone is. I’m too old for after parties and chasing ass till 6 am after a show. I suppose there will have to be a happy medium. Funny thing is, as you get older with touring, sleep is more important than anything so I can definitely see myself passing up opportunities in exchange for a full nights rest.

Where you there the night referenced by aesop rock on “Tv On 10″? That shit’s crazy. The closest experience i have to that is my wife telling me her dad died that night suddenly. We were thirty-ish. I can’t imagine at 18. ” holey fucking shit”

That was at my house. I am “Tony” in that song. A little background on it…
A bunch of people were hanging out at my place. My spot was pretty much a clubhouse back then. People would come over smoke weed, get fucked up and just chill till late. That particular day, there were 5 people hanging. Just taking bong hits and watching tv. Aes was there, among others. At some point, a news report pops on the screen about a swiss air plane crash in Nova scotia. We didn’t think much about it so we kept switching the channels. As some point, another friend says “hmm…my mom was on a swiss air flight…” All of us, who were stoned and dumb, we like “Nah, it wasn’t her plane it crashed in Nova Scotia” (stoner logic: Planes only crash where they’re flying to). But, cause he was curious we kept watching the news. As details leaked out, it started to seem like his worry was actual possible. He went into my bedroom and called his dad. He was in there for like 45 minutes and all of us started feeling uneasy. It became clear that this was actually happening. It was one of the most fucked up situations I have ever been involved in. He came eventually out the bedroom, visibly shaken and was like “Yo, I gotta go…” hopped on his bike and left. The rest of us were just left there with out mouths open asking “What the fuck just happened?”. It was awful.

7 years ago while I was in high school I rocked the freshest shirts. Always would buy xl because I was raised with the baggy look even though my friends drifted towards the skinny slim fit style.

Fast forward 7 years to the present, I’m 6’0″ 170 lbs and I’ve entered the professional world. In an effort to look more “put together” I started wearing size L. Thing is With my body shape and the combined 0 minutes of daily exercise, my beer belly and slight figure of man boobs shows through the size L. Now the easy answer is jog for 20 minutes and do some push-ups fatty, but I don’t see that happening,

Is it a better look to wear a tighter fitting L and let my luscious lumps peak through? Or wear the baggier XL and look for lesser words like a “slob”?

I mean…damned if you do damned if you don’t. Wearing tight shit that shows off your pear body isn’t gonna do much for you but being the baggy shirt wearing guy in 2015 is gonna have a similar effect. I’d say you have to wear what you’re more comfortable in. Both are problematic but , at the very least, if you’re wearing the baggy shirts, you feel a little less self conscious all the time.
But, seriously, take some pride in yourself and exercise. If it’s bad now , you don’t wanna see what happens when you’re in your 30’s. You’re in your mid 20’s now. That weight will fly off if you apply yourself a little. A beer belly is one thing but tits on a dude are a dangerous thing to have at your age.

You’re a very good writer. Did you become a good writer by reading a lot? Or would you say it all just comes naturally to you?

Can’t tell if this question is being snarky or if it’s actually a compliment.
But, i can tell you, I do not read a lot. Never have. My relationship with reading is a turbulent one. Well, for one, reading killed my father. Just kidding. No, but seriously, reading has never really taken for me. I mean, I can read. I’m capable of it but , in general, I get bored very easily. When I have read books, I don’t get any joy out them. They feel like a task. I’ll be reading a page and my mind with start drifting. five minutes will pass and I will have read a few pages and have no idea what happened cause I was essentially just reading words without absorbing any of their meaning cause my mind was elsewhere. Even when I have gotten through books, I never really feel one way or another. I generally forget them within minutes of putting them down. I don’t know what it is. I used to think it was cause I had A.D.D. but , the reality is, I’m capable of focusing when I want to. I just don’t ever want to when it comes to sitting down and cracking open a book.
So, the way I write is pretty much how I think. That’s probably why these columns can be so meandering and full of errors. I’m not basing my style of writing on the work of others and i have very little to compare and contrast with. So, for better or worse, I write like this.

