Ask Dr. Tony Vol. 48

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Hello there. have a seat on my brown leather couch. Tell me your problems.
it’s time once again for “Ask Dr. Tony”. That’s me. Ask me. I’m not licensed to do anything but I do think I’m a level headed person who’s not afraid to give complete strangers honest advice about their messed up lives. If you’ve got a problem that needs a fresh perspective, holler at your boy. It’s all anonymous. Email questions to me at: phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave the questions in the comment section. I’m here to help and , trust me, you guys probably need it. We all do!

So i’m currently working in the agriculture fields, I do general labor work n stuff. My bosses son, who I have a little crush on (we’ll call him D) works there, but not daily, once in a while.
Last year was my first year there. At first we didn’t talk, but after a while we started talking, we became cool. We’d have little conversations while he’d help me with work.
This year he hasn’t worked much, he’s gone maybe like 5 days. Anyways, a few weeks ago I mentioned to him that I was gonna go to a concert. He kept asking questions about it. Who I was gonna see, who I was going with, where it was etc.. So today, he worked and asked if I had gone to the concert. He mentioned how he feels he hasn’t done much with his life. So he asked me when the next time was that I was going to another concert, so I mentioned one that was coming up and he said “I’m up for it!” Then he said he had wanted to go with me to the previous one but didn’t wanna ask and be awkward or make my brother mad lol (we all work together)..so my question is, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?
By the way, Before the concert talk I asked him how life was and he said “he had situations that had him confused” something like that..

Is he just being cool and friendly? Or is he trynna get at me or something? ALSO..he has a child. His dad has mentioned it before. I’m not sure if he’s with his baby mama or not tho.
Should I hang out with him and go the concert *if* he happens to be up for it? I like him, he’s cool, don’t strongly like him, more so infatuated lol
I need your take on this..

You trying to get the, let’s call him, “D”, huh?
It’s hard to say for certain but it sounds like someone who is trying to hang out with another person. When this happens and it involves two people of the opposite sex, it generally means that, yes, he’s trying to get at you on some level. As much as it may sadden some of you ladies out there , men don’t typically try and generate new “friendships” with women they just met. Sure, they may eventually go that way but if a dude is asking you to hang, it’s cause he has designs on you on some level. The only other thing I could see would be if he’s just really bored and doesn’t interact with people who leave the house much. Outside of that, this is a classic example of a dude looking for an in to hang out with a girl. The fact he mentioned making your brother mad seems to solidify it all.
So, yeah, if you’re into him, all you gotta do is hang out with him. Seems like a done deal to me. Just as long as it doesn’t get you fired from the weed harvesting job you and your bro have. That’s what “Agriculture” means, right?

Ok, let’s take it from the top. I meet this girl around the holidays at a party. We click pretty instantly. Nothing serious, just extremely playful and flirty. I do not hook up with her this evening, or even the next evenings over about a 6 month period. We have a lot of the same friends and attend the same functions, so we’d see each other often. I would just randomly see her around town, and we’d always just vibe off each other really well. I’d make her laugh just as much as she makes me. I think it was pretty obvious to our peers (and ourselves) that we wanted each other really bad. Over time we begin to plan seeing each other, hang out at each others houses, and just become good homies, rather than good acquaintance s. Inevitably, we start hooking up….it was very passionate, natural, and just plain awesome. Well, this lasts a couple of weeks. For some reason she just begins to ignore me for about a week, and I finally confronted her about it. She gave me this super vague answer about how she “didn’t want to break it to me” and then the exhaustively repetitive lecture of how she still wants to be friends. I was crushed bro, and that pain resonated for a while too…of course, I’m still forced to run into her quite frequently around town, and we jive just like old times! Parties with lots of friends to talk to, and we’re just in each others faces like no one’s in the room. People always think we’re together. She actually came over last night, hung out for a while with my roomies and I, but didn’t stay. And when I told her I wished she would’ve stayed she got all salty with me. I don’t get it, nor do I blame myself. How can you not have feelings for a beautiful girl that you get along with better than anybody? She told me it’s not me, she just doesn’t feel for anyone, ever. Like she’s not capable of putting herself out there to love or be loved. But when we’re together I could swear there’s something there from her end…..WHAT GIVES?!?!

