What up. It’s a new week so that means it’s time for another rousing installment of “Answers for questions”. you ask me anything and I answer it. If you’d like to ask stuff, I’d love you for it. Send questions to firstname.lastname@example.org or leave them in the comments below. Get weird. The better the questions, the better the answers. Okayyyyyyyy? *finger snaps*
Let’s check out this weeks batch…
Do you ever feel like saying “fuck it” and taking off to live in the woods on some Into The Wild shit?
Not ever for a single moment. That’s my nightmare. I love cities. I love NYC, in particular. As much as I can get down with some nice solitude, I prefer to do it in my apart faintly in the background.
To me, the woods is not something I enjoy. I mean, maybe a weekend away with friends and some mushrooms but as a lifestyle? Never. Desolate living has never been my bag. I’m a man of convenience. Nothing is less convenient than living in the middle of nowhere.
What podcasts do you listen to if any?
A bunch. Lately,
Comedy bang bang
Uh yeah dude
The norm macdonald podcast
Bill Burr’s monday morning podcast
There are a few more but those the ones I check regularly.
Have you ever had an unexplainably weird thing happen to you?
Like something that was super natural? Something that logic and science could not explain? Hmm…Nope. I mean, “Weird” things happen all the time. Like I had a mouse run up my pant leg once while I was playing video games. That was weird. Or the time I saw this on my way home. But, you know, i could explain that if I had to.
Tell the story of the fattest ass you ever had and if it made you do particularly ass-centric stuff. Which celebrity ass would be most comparable? Additionally, do you feel like asses have gotten bigger? There were Amber roses in the 90s on tv.
Hmmmm…This is gonna sound like a cop out but I can’t put my finger on one particularly fat ass that that stands out. Sadly, i’ve never gotten my hands on a truly big one. Like the AMber rose’s of the world have eluded me. So, this may not be the answer you’re looking for but I do have one about a surprise ass.
I was talking to this girl (this was about 12 years ago in the middle of my most “single guy living recklessly!” years ever) and I was somewhat on the fence about her. Like, I dunno. I knew she was down but she seemed a hair unstable and , honestly, I wasn’t THAT attracted to her. She was cute but there’s a certain brand of crazy that I’m not into. She had it in her eye. On top of that, she was also just kinda awkward in general. Well, as things tend to happen, I was out one night and she was around. Drinks were drunk, discreet conversations were whispered and apparently the vodka I was drinking that night decided she and I were going home together. Maybe it’s me, but it’s an odd feeling going home with someone you’re not THAT psyched about. I don’t mean “in love”. I mean someone new who you are going to have sex with, yet, you’re kinda still meh about the whole thing. So, we get home and start fooling around. It’s been a long time since this happened so my memory is very limited outside of one moment: The removal of the pants. I should point out that this girl was a tiny white lady. Like 5’1” and slim. Maybe 105 pounds. So, just looking at her dressed, I felt like I knew what I was getting into. However…looks can be deceiving as the removal of pants revealed a serious booty. Like, out of nowhere. It made no sense at all and the fact that I hadn’t even noticed it in pants made me think that she must have been wearing camouflage every time I had seen her prior. If I had to compare it to anyone’s booty, I’d say a Jessica Beil type thing. It was round and strong with a crazy shelf. Not the fattest ass, but the best one. I should also note that, as a testament to how mens brains work, I was all of a sudden WAY more Psyched with my decision to go home with this girl. That one thing turned everything around. It’s pretty fucked up, actually but, hey, I’m not here to lie to you. I’m a human being with triggers just like anyone else. It didn’t make me do anything more ass-centric than normal but I certainly couldn’t keep my hands off it. I feel like a hand was on it the entire time, no matter what we were doing. Hahahaha
As for the second part of the question,Yes, asses have gotten bigger and more beloved.. Particularly on white and asian girls. Those asses existed in the 90’s but clothing was different and people weren’t putting those types of girls on tv in prominent roles. A Nicki Minaj was not a big seller back then. Kate Moss was. it was when Flat asses reigned supreme. A dark time in american history. I think the ass boom of the early 2000’s/late 90’s when J-lo was notorious , really opened the doors. Flash forward to today and i see tiny japanese girls walking around with video girl booties. I’m not sure how or why, but it happens. Implants? Maybe? There are certainly work outs girl do to make it bigger. Who knows? I’m not complaining.
what was the first beat you made for aesop? and did it make it on to an album?
The first beat I ever made for aesop. Shiiiiit. Lemme think. There was a few songs we did together early on. I think it was a song called “Prototype”. It was this atonal piano sample with terrible drums. Very “Saafir the saucee nomad” style. Back then, my sampler was running of a somewhat weak power source so many of the beats from that era had a defective sound. Like the drum volume would vary and at any point a snare would be kinda muted for no explicable reason. “Prototype” had tons of issues like that. Probably why it’s never seen the light of day.
If you were given the opportunity to produce your ideal album, using any samples for free and having any and all guestspots of your choosing, BUT you have to be the predominant rapper on every track, would you do it?
Like someone would pay me to do it? Totally. That would be fun. I’ve reached the age where rapping again might be fun cause I don’t care. I could be funny and ridiculous. I still get rhyme ideas fairly regularly so, i’d imagine I’d get back into the swing of writing rhymes pretty quickly. Now, don’t get me wrong,I’d still be bad but i’d accept money to do that and having dream guests on there wouldn’t hurt either.
Would you rather be sexist, racist, or a bigot against homosexuality?
I can only be one and the other two I’m 100% not? I hate to nitpick but that’s not how people work. Everyone is a little of all those things. we’re all on a spectrum. Same way everyone is on a sexuality spectrum.
This is a tough question though cause, ideally, you wanna pick the one that would have the least backlash. Being racist would be the toughest. It’s the most frowned upon and it covers so many different types of people. Being sexist is easier cause , as a society, we’re kinda groomed for it. I know plenty of pretty sexist people who function well in society. But they’re sexist on the low. They don’t walk around telling women to shut up and get in the kitchen. They’re probably more just thinking they , as males, are superior to females and they don’t respect them. Being homophobic would probably be the easiest cause they’re the smallest group of the three. It’s probably also the easiest to rationalize to yourself cause people have issues with sexuality in general and widespread acceptance of them is still a work in progress.. So, I guess I’d choose that for the sake of it being the lesser of three incredible evils.
To be clear, i’m not any of these things and do not support them in any way so don’t go quoting this shit outta context and making me looking like Rush Limbaugh.