Would you rather eat a plate full of hair or a plate full of scabs. Both are your own.
If they are my own, I’mma go with scabs. As gross as it is, hair would just be too hard to eat, chew and swallow. Scabs at least would be easier to put down. I could just take them down like dry ass oysters. Also, as a kid, I’m pretty sure I ate a scab or two. They were salty. I could handle that.

Demo Reviews Vol. 73

Hi! Welcome to another edition of “Demo reviews”. All you budding artists out there sent me your music so I could possibly shatter your dreams with my cynical and pointless opinion. If you’d like to submit a song, there are RULES. Read them in that link before you send me anything.
Anyway, the reviews work like so: I peep on song, write a paragraph of two about it then arbitrarily review it based on these four categories

Honestly, the rating don’t mean much but I know how people like numbers.
This weeks batch is actually pretty solid, including one of the better demo’s I’ve ever received. Don’t forget to vote for your favorite at the bottom. Game on.

Artist: Badd
Song: That’s him

I do love a good Ric Flair sample but this shit is just kinda boring. At first I hated the rapper but he says a few lines that cracked me up. At the same time, other lines had me blushing cause they were so corny.
The beat is…well…like nothing. Some soft drums with an 808 and a bass tone. It feels as if this song was meant to have a particular feel to it and it just missed the boat.
Production:3 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:3 out of 10

Artist: Walkingshoe
Song:Nora Ft. yU

This is really dope. The beat is bugged out and spacey. Really well made. The rapper is good too. Great voice, nice flow and an overall nice presence.
It’s cool cause the production feels totally original when matched with these types of rap vocals. I actually wish it were longer. My only complaint is that the beat doesn’t switch up but that’s pretty minor.
Production:7.5 out of 10
Vocals:7 out of 10
Listenability:7.5 out of 10
Originality:6 out of 10

Artist: Forty-xo
song:7 in the morning

I’ve come around to drake after his last album but this song is an example of why he’s still a problem. His influence on others who are less talented. This dude should not be singing ever. Never ever ever. I almost feel like this is a joke. i realize there are a slew of terrible singing rappers out there who sound slightly learning disabled and that’s a thing right now but this shit is just silly. The beat is not bad though, so there’s that.
Production:5.5 out of 10
Vocals:2 out of 10
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:1 out of 10

Artist: L-Theanine
Song: What’s happening

The rapper has his heart in the right place but that voice is too much for me to handle. I’m fully racist against white voice. I know, it’s not fair.
This is brand of underground verbose rap that I’m kinda over (with a few exceptions) so it’s hard for me to really care that much. Not their fault. More just a personal preference on my point. But he can rap on technical lever without question.
I like the beat. Some parts work better than others but it’s interesting.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Professor Caveman
Song: Puffin’ down the Dart

Well, this is out of nowhere. This feels like just some old song. Is it? I’m actually confused. I rarely get like music so i really don’t know what to say about it. It’s well done, really well recorded. The singing is okay but does the job I suppose. I’m not really a rock and roll guy though so I don’t feel I have much perspective to review this kinda thing.
Production:6.5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Gatsby the Great
Song: Breathe

The beat is a nice mix of different styles. Well made and well arranged. The rapper is good and i can always appreciate a lisp. Still, he’s not drawing me into the song that much. I found myself listening more to the track than the raps.
Production:6 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Saba
Song: Next Door

Am i just to old for this kinda shit? I may be. I don’t mind it. I see why this style is popular but it always feels lazy to me. I dunno why. Or maybe it’s just so clearly trying to be this thing that so many other people are doing that I can’t take it that seriously. It’s too bad cause I think they rapper/singer is actually pretty good. The beat is solid too. Well made and mixed. I just hate listening to a new rapper and knowing immediately who he listen to.
Production:5.5 out 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:6 out of 10
Originality:1 out of 10

Artist: Benny Beyond and the Archaeologist
Song: Toupee

I like this beat in theory but it’s a touch abrasive for my actual taste. The crash drum dominates the mix a bit to much. Outside of that, it’s good though.
The rapping is fine. Not mad at it but also not too excited about it. Overall, pretty decent.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

What do you think?