It could be a few things.
It’s possible you guys hooked up and she simply wasn’t into it. Like, the spark wasn’t there for her. I don’t doubt she likes you as a person but that happens. Even when one person feels one way, it might not just all click for the other person. So, her cutting it off was just a way of ending it without having to explain that to you, which would be hard and brutal. Again, she likes you as a person so it would be understandable to avoid that convo , so you can remain friends and she can spare your feelings.

Another possibility would be that she’s just not emotionally available. She says she doesn’t feel for anyone ever? It sounds a bit like a sociopath but it’s possible. I tend to think that sort of statement is speaking on something much bigger than her real feelings. Like she’s damaged goods and this is how she copes. Either way, you’re not gonna convince her to feel differently and the more you push for this thing, the more she’ll most likely recoil.

Is it also possible that maybe part of the reason she’s acting like this is cause there’s someone else in her life? Often, when people make themselves unavailable or have sudden switch flips, it’s cause they have someone else on their mind and they’re willing to drop anything else over the slight chance of that person coming back into their lives.

I’d say you gotta just back off. Be friendly but have no expectations of ever being physical with her. You never know, that aloofness could actually turn out to work in your favor. She may no longer see you as a dude who’s jocking her super hard and then be more comfortable hooking up with you again.

Hey Dr Blockhead!
I’ve been developing this electronic music project with a friend for a while. While it’s still dance music, it’s a little bit on the weird side.
I like the music and I enjoy playing it. We recently started performing, and every time we perform we have to face the fact that half of the crow leaves the dance floor. On one side I enjoy what I’m doing, but on the other I feel like I’m not doing my job, which is, in that context, to entertain. Should I adapt my performances because of this? As a producer turned performer, do you have any advice for that?

You gotta find a happy medium there. Either that or commit all the way to a sound and say “fuck this crowd”.
With finding the happy medium you gotta take the music you make and up the energy for live shows. When I started doing live shows, I did an hour long set that was about 35 minutes of down tempo stuff. It didn’t take long for me to realize that doing downtempo music in front of a crowd was a huge energy suck out of the room. Even people who were fans of me would just stand there and stare. However, the upbeat parts of my set would always go over well. So, I aimed to somehow maintain my sensibilities and aesthetic but with a slightly raised energy level. Speed everything up enough to make it something people can at least bob their heads to. Thing is, you can’t make everyone happy but , as a performer, it’s gonna make you happier to see a crowd enjoying themselves instead of looking like they’re in a group K-hole.
As for the “Committing all the way” option, this is just you staying the path. It’s certainly riskier and typically only works with artists who have a strong fan base already. It means just doing what you wanna do and letting the crowd take it or leave it. It’s bold, depending what kinda music you make, but it could pay off in leading to having crowds who are legit there cause they love your music and they wouldn’t want you to change for them.
Those are your two main options. Good luck and godspeed.

Okay, so here my question dr Tony.
I’m in relationship for almost 2 years now, we live together for almost the same time.
We’re not having sex for few months. Before that we did maybe 1-2 times in month. It all started after 6-8 months of us being together.
He told me he love me back after 6 months. He has drinking problem, but he doesnt seem to notice that. I hoped that he would see it for now. He has a daughter from last relationship. Im 24 years old and I guess I just can’t take all this anymore. He makes me sad most of the time.
Obviously we like each other, we know each other wer well, but its just not there anymore. Im walking around the house topless or even naked and it doesnt seem to make any difference.
Why? What is going on with him? What happened, how can I change that? Im out of ideas and hope or what so ever.

Sounds like this dude has problems in his life. The drinking definitely doesn’t help. I’m guessing he’s much older than you. It just sounds like he is.
Sex drop offs in relationships can happen for so many reasons. That said, a drop after only 6 months is pretty fucking fast (no pun intended). If you were like “we’ve lived together for 4 years” I’d see it more.
Perhaps you guys rushed into this all too quickly. I mean, moving in together right away is never a good look and, honestly, for a relationship to stay fresh you do need a little space. ESPECIALLY in the beginning.
Sadly, I don’t think there is much you can do. Walking around naked won’t change anything cause the problem isn’t you. It’s him. Whatever he’s got going on in his head is beyond how you’re looking one particular day (unless, of course you have had you physical appearance drastically change in the last year or so). If the sex only was regular for 6 months then it fell off, I’d guess he’s not into sex at all. He’s probably very depressed or something. It’s sad cause, when this happens (and it happens ALL THE TIME in relationships) the girl takes all the responsibility upon herself and it shatters her self confidence. They think being extra “sexy” will refuel the flame but, often, the dude is already checked out and that’s that.
Regardless, I hate to say it but it’s most likely not going to get better so you have to make a choice. Luckily you’re still very young so perhaps getting out sooner than late isn’t the worst idea.