Feeding the trolls


I feel as though I do one of these kinda rants on a yearly basis. Feel free to skip it if you’ve heard it before.

There is something about the seasonal change that brings about a certain vibe on the internet. Perhaps it’s just me, but the climate on my social networks has been cloudy with a chance of dickheads lately. Now, this could be entirely self imposed , as my twitter and facebook are common place for me just saying some dumb shit. Typically, they are things we call “jokes” and they’re harmless but , hey, we all have our triggers and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t them expect to get a slight rise out of some people. It also doesn’t help that popping off at the mouth is so easy now. There was a time when, if someone said something publicly that upset another person, the outraged person would have to go home, type up a strongly worded letter on an actual typewriter (or even handwrite it!) and send it to the person via actual mail. I’m guessing, in most cases, this arduous process led to that outrage never leaving the person’s typewriter and vanishing into the ether. Today though? Wooooo! If I write “I think red starbursts taste better than orange starbursts”, everyone on earth has the power to tell me I’m a stupid piece of shit within seconds of reading those very words. We’ve come a long way, guys.

In my everyday life, I’m a very non-confrontational person. I avoid arguments. Especially petty ones. But there is something about some smug prick on his phone or laptop , typing a snarky remark to a stranger that no one asked for that just cannot be ignored. So I rarely do ignore them. If , for no other reason, to say to them “Hey dick, I actually read this shit…stop being an asshole”. Sure, I could be a bigger person and ignore it. I probably should be. But, to me, that just justifies their behavior. I realize this all comes off as overly sensitive. But I feel it’s more about justice and breaking down peoples entitlement. The truth of it all is I’m never sitting here with my feelings hurt. I barely even have “feelings”. Some dude tells me my music sucks, I don’t wallow and question my self worth. I’d more likely write him “was that necessary?” cause, well, it never is. I suppose it has more to do with me wishing people would think before they write. I want to live in a world where people consider the things they say before pressing “send”. It’s bigger than me ever being “offended” or “Butt hurt”. It’s about common decency towards complete strangers. Add in that these people are often fans of mine and it’s even crazier but I guess that’s equally part of the problem. People feel entitled to let the world know every fucking thought they have and, really, no one needs to hear that from anyone. From a loser on twitter with one follower to Kanye west to Obama. Some thoughts should just stay inside forever for the betterment of all parties involved.
The funniest thing about responding to people who troll on the internet is that, about 50% of the time, they are like “Whoa, I didn’t think you’d respond! Thanks!”. And therein lies the problem. That means they’re doing it just to do it. Cause they can. It’s like going up to someone and slapping them then thanking them for punching you in return. I guess my brain doesn’t work like that. I’ve never craved negative attention from strangers or, especially, from an artist I might admire. But the lines of communication are such that it’s too easy. Sometimes I think about what life is like for actual famous people. At some point, they must just stop looking at anything related to them cause the things people say are so loathsome. Like, I think Kim Kardashian is probably a shitty human being. But can you , for one moment, imagine being her while she reads her instagram comments? She must weep constantly. And you may be saying “But you just called her a piece of shit!”. Yes, I kinda did. But i didn’t write it directly to her or tag her in this post to make sure she’d see it. That’s the difference between going out of your way to be spiteful and simply voicing an opinion. It’s funny cause, it’s human nature to focus on the negative. You could hear 100 nice things said about you but that one shitty comment will be the one that sticks in your craw. It’s just how we’re wired.

Now, I’m writing this to somewhat vent but to also point something out to all the trolls out there. This is a two way street. Just as you are allowed to say whatever you want to me, I’m allowed to return the favor. In fact, if you open a negative dialogue directly with me based on something I said that wasn’t personally aimed at you, all bets are off. I can simply defend myself, block you, ban you, or just let you know you’re being an asshole and move on. If those things happen, you should not be surprised cause, after all, I’m a reactionary human being just like you. There’s a common response of the troll where they come back at a retort like “Why do you even care? I’m a nobody!”. Well, that’s exactly why I care. People think just cause they are a faceless twitter handle or a lonely facebook account that they don’t matter. I would argue they do matter. Not cause they’re important (They’re clearly not. None of us really are in the bigger picture). They matter cause we live in a time where EVERY voice is heard. While the troll may think his/her existence is a blip, their voice is echoing just as loud as the person with 1000 followers. By chiming in and coming at someone directly, you are entering the conversation, regardless of your personal status. That said, there is something kinda sad about a person who creates social media accounts just to bust peoples balls. They are worse than people on “catfish”. At least those people are somewhat looking for love.

I’d also like to clarify that this is 100% about strangers talking to strangers. Trolling your friends is another thing entirely. It’s fun and what many friendships are built upon. The reason being, a friend knows you. They know your boundaries. They know you know what they mean. There’s history, inside jokes and perspective. All that doesn’t exist when Johnny nobody fires off an angry response to a tweet his favorite bass player made a month ago about how kale is better than Swiss chard.

I’d like to live on an internet where the ideal of “If you wouldn’t say it to my face, then don’t write it to me on the internet” is the norm. Surely some will read that and be like “Fuck that, I’d say it to your face!” but I don’t even mean that in an aggressive “Come at me, bro!” kinda way. I mean, when you’re speaking to someone face to face and you say something that is unwarranted, pointlessly mean or spiteful and you actually are forced to see them react. You see their brow furl and the air in the room noticeably change to uncomfortable. You can read their emotions. You get that weird feeling of immediate regret cause you spoke harsher than you meant to. Suddenly, you feel empathy. Imagine that? Real human decency. You might even say “My bad, I didn’t mean it like that…” cause you have first hand witnessed how your uselessly negative words effected another person.

OR, Fuck it. Keep just rifling off every shitty thought you have at anyone who will listen. Push buttons on strangers for your own weird enjoyment. Amplify your loneliness in real time for the world to see. Whatever makes you “happy”. But, rest assured, NO ONE who does that kinda thing on a regular basis is truly happy. I don’t know about you but I’ve never been feeling good about myself and decided “I’m gonna pick a fight with a complete stranger over nothing”. Miserable people tend to want to make others feel just as shitty as they do. It’s unfortunate but it’s reality. So, to all you miserable shitheads who opt to pass your time like this, I just wanna say “Sup? everything okay?”. Unfortunately, I think we both know the answer to that.

I remixed “Bitch Better have my Money” by Rihanna

Are you there, Rihanna? It’s me, Blockhead.
So, every now and then, I get a little restless and feel like putting something out. Anything. A great way to quench this thirst is to remix a random song. For me, it’s kinda fun to take popular songs that people either love or hate and put an entirely new spin on them. I did it with “Hot Nigga”, I did it with “CLassic Man”, and now I’m doing it with Rihanna’s “Bitch better have my money”. In the cases of all these songs, I actually like the originals. I’m sure that thought is appalling to some of you anti-pop music avengers but ,hey, a song is a song and just cause it’s made by millionaires doesn’t mean it’s bad. So, here is my version of “Bitch Better have my money”. Hopefully, Rihanna will hear it, fall in love with me and this will all be worth it.
Oh and it’s a free download on my soundcloud page so go nuts.

Side note, I do love doing these remixes. If you got any ideas of a current song that you’d like to hear me remix (one that has an existing acapella) , give me some ideas. I’m always open to try new stuff like this. Leave any ideas (and links to the acapellas if possible) in the comment section. I might make these remixes a regular thing.

Shout out to Sam Woolley for the artwork.

Answers for questions vol. 257

Yo. Hi. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for questions”. You, the readers, ask me stuff and I do my best to answer them. It’s open season. If you’d like to ask me anything, fire away. Email me questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section. Ask as many questions as you like. This week, in fact, is almost all questions from one person. With the exception of the first one, it’s pretty much a short interview. That’s fine with me.
Let’s do that…

I saw a while back you answered the grossest things you’ve seen on the NYC subways. Has that list been updated since then? Anyways, what’s the most fucked up thing you’ve seen? Also, related but different, what brand of person do you loath on the subway?