This Week In ridiculous rap: JLAMONE

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So, all my timelines have been flooded with Slim Jesus. Normally, he’d be an easy target for this column. Yes, it’s ridiculous. Yes he’s a child clown. These are both truths. But, more than anything, he’s just an example of how white people are way too comfortable. Like, he should’t be allowed to do this by his friends. They should have stopped him. Unless it’s a Locomotive Kurt situation, in which case, I guess it makes sense. But, to be honest, this kind of fuckery is so common place that there’s not much left to say about it. The over the top whig wave of rap has been going on forever and Slim Jesus is just it’s next logical step. I’d rather put eyes on another kind of white person being way too comfortable…JLAMONE.

Look at this fucking guy. While Slim Jesus is doing that same old “waving guns and talking about my skwad” shit, JLAMONE out here bout to go to Montauk and do coke with 17 year old girls with good fake id’s.
Rap has come a long way. Once being authentic was stripped away as a thing people held dear, it really opened the doors for pretty much anyone who’s ever thought of rapping to chime in. Like this guy. He strikes me as a dude who gets bottle service at a club and raps to his drunk friends in the booth they’re sitting in. I bet , when drunk, he loves freestyling. In fact, I have a feeling most of this song is off the top of the head cause what else could it even be?
In a different life, maybe he woulda been one of those grindtime battle guys. But, unfortunately for his rap career (but fortunately for his life) he was probably born into a life of means where rapping wasn’t a realistic option. He reeks of upper east side Manhattan (I went to school with dozens of him) but i could be wrong. I mean, he’s repping Harlem in this with his two puerto rican friends but I got a feeling he just crossed 96th street to get that shot then ran back down to park ave as soon as it was done. Again, this is just a hunch.
Much like Slim Jesus, there seems to be a lack of friends in the world telling him to stop. I don’t know if that’s the coddling society we live in or if his friends are also assholes. It’s hard to tell. One thing is certain though, there isn’t an ounce of shame in his body. He’s all in. He’s VERY happy with himself. His level of contentment is something most normal people can only dream to attain. And all he did was make a terrible rap song and a video. Man, entitlement is amazing, isn’t it? Thing is, he’s having so much fun, i don’t even think I’m mad at it. I’m mad at society for allowing it to exist but him? Not really. Good for him. He’s not hurting anyone. Besides, his hair is gorgeous. I wanna brush it like a my little pony doll while he tells me insider stock tips and explains why Tupac is the greatest rapper of all time.

Answers for questions vol. 255

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Happy post labor day! I hope you spent it being as lazy as I did. Welcome to another edition of “Answers for Questions”. You ask, so I answer. This weeks batch is randomly highly sexual. Dunno why but this is the order in which I received the questions. I guess you guys were horny that week you sent me these. That’s fine and all but, just know, I take all sorts of questions. If you’d like to submit, you totally should. I always need new questions! email them to me at phatfriendblog@gmail.com or leave them in the comment section below. Have fun with it. get creative. Okay, let’s see what on your dirty minds this week…

Which 5 cities in the U.S. do you think would have the best tinders?
My guess would be the ones with the hottest girls and the most non-religious “waiting for marriage” types AKA the lowest morals.
NYC, L.A. , Miami, San diego and probably Austin. I bet San francisco , Atlanta and Portland are fun too.
Granted, I have only used tinder in two on these places but that would be my guess.