I haven’t seen anything astoundingly gross on the train in a while. Perhaps that’s a testament to NYC is cleaning up or I just haven’t been on the right train. I did see the BEST thing on a train a month or so ago, though. I may have told this story already here but it’s worth repeating.
I was on the G, in brooklyn. it’s a fairly hipster heavy line. This man bun having bearded dude gets on the train wearing a sun dress. He was not trans-anything. He was not a cross dresser. He was a normal white brooklyn guy wearing a dress cause he doesn’t subscribe to societies norms, maaaaannnn. I got no problem with people expressing themselves but it’s the try-hardness that gets to me. He seemed VERY happy with himself. Smug, in fact. So, he gets on, I glance over and just roll my eyes and forget about it. The next stop, about 15 teenagers get on, fresh out of school. The second they walk through the door I hear “Oh no! LOOK AT THIS NIGGA!!!!!” “Son, are you in a dress??!?!?!” They are howling with laughter and clowning the dude for the entire next two stops. It was in no way threatening to the guy. It was a good old fashioned snap session and it made me feel warm inside for a few reasons.
1) The kids were hilarious. I think someone referred to him as “Ol’ Mary poppins ass nigga” which made me laugh out loud.
2)It reminded me of old new york. A place where you had to realize that you, a random guy on the train, are at the mercy of all those around you. That mind set bought about a certain level of humility that is severely lacking in all these kids that move to brooklyn and think shit is sweet.
3) There is no filter for teenagers and it’s beautiful. I’m sure in the dress wearing guys world, no one questions his skirt and if they do he has some PC answer about his individuality that shuts them down. When dealing with hood ass teens? NOPE. You are judged at face value. If you’re a hipster in a sundress, you will be clowned. That’s just how it is. I love it. It’s my equivalent to the floating bag in “American beauty”. It was a perfect moment.

Sorry for the sidebar, just wanted to tell that story cause I love it so much.
So answer your last question about people on the subway I loath,
I’d say the people who don’t let people leave the train before getting on. That shit is some “raised by wolves” mindset I just can’t stand for. That and people who eat Mcdonalds in the train. Savage behavior.

Who would you rather be stuck in an elevator with, Miley or Kanye?

Hmm…I honestly don’t think being stuck in a room , one on one, with either of them would be that bad. If I was stuck with Kanye, we could talk rap. Underneath all the bullshit, he’s from the exact same era as I am. It’s not like I’d talk to him about his clothing lines or something. In the case of Miley, her shit is all an act. She’s a business woman. I saw a special about her on MTV a while back where you literally see her turn on her “persona” and turn it off within seconds of each other. She knows what she’s doing. Also, she’s probably kinda fun. Maybe we’d pop a molly in the elevator. So, talking to her wouldn’t be that bad either. That said, I’d have less to talk to her about so I’mma go with Kanye.

What do you think is grosser, ear wax or belly button lint?
In what context? To eat? To bath in? or to just touch? In all cases, stuff that my own body produces isn’t gonna be that gross to me. Sure, I’m not trying to get my own shit in my mouth but, in general, if I get my own belly lint or ear wax on my finger, I can deal with it. So, the gauge of this is OTHER PEOPLES wax and lint. If I had another persons ear wax on me, that would be disgusting. Belly button lint isn’t that big an issue to me.

Do you floss regularly?
Not regularly. When I need it.

In your whole life, have you ever been on a farm?
Of course I have. I’ve been to farms a bunch of times. I have left NYC many many times over the course of my life.

Did you go to many amusement parks growing up? Ever been to a water park?
A little bit. Out east we only really had great adventure and I never went there. I’d go when I’d visit family out west. I’ve never been to a water park but a few of the amusement parks I went to had water rides.
I loved going to those places but I think I’m good on them now. Like, rollercoasters and shit like that ? I dunno anymore. Being scared like I MIGHT die just doesn’t appeal to me anymore and the thought of actually being that 1 in 50000000 who does die doing some fear seeking type shit is just not worth it for me.

What do you think is the best part of a boob – side, under or top? The middle is not an option?
I think the top. It’s the most common side we see but that’s cause it’s perfect. I love some side and underboob but I feel as though those get shine cause they’re rarer. If we saw that side of boobs as often as we did cleavage, we’d probably all say we like the top the most.

When you were in Miami did you go to the beach at all? If so, did you feel self-conscious about the paleness of your bod?
I actually did go to the beach. First time in like 15 years I was in sea water. My greenish white pale skin was shining, bro!
Nah, I didn’t feel self conscious about my pale ass skin. It is what it is.

I’m actually living in Brooklyn but working in Manhattan until the end of December. Expect a lot of NYC-specific questions coming from me. On the chance that I do encounter you on the streets, what’s your preferred protocol? Who’s the craziest person you’ve encounter, in person, who was a fan?

The protocol? Say hi. I’ll return the favor. It so rarely happens to me that there’s no way i could ever be rude about it. It’s only a problem is I’m with people. Not cause it’s rude on your part cause those people will inevitably make fun of me afterwards.
I haven’t had many crazy fan run ins on the street. At shows? definitely. But not just walking around. It’s not exactly Beatle-mania when I walk the streets.

Feeling lazy. here are some funny outtakes

I’m not gonna lie, I was brutally attacked by a lone mosquito last night. From 2 am to 6 am, this little asshole stung me continually in places like my knuckles, my neck and the calves. So, sufficed to say, i slept like shit. For that reason, i’m simply too tired to think of anything to write about today. I was gonna skip posting anything entirely today but then I fell into a blooper/outtake worm hole on youtube. I realized bloopers and outtakes from movies and tv shows are some of my favorite things ever and why not share them with you. Got some time to kill? Wanna laugh? Well, this should fulfill all your needs. Enjoy…

What rappers can say the N-word?


Hey, you guys remember Stitches? He’s the guy who made the generation defining song “Brick in yo face!“. I wrote about him when that song dropped cause, well, it was insane. I wasn’t even mad at him. It was like wrestling rap. Since then, he’s put out tons of videos but he has never been able to recapture that cocaine in a bottle. Yesterday, I saw this video and it got me thinking…

Okay, let’s ignore that he did a song dissing Tyga and his child girlfriend. Let’s also ignore the means in which he disses him is telling Tyga he fucked his child girlfriend before him. The logic is staggering. Forget that. What I wanna discuss is Stitches Liberal usage of the N-word.

Now, there’s a few things we must know first…Stitches is of Cuban and Greek descent. I’m gonna go ahead and say he’s more Greek than Cuban and that sliver of Cuban he’s got in him is there just for street cred. I could be wrong but it’s a hunch. But, the fact that I’m even bringing it up is what I find so interesting. At what point does street cred begin, racially? I can only speak for NYC but dominicans and Puerto ricans have been using the N-word with no issues forever out here. No one bats an eye. It’s very much a “product of the environment” situation. I’ve knows tons of white dudes who grew up on those very same neighborhoods who had that word deeply infused in their lexicon. I’m not one of these intellectuals who will argue that that word , when used in those contexts, still carries the hate and disgrace of it’s harsher “er” ending cousin. While it will never be my place to use that word, I also don’t think it’s a black and white issue (No pun intended). Granted, as a white guy, it’s not really my place to say anything about this but it’s 2015 in America. Things are not the same as they were even 20 years ago. We’re a homogenized nation in many way. I’m in no way saying racism is over (Lol @ that) but, on a strictly cultural level within the spectrum rap music, who gets the pass to say that word freely?

I think what is so funny to me is that people will start to argue like there are rules for this. Like “Well, he’s half dominican and grew up in queens so it’s okay”. To me, that’s what makes this whole thing so ridiculous. People start campaigning for the right to say the word without being judged and using their scattered ethnic heritage as a means of defense. I honestly can’t say that’s right or wrong but the fact that it happens speaks louder than the argument itself.