Have you ever played music during sex? What do you typically play? Some Barry White? Would that be the only time you would consider playing some instrumental hip hop?
I’ve never been into playing music during sex. It doesn’t bother me but I don’t exactly seek it out. Sometimes it can be a distraction. I think my mind is too critical and , if I hear certain music, I can’t help but start taking it apart in my head. Like, I recall, when I was younger, I put music on here and there and I’d find my self paying attention to it too much. Like if a wack song came on, I’d have the urge to change it, instead of just ignore it fuck right through it.
I recall going through a brief phase of trying to play music during sex but I was also a rap nerd at that age and the music I liked didn’t work for sex. No one is trying to fuck to rare b-sides by obscure NYC rappers. I even recall putting on “Back dat ass up” once just to see how it played during sex. Well, I can tell you, it makes sex very silly for about 4 minutes.
honestly, I prefer the sounds of humans but that also leads into this next question…

Why do you think women moan much more than men during sex?

That’s an interesting question with, most likely, many different answers.
The optimist in me would say it’s cause they’re generally more expressive and in touch with their bodies so they can’t control that kinda thing like we , as men can. I mean, let’s be honest, gun to my head, I could have a silent orgasm no problem. The pessimist in me would say it’s cause they’ve been groomed to “make sexy noises” by society and it’s expected of them. Porn hasn’t helped this either, obviously.
I prefer to think it’s somewhere in between there. I think SOME girls actually make authentic noises while other definitely put on a show. I also would add that I think the use of moans or even screams are their way of telling you “Yes, that’s it…keep going” without actually having to say it. Like, I know when I’m getting head, I will use not verbal vocal cues to let the girl know she’s heading in the right direction. It would make perfect sense that girls do the same, especially with sex where a guy could just be completely doing it wrong.
I’d also add that real men moan. Like MACGRUBER

Out of all the women you’ve ever slept with, has any woman’s sex noises turned you off and made you less attractive to her.

I guess this is a continuation of the last one.
I can’t say a girl has ever made a noise that turned me off. I’m speaking of a literal sound so jarring that it make me stop and question my life choice. Like a guttural scream or all of a sudden she has barry whites voice. That hasn’t happened. But, what has happened, is when they’re clearly playing it up like a porn star. Sometimes it’s hard to tell but, when it’s obvious, it’s totally a turn off. I recall, in particular, this one girl I hooked up with when I was about 30. She was way younger than me and I already felt kinda weird about it. But, when we got down to business, she was just all bullshit moans and over acting. It definitely turned me off to it all. At no point during sex do I wanna start thinking about how the person I’m currently penetrating grew up watching way too much porn and probably isn’t close with her father.

Who are your favorite top 5 NBA players of all time?
Wait, this isn’t a sex question…weird.
Hmm…That’s tough. I have one definitive favorite player ever: Dominique Wilkens and the rest are just dudes I thought were awesome but didn’t care about that much. I’ll always love Latrell Sprewell, Iverson, Sabonis and Lamar Odom. Yup, Lamar Odom. When he was good, he was awesome and I always modeled my own game after his in the sense he’s a guy that isn’t great at anything but he’s good at a lot of things. Or he was, at least. Now he’s good at smoking crack and that’s really unfortunate.

With all of the production you’ve done so far, could you live comfortably off of just your royalties? If not in NYC, how about in middle America?
Off my royalties? Helllllllll no. I don’t make that much off royalties. Definitely not enough to live in NYC. Maybe I could afford a small rental in some podunk town but royalties, to me, are like “extra”. I make most of my money touring. The only way the royalties pay me big money is if I get a song in a commercial or something like that. But that’s not something I can really rely on.

Do you ever venture into the realms of hard techno and drum and bass simply because of the dance factor? I remember you saying that you don’t listen to instrumental often but everyone needs a good hard dance sometimes

I don’t go anywhere near that. First off, I don’t really dance. I mean, if I’m drunk, out with friends and the music is good, maybe I will but it’s not something I seek out. Clubs, in general, are kinda a nightmare for me.
Secondly, i really just don’t enjoy that kinda music. I think it’s boring. I can certainly appreciate some of the production technics to it but it’s just not for me. I don’t even listen to instrumental music that’s sonically up my alley, let alone stuff like techno, trance or drum and bass.

How often do strangers randomly smile at you when you make eye contact? What do you think of it?

Hmm…I don’t really know. When I was younger it happened more but that was part of the game. You’d walk around , looking at girls and see who looks back. It was like the original Tinder. Nowadays, I tend to keep to myself when I walk around so I’m not really looking for random eye contact. It’s inevitable you make it though but catching a smile from someone is super rare. That might by an NYC thing though. I could see people in a small town smiling like creeps at each other all day on some neighborly type shit. I feel like we’re so jaded in NYC that smiling at a stranger could easily be taken the wrong way. We’re more of a “glance and keep it moving” kinda town.

Demo Reviews Vol. 72

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Hey there and welcome to another edition of “Demo reviews”. You lunatics sent me your music to review. Still dunno why…If you’d like to send me a demo, read these RULES and then send me a song. Follow those rules, motherfuckers….It’s very important to the prcoess
Anyway, the reviews work like so: YOu send me a song, I listen to it once and write a paragraph or two about it. Then, I arbitrarily rate is from 1-10 in thse categories:
Production
Vocals
Listenability
Originality

That’s about it. Also, don’t forget to vote for your favorite at the end. The winner gets nothing but still, for the pride!

Artist: Mixer Jaexx
Song: Nice and soft and smooth


This is one of those “the name doesn’t match the music” songs. It’s not nice, soft or smooth. It’s clunky and somewhat abrasive. There’s some good elements that pop in and out but the whole thing just feels too spastic for my taste and doesn’t feel like it has much direction. I was gonna say the drums are cheesy sounding but they switch up to much better sounds a minute or so in. But, yeah, this is all over the place and very ADD in a non-satisfying way
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:5 out of 10

Artist: Dr. Rhymebender
Song: Gone


Sigh…there’s nothing wrong with this but it’s the same old emotional atmosphere influenced white guy rap that I’ve been hearing since the early 2000’s. This dude takes it to new heights in how he uses his voice and even the background vocals, it’s so much like Slug it’s hard to even sit through.
The beat isn’t bad. I like the chop in the beginning but i wish it came back more throughout the song.
In general, I can’t listen to songs where a guy wears his heart on sleeve about a girl. I just can’t care about this kinda of rap anymore. It’s been done to death and it was always kinda corny. That’s just me though.
Production:5 out of 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:2 out of 10

Artist: Legendary Obscure
Song: Gator Shit


This is a sleekly produced little joint right here. I like the drums and the chops. The mood is cool too. Kinda reminds me of that Show and Ag song “Next Level”. On the downside, this is just a beat…not a song. As always, I don’t wanna hear your beats. I wanna hear songs. So it definitely loses points there cause it’s the same shit for the entire fucking time. Throwing a will ferrell sample on a beat doesn’t make it a song, guys.
Production:5.5 out of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

Artist: Luke Mardsen
Song: Poker Chip


It’s low fi and has it’s problems but I kinda like this beat. It’s good despite itself. That’s generally a case of luck or a producer who just has a special kinda ear. I guess that remains to be seen.
The rapper is interesting but also sloppy as fuck. There’s potential but his flow is all over the place and his confidence isn’t there yet.
Production:5.5 ouf 10
Vocals:4.5 out of 10
Listenability:5.5 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Atoum Zeki
Song: Krung Thep


This one just seems like leaps and bounds better than every other song I’ve heard today. It just seems professional. It’s weird, kinda mesmerizing and well put together. I can hear a vision to this music. It’s not just a dude making a beat.
Really well done.
Production:7.5 out of 10
Vocals:n/q
Listenability:7 out of 10
Originality:6.5 out of 10

Artist:OLMEC
Song: Stompin’ Grounds


At first it sounded like a sloppy throw back boom bap track but the beat actually really goes places. Nice filtered bass tones but the switch up is really the star here. Really dope beat.
The rapper is solid. He’s not blowing me away but he’s got some good lines and a good enough voice. He needs to sound less bored i think.
Production:7 out of 10
Vocals:5 out of 10
Listenability:6 out of 10
Originality:4.5 out of 10

Artist: Okien
Song:Saul. 2.0


I like some of the ideas in here but I don’t like how it works as a whole, tonally. It’s just a bunch of different parts that don’t particularly work together. The atmospheric main part has some potential though.
Production: 4.5 of of 10
Vocals:n/a
Listenability:4.5 out of 10
Originality:5.5 out of 10

Artist: Crosby
Song: Cabana Music


This is some low-fi shit that reminds me of old Stretch and bobbito demos.
The beat isn’t the sharpest (the drums, are especially clunky) but it’s suitable to the rest of the song. The rapper has a great voice..he sounds like Freddie Gibbs…A LOT. Just in the voice though, not in the flow. He can rap well for sure though. They just need to work on recording better and song structure.
Production:4.5 out of 10
Vocals:5.5 out of 10
Listenability:5 out of 10
Originality:4 out of 10

What do you think?