The honest answer to “Who gets a pass?” is one that I don’t think people wanna hear. It’s “whoever wants to say it”. You or I may not approve but that person is gonna do it anyway cause, well, they can. Until someone actively gets them to stop, they can say it. And, even then, they probably won’t stop. Weather they be black, Puerto rican, Asian, or 1/4 cherokee indian. It’s simply too engrained in some people. Doesn’t make it right or wrong, it just makes it a reality. The only people who can truly police language are themselves. I think it’s for that reason I’ve never gotten offended by hearing people say it in rap songs. Sure, my ears perk up and i am shocked when a white dude drops an N-bomb on wax. But my reaction is more “Whoa, that dude has some balls on him” than being offended or outraged. Again, not really my place to feel either way too strongly about that. White males. We don’t really have the luxury of being offended…we’re kinda the worst.

With all that in mind, we all have our own opinions on this phenomenon. Who gets the N-word pass? I wanted to do a poll about it cause I feel like there may be a generational gap on this. My generation has always taken issue with it, especially in rap music. While it’s safe to say all white rappers who grew up in 90’s probably went through a “n-word” heavy stage, the majority of them actively kept it off record or learned that , perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to freely use that word in general. I can’t really speak on how the younger generation views it cause, well, I’m not them. So, here are two polls…One for people over 28 and one for people under. Please only answer for your age group. Let’s see if there is indeed a difference in generational think toward this topic.

You can pick more than one answer if you wanna be difficult about it.
28 year olds and older

27 year olds and younger

Answers for Questions Vol. 256

What up. It’s a new week so that means it’s time for another rousing installment of “Answers for questions”. you ask me anything and I answer it. If you’d like to ask stuff, I’d love you for it. Send questions to phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comments below. Get weird. The better the questions, the better the answers. Okayyyyyyyy? *finger snaps*
Let’s check out this weeks batch…

Do you ever feel like saying “fuck it” and taking off to live in the woods on some Into The Wild shit?

Not ever for a single moment. That’s my nightmare. I love cities. I love NYC, in particular. As much as I can get down with some nice solitude, I prefer to do it in my apart faintly in the background.
To me, the woods is not something I enjoy. I mean, maybe a weekend away with friends and some mushrooms but as a lifestyle? Never. Desolate living has never been my bag. I’m a man of convenience. Nothing is less convenient than living in the middle of nowhere.

What podcasts do you listen to if any?
A bunch. Lately,
The champs
Comedy bang bang
Uh yeah dude
The norm macdonald podcast
Professor blastoff
Race wars
Juan Epstien
Bill Burr’s monday morning podcast
Call chelsea
There are a few more but those the ones I check regularly.

Have you ever had an unexplainably weird thing happen to you?

Like something that was super natural? Something that logic and science could not explain? Hmm…Nope. I mean, “Weird” things happen all the time. Like I had a mouse run up my pant leg once while I was playing video games. That was weird. Or the time I saw this on my way home. But, you know, i could explain that if I had to.

Tell the story of the fattest ass you ever had and if it made you do particularly ass-centric stuff. Which celebrity ass would be most comparable? Additionally, do you feel like asses have gotten bigger? There were Amber roses in the 90s on tv.