“I sucked my own dick”

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I believe it was the poet laureate LL cool J who once said “I’m so bad I can suck my own dick”. When he said that, the public took notice. Mostly cause they were amazed at what an arrogant and weird thing that was to say. Still, the concept of a man performing oral sex on himself has always been a curious one to me. Not cause i have any interest in doing it (even if I wanted to, I can’t even touch my toes let alone do that) but more the mind set a man might have that would propel him to go for the gold. A week or so ago, I wrote about Uberfacts and the concept of self blowies came up. I hadn’t really thought about it so I figured I’d ask the people what they though. I threw up this poll


To my surprise, there were a decent amount of guys who had admitted to sucking their own dicks. Didn’t see that coming. So, i wanted to know more. Basically, I asked the people of facebook and twitter if they had ever sucked their own dicks and would they be willing to talk about it. The response was shockingly quick and willing. In fact, I got TOO many responses which means I’ll have to do a part two of this down the line. So, I made a little questionnaire for these gentleman and had them fill it out. It was anonymous (in that only I know their names). Thanks to all the participants but, also, you guys are kinda weird.
Here’s a few of the responses:

Subject one
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?
I am straight, but had a couple of same sex experiences (not for me).

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?
No, I’ve never sucked any other dick than my own.

Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?
I can accomplish this both seated hunched over and or with my legs over my head. In the seated position there is more mobility, legs over the head is very restrictive and uncomfortable (pressure on the neck).

You’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?
It’s hard to say really I just went for it one day when I was about 14 or 15 . Obviously having instant tactile feed back is a benefit.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times
I’ve probby done it 15 times. The legs over the head method isn’t exactly the most pleasurable due to discomfort and lack of movement, and I actually sometimes can not do the hunch method. I believe having a full stomach hinders my ability to do the hunch method (more research is needed I guess).

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?
Not really note worth I keep it clean. There was no lingering after taste.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)
I usually cum into something (toilet paper, rag, sock), but I have ejaculated into my mouth on a few occasions. Those have given me perspective on the whole spit or swallow debate. Straight up my cum tastes gross and leaves a lingering after taste and slime that I would have to imagine is akin to raw eggs. I can’t blame any girl for spitting that shit out.

Are you good at sucking dick?
I wasn’t blown awat by my abilities, a sold C grade. I’ve had a lot better blow jobs and a few that were just atrocious. A mouths a mouth though right?

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.
I don’t think it’s any more gay than giving yourself a handjob. That is to say it’s just another form of masterbation. I’m sure people would be judgement as fuck about it, but really who’s business is it how I get myself off. I’ve had one dick in my mouth my own, I’ll go head to head against any random lady on the street and odds are she’s had 5 dicks in her mouth at some point in her life, not at the same time I hope.

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?
Not so much guilty as just like we’ll that happened. I don’t have strong feelings about it one way or another.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?

I don’t think so. I love giving girls head and I can say with confidence that I am very good at it. The whole lack of range of motion is definitely a hindrance, but I’m not out here trying to win some dick sucking competition either.

Have you told others about this?
I told my EX girlfriend once. It was one of those dumb situations where she says “Tell me something you’ve never told me before” and we had been dating so long I could literally think of nothing so I just dropped it. I’m pretty sure she either thought I was being an asshole or didn’t know what to say because she didn’t ask for details and never brought it up again. She gave great head.

Would you recommend this to your friends?

Go for it! What do you have to lose, maybe you will really enjoy it. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

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Subject 2
Are you straight/gay/bi or other?

Gay

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?

No

Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?

It wasn’t very difficult. This mostly occurred when I was a horny teenager. I was pretty flexible and thankfully, am fairly well-endowed. I was usually able to do it by just leaning down while sitting.

You’re a gay man, did having practice prior to doing it , help you know what to do?

Somewhat. Having unlimited access to it helps you understand which areas felt the best, as well as how to ensure your teeth stay out of play. I was never flexible enough to deep throat myself or anything but I could get over half of it in.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times

Yes, I mostly did it as a teenager, and it was pretty frequent. I really couldn’t give a number. But I mean, a horny gay kid with the ability to fellate himself… imagine being a teenager and having 24/7 access to a disease-free vagina.

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?

Not much of a taste. Just like licking skin. So maybe a little salty sometimes. I’m pretty OCD about cleanliness so I never let any tatse linger. I’d usually just use mouthwash or brush my teeth afterwards.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)

Yes. At first it seemed way too weird and gross to cum in my mouth, so I used to stop right before the point of no return and finish in a tissue or towel or something.But as a gay man you eventually just get past all that and take it down. It does makes for an easier cleanup.
Are you good at sucking dick?

I’d like to think so. As someone who actually enjoys it, I’ve never had any complaints at least.

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.

In general, I don’t think it is. You’re providing pleasure to yourself. It’s just another form of masturbation. Although for me, it was absolutely a homosexual act in that as I was servicing myself, I was fantasizing about servicing other men.

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?

Only when I first started doing it. I was worried I’d feel too self-sustained and not try to pursue actual sex with another person. But it turned out to be more of an aide to the real thing in the end.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?

Definitely not. I was never flexible enough to reach the entire area so it was never as enjoyable.

Have you told others about this?

Only a couple close friends.

Would you recommend this to your friends?

Sure, I mean it’s really not that big of a deal. If you’re able to do it without being a dumbass and hurting yourself, it can be enjoyable and educational.

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Subject 3

Are you straight/gay/bi or other?

I guess I identify as straight though I sometimes wonder what it’d be like to *really* suck a dick. Men don’t turn me on, they just don’t necessarily turn me off.

Had you sucked another persons dick prior to sucking your own?

No

Was the stretching part of move difficult and did it inhibit your movement?

Yes. Honestly because of how difficult it is, I wasn’t able to get it deep enough and thus never finished.

You’re a straight man, do you think you intuitively knew how to suck a dick just based on what you’d seen and knowing what you like?

No, I had no fucking idea what I was doing.

Did you do it more than once? If so, how many times

Yes, maybe four times?

How would you describe your dicks taste? and did that taste linger in your mouth well after the deed was finished?

It’s kind of tasteless. Precum tastes salty. I never got as far as ejaculation.

Did you cum? If so, where? In your own mouth, in your face or elsewhere (please specify where)

After a bit it was too difficult so I just finished off with my hand as I usually do and probably onto my stomach. I have tried eating it before but that was a different occasion entirely.

Are you good at sucking dick?

Definitely not good at sucking my own.

Do you consider sucking your own dick a homosexual act? please elaborate why, either way.

Nah. If that’s a homosexual act, then so is masturbating with your hand.

Did you feel any guilt about doing it afterwards?

A little. It was kind of like, what the fuck did I just do. And then I moved on.

Do you feel as though you give better head to yourself than any other person (male or female)?

I don’t give head but I feel if I were to I’d be better at giving it to others.

Have you told others about this?

Honestly, I don’t remember. I’ve told a lot of people a lot of things. I don’t think I have though.

Would you recommend this to your friends?

No, it doesn’t feel like a blow job. It just feels like you’re sucking your own dick. If someone is reading this and still wants to give it a go, word of advice: put your hands on the back of your thighs .

Well, there you have it. I feel as though we got a nice variety in there. Perhaps I’ll post the others later on…or not. Maybe this whole thing was gross and no one is interested. We shall see. until then, suck a dick.

Let’s talk about this Macklemore Video

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So, the other day I was in Miami for a little vacation. I was doing vacation type things so I wasn’t by a computer for a few days. Over the course of the day, i got a few texts from random friends asking me if I had seen the Macklemore video. Of course I hadn’t. Why would I ever have seen that? But, upon the urging of others, I popped it up on my phone while i was taking a dump. Well…goddamn…