Hmmmm…This is gonna sound like a cop out but I can’t put my finger on one particularly fat ass that that stands out. Sadly, i’ve never gotten my hands on a truly big one. Like the AMber rose’s of the world have eluded me. So, this may not be the answer you’re looking for but I do have one about a surprise ass.
I was talking to this girl (this was about 12 years ago in the middle of my most “single guy living recklessly!” years ever) and I was somewhat on the fence about her. Like, I dunno. I knew she was down but she seemed a hair unstable and , honestly, I wasn’t THAT attracted to her. She was cute but there’s a certain brand of crazy that I’m not into. She had it in her eye. On top of that, she was also just kinda awkward in general. Well, as things tend to happen, I was out one night and she was around. Drinks were drunk, discreet conversations were whispered and apparently the vodka I was drinking that night decided she and I were going home together. Maybe it’s me, but it’s an odd feeling going home with someone you’re not THAT psyched about. I don’t mean “in love”. I mean someone new who you are going to have sex with, yet, you’re kinda still meh about the whole thing. So, we get home and start fooling around. It’s been a long time since this happened so my memory is very limited outside of one moment: The removal of the pants. I should point out that this girl was a tiny white lady. Like 5’1” and slim. Maybe 105 pounds. So, just looking at her dressed, I felt like I knew what I was getting into. However…looks can be deceiving as the removal of pants revealed a serious booty. Like, out of nowhere. It made no sense at all and the fact that I hadn’t even noticed it in pants made me think that she must have been wearing camouflage every time I had seen her prior. If I had to compare it to anyone’s booty, I’d say a Jessica Beil type thing. It was round and strong with a crazy shelf. Not the fattest ass, but the best one. I should also note that, as a testament to how mens brains work, I was all of a sudden WAY more Psyched with my decision to go home with this girl. That one thing turned everything around. It’s pretty fucked up, actually but, hey, I’m not here to lie to you. I’m a human being with triggers just like anyone else. It didn’t make me do anything more ass-centric than normal but I certainly couldn’t keep my hands off it. I feel like a hand was on it the entire time, no matter what we were doing. Hahahaha

As for the second part of the question,Yes, asses have gotten bigger and more beloved.. Particularly on white and asian girls. Those asses existed in the 90’s but clothing was different and people weren’t putting those types of girls on tv in prominent roles. A Nicki Minaj was not a big seller back then. Kate Moss was. it was when Flat asses reigned supreme. A dark time in american history. I think the ass boom of the early 2000’s/late 90’s when J-lo was notorious , really opened the doors. Flash forward to today and i see tiny japanese girls walking around with video girl booties. I’m not sure how or why, but it happens. Implants? Maybe? There are certainly work outs girl do to make it bigger. Who knows? I’m not complaining.

what was the first beat you made for aesop? and did it make it on to an album?
The first beat I ever made for aesop. Shiiiiit. Lemme think. There was a few songs we did together early on. I think it was a song called “Prototype”. It was this atonal piano sample with terrible drums. Very “Saafir the saucee nomad” style. Back then, my sampler was running of a somewhat weak power source so many of the beats from that era had a defective sound. Like the drum volume would vary and at any point a snare would be kinda muted for no explicable reason. “Prototype” had tons of issues like that. Probably why it’s never seen the light of day.

If you were given the opportunity to produce your ideal album, using any samples for free and having any and all guestspots of your choosing, BUT you have to be the predominant rapper on every track, would you do it?

Like someone would pay me to do it? Totally. That would be fun. I’ve reached the age where rapping again might be fun cause I don’t care. I could be funny and ridiculous. I still get rhyme ideas fairly regularly so, i’d imagine I’d get back into the swing of writing rhymes pretty quickly. Now, don’t get me wrong,I’d still be bad but i’d accept money to do that and having dream guests on there wouldn’t hurt either.

Would you rather be sexist, racist, or a bigot against homosexuality?

I can only be one and the other two I’m 100% not? I hate to nitpick but that’s not how people work. Everyone is a little of all those things. we’re all on a spectrum. Same way everyone is on a sexuality spectrum.
This is a tough question though cause, ideally, you wanna pick the one that would have the least backlash. Being racist would be the toughest. It’s the most frowned upon and it covers so many different types of people. Being sexist is easier cause , as a society, we’re kinda groomed for it. I know plenty of pretty sexist people who function well in society. But they’re sexist on the low. They don’t walk around telling women to shut up and get in the kitchen. They’re probably more just thinking they , as males, are superior to females and they don’t respect them. Being homophobic would probably be the easiest cause they’re the smallest group of the three. It’s probably also the easiest to rationalize to yourself cause people have issues with sexuality in general and widespread acceptance of them is still a work in progress.. So, I guess I’d choose that for the sake of it being the lesser of three incredible evils.
To be clear, i’m not any of these things and do not support them in any way so don’t go quoting this shit outta context and making me looking like Rush Limbaugh.