Now before i get into this, I should probably preface it all with my “relationship” with Macklemore. I don’t know him. I’ve never met him. I have a decent amount of friends who have and across the board, he’s a beloved dude. I don’t mean that in a musical sense. I mean that he is, by all account a great, humble and cool person. I’ve never been a fan of his music really but, to be fair, I also never paid much attention to him.. If anything, he’s been the butt of an occasional twitter joke here and there over the years. I recall hearing the name prior to him blowing up off of “Thrift shop” cause he was very much involved in the indy rap underground scene. At the time, he was just another white rap guy to me. Then he blew up and all of a sudden had a million fans, and almost as many angry rap fan detractors. I can’t front, hearing the anthems from that last album definitely didn’t sit well with me but, at the same time, I was clearly not his target audience. I always felt he was either trying to make music for super bowl commercials or simply pandering. That said, I never felt THAT strongly either way. Simply put, the dudes music wasn’t on my radar enough to matter. Famous or not, i didn’t give a shit.
So, back to the toilet…I’m sitting there watching this video. It’s insane. I mean that in a good way. The video is fucking ridiculous. It looks amazing. Sure, it seems to borrow heavily from “Uptown funk” by Bruno Mars but it’s something I couldn’t take my eyes off. As much as people seem to be shitting on it, I simply cannot front on the spectacle of it all.
There’s a few sides to this. First off, you have the angry rap purist side. This is that thing within all old rap fans, such as myself, that has a negative gut reaction to this kinda thing. From seeing the originators of rap do back up vocals for Macklemore to actually sitting though a song about buying and driving scooters. Just seeing Kool Moe D, Melle Mel and Caz clearly collecting a check kinda hurt my heart. Immediately, I feel my soul saying “NOPE! NO FUCKING WAY!”. But, as I get older and care less about that kinda stuff, a part of me just kinda drifts away from all of it and just sees this song and video for what it is.
For that reason, i feel as though I gotta give credit where credit is due. This shit is fucking weird. Super weird.
The man made a song about buying scooters. He didn’t make just any song about it. he made an epic scooter buying anthem. Why? For who? I have no idea but I think I appreciate the tongue in cheek of it all. You can disagree with me (and you probably do) but Macklemore seems pretty likable in this video. He’s funny. Like I said earlier, i don’t know the guy but this video seems to be him just letting it rip. He does choreographed fuckin’ dancing for christ sake. And as painful as it is to see 3 hip hop legends do back up vocals for a blonde white dude in skinny jeans, at least he’s trying to expose people to them. His fan base is children who think Snoop Dogg is as old as rap gets. They probably have no fucking clue who any of those dudes are.I’d assume the think those are his actual bodyguards. Perhaps it will shine a tiny light on them and that isn’t a bad thing, as it’s known those dudes missed out on the pay day that is rap music currently.

I’m not gonna take this all the way and say I like the song cause I don’t. This song is a hybrid of “white lines”, “We are the champions” and “Lady dont tek no” by Latyrx. In other words, it comes from a good place but it’s actually kind of a mess as a stand alone song. I mean, within the confines of this video, it’s perfect but if I heard this on the radio I’d be confused as fuck. it’s like three different songs. That said, in an era where the most popular rap is mentally challenged men moaning into autotune about whatever the fuck they’re talking about, this song is taking chances. First and foremost, that singer guy. Holy shit. I have no idea how he even fits into the equation and what the idea was when they bought him in but that was a risky move. Almost as risky as his dance moves which make my knees hurt just watching. It remains to be seen if this song will actually be a hit outside of the video but, if it is, that singer being on it will be why. Secondly, and i keep harping on this, IT’S A SONG ABOUT BUYING A RIDING A SCOOTER. Like, how does that even come to be? There are so many steps in making a song. I would watch a documentary on how this song happened, from Macklemore thinking of the idea to him explaining it to Ryan Lewis, to Ryan Lewis making the beat to them calling Grnadmaster Caz and explaining it to him, etc…the whole thing just boggles my mind. But, whatever happened, the final product is here and it exists. Sure, it kinda feels like he may be trying to recapture the goofy likability of “Thrift shop”…but this is “Thrift shop” turned up to 10.

You probably hate this song and think the video is dumb. That’s cool. I don’t blame you. I got no horse in this race. Like i said, the song is ridiculous. But, I feel as though, if we all just step back and appreciate it for what it is…It’s not a song, it’s a spectacle and it’s not that bad. In fact, it’s kind of amazing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not gonna go out and start bumping any Macklemore shit but the dude gets shit on hard all over the place. I can see past my own personal taste and take my hat off to him for simply saying “fuck it” and doing whatever the fuck he felt lie doing.
There’s layers to this shit player, Tiramisu.